01x06 - A Band with No Name

[bunniefuu]

- Three sodas,
and one is primed to explode.

Lawrence, I have to admit,

soda roulette
is pure genius.

- Thanks.

- This will be the coolest
viral video ever!

- Cooler than
"Monkey Smelling Butt"?

- Yes.

- You flatter me, sir.

- So I'll start filming,
and you can start popping tops.

- Whoa, um, I was kind of
thinking I'd film and you'd pop.

- What made you think that?

- Well, so far, I've starred
in "Spaghetti Head,"

"Pie Face,"
and "Soccer Ball Surprise."

- For some reason, it's funnier
when bad things happen to you.

You have a gift.

- Really?

Wow! Thanks!

- Let's do it.

And...

Action.

- I guess this'll be fun.

I mean, how much soda
can sh**t out of one can?

Ahh.

The answer--
a truly surprising amount.

- That was amazing!

- Hey, don't ask me how,

but I got us an audition
for our first gig

with a very important
music bigwig.

So dry off
and meet me in class.

- Aren't you at all curious
why I'm covered in soda?

- No. I know soda roulette
when I see it.

[playing rock music]

♪ ♪

[all cheering]

Nailed it!

But it doesn't matter
what I think.

Our fate rests in the musical
tastes of Mr. Big.

What do you think?

- [slurping]

Meh.

- We just melted your face.

- No, you didn't.
My face is fine.

- I'm telling you, Alison,

this band is going to rock
your birthday party.

- We're playing a
seven-year-old's birthday party?

I thought we weren't supposed
to hit rock bottom

until our mid-20s.

- At least we're headlining.

- Actually,
I'm thinking of getting

a magic princess instead.

- I spoke too soon.

- Princess Oliviana--
who's that?

- Are you serious?

She's the princess from the
movie "Everyone's A Princess."

- She sings
"Tell Me Something True."

You know...

♪ Tell me something new,
tell me something true ♪

♪ Can I be the princess
of your dreams? ♪

all: ♪ Tell me something new,
are we coming true? ♪

♪ Or is this another... ♪

- Stop that terrible song!

[sighs]

Alison, what do you say?

Can we play your party?

- Okay, but only because
you agreed to be paid in cake.

- Yes!

We got a gig!
We got a gig!

Oh, sweet mother of--

I mean, thank you.

- Uh-huh.

Now, what's your band's name, so
I can put it on the invitations?

- Uh...

- Uh, we don't have
a name yet.

- Well, you better come up
with one by next week,

or I'm going with
The Princess Party Band.

Now, juice box me
for the road.

- Juice box me.

[thud]

- Amateurs.

- ♪ Stop tellin' me
to read between the lines ♪

♪ It all adds up
to one thing ♪

- Five, four, three,
two, one ♪

- ♪ If you think you're gonna
lose your cool ♪

♪ Well, sometimes you gotta
break the rules ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know,
give it up to rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ 'Cause we ain't
gonna stop ♪

♪ If you're feeling like
you're gettin' schooled ♪

♪ There's an answer
right in front of you ♪

♪ Hey, show me what you know,
give it up to rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ 'Cause we ain't
gonna stop ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪
- ♪ Are you ready to rock? ♪

- Hey, Zack, here's my share
of our video game subscription.

- Oh, thanks. The last time
I didn't pay my dad back,

he repo'd my bike.

- Since it's my turn
to pick next,

I want to get the new
Dr. Timewarp game--

"Wormhole of Justice."

It's my destiny.

- Oh, sorry,
no can do, "broseph."

I already ordered
"Legions of Horror" last night.

- That's brutal.

I've been waiting my whole life
for this game.

- That's why I thought you
should hear it from a friend.

Good talk.

- Why do you let Zack
boss you around like that?

- Nobody bosses me around.

- Tie my shoe.
- Double-knotted or single?

- [sighs]
Stop.

Just because I say something
doesn't mean you have to do it.

Same goes for Zack.

- He's my best friend.

- Your friendship seems
a little one-sided.

You're better than that,
Lawrence.

- I am?
- In theory.

- Tomika, I know
what you're getting at.

You want to be
my best friend too.

- That's not my--
- Sorry.

Call me old-fashioned,

but I can only have
one best friend.

- Lawrence,
I think you're missing--

- Shh.

Shh.

Shh!

- Today's lesson is on
the importance of our first gig.

