04x16 - Sheriff Seavers

[bunniefuu]

I've been seen with Farrah.

I've never been with anything less than a
nine.

So fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field.

Gone fast with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as
mine.

It's a death defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I
ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some of the guy
while I'm bandaging my knee.

They've

read for such a star.

I've

never spent much time in school,
but I've taught ladies plenty.

It's true I hire my body out for pay.

Hey, hey, I've gotten burned over Cheryl
Teague's blown up for Rocky Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay.

Hey, hey, I might jump an open drawbridge
or Tarzan from a vine.

It makes Eastwood look so...

Okay, Colt, it's all yours.

And you look adorable in that sweet
-looking wig.

Great going, kid.

Let's go home.

No.

Colt, this is a run-of-the-mill pickup.

Lester Vernon.

Finances a drug deal.

He gets busted.

He runs as soon as he gets bailed.

He's a pussycat.

There's $6,500 in it for you.

Not one penny more.

Make it $1,000 more.

Colt!

Deal?

Deal.

Okay, now that's out of the way.

Now, the sheriff's name is Webb.

Sheriff?

Oh, yeah.

You'll never be able to bring in Lester
without his help.

What about my help?

Not enough.

I thought you said he was a pussycat.

Oh, he is.

He is.

It's his father, L.V.

He's a mountain lion.

You know, a lot of money, a lot of power.

Practically owns the town.

In fact, the only man that's...

I've never gone up against him in one as
the sheriff.

Without him on your side, forget it.

L.V.

has 30 hired hands and each one of those
hands holds a g*n.

Is there anything else you honestly forgot
to mention?

No, not a thing.

Oh, uh, these are the court papers and his
picture.

By the way, um, if you
don't bring Lester in within


and you don't get paid.

Forty-eight hours?

We did that movie.

Lester, I don't want you out of this house
again.

People are looking for you.

I don't want you hauled off to jail until
I can get you down to South America.

Yeah, well, I've been cooped up here for a
month.

I mean, this isn't any better than jail.

Look, your fake passport will be ready in
a week.

Then you don't lie on the beach.

Just watch the scenery readers until all
this stuff blows over.

LV, we've got a little problem.

I just saw the sheriff.

He's down at the resort.

He's taking water samples out of the lake.

You know, if he takes those samples to the
health department, he'll shut things down.

There goes the fishing season.

This town's gonna go bust.

To hell with the town.

The escrow on my resort closes tomorrow,
and if the buyer finds out that lake's

polluted, he'll pull out and I'll lose my
shirt.

We gotta stop that sheriff.

I should have done it a long time ago.

Isn't there some way we can stall him?

You don't stall a man like Webb.

You stop him.

Permanently.

You want me to k*ll him?

You've done it before.

I want that sheriff dead.

I'll take care of things here,
Sheriff, while you make your rounds.

Hank,

this is Rita Vajar.

I need an ambulance at the sheriff's
office.

Dad!

I'll put you where you belong.

Why would someone do that?

Just g*n down the sheriff in cold blood?

I don't know.

At least you got the guy.

You're a regular hero around here.

That's not gonna help my truck.

It don't run so good charbroiled.

Well, insurance will cover that.

Yeah, minus the deductible and the $7,500.

What's $7,500?

$7,500 we would have gotten for bringing
Lester in.

Why shouldn't we get that?

Because the fire destroyed our truck.

The court orders.

Right now we got no legal right to grab
Lester.

Less than two days to bring him in.

We don't have time to get new ones.

This day's turning into a real big
headache.

I'd say it qualifies for a migraine.

Hi.

Hi.

I wanted to thank you for what you did
today.

I'm afraid this is all we could salvage
from your truck.

Hey, look, we're real sorry about the
sheriff.

Yeah, he was a wonderful man.

This town lost a lot today.

Uh, the county's sending us a new sheriff
tomorrow.

I was talking to the judge about you,
Mr. Seavers.

And he'd really like it.

We both would.

If you could fill in.

Me?

You gotta be kidding.

No, you're the only man in this town we
can trust.

You certainly have the guts.

And, uh, you are qualified.

Hold on.

Let me tell you about that badge.

Uh, just a minute, Cole.

Excuse us.

Just a minute.

