03x14 - The Huntress

[bunniefuu]

Well, I'm not the kind to kiss and tell.

But I've been seen with Sparrow.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field.

Gone fast with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death-defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall building.

I might roll a brand new car.

Cause a pillar of the unknown's coming
down.

I might not have made Redfoot such a star.

I've never spent much time in school.

But I've told ladies plenty.

It's true I hire my body out the bay.

Hey, hey.

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Teague's
blowin' up for Rockin' Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay.

Hey, hey.

I might jump an open drawbridge.

Or poison from a vine.

Cause I'm the unknown's stuntman.

It makes Eastwood look so fine.

.

.

Take her up!

Where's Colt?

He's playing poker.

Well, I got a bigger gamble for him.

The next stunt.

Action!

Do them good, G.

Do them good.

Come on, Colt.

You're bad.

Colt!

Hey, I need you on the set right away.

I'll be right there.

No, no, no.

They need you right now.

Okay, here.

Take this for your card.

I'll be right there.

Howie, come here, quick.

Howie, play this hand, will you?

Is this bridge?

No, it's poker.

Well, I don't know how to play poker.

It's okay.

This hand will play itself.

Bad fellas.

Am I in?

No.

Action!

Hey, kid.

Where's our money?

I must do it later.

Nothing.

I folded it.

You folded it?

What do you mean you folded it?

They raised $50, and I didn't have any two
that matched, so... It was an oil flush!

It's unbeatable!

You dumb...

Andrea Turner, you've had it.

And I get $50,000.

Opportunity knocks.

Opportunity get lost.

Oh, come on, Colt.

You're gonna love this one.

A deadly hit lady.

This composite drawing is all there is on
her.

She skipped bail in
upstate New York before her

arraignment on a m*rder-for
-hire rap, and she vanished.

She doesn't look like a k*ller to me.

Her looks don't k*ll.

Her knife does.

A first-class bounty hunter picked up her
trail in Connecticut.

She slid him open.

Coroner's report indicates she used the
martial arts.

What do you think, Colt, huh?

How do you make things sound very
appealing?

Maybe she's got a sister.

Howie's always asking to double-date.

That might not work.

She might be a he.

Well, I sympathize with
you, Diana, but there's

no soliciting permitted
on government property.

Would you call a plea for $50,000 for the
Children's Hospital soliciting?

No, not I personally.

But the rules are quite specific.

Oh, red tape is for small men,
Mr. Riggins.

Oh, my late husband Tim said that you were
one of nature's bickies.

Diana, Tim was a professional bounty
hunter... who took the posters off the walls.

He didn't put them up.

Every year, children die for the lack of
money for research to fight blood disease.

Now, my niece is one of those children,
and I want her to live.

But I'm still short $50,000 of making that
happen.

Wish I could help you, Diana.

My hands are tied.

Please, Colt, it's m*rder, and,
um...

The guy who was k*lled is a friend of
mine.

How do

you know she's in California?

Well, uh, the grapevine has it that
there's a new contract k*ller in town...

and she is the best.

Also, also, there's a great lead through
Interpol.

It seems that Andrea Turner, our hit lady...
that's the only name we've got on her...

she's an art collector.

Yeah?

What kind of art?

Rodin.

Rodin?

You mean like in the creature who ate
Godzilla?

Rodin.

Like in The Thinker.

Oh.

Hmm.

Cute.

Hello,

I'm Tim's widow.

Are you Freddy?

Yeah.

Hey, Tim was my best friend.

Be careful, he's a k*ller.

Room number and address.

You're very thorough.

Colt, the gallery upstairs is the only
one in town... that has a Rodin for sale.

Incidentally, this particular bronze...
is a study of a beautiful ballerina...

which shows Rodin at the height of his
powers.

Looking at it once, he's not only
his mastery... but also her bullions.

Well, I wouldn't want a bunch of
strangers... looking at a lot of bullions.

That's not what it means, Jody.

I've got scruples.

I didn't even know you were sick.

Scruples isn't a disease, and a bullion
means that it's...

