01x06 - The Cutening/Close Encounters of the Worst Kind/Equal Time

[bunniefuu]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

It's time for Animaniacs ♪

And we're zany to the max ♪

So just sit back and relax ♪

You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪

- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

Just for fun, we run around

the Warner movie lot ♪

They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught ♪

But we break loose and then vamoose

and now you know the plot ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

Our careers have made comebacks ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

Meet Pinky and the Brain

who want to rule the universe ♪

A brand new cast who tested well

in focus group research ♪

Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

And ethnically diverse ♪

The trolls will say we're so passé,

but we did meta first ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

You should see our new contracts ♪

We're zany to the max,

there's baloney in our slacks ♪

We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

Part Great Dane-y ♪

Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

[♪♪♪]

[RELAXING MUSIC]

[CRICKETS AND BIRDS CHIRPING]

[YAWNING, STRETCHING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[INHALE]

[CHOKING]

[CARS HONKING]

Ugh!

[CLUCK]

[REPULSED GROAN]

[PEOPLE YELLING ON TABLET]

MAN: Don't you talk to-- Hey!

[SLURPING]

The first topic is death--

- I hate it!

- I hate it more!

Ah, so you agree--

BOTH: No!

[YELLING CONTINUES]

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[SLURPING]

DOT: Wakko, stop!

That's disgusting!

But, we're out of spoons!

And bowls. And

[SLURPING]

Milk.

Hey, can you two keep it down?

I'm pretending to listen

to the news like an adult.

[ANGRY YELLING CONTINUES]

WOMAN: I hate it more!

[CLUCK]

When did the world become so unbearable?

[SLURPING]

[BELCH]

[CLUCK]

[CLUCK]

[SQUIRT]

[FOREBODING MUSIC]

That's it!

Desperate times call for

desperate measures.

[SPARKLING]

[HAPPY MUSIC PLAYING]

Whee!

DOT: This cupcake is the cutest

thing I've ever seen.

And I've been saving it

for a moment like this.

I just need some cuteness

in my life right now.

You don't mind, do you?

Well, actually--

[GRUNTING, CHOKING]

[WHEEZING]

[HUMMING]

[GROANING]

[ZAP]

[ZAP]

[ZAP]

[♪♪♪]

Look at that.

The world's a little cuter already.

[ZAP]

[ZAP]

Are you okay, Jamie?

[SQUEAK]

- Whoa

- What's happening?

That cute cupcake must've supercharged

my own relentless cuteness,

giving me super cute superpowers!

[SMASH]

This is amazing!

I can make everything cute now!

[ZAP]

[♪♪♪]

[POINK POINK]

- Wait, wait, Dot.

You don't have to make everything cute!

Yes. Yes, I do!

No! No!

I'm the one who yaks!

I've got a rakish charm about me!

Don't fight it.

[ZAP]

[GRUNTING]

[ZAP]

[POINK]

[EXCITED SQUEAL]

I'll try anything once.

[ZAP]

[GRUNTING]

Aw! Look at the two of you!

Oh, I just wanna

tickle, tickle, tickle!

[GIGGLING]

Alright.

Let's put these peepers to work!

[ZAP]

[♪♪♪]

[ZAP]

If this trash heap had a twinkle ♪

in its little trash heap eyes ♪

If this sewer rat had rosy cheeks ♪

This bus became pint-sized ♪

What if all the dogs were puppies ♪

And the puppies all were sad ♪

What if cuttlefish were cuddly ♪

And we pedicured your dad ♪

What if you could kiss a pigeon ♪

Without contracting Lyme disease ♪

All the chairs were beanbags

made of soft, delicious cheese ♪

If this moldy bread had a smile ♪

That was 50 shades of green ♪

What if this pirate stopped frowning ♪

'Cause his head was a jellybean ♪

What if, what if, what if

the world was cuter? ♪

What if, what if, what if

a little more kawaii ♪

What if, what if, what if

we all rode scooters? ♪

And we'd all have our chance to shine ♪

What if this red-faced man

looked happy?

