02x04 - Love Is a b*ttlefield

[bunniefuu]

Mmm.

Mmm.

You know what, Hugo?

I'm always going on about myself.

Tell me about your life.

So,

you have a girlfriend back home or what?

Well, there is this girl, Natalia.

She's not my girlfriend.

We're just lab partners.

- But one day…

- Yeah.

…she asked to borrow a pen

when she already had a pen.

Mm-hmm.

- Or was it a mechanical pencil?

- Wow. Amazing story. I love it.

So, it was Valentine's Day in 1985.

Uh, no, wait. My story wasn't over.

Yes, it was.

It was Valentine's Day, 1985.

And at Las Colinas,

we were all excited.

A cheap, corporate-created

U.S. import that's invading our country

and making it more generic every year?

No thanks.

Valentine's Day is the fast-food

chain of holidays.

Okay, not all of us were excited.

That's exactly the same face

Máximo made when I told him

I didn't want anything cheesy today.

- He's so cute.

- Aw.

And you two have been dating,

what, nine days now?

Yes?

It's weird that you know that and I don't.

Who keeps track of a relationship

like that?

Nine days.

I love keeping track

of our relationship like that.

Congrats, "hermigo."

You two got any big plans tonight?

She's not really into Valentine's Day.

- Oh.

- But it makes it easy for me, right?

The pressure's off.

Yeah, sure.

How about you?

Is Chad doing anything special?

Nah, he's not really that kind of guy.

We're just staying in tonight.

It'll be nice.

Hey, hey.

- Hi.

- We were all happy.

Even if Julia and I

were still uncomfortable.

But Valentine's Day

would bring all of that to the surface.

And more.

Before the day was over,

some relationships would grow closer…

…one would break apart

in order to come back stronger,

and one would end forever.

Really? Do you always have to

make things a mystery?

I don't know. Do I?

Just tell the story.

You see, Valentine's Day can put

a lot of pressure on relationships.

Including secret ones.

Well, that was fun.

It was mind-blowing,

and your hair didn't even move.

After months of hookups,

something had changed

in Diane and Héctor's relationship.

For one of them,

it was still a meaningless fling.

But for the other one…

…it had become something much, much more.

The grounds crew is already out.

Take the back way so no one sees you.

By the way,

happy Valentine's Day.

Ooh. Ew, gross.

- For a minute, I thought you were serious.

- Of course not.

So gross.

- Back way.

- Oh, yes.

Meanwhile,

it was Lorena's last day in Acapulco

before going back to Mexicali.

Ever since she and Memo started dating,

they found it impossible

to get any time alone.

No hands!

Still,

Memo was determined to convince Lupe

to let them spend

their last evening alone together.

Lupe.

I come here today to profess my love.

- What?

- Not for you! For Lorena.

Your niece…

…my great, true love is leaving tomorrow.

Which is why I insist that you

allow us to go on one date,

on this special day of love.

I will not take no for an answer.

- No.

- Okay.

As for me,

I was still looking for a way

to prove myself to Diane.

So I decided to go further than

just her usual newspaper.

Here's your coffee and your newspaper.

- And a Danish.

- Oh.

And a small plant

to brighten up your office.

And a pack of mints.

And a muffin,

in case you don't like the Danish.

Thank you for all these loose objects.

Actually,

I have an important assignment for you.

For months, we've been offering

a deluxe Valentine's Day package

in our presidential suite,

but no one's booked it.

Until this morning.

And what's in

the deluxe Valentine's Day package?

Oh, that's the fun part. I have no idea.

But for what Mr. and Mrs. Teller paid,

it better be good.

Do you want me to come up with something?

I love Valentine's Day.

I love love. I love packages.

Wonderful.

I know it's a big job, but don't worry.

You won't be alone on this.

All right, you two.

Fill this suite up with romance.

I'll take this room!

I'll take some other room!

Meanwhile, Sara

was still dealing with her own heartbreak.

She blamed your abuela

for her breakup with Roberta.

But, of course, she couldn't say that,

so her anger came out in weird ways.

