02x10 - Cold Open: Exercise Minute/Reichenbrain Falls/Targeted Ads/Starbox and Cindy

[bunniefuu]

theme song playing ♪

- It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

And we're zany to the-- ♪

[beep]

[beeping]

ANNOUNCER:

Not so fast. As part of Warner Brothers'

renewed commitment to

the health of our viewers,

you must perform physical activity

before continuing to the next episode.

♪

- Hi! We're the Warner Brothers!

- And the Warner Sister!

- And I'm a mayfly!

- Exercise is an important

part of a healthy lifestyle!

Everyone can make time for

just 15 minutes of exercise!

- Actually, I don't think

I have that kind of time.

- Nonsense! Let's kick things off

with some simple jumping jacks!

upbeat music playing ♪

- These really target

the parts of your body

that you use to do jumping jacks!

- No, I'm serious.

Mayflies only live a few hours,

and I'm already over the hill. [panting]

- Nah. Not over the hill yet!

We've still got a few seconds

of mountain climbers left!

[bleating]

[grunting]

- I don't know what a mountain climber is.

I don't even know what a mountain is!

- What? Were you born yesterday?

- No, that's what I'm trying to tell you.

I wasn't born yesterday.

I was born today!

My time is very limited,

and I have so much more I wanna do.

- I hear you!

- Let's work on your quads!

[grunting]

- I wanted to have kids. Maybe two,

even 3,000!

- Meh, you're not missing much.

[grunts]

Let's do some pec flies!

- Flies! Finally, something I can do.

[grunts, gasps]

- Look at that!

You're losing weight already!

[wind blowing]

- I've spent my whole life

with these strangers,

here at the gym, away from my family

- [laughs] That's right!

The gym really can be

a home away from home!

- Now, this final exercise

is a real k*ller!

Are you ready?

ALL:

May?

[thunder crashes]

somber music playing ♪

[thunder]

- I didn't realize

she had so many friends.

- She touched a lot of lives.

[beep]

ANNOUNCER: Congratulations!

You've reached your

quota for physical activity.

You may now resume enjoying Animaniacs .

[beep]

- So just sit back and relax ♪

You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

- Come join the Warner Brothers ♪

- And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

Just for fun, we run around

the Warner movie lot ♪

They lock us in the tower

whenever we get caught ♪

But we break loose and then vamoose

and now you know the plot ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

Our careers have made comebacks ♪

We're Animaniacs! ♪

Meet Pinky and the Brain

who want to rule the universe ♪

A brand new cast who tested well

in focus group research ♪

Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

And ethnically diverse ♪

The trolls will say we're so passé,

but we did meta first ♪

We're Animaniacs ♪

You should see our new contracts ♪

We're zany to the max,

there's baloney in our slacks ♪

We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

- Cell membrane-y ♪

- Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

[thunder clapping]

Pinky and the Brain

theme song playing ♪

- Gee, Brain, what do

you wanna do tonight?

- The same thing

we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder clap]

♪

- They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

One is a genius ♪

The other's insane ♪

They're laboratory mice ♪

Their genes have been spliced ♪

They're dinky,

they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

♪

[alarm blaring]

- [sing song]: Brain

Wakey-wakey.

I made a mistakey.

[sighs]

- What? Where?

Ah!

- Whee!

[hissing]

- Ooh

Great Godfrey Hounsfield! What's going on?

[hissing continues]

Where are we?

- Um, ground control to Major Brain.

We're in space! [screams]

[hissing increases]

♪

[click]

- Phew!

The International Space Station?

But, how did we get here?

Please don't tell me Elon's here, too.

- Well, we flew here in a rocket

because you wanted to type a code

into that computer over there.

And you wouldn't tell me the code,

even though I really wanted to know,

and I told you

it was rude to keep secrets!

- Hopefully, I told you

to stuff a sock in it.

- Ha! Yes, you did! Narf!

You also said the code would make

an electro-magenta purse.

Which I thought was a bit strange

because magenta is so last summer.

- Electro-magenta purse?

Oh, you must mean electromagnetic pulse.

Why, one of those could turn off

all the lights on Earth,

leaving humanity defenseless!

♪

[zapping]

[concerned chatter]

[clicking, fizzling]

[horns, crashing]

[people screaming]

[zapping]

[smash]

Finally! After years of failure,

I found the perfect plan!

Nothing stands in our way!

- Ha, that's right, Brain!

We finally did it!

We taked over the world!

- Oh, Pinky. This is the happiest

moment of my life.