Howie, we both know that that marshal's
badge is a prop from the last picture.

Yeah, but she doesn't know that.

Look, it's just for one day.

Since our court papers got destroyed,
this may be our only chance to grab Lester.

You can get a warrant and arrest him.

Well, it's not that simple.

Lester's father is some kind of a tough
honcho.

Terry said we'd need help.

No, she said we'd need the sheriff.

And that was because he had the law behind
him.

Well, you've got that and me.

What about the responsibilities of being a
sheriff?

Small town.

Oh, Andy Griffiths, Mayberry R.F.D.

Are you kidding?

We just saw the sheriff gunned down.

Well, I know that, but that may have been
something personal.

Definitely.

There probably hasn't been a major crime
around here in years.

Anyway, if we don't do something soon,
Lester's bond is gonna expire,

and we're gonna be out 7,500 bucks.

I,

Colt Seavers, accept these duties.

And with powers vested in me by this
county, I appoint you sheriff.

Thank you.

Thank you, Colt.

You're gonna make a great sheriff.

Thanks.

Look, while you're at it, can you make him
a deputy?

Me?

Well, I couldn't do it without you,
Opie.

Sheriff, you can do that yourself.

That's one of your powers.

Then can you give me an arrest warrant for
a bail jumper from L.A.

named Lester Vernon?

Lester?

You sure you want to do that?

You're only gonna be sheriff for one day.

We'd like for you to leave in one piece.

Could you just get me the warrant?

If you're willing to stand up against L
.V., I won't stop you.

Let's go over to the office.

I'll get you a warrant.

It'll take me a little time.

A lot of paperwork, you know.

And you hold down the fort.

You're a deputy.

This is gonna be as quiet and peaceful as
I thought.

Can I help you?

Are you the sheriff?

No, I'm the deputy sheriff.

My name's Howie Munson.

You'll do.

All right, buddy, you're under arrest.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used
against you in court of law.

This cell's dirty.

How about the other cell?

I don't understand men like you.

This is supposed to be a quiet town.

Howie!

Look what's going on.

I haven't even had a chance to put my
uniform on.

You did that deliberately.

You're damn right I did.

Look, Baikman, I work for a bank.

We have obligations to our shareholders.

I had no alternative but to foreclose on
your property.

We're not giving you back our land.

You know what your trouble is?

You never lost anything that
you... What are you doing?

Never lost anything that you care about.

You keep away from me.

So I'm gonna show you what it's like.

What are you doing?

Think you can take us when we're down and
get away with it?

Mister, you do not know the Baikmans.

You gotta stop it.

Nobody gets away with that.

Nobody.

I'm arresting you for the will for
destruction of private property.

Has the town gone berserk?

I don't know.

It's usually a peaceful town.

All right, sucker, freeze.

Uh, Howie?

I do hope that's not loaded.

Hey, have you seen Colt?

He should have been back with a warrant by
now.

He'll be back any second.

I just saw him leaving the judges.

This is Martin Blaine.

He's representing Slade.

The man Colt captured.

Mister Blaine, this is Howie Munson,
our new deputy.

I'd like to speak with my client.

All right.

Gonna have to frisk you first.

Uh, the bag.

Okay.

Slade, it's your lawyer.

Excuse me, deputy.

Would you mind if I switch cells?

What's wrong with the one you got?

I don't like the guy I'm with.

Gives me the creeps.

He gives you the creeps?

Mm-hmm.

Harvey, would you rather be in with a
k*ller?

Yeah.

Deputy, the sheriff's back.

Wait a minute.

I got a better idea.

Harvey, would you mind, uh, waiting right
here for a minute?

Colt, can I talk to you for a moment?

I want to fill you in on this guy.

I already was.

He knocked you on your butt.

I've just looked up Harvey's record.

He was released from the state
penitentiary a week ago.

He was in for six years.

I figure that he's a classic case of
readjustment trauma.

He, uh, he finds it difficult to cope in
the outside world.

So he returns to the environment in which
he feels most comfortable, which is jail.

You sure?

Colt, I studied criminal psychology at
Penn State.

Oh.

Would you mind if I handled this case
myself?

All right, kid, but it's on your
shoulders.

Harvey, what do you think about us letting
you go?

