05x08 - Escape Claus

[bunniefuu]

I don't know how they just don't end up as
mine It's a death defying life I lead I

take my chances I die for living in the
movies and TV What I do is watch my

leading ladies Kiss some other guy while
I'm bandaging my knee I've

never spent much time in
school But I taught ladies

plenty It's true I hire my
body Hey, what are you doing?

I'm getting dressed.

Yeah, I can see that.

I mean, here, at the police station.

I was arrested, I'm afraid.

You?

Hey, there's Mickey, talking to that guy
in the red suit.

Stupid fool.

He had to know we'd come after him.

Maybe he figured for two million dollars
he could buy us off.

He can.

For two million dollars.

They're calling me a reindeer napper.

How's that?

Oh, I didn't really nap them.

I just set them free.

You freed reindeer?

Well, they were on display.

Eight of them.

In a shopping center.

They were terrified of all the people and
wouldn't eat.

How do you know for sure he's got the key
on him?

He had it when he went in.

Why do you think he left it in jail?

I thought he was a good guy.

I don't know.

I took the key and I drove them to the
mountain where they belonged.

And they put you in jail for that?

Yes!

Ironic, isn't it?

You're one of a kind, pal.

You know that?

Yeah, I suppose I am.

Who's the fat guy in the red suit?

What are you, blind?

That's Santa Claus.

Could be a set up.

For what?

That medidas?

You think that's a good shot?

Well, not good enough.

The night before Christmas?

Come on, take a look at the guy.

He's harmless.

I'd love to stay and talk some more,
but I have to get back to work.

This is my busiest time of year,
you know.

Oh, right.

I'll walk with you.

Oh, sure I'm not taking you out of your
way?

No, no.

Besides, I haven't had anyone to talk to
for a long time.

Oh, in that case, I'd enjoy the company.

Okay.

I wait.

What would you do when you're not sitting
in jail?

Oh, I do odd jobs at the orphanage down on
East Third, where I live.

Of course, that could be all over now.

Yeah, why's that?

Money.

You see, the lease has expired,
the building's to be sold, and the

orphanage needs $25,000 to buy the option
by December the 25th.

Or else, you'll be spending Christmas in
the street.

Oh, well, good hearts will always find a
way.

Orphanage, huh?

You know, Chris, I'm an orphan.

Well, at least I, uh, I don't know who my
parents are.

Oh, no.

Make sure the kids get the money.

You idiot!

I was gonna fire a warning shot.

Where

in the hell is the cave?

Santa Claus.

Last

week's rain, we can look forward to
another sizzler in the Southland today.

This is one hot Christmas vacation.

Record highs again in the inland valleys
with no let-up in sight.

So try and keep cool, everybody.

Feliz Navidad.

Howie, give me your finger.

Okay, that's gonna look great.

Oh, don't you just love Christmas?

The decorations, the food, the spirit of
giving everywhere.

Oh, yeah, that spirit sent me back a small
fortune this year.

Yeah, but that's the whole point.

You gave until you could give no more,
and that's what it's all about.

Well, I hope my creditors are as
enthusiastic as you are.

With the holidays and no work,
I could be in trouble come January.

Yeah, not to mention the bill for your
truck.

Yeah, if it ever gets out of the shop.

Yeah, well, at least they gave you a loan
card for the holidays.

Such as it is.

You know what I wish?

What?

I wish we could have a white Christmas.

That's one thing I really missed growing
up out here.

Snow?

In L.A., in the middle of a heat wave?

Well, it's just a wish, but it sure would
be nice.

You expecting anybody?

No.

It's gotta be Pearl.

Tell her we're not here.

You're not Colt Seavers.

Give the man a cigar.

Don't smoke.

I'm Colt Seavers.

What do you want?

Come on.

Just like Pearl described you.

Big dumb stuntman type.

Friend of Pearl's.

Friend has taken it a bit too far.

More cantankerous woman I have never
known.

What?

We are in the same business.

You're a bail bondsman?

Edmund Trench.

You bust them, we bond them.

And you bring them back when they skip.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We're not interested.

That's not what Pearl tells me.

She says you charge all your credit cards
beyond their limit... and you work hard.

