02x01 - Here We Woe Again

[bunniefuu]

[Wednesday] It's been
an eventful summer.

♪ Raindrops on roses ♪

[dark cover of "My
Favorite Things" plays]

♪ And whiskers on kittens ♪

[Wednesday] I'm tied up in
a serial k*ller's basement.

Who said nightmares
don't come true?

♪ Bright copper kettles ♪

♪ And warm woolen mittens ♪

[Wednesday] He's under the
delusion that I'm his next victim.

♪ Brown paper packages
Tied up with strings ♪

I'll let him cherish that notion
while I explain my predicament.

♪ These are a few of
my favorite things ♪

[Wednesday] I spent my vacation
mastering my psychic ability.

All the answers were in
Goody's book of spells.

[whispering softly]

With my ability
now under control,

I set my sights on an obsession
I've had since I was six years old.

[school bell rings]

[young Wednesday] Before
dying, victim number 11

described the suspect.

[Wednesday] The
Kansas City Scalper,

America's most
elusive serial k*ller.

…blood everywhere.

To psychically locate him,

all I needed was an object
from one of his crime scenes.

[mischievous music playing]

[Wednesday] The
Scalper's 11th victim

dropped her prized bowling
ball when she was snatched.

[distorted audio whooshes]

[animals yipping, yowling]

[Wednesday] With the Scalper
finally in my crosshairs,

I had one final harrowing
obstacle to overcome.

[PA system chimes]

[announcer] Welcome
to Newark Airport.

Random screening searches are
a requirement at this airport.

American Airlines flight AA8272 to
Kansas City is now boarding at gate 43.

[alarm blaring]

Anything else on your person?

I need a wand on this one.

Arms.

[wand beeping rapidly]

[sighs huffily]

[announcer] Attention
all passengers…

Which part of "prohibited items"
don't you understand, young lady?

The part where you believe

cramming hundreds of people into a
metal tube flying through the air

creates some sort of utopia
where weapons aren't needed.

Can we get a bag check?

Yeah.

I'm headed to the Junior Embalmers
Convention in Kansas City.

It's a prosthetic hand.

Yeah, that's not the problem.

You care to explain this?

Curious.

[tersely] I have no idea
how that ended up there.

This is over 3.4 ounces,
which means it's a big no-no.

I'd appreciate it if you
didn't waste our time.

Sun cream? Seriously?

[dog barks]

[idly whistling]

Are your serial k*ller
services listed online too?

[foreboding music builds]

[distorted audio whooshes]

[breathing heavily]

[eerie music playing]

I made you a gift.

[gasps]

[chuckles]

It's how I remember all my…

Special guests.

Let me show you some
of my own handiwork.

[doll creaking]

[muffled yelling]

[Scalper yelling, struggling]

-[flesh crunches]
-[screaming]

[groans, grunts]

-[blows landing]
-[Scalper grunting]

[silencing blow lands]

What?

It's nothing. Just a
minor psychic glitch.

You're not to breathe a word of
this to anyone, you understand?

Especially my mother.

Now.

[wheezing]

Let's play dolls.

[screaming]

[jauntily macabre music playing]

[music trails off]

["Un Mundo Raro" by
Chavela Vargas playing]

[intricate, vibrant
music continues]

[Vargas singing
soulfully in Spanish]

I'm not finding anything
related to black tears.

[Thing tapping]

Like I said, it's just a glitch.

[Morticia] Darling,
Lurch has packed the car.

We must be off.

You don't want to be late
for the first day of school.

I was hoping to spend more
time with you this summer.

I feel like I've
barely seen you.

Writers should refill their creative
cups before they begin again.

So I indulged in my favorite
passions, torment and humiliation.

-When do I get to read your novel?
-[dramatic sting]

[Wednesday] When
the sun explodes

and the earth is consumed
in a molten apocalypse.

Soon, Mother. Soon.

Chop-chop.

Remember where
your loyalty lies.

[Chavela Vargas continues
singing in Spanish]

[quirky, elegant music playing]

[Gomez] That's my boy.

You and your Uncle Fester
with the same ability.

You're a chip off the
old executioner's block.

Stick your finger in enough
sockets, you learn a thing or two.

It's so weird that
it skipped you, Dad.

