03x13 - Cool Hand Colt

[bunniefuu]

Well, I'm not the kind to kiss and tell.

But I've been seen with Farrah.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field.

Gone fast with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall building.

I might roll a brand new car.

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made
Redfoot such a star.

I've never spent much time in school.

But I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true I hire my body out to pay.

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Teague's
blown up for Rocky Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay.

I might jump an open drawbridge or Tarzan
from a vine.

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes
Eastwood look so fine.

Hey, check it out.

Congressman, it'll be beautiful when we
finish.

We'll turn this place into a garden of
Eden.

Yes, Congressman, everything is in motion.

The work gangs are going full speed ahead.

By the time they're finished, we'll have
all our plans approved with your help.

No, sir.

That's no problem.

The people here are believers.

They won't know what hit them.

Yes, sir.

Bye.

Dupree, I need a little more time.

Junior is too good at snooping into my
business.

But what can we do?

He's in Los Angeles to testify.

Find an excuse to get rid of him.

And fast.

Yeah, good, good.

Yep, that oil should slow down the air
conditioning.

Real fast.

Well, that should handle your frame.

Hey, you go tell the police to come and
get the wild man.

Hey, Dupree, you here?

Hey, Dupree?

Hold it, mister.

Oh, it's a mistake.

Junior, I told you not to do it.

Dupree.

He's got a g*n.

Get out of my way.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move.

Move.

That's why you wanted to meet me behind
the police station.

Copy.

You a friend of Godzilla's?

Peter Dupree, deputy sheriff, Clarksburg,
Louisiana.

A witness.

Guy's a pushover.

Look at that face.

It's almost primitive in its innocence.

Defies age.

It's childlike.

Guy's a baby.

Yeah, that's what they said about baby
-faced Nelson.

What's he wanted for?

Ah, destroying private property.

He's some kind of environmental nut.

What exactly did he do?

He poured oil down the air conditioning
system at the Metropolitan Police Station.

When they tried to pick him up,
he resisted arrest.

Go directly to jail?

Wouldn't you rather go directly to
Louisiana?

Louisiana?

Yeah, that's where he is.

Mm.

Oh, Creole cooking.

Bayous, grits.

Mm, gumbo.

Money, which you're out of.

You just pushed the right button.

When do we leave, Colt?

What do you mean, we?

You have to stay and coordinate the rest
of the stunts on the film.

By the way, get Harry Drew to do that
fall.

Harry Drew's a man.

Oh, you noticed.

The stunt calls for a woman to make that
fall.

Yeah, well, you can wear a wig.

I don't need a wig.

Jodi, it's a high fall.

Yeah, and that's a low insinuation that
I'm not woman enough to double for a wig.

You got a point.

I've got a lot of them.

Community chess.

All right, Karate Girl, scene 26,
take three.

Jodi, action!

Could

I have your attention, please,
for one minute?

Thank you.

I just wanted to thank you all for coming
out here.

And celebrating...

my victory.

Our... our victory.

And I have a bonus for you good people.

I am donating a library to the town of
Clarksburg.

Now, now, now... Now, you all enjoy the
free food and drink with my appreciation.

You sure got them eating out of your hand.

From the phone now and then, they'll sit
up and beg for more.

Uh-huh.

Rick, there's Junior Gallatin.

Well, I'll be.

Dupree!

You miserable excuse for gator bait.

Now, Junior, now you hold it right there.

Jim, you hold it right there.

Get away from me.

I'm gonna... Junior?

I'm a peace officer.

You framed me.

Nobody wanted to hear my testimony after
that.

What is wrong with you?

Him!

That deputy of yours framed me in Los
Angeles.

He stopped me from testifying before a
congressional environmental committee.

Now, I don't know what he's up to or who's
behind him.

Those are serious charges, Junior.

But you don't have to worry about it any
longer.

I'll take care of it.

Junior!

Hold on.

I said I'll take care of it.

Ain't my word good enough for you?

All right.

Now, y'all, you just go on.

Keep going.

I'll talk to you later.

Go on.

Whew!

I'd say we're about five miles from
Clarksburg, Cole.

This is the forest primeval.

The murmuring pines and the hemlocks.

Bearded with moss and in garments green.

Indistinct in the twilight.

This is where it all took place.

What took place?

Longfellow's Evangeline.

Can't you just sense the history in the
air?

I thought it was the humidity.

