02x07 - H1TNRVN

[bunniefuu]

- Oh, yeah.
You're ready to m*rder.

Come on, dammit.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Stress wrenching, huh?

I figured you was
over here wrenching

because of your fine-a*s sister,

which I get.

But now that I see
your sorry-a*s face,

it ain't all grief.

You lookin' guilty
as a m*therf*cker.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, all right?

I did something
behind Quiet's back.

- So?
- So?

I don't know what
I'm gonna do about it, man.

I never lied to her before.
- Hold up.

You saying you never lied
to your girl before?

- No.

Hey!
What you doing, man?

- Just checking to see
if your b*tch a*s

got any nuts down there.

You're going to get your answer

when I smoke your rusty a*s.

- You make a run at me,
I will end you.

Coroner gonna list your cause
of death as everything.

Feel me?

- Mm-hmm.

- Mine.

- Heh, good morning, Quiet.

- Sorry, I slept in.

I forgot how good
a pillow feels.

Is that our g*n?

- Ah, don't worry about it.
We'll get another one.

Roadkill was begging
for some upgrades,

so I figured
I'd just jump on it.

- You're in a very good mood.
It's weird.

- I'm just excited
to get out there

and show these losers
what Quohn can do.

It's Quiet and John.

- No, I will not be
participating in Quohn.

- Th-th-that's fine.
Quohn's in the rearview.

f*ck Quohn!

Roadkill is ready to go.

The last thing
we need to figure out

is the boomerang blast.

Now do we mount it,

or do we keep it in the back
for emergencies?

Back.

- It's going to be
very hard to k*ll someone

with a g*n that heavy.

- I'll have you know,
I've k*lled tons of people

with a g*n just like this,

dozens of dudes.

I'm a frickin' m*rder sl*t.

So should we, uh...

- No, no, she's not
our responsibility.

We just have to focus
on the mission.

- Right, the mission.

- Damn, there are some
tight buttholes in here.

- We will be k*lling
each other soon.

- You're outsiders.
So what else is new?

Hey, Stretch Armstrong.

What's your sicky little wishy?

- b*tch, I ain't
telling you sh*t.

What if it's
birthday cake rules?

If I say my wish,
it won't come true.

- Hmm.

We wish for
the same thing as all parents.

For our child
to grow up happy, loved,

and wanting for nothing.

Nothing except
the end of this world

and the rise of a new reality
formed from his image.

- How about you?

Let me guess.
A complexion?

- I wish to feel warm again.

- Well, you might if you
stop lugging around

those massive f*cking igloos.
Holy sh*t.

You guys talking
about wishes? Overrated.

I don't even want one.
You know why?

'Cause I'm living
the f*cking dream.

I told my bestie over here,
and I was like,

I don't want the pressure.
You make the wish.

I don't want to be
on the hook for it.

- And my wish...
- Guess what I wished for!

I wished to exterminate
humanity,

let somebody else
take over for once.

- Now you see the sh*t
I gotta put up with?

This freak got me smelling
like Raid cologne.

- I wished for
the ability to fly.

Pretty sick, right?

I was going to wish
for a girthy ten-incher,

but, you know, I've never
had any complaints.

- I find that hard to believe.

- So what did you wish for then?

Oh, yes, I'm dying to know.

- To bring down the city walls.

- Which walls?
- Of which cities?

- All of them.

When we win, all the walls
will come down.

- Damn. You're making us all
look bad over here.

- We just think
insiders and outsiders

should finally be on
an even playing field.

- Yeah. It's time for
the outsiders

to get their fair share.

- I knew you two were stupid,

but I didn't realize
you were naive.

It'd be cute
if it weren't so sad.

- It's not naive to fight
for a better world.

Oh, listen to yourself.

Do you think you're
some kind of superhero?

Not with that greasy hair.

- O-kay, I think you look great.

And that's not objectifying.
I'm just supporting.

- People need walls.
It simplifies things.

You're either one or the other,
inside or out.

Look, all of your wishes

are f*cking stupid, okay?

Me, I'm gonna be invincible.

- Ooh, widdle baby
wants to be invincible?

Hey, hey, why don't you
wish for a diaper,

so you don't sh*t yourself
and run away?

- Hey, we got plenty of diapers
if you need 'em.

- f*ck off!

- Welcome!

To the much anticipated
first round

of the Twisted Metal tournament.



but alas, there are
only eight exit passes

hidden throughout.

Be sure to snag one,

because if you attempt
to leave the area without it,

well, you'll be
k*lled instantly.

This is warehouse
district warfare.

You'll know where
a pass is hidden

by the pillars of red smoke.

All except for you,
John and Quiet.

You two finished last
in my qualifier,

so I decided
to spice things up a bit

and give you two
a small advantage

for today's bloody festivities.

This is a radar

displaying the precise location
of all eight passes.

Cheaters!

- And that's not all.

You'll also be getting
a one minute head start.

This is bullshit!

- Do you have a problem

with the way
I'm running my game, Raven?

Good.

