Oh, excuse me.
- f*ck you.
- Language.
This is a family bar.
- Lia.
- Yeah.
I need you to translate something for me
'cause I don't speak girl.
What is it?
I'm trying to ask this girl out,
but I don't know if she's single.
So I texted her, "Are you seeing anybody?"
And she says it's complicated.
What does that mean?
It means she's seeing somebody casually.
She wants to commit, but he doesn't.
Hey Kali, I'm ready to settle up.
Alright, I'll meet you down there.
I've never seen you with glasses on.
Yeah, it's just for up close.
Let me see.
Yeah, you got that naughty
librarian look going on.
We're not gonna talk about
your browser history, Joe.
Okay, let's not. All right.
Okay. You're all square.
- Have a good night.
- You too.
I'll see you later.
Okay, see you next time.
Are you serious? I
thought you weren't hungry.
I'm not hungry. I'm snacky.
If you were hungry, I
would've bought you something.
What's wrong?
This dickhole left his tab open again.
Ah.
Is dickhole one word or two?
One.
Holy sh*t.
Look at this. Blue hair.
No, that's a bad sign.
Cat.
How many cats do you
count in that picture?
I count two pictures of
cats with three real cats,
Right.
That's that's, thats what I'm I, I...
I don't even know.
I see bulges where
there shouldn't be bulges.
This one's got so much
hardware on her face,
looks like she fell
asleep in a tackle box.
She could not get around
any f*cking magnets, dude.
It would rip her sh*t out.
No.
Hey Jocelyn, is it fixed?
We have beer.
Hey Eric, we need to talk.
I feel like I'm being
attacked here. What's going on?
So, it's Wiener Wednesday,
it's ladies night,
and it's also hump day.
Don't you think we're
sending a mixed message here?
I think it's a great message.
The wieners aren't selling.
Sorry, but nobody wants your wiener.
You gotta pick one to get rid of.
Alright, we'll get
rid of Wiener Wednesday.
I'm the captain here. I'll right the ship.
Hold on. This was my idea.
Look at me. Look at me.
I'm the captain now.
Get back to work.
Town that I know
No way to leave
Nowhere to go
Stuck in a rut
Of vice and woe
Study my steps, go with the flow
Hey, leaving already?
Yeah, I gotta, I gotta
get some stuff done.
Oh, does one of those things involve
giving that guy back his phone?
Make sure you take
this with you next time.
Thinking of a number between one and 100.
Can you guess what that number is?
86?
Hey, you're not as dumb
as you look. Let's go.
Wow, I can't believe that happened.
Damn, where'd you learn how to do that?
Well, when the girls came in,
my dad said I was gonna need
to learn how to fight, so.
- Badass.
- Thank you.
- Dude.
- Right?
- Good job.
- Thank you.
That was pretty awesome, right?
Right?
- Oh.
- Ow!
- Nipple ring, b*tch.
- Forgot you just got that.
- It's all good.
- Sorry.
What are you looking at?
Hey, how's it going?
Not too bad. How you doing?
I'm doing pretty good.
Isn't that the same shirt
you destroyed with motor oil?
Oh no. That one's gone.
I already tossed it.
I actually found the exact
same shirt over there
at the Goodwill for like $5.
So it works out. It smells
kind of funky, but it works.
You didn't wash it before you put it on?
Well, no.
Don't they wash it like while it's there,
before they put it on the racks?
No?
- No.
- That, that's kinda bad.
Now I feel like
retroactively dirty, but...
I'm sorry, dude.
I dunno why it's not working.
Uh oh. It's Skynet.
What?
The machines are becoming
self-aware. Skynet?
No.
I'll be back. Terminator, come on.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh my gosh.
We'll go and get you at the other one.
Alright.
Hey.
Hey. Do you need me?
- No, you're good.
- Okay.
I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day.
Keep eating. I just need some straws.
Kali. Kali.
Hey, daydreaming again, aren't we?
No.
Yes.
I just saw Kali fantasizing
about one of our customers.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
I do that too.
- Mine are a little different.
- Waitress. Another beer.
Snap at me again,
m*therf*cker. Snap again.
Oh, wow.
Like I said, mine
are a little different.
I'm taking off. Do you need anything?
Okay.
It's good to see you.
You have a good night.
You too.
I'm taking off.
- Alright.
- Have a good night.
You too.
Good game.
Dang.
Ladd, we're closing up. It's time to go.
Already?
Where'd my friends go?
They went home.
That makes sense.
I need to get home.
Yep.
Can you give me a ride
please? It's on your way.
Okay. Go to the bathroom.
Leave me back here in five
minutes and I'll take you home.
Yes. Yes.
Wonderful.
Do you think maybe, possibly
we could like maybe go burger?
Yeah, we can burger.
Yeah.
Here you go.
Thanks. Have a good night.
Damn, Mr. T. That is a big a*s burger.
I haven't eaten anything all day.
You better be careful.
You're gonna end up with a gut like me.
Nah, I'll never get that fat.
- Oh, oh.
- Oh.
Oh my God.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Your my had to take Ladd for a burger.
My patience is almost gone.
Well, thanks for not
starting without me.
I'm gonna press play.
Wait, wait, I gotta get changed.
How many episodes do we have left?
Next week is the season finale.
- Already?
- Yep.