Being an Outcast isn't
about what you can do.

It's a state of mind.

You need to work on your aim.

Pugsley has always
struggled with his aim.

From potty training to his
first grenade launcher.

[Gomez chuckles]

Lurch can attest to that.
Can't you, old chap?

[projectile whistling]

[Lurch grouses]

I'm just glad to see you taking
an interest in your brother.

I'm keeping a mental list of how
his ability can serve my needs.

That's the spirit,
my little b*mb it a.

There is no "we" in family.

Only an "I."

[Wednesday] There's a stop sign.

Hit the O, dead center.

I'm not sure I can.

If you don't, I'll be
forced to hit eject.

[scoffs] Only Dad's
button can do that.

I had Thing rewire it.

[grunts]

[parents chuckling]

-[horn honks]
-[brakes screech]

[screams]

[parents continue chuckling]

[muffled pop music playing]

["Kiss Me" by Sixpence None
the Richer playing on radio]

♪ Down by the broken treehouse ♪

♪ Swing me upon
its hanging tire ♪

♪ Bring… Bring… Bring
your flowered hat ♪

[shutter snapping]

[woman] Oh, come here!

[excited giggling]

[crow caws]

[eerie music playing]

[caws]

[caws]

[crow caws]

[caws menacingly]

[m*rder of crows
caw persistently]

They're onto me.

If I don't make it, the
evidence is safe at the bullpen.

[cawing]

[screaming]

[ominous music intensifying]

[gloomy, imposing music playing]

[imposing music swells]

[Morticia] Mmm.

Wait.

This is the first time you've ever
willingly returned to a school.

-How does it feel?
-Like returning to the scene of the crime.

I already know where
the bodies are buried.

No more uncontrolled chaos.

I will bend this
place to my will.

Be careful, dear.

Control is often an illusion.

Like I let your father believe
he's in charge of this family.

Do you think I'll actually
make a friend here?

[Gomez] You'll make
lots of friends.

These are our people.

Poor Pugsley.

Your father and I will
get him settled in.

Promise me… you will take
care of your brother.

I always do.

[crying]

[cheekily grim music playing]

[music halts]

Here are the ground rules.

No eye contact
without permission.

Bullying assistance requests must
be submitted through writing.

And Thing reports to me.

Understand?

[Gomez chuckling]

[Gomez] Ooh!

Creamies!

[student 1] Wednesday!

-There she is!
-Right there, in black!

Can I get your autograph?

I only sign my name in blood.

I would expect nothing less.

I never said it
was my own blood.

[excited titter]

You are done here.

Shoo.

That was disturbing.

You better get used to it.

You're a big deal after the whole saving
the school from the demon pilgrim thing.

Why does anyone still care?

You're not much of a
clout chaser, are you?

Popularity doesn't play
by the laws of physics.

The harder you repel it,
the harder it comes for you.

[man] Wednesday Addams!

[excitedly] Oh, oh, oh, oh!

It is an honor to meet
the savior of Nevermore.

Allow me to introduce myself.

Barry Dort, your new principal.

Um…

Would you like a sticker?

Only if you have one that
says "do not resuscitate."

[chortling]

There's that wicked
tongue I've heard about.

I love it.

I am reinstating the
Founder's Pyre ceremony.

It's an old Outcast tradition.

Big bonfire. Tomorrow night.

And the best part is, I want
you to be our student of honor.

I'd rather be
burned at the stake.

Aw! Please consider it. I want
us to be allies in this struggle.

What struggle?

Returning Nevermore
to its glory days.

I hate to speak ill of the dead,

but in this case,
Weems really fudged up.

I don't like to speak
ill of the dead either.

It's much more fun to
demonize the living.

-[eccentric music playing]
-[shocked laughter]

[student] Yes!

[muffled clattering, clamoring]

We need to set better
traps out here.

["Um Oh Ah Yeh" by
Mamamoo playing]

[students clamoring playfully]

[peppy pop music playing]

-Howdy, roomie.
-Enid.

All right! Everyone out.
Thanks for the help.

[chatter and music subside]

-[student 1] Come on.
-[student 2] Told ya!

Don't put too much
pressure on it.

No pressure. Right. Got it.

Catch up with you later
at the lupin cages?