It's hot.

I can't stop thinking about it.

What about Wordsworth?

That's Longfellow.

No, about what kind of
social forces could have

turned somebody like
Junior Gallatin into a criminal.

No one said he was a criminal.

Well, he's arrested and he jumped bail.

That's criminal.

Well, they're desperate.

We're only bringing him in.

We're not trying him.

I guess you're right, Colt.

You have a cousin.

You're quite a guy.

Tell that to Devin.

Who's that?

That make-up man's daughter I'm trying to
date.

That's our innocent child-like pushover.

Doesn't look much like his picture,
does he?

Why would anyone want to wrestle an
alligator?

Well, it's part of the culture.

A ritual, like climbing a mountain or
baseball.

Baseballs don't bite.

Well, that's the point.

It's the inherent danger in the sport.

It's life or death.

Ah, that's it.

Do what?

Why, there's more baseball players than
there are alligator wrestlers.

You better get him while he's happy.

I guess I better help you, huh?

Don't worry.

I'll cuff him first.

Yeah, that's right.

What can I do for you?

Colt Seavers, you're under arrest.

I got a warrant for bail jumping.

You're not taking me anywhere on that
phony charge.

Now, Junior, be reasonable before one of
us gets hurt.

Mainly me.

Who's Junior fighting?

My partner.

Hold on, hey.

Watch your hold on his chest.

Look at him.

You sure are a fine looking man.

Yeah, thanks.

You think I'm pretty too?

Yeah.

You like my figure some?

Yeah.

I got me a new hairdo.

Why, you sweet-talking little old devil,
you.

Hold it right there.

I'm glad you're here, Sheriff.

I'm from Los Angeles.

I got identification right here.

Don't make any difference.

This man, I got a warrant for his arrest.

I'm sure you do.

Now you've done it, Junior.

Take him to the prison camp.

You too.

Huh?

Hey, wait a minute!

I wouldn't interfere if I were you.

Sheriff Dixon's a mighty powerful man.

You might just end up on the chain g*ng
with your friend.

Are you kidding?

That's my partner, my best friend,
my cousin.

And Junior's my brother.

.

.

.

.

You're gonna hit for trouble, boy.

.

Shake it up.

.

All right, come on, let's go.

.

I ought to lay this chain across your
head, Steven.

We wouldn't even be here if you'd have
come along peacefully.

And don't worry, you'll get a chance when
we get out of here.

If you get out, you mean.

What do you mean, if?

It's gonna take us to see a judge.

So what?

The judge will do what Dixon tells him.

You're crazy!

Dixon's done a lot of good for Clarksburg.

Hear him out, Junior, hear him out.

I've been here six months on a speeding
rap.

No one even knows I'm here.

See, damn same thing.

What's the point?

Free labor.

Good old sl*very.

And Dixon is the master.

Aw, come on.

Who arrested you?

Who do you think all those guards work
for?

Dixon.

I should have known.

Who else had the power?

All right, Bradley, come on.

Let's go.

Uh,

give me Sievers and Junior's arrest
reports.

First, we burn the evidence that shows
they were ever arrested.

And in the morning, we'll do the same
thing to them.

But there were witnesses, sure.

Of course there were.

And I have a signed warrant that shows that
I turned Junior over to the bounty hunter.

Last we saw, they were on their way to
California.

It's not our problem if they never make
it.

Chisholm will handle it.

Bradley, we all got choices to make in
life.

And one of my choices
is to extend your sentence

six months for refusing
one of my orders.

What order?

The one I'm about to give you,
boy.

You know, you're in a tough spot here.

No relatives or friends wondering where
you are or what happened to you.

My God, boy, you could spend your whole life
here and nobody would ever know or care.

Now, this here is your parole.

Who's it for?

Junior and Colt Seavers.

They've gone back to Los Angeles.

Colt would never leave without me.

Dixon showed me the warrant.

All signed and everything.

He says he turned Junior over to your
friend.

That Dixon's a liar.

Should've gone after him right away.

Well, if Junior and Colt are in prison...

Howie, believe me, there is absolutely
nothing you can do in the swamp at night.

Except maybe be alligator bait.

We'll have a look in the morning,
all right?

Howie, you've got to put things in their
proper order.

Don't worry about what you can't do.

Just think about what you can do.

So, um... You really
do think I'm pretty, huh?