That won't be necessary.

Just put me in the other cell.

What did I tell you?

No, Harvey, we've decided to release you.

There's a great, big, beautiful world out
there, and you ought to give it a chance.

You should get out into society and try to
make something of yourself.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Go on, you're a free man.

Look, I want to stay in jail.

If you send me out there, I'll just get
busted and be right back.

No, you won't, Harvey, because you don't
really want to be locked up.

Oh, yes, I do.

Harvey, you've got to trust me.

Get out there.

Make yourself a model citizen.

Put me in there.

I'll be back.

You can count on it.

You know, kid, that's the first time I've
ever seen a man locked out of jail.

Once he settles down, he'll realize that
freedom is the right choice.

I think he means it, kid.

Coach, you're going to have to trust me on
this.

I just gave Harvey the break that he
needed.

He won't be back.

I should have been a criminologist.

I'm Junior Simpson, and let's check out
some Maximum Exposure.

Listen, man, LV got me into this,
and he's going to get me out.

Otherwise, I'm going to talk.

You know LV's going to take care of you.

Just stay calm.

That's easy for you to say.

You didn't k*ll a cop.

Now, I want out of here.

And we'll arrange that.

As soon as the sale of the resort goes
through.

But right now, we can't risk any more
problems with the new sheriff now, can we?

Oh, you already got problems, buddy.

I heard him talking out there.

And they're going to issue a warrant for
Lester's arrest.

How did...

How did Slade afford such a fancy lawyer?

That's LV's lawyer.

And Slade is LV's ranch foreman.

I'm not making any accusations,
but LV and the sheriff didn't get along.

And as long as you're
in the mood for letting

prisoners go, why don't you
release the other one, too?

Hey, Harvey, where's the special
circumstance?

Then I think we're going to have big
problems.

What kind of problems?

Bazooka Bakeman is a survivalist.

k*ll or be k*lled, that sort of thing.

But why let him go?

Because if you don't,
his older brother Jack

is going to come into
town looking for him.

Yeah, well, the Bakeman boys are just
going to have to learn that they can't

push sheriffs even...
Who's that, deputy?

Who's that?

Harvey.

Harvey.

Mr. Criminologist.

You were so keen on letting him go.

Why don't you go bring him back?

All right.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.

All right.

What's this one, deputy?

Harvey, what the heck do you think you're
doing?

I told you I'd be back.

I could arrest you again, Harvey,
but what good would it do you?

Sooner or later, you're going to have to
be back out on the streets.

And then what?

Are you the new sheriff?

I'm only temporary.

Well, I'm George Bell.

And sheriff, temporary or not, you've
got to do something about Crystal Lake.

I found two more of my cattle dead this
morning.

That makes 12 this month.

And they've been drinking the runoff from
the lake that L.V.

poisoned when he built that resort.

Well, like I said, I'm only temporary.

Why don't you take it up with the new
sheriff when he comes in tomorrow?

Tourist season starts tomorrow.

Now, how many kids do you think might be
swimming in that lake tomorrow?

I'll tell you what I'll do, George.

I'll talk to the sheriff first thing when
he arrives.

Sheriff Webb has already looked into the
matter.

And there's no more time for talk.

You've got to close down that lake.

Howie, as soon as you
put your friend back in

the lake, I'm going
to get you out of here.

Why don't you go down to the lake and pick
us up some water samples?

All right, Colt.

And where are you going?

I'm going to pick up Lester out at L.V.'s.

Colt.

Yeah?

Be careful.

Why?

What could happen in a quiet little town
like this?

Slade can stay in jail.

If he's stupid enough to get caught,
let him hang.

Unfortunately, if Slade goes down,
he'll take you with him.

He'll tie you into the sheriff's m*rder if
we don't get him out.

What are his chances in court?

With all those witnesses?

I could possibly get him life.

Dammit!

I'll have to spurn you.

They getting your sheriff yet?

They've sworn the guy to chase Slade down.

His name is Seavers.

He's got one deputy.

That shouldn't be a problem.

Except for one thing.

What's that?

I did some checking.

Turns out he's a bounty hunter out of L.A.

A bounty hunter?

Oh, yeah.

And he's got an arrest warrant for Lester
here.