-With the others.
-Absolutely, Bruno.

Can't wait.

[exhales]

How was your vacay?

Because I had the
best summer ever,

and I've been dying to
tell you all about it.

I'm sure I'll want to k*ll
you after you tell me, so…

We both win.

Well, I'll spare you
the details, but…

I did get you a gift at
Lupinpalooza in Golden Gate Park.

Don't worry. It's not a snood.

Get it? Like Beowulf?

I thought you'd love
the literary reference.

Nothing like a bad pun to throw
dirt on the coffin of epic poetry.

I got you a gift as well.
From my summer travels.

[somber music playing]

[Enid, shakily] Uh… Oh.

Thank you.

I mean, it is a little creepy,
but, um, the curls are super soft.

It's made from real human hair.

Hmm.

I just have so many
goals this year.

[sighs] I wanna secure
my place in the pack,

become dance troupe captain, and
finally join the Nightshades.

What about you?

Avoid people and work on my
new Viper de la Muerte novel.

Doesn't sound like much
of a personal evolution.

I don't evolve. I cocoon.

Speaking of your novel, was
that publisher interested?

I call it death by
a thousand notes.

Ooh…

This one here just
looks like a typo.

It's not. That's the Old English
spelling for dismemberment.

This novel was two
years of my life.

They'll have to pry it out of my cold,
dead hands before I change a single word.

[knocking at door]

That better not be any more
brattish autograph hounds.

Tell me about it. We seriously
need to set some boundaries.

Let's post hours to sign
stuff in the student lounge.

Hi, Wednesday. How
was your summer?

I scalped a serial k*ller.

Huh.

Is, uh… Is Enid around?

She left earlier with the pack.

I threatened to neuter them
if they didn't get out.

Well, would you mind
giving her this?

[sighs] Thanks for covering.

I know the only thing you hate more
than color is relationship drama.

Machiavelli once said that friendship is
watching a person's slow drip of miseries

and feeling honored to be present
for their most dismal moments.

Does that mean…

In 25 words or less. Go.

I'm not sure how I feel
about Ajax anymore.

He's sweet and cute,

but he's still in love with
the old me, and I've changed.

Hey, look at that.
Exactly 25 words.

Talk to him and
get it over with.

If I do that, then it'll be
like an arrow through his...

[Enid yelps]

Holy crap!

[suspenseful music playing]

"Welcome back, Wednesday.
I'm still watching."

-Wait. You have a stalker?
-Don't be jealous.

[distorted audio whooshes]

I didn't see the stalker.

You've got a little something.

It's nothing.

[gasping]

Caliban Hall.

My old stomping ground.

[laughing]

Hi, Pugsley. I'm...

Ah!

Electricity. Cool.

And you must be Janet.

Wednesday told us all about you.

[Gomez] Caliban. I put that up.

Sue and I weren't sure we wanted
Eugene to come back to Nevermore.

But he insisted.

I did help save the school.

[gasps] I remember that day.

What was it like getting
gutted by a Hyde?

I still wake up
screaming sometimes.

Whoa.

That's… awesome!

[Janet] Why don't we
give the boys some space?

Lurch will be up
with your things.

And we'll see you downstairs.

Remember, boys,

the friends you make here will
be your brothers for life.

You'll k*ll for each other,

and provide alibis.

-[Eugene chuckles weakly]
-Hmm.

[overwhelmed exhale]

What's with the bugs?

[Eugene] At first, I
could only control bees,

but lately I've been able to
control other insects too.

Watch this.

They're so… juicy.

Perfect for late-night munchies.

They're pets, not snacks.

Maybe after we unpack,
we could hang out?

Actually, I'm meeting
up with some other guys.

I could tag along.

They're kind of new-ish friends.

I don't mind. It's not
like I have any old ones.

I owe your sister a lot, which is
why I agreed to be your roommate.

Let's just see how this
pans out first, okay?

Yeah. Sure.

[knocking at door]

Yo, bee boy!

-Oh, you've grown.
-Ajax. What are you doing here?

I'm your new resident advisor.

-If you have any questions...
-Can you stone me with your snakes?

That's not gonna happen.

Are you and Enid still together?
Or she finally come to her senses?

Do you two have any
dorm-related questions?