Oh, you guys are right.

Yeah.

How do you watch from the street,
Jody?

I watch from the truck.

Okay.

Where are you going?

Upstairs.

I wasn't always hot for a bullion.

How are you watching from over there?

Don't you just love his brushwork?

He did that with a brush?

I could have sworn he dipped his hand...
in a bucket of paint and just let her rip.

Oh, you know his early work.

How exciting.

The moment you came in, I
knew... that you were a connoisseur.

Do I have something for you.

His Beverly Hills suite.

Trouble on Rodeo Drive.

So exquisitely decadent, and yet in its own
way... so humble within its environment.

I'll bring you a certified copy of the
provenance document.

That would be wonderful.

Thank you.

Is she a regular customer?

Oh, no, no, no.

No, she has not been here before.

However, I would like you to pay
particular note... to the heliotrope.

The gushing color, the foam of this work.

C'est merveilleux, n'est-ce pas?

Est-ce que vous avez jamais vu
une ligne... si elegante, si ravissante?

What does that mean?

This is really a beautiful number.

Miss Turner?

Yeah!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Stop it!

These are priceless works of art!

My precious art, destroyed.

Look at the bright side.

They weren't selling.

And they were fully insured.

What is it with you ladies?

Diana.

You're looking good, Colt.

It's been a long time.

How do I get her?

Hey,

I thought you knew karate.

I must have forgotten that much.

Let's move on.

It was a bizarre coincidence, Colt.

She running into me while you were running
after a hit woman...

while I was running after a wanted man.

Well, I don't trust coincidences.

If they find them in a script,
they fire the writer.

You sound just like Tim.

What's that for?

For saving my life.

And that's for risking your own life for
doing it.

You know, if I told Tim once, I'd told him
a million times.

Safe is smart.

Dangerous is dumb.

So that's why you're
going after the reward

on the m*rder*r,
because it's safe and smart.

Well, it wasn't until your k*ller grabbed
me.

What if your k*ller and my k*ller are the
same person?

Whatever.

It's been swell, but I've
got to go look up an address

that one of Tim's old snitches
gave me on my pigeon.

That's where I was headed before I was so
rudely interrupted.

Tim was my best friend.

He happened to save my life a couple of
times.

You think I'm going to let you do that?

I'm a Leo, and I'm part Irish,
and I need the 50 grand.

Do you think I'm going to let you stop me
without a court order or a baseball bat?

The first thing that Tim
taught me about bounty

hunting is you don't send
a catfish after a shark.

And believe me, Diana, you are a catfish.

Are you still going to do it?

See you, Colt.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'm going with you.

I can't let you do it alone.

It's dangerous.

You mean you're going to help me get my
man?

Oh, you big softy.

Colt, I checked on that Rodin sculpture
like you asked, and somebody did buy it.

A local law firm submitted a sealed bid on
behalf of this trust fund they represent.

But the gallery wouldn't give out any
names or addresses.

An art lover with her own legal counsel.

Say, your k*ller sounds classier than
mine.

Colt, look.

It's her shoe.

I found it in the alley.

Custom made and reinforced.

Could be the shoe of a professional
dancer.

She used a spring-loaded gadget to feed
out her knives.

A prop, like special effects rigged for
you in that Redford spy picture.

Now you're getting the idea, kid.

I want you and Jody to check out the prop
houses and all the theatrical costumers.

Maybe they can give us a line on our
little lady's goodies.

Aren't you coming with us?

You all run on.

Be careful.

Just remember, the lady you're after is no
lady.

Don't think I don't appreciate your help,
but...

I'm not splitting my reward.

Why me?

Good afternoon, Mr. Rossiter.

Good afternoon, Miss Turner.

Oh, excuse me.

Would you like to see the paper?

Thank you.

Your share of the money from our last
commission is taped to the financial section.

It's $30,000.

I have received numerous inquiries about
your services.

And I'll notify you when we get a live one
on the wire.

I mean, business is booming.

No more for now.

I'm being followed.

