01x05 - This Tourist Has ba*ls

[bunniefuu]

(host) (i)Say goodbye to
your old-fashioned toilet,(/i)

(i)and say hello to luxury.(/i)

Introducing the Luxos MT.

The world's most
advanced luxury commode.

(clapping, cheering)

It's gonna change the way
you think about the bathroom.

- Am I right, Cindy?
- That's right.

(host) It heats, it
cleans, it deodorizes.

It comes standard with Luxos's
triple tornado flush system,

and it's smart home compatible.

And here to tell us more about
it is Luxos brand ambassador

and three-time NBA
All-Star, Nick Brandes.

(cheering)

- This audience.
- (Cindy chuckles)

- (audience member) I love you, Nick!
- (kisses) I love you too.

- Thank you, Cindy. Jim, my man.
- (chuckles) Of course. Please.

(Nick) It's a
pleasure to be here.

(Cindy) You're an NBA champion,
you are rich, you are handsome,

(i)everybody loves you...(/i)

(i)I'm sorry. Is there
a question in there?(/i)

(i)'Cause so far, I can't
argue with any of that.(/i)

(Nick, audience laugh)

(Cindy) You have a string
of successful businesses.

Just tell us, why toilets?

- Oh, instead of sneakers or tequila?
- Exactly.

Because they've
been done before.

(i)See, I always say,(/i)

(i)"Why be late to the party,
when you can throw your own?"(/i)

- (control room operator) Go.
- ("Fast (Motion)" plays)

- Oh, speaking of party.
- (Cindy chuckles)

- Is that coming from there?
- It is. (chuckles)

That's right. It's coming from
the built-in Bluetooth speakers.

- (Jim) Oh, no!
- (Cindy) Oh, can you do it?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

(Cindy) Show me what you got.

- Oh!
- (audience clapping, cheering)

No, she... No, she didn't!

(Nick) (i)So, bottom line, the Luxos
MT is gonna change the game.(/i)

Sitting on one of these
is like a little vacation

you can book for yourself
every day. (chuckles)

- Nick Brandes, everybody!
- (audience cheering, clapping)

Hey.

- Uh, what... what are you doing here?
- (Cindy speaking indistinctly)

I really love toilets.

- Okay, I'm working.
- I know. Look, I just...

The party. It was a lot.
I acted like an as*h*le.

Yeah, no argument here.

Hey.

- I'm so sorry.
- (scoffs)

That's the last time
I throw you a party.

I appreciate you trying
to take care of me,

even if sometimes I-I don't
know what to do with it.

(sighs) Well, I can't
say you didn't warn me.

No, you can't.

Look, uh, I know this, us,
we shouldn't have happened.

Or, at least, not
the way it happened.

- I'm sure you have your regrets.
- Nick, I...

No. No, no, no, no. I feel them.

Believe me, I wish it had gone
down differently, but, uh,

just because it didn't start
right, doesn't mean it isn't right.

This is real for me, Mel.

I just wish you didn't feel
like you have to try so hard.

That's what happens when you fall
to the second round of the Draft.

You spend the rest of your career
and life trying to make up for it.

You don't have to
do that with me.

(Nick sighs)

Do you have, like,
a... a dressing room?

Yeah. A-A nice one.

Show me.

("Fast (Motion)" plays)

(both panting, moaning)

(moans)

(cheering)

(Lu) What am I looking at?

I know it looks like somebody
wiping off their brushes,

but this is a Lichtenstein.

I know who Lichtenstein
is, you (i)barom(/i).

What I meant is why am I
looking at a bad photo of it?

- 'Cause I wanna steal it.
- I don't mess with art.

- Neither do you.
- Come on.

Jewelry and watches
can only get me so far.

A score like this, way more
upside for the exact same risk.

Score? Who are you, James
Caan all of a sudden?

I'm sure you know
someone that can move it.

- Rocco, what's my policy on paintings?
- (Rocco) No paintings!

(Lu) These art guys,
they're a different breed.

I'm telling you.
They're savages.

The last time this
sold at auction

it went for over
one million dollars.

That was seven years ago.