Yes, Evangeline.

And my figure is pleasing to you?

Come on, I'm not in the mood for sweet
talking, okay?

Well, why not?

Why not?

What kind of a woman are you?

Your brother and my cousin are in some
prison camp and you want to get romantic.

You'd never make a good Cajun,
Howie.

You've got to learn that this moment,
right now, is all we've really got.

Wasting your time worrying about tomorrow
only loses what we have today.

Howie, trust me.

By morning, one of our people will find
out where they are.

Not me, Junior, him!

Come on!

I'm not a m*rder*r.

She doesn't make me do it.

I'll strangle him.

Control yourself, Junior.

Now, we've talked about what we do.

He's a weasel!

He may be a weasel, but he's also got a
g*n.

Now, my friend's working out there to get
us out of here.

Now, trust me, just play it nice and cool.

Right.

Nice and cool now, Junior.

Seeing ghosts, Chisholm?

Junior, that ain't cool.

I don't give a damn.

He's a stinking k*ller.

Don't get smart with me, boy.

You, Junior!

You ain't helping!

Nobody!

Nobody!

Looks like you boys need a little lesson
in humility.

Throw him in the sweat box.

Now, wait a minute.

Boy, that's playing it nice and cool,
all right.

Put him in the boxes in front of the swamp
runoff.

Now!

Air conditioning working nice in there?

What were you doing in L.A.

in the first place?

Gonna testify against the Clarksburg
Parish Corporation.

They want a drain to buy you and turn it
into some huge resort.

All animal and human life here would have
to go.

This is public land.

The only way they can develop it is
through bribery and graft.

The corporation framed
you, figuring anyone

they accused of a crime
would lose credibility?

Yep.

And now I know the corporation is Theo
Dixon.

Seems like an awful lot of power for a
parish sheriff.

Well, rumor was that the
corporation was tied into

some Louisiana congressman
who was backed by big money.

There they are.

Well, how do you know they're in the sweat
boxes?

That's where Jason said they were.

Who's he?

A guard that kinda likes me.

Yeah, wait here.

It's me, Howie.

Howie, did you get arrested?

No, no, they don't know I'm here.

Junior's sister brought me in.

Where is she?

She's waiting for me out in the woods.

Well, tell her to get me out of here.

Howie, we're in a snake pit.

Get the state police.

That's no good, Colt.

Dixon has too much clout.

He'd know about it before they got here.

We'll have to do something about it
ourselves.

Howie, this whole setup is a real estate
scam.

Now first call Terry.

Tell her to check out all the building
permits in this area.

Who's behind it and where the money came
from.

Right.

Then get Jody out here on the double.

We're gonna work the Luke escape.

The what?

It's a picture we did.

Now get going, kid, before they spot you.

But are you gonna be alright?

Think of it this way, kid.

Women spend fortunes in health spas trying
to lose weight this way.

Now get out of here.

Oh, that's right, Sheriff.

I can hardly wait to see it.

Me either, Miss Appleton.

Uh, tell me, where are you calling from?

Oh, from my car.

Uh-huh.

Just a minute, Sheriff, my other lingerie.

How far are we from Clarksburg?

Three miles.

We're real close, Sheriff.

I can hardly wait.

Isn't that nice?

I wonder how she found out about my little
project.

Jody, I hate to admit it, but you look
sensational.

Oh, thanks.

You know, I hate to admit it, but if I
don't get all this stuff back to the

studio intact on Monday, it's gonna be
my...

my life.

Oh, I get it.

Charlie in wardrobe.

Mm-hmm.

Bert in props.

And Bill in transportation.

What'd you have to promise those guys?

Nothing.

They just took a lot for granted.

Yeah, if they ever decide
to call in their markers

at the same time, you're
gonna be a busy little girl.

Hey, Colt.

Is there water inside your box?

Uh-huh.

Hey, Colt.

There's water moccasins out there.

One bite and we've had it.

Not so loud.

Maybe they'll ignore us.

We'll only drown.

It's not often that someone with your sets
comes to Clarksburg, Miss Appleton.

Oh, well, I hope to put them to good use,
Sheriff.

My pleasure.

Uh, let me ask you.

How did you get wind of our resort plans?

Oh, well, I give a lot of parties in
Washington.

And they provide me with opportunities to
hear what's going on.

And what is going on?

Let's not beat around the bush,
Sheriff.

