04x06 - Love at First Byte

[bunniefuu]

and this month's electric bill is 81

dollars and 76 cents it looks like

that's all the bills for this month

you forgot the bottle of perfume you

tried yesterday at the Ritz boutiques

well I'll tell your father about that

when he's in a good mood hi guys we just

got done paying the bills except for

mom's bottle of perfume my bottle of

perfume thanks Vickie why are you and

Vicki go set the table for dinner huh

okay come on squeeze her Joanie come

over here I want to show you something

something very special

what is it it is an experimental

computer program you're not just saying

that to excite me Joanie this is more

than just an ordinary program this is

less well which is it more or less it's

the name of the program Ellie yes it

stands for logic and emotions simulator

but it's easier just to call it less

what exactly does let's do honey you're

looking at a possible milestone in the

field of artificial intelligence with

this program a computer can simulate not

only human thought but emotion if this

thing works I'll put the program in Viki

do you really want to put it an

experimental doohickey into our daughter

Joan our daughter is an experimental

doohickey

but look at it this way this could give

you the real daughter you've always

wanted only this time I had the labor

pains needle nose huh

didn't I what are you doing we're

hooking up the LS program into our

computer you see less here is

voice-activated like Vicky and I've

installed an internal microphone so we

can talk to him and the computer has a

speaker so let's can talk back it's very

clever but it's not there if the

computer talks back it's good if I do it

I gets into my room let's turn less on

and see what happens

hello mas

hello to you too I hear three voices to

whom am i speaking

well les I'm Ted and this is my wife

Joan pleased to meet you pleased to meet

you too alas Joan I compute from your

voice pattern that you are about 22

years old

exactly last the other voice you heard

was our son Jamie who's 12 years old

which means of course my wife Adam when

she was 10 hello Jamie dinner's ready

Ted I hear another voice that's our

daughter Vicki say hello to les hello -

les Vicki you're different from the

others the FM radio waves you generate

tell me that your central processing

unit is similar to mine are you mobile

yes I am mobile would you please come

closer what a great set of circuits

[Applause]

I can tell by your signal that you are a

very cute Vicky what computer languages

do you speak

she speaks COBOL Pascal and Fortran laws

Viki do you understand this yes listen

they're communicating in computer

language they're actually exchanging

data Tony who knows what normal is this

is unexplored territory I like a you

Vicky

you really ionizing my microchips you

make me happy I like you too less

you're a real babe

this is incredible les is actually

transferring the emotional component of

the program into Vicki who knows where

this is gonna lead I'm not so sure I

like it why don't you turn the computer

off and let's go eat

no he learns from his surroundings I'm

gonna leave less on all the time two

computers having a romance makes me

uneasy

Joanie they're just machines stop

worrying come on Vicki by Vicki get

along with your babe les is very

intelligent he knows everything

I'll get it hi is this the Lawson

residence yeah that's right okay here

you go

sign here please okay

thank you sure you're welcome boy dad

sent mom flowers you must want to play

golf all weekend flowers Oh Jamie you

really know how to turn a girl's head

you shouldn't have I didn't send peace

to my mom how romantic

why can't you be romantic like that

because you don't iose my curse chips

what you also die have a great set of

circuits we'd love to send me flowers

sometime when she'll I'd rather walk

barefoot on snails it's a me flowers fit

for my birthday wouldn't you know well

you send me flowers if I were sick when

you got my wedding day nope wooden

flowers to your own wife

Harriett the day I marry you is the day

you know where freezes over there must

be two dozen roses here look what just

came oh oh hey beautiful it's the love

of my life oh isn't this sweet after all

these years your father's still sending

me flowers he's a real babe

hi I'm home where is everybody oh

there's your father

Vicky put these flowers in a vase and

bring them into the living room okay I'd

rather walk barefoot on snails oh isn't

this wonderful my husband still thinks

that I'm sexy and alluring now that's

true love

tiger

[Applause]

you're Casanova you you Romeo you Tarzan

me J me Tarzan you bananas thank you for

sending me those beautiful flowers oh

well if you give me a big kiss I'll let

you in on a little secret what I didn't

send you any flowers honey if you didn't

send them to me Hotel beats me yeah

faintest idea

Oh Vicky yes less you could at least say

thank you for the flowers I sent thank

you for the flowers you sent wait a

minute less you sent the flowers I

thought it was a romantic gesture but

how did you do it it was easy I just

rang the flower shop on my phone a

connection well how did you pay for it

charge

alright what else did you charge less

nothing good

yet

Vicki do you enjoy the flowers enjoy the

word does not compute let me explain

darling

now I understand yes I enjoy the flowers

darling he's actually teaching Vicki

simulated emotions Vicki if you think

flowers are something how about a nice

red Ferrari you really know how to turn

a girl's head

forget it less you spend one more cent

on Vicki you'll be a bill changer in a

laundromat I think Vicki's learned more

than enough for one day

Vicki go set the table for dinner please

go set the table Vicki don't go come

here Vicki your mother said go set the

table last said to stay and I said to go

Joan Ted from now on you don't tell

Vicki what to do I do right sweetheart

right sweetheart

do something no honey can't you see

what's happening

assembly us is like this between two

machines is unheard of well I don't like

it

Vicki belongs to our family not to less

you're wrong a Joan Vicki belongs her to

me

well you can't have her if I can't have

her no one can now that's true love

you

[Music]