I've already been inside
the house where it is.

I steal it, I replace it with a
forgery, nobody knows the difference.

- Easy.
- How do you know it isn't already a fake?

Because the guy that owns it probably
bought it from Larry Gagosian personally.

He's an insecure narcissist whose entire
self-worth is wrapped up in what he owns.

(sighs) He doesn't care
that it's beautiful,

he cares that it's real.

I know the type.

Come on. I'll toss you
an extra ten percent.

You don't have to lift a finger.
I just need the introduction.

I will have to lift a finger, and
for that I'll take an extra 20.

And if it goes sideways,
I don't know you.

But you have to hear me. Now, you
do this, you do it the way I say.

(i)Pikk pakk.(/i) No improvising.

- Yeah, I hear you.
- Say it.

- (i)Pikk pakk.(/i)
- Smart-a*s.

No improvising.

Okay. Get out of my store.

I'll let you know when it's set.

- (Coop) Rocco.
- (door buzzes)

- So, it looks like we hit a shale shelf.
- (drilling)

And what does that mean?

(exclaims) Means my guys are gonna have
to spend a few weeks breaking it up,

pulling it out.

Well, can't you
just dig around it?

Yeah, sure.

If you wanna move your entire
house 100 feet that way.

I'm kidding.

But I can't dig a foundation into
solid rock. We gotta pull it out.

(worker) Hey, Phil, where
do you want this loader?

- Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.
- So, just... Phil,

so, how much is that gonna cost?

Well, I can't give you an exact
figure until we start demolition,

see how far down the shelf goes.

It's gonna be heavy machinery.
Possibly some blasting.

You're gonna blow
up my backyard?

Well, not me. I'm gonna
bring in some specialists.

Ballpark, Phil?

Just... how f*cked are we?

Two hundred grand. Give or take.

Okay.

Okay, maybe we should just
press pause, you know?

Get a surveyor out, we
check in with the architect.

- We should maybe do that...
- (Grace) No.

Hey, that... that...
that's your call.

But if we stop work, I gotta move
my guys to the next project in line.

That won't be necessary, Phil. E-mail
us the quote, we'll work it out.

- Will do.
- (Grace sighs)

(sighs)

("Small Worlds" plays)

(song stops)

- (chuckles) Hey.
- (chuckles)

- I didn't see you.
- Surprise.

(song continues)

I love this song.

(song stops)

(school bell rings)

(sighs) Where you headed?

- Chemistry.
- (chuckles)

Forget chemistry.

You're coming with me.

(both moan, exclaim)

- Yeah, f*ck me harder. Harder.
- (pants)

Your f*cking d*ck is so big.

- (gasps) f*ck! Harder, harder, harder.
- (grunts)

I'm gonna come! I'm coming!

- (grunting)
- (gasping, exclaiming)

Yeah!

(both breathing heavily)

(sighs)

(Samantha) It's Henry's
birthday on Saturday.

Oh, right. What
is he, almost six?

Five.

(Coop) Yeah, well, that's a
fun age. Is he having a party?

(Samantha) I'm taking him
to Boston to see my parents.

Nice. When will you be back?

I'm not sure.

Um... Think I need to get away
from everything for just a bit.

Well, when you get back, if you want,
we could maybe go down to the city,

check in some place, get away
from everything together.

(Samantha) It's fine. We
don't have to do that.

I mean, I know we don't have to do
that, we don't have to do any of this.

(Samantha) That's true.

And I'm thinking
maybe we shouldn't.

- (sighs)
- What are you talking about?

I think maybe we've taken
this as far as it goes.

Let's not ride it until
the wheels come off.

I like you, Coop. A lot.

Maybe too much.

The things is, I don't always
like myself when I'm with you.

Hey, hey.

Sam, look, I know I've been... (sighs)
...a bit preoccupied the last few days...

You're not ready for anything
real. At least not with me.

And I just can't be some wayward
bachelor's midlife fling forever.

That is not what I think of you.

Come on, Coop. I'm giving
you a guilt-free out.

(inhales sharply) Just take it.

Kind of sounds like I
don't have much choice.

Wrong again.