And this is the episode
where they consummate their relationship.
Wow. You just overly
romanticized them having sex.
But they deserve it.
Yeah, they do.
- There he is.
- Oh. Yup.
Oh. And there goes the
shirt and the pants.
That's a p*nis.
I did not think they
would show that full on.
Did you see that
grandfather clock swinging?
Oh, my god.
Hey, don't hit me with your
arm d*ck. Stop.
Stop.
We're announcing new
guidelines for every American
to follow over the next 15 days.
Our 15 days to stop
the spread initiative.
We're gonna close the bars,
we're gonna close the restaurants,
Bars, and restaurants will be closed
to the public starting at the
close of business tomorrow.
The two-week freeze
includes limiting restaurants
to takeout only.
Advise no gatherings
of more than 10 people
for the next 15 days,
As well as venues
that host either indoor
or outdoor events.
Girls, I got some bad news.
What is it?
Due to this coronavirus
that's going around,
they're shutting the entire country down.
They wanna shut us down for 15 days.
What the hell? What
are we supposed to do?
I don't know right now.
Can't even do dine-in at all.
All we can do is take out deliveries.
Where does that leave us?
You have two weeks
off. You can enjoy it.
Do some side jobs.
If you can file for
unemployment if you want.
Believe me, this is the last thing I want.
I mean, I can't afford to lose you guys.
You guys can hang in there?
I guess. I mean, it's
just 15 days, right?
That's awesome. I
mean, it is just 15 days.
I mean, hopefully it's
just a bump in the road.
So two weeks off.
Two whole weeks.
What to do?
- How are you doing that?
- Doing what?
Finding me so quickly and k*lling me.
I just figure where you'd be.
I go there and I sh**t your a*s.
Okay. You're spawn k*lling me.
No, I'm not.
You just don't know the map good enough.
I know the map perfectly fine.
You're just always right on my a*s.
Boom. Got you, b*tch.
How are you doing that?
I'm just that good.
Ooh, the pizza is here.
sh*t. I just deleted
Jocelyn's number off my phone.
You don't remember it?
No. I have a smart phone
to remember things for me.
It's 555-420-6969. Come on.
Oh yeah.
You ready for that downward dog?
Yep.
All right.
Oh my back. Oh.
How bad is this one? Medium bad.
Okay.
Okay. I'm up.
Okay.
Uh huh.
Good?
I think I'm done for the day. Okay.
Ow! You hit me in the
eye, like my actual eyeball.
What the f*ck?
I am not kidding. His d*ck
was as long as a CVS receipt.
You know, I'm friends
with his sister Gisella.
Gisella?
Yeah.
Do her friends call her Gis for short?
Oh my God. You do not wanna
let her catch you saying that.
Why?
Because then you'll have
Gis all up in your face.
No, I don't want Gis on my face.
Isn't it kind of weird
being home all the time?
- I kinda like it.
- Really?
Yeah. Like I don't have to wear a bra,
can finally let them breathe.
Like, look, I don't have that
red line under them anymore.
Dude. Put your boobs away.
You are so drunk.
I'm not that drunk.
Yeah, you are. You're
like l*sbian drunk.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
If I were to let you kiss me,
you would like it.
Hi, tequila. Can I talk to Lia now?
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
Get it all out.
Thank you for taking care of me.
Of course.
I'm sorry if I was l*sbian with you.
It's fine. No apologies needed.
Wouldn't have happened if you were ugly.
Die, you filthy wh*re!
Wait. What?
- Just go with it.
- Okay.
Ah!
Ah!
For the act of incest, I
will remove your sinful womb.
Dude. Gross.
Sorry. You're dead.
Ow. That's my nipple ring, b*tch.
Ow, my a*s. That hurts.
Good. You deserved it.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
Hey, puff me.
What are you doing?
I'm giving you w*r paint.
It's the season finale
and we must be prepared.
Who's drunk now?
Me.
Run, b*tch. Run!
Torin!
Constance
Alive.
Behind you!
I can't believe they just did that.
They, they can't.
They can't k*ll him off.
He's a main character.
He was..
Hello?
- Yeah. We just finished.
- We just watched it.
Yeah I can't believe they did this.
That's no way to end a season.
- I don't understand.
- How could they k*ll him off?
- He's a main character.
- His character had
- so much more to do.
- And her, too?
- They didn't care.
- Like, come on.
- What even was that?
- They didn't wanna finish
his story and they just let him die.
People can't come back from death.
- What was that?
- I don't,
it doesn't make sense.
Holy sh*t.
Hey, you want some breakfast?
- No.
- Hey, more for me.
Hey Eric, what's going on?
Oh, it's un-f*cking-believable.
The government extended the lockdown again
to all non-essential
businesses, bars, restaurants,
fricking movie theaters.
We're all still shut down.
- So we can't open?
- Not even close.
The OFCC, they're gonna
fine me or they're gonna
shut me down if I try to stay open.
sh*t. What are we gonna do?
Honestly, I don't know.
I, we're just taking it
one day at a time right now
and just trying to make it through this.
So our industry, our livelihood
is being overtly targeted
and we can't do anything about it?
This is f*cking bullshit.
Pawn shops, big box stores,
they get to stay open?
But what about the rest of us?
I don't know.
All I can say at this point is, please,
please tell me girls, you guys filed
for unemployment benefits.