Okay. Well, welcome to Caliban.
It's going to be a great year.

[student 1] That's her.

-[squeals] I can't believe it.
-[student 2] My God.

I liked it better when
I was feared and hated.

Principal Dort, have you met
our little angel of death?

Yep. I'm sure Wednesday would enjoy
having you around more this year.

What do you mean, around more?

Principal Dort just asked me to
chair the Gala Fundraising Committee.

[Dort] Vincent Thorpe
chaired the last three years,

but after Xavier was
falsely accused of m*rder,

he pulled his son and his
endowment from Nevermore.

Xavier's not coming
back this year?

He's heading to Reichenbach
Academy in Switzerland.

I spent the summer there
as an exchange student.

I remember, darling. It was
the longest summer of my life.

[Gomez] Oh…

I realize I've ambushed you.

No, I usually enjoy
a good ambush.

Especially when it
involves daggers.

[Morticia snickers, coos]

Why don't you think
about it overnight?

Tish and I will discuss
it on the ride home.

Actually, I… I was hoping
to keep you a little closer.

I thought the gardener's cottage
was reserved for faculty.

Marilyn Thornhill
lived here last year,

but thanks to Wednesday,

she is now enjoying
much tighter quarters,

in prison.

Not pine box tight,
but a girl can dream.

It's yours for the night.

And if you decide to
become our gala chair,

consider this your
home away from home.

I'll wait outside.

[Morticia gasps]

Who decorated this place?

A homicidal maniac.

Now, you shouldn't
cast aspersions, dear.

Not all homicidal maniacs
have such ghastly taste.

Nothing your putrefying touch
couldn't fix, Cara Bella.

Hey, Dad, I found some old
mousetraps under the sink.

-You want a snack?
-Yeah.

Why would you want to
be in charge of a gala?

Well, I wasn't expecting
things to change so quickly.

Pugsley shot up like
poison oak this summer,

and now that you're
both at Nevermore,

I have been wondering what
my next chapter might be.

The thought of you and Father
in the house alone unsupervised

fills me with a sense of dread I
usually reserve for costumed mascots.

But I won't consider this if
it makes you uncomfortable.

I was born
uncomfortable, Mother.

I know it's been
hard… with Goody gone,

and no one from our bloodline reaching
out to be your new spirit guide.

But if I was here,

I could be of assistance.

Temporarily, of course,

until a new guide
presents themselves.

You're a Dove, I'm a Raven.

We're on different paths.
You said so yourself.

I've had experience with Ravens.

Are you talking
about your sister?

You've never been very
forthcoming about Aunt Ophelia.

You remind me a lot of her.

Especially as
you've gotten older.

You don't need to
worry about me, Mother.

You should be
focused on Pugsley.

We both know being tall and
male will only get him so far.

Besides, he's got the
brains of a dung beetle

and the ambition of
a French bureaucrat.

-[door squeaks open]
-What is it, querida?

[door closes]

Wednesday is hiding
things from me.

I will not let
history repeat itself.

[somber, thoughtful
music playing]

I can handle my mother.

I'm not asking for her help
because I don't need it.

I don't need yours either.

Keep your nosy fingers
out of my business.

[siren wailing in distance]

[siren halts]

[chilling music playing]

[officer] The victim's Carl
Bradbury, local private investigator.

Real sleaze.

Witnesses are Greg Mulligan
and Debbie Prizeman.

Greg's the manager of the Piggly Wiggly
and Debbie's one of his cashiers.

So Bradbury was out here catching our
supermarket sweethearts in a tryst,

when he got attacked by a
squad of kamikaze crows.

[officer] This is a
first, even for Jericho.

[Santiago] Get the body to the
morgue before he gets ripe.

Wednesday, can I help you?

Just admiring the view.

Sheriff Santiago.

I promise to be better
than my predecessor.

That's an exceptionally low bar.

[scoffs]

[car doors slamming]

[engine turning over]

[tires skidding]

[tense, frantic music playing]

[grunts, groans]

Ow…

Galpin? What are you doing here?

The victim was a friend
of mine. Carl Bradbury.

We were working a case together,
and that's what got him k*lled.

I play cello, not violin.

Bradbury stumbled onto something.
Said it could affect Outcasts.