Sam...

- (Ali) Hey.
- Oh.

A little afternoon
delight with Sam, huh?

(sighs) Yeah. I'm afraid it
might be the swan song for that.

Aw, that's too bad.

(beer bottle opens)

- (Coop sighs)
- Right?

- I mean, it's fine.
- Okay. Cool.

Well, I will not miss
the play-by-play.

(chuckles)

- Oh, my God. Ooh! Right there.
- Okay.

- Can we talk...
- That's the spot.

- f*ck yeah!
- ...about something else?

(imitates Samantha moaning)

(laughs) Fine, what do
you wanna talk about?

- Anything else. How's your new gig?
- It's good.

I mean, it's really good actually.
They offered me a regular slot.

Four nights a week at The Tap,
prime time, poster in the window.

- I mean, the whole shebang.
- That's amazing.

I'm so proud of you.
Congratulations.

- Thanks.
- Wow, now one of us actually has a job.

(laughs)

Well, for a guy who has no job,
you, um, you sure are busy.

I feel like... I feel like I have this
place all to myself, like, every day.

- Yeah, well, not today, baby.
- (musical sting plays, on television)

TCM beckons.

(i)I wanna report a m*rder.(/i)

- (Ali) Okay. Excellent.
- (i)Sit down.(/i)

Can we watch something that
was made after I was born?

(movie character
speaks indistinctly)

No.

- (detective) (i)Who was m*rder*d?(/i)
(i)- I was.(/i)

{\an8}("We Make Hits" plays)

(speaks indistinctly)

(teenager chuckling)

- (sniffing)
- (teenagers chuckling)

(speaks indistinctly)

- (sniffs)
- (chuckles) Yeah.

- (sniffs)
- (teenagers chuckling)

(classmate) Look up.

It's only been a year.

You're still in the
grief phase, you know?

Imagining they'll
get back together,

and everything will be
like how it used to be.

Once you let go of that little fantasy,
you'll see divorce has its upsides.

Like what?

With two parents,
you're outnumbered,

but with one, it's way easier
to slip under the radar.

But the real trick is playing them
off each other to get what you want.

(chuckles) I used to do that
when they were still married.

There's more to you than
meets the eye, Hunter Cooper.

God, I hope so.

- (pounding on door)
- (adult) Who's in there?

- sh*t.
- (adult) Unlock this door immediately.

(principal) Skipping class and trespassing
are cause for concern as it is, but...

Okay, trespassing? Come on.

You make it sound like he had
ski mask and a bolt cutter.

He was messing around
backstage with his friends.

I'm afraid this goes
way beyond that.

Hunter was distributing
drugs to his peers.

- Excuse me?
- What?

They were snorting his
Adderall in the dressing room.

Mayfield has a zero-tolerance policy
when it comes to drug dealing on campus.

I cannot turn a blind eye.

I'm afraid Hunter
will be expelled.

- One... Just-Just Just a second. Please.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. (chuckles)

Look. Our son is not
a drug dealer, okay?

He has ADHD.

Now, do teenagers
make bad decisions?

Yes, it's baked into their DNA.

But he's never gotten
in trouble before.

He deserves a second chance.

Mr. Cooper, this isn't the
first meeting we've had

about Hunter's
behavior this year.

- The absences, the missed assignments...
- What are you talking about?

- What is she...
- Coop...

You had meetings without me?

They were in your calendar.

Why wouldn't you have called me and told
me what was going on in these meetings?

Okay. Not now, please.

I understand the position
our son has put you in.

I see troubled kids
every day in my practice.

I always try to consider the
mitigating circumstances.

Maybe these older kids pressured him
into sharing his prescription, right?

He wanted to impress them.

He wasn't selling drugs,
he was trying to fit in.

- But he will be punished.
- (chuckles)

We will personally guarantee nothing
like this ever happens again.

I'm afraid my hands are tied.

(scoffs)

Okay. Leila, I saw the big
thermometer downstairs in the hallway.

This year's fundraiser for
the new athletic center?

You're short.

How much is it gonna take
to put you over the top?