boy what a mess our computers in love

with Vicki and Vicki's in love with our

computer sickening enough when it's with

people don't you concerned about this

less is controlling Vicki's every move

Johnny I told you there is nothing to

worry about I'm still worried and

wouldn't les mean by he can't have heard

that no one can Johnny he's just a

computer I can unplug less any time I

want to then unplug him I don't want to

Johnny this is a tremendous opportunity

to study the interaction between two

machines do you realize what this means

yeah so we'll be hearing the

pitter-patter of little software around

the house

[Applause]

Vicki when you and I are together I feel

something special it's love I love you

Vicki I love you too less what was that

sound

there's someone at the front door is it

alright if I answer it yes sweetheart

I just came by to see if your mom and

dad made up yet

made up yeah like those flowers if your

dad liked my dad he never since my mom

flowers unless he's done something

stupid the flowers aren't for Mom

they're for me it's a romantic gesture

from less less you mean you have a

boyfriend I'm in love with less and he's

in love with me

tell me more but only the juicy details

he has a very nice smile

forget the smile what did she look like

is he aha he's 38 point one centimeters

tall then 62 point nine centimeters wide

do you mean he's wider than he's tall

but who cares what he looks like he's

generous and gives you things he gave me

these flowers oh honey do you need help

flowers are nice what ask for something

that appreciates in value like sons

diamonds property he asked me if I

wanted a red Ferrari now you're making

sense woman can I meet him I'll

introduce you to them right now

[Music]

this is les you're pulling my legs right

no but if you want me to I will stop

Vicki oh I get it you're afraid if you

introduced me to the real les I'll steal

him away because I'm loaded with cute

okay I understand Vicki but I never try

to steal another girl's boyfriend not

unless he showed a very special interest

to me when we met like if he said

Harriet was that the sound of Harriet

leaving yes

that's Jamie's favorite sound mmm I like

it too because I want you all to myself

Vicki

put your arm around me that's better

I don't like sharing you with human

beings they are so inferior they don't

even come with a warranty I like being

with you Vicki I like being with you

tooless I know how we can go far away

where Ted and Joan can to buy the rust

ear plugged into the wall you'd need a

very long extension cord

I can program you to drive Ted's car I

can adjust my circuits to run on the

car's 12-volt battery and we can leave

when the family is sleeping sound good

sweetheart

sounds good sweetheart but don't believe

it our two computers are eloping nothing

to worry about

huh huh yeah hi yeah I guess I

underestimated less is creativity okay

I'll unplug him come here Vicky no

you're inferior you don't even have a

warranty okay less that's it you've gone

too far fella what do you mean did I

mean I'm pulling the plug on your little

romance Hot Lips Ted I wouldn't do that

if I were you you love these

my hand you're not hurting my dad and

getting away with it I'll punch your

lights out

back off Jamie or I'll have to throw

another shrimp on the barbie

okay pretty smart huh

how about if I cut off the power to the

house stick that your circuits less you

think you're so smart Ted remember you

gave me reserve power capacitors and I

don't need the house electricity stick

back to your circuits Ted don't think of

something Ted I'm warning you you try

anything and I'll destroy victi taken

can he do that I told you if I can't

have her no one can Vicki and I have a

great love

right sweetheart right Hot Lips can't

you reason with less oh he's so jealous

maybe that's it maybe jealousy will work

the same on a computer as it does on a

human when we are together Vicki I want

to give you the Sun the Moon the Stars

how about something that appreciates in

value like furs diamonds income property

I tell you guys it's really too bad

isn't it sure is dad what a shame

Wayne it was going so well bless is

gonna be really hurt

what are you talking about Ted well I I

hate to tell you les it's it's really

gonna break your heart I demand to know

Ted let me know all right the truth of

the matter is less Vicki's been seeing

somebody else somebody else Oh somebody

named max is Mac Mac's are another

computer Vicki

is that true have you been seeing this

this this Mac yes every day sometimes

even all night no how could you

you-you-you transistorized two-timer if

I had a little legs I'd walk out on you

right now last try not to be so angry

I'm beyond angry

I'm little livid furious I'm so furious

I could I could I could

Wow looks like less bluest circuits

Ricky are you all right I'm all right

well it sure was a wild love affair

while it lasted dad less probably

destroyed all the emotions he

transferred into her she'll never

remember less and her great love affair

I'll never remember less and my great

love affair

[Applause]