04x16 - Kid-O-Grams

[bunniefuu]

Jamie Vicki hurry up dad's home hi I'm

home Joan game Vicki anybody oh no oh I

forgot our anniversary honey I am so

sorry but I've been so busy anniversary

I knew that today is your birthday

no no no I couldn't be I am I just had a

birthday that was a year ago honey no

gee a year went by that fast

here's your present dad thanks Jamie

bigger tall tablets the medicine that

wakes up tired blood

I don't have tired blood Oh your age

your blood falls asleep before you do

thanks Vicki prunes to get you going in

the morning

[Music]

are you ten Lawson yes

write out your will and take another

pill shed a birthday tear for the end is

palming near happy birthday from your

lovely wife Joe

[Applause]

I'll be seeing you soon

[Music]

it wasn't that funny tip it's a regular

riot I could I could die laughing the

candles jeez how to get my age I don't

know if I have enough breath Allah I'll

just take a bigger old tablet have a

prune and make out my will he didn't

laugh at any of our jokes our old man

thinks he's an old man seemed like a

good idea at the time it was mom and

that singing telegram gave me a great

idea

I guess not my own singing telegram

business to make a fortune and thinking

you can help me with it

we'll get going in the morning get going

in the morning in that case you'll need

these prunes

[Music]

hey J what you're doing okay ready once

my rents a thousand words singing

telegrams for every occasion Jamie

Lawson president it's my new business I

have cheer people up and they're gonna

pay me a fortune to do it and that'll

cheer him up I always wanted to marry

rich well let's say for example you want

to send a Valentine greeting to your

girl brandy you tell me all about her

give me two bucks and I'll write a

singing telegram oh you mean like yo

sweet Brittany sweetest kid you're so

cute and you're so fine bet you think

I'm terrific cuz I sent this Valentine

and my brain working fast for Reggie

with your eyes of telegrams Vicky

singing them tell them we could do okay

how'd you like to join the company you

mean be partners right hey you got it

partner

hey hey what about me what can I do you

can be our first customer

[Music]

okay the key do your thing are you Arnie

Harris yeah so Arnie this one's for you

we've gone steady three whole days Arnie

Arnie I love you in many ways Arnie

you're my guy three whole days have

passed is that it wouldn't last

just to prove that they were wrong I

sent this to buck song from Peggy that

was great if you ever want to send Peggy

a singing telegram here's our fire

thanks how many more telegrams to

deliver Vicki three one happy birthday

Gwen one hope your rash clears that

Maureen and one

Mazel Tov on your Bar Mitzvah David

[Music]

what are you doing my skin has lost its

firmness it takes jello less time to

settle honey stop this you've been

acting like an old man for three days no

no honey I I think that you and the kids

are right I I am an old man oh you are

not I mean you're young handsome strong

vital I think I'll take a nap now

I don't want to hear the word old in

this house the accent is on young honey

I really don't think I should at my age

age is just a state of mind you're as

young as you think you are I think I'm

112 but honey you know how it is at my

age the first two things that go are

your memory and your okay Vicky how'd we

do all together we delivered six

telegrams with $2 apiece that's $12

great let's divvy it up okay that's

three dollars for Vicky three dollars

for you and six dollars for me wait how

come you get twice as much as we do

simple I'm the president

he's right but you said we were partners

Reggie's right I never said we were

equal partners Vicki we both can't be

right

you're right Reggie I'm the one who

thought up kilograms yeah but you'd be

nowhere finally write all those great

songs writers they're a dime a dozen oh

yeah well here's a dime by a desert

we're gonna start my own singing

telegram business you'll be sorry

just do one of being a singing telegram

business

oh boy really well okay see you dance

[Laughter]

you heard anyway never leave me out of

your company

Harriet Reggie and I just split up yeah

you're gonna be working for me

now wait a minute Jamie's my man I can't

go to work for a competing firm I'll pay

you a dollar a telegram when do we start

right now let's put up flyers yeah good

riddance who needs them we do Dobie

competition they'll cut our profits in

half don't worry no one can sell

telegrams like the big J but Reggie has

Harriet to sing the songs now don't

worry she can't sing near as good as you

but with Reggie gone who's going to

write this songs I sing I am it's time

to worry

[Music]