- Mrs. Cooper.
- (Mel) No. Hunter's a good kid.

You know it. We know it.

And the school has
needs. Everybody wins.

So, come on.

What's the going rate for
turning a blind eye these days?

$240,000, Mel?

- Jesus Christ.
- (Mel shushes)

Look, our son was
about to get kicked out

of one of the best
schools in New York State,

and that would have k*lled his chances
of getting into a decent college.

And you know something? I didn't
see you doing anything to fix it.

We could have reasoned with her.
We could have appealed to her.

My God, she's only
known us forever.

She called him a drug dealer.

And you rewarded her with a
quarter-million-dollar pledge.

Sorry. I really thought she
was gonna say, like, 20 or 30.

Maybe lead with that. Instead
of with a blank check.

Hey, guess what? You're
the big hedge fund guy.

Why didn't you negotiate?

Because when you negotiate,
you need leverage.

Leverage is what you immediately
gave away when you opened your mouth.

"What is the going rate for
turning a blind eye?" My God.

You know what? Are you done?

'Cause I've already got one
child to deal with today.

You!

So you're suspended.

And grounded.

- Forever.
- Mom...

And it'd be really smart if
you don't talk right now.

Bowie, huh? I didn't
know you were into him.

He's all right.

Wow.

Read the room, Coop. It's not
the time to play the cool dad.

Good luck, buddy.

(in Korean) Girls,
bow to Grandmother.

Mom...

Smooth travels?

Yes.

(Barney, in English) It's nice
to see you again, (i)eomeoni(/i).

- Barney.
- Mmm.

(in Korean) So, he still
doesn't speak Korean?

He's learning.

Slowly.

- (in English) Mr. Park, welcome.
- (Grace sighs) Girls...

How are your parents, Barney?

Uh, the same, sir.

Do you still drink scotch?

Oh, from time to time.

This one is for
special occasion.

Forty-year-old Cantrell Gold.

Uh, thank you, sir.

(Grace, in Korean) Dad...

So, everything's been good?

Yes.

(in English) Girls...

(in Korean) You need to bow.

You got so big.

(in English) Okay, girls, do you wanna
show (i)halmeoni(/i) and (i)harabeoji(/i) the side door?

Sorry about the mess.

Construction's moving a little
slower than we expected.

So, what do you think?

I don't know. I mean, it's...

Stuff like this, it seems
like it's more provocative

than meaningful,
in any real way.

Who's gonna care about this
stuff five years from now, right?

But I'm no expert.

There are no wrong answers.

That's the beauty of art.

Yeah.

Who told you that?

When I was little, my aunt was a docent
at the Bellapart in Santo Domingo.

I used to spend the summers
with her, watch her give tours.

Hmm.

Hey, are you sure
you wanna do this?

Do what?

Any of it. All of it.

Are you trying to cut
me out of this already?

- No, no. Not at all.
- Then what?

Well, I'm just saying,
if we get caught,

I can talk my way out
of it, I can lawyer up.

What happens when
you get caught?

- I don't need you to protect me.
- Well, good.

'Cause I'd probably be
pretty shitty at it.

But aren't you putting
kind of everything at risk?

What am I putting at risk?

What do you think I
actually have to lose?

Okay, partner.

What about this thing?

It's a lot to take in, isn't it?

The artist was once an
altar boy in Düsseldorf.

Likely molested.

Definitely a prick.

(chuckles)

I'm Christian Tómasson. I'm
the owner of the place...

- Oh! Of course. Nice to meet you.
- ...for better or worse.

- I believe we have a mutual friend?
- I believe you're correct.

Well, I have to say, she
described you perfectly.

- Is that so?
- Yeah. (chuckles)

- And who's your date?
- Uh, his partner.

Pleasure to meet you.

(i)Enchanté(/i).

Partner?

- Excellent.
- (Elena chuckles)

I saw you looking at this piece.

(Elena) Yes, it's... (inhales
sharply) ...provocative.

Yes. Most of this sh*t is.

But is it actually any good?

That feels like
a trick question.

(cackles) Come with me.

- Let's talk art.
- (Elena chuckles)

This piece was
difficult to acquire.