That's really loud.

Mmm. I can turn the TV down.

I mean your chewing. It's so loud.

- I'm eating a banana. I'm hardly chewing.

- Uh-huh.

And yet it still sounds like

you have a mouth full of screws.

Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.

No. I can't hear anything. And look

how close my ears are to my mouth.

Oh God, it feels so good to have a hook.

Oh, Esteban! Come talk to us. Please!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Now get out.

Get out?

If that's okay.

I want to cook a surprise dinner for you.

I'm making pulpo enamorado.

Dammit, that was supposed

to be a surprise.

Yes, mama…

Get out.

Fine.

But you need to come with me.

I need your help

I didn't get him anything!

Yes, both of you go

I don't want you to see

the heart-shaped flan I'm making.

Again?

We're going.

Flowers. Balloons.

Champagne. Rose petals.

This sucks, doesn't it.

It's total trash.

What do we do?

Chocolate covered strawberries!

Um, Don Pablo taught me how to

make a swan out of a napkin.

I could turn two towels into

kissing swans on the bed.

Oh, sure. I can picture

Mr. and Mrs. Teller now…

Holy moly, Susan.

The swans are made out of towels.

I told you it was gonna be

worth all our money.

Oh,

I'm sorry it's not as brilliant as…

… "Chocolate covered strawberries!"

Why is it so weird between us?

We can't even be in

the same room together.

I know, it is weird.

I miss being friends.

What happened?

What happened was the balcony…

Héctor, the ladies' man.

I see you checking out that babe.

- Nah.

- So, any plans for the big V-day?

I mean,

you must be juggling so many chicks.

There's only one chick

I care about juggling.

Whoa, it sounds like

somebody tamed the beast.

Well, tell me about this babe.

Come on, man. Spill it.

What's she like physically, you know?

Is she my type?

In a way, yes.

You have a lot in common.

Oh, come on, no. I want details, okay?

Is she older, is she younger?

She's, uh… older.

Yes, I knew it. She's a hot mama.

Mama, mama, mama.

Please don't say "mama."

- MY LITTLE MAMA IS HOT!!!

- Okay.

Hey, you better be careful.

I might make a move on her.

I really hope not.

Chad and the mamacita hooking up.

Just picture that.

- I'm trying not to.

- Hey, you know what?

If things cool off with Julia,

- does she have a sister?

- No.

Just a son.

Oh, gosh.

Papacito, you're gonna be a daddy.

- No.

- Yes.

Doesn't matter anyway, okay?

- She seems to be cooling on me now.

- Wait, on Valentine's Day?

Yes, I know.

I even got her a giant stuffed animal,

and now I

A giant stuffed animal?

Dude, you're dating a real woman, okay?

A mother.

You can't If somebody got my mother

a giant stuffed animal,

I would

I would laugh in their face, okay?

You need to go big if you like her.

Put it all on the line.

Take a chance.

Get her something nice like "hoo-lery."

You know?

'Cause the "J" is silent with you guys?

Oh!

Pleasure doing business.

Okay. Do you want to…

talk about the balcony?

Yes! No. I mean…

You said what happened

there was a mistake…

…and I agree.

Right. It was stupid.

So stupid. It was nothing.

Less than nothing!

It didn't mean anything.

But it still happened!

And it's driving me crazy.

And if I don't say what's been

on my mind then

I'm going to explode, but I can't

because I can't tell anyone.

You can tell me.

No. I can't.

I'm embarrassed.

Here, put this over your eyes.

This is a weird time for a piñata.

No. If we don't have to

look at each other,

it'll be easier to say

what's on your mind.

Here, I'll show you.

I'm the one who ate

Lupe's yogurt last week.

I feel so much better now!

Okay…my turn…

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.

Here I go.

I've just been carrying this huge weight

on my shoulders after that…

…kiss.

And I feel like I should tell Chad,

but that could end our relationship;

and I feel I should tell Isabel,

but that could end your relationship;

and I want to talk to you about it,

but it's made things so weird between us.

I just feel like I'm disappointing

everyone no matter what I do.