Once I press this button,

the world is mine!

- Well, this calls for a celebration!

Have one of these delicious

astronaut ice creams.

I've already had 10.

- Pinky, that's a kitchen sponge.

- Oh. That explains why

I barely had to use the bathroom.

♪

- How bittersweet it is to have

no memory of my greatest triumph.

- Well, I can tell you what happened.

[clears throat]

You and I were undercover at a school.

You see, Brain, when you go undercover,

you turn into something you're not.

Like when vanilla ice cream

is covered with hot fudge,

and becomes chocolate ice cream!

- Pinky, that's not at all--

- Don't interrupt me, babe. Where was I?

Oh, right. As I was saying,

you were disguised as a science teacher,

helping a group of students

build a rocket, and then--

- Careful, Marissa. That's it.

We're in the homestretch now.

It's been weeks of hard work,

but I knew when I assembled you,

the school's best and brightest students

in this after-school STEM program,

that nothing could stop us from completing

this fully-functioning scale model

of the Gemini Titan spacecraft.

MARISSA:

Great speech, Mr. Brain.

My favorite part was all the exposition.

[laughter]

- These little fools have no idea

I've just been using them for free labor.

Soon, I will steal this rocket

and journey into space!

- Have you noticed how often

Mr. Brain mutters under his breath?

And also how tiny he is?

- At least he's better than

the new tiny art teacher.

♪

- Oh no, no, no! Don't waste paste, Mason.

Especially when it's this delicious!

[gulping]

[muffled]

[muffled jabbering]

[muffled struggling]

[laughter]

[muffled]: Ah! Well ha, ha.

[bell ringing]

That's all for today, class.

And remember, I want an essay

on how to taste the difference

between wood glue

and modeling paste by Monday.

And no extensions!

♪

- Oh no! Ah! [grunts]

Come, Pinky.

We must launch in the next few minutes

if we want to make our rendezvous.

PINKY:

Ooh! A secret rendezvous!

Can it be? Is Brain

in love at last?

- With the space station,

you waste of organic molecules.

[grunts]

- Ah! So, that's your type, is it?

Worldly with curves in

all the right places?

[giggles]

- I've designed a computer program to turn

the space station into a giant weapon.

To activate the electromagnetic pulse,

all we must do is install it

in the computer-- [grunts]

and enter my top secret five-digit code.

[Pinky straining]

And no. I won't be telling you the code.

[sighs] Yes, Pinky,

do you have a question?

- Not anymore, no.

Is it 00000?

Or 00001?

- Pinky, enough!

[Pinky grunts]

We must don our suits and travel

where only several hundred

lab mice have gone before.

Space!

♪

[groans]

PINKY: See, Brain?

You remember all that!

Now, just enter that

delicious five-digit code,

and we'll take over the world!

- I don't recall launching the rocket.

- I've got an idea.

How about you just shout out the code,

and I'll type it in here.

Is it 31415?

[beeping]

27182?

[beeping]

24601?

[beeping]

[maniacal giggling]

Boy! Isn't it wacky

how you can have

100,000 possible combinations

with a five-digit code?

It's enough to drive someone,

certainly not me, but someone

up the space wall! Gort!

I mean, zort!

[beeping continues]

- Hm

Pinky, are you pondering

what I'm pondering?

- Yes, definitely, Brain.

When you're the emperor of Earth,

we should make organ

harvesting sustainable!

Ah, but first, I'd-- I'd love to hear

that sweet, sweet code.

- In your dreams, impostor!

[both yelling, grunt]

♪

It's all been a ruse!

We never even left the school!

[crack]

Ah!

[crumbling]

Blech!

[snap]

♪

[zap]

Julia!

[mechanical whirring]

JULIA [in Pinky voice]:

Hello, ex-husband.

[normal voice]:

Remember me?

- Yes, obviously. I just said your name.

What have you done with Pinky?

- Oh, sweet Pinky.

[laughs] Let's just say,

he's rather occupied.

No, no, no! No, wait!

I've got a better one.

Let's just say, he's in

a sticky situation?

[maniacal laughter]

- Oh!

♪

- [spits] Hi, Brain! Julia's back!

- Yes, Pinky. I know.

You took his place.

But, how?

- It was simple.

Once I infiltrated Pinky's art class,

I waited until we were alone.

[mechanical whirring]

[whirring]

I used my aesthetic genius to

build a perfect replica of his head

from papier mâché!

[clock ticking]

The mask took a long time to dry,

but it gave me time to

finish the Saturday crossword.