I hope you and your vehicles
are ready, my drivers,

because it's time
for the tournament to begin!

- So, what do you think,
it's like a compass,

one of those arrow things?

Yo, maybe it's a line

that shows you
what road to drive down.

That'll be sick!

- Whatever it is,
I don't think it's worth

the target you put on our backs.

- Come on.
Giving us an advantage

is like giving a lion
a submachine g*n.

We're going to crush this round.

And the next round
we're going to destroy,

and the round after that

better kiss
its sorry a*s goodbye.

- Okay, well, let's just focus
on this round first.

- Focus?

I thought
she should come with us.

To remind us of the mission.

She would want to be here.

Here we go.

Roadkill,
your one minute begins now!

- Let's tear this sh*t up.

Okay.

Looks like
the closest pass is east.

Turn right here.

Got it.

- Dude, turn!
- Got it!

Not left, right!

sh*t, John.
Take the next left.

- Got it.

John!

- John, you good?
- Yeah.

I have a great idea.

How about you drive
and I do the map thing?

- But I drove last time.
- I know, but, uh,

this is really important,
and I really love maps.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Ow. Jeez, ow! Oh, f*ck.
What the f*ck, John?

My bad.

- Jesus.

We can't blow this head start.

- Stand down, Stu.

- Oh, good, 'cause we're
running out of this stuff.

- No, this isn't
about conservation.

Yesterday,
I really lost my cool.

But you've inspired me
to not hold grudges.

- So you don't hate
Grimm anymore?

- Oh, no. I want
to rip out his spine,

but that does nothing
for my legacy.

History remembers
the winner, Stuart.

And much like the one-eyed
Admiral Horatio Nelson,

I've got my eye on the prize.

- Yeah, well, we could
all live our lives

a little more
like Horatio Nelson.

Make a left, I think.

Oh, sh*t!

You should have went right.

- Jesus, John,
we have the advantage.

Get it together.

- I'm sorry.
- There's so many triangles.

What was that?

Our minute's up.

There goes our head start.

Don't f*ck me now!

- Outta my way, kids!

Beep, beep!

Axel coming through!

- Yes.
- Thank god.

Oh! Whose hand
is that?

- Who cares?
Let's just get the pass

and get out of here.
- Relax.

Look, even with the radar,

it took us a while
to find this place.

So it's going to take
the others just as...

Hey, there!

Four of us going after one
hot ticket?

Reminds me of the blow bang
Where I met Brenjamin.

My jaw still clicks.

- Well, looks like
we're having a party.

And what's a party
without a clown?

- Two clowns!

- Keep your hands
off the hand, you weirdo.

It's mine!

No, no!

- Fly, my little penguin!

- Stop him, Preacher!

- That baby's got a g*n!

Yes!

Whoo! I got it!

Go, go, go, go, go.

Get your hands off, b*tch.

I called dibs!

- Come on, Stuart,
let's scoot out of...

- Oh, man, I messed up.

- Nope, not gonna dwell on this.

There's still a few passes left.

- What is this ice made of?

Who the f*ck shot that?

Oh, yeah, baby!

Oh...

Looking for this?

- Yeah.
And I'm gonna take it.

I'd like to see you try.

You know, I'm not afraid
to hit a girl.

- Good. 'Cause I'm not afraid
to smash a p*ssy.

You done yet?

- No, just needed a hand.

Wait!

- Oh my God.

Oh my God, I f*cking k*lled him.

Oh my God.

Sixth pass has been secured.

Two remain.

- What the hell happened to you!

- It turns out Vermin
can really fight.

I can't believe
the creepy crawler lady

got the pass.

sh*t.
It was in my hand.

- Jesus, what the f*ck
is going on today?

- It's my fault.
I'm tilting.

- What the hell is tilting?

- You make a few mistakes,
then you get in your head.

- No more superstitious
bullshit.

We're a team, right?
So we fix this.

- You're right.
- Hey, there are two more passes.

One's a few blocks away.

- All right,
I'm taking a shortcut.

Come on!

Now your superstitious bullshit
is rubbing off on me.

- f*ck!

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

Yes!

Welcome back, Chuckie Floop.

- Holy sh*t, who said that?

New driver detected.

Would you like me
to create a new profile?

- f*ck! Fine,
start a new profile! Go.

Acknowledged.

New primary driver accepted.

Please state your name.

- f*cking Mayhem.
Just come on!

Welcome aboard, f*cking Mayhem.

- Holy sh*t,
a car that talks, okay.

God damn it.

God, m*rder makes you
extra sweaty!

Initiating AC.

- Ah, thanks!

Okay, you can turn off!

Turn off!
Turn the f*ck off!

Acknowledged.

- All right, you got a name?

My current designation VIN

is number 4, B as in Boy, 1,
Q as in quattro...

- Yeah, Quattro's fine!
You got to move faster.

Designation updated, Quattro.

Exterior damage sustained.

Shall I initiate
autonomous navigation?

- No, I don't need your help.

I just need to get out of here.

Shall I initiate
autonomous navigation?

