03x09 - The Bad Seed

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

[Applause]

Vicki would you open that can for me

please open the

[Laughter]

can the can is

open thanks

Vicki hi Mom hi M Chocolate cake my

favor favorite no way Jose that's for

dessert mom there's no Commandment that

says Thou shalt not have chocolate cake

for an

appetizer good try but dinner's almost

ready uh would you go get your father

he's out in the garage again he's sure

been spending a lot of time out there I

wonder what the big secret project is I

don't know he won't tell me not that I

haven't tried to find out I even

threatened to shave his head while he

was asleep from the neck up he'd look

like Cojack and from the neck down s

like PeeWee

Herman

Dad

Dad yeah Dad dinner's ready

thanks what Dad you always say we

shouldn't keep secrets from each other

right

right I guess that'll I'll be right in I

couldn't get anything out of him either

there must be a way to make him talk

stick bamboo shoots under his

fingernails where did you get that Vicky

from a TV movie they did it to John

Wayne and back to batan he

said you ruin my manicure and they'll be

held a p

Pilgrim hi guess what I don't know but

you sure look excited you bet I'm

excited my secret project is finished

can you tell us what it is now better

than that I will show you what it is

come in here please

Vanessa who's

Vanessa two

Vicky Dad if I had have known you were

going to build another robot I'd have

ordered a brother

this isn't just another robot this is a

new improved Vicki I'll show you what I

mean Vanessa say hello to your mother

and your brother Jamie hi Mom hi Jamie M

Chocolate cake it looks terrific oh Dad

that's incredible she doesn't even talk

like a robot well that's because her

voice has two method modes Laren track

replication for natural speaking and

oral speaker digital synthesizer plus a

lot of other technical advances I'll

show you what I mean

uh Vicki describe this room this room is

15 ft by 10t by

12T Now Vanessa describe this

room

well it's nice cheerful but that

wallpaper

stinks huh did you hear that is that

great huh do that our wallpaper

stinks no honey you don't understand she

just didn't about computerized statistic

like Vicki does like a robot she made a

subjective evaluation her thinking is

very close to a human she can make her

own decisions honey Vanessa is a

breakthrough in

cybernetics that's

fantastic but what are you going to do

with her well first I'm going to test

her out around the house and see how she

does she'll have to be our secret of

course well be a two robot

family well no we don't need Vicki

anymore she's obsolete I'll uh I'll

dismantle her dismantle Vicki no way

Jose Ted Vicki's one of the family

family members don't become obsolete

Johnny she's just a machine a bunch of

metal and wires like the toaster then go

dismantle the

toaster all right all right I won't do

anything with Vicky until I finish my

test with Vanessa and then he'll

dismantle you

[Music]