How far in debt are we right now?
Well, we're two months behind rent.
The car is one missed
payment from being repoed.
Add food and utilities and
we need about five grand.
That's just to be caught up on everything.
We'll need more depending
on how soon we can get unemployment.
I've literally been calling all day
and they're busy every time.
It's like everyone's
calling at the same time
trying to get benefits set up.
How is it that you just can't file
for unemployment online?
- Yeah.
- So stupid.
Hey, I think I found something.
- A job?
- Yeah.
The Census Bureau is hiring
during a pandemic?
Weird.
What kind of job is it?
Says here you go door to
door and collect economic
and demographic information
and submit the data.
That's it?
- Yeah.
- Sounds easy.
What's the pay?
Oh sh*t. 20 bucks an hour.
How has this job not been taken yet?
I don't know, but we need
to go right now and apply.
Yeah, let's go.
Well, this isn't going anywhere.
Well, now what?
We can always go ask Jocelyn
if we can borrow her car.
- How far away is it?
- Just a couple blocks.
Alright, guess we're walking.
Let's go.
- Weird. Her car is here.
- Yeah.
Can you see anything?
Huh. Looks like there's
something covering the glass.
Okay, let's go to the side door.
Yeah.
Aw, thank you for the
tip, Mr. Pickle Tickle.
Thank you.
Who was that?
Dr. McHuge. Aw.
Thank you, Dr. McHuge.
You want me to do what? Again?
Okay, fine. But this is the last time.
Hey there.
BRB, boys. How did you get in here?
Well, we tried knocking,
but you didn't answer,
so we went around the side door.
What is all of this
Girls gotta make a
living somehow, right?
It started a few months ago
and it wasn't that great,
but now that everyone's staying at home,
it's given my channel a chance to grow.
And I'm super popular now.
So, we kind of need to borrow your car
for a few days, if that's okay.
Of course.
I have been working remotely.
I haven't even had to
use that for a few days.
That's the second
d*ck I've seen recently.
Technically, that's a dildo.
There you go.
I was supposed to take
it into the dealership
for some factory recall
or something like that.
So, but whatever, as
long as you bring it back
with a full tank of gas,
it's totally fine with me.
- Okay, thanks.
- Yeah, no problem.
I missed you guys.
We missed you too.
I'd give you a hug,
but you're a little erect at the moment.
Oh, yeah. I'll just tuck that.
Thanks again, girl. We love you.
No problem. I love you too.
Thanks again.
Okay. It looks like
everything's in order.
So, paperwork is filled out and signed.
Okay. We just need to issue you a route.
So first, let me give you your lanyards.
You'll wear these.
So, we don't have a
lot of available routes
in desired locations.
However, I do have one on
South Columbus Street, Dakota,
Manzanita, and Diamond Street.
I don't know how comfortable I feel
working in those areas.
Yeah. Are you sure you
don't have any other routes?
I don't.
However, because of the
current unprecedented times,
the state is actually
offering pay incentives,
which makes this $25 an hour.
We'll take it.
Hi there. Good afternoon.
My name's Lia. This is Kali.
We're with the Census Bureau.
Can we ask you a few questions?
Sure.
Okay. What's your age
and employment status?
- I'm 57 and retired.
- Okay.
Any relatives or a spouse living with you?
No. My kids are grown
and my husband's dead.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Don't be. He was such an as*h*le.
Treated me like sh*t,
so one night I just decided
to poison his TV dinner.
Still to this day, nobody knows.
You guys can keep a secret, right?
I'm just kidding. Holy, you guys.
Oh, you girls look like
you're gonna sh*t your pants.
Okay, so one last question.
How long have you lived here?
32 years. Long enough
to see it go to sh*t.
Well, that, that's all of our questions.
We, we appreciate your time.
- Hey, you guys want a cookie?
- No, thank you.
- What do you want?
- Hi, I'm Kali.
This is Lia, and we're
with the Census Bureau.
We just wanted to ask a few questions.
- What kind of questions?
- Well, first,
how many family members live here?
What's going on, brother?
These two girls came around
and started asking questions
about our family and sh*t.
We're with the Census
Bureau. We just collect data.
Who told you to collect
data on our family?
It's just from some list we were given.
Who gave you the list, ICE? INS?
No, no.
I think there's been some
kind of misunderstanding.
The data that we collect is for the city.
They give it to lawmakers
for policies and stuff.
Like immigration?
No, no. I, I mean, at
least I don't think so.
It's just whatever
information you wanna give us.
Look, we don't care about your status
and we don't have to even
ask any more questions.
- Yeah.
- So we're just gonna go.
No, you're not going nowhere.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Stop.
Stop, no. What are you doing?
Put the knife away and
you gimme the pistola.
What's the matter with
you guys, you mentals.
Apologize right now.
Orita, Miguel, this is why you're single.
Andele Miguel, apologize.
I'm sorry for my
actions. Please forgive me.
You too, dumbass. Andele.
I apologize. Can you forgive me?
Apology accepted.
I am so sorry. Bless you girls.
They really, really are good boys, okay?
You guys, they're just a
little bit scared right now
with everything and a little edgy.
Okay? So you girls go have a
good day and everything, okay?
Oh, by the way, they are single.
I have a boyfriend.