I'm so overwhelmed.

It never happened.

What do you mean?

If it never happened, then you have

nothing to hide from Chad or Isabel.

If it never happened, then

you don't have to feel overwhelmed.

If it never happened, then…

…we can be friends again.

We're the only two people who were there.

It's our story to tell.

So all we have to do is say it didn't

happen, and…

…it never happened.

It never happened.

- It never happened.

- Mmm.

Hmm.

Paris.

What?

The lights remind me of all

the lights in Paris…

I think we still have some props

left from that Model U.N. we hosted.

Right. The kitchen could make

coq au vin and croissants…

Chad's got an antique record player

that could look cool here…

Let's get started.

You have more luck with Lupe

than I did?

No. She still insists on watching us

anytime we're together.

Even now.

Looks like this will be

our Valentine's Day.

Well,

we'll have to make it last.

Ah, to be young and in love.

You know who those two remind me of?

You and that one with the skinny

little legs, who worked in the gardens?

- Mauricio.

- Mmm.

May he rest in peace.

Those skinny little legs didn't

help him out-swim that shark.

You used to look at each other

the same way…

- This must really take you back.

- Hmm.

I know you don't like to talk to your

mother about some things, but

I want you to know that I'm here for you.

Thanks. Let's just focus

on getting Esteban's gift.

Do you think he'd like this?

Yeah, it's perfect.

Hello, my name is

Esteban and I'm a REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE!

While staying under the speed limit.

And is there a seat belt on this thing?

Oh, come on, Sara. No.

It's more like this…

…pay attention.

Here goes…

I'm Esteban, the king of rock and roll!

But, if it's too loud, I can turn it down.

Is that good?

You know what, I'll just turn it off.

Diane, as we agreed,

I'm letting you know early

about any personal time.

Next weekend,

I'll be visiting my son and grandson.

Ugh, I wish I could say yes,

but we have so much work to do

for that Hollywood party next month.

In fact, we have to start talking

about invitations, catering

Let's put a pin in this conversation,

shall we?

Okay.

Is this a joke?

If loving you is a joke,

then I am the world's biggest clown.

Diane, I have been with hundreds

No, dozens of women.

But none compare to you,

Diane Davies, mi amor.

Okay, I think there's been

a misunderstanding here.

I will never leave you.

I will always be here.

What? No. What is that?

You agreed,

this was supposed to be casual.

But, mi amor

Please stop calling me that.

Oh.

In fact, you know what?

You ruined it.

I'm sorry, Héctor, it's over.

Wait.

Over?

Okay, fine.

We don't have to love each other.

Just meaningless sex. Three times a week.

And an occasional candlelit dinner,

we share our intimate secrets.

Oh, God, no.

Okay, fine. No dinner. Just sex.

And light conversation.

We talk about what we're watching on TV.

Héctor, you need to go.

And if anyone finds out about us,

you're fired.

Okay.

I'm going.

Uh, final offer.

I won't say a word, just sex.

You say when.

I'm just a prop. Take it or leave it.

- Get out!

- I said I'm going.

There he is!

Whoa, looking slick.

- How'd it go?

- Not so good, Chad.

- Oh.

- Not so good.

No.

Here. You can give this to Julia.

Yeah, thanks, man,

but this really isn't her style.

Hey, Héctor.

Whoever turned you down,

her son's missing out on a great dad.

Now this is starting to feel like Paris.

Have you ever been?

No, but I'm definitely going to

live there someday.

Maybe show my clothes at Fashion Week.

Great.

I'll visit you there in my private jet.

It's a date.

Great…I love them.

Hands up! It's the cool police!

Don't worry, it's not a real g*n.

Although once I did get robbed by a

man who just pointed his fingers at me.

But that's because it was very dark.

I need to get a picture of you.

Where's the camera?

I think it's on my dresser.

Don't you dare take that off!

The food smells great!

Well, pulpo enamorado is a special recipe

that's been in our family for generations.

It was carefully passed down from

my great-grandmother to my grandmother,

and then from my grandmother to my mother,

and then from my mother to me.