Our group
needs to be road tested

for Battle of the Bands.

The Beatles had Hamburg.

We have
Alison's princess party--

totally the same thing.

- What about our band name?
- Excellent question, Summer.

Finding the right band name

is the second most
difficult task in rock.

The first is how to not look
stupid doing this.

[babbling]

- Keep working on it.

- Luckily for you kids,

I've already come up
with the perfect name...

Paradoxx!

Oxx, oxx, oxx.

Crowd noise.

[imitates crowd cheering]

I sense some hesitation.

- Paradoxx?

- Does anybody have
any better names?

All right, fine.
Let's hear some band names

that are probably not as good
as Paradoxx.

- Smog Check.
- [imitates buzzer sounding]

- T.H.B.--
Totally Harvard Bound.

- Totally no.

Tomika?
- Don't care.

- Hmm.
- Great name.

- No, I mean I don't care.

You can't force a name.
When it's right, it'll happen.

- Great point.

- I like the name Timewarp.

- Shocker.

- I'm torn between
two awesome names--

Metal Death Fire Skulls
or Skulls of Fire Death Metal.

It's a tough one.

- It's pretty clear to me

none of those
are as good as Paradoxx.

So we'll just go with that.

- No!
Totally Harvard Bound.

- Smog Check!
- Timewarp!

- Skull Fire--
whatever mine was!

[indistinct arguing]

- Okay.

Okay!

This is natural.

Bands need to disagree

and get their frustrations out
early on,

or they'll just break up.

Pete Townshend once hit
Roger Daltrey with his guitar,

and The Who are still together.

- Hmm, gotcha, Mr. Finn.

Who do I get to hit
with my guitar?

- Nobody.

We'll vote on this tomorrow.

Settle this like adults--

rationally and calmly.

- Mm, right.

And after that I get to start
bashing people?

- ♪ Tell me something new,
tell me something true ♪

♪ Can I be the princess
of your dreams? ♪

- [clears throat]

Are you singing
a princess song?

- No.
How much did you hear?

- Enough to make this weird.

Look, I told you

to get these boxes
of Paradoxx T-shirts

out of the garage
over a year ago.

How many failed bands
is it now?

- Dad, there's no such thing
as failure.

That's what you always
used to tell me

when I struck out
in little league.

- I was lying to you.
You were eight.

Just get the boxes
out of the garage.

And, son, if you're gonna sing
a princess song in my house,

you do it in the shower
like a man.

♪ Can I be the princess
of your dreams? ♪

Dang it!
You got me singing it.

Now I have to bathe.

- Zack, "Gamer Magazine"
gave "Wormhole of Justice"

five thumb blisters up.

I can't wait!

And since it's my turn--

- Oh, forgot to tell you--

I ordered the next six
"Legions of Horror."

It should only take
two or three months

to get to your game.

That's cool, right?

- Yeah, okay.

Excuse me.

[yelling]

- No problem there.

- Shall we go to lunch?

- Vote
for Totally Harvard Bound.

It's the best band name.

Thanks.

- Huh.
Wow. Great idea.

You stayed up all night
baking cupcakes.

- Oh, no, I make a batch every
week and keep it in my locker,

you know, just in case.

- She's got cupcakes.
We're doomed.

- Where are you going?
- To get a cupcake.

I'm doomed, not dieting.

- Wait, dude.
This is serious.

The vote's in an hour.

If we don't team up
against Summer,

we're going to be stuck

with Totally Harvard Bound
forever.

- Count me in.

- If we want people
to vote for us,

we've got to give them
something better than cupcakes.

- How about
this irresistible smile?

- We're trying to recruit kids,
not your mother.

- I'll get ice cream.

- Check it out.

I sweet-talked
the lunch lady

into giving me
extra tater tots.

- Perfect.

Free tater tots if you vote
for Smog Check!

- Dude, do you know
how hard I had to flirt

with Sylvia to get these?

I have to play bingo
with her on Friday.

- "Broseph," relax.
It's for Smog Check.

- But they're mine!

How do you know
I don't want to use these

to get people
to vote for Timewarp?

- That's hilarious, bro.

Still pushing Timewarp.

- Free tater tots
for Timewarpers.

- Check out the tub.

Lunch lady Sylvia
loves this smile...

and I have to play bridge
with her on Thursday.

- Yes!

Free ice cream if you vote
for Smog Check!