By whom?

I don't know, but he's getting close.

Diana, are you sure this is the right
place?

Freddie said my k*ller was using this
office for a drop.

Oh, let's forget it.

It's locked.

It wasn't locked.

It was just stuck.

No, it's unstuck, like in breaking and
entering.

So far, it's just breaking.

What do you do with that cannon?

Oh, it belonged to Tim.

I'm sort of sentimental about it.

Yeah, well, it's a .357 Magnum.

It's got enough cinnamon in it to air
-condition an elephant.

Well, then if there's an elephant hiding
in that closet, he's in big trouble.

It's your hitman's arsenal.

Well, shouldn't we dust these for
fingerprints or something?

Probably wouldn't find any.

But somebody with a name and address had
to rent this office.

Those g*ns should have serial numbers that
could be traced.

Terry?

No, but I'm working on it.

The fact is, I could use a favor.

I

don't know if this is such a hot idea.

Colt told us to check out customers and
prop houses, didn't he?

And they said that they sold the knife
gimmick and the shoe to somebody using

this theater's business account,
right?

Right, but it doesn't mean whoever bought
them is in the theater now.

Howie!

We have no proof that our hit lady is
here!

Would you care to retract that last
remark?

I'd be willing to bet you anything one of
them is Andrea Turner.

The question is, which one?

Howie, they're all blondes.

Our hit lady is a brunette, in case you
didn't notice.

Of course I did.

She probably wears a wig when she does a
job.

It's a perfect disguise.

Who are you?

And what are you doing in my theater?

Your theater?

Oh, you must be Mr. Llewellyn.

I'm Howard Munson, Jr., the motion picture
stuntman who telephoned you earlier about

upgrading my career by studying stage
technique.

All right, Stanley.

I told you, I wasn't interested.

Yes, sir, I know that,
but I felt that if you were

to see my portfolio, you
might give me a chance.

I have worked with some of the best.

You actually appeared with Marlin?

Yes, only twice.

And Lord Lawrence Olivier?

Oh, yes, Larry was a fun guy.

Robert Redford!

Dustin Hoffman!

Lee Strasberg!

He actually worked with Lee!

Thank you, Lieutenant, for getting me this
information so quickly.

You may have just helped us locate a
k*ller.

Hello?

Colt, hi, listen.

Those weapons you found are registered to
Mr. Earl Rossiter.

He's the owner of the Marina g*n Club.

If Rossiter is in the connection,
he ought to know who is.

And, uh, who, pray tell, are you?

You lovely creature.

Ah, Jody Banks.

I'm, uh, a friend of Howie's.

I do stunts in the movies, too.

Ah, and does the theater lure you with
the same intensity which has driven Mr.

Munson to abandon his breakaway
walls and his, uh, exploding automobiles?

Yeah.

Well, sort of.

Well, then I would be a
callous rogue indeed not to

offer you a place in my
humble company of players.

Welcome to the Llewellyn Theater,
my dear Miss Banks.

Uh, don't I have to try out?

No, no, no, you don't.

He does.

Now, remember, Diana, play it rich and
intense.

According to Terry, Rossiter is the
contact.

Or the k*ller.

But if it works, the k*ller will come
after you.

Well, that's what bait's for.

Well, you sure look pretty enough.

Thanks.

My husband is out of
town so often on business I

don't feel safe, so I
decided to change all that.

Oh, I'm surprised your husband didn't
teach you to sh**t, Mrs. Duffy.

He's a very fine marksman.

Him?

He's not my husband.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I'm naturally a symptom.

Well, forgive me.

How was that, sweetheart?

Oh, it's fabulous, Colt, as usual.

Well, I'm even better with the other hand.

Oh, I know, darling.

You see, Colt and I became involved during
one of my husband's absences, and I'm

afraid I was a little too generous with
the boy and he became spoiled.

And he unfortunately won't let me forget
about it.

You mean blackmail?

My husband is worth
millions, and this Hollywood

gigolo is trying to bleed
me out of every penny.

