02x01 - An Out of Body Experience Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Yes!

Oh, a beautiful summer day. The sun is

bright, Hector is relaxed and

carefree, and we're stuck in the

windpipe with a couple of demented

bacteria attacking us.

It knees us nice and breezy.

Oh, if only we had a grappling hook or

something. Grappling hook?You got it.

Fire me straight across.

Now swing over. What?

Trust me. It's safe.

OK.

I thought you said it was safe. I'm

meant for me.

Whoa, your steel's good. You know, dude,

you should dive off the high board.

That'd really impress her. Trav, you've

talked me into doing some pretty stupid

things, but I am not doing this. No way.

Not a chance. Forget it.

Why do I always fall for the

thing?Hey, Christine, check out my

man Hector on the high board. Whoa, the

high board's major. Go, Hector!

What?

Hector!He's drowning!

Hector! Ah

Uh,

zinc and tricks Uh, zinc and tricks

Trouble in the air, what you gonna do?Is

it cold as the beaver Or maybe the blue?

private eyes Cut germs and viruses down

to sides Busy defending all the nerve

endings They got

busting nerves

I'm not like I'm not... Uh, uh, uh,

Stink and Drip

Inside the body and mind From the tip of

the nose to the behind They're the

protectors of the city of Hector

Uh, Stink and Drip

I can't find the lifeguards!

Call 911! I know CPR.

Oh, thank heavens, Ozzy. Hector's out of

the water. Are you okay?

Well, I'd feel better if I wasn't getting

beat on by a giant germ with a butt the

size of Guatemala.

Hey, I'm Big Bone! Incoming

lips!

Hector, are you all right?

I've never... been...

better.

Phew, we almost got sucked into

Christine. Right, Ozzy?Ozzy?

Ozzy!

Love those floating signs.

Welcome to... Christine?

You're going to make me a nice soft

cushion when we hit blood cell. Great

idea, but I think we need to recast the

cushion roll. No, no, no, no

Excuse me.

Whoa.

I'm really inside Christine.

Freeze. Hello there, ladies.

Name's Osmosis Joe. Don't worry. There's

enough of me to go around. Get down. If

you want to dance, you're going to have

to ask nicer than that, babe. Hey!

You almost shot off my mouth! Why not?

You've been sh**ting it off since you got

here. Huh

Nice job. Wish all the cops in Hector

were that good. You're from

Hector. Oh, my gosh. We love

Hector. He's so cute. We should have

known you were from Hector. You're so

cute. Isn't he cute, Cillia?

Yeah, cute as a foot fungus. Can I have

your autograph?Hang on. You guys are

fans of Hector?Oh, my gosh. We

totally have to take you to meet the

mayor. She is going to love you. Great.

Maybe she can help me get back home

some... On the other

hand, a cell could get used to such a

friendly place, not to mention

clean. And it has the most darling shops.

Did I just say darling shops?You

did. Oh, no. I think all the girly

stuff in here is starting to change me.

Like some kind of newbie.

Hey, if I asked to borrow your lipstick,

slap me. I'd love to.

Ozzy is where?Inside

Christine. You know, dark hair about 5

feet tall. I know who she is. How are we

going to get him back?I have a

plan.

All we have to do is get Hector and

Christine back in that pool at the same

time. If we can, then how

did that get in there?Well,

as I was saying. If we can get them close

enough together, Ozzy can swim from

Christine back to Hector.

Is there anything your arm can't do?Well,

I can't get it to make a decent

milkshake. But Mayor,

he has to go back. Forget it. Hector's

never going in the water again. What?In

case you didn't notice, I almost died. I

mean, Hector almost died. I'm

sending my advisors down to the Fear

Center. We will assure that Hector is so

afraid of the water, he will never return

to it. It is a done deal. But, Mayor,

we'll never get Ozzy back if Hector

doesn't go in the water. You're

forgetting two things. One, I don't

like Jones. And two,

ah I really don't like Jones.