So pretty, so pretty
girls. Oh my goodness.
Okay, you go have a very
nice day. God bless you.
Okay, goodbye. God bless you.
Goodbye.
That's it. No more. I'm done.
Oh, come on.
We've only gone to two houses,
and $25 an hour. Remember?
I don't care.
Literally everyone in this
neighborhood is a f*cking psycho.
Not everyone is going to be like that.
We probably just got off to a bad start.
Come on, let's go to the next house.
I'm sure it won't be bad.
Fine, but if one more person
confesses to m*rder, tries to kidnap us
or does literally anything
else crazy, I'm done.
Get the hell outta here
and take your China virus with you!
sh*t! I'm not a runner.
Okay.
Thanks.
Bye.
Finally, got everything
set up with unemployment.
Everything's set up.
It's gonna be four months
before we start receiving benefits.
Four months?
I don't think there's a job out there
that's gonna pay enough to
make ends meet before then.
What we really need is
something with a large payday,
something under the table, off the grid,
untaxable, all that stuff.
We could always go see friend.
Yeah, we could go see friend.
Let's just go do it tomorrow.
Okay.
Ah. Woo.
Come in.
- I got.
- Yeah, let's do this.
All right. Ooh.
The usual.
Ain't no usual.
I gave you the good sh*t. Come on.
More.
- Leave me dry.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
You know better. Holla.
- What's up, friend?
- Hey girl, what's up?
- Hi.
- So let me guess,
you here because you
need something, right?
We need a job. Something
that pays good and soon.
Damn. What's the rush?
Well, the restaurants are
all closed, so we can't work.
We're behind on everything
and if we don't come up
with some money soon,
we're gonna be homeless.
sh*t. I can easily hook
you up to my porn guy.
- No.
- You got anything
a little more PG-13?
Fast money that don't play
by PG-13 rules, you know what I mean?
Okay, fair.
But can you at least try
to think of something?
Hang on for a sec. I
think I know someone.
Give me a minute. Grab a beer.
I'm getting nervous.
Don't be.
Everyone who's ever used this
guy has never had a problem.
- I hope you're right.
- I am.
Damn. I just hooked y'all up.
You lucky. You real lucky.
Great. What is it?
It's this wealthy dude, right?
He hasn't had female
company in a long while.
If we said no to porn,
what makes you think we're
gonna say yes to prostitution?
Whoa. Let me finish, b*tch.
You ain't gonna be f*cking
the dude. He's a paraplegic.
His sh*t doesn't even work.
All you gotta do is be sweet and sexy
and dance for him for a little bit.
$500 a piece is the pay.
Just dancing? Nothing else?
Hey look, y'all figure that sh*t out.
I just hooked you up with a
broke d*ck. You're welcome.
You just make sure he's
happy when you done.
We good?
A "thank you, friend?"
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Ungrateful b*tches.
So, how do we get paid?
You rende the service
client pay me and I pay y'all.
So, if he has a broke
d*ck, what's he even into?
He's a "Yellowstone" fan.
So dress up like a
couple of buckle bunnies.
Buckle bunnies?
I unfortunately know what that is.
Okay, I'll text y'all the details.
Be there 9:00pm tonight.
Okay.
I cannot believe we're doing this.
Won't be any different
than when you did the Hoedown
Showdown on Country Night.
Woo! Yeah.
Oh my God. Give it here.
That was a mistake.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Let's just get this over with.
I got some of our favorite
music on the speaker.
This reminds me of a
movie I saw one time.
How so?
Well, this husband hires his wife
to like secretly dance for him.
Only she doesn't know that he's a spy.
Then they get interrupted
by a bunch of bad guys
and a nuclear b*mb goes off.
What are you talking about?
Oh, showtime.
Not a word of this to anyone ever.
Not a word.
Ready for your private rodeo, cowboy?
My back.
- How bad is it?
- Pretty bad.
Ah.
Ah.
Almost there. Ah.
Almost got it.
Ah, almost there.
Hey.
Oh.
Hey, dude?
- Dude?
- Are you okay?
- Hey dude?
- f*ck.
I don't think he's breathing.
- No.
- No!
How? How is my client dead?
Well, it's not exactly our fault.
He was alive before you showed up.
You arrived. Now he's dead.
So because we are too hot
and his shitty heart couldn't take it,
we're at fault?
We did everything we were asked to do.
We should still get paid.
I can't collect money from the dead.
So we did all of that for nothing?
Yeah.
Is there another job we can do?
No. So you can f*ck that up, too?
Well, how about a job
that doesn't involve someone
already circling the drain?
You funny. You know that?
Thank you.
Contact this dude I
know. His name is Jean.
He'll hook you up with a job.
- Thanks, friend.
- Thank you.
So, you're Jean?
Yes, I am Jean Bon Jovi.
Say again?
Jean Bon Jovi.
Dude, your name is John Bon Jovi.
No, no, no, no. It is Jean Bon Jovi.
I was bullied about that as a child
and I will not tolerate mockery.
Hey. Hey, sorry.
Kali gets confused sometimes
from her prescriptions.
It's bad medicine.
Okay. I understand.
I'm sensitive and I do not
want to frighten you off.
No worries. We weren't
going to run away.
May I offer you a drink?
Nope. Just here about the job.
Okay.
