08x08 - Bloody Stumps and a Chemical Smell

[bunniefuu]

Why isn't that lamp on?

I made that shade for you
three sessions ago

and you've never
turned it on.

The chemical smell
coming off it

led me to do some research
on papier-mâché.

The word "flammable"
kept coming up.

Flammable, inflammable.

I can never get it straight.
Which one are kid's pajamas?

The point is,
thin smelly paper and heat

are not two things
I want to put together.

Look, I have a spare room.

I've got to do something
productive with it.

Doesn't have to be papier-mâché.

It could be something
more game-changing,

like, I don't know,
driftwood furniture.

I like it. Repurposing.

When Christy was little,
"repurposing"

was just a fancy word
for survival.

You find a TV set
on the side of the road,

you break out the glassand
turn it into puppet theater.

Inventive.

Until it gets stolen,
then you're stuck

with two potatoes
that have wigs.

Uh, by the way,
how's Christy doing?

She's great. Did you know
how big driftwood furniture was

in the '60s?

I think it's time
for a comeback,

like civil disobedience
and feathered hair.

You have no idea how great
I looked with feathered hair.

I have another client whose
daughter went away to college.

It's a big life change.

It's hard to concentrate
on what you're saying,

what with it
being so dark in here.

Fine, I'll turn it on.

Huh.

Maybe I was wrong.

Really gives the room
a nice, warm glow.

Oh!

Say what you will,
but that was frickin' cool.

♪

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Ooh.

How many dating
sites are you on?

All of them,
including Farmers Only.

I can get a whole lot
of house in Iowa.

You have a whole lot
of house here.

Yeah, but it doesn't
have a sexy farmer in it.

I don't know. I havea
bone to pick with farmers.

Why should the whole
worldhave to change their clocks

twice a year just because
theydon't want to work in the dark?

Bring a flashlight.

Jill, I think it's great
you're trying to be proactive,

but you and Andy
just broke up.

It's okay to be sad.

Nope. I'm skipping
over the "sweatpants,

"pint of ice cream, head
under the water in the tub

a little too long" stage.

Hey, what about that guy Davewho
shared at the meeting today?

Dave is two days sober.
He's still got more meth

in his system
than a rodeo clown.

Yeah, what I'm hearing is
he can stay up all night

and has laser focus.

Geez Louise, has it been


We need to feed
the parking meter.

You know, if you put more than


Don't start with me, Tammy.

Here, we should usethese nickels.

I'm going to the ladies'.

Oh, my God, she drives me insane.

I picked up on the
whole"we" means "you" thing.

You don't even know the half of it.

I mean, you guys get to
seewise, patient Marjorie.

I live with her.
I see Marjorie raw and uncut.

She lashes out if things
aren't done her way.

She hovers around me going,
"No, no, no. No, no, no."

All I can think of is what those
"No, no, no's" would sound like

under a pillow.

[muffled]: No, no, no.
That's not how you smother.

No...

Why don't you just
stand your ground?

'Cause I'm more comfortable
seething with resentment.

On my way, boss.
I hate my life.

So I'm thinking
I put my driftwood bin here,

my table saw here.

Oh, by the way, we're gonna
needto go to the beach this weekend.

No place my wheelchair
loves more than the beach.

So you're locked
in on driftwood?

I just said
I had a driftwood bin.

Yes, I'm locked in on it.

God, see, this is what
it was like for the masters.

Michelangelo's husband
sat there eating a grape going,

[Italian accent]: "I don't get
it, why paint on the ceilings?"

Little hard to keep up.

Yesterday you were
looking at kilns.

This conversation is over.

How do you stay so cool?

'Cause I know it's not about me.

She's yelling at you.
Isn't that about you?

I used to think that,
and then I saw her yelling

at a hat blowing down
the street.

Was it a fedora?
Because a lot of us were lied to

about how fashionable
those were.

I'm angry, too.

No, the point is
it's not personal.

I just wish I could be
that zen with Marjorie.

She's never satisfied
no matter how hard I try.

She has 24 different sighs
to convey disappointment.

She can even close the fridge
in a way that says,

"You've let me down."