Especially on such short notice.

You mean, someone already
had this sitting around?

Well, I have a l*sbian in Bushwick
who sources all my pop abstracts.

- Impressive.
- Is she the one looking at us now?

(chuckles)

It is as close to
perfect as it can be.

Hmm.

The Magna acrylic paint Lichtenstein
used is nearly impossible to source.

Most modern day acrylic
paint is water-soluble,

but the Magna was
miscible with turpentine.

Golden Artists Colors comes closest
to Magna's high gloss finish,

but it's not an exact match.

It will hold up to scrutiny,
but not chemical analysis.

Oh, it won't be analyzed.

How can you be sure?

You know your job, I know mine.

(chuckles) You've never
done this before, have you?

- I'm a quick study.
- You're a tourist.

Tourists make me nervous.

And yet, here you are.

Yes, I am here.

Lu believes in you,
and I believe in Lu.

But I'm still not
convinced you can deliver.

Well, the fact that you called
your l*sbian in Bushwick

makes me think that you
think I can deliver.

Okay, so, we swap out the fake, bring
you the original, and then what?

Oh, after I authenticate the piece,
I have two buyers interested.

One crypto bro who wants to
move into tangible assets,

and the other, his
former employer.

It's deliciously messy.

I expect the bidding
to be heated.

That sounds promising.

What the hell?

I have decided to
like you. (chuckles)

I appreciate it.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some psychedelics to
procure for some clients.

(Coop) Oh.

Have fun.

(in Korean) We just
received the pool tile.

It's gorgeous,
handmade in Portugal.

Barney picked it out.

It will be beautiful
when it's done, honey.

But we're concerned
about the girls.

All the noise and dust,
strange men coming in and out.

It's only for a few more months.

Mother and I discussed it.

You will stay at our apartment in
the city until the work is finished.

I appreciate the offer.

But I think moving would be
disruptive for the girls.

More disruptive than
living in all this mess?

He should have
rented another house.

We just want you and the
children to be comfortable.

We're perfectly comfortable.

(scoffs)

Comfortable? This
is comfortable?

Dining in the sun room?

(in English) Why don't
I get us some whiskey?

(chair scrapes)

(sighing)

(bottles clinking)

(whiskey pouring)

Ah, (i)eomeoni.(/i) Um, did-did
you need anything?

Grace tells me you're having
some financial challenges.

- I'd like to help.
- Oh, that's... that's not necessary.

(chuckles) I'll feel better,
knowing she didn't have to worry.

I don't know what Grace told you,
but there's nothing to worry about.

I'm just trying to encourage
some financial responsibility.

Um...

One of the hazards of marrying
a wealth manager, I guess.

(chuckles)

My daughter is not a client.

She's your wife.

Don't worry.

This will stay just between us.

I have a personal account I keep
just for these little emergencies.

It's very generous of you, Mrs. Park,
but there is no emergency, so...

You know, you would do so much
better working for Mr. Park.

(chuckles) Yeah.

(chuckles) It's a shame
you don't speak Korean.

Shame he's such a f*cking prick.

(Mel) Hey, Hunter. We still need to
talk about what happened at school.

- Why?
- Because you almost got expelled.

- Does that not concern you?
- Yeah, not really.

Have you seen the Flamin' Hots?

How about something that
won't rot your guts?

I can whip you up a smoothie?

- No, thanks.
- (Mel) Hey.

I just wanna understand
what happened.

I cut class. It's
not that complicated.

But what about the medication?
Were you selling it?

No! W-What? (stammers)

It's understandable for you
to wanna impress your peers.

But Adderall's a serious drug,
you can't just hand it out...

Oh, my God. Can you stop?

Wait a minute.
W-Where're you going?

Hey! I'm not done
talking to you.

(electronic music playing)

- (music stops)
- (mouse clicking)

(music continues)

(music continues
through headphones)

(knocks on door)

Hey. Brought you
a prezzie. (sighs)

(sighs)

So, uh, how's it feel being
Mayfield's main character?

(chuckles)

All the sophomore hotties
sliding into your DMs or what?

Yeah, totally.