You're more trouble than you're worth,
Lester.

I'll have to deal with that new sheriff,
too.

There's a Colt Seavers on his way to see
you.

Thank you.

You'll get your chance.

He just drove through the gate.

You must be the new sheriff.

I'm L.V.

Vernon.

Yeah, sure sorry to hear about Webb.

He's a good man.

Well, the way I hear it, you two didn't
exactly get along.

Well, we didn't see eye to eye,
but I still respected him.

That's too bad your foreman didn't feel
the same way.

I was just as shocked as everybody else,
Sheriff.

You can't blame me for what one of my
employees did.

Now, you didn't drive all the way out here
to tell me that, did you?

I got a warrant for Lester Vernon's
arrest.

I see.

Well, sir, I gotta give you a lot of
credit.

You're a brave man coming out here this
way.

Oh, just doing my job.

You don't mind if I look around,
do you?

You're not gonna find him out here.

I haven't seen my son in months.

Let's take a look.

Well, it looks like he's here.

One more thing, L.V.

I got some complaints about the lake water
by your new resort.

Thought I'd let you know.

I'll be checking into it.

Only, Sheriff, for a day.

Why make it shorter than that?

I got the water samples from the lake.

Howie, Colt's still not back from L.V.'s.

All right, well, I'm heading back to the
jail, out.

Hey, Breaker.

Hey, Sheriff.

It looks as though you got yourself a
broken taillight.

Yeah.

Oh, whoops, Meg.

That too, broken taillights.

What the heck do you think you're doing?

I want my brother Jeff out of jail.

Your brother broke the law.

Yeah?

Then I'm gonna break you.

Cheer up.

You're about to have a little family
reunion.

You ain't gonna be smiling for long.

What happened?

I just found the other Baikman brother.

Oh, you've just given their father, Luther
Baikman, a reason to come into town.

Well, you can't be as bad as the Sons.

Howie, you ain't seen nothing yet.

It's getting pretty crowded in here,
Deputy.

Doesn't seem right to have the three of us
crammed into one.

Why don't we go to one cell while he's in
there all by himself?

Forget it, Harvey.

I'm not putting you in another cell.

Hey, kid, see if you can find the phone
number for the State Health Department.

I'm gonna get someone to analyze that
water sample you brought in.

Do you think there's something to George
Bell's story?

Well, I hope not.

But I see here tomorrow's opening of
fishing season.

A lot of lives could be in jeopardy.

Here it is, Colt.



We'll drop off at Vow on our way to L.A.

after we pick up Lester and maybe the new
Sheriff can carry on from there.

Figures it's a recording.

Won't be open till Monday.

That'll be too late.

I've got a friend at the university who
works in the chemistry department.

He can analyze the water.

C'mon.

The sample's in Howie's Jeep.

Come on, I'm switching your cell.

It's about time.

I really appreciate this, Deputy.

Yeah, well I don't want any more trouble
from you.

I don't want any more trouble from any of
you guys.

Do you hear me?

I said no more trouble!

Hi, I'm Lester Vernon.

Yeah, I know who you are.

You can put that thing away.

See, I decided I didn't want to be in any
more trouble than I'm already in.

I'm giving myself up.

Tell me something, Lester.

How'd they catch you?

I mean, I thought you'd be halfway to
South America by now.

No, it was a little change in plans.

LV thought it'd be better if I gave myself
up.

No, that doesn't sound like LV.

No, he put in a big bribe that'll
guarantee I get a light sentence.

Now that sounds like LV.

See, the only thing that was keeping that
sheriff around here was me.

Tomorrow, when LV's selling that resort,
Sheriff and I'll be long gone to L.A.

You

know, when we don't
show up tonight, Daddy's

gonna tear this whole
town apart looking for us.

And there won't be a safe place on earth
for them two cops to hide.

Well, I can't hardly
believe how lucky we

were that Lester turned
himself in like that.

Between you and me, I was having doubts
about our making that deadline.

Yep.

LV and his men could have easily have
stalled us for a day and a half.

Then Lester's bond would have expired.

We'd have had no choice but to leave
without him.

Then you don't believe
that Lester's really turned

over a new leaf and wants
to pay his debt to society?

Not a chance.

LV's up to something.