And this one's rancor

was more refined? ♪

What if Tuck Buck was your true love? ♪

So sweet and valentined? ♪

- So sweet and Valentine? ♪

- What if old shoes were more bouncy ♪

Yeah, and they still had their squeak? ♪

Naked mole-rats wore a sweater,

and grizzly bears were meek? ♪

We'll dress up this suit of armor ♪

In a stone-washed denim skirt ♪

Turn the Nile into a babbling brook,

and make Niagara a little squirt ♪

What if, what if, what if ♪

The world was cuter? ♪

What if, what if, what if

a little more kawaii ♪

What if, what if, what if ♪

We all rode scooters? ♪

And we'd all have our chance to shine ♪

[♪♪♪]

[WIND BLOWING]

[LAUGH, GULP]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[DISTORTED MUSIC]

It's been four weeks,

we can't stop singing ♪

And we've slowly gone insane ♪

There's a gumdrop wrapped in rainbows

where there used to be my brain ♪

We have to end this nightmare,

I have sugar in my eyes ♪

Please make it stop,

we can't endure another cute reprise ♪

What if, what if

the pigeon is the answer ♪

What if, what if ♪

[CLUCK]

What if we held it close? ♪

What if, what if, what if ♪

We turned it all back?

What if, what if ♪

By doing something gross? ♪

[CREAKING]

[CREEPY MUSIC]

[LICKING]

[CLUCK]

[CAWING]

[HUMMING]

[VOMITING]

[VOMITING]

[VOMITING]

[SHATTERING, FART]

We did it.

Everything is back to normal.

- Well, almost.

- Eh, close enough.

[THUNDER CRACKING]

Pinky and the Brain

theme song playing ♪

Gee, Brain,

what do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[THUNDER]

[♪♪♪]

They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

One is a genius, the other's insane ♪

They're laboratory mice ♪

Their genes have been spliced ♪

They're dinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[SLAM]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

BRAIN: The known universe.

Over 100 billion galaxies.

Inside each one, countless alien planets.

But none so ripe for the picking

as planet Earth.

[THUD]

Fertile soil, cool water,

a diverse biome

and a dominant species collectively unable

to spell the word Mississippi.

Human young are defenseless

until the age of 12.

Mommy! Bring me another pizza bagel.

BRAIN: And often long after.

They're sitting ducks.

Don't believe me?

Ask this typical human man.

I look forward to laboring

under your rule.

Narf!

I am the Brain,

and I am here to facilitate

your hostile takeover of Earth,

using my superior intellect

and knowledge of local customs.

In exchange,

allow me to rule in your stead

after you've colonized it.

Come, join me,

- and together, we'll--

- [STATIC]

I wanna dance, I wanna dance ♪

I wanna dance, dance, dance

until my limbs fall ♪

Pinky! You recorded over my invitation

to hostile intelligent life

across the universe!

Yes, with an invitation to boogie down!

I Wanna Dance is the hit of the summer!

[SIGH]

[ELECTRICITY FIZZLING]

[♪♪♪]

[BEEPING, ZAPPING]

[RADIO CHATTER]

BRAIN: The known universe.

Over 100 billion galaxies.

Inside each one,

countless alien planets

[BUZZING]

[BEEPING]

We're receiving a narrowband

signal from sector 9, Pinky!

[ALIEN NOISES]

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain,

but if my knees bent

backwards like an ostrich,

which restroom would I use?

I'm sending our coordinates.

Come! Let us await

our intergalactic guests.

[♪♪♪]

[OWL HOOTING]

[WHIRRING]

[WHIRRING]

[HUMMING]

Courage, Pinky.

[CLICK, WHIRRING]

[♪♪♪]

[SQUISHING]

[CREEPY MUSIC]

Look away!

They're too horrible to behold!

[ALIEN NOISES]

[ALIEN NOISES]

Um, you'll have to excuse me.

I don't speak that.

[BEEP]

Sorry about that.

I never know which language to use.

Hi there! My name is

[HORRIBLE, UNPRONOUNCEABLE SOUND]

But you can call me Gabriella.

You must be Brain.

I am the Brain,

and this is my underling, Pinky.

Zort!

Aw, look at you!

You're learned

the basic salutations

of our native tongue!

That's so sweet!

It's actually pronounced

[ALIEN NOISES]

You really wanna roll all your tongues.

Zo-gro-blugh

Enough! We need to get on with our plan.

[DOG BARKING]

GABRIELLA: Oh, look!

[YELL, GRUNT]

[BARKING]

PINKY: Oh, a doggy!

Oh, is it a doggy-dog

doggy-dog dog-dog? Oh

[BARKING, SNIFF]

- Oh! Oh!

She must smell my dog.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[LEASH WINDING]

[SCREAMING]

It's only a matter of time until

this planet's authorities are

alerted to your presence.

I haven't had time to plan.

We need to--

- Go to

the mall!

Brilliant!

The mall. Where better to find

an abundance of tawdry, mass-produced,

leave-nothing-to-the-imagination

Earth clothing

to disguise their unique appearance?

