05x03 - Beard Boys

[bunniefuu]

Steve, my career as a leading

molecular biologist seems far away.

Yeah, but I'm not.

Damn, you're smooth. Whoa.

We gotta get us one of those. You mean

like a testicular biologist?No, dill

hole, a beard. We don't

score 'cause chicks don't think we're

manly enough. Oh yeah. What if

we had, like, a fake ID?No way,

Beavis. A beard is better.

It looks cool. You know, like ZZ

Top. Oh yeah. Cool.

So how do we get one?Uh.. It's supposed

to grow in, I guess. Uh oh...

Oh, damn it. Hey,

buddy. Was this stuff ever cool?

Uh.. I think this might have been cool

when we were, like, five years old.

Oh, yeah. I think my mom used to, like,

sing this song, like, as a lullaby when I

was going to sleep.

Really?Yep.

Whoa. These chicks look like

real slutsYeah, yeahLike, I think these

chicks are really slutsYeah, see?

SlutSlut

SlutYou know

what else?It's like, these chicks are all

like sophomores. Yeah, that's

cool.

Hey, Beavis, I just got an idea.

They should have a show, you know, like

cops. Only they should call it sluts

And they just, like, follow these sluts

around with a camera. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

They could have, like, sluts in Houston

and then, like, sluts in Phoenix, you know

Just like cops. That's a really good

idea, bud. Yeah.

This guy keeps going, I want a woman. But

it's like, I want a woman too, but I'm

not out there singing some crappy song

about it. Yeah, it's like, so he wants a

woman. So what?So does everybody.

I do like the sluts though. Yeah. That's

cool.

Hey, budded, how's my beard look?Uh,

almost there, dude.

How's it look now?Yeah.

Maybe we're supposed to, like, put water

on it.

How about now?Damn it, Beavis, it's not

working. This sucks. We'll never

score without beards. Uh, well, there's

something we could do. Yeah, spank our

monkeys?No, dumbass

Just leave it to me.

Beards rule.

Damn, you're smooth.

Ow! That hurt! Hold still, asswipe

Just don't mess up my hair, bunghole

Don't worry, dude. I'm making you look

cool.

Whoa! I'm, like, even more cool-looking

than normal. Yeah. Okay,

dude. It's beard time.

Uh.. Words... Uh..

Words...

Uh.. It says use on wood.

Yeah. Glue is cool.

Uh, okay. Now get the hair

eye cut off. Oh

yeah. Oh yeah.

Here we go. A little bit there.

Some over there.

Whoa! You look old.

Cool. Get up, asswipeIt's my

turn. Okay.

Like, uh, this one hurt a bit or

something.

Check it out, dude. I'm so smooth, I got

a beard on my hands. Yeah.

These chicks must not like dudes or

something. Relax, Beavis.

It's like they say, when you're going to

walk the walk, you got to talk

to.

What's that supposed to mean?We got to

hit on the chicks, Asmunch. Otherwise,

they'll think we're like all looks.

Hey, baby.

Yeah. Hey, baby.

Check out my hands. Yeah.

Damn, we're smooth.

Wanna, like, stroke my beard?

Yeah. Stroke it. We're

gonna call the cops if y'all don't leave

us alone. That

sucked. Yeah.

Whoa. Check out those chicks over there.

Uh.. Hey, baby.

Hey, baby. Yeah.

What's that crap all over you?Uh..

It's like our beards. Yeah.

Damn, we're smooth. Those aren't beards.

You just glued some hair on your faces.

Don't you know that beards went out in,

like, the '80s?Uh, look, do your

chicks want to make out or do you just

want to play games?Why don't

you boys lose the beards, cut back on the

w*nk*ng and try us again in, like, 10

years?YES!

Um, hey buddy, how'd they know we've been

whacking?

Hey, that's too close, back off. Yeah.

Hey buddy. Mmhmm.

You think these guys are European. You

know, European, I'm a bean, everybody's a

beast. It's like, we got enough crap

over here in this country?Why do we need

to go to Europe to get more?

Yeah, Yeah really, that's a good point. I

mean, you know, I wanna watch something

that's like a piece of crap. It's like,

um, you know, I'll just watch it right

here, you knowYou know what I'm saying?

Quit trying to act like you're smart,

Vivas.

DumbassHey,

buddy. Ace of bass sucks.

This isn't Ace of Bass, Beavis. Oh man, I

know. I just felt like saying Ace of Bass

sucks. I mean, these guys suck too, but

you know, like, Ace of Bass. Ooh, they

suck. Ohh

Like, in this video, there's really,

like, nothing going on. It's like, they

might as well just, like, play the song

on the radio. Yeah, then you can just,

like, turn the radio off. Oh

yeah, then it'd be even better.

It felt like just a chick and the music,

you knowThat That part would you know be

all right.

Hurry up, dude. We gotta look good for

those chicks in 10 years. Yeah,

beards went out in the 80s. Yeah.

I know it's in here somewhere. Okay, like

hold still and like don't move.

Here we

go. You half-wife.

Whoa, you look really cool now.

Damn, you're smooth.

Yeah, yeah

You hear that chicks flying all over each

other?Yeah. YeahFight, fight! Whoa.

It's like, it starts out pretty cool, and

it's like, it starts rocking more and

more. Watch, watch, here it comes. Okay.

Yeah, it's right here,

it's right here, here it comes. Uh, I

get the point.

Will you shut up so I can hear it?

So, my fortune. So, my fortune.

Um, hey, what's a fortune?Uh,

I think that's like one of those beds

that, like, folds into a couch. Oh, yeah,

yeah, those things, man. So, like, um..

How come he sold it?Because he probably

got like a big bed so he didn't need it

anymore. Oh yeah, then he got tired of

like people like just crashing in his

house and sleeping on it. So he sold it,

and it's like he wrote a cool song about

it. Sold my fault, John.

Yeah. And then he had a bunch of fights

happen in the video. Yeah, Yeah come on,

you want to do something about it?You

think you're bad?Come on, let's go. I

don't think there's anybody on TV that

you could kick a*s on, except for like

maybe Urkel. I don't know, bud.

Urkle's pretty big now. He's like 6'7 or

something.