But as the saying goes, don't look a gift
horse in the mouth.

Especially if he's gonna help pay for a
new truck.

Good morning.

My friend at the university is
working on those water samples

now, and we should have
the results by this afternoon.

Good.

We'll be leaving as soon as the new
sheriff gets here.

Lester's bail runs out tomorrow.

We gotta get him back.

But you can't leave.

I just talked to George Bell.

It seems his daughter and a friend ate
some fish caught in Crystal Lake.

Both kids are in the hospital.

Howie, looks like you'll be taking Lester
back by yourself.

No way.

If you're staying, I'm staying.

Then we'll just have to leave Lester
locked up in his cell.

What about the lake?

We'll close it.

Kid, I want you to post signs on every
road leading into the lake.

I'll stay here and take the flack.

I heard you ran into a few more problems.

The sheriff and his deputy
want to close the lake until they

can get the health department
up there and test the water.

I thought they were taking Lester back to
L.A.

My sacrificial lamb didn't work.

They're staying.

Just a few more hours is all I need.

I just want to get my money and get out of
here.

I want you to meet somebody, Elvie.

This is Luther Bateman, Elvie.

I've heard of him.

He's nothing but trouble.

That's why I looked him up.

Seems the sheriff has both his boys locked
up.

Luther's gonna bust them out.

That's his business.

Luther could bust out Lester and Slade at
the same time.

And the sheriff and his deputy?

They'll probably have to be taken hostage
until at least tomorrow.

That'd be perfect.

What's your price?

I owe my land back.

The bank just foreclosed on his property.

It'd take about $35,000 to get it back.

Luther, you've got yourself a deal.

Sheriff's office.

Yeah, hold on.

I called.

It's Rita.

She's got the test results.

Yeah.

Right.

Thanks.

George Bell was right.

Plague water's extremely toxic.

It's defoliant.

The kind somebody'd use to clear the land
for a resort, eh?

That's all the proof I need.

Could you hold the fort?

I'm going to see the judge get an
injunction to close that lake.

L.O.V.

won't stop us this time.

I hate to leave you here alone.

Come on.

What more can happen?

Hold the fort.

What's to hold?

Hey!

You draw that p*stol, it'll be the last
thing you'll ever do.

Who are you after?

Everyone, sonny.

Round them up.

We'll all take a little ride.

Colt, this is Rita.

Do you read me?

Yeah, I got you.

What is it?

Witnesses saw Baikman kidnap Howie and all
the prisoners.

Do you know where they would go?

The only place I can think of is his
stronghold, his farm up in the hills.

Do you know where that is?

No.

Where are you now?

I just passed Johnson's Junction.

It's just a mile north of there.

Gotcha.

They

are gonna turn us loose, aren't they?

You're asking the wrong person.

That's the guy I bit during the fight in
the cell.

Excuse me, sir.

Shut up!

Hey, Dad, there's the sheriff.

Looks like he's headed for the farm.

Let's take care of him right now.

Can't stop him.

This way.

This guy's crazy.

He's out to k*ll your friend.

We got him, Dad.

He's headed over the cliff.

I guess we won't be seeing too much more
of the sheriff.

Yeah, let's go to the barn.

I want you to know I'm sorry about your
friend.

Thanks, Harvey.

The cult's been in plenty of tough
scrapes.

I'm not about to give up hope.

What I don't understand is why didn't
Baikman just grab his two sons and run?

Why take us along?

I'm not sure.

I got a feeling LV's tied into it.

He was furious when I shut down the lake.

Why should he care?

I heard Lester and Slade last night.

LV's in the process of selling the resort.

Well, that's it.

Don't you see?

He won't be able to sell the resort if the
buyer finds out that the lake's polluted.

The property will never clear escrow.

I gotta get out of here.

I can help you get free if I can tag
along.

We're on the same team now, Harvey.

In my back pocket, there's a spoon.

And the handle's been scraped real sharp.

Can you reach it?

I got it.

I got it.

I thought you said LV was gonna get us out
of here.

Yeah, I'm sure Dad's behind this.

It's just a matter of time.

We'll get out of here.

I hope you're right.

I know you boys are out there.

Now call them in here.

What?

No surprises.

Come on.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Jeff.

