03x14 - Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

very good Viki now that you know how to

use this computer I'm gonna teach you

how to use this one now it works the

exact same way you just take the data

and you punch it in

I know to run an errand for me I think

he's at the mailbox computer understand

Diamond I've got a bird well you got

Vicky doing now cause she's paying our

bills paying our bills I got this

computer hooked up with the bank's

computer so now we can pay all of our

bills and credit card charges right here

our first assignment right here

what are those our department store

bills our phone bill and our mortgage

payment

I found them behind the dresser while I

was vacuuming Joanie these were supposed

supposed to be paid last month huh how

did I get these paid right away I mean

if they cut off my credit I am dead and

I'm talking stiff city huh there Vicki

do this thing with these and bring them

to the kitchen do you might think well

since Jamie's on here you can go to the

store for me oh honey do I have to give

you a quarter for bubble gum and

baseball card

number six three three six nine nine

three

okay these are the things that I need

from the store what's gonna make you

rich only twenty nine ninety five Jamie

you were taken that's a gimmick

now we would say no to a face I did what

no reindeer and a pooper scooper

Oh Vicki go see who's at the door please

see who's at the door

[Music]

hello sir and/or madam

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

would you please tell your dad my dad

wants to borrow suitcase he has to go on

a business trip he's too cheap to buy

one my dad's folded it's fine but where

he's going wouldn't be so good for her

she said when he got back

it wouldn't be so good for him either

he repeated toasted ham reports me was

Dilma toaster

a raisin went up his nose having any

problems

yes they didn't pay their bills what

matter down Brooke if no he's dead

I'm talking stuff city

oh no I better go tell my folks you poor

thing Vicky you should be crying okay

[Music]

hi are you okay

oh yeah just relaxing I workout at the

gym I'm not Oh can't couldn't be matter

where I matter Oh shopping do you see me

carrying any packages are you mad cuz

you didn't get to spend any money why

couldn't spend any money when I gave the

department credit card they cut it in

half

what yeah the man at the bank said the

credit was cut off

you're kidding he was so embarrassing

there was this little kid behind me in

line that kept yelling honey I can't

take care of it on Saturday I'll take

care of a first thing Monday morning

Merry Christmas Merry Christmas

Oh Vicky's a treat

[Music]

Vicky watch out for dogs

I mean advice about selling our seed

honey

you got a nice smile use it and if

somebody gives you bad time don't let it

bother you just turn the other cheek

gotcha good luck okay they're so cute

yeah I hope they find a couple of

suckers

[Music]

hello sir and/or madam

I think they found their first suckers

[Music]

both friend and what do you say to a

woman whose husband has just kicked the

bucket

I mean passed on it's terrible all my

best ideas from him how can you think of

yourself at a time like there's dried

oak all right

[Music]

Joe must be a basket case oh you poor

dear we're so sorry

you told us what happened today Vicky

told her oh well I don't have a

department store and I got really upset

[Laughter]

[Music]

woman is in the gas station I couldn't

have gotten my gas

I want you to know we are your friends

and you can call on us for anything I

don't like to bother you oh it's no

bother no no no no no

you just call us anytime except

Wednesday that's my bowling night

Thursday night of course face the

caribou Lodge I am the head ampere

you just keep your chins that Pony oh

wait a minute I thought Vicky told me

that you wanted to borrow Ted suitcase

right oh gee I guess now I could take

his golf clubs to get the suitcase later

now if you wanna me it's right there in

the hall closet

well all right thanks

oh this whole incident sure to a crimp

in my day I was supposed to have a fun

lunch with some girlfriends

[Music]

with you you look like you saw a ghost

Oh

all that good times

how long has he been in there a few

hours hope your air conditioning and on

full

you keep a stiff upper lip just like

turn

[Music]

good

excuse me are you the bank card credit

manager that's right you got a minute a

minute yes what can I do for you well I

seem to have this little problem I

thought maybe you could help me out

here's the credit card number well let's

see what the computer has to say ah here

we are

Ted Lawson well as far as I can see the

account is just fine oh great then the

credit hasn't been cut off no mr.