[BABY CRYING]

Oh, look! Oh!

Their plan is nothing

short of genius, Pinky!

What do you think?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I love it!

BRAIN: Splendid!

Now that you're doing your best simulacrum

of a suburban youth,

we can begin our plan in earnest.

First, we must--

Go to

the food court!

The food court?

Ah, yes.

My thoughts exactly.

Where better to source

the rare plastic polymers

found only in the corn dog batter

at Hot Dog On A Log?

[PINKY GASPS]

There's a Hot Dog On A Log? Whee!

[DRIPPING]

BRAIN: Ah, yes.

Researching the most economical means

by which to nourish their

enslaved human workforce.

They're really quite brilliant,

aren't they?

[RUMBLING]

[GULP]

[CONTENTED CHEWING]

Pass the ketchup!

[SPLATTERING]

The log is the best part!

Now, as I was saying,

I noticed your ship is powered by

deionizing proton thrusters.

What say we use them

to bombard the stratosphere

with spent chlorine nuclei,

destroying the ozone layer for good.

From there, together, we can--

Do karaoke!

Do karaoke. Huh?

[ZIP]

GABRIELLA: I wanna dance, I wanna dance ♪

Woo!

PINKY: I wanna dance, dance, dance

until my limbs fall off ♪

I wanna dance ♪

I wanna dance, I wanna ♪

Dance, dance, dance

until my limbs fall off ♪

Whoa ♪

Whoa! ♪

BOTH: I wanna dance until my limbs fall off ♪

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

[MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]

[ROARING]

I mean woo?

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

Well, that was certainly in

keeping with the spirit of karaoke.

Painful to the eyes and ears.

Now, shall we begin the invasion

before the FBI descends on us?

I've already identified--

[ON SPEAKER] DJ:/FONT Next up, it's Gabriella & Brain!

Absolutely not. [GRUNT]

[ROCK PLAYING]

Oh, come on, Brain.

It's gonna be so much fun.

Yes, Brain! Let loose a little!

[GRUNT]

[ANGRY GRUMBLING]

That's it! I've had it!

[GASPS]

No more songs!

No more consumerism!

Now, go on, Gabriella,

begin your unholy subjugation!

Woo!

Brain, we need to talk.

We we don't wanna take over the world.

What? You came here

because of my message.

No! We came here because of

that jamming tune you played us.

[ALIEN GROWLING]

I told you! Hit of the summer!

[SIGHS]

GABRIELLA: Brain, we should've been honest.

We're more interested

in exploring than pillaging.

Do you really wanna destroy

all this wonder and beauty?

[LAUGHING]

Yes!

[PINKY LAUGHING]

[SMASH]

But, Brain, we can't leave before

I have another go at 'dead-mau-five.'

It's 'dead mouse, ' Pinky.

[GASPS]

Oh no! When?

[♪♪♪]

If these tentacled twits won't

help us take over the world,

then we'll just use their

technology to do it ourselves!

This button must activate

their weapons.

People of Earth,

prepare to meet your benevolent dictator!

[SHIP WHIRRING]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

Zort!

[WHIRRING]

[CLICKING]

[HUMMING]

Egad! What does this button do?

[BUZZ]

BRAIN: Whoa!

PINKY: Poit!

[SIRENS BLARING, HELICOPTERS WHIRRING]

[♪♪♪]

[BLOWTORCHES ARCING]

[WHIRRING]

I don't understand it.

Their genetic makeup is identical

to the common Earth mouse.

How incredible.

These humble-looking creatures

crossed the entire cosmos,

just to make contact with us.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[♪♪♪]

I wanna dance ♪

I wanna dance ♪

Shut the f ront door!

Gabriella's on Team Blake?

Humanity's oblivion

continues to astound me.

Everyone thinks they're humans.

I wanna dance, dance, dance

until my limbs fall off ♪

[FEEDBACK]

[SCREECHING]

Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Turn that off, Pinky.

We have to prepare for tomorrow night.

Why? What we going to

do tomorrow night, Brain?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the--

[SPRAYING]

Whee! Foam party!

[♪♪♪]

Welcome to the Animaniacs

2020 Election Special.

I'm Yakko Warner,

and I'm reading off a teleprompter.

And now, I'm looking

into a different camera.

Let's go live to election correspondent

Dot Warner, who is at the polls in Iowa.

That's right, Yakko.

Here I am in Iowa,

the state we pretend to

care about for one January

every four years.

I'm cold and lonely,

just like everyone else in Iowa!