- Tots for Timewarp?

Ah!

Summer, what can I do
to get you to vote

for Timewarp instead?

- [scoffs]
Sorry, Lawrence,

but if a name doesn't speak
to me on a creative level,

I can't get behind it.

- What if I change the name
to Summer and the Timewarps?

- I'm in.
- Yes!

Vote for
Summer and the Timewarps!

- All right,
I trust you talked it out

and agreed we're called
Paradoxx now.

I suggest
you buy your T-shirts quickly.

I only have 1,000 left.

- We're not calling
ourselves Paradoxx.

We're going with Smog Check.

- No, we're going with
Summer and the Timewarps.

- That wasn't even
one of the choices.

- Alliances needed to be made,
Mr. Finn.

- Summer and the Timewarps?

Smog Check is so much more
hard core.

It's about power
and cool

and sensible
car maintenance.

- Summer and the Timewarps
is about bending time and space.

- Why can't you just go
along with me, Lawrence?

I thought we were friends.

- Friends don't mess
with another man's taters.

- Fine.
Then maybe we're not friends.

I renounce
my friendship to you.

- I renounce my friendship
to you!

And my renouncement
begins retroactively

to your renouncement.

- It's tater tots!

- Guys, calm down.

- You told us to get out
our frustrations, Mr. Finn.

- Everybody,
put your frustrations back in.

- Whoever wants to be
in Smog Check

come to the front
of the class.

- Calling all Timewarps.
Oh!

- Guys, our first real gig
is in two days.

We need to decide on a name,

or we're gonna be called
The Princess Party Band.

- We have our name, Mr. Finn.
We're Summer and the Timewarps.

If they don't like it, they
don't have to be in our band.

- We wouldn't be in your band
if you paid us.

- Fine, two bands!
- Fine, two bands!

all: [chanting]
Two bands, two bands!

- One band, one band!

I can't have
seven failed bands!

[chanting continues]

- ♪ Tell me som nhingew,
tell me something true ♪

- Catchy song, isn't it?

- Alison, uh...

Shouldn't you be in the lower
school building right now?

- I've got finger painting
in ten minutes,

so let's get down
to business.

I hear your band broke up.

- What?
Where'd you hear that?

- You don't get
the center cubbyhole

without knowing
a few things, Mr. Finn.

- Alison, please, don't worry.

I've got it all under control.

Come tomorrow,
everything will be fine.

- I wasn't finished.

It better be,
or I'm hiring Princess Oliviana,

which means no cake for you.

- Buck up, man.
She's seven years old.

[playing guitar riff]

- And then you do a solo.

♪ ♪

And I do a solo.

♪ ♪

- And then we turn on
the smog machine.

And it does a solo.

- Hey, guys,
I want to ask you something.

Can you turn that off
for a sec?

- Uh, I guess that wasn't
the off button.

- Look, Alison wants Smog Check
to play her party--

just you guys.

- I don't know, Mr. Finn.

Kids' parties aren't really
Smog Check's style.

- Then again, it is a birthday,

and we already
rented the machine.

- I'm in!
- Cool!

We'll do it, Mr. Finn.

Mr. Finn?

Freddy, he must've left
the room.

Freddy?

Freddy!

- Summer and the Timewarps,
how's practice going?

- Fantastic, Mr. Finn.

I made the glitter costumes,

and Tomika worked out
a k*ller dance.

- Cool. What about,
you know, the music?

- Oh, Lawrence is making...

What did you call it,
Lawrence?

- Oh, it's the ultimate

automated keyboard/auto-tune/
drum machine trifecta.

- You know, nerd music.

- ♪ Time warp, time warp ♪

♪ You have just been
time warped ♪

♪ Time warp, time warp,
time warp ♪

- It's all preprogrammed
so we don't even have to play--

just dance.

- Cool, show me your moves.

- Oh, wait!

Now you've done it.

- Once he starts,
he doesn't stop.

- I don't.

- Listen, guys,

Alison only wants one band
to play her party,

and I told her you guys were
by far the better band.

Think you could still
rock it for me?

- You bet.
Our first gig.

- That's great,
isn't it, Lawrence?

- ♪ Time warp, time warp ♪

Uh, I'm just gonna
take that as a yes.

- Here we are,
living the rock 'n' roll life,

playing for tough crowds
in dingy dives.

Ooh, face-painting table.

I'm gonna be
a bunny rabbit.