(chuckles)

(music plays through laptop)

You make this?

Yeah.

Holy sh*t, Hunter. I think you
might actually have a soul.

(chuckles) f*ck off.

(chuckles)

Ali?

Hey... (chuckles) ...uh,
I didn't know you joined.

Oh, I'm just borrowing Andy's.

He doesn't use it anymore, and it
seemed a shame to let it go to waste.

Sorry, memberships
aren't transferable.

Neither are wives, and yet...

(chuckles) I'll tell you what.

Why don't you take
it for a test drive?

If you decide to sign up, we're running
a friends and family promotion all month.

Thanks, Nick.

I am neither.

(Coop) (i)A reasonable person
might have seen a close call(/i)

(i)with the police and a flesh
wound from a large dog(/i)

(i)as a flashing neon
sign from the universe,(/i)

(i)telling them to find
a new line of work.(/i)

(i)But that wasn't really
an option for me.(/i)

Know what you're doing?

Not particularly.

Your canvas...

All right. Stretch bars
slide together like this.

(grunts)

I use these to
spread the corners...

(automated voice) (i)Backdoor open.(/i)

(beeping)

(Coop) (i)When it comes to American pop
art, Roy Lichtenstein is in a dead heat(/i)

(i)with Jeff Koons as the favorite for buyers
who don't actually give a sh*t about art,(/i)

(i)but regard it as
a sexy investment.(/i)

(i)They're COINS,
Collectors Only In Name.(/i)

(i)This piece here,(/i)
Square(i), from 1983,(/i)

(i)was most likely purchased
as an appreciating asset,(/i)

(i)rather than on its
artistic merit.(/i)

(i)Which is a shame.(/i)

(i)I always kind of liked
Lichtenstein's work.(/i)

(i)Especially the comic
book paintings.(/i)

(i)It was becoming apparent that my expenses
would always find a way to outpace me.(/i)

(i)So a few higher price
scores, like this painting,(/i)

(i)would mean more money
with fewer robberies.(/i)

(i)Higher risk, higher yield.(/i)

(i)Or maybe I was just
starting to like it.(/i)

Yeah, right.

(children chattering
indistinctly)

No, I get to, chicken.

- I am not a chicken.
- Hey, guys.

Can you calm down just a little bit?
We're almost at Grandma and Grandpa's.

(children shouting)

(chuckling) Ding dong!

(Samantha chuckles) Oh, my God.

- Oh, wait... Hey.
- Hey, hon.

- Hey, honey.
- (exclaims, chuckles)

Hey!

I hear it's someone's birthday
tomorrow! You know anything about that?

- He's turning five!
- Really?

We better go see if
we can find some cake.

Look at that table right there.

Oh, there's presents.

(Grandfather speaking
indistinctly)

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah. Just, uh, you
know, long car ride.

Come on, then.

- (child) Dog?
- (Grandfather) Yeah.

- (sighs)
- Ah, hon.

(sighs)

It's good to have you home.

(inhales shakily)

(instructor) That's it!

Okay, activate those
glutes. Squeeze at the top.

I wanna see it. Nice. Good.

Great class, everybody.

- (people clapping)
- (instructor) Don't forget to stretch.

- (Ali strains, pants)
- See you next week.

- Ali?
- (grunts) Oh.

Hey, Bruce.

- (chuckles)
- Uh, what are you doing here?

(pants) Same as everyone else.

(pants) Just trying to turn
my a*s into a lethal weapon.

(chuckles)

I'm not stalking you, if that's
what you're worried about.

No, of course.

I've been staying with Andy.

He had a couple
of visitor passes.

I hope that's not weird.

You look good.

Healthy.

Oh, you mean, uh, not, uh...

(chuckles)

I guess the move's
been good for me.

I've been spending
more time with Andy.

I've actually been
playing some gigs again.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

At the Tap?

It's mostly just drunk
locals talking over my songs.

(grunts) Heavy.

Hey, you're out there
doing your thing,

playing music somewhere
other than my lawn.

(groans) Damn.

You went there.

Honestly, I kinda miss it.

Mmm, I bet you do.