Fascinating. Now, over to Wakko

with the electoral map.

How's it shaping up, Wakko?

Also boring. Hey!

I could sing my song to spice things up.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana,

Indianapolis, Indiana ♪

And Columbus is the capital of Ohi-- ♪

Oh, it's all the same.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

- I thought this might happen. Thing is,

our two big political parties

just aren't fun anymore.

[♪♪♪]

Luckily, there are some totally insane-y

third-party candidates out there

who want to shake up American politics

with their crackpot ideas.

Let's take a look, shall we?

[♪♪♪]

When I'm President,

all private pools will

become public property.

Why? Well, basically, just so

I can swim in the Gustafson's pool.

[GARGLING, GULP]

- Jean?

Oh! [CHUCKLES]

I thought you were at work.

Uh, well actually, I was fired yesterday

because my job has been

fully automated by robots made in China,

made by other

robots made in China,

and now I don't have health insurance

[SNIFFS] because the robots

wouldn't let us unionize.

Oh Well,

I don't know how to help with that.

Wanna take a swim?

- Get out of our pool.

Right. I'm Jean Gravy,

and I approve this message.

Yeesh. That campaign ad

really took a dive.

Say, Dot, how's Jean Gravy

polling in New Hampshire?

She's gained a stunning one percent.

Oh, I'm sorry.

She's gained a stunning one person.

And

now she's lost him.

Also, this is a gummy bear.

[SQUISH]

Wakko, what does that

mean for the electoral map?

Well, if you look up here,

I have no idea.

And if you look down here,

Alaska's down here now. I did that!

Terrific! What a night!

Now, for our second third-party.

Try to say that five times fast.

You can. It's not that hard.

Now, play that ad!

[♪♪♪]

[TOOT]

Ed Ortiz here.

Put off by dense political rhetoric?

Then, put your trust in a new party.

One that's less concerned

with actual issues,

and more concerned with yelling them.

[BANG]

The Surprise Party.

[DING]

[SCREAMING]

Let's build a Space Force!

[♪♪♪]

More tanks, fewer banks!

[SCREAMING]

Grandma?

Hey!

- Shh

- Hey--

- Shh

- He--

- Shh!

[YAWNING]

[CONTENTED SIGH]

[BED CREAKS]

[GASP]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

[PARTY HORN]

[SCREAM]

All cats are girls! Ah!

[SCREAM]

Coal is clean!

[expl*si*n]

[CAT SCREECH]

Give g*ns to whales!

[ROAR]

The economy!

What a surprise!

It's my campaign manager, Mike Dechico.

BOTH: The Surprise Party!

We might just surprise ya!

Well, Dot, will there be a surprise win

for the Surprise Party in Florida?

I'm in Idaho!

Don't you listen?

I do not. Wakko, how does that

pan out on the big board?

I ate all the states.

I'm a monster!

[BELCH]

Now, that's the kind of biting analysis

people tune into Animaniacs for, folks.

Let's see our final third-party

campaign ad. Roll it!

[MUSIC BLASTING, CHEERING]

[STATIC]

[RUSSIAN ACCENT]

Oh! You give me fright

as I'm set about my

customary American chores.

Hello. I am Adams Johnson.

Good neighbor, nice husband,

born in South Virginia.

Anyway,

I am vote for Johnny Thanksgiving.

RUSSIAN NARRATOR: Johnny Thanksgiving is not drone.

He is man who give utmost

leadership ability to party.

[RUSSIAN ACCENT]

Is me, talkative female American citizen

who love freedom and baseballs.

[PRIMAL SCREAM]

[SMASH, SCREECH]

Strike four! Home run! Listen, buddies.

Johnny Thanksgiving of

Super American America Party

is solid state-of-art man.

[WHIRRING]

RUSSIAN NARRATOR: Vote Johnny Thanksgiving in November.

Even if you think he's drone,

he's going to win anyway.

[KISS, CRYING]

Trust me.

Wait, wait, wait, hold the phone.

That wasn't the right ad. Who approved this?

Well, it wasn't me.

I'm in Hawaii. It's a, um

crucial swing state.

Well, that only leaves one person.

Wakko, was it you?

[RUSSIAN VOICE]

Negative.

Works for me. Looking great, pal!

No problem. Now, autoplay

take you next episode of

American Maniacs!

[GLITCHING]

Hey, pal, are you okay?

[♪♪♪]

[STATIC]

- Uh oh.

Drone is malfunctioning again.

Hey, do you think American people will

really go along with

President who is drone?

Why not?

He's more human than the last guy.

[LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]