What?

You were there yesterday looking for a
job.

I wasn't.

Admit it, Seavers.

Your flat broke.

You spent all your money on Christmas
presents.

Very foolish.

Colt is very generous.

Very stupid, if you ask me.

However, I'm ready to make
you... two thousand dollars richer.

Two thousand dollars, huh?

Who's the skimp?

The ice cream man?

Better than that, Seavers.

And of course, it's Santa Claus.

$5,000 is my going rate.

I wouldn't pay you $5,000 to bring in Moby
d*ck.

p*ssy's good.

$2,000.

My final absolute non-negotiable offer.

I'm very serious when it comes to money.

Get that picture?

Santa Claus.

Good job, Virgil.

Sweetheart, I want you to be really
careful with the dishes, all right?

Okay.

Good.

You're doing a really good job.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, wait.

You know what?

Why don't we go and get the Christmas tree
ornaments we made?

Thank you, Santa Claus.

Oh, you're welcome, sweetheart.

Hey, Santa Claus.

He's just an old man with a stupid face.

That's not impressive.

He is not.

Leon.

Don't listen to him, Chris.

Oh, but I do.

And I hear the voice of an angry heart.

Yeah, well, you'll be pretty
angry, too, if you're going

to be living on the streets
again in a couple of days.

Now, you listen to me, sweetheart.

You are not going to be living on the
streets.

The state orphanage agreed to house us
until we can make other arrangements.

That's worse than the streets.

I'm not going to live in that place.

Well, why don't you live in that old
station wagon you've been visiting?

How do you know about that?

Oh, a little elf told me.

It was your father's car, wasn't it?

It must bring back a lot of happy
memories.

I wish I could live in it.

You can't live in a car, Leon.

Well, I wouldn't give up hope on staying
here just yet.

Chris, they've already given us notice.

We have to be out of here by six o'clock
on Christmas Eve.

Unless we get the money.

But we ain't gonna get the money.

What if you were wrong, Leon?

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Keep dreaming, old man.

You guys are a sweet pair.

We were supposed to have this thing
handled over a week ago.

We've got all the bases covered,
Max.

We've had a guy staking out that bus
station since day one.

If he comes near the place, we got him.

He's bound to try that key sooner or
later, Max.

Sooner or later?

You've already put me a week behind on
this.

Well, we can't nail him if he doesn't make
his move.

Yeah, well, I couldn't wait around any
longer.

So I bought myself a copy of his arrest
report.

His name's Chris Winter.

Works over at Corman's department store.

Why don't you just drop by and wish him a
merry Christmas?

Okay, I see what I can do.

h*, h*, merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Oh, maybe we ought to come back later.

Look, I don't like doing this any more
than you do.

The sooner we get it over with, the sooner
we can start enjoying our own holidays.

How can we enjoy Christmas after we leave
Santa Claus in jail?

Jody, we can't look at it like that.

These kids will.

Well, you're not making this any easier.

Come on.

Hey, mister, no cuts!

Uh, Chris Winter?

Yes.

Uh, my name's Colt Severs.

This is Howard Munson.

Jody, thanks.

Oh, pleasure.

What do you want for Christmas?

I'm afraid you don't understand.

You see, we're officers of the court.

We have to place you in custody.

Really?

And they sent you out to pick me up?

Well, I'm flattered, of course, but
they shouldn't have gone to the trouble.

I told them I'd come in right after
Christmas.

Yeah, but they wanted you a week ago.

Now, if you'll just come along with us,
we won't have to put you in handcuffs.

Oh, well, that's very good of you.

I'm afraid that's all for now,
children.

Come back again.

Mister, please don't take Santa away.

Believe me, I wish I didn't have to.

Now, now, now.

None of that.

Mr. Severs only doing his job.

Very well, too, I might say.

There's no need to cry.

It's Christmas.

You sent her a nice big smile.

Yeah, that's better.

All right, friend, let's go.

Why don't you take care of the rest of the
kids?

I'll wait.

Oh, thank you very much.

Don't go, children.

Santa's coming back.

Yeah!

We can't take him here now with all these
kids.

So we wait for him.

You what?

You say you're officers of the court.