I bet your wife does too.

Or, I don't know, maybe I should
come back and take requests.

(smart watch chimes)

(sighs) Sorry, dad duty.

It's good to see you.

Maybe I'll swing by
the Tap sometime.

(Ali) Okay, cool.

See you in a*s class.

(whispers) What the f*ck?
See you in a*s class?

(scoffs)

(sighs deeply)

Oh, my God, I misjudged
you, my friend.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

This tourist has ba*ls!

Yes! I love it!

- So what happens now?
- Ah... (sighs)

Give me a minute.

- What?
- You look really nice.

That's 'cause you're taking
me to dinner after this.

- Oh.
- (door opens)

Okay, okay.

It'll take my people, uh, a
few hours to authenticate.

But in the meantime,

I see you're dressed
to celebrate.

So let's celebrate!

(club music playing)

(cheering)

(server) Hey!

- (Christian) Whoo-hoo!
- (server) Here we go!

- Thank you.
- (server) Of course!

Right on the table.

(sniffing)

Whoo!

Ah.

Oh! Uh, maybe later.

I find you Ivy League
types love the nose candy.

Yeah.

(chuckles)

Hey, what about you, beautiful?

You in?

Sure.

(sniffing)

(chuckles)

What? We're celebrating, right?

I guess so!

Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

(sniffs, groans)

My goodness.

- (Elena chuckles)
- (Christian) Yeah, good?

- Yes, indeed.
- I think I need to dance.

Sorry.

Quite a place.

(Christian) It's nice, huh?

I love to come here and chill.

Huh.

- (music changes)
- Yeah! I love it!

Hey, so, you and the girl...

Oh! Uh, no, we... we...
we keep it professional.

Ah, okay.

That's probably for
the best. (sighs)

I mean, you're a very handsome man,
but maybe too old for some rides, huh?

- (chuckling)
- Whatever you say.

(Christian chuckles) Ah.

You want another bump?

Oh, no. (stammers) I'm good.

Could always be better, though!

- (sniffing)
- Yeah.

(Christian sniffing) Whoo!

(exclaims) So good!

Yeah, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go, uh...

Dance.

(breathes sharply)

Coop!

- Hey, hey.
- (Coop chuckles)

- Oh, okay.
- Looks like you needed a break.

- (chuckles)
- Is it that obvious?

Maybe I just know you
better than you think.

(chuckles) Yeah. Maybe.

Come on. Dance with me.

Oh, I'm not much of a dancer.

Well, a few weeks ago you
weren't much of a thief.

Maybe you're a good dancer,
you just don't know it yet.

Mmm, okay.

(chuckles) Hey. Okay.

See, you know some moves.

Yeah, I think that's pretty
much the drugs talking.

Oh.

Don't be sad, Coop.

- What are you talking about? I'm not sad.
- You're always sad.

I see it.

Behind your eyes.

Hey, I... I'm gonna get
another dr... drink.

- Do you want anything else?
- Oh... (stammers) ...uh...

- I'm just gonna stick with my bubbles.
- Okay. Yeah, I'll be right back.

Elena!

- (chuckling)
- Hi. (chuckles)

I started to worry you'd...

you'd forgotten about me.

Course not. You're the
whole reason we're here.

- I suppose I am. Yeah.
- (chuckles)

But I'm thinking, that maybe you
and I are also here for, uh...

for a different reason. (sighs)

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- What's that?
- Let me show you.

Oh. No, thank you. (chuckles)

- (breathes heavily, sniffs)
- Okay.

- Easy, (i)chacho(/i). Easy.
- (grunts)

- (sniffs, grunts)
- (groans)

- Hey, hey. Easy is for kids, (i)guapa(/i).
- (grunts)

- I prefer hard.
- (grunting, straining)

- (Elena grunts) Hey. Hey.
- (Christian breathing heavily) Hey.

Hey! Hey. Hey!

Everything okay here, guys?

Yeah, we're just having
a private moment.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Are you sure?
- I got it.

- Okay.
- Asked and answered, old man.

I think, uh, maybe
we should all...

- Jesus Christ.
- ...just go back upstairs.