-We're starting to scratch the surface.
-You care about Outcasts now?

My son is an Outcast.

Yeah, I know what
he's done, but…

Ms. Thornhill, she turned
him into a monster.

Tyler was always a monster.

She just unlocked that in him.
People don't change. Look at you.

You're still a
broken, deluded man

who can't hide behind
his tin badge anymore.

Badge never stopped you, did it?

I could use your help getting
to the bottom of this.

You didn't just wind up at that
crime scene by accident, Addams.

You were drawn to it
like a moth to a flame.

It's a shame your psychological insight
couldn't help you save your own son.

[tense music warbling]

If you change your
mind, you come find me.

[crow caws overhead]

Just remember… the birds
are always watching.

[caws menacingly]

Tonight, you're gonna hear
the tale of the Skull Tree.

It's Caliban Hall tradition to tell
this story on the first night of school.

[thunder crashes]

[Ajax] There once was a brilliant
boy with a fragile heart.

He spent his days in bed,

drawing all the incredible machines
he planned to build someday.

[delicate, mournful
music playing]

Now the doctors, they only
gave him months to live.

So he decided to
design his own heart.

So that his body could keep
up with his dazzling mind.

[beating steadily]

[beating halts]

The operation was successful.

But the clockwork heart
had changed the boy.

He became cold,

and driven by ambition.

When he arrived at Nevermore,

he was hailed as the greatest
mind to ever walk the halls.

[electricity crackles]

But his inventions
became more dangerous.

Until one night…

His genius cost him his life.

Now, legend has it,

his body is buried at the
foot of the Skull Tree

in an unmarked grave.

But if you put your ear to
the skull's hollow left eye…

[tick echoing]

…you can still hear
his clockwork heart.

Tick,

tick,

tick.

Only the bravest in Caliban
Hall have ventured out at night

to take the dare to listen to
the tick of the clockwork heart.

So will you?

[music fades out]

[door opens]

[door closes]

Miss Barclay, thanks
for making the time.

What a wonderful first
day it's been, hasn't it?

Oh, it's so nice to see this place
brimming with Outcast energy.

Our most famous
alumni would be proud.

I've been watching you.

How you interacted
with your peers.

You know, charisma
is something that…

Well, it can't be
learned. It's a gift.

And you positively ooze it.

I'm guessing you have some political
aspirations in your future?

I like the idea of creating
real change for Outcasts.

Well, what if I told you

that you can start
creating that change today?

As the fundraising
gala's student liaison.

We really need to heat things up
if we're going to hit our target.

And you have the sizzle
factor I've been looking for.

Uh…

Wow. I'm honored.

But I'm not sure I have time
to take on something like that.

I'm really sorry.

Me too.

I mean, you are a
scholarship student, right?

The school is in a
financial pickle,

and if we don't meet
our fundraising goals,

I may be forced to let some of
the scholarship students go.

I know how people
feel about sirens.

But I don't share that view.

No Outcast should be
limited or shamed.

Is that why you're asking me?

Because I'm a siren?

Using your powers of persuasion for
a good cause should be applauded.

I'm sure you agree.

We all want what's
best for Nevermore.

So why don't you take another
look at that schedule of yours,

and see if you can
squeeze this in?

You can give me your
decision tomorrow.

Thing!

What are you doing out here?

Wednesday yelled at you?

[sighs] Man, the sudden popularity
is really getting to her.

I think some people just
aren't built for fame.

And when you're stressed,

relatives can be the
easiest punching bags.

Or in your case, sparring glove.

I know how it feels to
think you don't belong.

But you do.

You know what you need?

A place you can call your own.
And I've got the perfect spot.

[imposing organ music playing]

Home sweet home, Thing.

Welcome to the pack.

[all howling]

[Enid chuckles]

[eccentric, elegant
music playing]

[performing "Montagues and Capulets"
from Prokofiev's "Romeo and Juliet"]

[music halts abruptly]

[woman] Prokofiev
can do that to you.

Miss Capri, the
new head of music.

Is this the same Isadora Capri

who completed her first classical
album Wolf Howl at the age of ten?

I didn't realize I
had any fans left.

I've always been fascinated
by child prodigies.

The focus, the talent, the
unrelenting quest for excellence.