[struggling]

- Ooh! Ah!

- Bup, bup, bup!

Can you think of

a five-letter word for fool?

I can! Brain!

[whirring]

- [grunts]

Why go through all this trouble?

This entire ordeal has been

incredibly inconvenient for both of us.

- Because I deserve to rule the world,

not you.

[beep]

♪

- Ah!

- [giggles]

You think you're so smart, Brain.

Which is barely a name, by the way.

But I'm far more clever, more hardworking,

and I only sometimes get

into fights on Goodreads.

The only part of Ulysses worth reading

is the last chapter,

and everybody knows it!

[zapping]

Anyway,

where was I? That's right.

Here, in my body,

about to steal your

secret code, fly to space,

activate the electromagnetic pulse,

and take over the world for myself.

- That's quite a narrative

you've assembled, Julia.

Did you attend the Iowa Writers' Workshop?

- Actually, I got in.

But I didn't go because I wanted

real-life experience!

- Right

[Julia screaming]

- Give me the code!

- You'll have to pry it from

my cold, dead paws.

- Don't mind if I fondue.

[beep]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[gurgling]

Say cheese!

Oh, no! Wait, wait, wait!

I've got a better one! [squeal]

Looks like somebody's got

a queso the Mondays!

[maniacal laughter]

[babbling]

[laughing]

BRAIN:

Celebrating a little early, aren't we?

triumphant music playing ♪

JULIA:

How did you escape?

[whirring]

- With my help!

[cranking]

- Whoa! Whoa!

- You see, when you

glued me to the wall,

you forgot one crucial detail.

I love eating paste.

Ooh! [chomping]

First, I started nibbling

it off my left foot.

But then, I found a nice, tasty morsel

under my left--

- Yes!

Yes, we-- we get it, Pinky.

[whirring]

Face it, Julia.

Like cooked bread,

you're toast.

- [sigh] That's not your best.

- How about this?

You're like a wooden table. Finished!

- Ooh! I like that.

Worth the wait, worth the wait.

- Thank you.

romantic sting ♪

- Aw.

♪

[Brain and Julia grunting]

No!

[grunting, struggling]

[yelling]

Stop! Stop it!

[Brain and Julia yelling]

No fighting!

Ah!

[both yell]

[screaming]

[heavy clattering]

[whimpering]

[slurping]

Brain! Brain! Are you okay?

- [woozy]: Thank you, Your Majesty.

Oh my. Is that Yorkshire Gold? I

I'm a Darjeeling man myself, but I'll

I'll get a-- Huh? [gasps]

[muffled whirring]

[blasting]

♪

- I'll be back!

Hasta la vista, baby!

[fizzling]

[expl*si*n]

- Hm. Seems the rocket was faulty.

Those kids can kiss

their extra credit goodbye.

- Egad. I do hope she's okay, Brain.

- Of course you do, Pinky,

because you are pure of heart.

And more generally lack

all higher cognitive function.

[crazy laugh]

- It's true. I am fun!

[laughing]

- Let us return to the lab

and prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we

gonna do tomorrow night?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[grunts]

- You may have won this match,

but I-I have plenty of matches left! Ah!

[hawk screeches]

[laughing]

All the matchbooks that

I take from fancy restaurants!

'Cause I steal them while

the hostess isn't looking!

[screeching]

[screech]

Sure! They're free anyway,

but I like the thrill of the hunt!

[laughing]

♪

♪

- Oh, hello.

It used to be you

never knew exactly

who was watching your commercial.

But modern data mining

has changed all that.

[computers whir]

The commercials you are about to see

have been selected for you

based on your viewing habits,

social media likes, and blood type.

And because these ads are

targeted at you and only you,

I think you'll find it impossible not

to purchase the following products.

Based on your recent search terms

"how to make friends,"

"bald spot normal"

and "funny things to look at,"

the following ad was

tailor-made just for you.

- When I grow up, I wanna be an astronaut.

- When I grow up,

I wanna be a firefighter.

- When I grow up,

I wanna work at the DMV.

BOTH:

Whoa.

ANNOUNCER:

Do you want the real experience

of working at the DMV?

Sign-ups are open for DMV fantasy camp.

Administer tests.

[buzz]

Take people's license photos.

[gasps]

[ding]

Deal with unruly customers.

- You're in the wrong line, sir.

This is for processing.

You want applications.

- I just came from applications.

- Just grab your dad's credit card

and call the number on the screen.