small wonder we'll return after these

messages we don't have to split it with

Reggie the office is open a musical with

the swingin telegrams

can't you read who's thanking me what

kind of question is that Jamie Lawson at

your service what can I do for you

I'm Stanley Knopf ski always been a

telegram to that girl over there

my name's Stella that'll be $2 what

would you like to say to stuff well I

ain't no good with no words you know

well just tell me what you'd like to say

and I'll put it into the right words

well uh I want to know that she's my

girl and nobody better mess with her no

way or I'll know what I mean

I think I can put that into words

anything else yeah Toula that any guy

who even looks at her I'm gonna tie his

arms and legs together with this tongue

thing make it sound romantic you got it

the skull will receive her singing

telegram this time tomorrow wrong you're

gonna deliver in five minutes five

minutes I can't deliver an original

singing telegram in five minutes

how'd you like me to rip your nose off

and stick it in your left ear put this

to music and sing it stuff sing it to

Stella

yes this one's for you sterilized our

life tell me you love me do I'm so crazy

I could break arms for you if some guys

should mess with yous dear I'd hang him

by his shoes dear he won't look me

they'll be dead meat that's how much I

love you Stella this telegram was sent

to you from Stanley King offski hey

Stella I bet you didn't think I could be

so romantic

you call that romantic you don't own me

I'll go with anyone I want to and that

doesn't include you you big 8

[Applause]

if you'd like to recommend our wonderful

service chair friends please give them

this flyer

you all your fault

cuz of you I just lost the only girl I

ever loved for free okay I'll give you

one more chance

you deliver tomorrow same time same

place and this time you better make

things right you know what I mean he

knows what you mean

remember the deadlines tomorrow the

emphasis on dead boy if we don't pull

this off Vicky we're in big trouble

what do you mean we stranger

[Music]

cowabunga

gnarlie wipeout deed what do you think

you're doing a hanging tan man like a

fugitive from beach blanket bingo just

taking your advice my little surf bunny

I am acting young feeling young and

looking young you no longer married to

an old man you're married to the Big

Kahuna hey dude cool off mellow down

laid-back chill out and a dozen other

groovy sayings that I haven't learned

yet come on dog fidget Gidget slip into

a two-piece grab your board and let's

sh**t the curl no no the curb Oh see

okay you went young you got young

Stella Stella Ariela have a bite of my

marshmallow what do you think I think

you should call regim they came to write

the telegram for you over my dead body

that's a definite possibility I won't

ask that traitor for anything hi Becky

hi traders how's business

couldn't be better how's your business

even better than couldn't be better

repeat business and this is the second

telegram for a satisfied customer

he was so satisfied he threatened a

stiff Jamie's nose and his ear we don't

have those kind of problems with our

customers in fact we just delivered

three telegrams that's right one measles

what time's left me and when I saw you

with that other girl I'm throwing your

ring down the sewer imagine you know

this is ridiculous why are you competing

we did better as a team would you join

my company again you mean you really

took me back do we have a deal not a

chance

wait please Stanley can ask he's gonna

turn me into a hockey puck I'll give you

anything you want just name it okay I

want an equal partnership and 50% of the

profits anything but that okay you got

it

and what about me oh yeah Harriet joins

the company too do I have a choice yes

you can Miss Stanley's deadline with the

emphasis on dead

this is so tubular

[Music]

[Applause]

[Laughter]

Joan but now that I'm young again you

can call me bad you got nuts the

Roadhouse down a few brewskis and slam

dancing Oh Joan you look ridiculous you

know you don't have to dress like a

crazed teenager to look young I don't

look any more ridiculous than you to Big

Kahuna I I guess you're right I guess I

do look like a fool idiot yo-yo

feel free to jump in any time and stop

me here

alright Joanie you made your point I

guess I do feel a little silly in the

sastras to return the motorcycle to

Charley's kid up the street while I slip

into something middle-class mom dad it's

a long story Jana I don't think I want

to hear it

so you guys are white don't worry

everything's taken care of right it's

better patch things up between me and

Stella or I'll be sending telegrams here

next to Ken miss Bella okay this was for

you Vicky

you're on won't you forgive me Stella

let's make this work I'm asking you to

[Music]

if you would only love me I know I'm a

klutz and my baby is a baby

[Music]

now that's romantic

[Music]

[Applause]

are we great or what yeah we're not

exactly chopped liver

seniors are a dime a dozen yeah oh

really

who needs you 15 are going to start our

own singing telegram business starting

your own business that's funny yeah

really well this one's for you hey Vicky

oh we're gonna dance we're gonna see our

profits will be nice the kids won't pay

you bet just cuz will undertake your

prize Jamie your business we will steal

coz we pass us and we've got brains and

we've got sex up here

you