Oh, that's wonderful, darling,
terrific.

I'll pay you anything to get rid of him
for good.

A hundred thousand, two hundred thousand,
anything.

Well, I'm sympathetic, of course,
but I don't know how I could help you.

Well, since you deal
so much in weapons,

Mr. Rosenthal, I thought
that you might know someone.

Two hundred and fifty thousand.

But it has to be done this afternoon.

Not really, Mrs. Duffy.

You're talking to the wrong man.

Freddy the Palooka thought differently.

Now, how would a person like you run
across somebody like Freddy the Palooka?

Desperation helps you meet new people.

Call Freddy.

I'm sure he'll give you a character
report.

If I did know someone capable of solving
your problem, where would this person find

your gentleman friend, say, later this
afternoon?

I'm sure I could convince
him to return here to

sh**t his little g*n
before his plane leaves.

Say, uh, four o'clock?

Yes.

Mrs. Duffy, it's been a pleasure talking
to you.

Now, please, please, enjoy the range.

Did he buy it?

Well, I think so.

I threw Freddy the Palooka in as a
clincher.

I told Freddy to really lay it on thick.

I don't think Rossiter will be so hard to
convince.

with all of these rocks.

Yeah, but don't get too far with them.

We gotta get them back to the studio by
six.

Oh, spoiled sport.

Hey, do you know how to use that thing?

How'd I do?

Uh, good.

Real good.

Now, believe me, Miss Turner, this could
be a goldmine.

Fulfilling a commitment
on such short notice

at your g*n club
could create difficulties.

No.

Now, it would be worth it.

After you execute the contract,
we can bleed this lady forever.

Now, Andrea, have I ever steered you
wrong?

Very well, then, Mr. Rossiter.

But I want Mr. Seavers to be quite alone
when I come by.

Until four, then.

Right.

There must be something I can do to help.

Yeah, you can stay here so I don't have to
worry about you.

Yeah, but what if he gets in close enough
to take a shot?

Then what?

The first man that walks in that door is
as good as booked.

Now, you stay put.

Mr. Colt Seavers.

The hit lady.

That metal with me again.

You can't beat old ladies.

What are you telling me?

Get the lead out.

We'll lose the witch.

Better let me have the wheel.

Oh, don't be silly.

This constant pet.

When I whistle, it wags its tail.

I don't like front-seat drivers.

Look out.

There's boxes in the way.

She's doing a 180.

What's a 180?

That's not a 180.

I was never good with numbers.

Oh, my God.

Here we go.

Oh, my God.

I'm

a real Bond-Cop.

So that's a 180.

No, that's a fire hydrant.

Well, I won't have to admit you were right
about one thing.

Our meeting certainly wasn't a
coincidence.

Ah, it was a disaster.

We have to get after my
hit man or your hit woman,

whoever he or she
happens to be at the moment.

That's money on the hoof.

Howie and Jody have been on this hit lady
part since early this morning.

Now, nobody is going to get away this
time.

Mmm, but you haven't heard from me yet.

Right, but I will.

So I suppose I would be
reasonable if I just stayed

here and let this news
look after me for a few days.

And Tim would approve of that.

Oh, Colt, you will let me in on the final
capture, won't you?

The reward is very important to me.

I will hold her or him down while you put
the cuffs on.

Oh, bless you, Colt.

You know, if you don't mind, I am feeling
very, very tired.

Well, why don't you just take a nap?

Where are you going?

Out.

Call me a cab, will you, honey?

Tell him I need a driver that's very
familiar with the downtown.

Where the theater costumes and props are.

Oh, it's okay, honey.

I'm a schoolteacher.

I run a tight classroom.

I don't believe in love.

Especially not with the sailor I just met.

Don't hold my service against me.

When I take off my uniform, you'll see I'm
just an ordinary man.

Not ordinary.

There's nothing ordinary about you.

Or about the way I feel.

What's the matter?

I think you chipped my tooth.

Can you really get me on the movie set?

Of course I can, Vivian, darling.

There's just one little thing you can do
for me.