- Hey.
What are you guys doing here?

- We're here to rock the party.

What's your excuse?
Did you come to watch?

- No, Freddy and I
are playing this gig.

Freddy?

- Sorry, those face painters
are really aggressive.

- Mr. Finn, what's going on?

- Nothing weird.

Just gathering dinner--

meatballs.

Ow!

Toothpicks.

- No, I mean,
why are we both here?

- Yeah, you said
we were playing.

Are you a mouse?

- I'm a cat.

[purrs, meows]

Look, I lied to you guys
to get us back together.

We got to start acting
like professionals

and not let Alison know,
because if she finds out,

we are--

Hey, Alison.

- Why is half your band
dressed in space suits?

- We're
Summer and the Timewarps.

- And we're Smog Check.

- Two bands?
I want one band!

You made me promises.

One awesome band
and no mess-ups.

- Is there a problem here,
Alison?

- No, no problem,
Princess Oliviana.

I hired the princess
as backup.

She's taking your spot now.

- Oh, you must be the band
I heard about.

Oh, it's ever so nice
to meet you.

Alison, dear, your little guests
are asking for you.

Perhaps you should go grace them
with your presence.

[giggles]

All right,
here's the deal, pal.

This is my show.

You, the doofuses
and the glitter triplets

think you can waltz on in here
and steal my thunder?

This is a princess party.

I'm a princess.

- Not a real princess.

I mean, that's not even
a real wand.

- Oh, no?

- Ow!
What is that, metal?

- Now, unless you want to wear
my tiara the hard way,

I suggest you all pack up
your little field trip

and hit the road.

You're out of your league,
mouse face.

[giggles]

- I am a cat.

- Well, she's delightful.

- This is all
your fault, Lawrence.

If you would've just
voted for Smog Check,

this would've never happened.

- My fault?

This ends now.

Eat my glitter!
- Back off!

I got a confetti cannon,
and I'm not afraid to use it!

- Guys, stop.
You're better than this.

That's it!

I've been wanded,
"confettitied," and glittered.

This is the worst princess party
I've ever been to.

- I thought
we were "brosephs."

- I never agreed
we'd call each other "brosephs."

I hate "brosephs."

You just expect me
to do whatever you want.

I wanted to get
"Wormhole of Justice."

- Wait. This is about
a video game?

- No, it's about you
not caring about what I want...

which in this case
is a video game.

So, yes!

- Guys, bands don't break up
because of video games.

They break up
because of fame or money

or really annoying princesses.

- ♪ Tell me something new,
tell me something true ♪

♪ Can I be the princess
of your dreams? ♪

- Okay, we may not agree
on a band name,

or whether or not we can call
each other "broseph,"

but we can agree
we're not gonna let

some psycho, snotty,
fake princess

steal our first gig, right?

- ♪ Tell me something new,
tell me something true ♪

♪ Can I be the princess
of your dream? ♪

♪ ♪

- Man, I hate that princess.

- Me too.
- See?

You guys aren't as far apart
as you think you are.

- Mr. Finn's right.

Lawrence,
you're my best friend.

I should've paid more attention
to what you wanted.

I'm sorry.

- What I want is to get
this band back together.

What do you say, "broseph"?

- Let's show this princess
how to rock.

all: Yeah!

♪ ♪

- ♪ I've heard it all ♪

- What are we gonna play?

- The only song
that'll get this crowd back.

"Tell Me Something True"...

the rock version.

- Do you even know
the words, Mr. Finn?

- Maybe.

Freddy, give me a beat!

both: ♪ Tell me something new,
tell me something true ♪

♪ Can I be the princess
of your dreams? ♪

♪ Tell me something new,
are we coming true ♪

♪ Or is this
another make-believe? ♪

- ♪ All I ever need ♪

♪ Is for you to look at me ♪

♪ The princess
of your dreams ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

♪ The princess of your dreams ♪

♪ Oh oh ♪

- Hello,
Alison's birthday party!

We're a band that met at school,
and we like to rock.

- We're School of Rock!

♪ ♪

- That's the perfect name,
Lawrence.

- Yeah!

School of Rock, I love it!

- I told you we'd get it.

♪ All I ever need ♪

♪ Is for you to look at me ♪

♪ The princess
of your dreams ♪

- Yeah! Yeah!

Stage dive!

I think I landed on her wand.

♪ ♪