Does that mean you work for the state?

Not exactly.

We're private contractors or bounty
hunters.

You mean to say there's a price on my
head?

Sort of.

Remember, we need him alive.

Is my picture up in the post office?

Not yet.

Hold it, Santa.

Cough up the key.

Hey, wait a minute.

We

just want to stop him.

Get me a clean shot.

I'll do what I can.

The

light's changing.

Look out!

The light!

Did you see the way that light changed?

Yeah, I saw it.

Must have been a short in the timing.

Boy, were we lucky.

Lucky?

That was just short of a miracle.

Yes, it was, wasn't it?

Something tells me this is the key to the
children's salvation.

So that's why those guys are after you.

They want that key.

Not to mention the fact that Chris was the
only witness to the sh**ting.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what it
feels like.

You know what it is?

It's a locker key.

Locker 721 at the Red Globe bus terminal.

Well, how can you tell?

This logo and this number.

Red Globe 721.

How ingenious.

All we have to do is to go open it up and
the children can have their Christmas wish.

Well, I hate to tell you, it's not going
to be that easy.

Why not?

I have the key.

Yeah, but Chris, there's a lot to
untangle.

You just witnessed a
sh**ting and I'm sure the police

are going to be very interested
in what's in that locker.

It's still my responsibility to take you
in.

Oh, but you don't understand.

I can't be in jail just now.

I mean, it's almost Christmas Eve.

I have a lot to do to get ready.

And besides, I must honor Mickey's last
request.

He was quite specific.

He said, make sure the children get the
money.

I promise to report to the authorities
right after Christmas.

I believe you, but it just doesn't work
that way.

I'm sorry.

Well, I suppose you have to do what you
must.

But so do I.

That tread separated.

The guy said these were new tires.

Typical loan car.

Come on, Jody, help me with this bear,
will you?

Sorry to have to do this, Chris,
but I can't hold your hand right now.

Oh, I don't mind.

Thank you for not abusing them in front of
the children, though.

Well, I think maybe Chris is taking his
red suit a little too seriously.

What, you mean he thinks he really is
Santa Claus?

Yeah.

Of course, I guess that's better than if
he thought he was Attila the Hun.

Well, I don't know.

Now that you mention it, there is
something sort of magical about him.

Gold, he's gone!

Somehow he got the key to the handcuffs.

It was on my key ring a minute ago.

He must have fallen off.

Well, it shouldn't be too hard to find the
old man.

Sooner or later, he's bound to turn up at
that locker.

Well, the orphanage is only a couple of
blocks from here.

I've

been holding on.

It's lovely.

We're going to have a wonderful Christmas.

Chris had just spent 45 minutes on the
phone with the landlord's attorney.

It got to the point
where I was just begging

him to let us stay, and
still he wouldn't budge.

I pity the man that has no charity at
Christmas time.

But you mustn't give up all hope just yet.

We still have till 6 o'clock tomorrow.

It would take a miracle.

Oh, I wouldn't rule out that possibility.

Do you have something up your sleeve?

Well, I'm not quite sure, but I have a
very good feeling.

I've met some wonderful people, and
they're going to help us get the money.

And here they are now.

Hello, I'm Jean Strait.

Please come in.

Hello, Colt Seavers.

My friends Jody and Howie.

Hi.

That was naughty of you, Chris,
to give us a slip like that.

Well, you certainly had no difficulty
finding me.

You say that like you wanted us to.

I must confess, I knew you'd come here
sooner or later.

I wanted you to meet Jean.

And unfortunately, the children aren't
here just now.

Thank you so much, Mr. Seavers.

Any help you could give us would mean so
much to the children.

Unfortunately, we have a job to do.

You know, Colt, it wouldn't take much to
just stop and see what's in that locker.

Kid, it's none of our business.

Yeah, but if there's anything we can do to
help these kids...

Come on, whose side are you on?

Well, I'm just saying that it is
practically on our way.

Yeah, well, we'll see what we can do,
okay?

Come on, guys.

Hey, Doug.

Hey, Guy.

Have you seen anything?

No, it's been quiet around here.

In fact, it's been kind of boring.

Maybe up till now.

There they are.

Just tell me one thing, Chris.