I know all about your little resort.

I want in on the ground floor.

And if I come in, a lot
of my friends are going to

be very interested in the
investment opportunities.

You are a very bright lady.

Oh, well, my daddy always said,
invest in a man's greed or his thirst.

And if you find both in one man,
you've found a bonanza.

So tell me, Sheriff, are you my bonanza?

I could be, Miss Appleton.

I believe you'll like our project.

Well, before I spend a penny, I want to
see the property.

Has that little problem been eliminated?

It's about to be.

They're in the boxes.

If the water don't get them, the snakes
will.

Get them out of there and back to work.

I don't want my investor hearing anything.

And hurry.

Uh, you are in for a treat.

Looks kind of depressing to me.

All it takes is a little imagination.

Now, uh, for instance, think of this as a
golf course right here.

And a big hotel right here.

We got company, boys.

One word out of you.

And they're going to be witnesses to your
getting shot trying to escape.

Stay close.

These men are vicious.

Oh, will I feel safe with you by my side.

Ready to escape?

We haven't any g*ns.

Don't worry about it.

You won't want to hurt a beautiful
investor.

Like I said, just use your imagination
now.

Over here...

Miss Appleton, I wouldn't go too close
to...

Come out, Junior!

One more step, Sheriff, and I'll break her
neck!

You hit the lady!

There's no lady.

She's a stuntwoman.

Now back off!

Back off!

I can feel her neck starting to go,
Sheriff.

Come on, Junior.

Did I hurt you?

What am I, pride?

What do you mean I'm no lady?

Drive!

Do what he says before he chokes me!

.

.

.

.

Hold your fire!

She's in that limo!

Here you go, Colt.

You mean you're really not hurt?

Ah, nah.

Watch.

Hey, Colt.

Hit me.

See?

Boy, you're tough.

Hollywood girls are like that.

You guys are kind of tough yourselves.

You should have been in that sweat box.

Debris, I want every boat and every deputy
and his bloodhound ready to go.

And call Carter at the State Revenue Office
and tell him to bring in a helicopter.

Where's Evangeline?

She's waiting for you at the fishing
shack.

That's clear across the bayou.

She left the boat at the crossroads.

That's good.

We're gonna nail Dixon before we leave.

Jody, you gotta get him back to his
office.

All right.

Howie, you have to find his resort records
while she keeps him busy.

Here we are.

Okay, Jody, look ravaged.

Colt!

Come on, a studio wardrobe.

Howie, play dead.

Come on, Junior, let's go.

These stunt people are weird.

Only when we work.

There's the boat.

Let's go.

Oh, Theo.

I knew you'd come to save me.

Miss Heaven.

Here.

Take care of you right now.

Chopper to Dixon.

We got him spotted.

You got your moonshiner in sight.

I don't like running.

You got a better alternative?

Yeah.

I said we stand our ground and level
Dixon.

Mr. T would love you.

Here they come.

I ain't running.

Are you crazy?

Hear that?

This is Clem, boat number one.

I'm on him.

sh**t.

Permission?

Hell, you got my blessing.

Now get after him, you tangle-foot
incompetence.

The man who brings me Severs and Junior
gets a promotion and a bonus.

He's in a heavy swamp.

I'm looking, but I can't find him.

Well, keep looking.

Gently now, gently.

She has been manhandled enough for one
day.

Here you are, Miss Appleton.

You can sit right down here.

Now, take it easy.

You have nothing to fear anymore.

Oh, Theo, you are so kind.

Don't you have something better to do?

Miss Appleton, is there anything I can get
you?

Well, a champagne would be nice.

A champagne would be nice.

How did I get knocked out?

I'll explain it later.

Just push and get us out of here.

I want to know.

Now tell me, why did you punch out my
lights?

That seemed to be the best way to
communicate at the time.

You made me look like a jackass.

You don't need my help for that.

Now, where is that?

Nobody beats up Junior Gels.

You seem to be doing a pretty fair job of
that yourself.

Now, where is that fishing shack?

Down the old Cajun trail.

No debris in those deputies chasing us.

They'll know where we've headed.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

We better not head there.

Nope, wrong.

Oh, there's too many of them.

I'm sure they've heard of guerrilla
warfare.

What about your friends?

Well, they'll put on
their own little show,

and then we'll join
them for the big finale.

Stunt people.

Oh, Theo, you are so gallant.