Luckily, I was able to break
free before it suffocated me.

I thought teaching was the
purview for those who can't.

Well, I was inspired by
a group of young people

who saved their school in the
face of overwhelming odds.

I decided it was time to give
back to my own community.

We have our work cut out for us.

-My hand's a little stiff.
-No, your hand wasn't the problem.

Your pain was the only thing that
made your performance interesting.

Did you know Prokofiev
was a chess master?

That's why his concertos
are so… deceptively cunning.

He wants you to feel… the notes,

not anticipate them.

I'm not looking for lessons.

I play for my own fulfillment.

And yet music doesn't
seem to fulfill you.

Stop trying to control it.

You have to succumb to
its… beautiful chaos.

I cause chaos. I
don't succumb to it.

[tense, jittery music warbling]

[dramatic music playing]

[Morticia] There hasn't been a
Pyre since my days at Nevermore.

Yes! It's a marvel what these
DaVinci students can build.

They have more creativity
in their right pinkies

than I have in my entire body.

This thing's gonna work, right?

Mmm, Outcast can-do! Love it!

This is why tradition
is so important.

It instills pride
in our children.

Principal Weems was all about
fitting into the Normie world.

No disrespect. I know
you two were old friends.

[Morticia] Hmm.

[Dort] Now, the Addams
family is a prime example

of Outcasts who don't
bend to Normie culture.

And that is a testament
to you, Mrs. Addams.

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Have you made your decision
about chairing the gala yet?

I'm… still pondering.

I want to do what's best for
Nevermore, but also for my family.

I understand. That
is a lot to balance.

Which is why you would have a
liaison student to assist you.

And I am on the hunt
for that perfect person.

-Look no further. She's here.
-[gasps, chuckles]

Mrs. Addams, Bianca Barclay,
one of our best and brightest.

It would be an honor to work
with a Nevermore legend.

Oh, Bianca.

Come to the pyre tonight, see
what we're trying to build here.

Then decide if you
want to be involved.

From Xavier.

"I tried texting, but I guess
you lost the phone I gave you."

-You have a phone?
-I dropped it in the bath.

[menacing, grandiose
music playing]

[music halts]

"Consider this my goodbye gift."

"The image suddenly
flashed in my head."

"Don't ask me how I know or what it means,
but it's connected to you, I'm sure."

"Who's Wednesday Addams without a
mystery to solve, right? Xavier."

A creepy crow on a headstone.

-What's it mean?
-[Wednesday] No idea.

Thing and I are headed to the
Founder's Pyre. You joining?

Have you been using my
typewriter without permission?

[bell dings]

"Read any good books lately?"

My novel.

It's gone.

"Higher, higher, higher,
I am demon of the fire,

and each blazing
roof's my pyre!"

My stalker's going to burn my
manuscript at the Founder's Pyre.

That's not your
only copy, right?

Seriously? Copy machines aren't
even 21st-century technology.

I'm not going to allow two years
of my life to go up in flames.

[upbeat dance music playing]

The stalker is here. Be on the
lookout for anyone watching us.

Who isn't watching us?

-Enid!
-Enid!

Hey! Stay on track. I
need to check the pyre.

You go on the other side.

Hey! Once the bonfire's lit, I'm
sneaking off to the Skull Tree

to go dig up that dead kid.

Who's coming?

Sorry. Tonight's my big night.

Dort's going to recognize me
for helping save the school.

Thing, keep your fingers peeled.
The stalker's playing a game.

"If you don't want your
novel to go up in smoke,

meet me under the pyre."

"P.S. I found a few more typos."

Wednesday, what are you doing?

Hey! Enid.

Ajax. Hi.

What's going on? Hey, you kind
of ghosted me this summer.

I texted a bunch. I left a
crazy number of voice mails.

Ah… Sorry. My bad.

Wolf Camp was
strictly device-free.

I was unplugged for a whole month. Can
you believe it? I think I have PTSD.

We've been back two days.

It kind of feels like
you've been avoiding me.

Uh, well, I've been
busy with the pack,

and you have your RA thing.

Plus I've got the Wednesday
factor, and she never disappoints.

Hey, Enid. I saved you
a spot at the front.

Thanks, Bruno. But I'm kind of in
the middle of something right now.