Here or my place?

You have a thing for footwear,
Jack?

It's Howie.

And if the shoe fits, you know what I
mean?

No, I don't.

It doesn't matter.

Your foot's too big anyway.

Too what?

Too big for what I had in mind.

Kinky creep!

Any luck?

Cinderella doesn't work very well in the
real world.

I managed to eliminate two suspects.

Hi, Lola.

Sickie!

She was suspect number two?

Yeah.

Listen, you better get in touch
with Colt, because if you've

narrowed it down to one
possibility, he's gonna want to know.

Well, nobody answered at the house when I
called, so I left word at the studio.

Meanwhile, I better stay close to Nan.

I haven't tried her foot yet, but she's
gotta be the hit lady.

So beautiful, but so deadly.

Sounds like my NL virus ham casserole.

Tell Miss Turner that
I spoke to our mutual

attorneys before coming
here to Lois Island.

And they said inquiries
have been made about the

Rodin at the Vermeer
Galleries by a Jody Banks.

You're sure about her name?

Yes, definitely.

Anything else?

She's a stuntwoman who
works with the guy who

set up me and Miss Turner
with that Duffy woman.

His name is Colt Seavers.

Thank you very much.

Miss Turner will meet you at Lobos Island
this afternoon.

No, no, no, no, no.

Tell her that's cutting it too fine.

Tell her the time to go is now.

I shall personally deliver your message,
Mr. Rossiter.

Goodbye.

Jody, I do hope that you
won't think that I'm capitalizing

on my position as owner
and director of this theater.

But I want you to have a drink with me.

Or I shall cast you to the wolves.

What if I pick the wolves?

Ah, but you see, I'm also the principal
wolf.

Oh, well, then I don't have much choice.

No, none at all.

Uh, I thought you said something about the
finest restaurant in town.

Oh, this is the finest restaurant in town.

But it's not remarkable for its
refreshments.

Then what's it remarkable for?

For its ambience.

Where else could you relax in the company
of such magnificence?

Wow.

I've never seen anything so beautiful
except for in a museum.

Art.

Art is the only thing that lasts,
Jody.

Kingdoms, wealth, knowledge, they all
decay and die.

But art remains for all eternity.

I've seen this somewhere before.

It's, uh, it's a Rodin, isn't it?

Very good, my dear.

Yes, indeed it is.

Yes, it is a Rodin.

And so is this one.

And that larger bronze.

Auguste Rodin.

He's my personal god of sculpture.

But you know that, don't you?

Uh, no.

I don't know that, Mr. Leroy.

I mean, how would I?

You checked the Vermeer Gallery,
didn't you?

You and your friend, Colt Seavers,
have been quite thorough.

Oh!

I've given you instructions and you can't
even find the way.

Hey, lady, trust me.

I know where I'm going.

There it is, over there.

I know, lady.

I know.

You couldn't find your way out of a one
-way tunnel.

The manager of the
clubhouse told you exactly

where to come and
you still couldn't find it.

And don't say another word or you'll have
to sue me for your fare.

Oh...

Lady, you're crazy.

Well...

Stop making all that noise, Joanie.

I'll untie you.

What the hell was that all about?

Mr. Llewellyn, he doesn't like strangers.

Well, I don't think I like Mr. Llewellyn
either.

Come on, I want some answers.

Oh, come on, Nan.

I'm not some sort of a weirdo or anything.

I was just trying to get your foot size.

You go back and explain that to them at
the restaurant.

I'm sure they find men sneaking under
women's tables every day of the week.

Well, I wouldn't have had to do that if
you'd just tried on the dumb shoe.

I already have a shoe on.

See?

Diana.

Diana!

Somebody must have seen Jody and Howie.

They're not the invisible type.

I don't know about Jody.

And I don't care if I ever see that foot
fetishist again.

Howie?

Oh, come on, let's go.

Llewellyn here.

Have the chopper ready.

I want to go to Lobos Island and all points
beyond as soon as I dispose of some cargo.

Which way did they go?