I feel we have a spiritual link.

Uh, talking about love and linkage, I would
dearly love to firm up our affiliation.

Oh, I bet you would.

Uh, begging your pardon, ma'am,
but shouldn't we be on our way?

Always interrupting at the wrong moment.

Uh, do you have to go?

Oh, yes, I do.

But I'll be back to see you.

Oh, you know, I feel a sudden chill.

Be a darling.

Give me a jacket, please.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Oh, Theo, look out!

Darling, that... Oh, stop!

Miss Hamilton?

Evangeline Jonathan!

Evangeline Jonathan!

Is that you?

I'll get you!

Oh, Mama Sharameo, I was so worried about
you.

That's very sweet of you, but I was never
in any danger.

Did you hear that?

He thinks I'm sweet.

I declare the man just never stops giving
me compliments.

I do love it.

Hey, boy!

You stop messing with my sister!

I'm not the messer, I'm the messy!

Junior!

That's right, you leave him alone.

So what's the plan, Colt?

Well, we did everything but paint arrows
on the road.

Everything's working right.

We should be surrounded in a little while.

Should work just like the Houston picture.

Where everybody died at the end?

We died?

We died?

You died.

You died.

Where are they?

Junior and Seavers got past us.

But the hounds picked up their scent to
here.

We got them, Sheriff.

Where?

They took off down the trail.

So?

It's flooded to the end.

They're trapped and don't know it.

None of them come out but Miss Appleton.

Do I make myself clear?

All right, let's go.

Come on.

Come on, dogs.

Colt!

You better rewrite that script of yours
again.

What's wrong?

The trail's flooded.

Is there another way out?

How good are you in quicksand?

Oh, what can we do, Colt?

Well, we can change our plan.

But I like the other plan.

Yeah, well, flexibility's a sign of a
mature man.

The last time I looked, I could hardly be
mistaken for a man.

And I still like the old plan.

That's it.

Don't worry.

Wait till you hear the new one.

Thanks for the vote of confidence,
Kit.

Well, what is the new plan?

You'll be the first to know.

Come here, dogs.

Here we go.

Come on, dogs.

That's it.

Okay, boys.

Now stay close and alert.

They're along here someplace.

Merle!

Merle, you take the left side.

Harlan, you cover the right.

Hold behind us so they can't come around
and sneak up back.

And take off them glasses.

You can't see doodly as it is.

And look sharp.

Junior Gallatin knows these woods.

It'll be on you before you know it if you
ain't careful.

All right, boys.

Now pay attention to me.

When we bushwhack them, I want to make it
quick and clean.

So watch where you're aiming, Harlan.

You have a tendency to sh**t up the
countryside.

You hear me, Harlan?

Harlan!

You must have seen something heading this
way.

Merle!

Merle!

Ready for the big finale?

Did I look victimized enough?

Use your own discretion.

Let's keep it PG.

What's next?

Can you still hit high C?

Dupree, call all the men.

We're heading in.

Sheriff?

We're it.

Well, where is everybody?

I don't know.

Never mind.

We'll handle it ourselves.

Listen, lay one on me.

Just to give me some momentum.

Let me try.

Sure, why not?

Hey.

You hit her.

I thought she was supposed to duck.

No, you were supposed to miss her.

Oh.

But what about Jody?

She'll handle it.

Stunt people.

My God.

They beat her up.

You get over there and cover me.

Miss Appleton?

Did they?

It was horrible.

What can I do?

Uh...

Surrender.

To who?

It's home.

Them.

Jody, look out.

Present.

Yeah, it will be.

As soon as the federal marshal sees the
papers how he got out of Dixon's office.

And then it's a wrap.

Now don't hit me, Junior.

I was only following orders.

Well, you shouldn't have.

Oh!

Jody takes a bunch better than him.

Well,

the state marshal has Dixon in custody.

Yeah, I wonder what chain g*ng he's going
to.

Me and the rest of the men are mighty
grateful to you.

You spent enough time out there on the
chain g*ng.

Hope you don't hold what I did against
him.

Like you said, you never could have done
it anyway.

Thank you, Colt.

Thank you, Junior.

Come on, Howie.

I want to show you what a country girl can
do.

No, no, not now.

Oh, go ahead, Howie.

Remember, this is the forest primeval.

What are you doing?

Well, I do not intend to be a wallflower.

Whoo!