Wednesday!

Wednesday!

Wednesday!

[mic feedback whines]

Good evening, Nevermore.

-Whoo!
-[audience cheering]

Good evening, and welcome
to the Founder's Pyre.

Tonight, we're going to start by
singing the Nevermore Alma mater.

[Gomez sputtering in excitement]

[playing melodic piano line]

♪ Nevermore, forever dreaming ♪

♪ Years of study,
fun and screaming ♪

♪ Outcast bonds
forged in trust ♪

♪ While all others
turn to dust ♪

♪ DaVinci, Siren,
Faceless, Gorgon ♪

♪ Never forget your
Outcast origin ♪

♪ Ravens feast on all our woes ♪

♪ In the home of
Edgar Allan Poe ♪

♪ At Nevermore ♪

[all cheering]

["Dancing in the Dark" by
Bruce Springsteen playing]

Whoo!

♪ I get up in the evening ♪

-[mic whines]
-[grunts]

♪ And I ain't got
nothing to say ♪

♪ I come home in the morning ♪

-[mic whines]
-[Dort chuckles]

Hello, fellow Outcasts!

And welcome back to Nevermore.

I'm your Principal, Barry Dort…

[crowd falls silent]

[song continuing
through silence]

…and tonight we
celebrate a new era.

Yeah!

[crowd cheering]

Now, I know change can be scary,

but you don't have to be afraid.

You know why?

Because we are Outcast strong!

Yes, we are!

♪ You can't start a
fire without a spark ♪

[Enid] Wednesday!

You gotta get out of here. They're
gonna light this thing any second.

[suspenseful music building]

[Dort] All right.
Now, from now on,

I am abolishing the Nightshades
and all secret societies.

[confused muttering]

The protection of our
school falls upon all of us.

Therefore, we are
all Nightshades.

Yeah.

[stilted applause]

Now, in the words of that great
American Outcast, Bruce Springsteen…

You can't start a fire

without a spark!

[crowd cheering]

[Enid] Wednesday!

Wednesday! I'm getting help!

Yes.

[pyre caws]

[all exclaiming]

-[student] Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo!

[all cheering]

[whoops]

[Enid] We need to
put out the bonfire!

Principal Dort! Wednesday
is trapped under the pyre.

[Dort] Don't panic.

Here she is, right on cue!

Our student of honor,
Wednesday Addams!

None of us would be here
today without your bravery.

[Enid sniffing]

Wednesday, would you help me
unveil something very special?

I had this commissioned
to commemorate

how you and your ragtag group of
Nevermore buddies saved our school!

[crowd cheering]

[satisfied laugh]

Could you give us a few
words of inspiration

to launch us into the new era?

[crowd chanting]
Wednesday! Wednesday!

Wednesday! Wednesday!

[chanting continues]

[crowd falls quiet]

Tonight…

[student] Yeah!

…Is our banquet of discontent.

And we shall gladly feast on
those who would subdue us.

Our fight is just beginning.

And I'm ripping the Band-Aid
off the scab of civility,

and will not cease until our
enemies have been vanquished!

And by enemies,

I mean any imbecile
stupid enough to cheer on

some shallow, rabble-rousing
diatribe like that.

-[confused muttering]
-[student] What?

You thought I was
your hero? I'm not.

I always play dirty,
and I never fight fair.

The only side I'm on is my own,

and the only place I'll
lead you is off a cliff.

So do not put me on a pedestal,

because I will burn it down.

[feedback whines]

[crowd gasping]

[Enid] What the
hell are you doing?

-I never agreed to this.
-So you're going to torpedo it for us?

You're my best friend, but
can you be less Wednesday?

This is supposed to
be our best year ever!

Damn it!

[eerie, unsettling
music playing]

[faint ticking]

-[bat shrieks]
-[yelps]

[jolting stinger]

[frantic, distressing
music playing]

[chuckling]

[zombie huffing]

[Enid] Hey, stop!

Wednesday, will you wait up?

[disorienting stinger]

[audio distortions whoosh]

[cawing]

[Enid] This is all
your fault, Wednesday.

This is all your fault.

I died because of you.

I died because of you!

[gasps deeply]

Wednesday!

[jauntily macabre
outro music playing]