How did you get the key to those
handcuffs?

Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets.

Here it is, 721.

Let's take them.

Wait till they got the bonds.

What's in it?

I don't know.

It's locked.

It's none of your business anyway.

Hand it over.

But Mickey bequeathed this to the
children.

I said hand it over.

Get Chris out of here.

Reach block.

Wish we had some of Santa's reindeer.

It's gonna be real close.

Hang on.

You're gonna jump it?

That's my speedometer was off.

Excellent driving, Colt.

Right.

I hope Colt's getting us another car,
because I can't figure out what's wrong.

But, uh, what's the trouble?

I don't know.

The jump must have knocked something
loose.

It sounded expensive.

Isn't it always?

If people loan Colt this car, they're
gonna be furious.

Ah, you know Colt.

He'll smooth it over.

Well, he should have come back already.

Check this out.

Oh.

What are they?

Well, they're negotiable bonds.

They're payable to the bearer.

This stuff's as good as money.

Well, looks like a merry Christmas after
all.

Oh, not so fast.

We gotta give those bonds to the police.

With you.

Maybe you can put a claim in on them.

But the orphanage needs the money now.

Yeah, but you've gotta keep it legal.

These bonds could be stolen.

In fact, they probably are stolen.

The police have to investigate.

How long may that take?

You're gonna have to wait and see if they
make another claim.

It could be as much as six months.

Oh, I'm sorry, Chris.

I wish it was another way.

It's so unfair to the children.

I agree, but you're always right.

We've gotta do this legal.

I suppose.

Come on, High.

Give me a hand with this.

Maybe you can figure it out.

You check the fuel line?

I did that already.

It's okay.

It's not bad.

How about the valve on the carburetor?

It's clear.

It looks like the distributor's broken.

Okay.

This car will never run.

Uh, Chris, do us a favor and stay put,
will you?

Oh, all right.

Well, how about that?

The car runs great.

With no key?

You must have hot-wired it.

Four seconds.

Well, have you got a better explanation?

Right now, I don't even have a car.

Jody, how are we gonna explain this to
Colt?

Worse than that, how's Colt gonna explain
it to the owner?

So, bottom line is, you racked up your
car, lost Santa, the bounty hunter,

and the bonds.

A matter of speaking.

Guys get more and more worthless every
time I turn around.

I should have known better than to trust
this thing to you two.

Sorry, Max.

Sorry, Max?

That's it?

You let $2 million in bare negotiable
bonds slip right through your fingers,

and that's all I get as a sorry,
Max?

You see if you can get this right.

You put the word out in all the right
places.

I want those bonds.

And whoever's got them.

If anybody tries to deal in those bonds,
they're dead meat.

Do you think you can handle that?

Now, get out of my sight!

Mom, it

ain't no miracle.

No man here must have stepped in the
middle of someone's big score.

This stuff is probably so high,
they'll give you blisters.

I believe it has come into our hands to
help us.

Right, and I believe in a tooth fairy.

Look, you want to turn these suckers over
for cash?

I know a dude down on 7th and Main who
fences everything for 50 cents on the dollar.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I wouldn't deal with such a person.

All right, this is the situation.

We have to turn the bonds over to the
police.

What?

This is our home.

Gotta do something or else we'll be stuck
away in a state orphanage forever.

Yeah, we'll be stuck here forever.

A state orphanage.

Hey, you know those people that you said
were going to help us?

Mm-hmm.

Well, they're here.

Uh, uh, I can't give those people what
they want till after Christmas.

So it's very important they don't see me
right now.

We'll hide you, Santa.

Yes, yes, well, I think that's probably a
very good idea.

Hi.

Hello.

Uh, can we come in?

Uh... Shh.

Where's Chris?

We'd like to talk to him.

Uh, he's not here right now.

Well, come on, son.

I took a car from my friends here and he
drove it over here.

It's still parked outside.

Um, he was here.

I don't know where he went.

Huh.

Here comes what's known as an
underwhelming personality.

What are you doing here?

Protecting my investment.

Where's my skip?

Well, he's not here right now.

I'm paying you $2,000 to
stand there and tell me what

I can get from one of
these little rugrats for free?