Come on in here a minute, will you?

What do you need, Paul?

All right, hold it right there.

Harvey, get their g*ns.

Let's take their van and make our getaway.

Are you crazy?

Did you see the guys who were guarding
that van?

They're armed to the teeth.

Give me my handcuffs back.

Yeah.

Harvey, tie him up.

All right, gentlemen, we're gonna take a
little hike.

I saw a phone booth on the highway at the
entrance to the farm.

Oh, wouldn't you know it.

Has anybody got any change?

You took our money when you booked us.

Why'd I have to be so thorough?

Harvey's got a quarter.

Me?

Called.

He's still alive.

Yeah, but I sure don't feel like it.

I just walked a mile through woods on a
bad leg.

Come on, Harvey, we don't have much time.

Hand it over.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Look, you got a 1916S Standing Liberty
quarter.

Well, that's impossible.

I'm only an amateur
numismatist, but even I

know there are only a
few of those in the world.

Yeah, maybe fewer than that.

It's a men-era.

It might be worth $100,000.

$111,000, to be exact.

There's only two of them like it in the
world.

How did you find out about it?

I read your file this morning.

You were busted six years ago for stealing
a valuable coin collection.

Sheriff Webb arrested you and placed you
in jail overnight.

And that quarter was the only coin that
wasn't recovered.

Are you saying he stashed that coin in his
cell?

That's why he kept getting himself
arrested.

And that's why you wanted me to switch
your cell, so you could get at that coin.

I spent six years in prison waiting to get
my hands on that coin.

I'm not about to give it up now.

Harvey, look, the lake's been poisoned.

And the kids are gonna be swimming in that
water.

People are gonna be fishing and eating
what they catch.

Now, we haven't got much time.

Let me make that call.

Once the coin goes in that phone,
I'll never see it again.

Harvey, I can take it from you, or
you can do what's right and hand it over.

You calling the Department of Health?

Too late for that.

I'm calling the governor.

Yeah, this is Sheriff Colt Severs from
Dawson County.

I'd like to speak to the governor,
please.

It's an emergency.

Look, I don't care what he's doing.

This is life or death.

Thank you.

They're getting him.

What are we gonna do about Lester?

His bail expires in about five hours.

As soon as I get off the
phone with the governor,

I'm taking Slade and
Harvey back to jail.

And Lester and I are getting on the first
plane to Los Angeles.

How are we gonna get back to town?

Well, I'll have the governor call Rita and
have her pick me up.

What are we gonna do about L.V.?

The escrow closes on his resort property
in an hour.

That doesn't give us much time.

Rita may not be able to find us in time.

Well, I guess I better commandeer the next
vehicle that comes down this road.

I don't think we'll all fit.

Can you handle it, Deputy?

Right, Sheriff.

Let's handle it, Colt.

Ever heard of Paul Revere?

Yeah!

Come on!

Kid!

Kid!

You gotta stop the signing of the paper!

Don't sign those papers.

What's going on?

The water in the lake is polluted.

The governor's in the process of shutting
it down right now.

Deputy, how can we ever thank you?

That's not necessary.

You're both under arrest.

For what?

For starters, for conspiracy to m*rder
Sheriff Webb.

Thought I told you to tell Jody where we
were going.

No way!

You told me you were gonna tell her.

Why didn't you just call Terry and ask her
yourself?

Well, I tried, but she was away for the
weekend.

Okay, so where you been?

Up north, picking up a skipper.

Yeah.

Terry gave Colt 48 hours to pick him up,
bring him back.

I didn't think we had a chance once the
truck caught fire.

Yeah, and what made
matters worse is that the sheriff

was shot by a man who
worked for the skipper's father.

And then Colt had to become the sheriff,
and I became the deputy.

That was until I got the skip,
and then we were about to leave town.

And then we had to go back
and save the town because

the little girl got sick
from the polluted lake.

It wasn't easy saving the town.

The survivalist almost did Howie in.

Yeah, thank heaven Harvey had stolen that
quarter six years ago.

Do you know how many lives he saved?

And after everything was over, the
man who shot the sheriff was re -arrested.

But we only made it to the courthouse with
five minutes to spare.

Yeah, five minutes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now, tell me what really happened.