Lawson's been cut off he's dead dead

how is that possible because the

computer says he's dead

well the computer is wrong he is not

dead but I'll tell you what he is he is

angry I'd be angry too if I was dead

I tell you Tim Wilson is alive and

breathing it

alive

I don't care who you are but the

computer says Ted Lawson is deceased and

once it's in the computer there is

nothing I can do about it that is the

stupidest thing I ever heard I mean how

am I supposed to eat and shop and pay my

bills

well thank goodness I finally got

through to you what is this if you'll

have your doctor sign it and send it

back I can issue a new credit card to

the loved ones you've left behind

I can't believe those neighbors sticking

a dog on Santa Claus

I'm so mad next time do it your mother

said turn the other cheek

oh there's a lot of room for business to

get better

we've only unloaded one package of seeds

[Music]

besides man did you see to your pants Oh

a dog chased me a seed felon Oh couldn't

be better

we have to fight the costumers off right

Nikki

we've only unloaded one package of seeds

you can go in the house bigmouth

I'm sorry about your business Jamie is

there anything I can do to help your

partner oh I like that

wait then it's a deal shake now that

what partners you buy me out got a

better idea I'll sit on your lap Stan

ends

get off Harriett all I want is to be

Santa's Little Helper need a little

helper

[Music]

you could pay my nose red and put me the

front of your sleigh

[Music]

oh did you get my credit card

straightened out it's not our credit

that's dead it's me well for some reason

everybody thinks that Ted Lawson is dead

deceased toes up pushing up daisies

[Music]

I don't know somehow it got into their

computer and they've notified all of our

creditors I've been on the phone all day

trying to convince anyone that'll listen

that I'm alive honey that's ridiculous

yeah isn't it I mean last night you

slept with a dead man

[Music]

but it's not the first time

[Music]

this is no time to make jokes John who's

joking

[Music]

I get it

I excuse me do I have the right house

are you mrs. Ted Lawson yes I have a

special delivery letter sign here please

okay

[Music]

hey joonyoung thank you you're welcome

hey who's it from insurance company oh

no dog Tommy I know they cancelled our

policy no no it's a check for $100,000

what they just paid off on your life

insurance well that's great I'll be the

first guy to take it with him

we can't keep yeah you're right but it

is so frustrating I mean I can't prove

that I'm alive while I'm alive I mean

where do I have to do be dead to prove

that I'm alive doesn't make any sense at

all

wait a minute freedom maybe it does make

sense and maybe you can help me

straighten this out

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Laughter]

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by some Christmas tree seeds from the

poor fatherless kids distant city

oh you poor things

I'll take one little boy we found it's

better

oh do you

[Music]

maybe fun around here

[Applause]

[Music]

I'm sorry that we're late it was our

Brandon's fault

that's all right see I told you she

would mind Teddy's not going anyplace

not even catered where's the

please take your seat

[Music]

Oh Joan is so brave I can tell she's

suffering on the inside you'd be the

same way if it was me instead of Ted no

I pop champagne and put on a silly hat

[Music]

thank you all for coming it was dear

Ted's wish that this be a small private

ceremony with just family friends and

creditors present which seems only

fitting since we're going to pay for all

of this with a credit card

there will be no eulogy and it was Ted's

only wish that each of you pass by the

casket and pay your last respects so if

you would please do that you'll make a

dead man very happy

see you wouldn't listen to me I told you

you were dead

[Laughter]

[Music]

you poor dear there's something I never

told you I always had the wee bit of a

crush on you you were always so much

cuter than Brandon

but even now you're better than he done

Teddy Teddy Teddy I gotta be truthful

pal

I'm real sorry this happened but I never

want you all that much

smarter than me once do you remember

that power saw you loaned me it wasn't

stolen for my garage I kept it thanks

for talent that's okay

[Music]

of course I'm alive but I had to pretend

to be dead to convince some of you well

what else could we think and within the

computer you know that's the kind of

thinking that built the Titanic

computers are here to help us not to

replace our brains and know that you're

all convinced will you please brighten

out our credit and thank you for coming

to my late husband's funeral

oh I guess it's a happy ending welcome

back pal yeah for everybody except mr.

Grassi there's mr. Grassi did my dry

cleaner I promised I'd fix him up with

Joan

thanks a lot pal well let's go Bobby the

party's over

oh well no it isn't no I have to give

him back his power saw

those things I said to you when I

thought you were dad well yeah that

you're alive don't try to take advantage

of me

boy Bonnie I'll try but it's gonna be a

real struggle to keep my hands off you

[Laughter]

[Music]

just goes to show you it's easier to

come back from the dead and to get out

of a computer in the first place

I put it in Viki you did why you said

you were dead I didn't mean it that way

and you should have known better now go

to your cabinet

insurance man is check back for $100,000

oh yeah I'll drop it by in the morning

honey that's gonna be a real stab in the

heart

say one thing for them they sure paid

off in a hurry

they sure did I hope they pay off that

fast when you really go