03x19 - I'll Drink to That

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

dad just pulls his car into the garage I

think you're mistaken Vicki in spite of

those fabulous little electronic ears

it's too early it's only 3:30 he's now

walking toward the back door can't be

thick your father doesn't even get off

work until 5:00 I live here

I'm the other name on the marriage

certificate

and what are you doing home so early

wise guy anything wrong dad

not a thing couldn't be better I got a

raise oh just a little happy water to

celebrate huh a little champagne huh and

this is not a cheap domestic label that

says drink by Thursday blue have you the

cost well let me put it to you this way

after we finish the bottle I'm going to

lick the cork Vicki would you chill this

240 degrees please show this 240 degrees

you're welcome now 40 degrees would you

like me to open it no no Vicki I think I

can handle that thank you very much

Oh Vicky if you insist

[Music]

your glass stays in the cupboard until

you're 21 I've never had champagne

before just a little taste

no way this stuff is not for kids just a

little taste is how you get started

drinking first a mouthful then a glass

full then a snootful before you know it

you're a teenage drunk once was way back

into college it was part of a fraternity

initiation they made me drink half a

bottle of scotch

did it make you real drunk well I was

waiting for him to pick me up for a date

and he came riding across campus on a

cow

and that's no bull I was stood blued and

tattooed and the worst part of it was

Jamie I was sick as a dog yeah well

here's some more raises honey I'll drink

Savannah Oh get it get what the French

joy I didn't hear the doorbell Vicki

don't just stand there somebody at the

door

Ill Drink to That

hi there remember me Vicki mrs. Byrne

Wald from the City Department of Family

Services hello mrs. borlaug from the

City Department of Family Services where

are your parents dear they're in the

kitchen

Oh dad's drinking happy water

happy water champagne your father is

drinking champagne at 3:30 in the

afternoon after he finishes the bottle

he's going to lick the court

hi can you tell me anything more about

your father's drinking habits once he

picked up my mom for a date on a cow

and that snowball

hello in a surprise oh how bad well

please sit down I was just in the

neighborhood and I thought I would pop

in to see how Vickie's doing I can see

we have some serious business to discuss

oh what's that why didn't you tell me

that your husband has a drinking problem

what oh you poor dear

it isn't easy living with an alcoholic

[Music]

doesn't have a drinking problem mrs.

Byrne wall

nice to see you you're just in time to

join me in a glass of the bubbly before

you know a be a teenager drunk lucky

please stop finish setting the table for

dinner please mr. Lawson this is

shocking what is shocking let's head for

some reason mrs. firm wall thinks that

you have a problem with drinking and

she's worried about Vicki well that's

ridiculous I don't have a drinking

problem then what's that in your hand

prune juice mr. Lawson the adoption

agency is empowered to take Vicky away

from an alcoholic family mrs. Burton

Walter please please I know drinking can

be a very serious problem but believe me

I am NOT a drinker oh that's the first

sign of an alcoholic denial no no no

this is all very innocent you see I I

got a raise today and I wanted to

celebrate with my family so I I came

home a little early by car or by cow

a minute now I understand Vicki told you

that she certainly did

this is fern well that was way back in

my college days in fact I was telling

the kids about the evils of alcohol I

wouldn't even give them a sip well

that's right sometimes vicki repeats

things out of context and imitates

people you give that's the truth and

remember mrs. fern Walden you chose us

as adoptive parents of the year yes that

was last year what have you done lately

mrs. firm oh we love Vicki and we would

never do anything to harm her well I'll

give you the benefit of the doubt for

now I'll be going

you're not gonna report this to your

department are you no but I intend to

keep a close eye on your husband a very

close eye

[Music]

oh yeah this lady really means business

boy I'll say

you know honey just to be on the safe

side we've got some liquor in the

cabinet let's pour it down the drain and

throw away the bottle said we don't

drink it anyway good idea let's not give

her any of the reason to get suspicious

yeah she might find out that our adopted

happy well-adjusted little girl happens

to be a happy not so well-adjusted

little robot for my dad I just came by

My Dads Boss

to see what time they're picking me up

Friday night carry it

you gotta stop tying your shoelaces so

tight it's cutting off the circulation

to your brain are you I thought we'd go

to the movies first and then get a pizza

why would I want to spend that kind of

money on you

because I know you can afford it now

that your dad got a raise

how'd you know about that it's really

very simple so even you ought to be able

to understand it my dad is your dad's

boss right right before your dad can get

a raise my dad has to okay well why

would I want to take you out even if I

could afford it because whatever my dad

giveth

he can taketh away good then in that

case I'm gonna come over here and take a

few away are you willing to risk your

father's nice raise over one little day

with me what time does the movie start

Mr Lawson

[Music]

Oh mr. Lawson did you really think you

could put one over on me what are you

talking about

oh don't play mr. innocent with me I

found four liquor bottles in your trash

well yes but first I emptied them down

the drain don't you mean down the hatch

well I do not have a drinking problem

you're still hiding from yourself eh mr.