How come you want Santa?

Because he ran out on his bail.

And I'm gonna put him in jail until he
rots.

Hey, you can't do that.

No.

Mr. Seavers.

This is Trench.

He's not with us.

Mr. Trench?

Skip it.

Where's Chris Wenner?

Well, he was here a moment ago.

Children?

He's gone.

He left.

You don't know?

Uh, well, the next time I see him,
I'll ask him to contact you.

I'd appreciate that.

That's it?

You'd appreciate a call from the skip?

Oh, you guys are good.

Excuse me?

Now, somebody tell me what's going on.

Oh, I think I can explain.

I asked the children to hide me.

Hide you?

It's just until after Christmas.

Then again, maybe not.

Seavers, put the cuffs on that man.

I'm sorry, Chris.

Come on.

The bonds are gone.

They're gone?

Yeah, and I can't find Leon anywhere.

He must have taken them.

No, he wouldn't steal them.

No.

But he would try to cash them in.

He said he knew a man at 7th and Main.

Oh, that's a terrible part of town.

We better get down there.

Come on.

You clowns aren't going anywhere.

It'll close here as in the county can.

If you want to cash him in, you take him.

It's not my job.

We're going after that kid.

Now, you want him?

It's yours.

If not, he comes with us.

I'm coming with you.

Man, I've been here half an hour already.

I told you, kid.

The man's on the way with the money.

I don't keep the kind of cash you're
looking for around here.

Where's the rest of these bonds?

What do you think, I'm stupid?

I want to see the money first.

I told you.

I called the guy.

Well, call him again.

I don't like to wait around.

Whatever you say, kid.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Leon...

What are you guys doing here?

Looking for you, Leon.

There's a lot of people worried about you.

Well, you tell them from me, I've got
everything under control.

Look.

I can't keep him here much longer.

I don't want to hear about it.

My associates will be there any minute.

You make sure the kid's there,
too.

Just give me a little room to operate,
okay?

There are laws we must obey.

Hey, we're closed.

I'm calling the cops.

Throw them all in the slammer.

Hold it.

Get out of my way.

On the floor, everybody.

Flat on your faces.

Where are the bonds?

Okay, kid, where are the bonds?

I hid them in a safe spot.

All right.

We're going to take the kid and the girl.

Come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

Right now.

I can think of one place the boy might
have those bonds.

Where?

Well, Leon was always tinkering with an
old car.

The car had been his father's.

It's at an old abandoned house.

Not far from here.

He lived there before his parents passed
away.

Where?

What makes you think he'd have the bonds
there?

Oh, that car was very special to him.

Sort of rather like a sanctuary.

Sounds good to me, Colt.

Sounds like all we got.

What about him?

You and I are going to take a little ride
downtown.

I'll meet you at the house.

Come on.

Let's go.

Okay?

I never should have tried to help.

It's a sucker's game.

Well, that wasn't the problem,
Leon.

Oh, no?

Look around.

You tried to do the right thing.

You tried to help your friends.

You just kind of went about it the wrong
way.

Yeah.

Well, from where I'm sitting, it really
doesn't make any difference.

Those guys are going to cancel our tickets
as soon as they get the bonds.

Oh, no, they won't.

They're not even going to get the chance.

What makes you say that?

My friends.

Right now, I know that they're doing
everything they can to help me.

And you, too.

Take it easy with my car, will you?

Especially since you already racked up
yours.

Don't worry.

This is ridiculous, you know.

Charging around like the cavalry.

You could have had your skip in and been
done with it.

It just don't figure.

It does if you have a little heart.

Unfortunately, you seem to be lacking in
that department.

Oh, Howie.

You underestimate Mr. Trench.

I'm sure he has a great deal of power.

No, I don't.

And I'm proud of it.

Take it easy, huh?

Yeah, right.

Friends, guardian angels.

I guess you believe in Santa Claus,
too.

I believe in Colton Howie.

I believe that they're not going to let me
down.

That sounds really nice.

But I tell you, I'd rather be in their
place than ours.

I wouldn't.

Right now, that guy is twice as scared as
you are.

Even though he's got a g*n.

You know why?

He doesn't have anybody he can trust.