Operators are not standing by

because they are also in line at the DMV.

- Because of your interest in

tiny dancers and harmless dinosaurs,

this next ad is perfect for you.

ANNOUNCER: For eons,

the tarantula has roamed the Earth,

impervious to our commands.

Until now!

[whistle blows]

[whistle blows]

[video game noises play on TV]

[whistling]

- How many legs

do your friends have?

Thanks, Tarantula Whist-- [gag]

ANNOUNCER:

Tarantula Whistle is a registered

trademark of Arachnophilia Industries,

which is a wholly owned

subsidiary of Diet Worms, Inc.,

an International Illuminati Concern

dedicated

to openly declaring that

we are gathering world power.

- Since you searched for

"Aquaman," "Aquaman sequel,"

and "Jason Momoa beach pics,"

we know you'll rush

out to buy this product.

♪

[breathes deeply]

[gags]

- Two times the fishiness,

two times the fun ♪

Two types of tuna in Tuna Fresh gum! ♪

[grunts, chewing]

[gags]

- It tastes like

you ate gas station sushi.

I love it! Let's get married.

- Our honeymoon begins!

[seagulls cawing]

♪

- It's the two types of

tuna in Tuna Fresh gum! ♪

- There you have it, folks.

Now, I don't know what you just saw,

but I'm certain it's exactly

what you always wanted.

[whistle blows]

- Thanks, targeted ads!

♪

- Planet-eating warlords! ♪

Legion of Grimlox ♪

Conquest of Earth lead by ♪

Dire Commander Starbox ♪

When he finds a planet

where beings are rife ♪

We descend and consume

all the sentient life ♪

When he sends the signal ♪

We start the invading ♪

Until then, we're waiting,

we're waiting ♪

We're waiting! ♪

♪

- Um, in the hole in the backyard

[Starbox grunting]

there's like a snake hole.

Tried to get him out of

his hole and catch him.

I'd take care of him,

[Starbox growls]

and just act like he's a pet.

That's what I'd do.

[grumbles]

[grunts]

You're gross.

Bath time!

♪

I was holding a snake.

[growling]

And I felt something weird.

[grunting]

And the snake bit my hand!

If I have a kid,

I'm gonna let her get a mouse.

[Starbox grunts]

Or him. Who knows?

Who knows.

Who knows

All the stuff that goes down the toilet,

when you flush it,

it goes in a whirlpool. Down!

Into a big pipe.

It's very long

[Starbox struggling]

When they try to go back to the ocean

[Starbox laughs]

[Starbox grunts]

it goes through tests,

and the water power plant,

whatever it's called.

If you get dirty, you have to have

soapy time. Time to wash your body!

Doo do doo! ♪

[Starbox grunting]

Neck. Toes.

Head 'cause you don't have hair.

[Starbox groaning]

Bunsies, too. Tee-hee!

All done!

[splash]

Oh, I almost forgot.

[gasping]

A toilet is gross ♪

But if you keep it clean ♪

Ea-ea-ean ♪

It'll be perfect ♪

Only if you clean it every

week-eek-eek ♪

But, we're not gonna

sing about that right now

'cause it's time for the tidal wave.

[struggling]

[splash]

[yelling]

[gurgling]

♪

Oh no! There's a storm coming!

[gasping]

The lightning strikes everywhere.

I almost fell overboard!

[screaming, grunts]

[indistinct singing]

♪

[laughs, grunts]

[singing continues]

[grunting]

[struggling]

[grunting]

♪

[whirring]

[growls]

What's down there? Hey, I got it!

[ship beeping]

One time, I was playing Zombie Apocalypse,

[Starbox yelling]

and like, Jaden

was, like, sneak-attacking on me.

[gasps, panting]

I was running so fast and crazy that

[groans]

I tripped on my feet and I fell,

[Starbox babbling]

and he bit my leg a bunch of times.

[Starbox wailing]

Bye-bye. Have fun in the ocean. Huh?

[toilet flushes]

[wailing]

Oh no!

[struggling, muffled yell]

[groans]

♪

I got you!

You're gross again.

[Starbox grumbles]

But I still love you.

[growls]

Bath time!

Everybody's gonna see you clean ♪

Everybody loves you

when you are clean! ♪

[Starbox groaning, struggling]

They don't like it when you're dirty. Ha!

Ba-ba-bath day ♪

Ba-ba-bath day! ♪

[indistinct singing]

[growling, yelling]

ALIEN CHORUS:

We're waiting, we're waiting! ♪

♪