Does the job involve anything ill*gal?
Yes and no. Does it matter?
You need the money, no?
I mean the law, I'm okay with,
I just don't want a police
bulletin of us reading,
"Wanted, dead or alive."
Nice.
So do you want to hear about the job?
Of course.
sh*t's been crazy
and right now we're
just living on a prayer.
Good one.
So here's the scoop. I
am going through a divorce.
All of my as remain frozen
until there is a settlement made
with that b*tch of an ex-wife.
You know we're not assassins, right?
We don't k*ll spouses.
No, of course not.
That's not what I want.
I do have a soul. I just want
you to go to my business.
Open my safe, get my father's
gold collectible coins.
That b*tch should not get half of them.
That's it? Just get
the coins from your safe?
- That's it is. Easy, no?
- Why can't you just do it?
It's bullshit.
She says I'm leaving you. So I get mad.
I throw a glass against the wall.
She gets wet standing over there.
Blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah. I was arrested.
How much is the pay?
Does a thousand each sound good?
- I'm cool. You cool, Kali?
- Yeah.
If we pull this off, I'll be
sleeping in a bed of roses.
So, I will text you with
the information you'll need,
the address, the alarm code.
Now, I need this done by
tonight. I can trust you, yes?
Totally. Keep the faith.
We got this. I'll be there for you.
Be careful. Stay safe, ladies.
Always.
If sh*t goes sideways,
we'll go down in a blaze of glory.
That vault is huge.
Yeah. This place used to be a bank.
What are you doing?
I have the combination on my phone.
I already know it.
Okay.
And done.
Cool.
This might be the easiest job ever.
Yeah.
- Is this okay?
- It's all right.
I just play on my phone all night.
The alarm isn't set. What the hell?
Yeah, I armed it now.
Just don't open any doors before you go.
Please, officer. I
don't wanna go to jail.
- There you go, baby.
- Are you recording?
Yeah. I may have to handcuff
you for my own safety.
I completely understand.
Ooh, is that your baton?
No.
Ooh.
Yeah. On the desk.
Oh, show me your baton,
Mr. Security Guard.
Ooh, someone's gonna
need a strip search.
I've been a naughty girl.
Oh my God. I can't believe we saw that.
Best thing ever.
She was like, actually into it.
She was so ready for it.
I wonder how many chicks he gets that way.
Oh, I love this song actually.
- Great. You ready?
- Ready.
You gonna hit the beat?
I think I know what
that recall was about.
I swallowed my gum.
Very nice. Very nice.
Very nice. Well done, ladies.
- Yeah. Piece of cake.
- Payment as promised.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, thank you.
This is lovely. Can you feel the love?
I'm in between relationships right now,
so I'm kinda in and out of love.
It's because you give love a bad name.
No, no, no, no, no.
Look, you are a very lovely girl
and I am sure you're going to
make some man happy, or woman.
So, you got another job for us?
Perhaps.
You two probably clean up
good. Can you serve c*ck?
Yeah. That's kind of our wheelhouse.
But restaurants are all shut down.
This is no restaurant.
This is a private club.
- Where is it?
- That is a secret.
Only members know,
but I could have a driver come
pick you up at my business.
Yeah. How much does it pay?
That depends on how good you are.
The club pays well,
and of course you'll tips
from the wealthy members.
This is a place where you want
to wear a little black dress.
You want to look hotter than hot.
- We can do that.
- Good luck, ladies.
Okay. Driver's about a minute away.
I hope someone doesn't drive by
and think we're two high-end
hookers or something.
I'm pretty sure high-end hookers
don't wait by the street at night.
I mean, if I saw us, I'd be like,
look at those two hot b*tches
waiting for their limo
to take 'em to their
high-end hooker palace.
We are not hookers.
We are high end though.
Hell yeah, we are.
All right, hop in.
You want us to get in the trunk?
- Yeah, hop in.
- Why?
Because you're not trusted
to know the location.
So, hop in.
Can't you just blindfold us
and let us ride in the back or something?
Well, I could take this black bag,
I could put it over your head,
zip tie it around your neck.
It'll screw up your hair and your makeup.
You gotta breathe your own carbon dioxide.
Or you can hop in.
All right. There you go.
Sit, spin, roll. Got it.
Sit. Spin, roll.
There you go. You're inside.
Look at that. It's like,
I've done this before.
- Ow.
- Sorry.
Ah.
I can't believe we're doing this.
We're definitely crossing the Rubicon.
The what?
The Rubicon?
The river in Rome that Caesar
crossed with this army.
It caused a civil w*r.
It means the point of no return.
Dude, just say the point of no return.
You don't think we're
getting trafficked, do you?
Oh my God. Why would you say that?
Because if you're picking
up any trafficking vibes,
I'd like to know.
We are in the truck of a
car being driven by a stranger
we just met through a man named Bon Jovi.
I'm getting all the vibes.
You didn't share any
reservations with me?
I'm sorry.
I thought we were on the same page
when it came to those reservations.
If we are getting trafficked, I'll try
to escape and send you help.
You're gonna escape without me?
Statistically blondes are
more preferred with traffickers.
So while they're occupied with you,
I might have a chance to escape.
Occupied?
You mean when I'm being...
Are we there already?
That was fast.
I guess time happens faster in a trunk.
That's not how time works.