What is she talking about back there?

It's just that.

Just a lot of talk.

And you?

You telling me you aren't scared?

Oh, sure I am.

Well, part of me is.

But that's the part that forgets I have
friends.

Shut up back there!

Get him.

Here.

They're here.

Terrific.

Well, let's get out of here.

Take care of business.

Where's your guardian angels now?

Well, let's go.

Close, maybe.

But just in time.

That

guy was going to sh**t me.

But you made him fire at you.

I guess I did.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, I guess it was.

Thanks, Winston.

I guess you're welcome.

Well done, Howie.

Uh, yeah, thanks.

Look, uh, Chris, I've been thinking about
these last couple of days.

Yes, we've all had a lot to think about,
haven't we?

Yeah, starting with that flat tire.

And then somehow you got the hand cuff
off.

And then we followed you to the orphanage
and you got us to agree to help.

And I'm so grateful to you.

It just seems like you knew in advance how
everything was going to turn out.

Howie, you don't believe in Santa Claus,
do you?

... ...

... ... Christmas.

You can expect a low of 78 tonight and get
this a high of 95 for Christmas Day.

Well, I'll be at the beach.

I'm sorry I couldn't let you have those
bonds, but they were stolen.

Please don't apologize.

You did the right thing.

Maybe at some point down the line I'll be
able to get the children back together.

Man, don't think like that.

Something will turn up.

You just gotta have faith in your friends.

Right, Jody?

Right.

You'll see.

That's the spirit, Leon.

Oh, Jody, you're not gonna believe this.

We got a reward for returning the bonds.

Under the circumstances, I had to make the
check out to the orphanage.

Hey, that's great.

I can't believe that.

See, what did I tell you?

We're saved.

Now, just a minute before we get all
excited here.

I want to tell you how grateful I am for
everything you've done, but unfortunately,

this check is for $20,000 and we still
need $5,000 more.

You know, I could kick in our fee.

It's another $2,000.

Well, not enough.

Yes, it is.

I'll make up the difference.

I think I'm beginning to enjoy the way
this Christmas spirit feels.

I don't believe it.

I don't either.

I told you you underestimated the size of
Mr. Trench's heart, Howie.

You leave my heart out of it.

This check is an advance against future
skips, Seavers.

Thank you so much, Mr. Trench.

You're welcome.

Colt, Jody, Howie, as you've been so kind
to my friends, would you allow Santa to

grant you your own very special Christmas
wishes?

What do you want?

The truck's been acting up.

I guess we could use a new truck.

Granted.

Jody?

Gosh.

You know, I guess the only thing missing
this Christmas is snow.

Yeah, snow.

I'd really like a white Christmas.

In Los Angeles?

At Christmas?

How about the Hollywood Hills?

I see what I can do.

Howie?

A Christmas wish.

Sure.

Snow's good for me, too.

A double order of snow.

Fine.

And now, Mr. Trench, I have to ask a small
favor of you.

What's that?

A few days grace before returning to
custody.

As you can imagine, I have a great deal of
work to do.

I just said goodbye to $3,000.

Letting you go is going to be easy.

Well, I must be on my way.

I have to get ready for the big night.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Merry Christmas, Santa!

It got cold fast.

Well, it's about time.

It was beginning to feel more like the
Fourth of July than Christmas.

What happened?

Did we forget to pay the heat bill on this
place?

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Jody.

Hey, Cole, check out this big green box.

You shouldn't have.

I didn't.

It was here when I got up.

Don't look at me.

I had nothing to do with it.

Is it ticking?

No, no.

I checked it out.

Oh, by the way, I spoke to Trench.

He said the police decided to drop the
reindeer napping charges against Chris.

They got them all back.

Send them to a game preserve in Northern
California.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, that's great.

Let's see what it is.

Look at that.

It's a coat.

Very good boy.

Merry Christmas from Santa Claus.

That's my new truck.

Oh, that old character.

He must have snuck in here last night and
left it.

Well, you got your wish.

At least that's one wish our Santa was
able to do something about.

That's great.

Maybe not the only one.

Look!

I got my wish!

I got my Christmas wish!

You gotta be kidding.

Ah!

.