Well, that's it. We'll never get Hector

in the pool now. Oh, yes, we will. We

will find a way. Ozzy is my partner. More

than that, he is my best friend. I will

not give up on him. Do you hear me?I will

not give up on him. He owes you money,

doesn't he?50 carbs.

Man, pink lemonade fountains and

deodorized streets. No wonder it

smells so good. You know, I'd come here

more often if the commute wasn't so bad.

Mayor, this is the cell from Hector I

called you about. Our visitor! How

exciting! We're all big fans of Hector

here. I'm Mayor Concha Santorini. And

I'm Osmosis Jones, ace detective.

Look, you gotta help me get home. Why are

you in such a big hurry to go?He's having

some kind of biochemical reaction. He

thinks he's becoming girly. Osmosis

Jones?Girly?Not a chance.

What a lovely dress. Is that chiffon?

OK, who wants the arm wrestle?Let's go.

Maybe my brain advisors can come up with

a way to get you home. Perhaps some sort

of launching mechanism could be devised.

We shall begin calculating the thrust

coefficient at once. Wow, your brain

advisors actually have. Brains. Ah,

the gentle sell from Hector, I presume.

Mr. Jones, Police Chief Maximus.

We all find Hector quite fascinating.

Yeah. Who knew the kid was like a pop

star over here?You know, while you're

here, the department should treat you to

dinner. I'm sure Officer Tyson would be

happy to escort you. What?That's a

lovely idea. Hey, you get me back to

Hector, and I'll pay for that dinner.

Well, the tip anyway.

Thanks for the grub. I didn't know there

were so many ways you could serve

sprouts. And I didn't know there were so

many ways you could belch. Oh,

look at the puddy. Little puddy doody.

Isn't she precious?Did

I just turn pink?I did, didn't I?Don't

worry, I got your room in the colding

tonight. You should feel right at home.

Yo, what is your problem?You've been on

my case ever since we met. Hey, you're

the one with the problem, Jones. OK,

you're c*ck. You're arrogant. You

forgot. Ruggedly handsome.

Hey, what's the chief sneaking around for?

Engine nosy too.

Did you bring the money?Of

course. Oh,

nothing up my sleeves.

Festo. Half a billion carbs.

You're a good little trader and you'll

get the rest tomorrow. Don't worry,

no one is going to spoil your plan.

Excellent. Soon Christine shall feel the

might of the pneumoniac.

Yes, well, just don't k*ll her. A million

carbs won't do me much good if there's

nowhere to spend it. Oh, she won't die.

At least, not soon. Uh,

is this a bad time?'Cause I could come

back later. Oh, I'm afraid there is no

later for you. Mr. Jones,

get him.

Maximus here. The visitor from Hector is

a virus. I want every available officer

after him. Blast first. Ask

questions later. I hate it when they say

that. We need to split up.

Hi, Hector. I just came by to make sure

you're all right. I'm good.

Thanks for, like, saving me and stuff. I

hope my breath is OK. Yeah.

Minty. All right, good.

So close and yet so far. How am

I ever going to get back to-- hey, what's

up with his eye?Hector, are you

winking at me?No.

Oh, sure. No, I just... I

can't make it stop. That's Morse code.

It's got to be drinks.

Our only hope is that Ozzy is able to see

this. Da, da, da. Dit,

dit, dit. Let's see it. Ozzy,

we get Hector in pool

with Christine. You

swim hoge. Home.

Home! Swim home!Back to normal.

Look how normal I am. Yep. Totallynormal.

Whatever. So see you at the pool

tomorrow. She wants him to go to the

pool. Give him a dose of fear. I'm all

over it, Sir.

Yeah. See you at the pool. The pool.

Um, we'll see. Busy day tomorrow. Busy

day.

OK, see ya.

The... P... Pool?

That'll keep him out of the water. I'm

brilliant!