Mm, time's relative. How
many trunks have you been in?
How many trunks have you been in?
You must be the newbies.
That's us, the newbies.
I'm Lia. This is Kali.
Alright. Well mostly these
people just wanna be served.
So just continue to walk around,
take drink orders and try to be seen,
'cause you're not just
servers, you're also eye candy.
Of course we are.
- Awesome, jerking. Really-
- Hi. Got some wine here.
Yeah. And a beer.
- There you are.
- Thank you.
Can I get you anything else?
- I'm fine, thanks.
- Thank you.
Of course.
And, keep the change.
Watch the hands.
I'm not boarding a plane,
and you're not TSA.
Sorry.
What are you doing touching her a*s?
Sorry, I was just being
polite. I put my hand out.
You shouldn't be touching her at all.
Sorry. I know.
Next time I'll just fist bump her.
No, you can't fist her either.
That's not what I said.
- Oh. Hey, Mike.
- Hey Johnny.
- Hey, how you doing?
- I'm alright.
- What's going on?
- Eh, usual.
- Alright, good seeing you.
- You too.
It's my friend Johnny.
Haven't seen him in forever.
Wanna play some poker?
Yeah. Heck yeah. Let's do that.
Hope we get to drink.
- Man, I'll catch up with you.
- Thank you sir.
No problem.
Are you sh1tting me?
- Two bourbons?
- Right here.
Ladies?
I would appreciate it
if you would concentrate
on the gaming room.
That's where our VIP members are.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- It's about time.
- Hey, I was working.
- Work me.
- Ooh.
Oh, oh. Hi, hey.
What was our safe word again?
- Don't be a little b*tch.
- That's five words.
Yo,
Romeo, you got a moment?
One second, doll.
Johnny, you're supposed
to be telling our members
of our new location.
You need to be keeping them happy.
Yeah. I'm about to make
this member really happy.
Yeah.
And why are the new girls dressed up
like they're going to prom?
Oh that's just
Bon Jovi's hazing the new girls
Don't worry. They'll figure it out.
Johnny, I need you to be
professional and responsible.
Yeah, of course. I got a condom.
No, son. No, no, no, no, no, no.
What?
We might have to make
this a little quick.
- New girls, I see?
- Yes.
They came recommended by one
of our VIP members, Jean.
Bon Jovi?
Poor guy. You hear about his divorce?
- I did.
- Sad.
Well, I'm gonna get a
drink. Find me later?
I will do that.
- Your bet.
- 250.
Call 250.
Show your hand.
Oh high.
Not even a pair? Like a
pair of ba*ls?
Real funny, Shirley.
Oh, come on. Buy in.
Play some more.
Oh wait, you don't have your wallet.
It's in your wife's purse
with your ba*ls.
That's to you.
I'll see your 250
and raise you 400 more.
- All in.
- All in.
All in.
Call.
Lay it down, boys.
- Ace high flush.
- Ah. Suck it.
Unbelievable.
Well, well aren't you a pretty thing?
- Thank you.
- You any good?
Or just as as shitty as those guys were?
I'm just hoping to have some fun.
You got a name, pretty face?
Jordona.
Jordona? What
are you, from Krypton?
That lady playing
poker is something else.
Yes she is. Yeah.
She's certainly earned the
nickname, sh*t Talking Shirley.
However, she tips really
well if you can stand her.
So, this place has a casino?
Somewhat.
People gamble with their own money
with each other, some with the house.
All gambling is approved or
moderated by the manager though.
Hmm. What kind of gambling?
Whatever the members come up with.
As long as it's approved.
Last year's Super Bowl was
pretty interesting though.
Huh.
Makes it 200.
- Call.
- Calls.
Aces when the pot.
Well no
beginners look for you.
I'm taking all your money
and I'm sure you get boned more than I do,
but wait, who's there?
Chlamydia!
Are you eye raping me?
Do you play for the other team?
No. Just thinking.
Well, good. I'm strictly dickly.
I don't even feel bad for you.
I'm sure you've got plenty of guys
on your scrotation waiting
to cheer you up.
No more bets.
Check.
All in.
Really, girl.
If you're in, I'm in.
Full house, b*tch.
Aw, I only have two pair.
Give the devil her due.
Oh, my bad. It was two pairs of threes.
She has four of a kind.
What was my tell?
Sorry?
My tell. What was it?
You lick your teeth.
Kind of like that, but not sexy.
Maybe if you didn't have
a figure of a waterbed.
Oh honey, cheer up.
I'm sure you have plenty of guys
coming up to you and asking,
"Hey, where's your pretty friend?"
Every time. Every time.
Hey Shirley, I had fun.
Someone get this piece of outta here.
All right Shirley,
you're out here. Come on.
Jordona, I am so sorry.
You realize I'm a VIP member, right?
Yes, I understand. Of course.
Your whole night will be on the house.
I want more discretion
on the club policies.
I, I will make it happen.
Somebody give me a f*cking drink.
- What is this place?
- Some employment. Stay cool.
Oh. So how'd we do?
We made 800.
Hey, that's almost worth
letting old guys grab my a*s.
- Oh.
- Ah.
- Bonus titty money.
- Just for you.
Hmm.
So, I did the math.
The club is every Saturday
and if we keep averaging
$800, we'll have enough money
to cover all of our expenses
until unemployment kicks in,
but just barely.