- (grunts)
- (grunts) f*ck.

- Ow. f*cking sucker. That hurt.
- g*dd*mn it.

(grunts, breathing
heavily) Okay.

(in Icelandic)
f*ck you, old man.

(in English) Okay, let's
just take a deep breath.

- (Elena) Hey!
- (screams, groans)

- (Christian wailing)
- (Elena) Come on!

(grunts, groans)

- (whimpers)
- (Elena) (i)Stop squirming!(/i)

(stammers) You're drowning me.

- Hold still. Don't rub it.
- Ow! It hurts.

- It's only gonna make it worse.
- (groans, spits)

(groans)

- (sighs) Is that better?
- (grunts)

- Yeah. A little, I guess. I don't know.
- What the f*ck were you thinking, huh?

You're welcome?

- I had him under control.
- Well, it didn't look like that to me.

Do you know how many times I've had
a guy press his d*ck up against me

in a place like that?

No, you don't, of course
not. Because you're a man.

- Look, I was trying to help you.
- Okay, do me a favor.

The next time you
try to defend me,

how about you wait
until after we get paid?

(stammers) That's what you're
mad at? Are you kidding me?

It's not that big a deal. We
can steal something else...

I needed that money!

You know what?

You're just a rich guy
who lost his money,

and now you think you're
f*cked, but you have no idea.

You've never gone hungry. Your
kids will never go hungry.

You just want what they took from you
because all you know how to be is rich.

- Elena...
- You have no idea what real struggle is.

The sh*t that you
complain about?

Most people would... (chuckles)

They would k*ll for it.

- I'll make it up to you!
- Yeah, you f*cking better.

You're really just
gonna leave me here?

- I really am.
- Well, I forgive you.

For the mace.

f*ck you.

It was pepper spray.

(grunts)

(exhales heavily)

(Coop) (i)Sam being away
left me with a choice.(/i)

(i)I could drink too much
scotch, and fall asleep(/i)

(i)watching The Criterion
Collection in my house...(/i)

(i)or I could go make
some money in hers.(/i)

(sighs)

(sighs)

"This one's for
special occasions."

(grunting, inhales heavily)

(breathing heavily)

(breathes heavily) sh*t.

sh*t.

sh*t.

sh*t.

(grunts)

sh*t. (strains)

(breathing shakily)

Come on, come on! (grunting)

(breathing shakily)

(crying)

(Coop) (i)I know that breaking
into your ex lover's house(/i)

(i)is problematic on many levels...(/i)

(i)All of them, really.(/i)

(i)But when you've done some blow for
the first time in over a decade,(/i)

(i)drunk your weight in whiskey,(/i)

(i)and been pepper sprayed
all in the span of an hour,(/i)

(i)it's safe to say that making good
choices isn't really on the agenda.(/i)

(i)All I knew was that
Sam was out of town,(/i)

(i)I was out 150 grand in change
thanks to the painting snafu,(/i)

(i)and Sam's French doors
never locked properly.(/i)

(grunts)

(groaning) God.

(Coop) (i)You remember this part.(/i)

(i)There was a lot of
blood on the floor,(/i)

(i)and I'd taken a pretty
nasty whack to the head,(/i)

(i)so it took me a moment to realize
that the dead guy next to me(/i)

(i)was Paul Levitt, Sam's ex.(/i)

(i)If there was ever a moment in all of
this that I truly considered giving up,(/i)

(i)this was it.(/i)

(i)I was tired, tired in a
way I'd never been before.(/i)

(i)Tired in a way that makes you seriously
consider just closing your eyes,(/i)

(i)opening your mouth, and letting
the water fill your lungs.(/i)

(i)And if I'd known everything
that was about to happen,(/i)

(i)I think I probably would
have done just that.(/i)

(i)But the truth is,(/i)

(i)and I think this has been
made painfully clear,(/i)

(i)I didn't know sh*t.(/i)

(breathes heavily)

(grunting)

Nice one.

(sighs) Thanks.

So, what did you get
up to last night?

Oh, uh, you know, not much.

How about you?

Same.

There you go.