Attention, City of Christine. An all-cell

bulletin has gone out for Osmosis Jones,

a virus posing as a white blood cell.

He's distinguished by blue skin, a black

vest, and a rather pretentious goatee.

What?Pretentious?

Come on. And she didn't even mention my

svelte figure.

oh What you been feeding that kid?Freeze,

sleaze. Hey,

remember me?The cute guy?

Osmosis Jones, you're under arrest.

OK, OK, you got me.

Just one thing. Can I borrow yourlipstick?

Ow. Are

you sure we should be doing this?I

haven't even met your parents yet.

Listen, I'm not the criminal. Now,

there's your criminal. He just wants to

shut me up. I'm sure I'm not the

first, Mr. Jones. What's he been

saying?That he saw you take a bribe from

a pneumoniac?Ha. It's just like a

virus to make wild lunatic accusations.

Toss him in the wagon. I'll take him

downtown personally. But how do we know

he is a virus?Are you questioning

my authority, Officer Tyson?

No, sir. Question it. Question it.

Questions are good. makes you feel

better, I'll have him DNA printed when we

get downtown.

Let's go. Celia,

I'm no virus. Look at me. What virus

looks this good?Hey! Save it for the

girls down in DNA.

You're going to be one sorry cytoplasm,

Mr., when the girls downtown realize I'm

telling the truth. Who says you're going

downtown?I

can't have you spoiling my reputation,

Mr. Jones. I happen to be the most

trusted official in Christine.

Then why are you trying to destroy her?Do

you have any idea what it's

like being a male cell trapped in a

woman's body?Look, tell

me about it. No sports channels,

mandatory dance lessons, burping laws.

Well, now all that is going to change. I

have taken my last ballet class. I

want to live. And boy, will I

ever. After the pneumoniac invades

Christine, there will be no laws, no

rules, just chaos. I can do whatever I

want with all that money.

Where are we going?To the Spleen, Mr.

Jones.

Let's go. But I just fixed my hair.

It's a coagulation serum.

This time your mouth stays shut.

Farewell, Mr. Jones.

This should loosen you up.

Oh! What is that delightful fragrance?Is

that rosemary?It's blood thinner.

Oh. Hey, how'd you know Maximus was gonna

spleen me?I planted a wire on you

back at the paddy wagon. I heard

everything. Then you know your police

chief is lower than toe jam. Yeah, he had

us all fooled. We gotta arrest him so

Christine's safe and I can get out of

here. Give me a break. He's the most

trusted cop in Christine. Nobody would

believe us without hard evidence. Wait a

second. The money.

Mm-hmmGo on. I'm listening. Ozzy, snap

out of it. Unless we stop, Maximus,

you'll never get back to Hector. I know.

It's just that each time it takes over,

it's harder to come back. Pretty soon,

I'll be pretty in pink forever. I got to

fight it.

Hey, how about those Lakers, huh

Let's go. Got a big game

tomorrow. Hey, hold up,

No, Melanie. Mouth-to-mouth does not

count as a first kiss. And he didn't

drown on purpose. Oh, my

neck's been itching all night. Must have

gotten too much sun. Wow. Dang.

Some girls have thin skin. Hey, how much

longer?It's right here. When they

redecorated the police department, they

forgot to close off this capillary. It

leads straight into Maximus's office. But

we got to be quiet.

You found the money,

Officer Tyson. How disappointing that

you would listen to this loudmouth

Lucasite over your superior.

But since you did.

Either of you have any last words.

Yeah!

Does anyone have a tissue?

If it's among us, they don't want to be

rash. Even if it's humongous, they'll fix

it in a flash. A cell coming on swerves,

hit some nerves. Trying to protect him,

they almost like him. Looking good, like

a blood cell should. Like a blood cell

should. Looking good, like a blood

cell should. With the cells in the hood.

Looking good, like a blood cell should.

Like a blood cell should. Looking good,

like a blood cell should. With the cells

in the hood.