Okay, well here's to
us serving rich assholes
in a secret James Bond
underground nightclub.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Hi guys.
- Hi. How are you today?
Good, how are you?
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- A couple glasses of wine.
- Thank you both.
Here's that board for you.
- Enjoy.
- Thank you so much.
Tonight will be fun.
- Really?
- What? I have split ends.
Thanks.
All our money goes to the same place.
Thank you.
There you go.
There you are.
Oh, thank you.
There you go.
Uh, two olives, honey. Try again.
Sorry about that. I'll be right back.
- She wants two olives.
- Of course.
I really cannot not stand her.
Get used to it.
The little see me again.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
There you go. Two olives.
Call for 200.
200 and you.
Dark spaces.
Okay. There you go.
You're trusted with the location now.
- Thanks.
- Yep. Have a good night.
- Holy sh*t.
- What?
It's like a minute down the road.
Oh, that's why the trunk
times went by so fast.
Huh.
sh*t.
What?
I just got a text
that the club's not
gonna be open this week.
What? We can't afford to miss a week.
We need work.
Yeah, I know.
Grocery stores, pot shops,
pawn shops, hardware stores.
Everybody but us is open.
Even the politicians
writing these mandates.
You know, they never
had to skip a paycheck.
Is there anything I can do?
No. I don't know what we're going to do.
Maybe Bon Jovi has a job for us.
No.
I am so tired of running
errands for shady m*therf*ckers.
I would rather be out on
the street than in jail.
Well, maybe we can take out a loan.
I have bad credit
and you have no credit,
which is the same thing.
It's hard enough living
paycheck to paycheck.
Now, I can't even do that.
I'm a professional server.
I love to entertain. I cater.
I converse with my
customers and I'm good at it
because I'm a f*cking
thankful person.
I am not allowed to earn a living
and there's nothing I can
do about it.
One of
Chicago's best restaurants
is shutting down permanently
because of the coronavirus pandemic.
10,000 restaurants
in the country could close
in the next three weeks.
Two thirds of all the
restaurants in this state
could be forced to close
down by the end of this year.
They have not given us money
and they have shut us down.
We cannot survive. My
staff cannot survive.
The f*ck do they want us to do?
We can't survive anymore, man.
I can't pay the f*cking bills.
I'm behind on everything.
And they set up a
movie company right next
to my outdoor patio,
which is right over here.
Tell me that this is dangerous,
but right next to me as a slap in my face.
I continue to follow the rules,
and you guys still, time after time
are given me citations.
A large protest
erupting in Staten Island
after a bar owner was arrested
for refusing to comply
with New York's COVID-19 regulations.
For every single person
that doesn't have unemployment
that does not have a job,
and all the businesses
that are going under.
And we need your help.
We need somebody to do
something about this.
We're all this together.
We'll just all starve to death and die.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I'm sorry about earlier.
Don't be. It's okay.
I get it. We're in the same boat.
Thanks.
I was trying to think of
anything I would be good at
that could help us generate a windfall.
But I couldn't come up with anything.
Yeah, I was trying to come
up with something too. No luck.
Wish I was good at poker
like that Jordona b*tch.
Yeah, I know.
I was watching her play
and read the other players
to see if they were bluffing
and that's how she wins.
She's not keeping track of the cards
or she could have won
several hands way earlier.
- What do you mean?
- So, three hands
before one of her big wins, she folded.
She could have won at least two
of them based on the cards I saw.
What's the number to
your mom's landline?
555-646-1648.
Why?
And what was the exact hand Jordona had
before she folded?
She had two pairs,
nines and Jacks, 10 high.
Why are you asking me all of this?
Oh my God. Do you not get it?
Get what?
You have a photographic memory.
What? Really?
Watch.
Ah, okay.
Read that back to me,
but from right to left.
497 281.
Holy sh*t. Do you not
know how awesome this is?
How did you not know this about yourself?
I don't know. I guess
I never thought about it.
You mean you can't remember like this?
- No.
- Well, sh*t.
I have an idea.
We take our money back to the club
and you win us more at the table.
But I've never gambled before.
That doesn't matter.
You know how to play.
The betting formalities, we can look up.
We have two weeks until
the club opens again.
- Are you in?
- Yeah.
Yeah. Let's do this.
Chips.
Are you not working here anymore?
I'm here to play.
You would have to be a member to play.
Can I become one?
There is a process.
There are dues, fees, paperwork.
I'll cover her for tonight.
I can make that exception since
I have discretion, correct?
Yes.
Welcome to the club, Miss.
Lia.
Looks like it's gonna be a girl's night.
Are you sure you wanna risk
losing all your tip money?
I know you work so hard
pouring all those drinks.
I'm just here to have some fun.
Me too.
Bets 400.
Calls 400.
Show your hand.
Straight to the queen.
Have a straight to the
ace. Higher straight wins.
Bets 200.
Raise.
- Raise 400.
- Raise 400.
All in.
Call.
Calls to all in. Show your cards.
Diamonds, a girl's best friend.
King high flush.
I have three queens.
Sorry, honey. Flush wins.
Oh, and I forgot a pair of fives.
Full house Queens over fives.
- She cheated.
- No I didn't.
Yes you did. You had a tell, I saw it.