They went down that way.

Let's go.

There's a dozen different directions they
could have gone.

Don't worry.

Colt and Howie will come after us.

But how can they find us?

I got it.

Oh, you're nuts.

That's a great work of art.

Sorry, but it worked for Hansel and
Gretel.

Those aren't breadcrumbs.

And no birds will eat them.

I don't see that van anywhere.

Go to the right.

Take a right, right, right.

Stop, Colt.

Hold it.

Stop.

Stop.

Hey, what are you, loco?

Colt, look.

It's a Rogan.

Diana must have thrown it out of the van.

Now we know which way she went.

Diana always was a smart cookie.

Yeah.

Well, Rodan was a great cookie.

An immortal classical cookie.

He wasn't even a cookie.

He was a... he was a souffle.

Maybe we ought to call Julia Childs in on
the case, huh?

Oh, we're talking immortal art here.

I don't know, kid.

But I know Diana.

She wouldn't be tossing out Rodans if it
wasn't a matter of death or death.

Colt, there's another one.

Grab it, kid.

Next time, could you slow down at least?

Man, this one really took a beating,
Colt.

Luckily, every bronze sculpture is
considered an original, so it can be sent

to the foundry for repairs and still
retain its value.

Let's hope we don't have to find a foundry
for Diana.

Yeah.

Should we jump?

Well, I could make it, but you couldn't.

All right.

We'll be ready for him when he stops.

Well, he'll have to k*ll us both.

We don't have to cooperate.

We won't.

Then we have, uh, nothing to worry about.

Well, what if I miss?

I won't.

Um, what if you do?

This hit-man-hit-woman has k*lled an awful
lot of good people.

He's gonna sh**t Colt!

Great shot!

Wow, nice shot, Diana.

It works better with your eyes open.

Hey, are you okay?

We're both okay, but look, Llewellyn's
getting away!

Shake him off!

Diana

heard him order the chopper.

He's headed for Lobos Island.

Howie, get to the boat dock.

Right.

Rosita, Ivor, I've picked up unwanted
company.

Who is this?

Where's Miss Turner?

I am Miss Turner, you cretin!

Stanley will explain to you later.

Now, you just, uh, deal with my pursuers.

Send out the three boats and all my men.

Stop them.

Do you understand?

Yeah, sure, uh, anything you say.

Why doesn't Llewellyn just keep on
running?

My bet is that he's going home for the
rest of his road ends.

First, we gotta get past them.

Stay low, Ken.

I'm gonna ram one of them.

Wow, talk about jaws!

The

two are coming after us.

Can't we go any faster?

Well, I'm going full out.

We're gonna have to use some finesse on
these two.

And some windshield wipers.

Two down, two to go.

Get me close again!

You got it, kid.

Now, when you take over, stay on the other
one's tail.

I'll come at him from the front.

We'll get my rodents and my money and then
head for Mexico.

Rosita and Stanley will have to fend for
themselves.

Quickly, you clod!

Rosita might have let them slip through!

That's about the size of it.

You're no match for me.

I have a black belt.

What are you gonna do?

Beat me with your wardrobe?

Thank you.

Would you sign this, please?

Oh, sure.

Paul?

Would you take care of her, please?

Sure, kid.

Give me a couple of bucks.

A second belt will make it five.

Thanks.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Fifty thousand dollars divided by three...

Okay, a third and a third and a third
gives you...

Sixteen thousand, six hundred and sixty -six
dollars, sixty-six and two-thirds cents.

Forget the two-thirds cents.

I will just deposit this check and
disperse the funds.

Consider it dispersed.

Well, Diana, I have to... After
that action, I owe you dinner.

Oh, forget the food code.

All I want is my sixteen
thousand dollars for my niece

and the rest of the kids
at the children's hospital.

And the sixteen thousand of your share you
promised me.

Oh, now stop complaining and start
writing, or I'll move in with you.

I'll get my checkbook.

Look.

That's my cat!

I love the cat cookie.

I love the Dumbo!

We've got theier!