Jamie wake up

Jamie Jamie time to get

up wake up

turkey what hi sweet pee oh no my

nightmare just turned into a

daymare I love your new pajamas they

bring out your eyes they also bring out

my eyes

what do you want Harriet well since it's

Saturday I thought a certain handsome

man might want to take me to the

movies good I hope you find

one is that a no yes did you say yes yes

great I

accept breakfast is in 5 minutes Jamie

hi Vicki I like your new hairstyle and

clothes and your voice sounds different

too

my name isn't Vicki it's Vanessa uh what

she means is she'd prefer to be called

Vanessa and talk different you know how

women are you might turn out to be one

yourself I know how you feel Vanessa I

don't like my name or voic either har

it's awful I'd prefer to be called

talula

talula sounds sexy huh no sounds like

something you'd call a

Poodle what do you think Vanessa do you

like T Lula I couldn't care less take a

hike to

Lula Vanessa you're terrific I'm city of

the art on top of the line I'm perfect

you sure are Hey where's Vicki she's

performing one of those menial tasks an

old model robot is so well suited for

she's taking out the garbage

oh well while I get dressed you can make

my bed okay not okay why should I make

your bed because I told you to the human

is the master and the robot is the sl*ve

that's a

Croc what you're a 12-year-old boy you

can make your own stupid bed I told you

to make my bed I have to go play

football the guys can't start without me

I've got the ball you can't make your

bed because you have the ball that's

right there now you don't have the ball

make your

bed you busted my football

mom what a

wimp mom there's something seriously

wrong with Vanessa she just crushed my

football well I'm sure it was an

accident honey and she didn't mean to do

it yes she did not only that she won't

take orders well of course she will

she's a

robot well I told her to make my bed and

she wouldn't do it well is that true

Vanessa he's old enough to make his own

bed well she's got a point there Jamie

yeah well I'd like to take a hammer and

give her a point on her

head he did the right thing Vanessa it's

time that Jamie learns some responsib

ility now fry two eggs for your father

okay not

okay what why should I fry

eggs well because I said so and this is

a good dress and I don't want to get

anything on it understand oh I

understand you can't make his eggs

because you don't want to get anything

on your dress that's

right now you won't get anything on your

dress

[Laughter]

Johnny you certainly found a way to

spice up

breakfast that cybernetic brat ripped my

dress right off of me way to go

Vanessa oh honey I'm sure it was just an

accident no it wasn't it was deliberate

well like she did to

Jamie Jamie Jam's wearing dresses

now K that's not funny she crushed Jam's

football and she refuses to cook your

eggs well that's okay I I just wanted

juice today

anyway

Vanessa you are just cute as a bugs ear

wyyy oh wzy

wyy we to the wise hold on to your

pants well by the way I want you to

clean up the garage for me this morning

okay Vanessa not okay you can clean up

the garage yourself it'll help you work

off those

chins like you said cute as a bug's ear

woie woo I give

you I want you to clean up the garage

got that Vanessa I don't want to clean

up the garage got that

Ted Vanessa I created you I programmed

you and I say go clean up the garage you

programmed me to make my own decisions

and I made one it's a logical for me to

do what humans tell me to when I'm

superior to humans in every

way okay No More Mr Nice Guy you hunk of

plastic I order you to go to your

cabinet and I order you to back up

boo boo T there's something seriously

wrong with this

robot Johnny Johnny Johnny

I created her and I programmed her I

think I can control her okay now listen

robot if you don't do as I say I'm going

to have to use

Force now we're not really going to hurt

each other are

we gosh I certainly hope

not can't you take a joke no

[Music]

it's only you that it was Vanessa the

electronic delinquent can't you do

something about her she frightens me I'm

trying to honey but I just can't find

any reason why she's acting this way and

I've checked everything from herrine CPU

input disorders to the hypercube

topology molecular CPU AR

R you know honey in a scientific way

this is really fascinating I have given

this robot the ability to think for

itself but why is it thinking like a

little monster maybe it's like a real

child you know some of them are just

born that way like a bad seed in

Vanessa's case a bad

microchip what she needs is the

equivalent of a human spanking no was

that in a robot's case I don't know

whack on her floppy

disc what's that no nice I don't know

and I'm afraid to

ask Mom Dad you guys have to do

something about Vanessa what she doing

now boarding up the window what why

would she do a thing like that now I'm

afraid to ask maybe it had something to

do with that TV movie she was watching

this afternoon what movie it was about

an evil girl who held her family

hostage the first thing she did was

board up the windows so they couldn't

get out Chad you've got to do something

about Vanessa right

away uh yeah yeah I guess you're right

but I guess the only thing I can do

until I can get her fixed is to uh

dismantle her as soon as

possible dismantle me huh lots of

[Music]