- What tell?
- When you have a weak hand,
you sit up straight to
look more confident.
Oh, you mean this tell?
The tell I purposely made to fool you.
You saw what I wanted you to see.
Who do you think you are?
Don't start something you can't finish.
Oh, I'll finish. Trust me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ladies, calm the f*ck down.
You and me, right here.
This is not what our
establishment caters to.
I have discretional rights. It's a bet.
Double the table or nothing. You and me.
I'll take that bet.
- My money's on Jordona.
- Jordona.
Taking the blonde.
Getting in on this?
This will start and end when I say.
What are you doing?
I just won us a ton of money.
You did not have to do this.
You did your part. Now I'm doing mine.
- This is what I'm good at.
- What about your back?
I will literally fight through it.
I'm not going home with nothing.
Once again, why are we
resorting to violence?
- Because it's America.
- Oh.
I don't know which one.
You better get a bet in
before the fight starts.
Are you seriously letting this happen?
I can use this to petition
the board to have her removed.
- Ballsy.
- I'm not going to miss her.
And it won't be too bad if
she loses a couple teeth.
Done with your pep talk, honey?
I'm not your honey, but
you could be my b*tch.
I grew up fighting with three brothers.
What makes you think that you can beat me?
Because I have a fire inside of me,
fueled by years of dealing with impatient,
ungrateful assholes like you.
My rage is literally at
surface f*cking level.
Blonde.
Begin.
f*ck.
Hurt your fun bag, b*tch?
Dislodge your IUD, b*tch?
Lia, back.
- Oh my God.
- Okay.
- Is that good?
- Yeah.
Okay. Go get her.
Yeah.
Who headbutts?
This b*tch.
Oh my gosh.
How's that million dollar smile?
b*tch!
Yo Adrian, I did it.
Oh no, you have head
trauma. My name's Lia.
I love you.
You're done.
Vega.
Oh, all right. Come on.
Pay up. Blondie won.
I know, I know. Here's your money.
Oh, yes. you Thank you.
I'll need you to sign
this before you are allowed
to leave so you don't hold the liable
for damages from this little sh*t show.
- Let's go home.
- Yeah. Let's get outta here.
Oh.
All right. Let's take a peek.
- That bad, huh?
- Yeah.
Let's keep this on here a little longer.
No, no. I wanna take a look.
Okay.
You know, that's not
as bad as I thought.
So, how much did we make?
Oh, we made enough to
last well into next year.
Plus we'll have even more
when unemployment comes in.
Oh, we deserve this.
Yeah. We do.
Ooh, I hurt all over.
Well, here. How about you focus on this?
Come on. Work it girl.
- Show me your A game.
- Don't make me laugh.
That hurts.
I want you to move that mouth.
Ow. Don't make me laugh.
It hurts.
You're cleaning this up, you know.
No, you are, 'cause you're not dancing.
Hey boss. New girls are here.
- Ah, Jean sent you?
- What gave it away?
Ah, follow me please, ladies.
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss your bride.
- What happened here?
- What happened to your face?
- Occupational hazard.
- What is going on here?
Well, ever since the
government shut the restaurants
and the bars down, we
had to make ends meet,
so we became a chapel.
The takeout wasn't working out.
So we had to figure
other ways to make money.
That's actually a pretty cool idea.
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
So how are you two doing?
- We're good.
- Yeah.
Oh my God. What happened?
We went a hand to poker and
I had to beat a b*tch up
for our money in this secret underground
James Bond type nightclub.
- What?
- Long story.
Oh.
It's nice to see you.
- Oh, okay guys.
- Oh, oh, oh, sorry.
Sorry.
I really missed you.
- I missed you too.
- Oh, yeah.
You look like sh*t.
Thanks.
Can we come hang out with
you guys if we get married?
Absolutely.
Who said anything
about us getting married?
Hey everyone. Happy 4th of July.
Lia. Let's get some shots going in here.
I'm a customer now. I'm not serving.
You're leaving us?
I got my CPA license.
Apparently I'm really good with numbers
and memorizing tax law.
Oh man.
I got shots.
Let's do some shots.
Hey, hey. Hey Joshua. Hold on.
How about a shot for the birthday girl?
Proud dad right here.
- How old are you turning?
- 22.
22? All right.
Ready for your birthday shot?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I'm gonna have you turn
around. Tilt your head back.
Open your mouth.
Hey Jocelyn, me too. Me too.
Oh my God, I am so
sorry. Got held up at work.
Eric formed his LLC wrong and
his books are all jacked up
and he thought he could
claim his dog as a dependent.
Blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna press play.
- Wait.
- Hurry up, b*tch.
- Okay.
- Finally.
The wizard.
I thought I lost you.
Our love beat death.
What?
Why would you k*ll them off
just to bring them back the next episode?
That's bullshit.
f*ck this show.
Strolling through a town that I know
No way to leave, nowhere to go
Stuck in a rut of vice and woe
Study my steps
And go with the flow
Ode to the alley, it's the
roughest place I've ever been
It's the roughest place I've ever been
Dusty's dice are thrown on the floor
A tall glass of whiskey, no more
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
15 Days (2025)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters
Watch on Amazon Merchandise Collectables
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.
Valentine's Day, Hot, Steamy, Sexy, Romantic Movie Collection.