- Fine! If you think
you're so good at driving,

just do it!

Acknowledged.

- Oh, hell, yeah.

Keep it steady,

and I'll smoke all these losers.

What?

Wait, this is the end?

How'd you do that?

- Maps.
- Hmm.

- Check it out, Stu.
We're about to win.

And I didn't think
about Grimm even once,

not even his dinky little bike.

I can still hear
it buzzing in my head.

What the hell?!
- Oh, sh*t!

Hello, chaps!

Thanks for the lift, Marcus.

- Son of a b*tch.

That's not in the spirit
of competition.

I'm going to file a complaint.

g*dd*mn it!

If that son of a b*tch
didn't get in our way

we would've come in first.

- They, um...
- No, Stu.

No words.

- Not trying to add
any pressure,

but FYI, there's one pass left.

This is our last shot.

- f*ck!

Ah, sh*t! Those holy assholes
beat us to it.

- It's almost time
for Preacher's ba-ba.

And no one f*ck
with ba-ba time!

- I'm getting
that goddamned pass.

Cover me.

- You look mad.
- It's been a sh*t day.

Give me that pass.

- sh*t!

I really should have tested
this sh*t before now.

- My milking titty.

- Ew, it got on my hand!

- Where the hell did he go?

I got the pass!

- Go, go!

Quiet, we gotta go!

- Go, go, go, go, go, go!
f*ck!

John, this is it.

If we don't get that pass,
it's over.

- sh*t, he's fast.

- Preacher, we could really use
your guidance right now.

- k*ll them.

He is risen!

I k*ll them in your name,
Preacher!

- Oh my God.

- Our father who art a baby,
hallowed be thy d*ck...

- Huh, boomerang blast.

- Do you see the pass?

- I hope he didn't blow it up.

- Just take it.
It's a baby.

- I'm trying.

He's f*ck' strong.

f*ck you, Preacher!

- John!

Round over.

- No more unwanted
back door visitors.

Seal her up.

- Are you sure you don't
want me to do it?

I have thumbs and hands.

- Harold's got it.

Stu, I've been thinking.

You know everything
I said before?

Eh, forget it all.

Grudges are back on the menu.

So are blood feuds
and vendettas.

And when it comes to k*lling,

I just gotta lead with my heart.

- You know?
- Yeah.

- Oh, sh*t.
Harold dropped the torch.

Don't pick it up.
It's hot!

Damn.

You really do know how to drive.

I hope that we can,
well, you know, if you're down,

team up again in the next round.

Saving f*cking Mayhem presets.

f*cking Mayhem presets saved.

- Hey, Quattro, could I, uh...

could I maybe ask
for your advice?

Interface battery at 10%.

Entering sleep mode.

- Yeah, okay.
Yeah.

Thanks for saving my a*s
out there, Quattro.

Acknowledged.

- Is there a lost and found
for human children?

- I'll take the baby.

What?

The child will be safe with me.

Unless you would prefer
to care for him.

- No, no, you have...
- Abso-f*cking-lutely not.

- More square footage.

- Oh, look at you.

You'll want for nothing
with Daddy Calypso.

Congratulations
on surviving the first round.

Enjoy the moment.

Things only get
harder from here.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got this little animal
to delouse.

- So you guys didn't die?

Good job.

- Thanks. You too.

- Guess I'll go clean up.

- You good?

You seem...
different.

- I'm good.

Um, I just...

well, I-I k*lled someone today.

- Oh.
Was it your first?

Oh, I just assumed...
- I had a big body count?

No. I mean,
I've done, like,

you know, hand stuff,
like stabbing and sh*t,

but never went all the way

until today.

- Wow. Okay, um, uh,

tell me everything.

Who was it?

- Don't laugh.

Chuckie Floop.

And it was kind of whatever.

- Mm-hmm, I'm not laughing.

- I guess I just thought

that my first k*ll would be,

I don't know,
with someone special?

- Ugh, no.
It's better this way.

For your first
you want to k*ll someone

you barely care about

and then never think
about them again.

You know, just get it
out of the way.

- How old were you
when you had your first k*ll?

- Well, I was a late bloomer.

There was this
blueberry picker in the O.C.

that just kept hassling me,

so I got him with my hatchet.

Although he didn't die
right away,

so I'm not sure
it officially counts.

It was just the tip.

- How's the kid?

- Uh, fine.

John...
Ow.

We can't afford
another day like this.

This is life and death.

- It was just a bad day.
I mean, sh*t happens.

- Not like today.
I've never seen you like this.

- Well, maybe the stress
of the round got to me.

Like you said,
it is life or death.

- But you were fine
in the qualifier,

With missiles
falling from the sky.

So what changed?

John?

What's going on?

Is it us?

- Is it me?
- No.

It's me.

It's all me.

I'm sorry.
- Sorry for what?

- For today,

for screwing up the radar,

for being so clumsy

on the smoothest f*cking ice
in the world,

for coming with you at all.

I lied to you, Quiet.

I made my own wish.