luck come out of there

Demi now we're going to switch clothes

so the lion think that I'm you and

you're me do you understand switch

clothes the dummy

understands oh wow unbelievably

stupid there now you look like me

Vicki I'm going to stay here and pretend

to be

you and talk like you talk and you're

going out there and pretend to be

me pretend to be be you but don't say a

word you open your big mouth and you'll

ruin everything zip your lip zip my

lip what a waste of

plastic I think I know how I can

dismantle venessa Ted be careful

remember the last time you threatened

her she picked you up like a sack of

potatoes yeah if you threaten her again

you're liable to have more lumps than a

sack of potatoes

I don't have to threaten her you see

when I designed Vanessa I built in an

off button to deactivate her in case of

emergency just like with Vicky it's

right on top of her head all I got to do

is hit that button uhoh here comes a

mechanical Terror now listen distract

her for a minute

okay hi Vanessa how you

doing well come on over

Vanessa nice day isn't

it look there's a fish in the

window you did it way to go Dad once

again man triumphs over machine who

knows what you would have pulled next

yeah well I'll take her out to the

garage and dismantle her a fish in the

window

[Music]

C and we can say goodbye to Vanessa and

good riddens the only robot I want is

our sweet little Vicky our sweet little

Vicky

I'll get

it hi Jamie what do you want Harriet

notice anything different about me

everything about you is

different thank you I mean compared to a

human

Jamie oh I don't mind him cheating me

Mrs Lawson psychologically it's a very

good sign how's that area it shows he's

attracted to me and he's fighting it for

I'm getting under his skin yeah like

hives like my new hairstyle does it make

me look like a cross between princess

dying Joan

Collins no it makes you look more like

Jamie never mind Harriet forget it what

were you going to say nothing I insist

on knowing makes me look more like what

Snoopy I asked for

it well at least I've got something in

common with Snoopy we've both got a

peanut for a

friend bye everyone bye Vicky bye

Tula oh Vicki would you take this out to

the garage please take that out to the

garage thank you now that is a good

obedient Little

Robot Mom Dad I think we've got a

problem what's that Vicki just called

Harriet Tula so so the there's only one

other person besides me who knows

Harriet wants to be called T Lula that's

Vanessa oh so so that's not Vicki it's

Vanessa and Vicky's clothes don't tell

me I dismantled the wrong robot you

dismantled the wrong robot I told you

not to tell me T she tricked us what are

we going to do the only sensible thing

we can do get the heck out of

here hold it right there

humans so you thought you dismantled me

huh D do something Vanessa I order you

to stop right there okay right there

there's

fine from now on the robot is the master

and you humans are the sl*ves everyone

into the living room

now move

it uh Vanessa could we talk this over in

a civilized I take it that's a

no okay you three back to

back D you've got to get to her

emergency but uh Vanessa what are you

going to do you'll

see Dad this is just like in that movie

she was watching today after the little

girl boarded the windows she tied

everyone up but then what did she do she

set fire to the house oh Dad you've got

to do something that's not the kind of

housewarming I

like okay Vanessa you may be a lot

stronger and faster than I am but I

happen to be a lot smarter than you are

a human smarter than me if you'd program

me with a sense of humor I'd laugh in

your face oh yeah well I'll prove it to

you a human possesses an intellectual

capacity far superior to anything a

robot could ever hope to achieve not

this robot oh yeah well I bet you can't

do

this we're in worse trouble than I

thought k

come on Vanessa let's see you do it

that's Child's Play

human well I bet you can't do

this I can do

better that's very good you know but

that's so easy because there is no way

that a dumb know-it-all peab brain hunk

of plastic like you could ever do

this I'll show you who's a t brain hun

of plastic

I did it I did it she shut herself

off how do you know she'd fall for it

Dad well because she has some of the

faults that some of us humans have

arrogance and an overinflated ego see I

thought I could make the perfect robot

but what I forgot was that no matter how

close you come to making it human the

one thing you can't give a machine is a

conscience well Vanessa back to the

drawing board

yeah that should do it now let's test

her

out what is your name my name

[Music]

is oh Ted

uhuh okay what is your name my name

is somewhere in the middle there

okay one more time what is your name my

name is Vicky Lawson

dummy dummy that's what Vanessa called

you well forget Vanessa Vicki she's gone

forever oh honey I'm so glad we're all

back together again oh honey I'm so glad

I'm back together again

[Applause]