Every measurement must be precise.

Every ingredient just so.

It's extremely complicated

so I made chicken.

That story is very…

Mom, what's taking so long?

The camera's right on the

Memo, this is terrible.

I begged Tía Lupe one more time

to let us go on a date,

but then she said I have to work. Tonight.

So now the only way

for us to spend time together

- is if you help me in the laundry room.

- The laundry room?

So we're supposed to spend

Valentine's Day folding fitted sheets?!

You're so angry!

I love it.

And towels?! And pillow cases?!

Keep naming linens! It's so sexy.

And tablecloths?! And napkins?!

This is our last night together!

This. Will. Not. Stand.

"Enjoy your evening together - Lupe"

So this whole time,

it wasn't Roberta and Máximo,

it was… Roberta and you.

Sara, how could you do this?

- It's a sin!

- But we

What if people find out?

What would they say?

I don't know

Cool police!

You're under arrest for failure

to report to dinner…

I can put some foil over it

so it doesn't get cold.

And what about your future?

How do you think you'll make a family?

There's nothing more important than that.

My life would be nothing

without my children.

I don't know. I just

I'm not sure I want a husband.

How would you know? You've never

even tried to be with a boy!

I've never felt like trying.

I can't believe it!

What would your father say?

So sorry

Where do you keep your foil?

I'll find it.

We did it.

How do you say "great work" in French?

Oh, it's.

Well, to you too.

I'm glad we're friends again.

Me too.

They'll be here soon.

Should we do a final walk through?

Mrs. Teller, my dear,

may I show you around

our glorious Parisian suite?

Oh, why,

Mr. Teller, this is absolutely divine.

Ooh, expensive champagne. Ooh-la-la.

Oh, don't worry.

It was only a million dollars.

They were out of

the two-million-dollar champagne.

Ooh.

Whoa!

This is awesome.

Wait, did you do all this?

Yeah, but we should get going.

The Tellers should be here in any minute.

No, sweetie.

We are the Tellers.

I booked this suite under a fake name

to surprise you.

Told you we were staying in,

but I didn't say where.

Oh, my God. You're amazing.

I can't believe you had to prepare

your own suite.

Well, my friends, have a wonderful night.

Thanks, Máximo. You too.

Oh, my God.

Hey, I have a record player

just like that one.

It's going to be okay.

Here's what we'll do.

We'll pretend this never happened,

we'll never speak about Roberta again,

and you'll grow out of this phase.

Phase? Mom

You're a teenager. You're confused.

We'll forget this and move on.

Mom, listen to me! That's not

I can't do that.

I don't want to do that.

It's a sin.

I can't have

someone living in my home who…

continues to behave that way.

Well, I'm not going to live in a place

where I have to lie about who I am!

Sara…

I can't accept that part of you.

Mom. I meant what I said.

It's not right.

I'm sorry.

I can't tell you that it's okay.

I'm sorry.

I hate you!

And then, Hugo,

your mother and abuela

said some things to each other

that I'll never repeat to you.

It would take a long time for them

to get over what happened that day.

Of course, at the time,

I had other things on my mind.

Máximo.

I know our plans

aren't until tomorrow night,

but I wanted to drop by

and give you these.

Chocolates. How…

…cheesy.

Not just any chocolate.

I stole each one of these chocolates

off pillows in guest rooms at Las Colinas.

Just for you.

They're perfect!

Uh, Joe…

…that extra stop

you put on the itinerary?

Wait, hold on a second.

The one you told me

that you definitely did not want to go to,

and was angry at me for even suggesting?

Yeah. That one.

Do you mind looking into it after all?

That's a wonderful idea, boss.

I'd be happy to take care of that for you.

So, it's Isabel you're going to see.

I don't know.

Is it?

Imagine what it's like

working for the guy.

- I don't know how you do it.

- It's t*rture.

But, as I said,

that Valentine's Day

changed us all in different ways.

Some relationships grew closer.

One relationship ended forever.

And even though

one day things would change,

and despite neither one wanting it,

one relationship was shattered.