Lawson look I like you I like your whole

family I don't want to take Vicky away

from you I assure you mrs. Broome well

there's no need to there must be

something I can do to convince you about

this drinking oh but there is fear I

expect you to be at that address tonight

at eight o'clock an alcoholic

rehabilitation meeting exactly and I'm

going right over there and tell them to

expect you they need twice a week and

I'll be getting reports that's goodbye

mrs. burn Walt listen you owe this to

that sweet little child and your wife

you poor dear

[Music]

I don't believe this I will not go to an

alcoholic rehabilitation meeting I am

NOT an alcoholic my name is Ted and I'm

I'm an alcoholic

[Applause]

[Music]

Ted

now when I say alcohol like I I don't

mean I'm I'm I'm actually an alcoholic

you look like a real alcoholic like you

guys

what I mean is I'm not I'm not your

usual run-of-the-mill how g*y there's no

hedging Ted you you can't solve your

problem until you admit that you have

won let me ask you something did you

have a drink today

oh yes just a little baby Buddha

champagne champagne is an alcoholic

beverage Ted yeah what what time did you

have your little drink of champagne oh

well I guess it was about 3:30 you drink

at work no no no no I was home at home

oh you were too hungover from last night

to go into work today being alcoholic is

nothing to celebrate Ted is that right

ladies now mr. Benson no you you see I

think we can help you here too

I'm going to I'm going to recommend that

one of the members of the group be your

buddy that someone that you can call in

case you feel an urge to to take a drink

and also someone who can call on you

terrific um Kenny I'd like you to meet

your new buddy Ted listen why don't we

take a break and have some coffee and

doughnuts and then we'll continue the

session okay

thank you

first thing let me show you the official

alcoholics handshake humor sometimes

it's all you have left I mean like right

now well I used to have a wife and kids

and they left me because I drank a lot

I'm sorry I had a great job one of the

top text tool salesman in the state but

I was fired because I drank a lot well

that's terrible I have no job no family

no future and all because I drank a lot

it's really rough count everybody handle

it I drink a lot

Harriet

[Music]

yes Harriet no Harriet goodbye Harriet

what you want

she said when you pick her up for your

date tonight you should wear your blue

blazer

she said it turns her on I knew what

turned her off I think I'll drown my

sorrows in a root beer with a big head

on it look dad mr. forgot I threw it out

last night well you know what it tastes

like what could one little sip do to me

dad said no way it's bad for kids all

right

hae-jin say it's bad for robots Vicki

take some and tell me how it tastes well

I'm perfectly fine thank you

[Music]

Kenny

yeah that's a lot please Oh someone

started that chainsaw in my head you

should see your eyes from the inside

Kenny why didn't you call me I'm your

buddy listen I tried to I was on my way

to the phone and I had a little accident

what happened some clown stepped on my

fingers

a kidney listen this is my wife Joan and

my daughter Vicki honey this is the man

I told you about oh yes you're the poor

slob

that's me all right Kenny this may be a

wild guess but I'd say you'd fallen off

the wagon

looks like the wagon dragged in for a

few miles

Kenny I think you need some strong black

coffee come on honey Vicky

keep an eye on

[Music]

vicki and keeping an eye on you could

you do me a favor could you go away and

come back when you're a c*ck

waitress

stays here okay taste it but just stop

moving around standstill I am standing

still it's my head that's spinning

around my head to spin around too

[Music]

Vicky

you know I think you're imagining things

I mean how could a little girl's head

spin all the way around I think you're

hallucinating yeah you're right I must

be getting the DG's oh no Kenny you know

listen I I wouldn't have another drink I

mean the next thing you'll be telling me

the Vicky's neck is stretching all the

way to the ceiling

[Music]

oh my god never have another drink I

swear

oh I'll answer it yes sir what about

your doorbell oh now my hearing

[Music]

come on Kenny let's get some coffee into

you yes could you put it in the cup

good evening mrs. Lawson oh please

please come on in thank you hello Vicki

but please not so loud

what's the matter sweetheart do you have

a headache

[Music]

it feels like someone started a chainsaw

on my head Portia who's been drinking do

me favor go go and come back when your

c*ck waitress

does it I'm going to get a court order

and remove the key from this house

repeating what she heard the man from

the rehabilitation centers saying I know

who that man is your husband his name is

Kenny he's in the program was head

really hey Jenna I'm never gonna have

another drink I mean it yes oh hi mrs.

Byrne wall that is cami mrs. fern wall

that wonderful man saved my life I am so

happy

I'm never gonna drink again maybe can

you should go and lie down for a while

what a good idea honey come on Jenny

a bedroom is second door on the right by

the way did I tell you that it feels

like someone started a chain saw and my

yeah thanks for sharing that

what did you hear that mrs. Primm llama

doesn't that prove that vicki was just

repeating him well I guess I guess it

does I just hope that you can help

yourself as well as you did that Kenny

oh you can count on it I think you can

say my drinking problem doesn't exist

well I can't tell you how glad I am that

it all turned out this way

good night little one

[Music]

oh I just love happy endings

minna-san arcade is not man yeah game

you promised me a movie you took carried

out on a date nail him into it

blackmailed him she said if I didn't

take her out her dad would take back

their raise Harriette the president of

the company gave me that raise not your

father

in fact your father tried to block it I

know that

what you lied to me hey what a night

mrs. pearl walled-off our case yeah

well I think it was all worthwhile Jamie

I think you can see that alcoholism is a

terrible disease for adults as well as

teenagers I sure can dad

hopefully we helped Kenyon he'll never

have another drink

[Applause]