You know, all those sentences
started with "she."

[scoffs]
Because she's the problem.

[laughs]: Hey, I get it.
It took me a long time

to learn how to live
with Bonnie.

But I started going
to Al-Anon meetings

and that really helped me
with this whole

"living with a lunatic" stuff.

I don't think I'm allowed
to go to those meetings

because I'm an alcoholic.

Oh, we have plenty
of alcoholics there.

We call you double winners.

- Double winners?
- Yeah.

I like it already.

No offense,

but I think this wood drifted
out to sea for a reason.

You know,
if you're gonna complain,

I'm not gonna make you
one for Christmas.

[thumping on door]

Hey, how you doing?

[quietly]:
You see her, too, right?

Oh, uh, wow. Look at that.
[chuckles]

Gorgeous, right?

It certainly is
a unique shape.

It's like someone
spilled something

and that spill
hardened into a table.

Are you bringing it
just to show me?

Well, it's not going
back in my car.

Oh, hi.
It's Jill, right?

Aren't you sweet
to remember?

- How have you been?
- Getting heavy.

Oh, uh, let me
help you with that.

Well, would you look at that?

Chivalry is not dead.

No, but something in this table
sure smells like it is.

That could be a sand crab.

I probably should've
let the wood dry out.

Where do you want it?
Here? Good.

This is lovely.

Big upgrade
since the last time I was here.

Oh, yeah, no lawn chairs,
it's not dark

and there's a plant in the
corner instead of me weeping.

Oh, hush that fuss.

It's nice to see
a man's sensitive side.

Okay, Scarlett.

Cutting in on my healing time.

Yeah, I should get going back
to my big old lonely house.

Uh, let me show you to the door.

It's the door-shaped hole
with the door attached to it

right behind me.

That room is just
brimming with potential,

but Adam doesn't see it.

He's just not capable
of supporting my dreams.

Well, your dreams have
been quite the moving target.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, let me see.

Um, I don't have them all,
but, uh, florist.

Cobbler.

Cartoon voice-over actor.

Mayor.

Excuse me, y-you've been
writing down what I say?

Yeah. What do you think
I've been doing?

Grocery list, drawing penises.
I don't know.

How about we step back
and examine

your recent
entrepreneurial impulses?

And where they come from.

You mean like you stepped back
to ogle my friend Jill?

What?

Oh, come on, I saw you.

You practically stepped
on your tongue.

That is ridiculous.

If you say so.

[laughs]:
Oh, I am, I'm freshly dating.

I'm not ready for divorce.

I-I mean...
You know what I mean.

Wow, it's like watching
a coming-of-age movie.

Can we please get back to you
and your creative pursuits?

Maybe I could photograph babies.

Every phone call with my mom
used to be a boxing match.

So I set a boundary.

I talk to her until I hear
the ice in her glass,

then I say,
"Bye, Mom, I love you."

Detach with love.

I don't go to bed angry,
and with all my new free time,

I learned to play the guitar.

"Detach with love."
Did she just make that up?

No, no, that's
a big one around here.

Wow, it's so weird to
hear this side of it.

I mean, technically,
I have heard this side of it,

but I wasn't exactly
sober at my intervention.

[applause]

Would anyone else
like to share?

Uh, hi, I'm Adam.

ALL:
Hi, Adam.

Uh, okay, well,
this won't take long.

I had a great week,

which is kind of a miracle
since my wife is spinning out.

Normally,
I would try to stop it,

but that's like trying
to stop a fan with your hand.

[imitates grinding] And then you
just end up with a bloody stump.

So, I just walked away.

And let me tell you,

I win all those fights
that don't happen.

Thanks.

Is that also something
you guys say?

No, that one
I just came up with.

[imitates expl*si*n]

Would our, uh, newcomer
like to share?

Oh, sure. Uh, okay.
[clears throat]

- Hi, I'm Tammy.
- ALL: Hi, Tammy.

Uh, this is my first meeting.

Um, I'm here because,
well, I live with an alcoholic.

I also am an alcoholic,

so from all of us
to all of you, sorry.

Oh, no, no, no.
That's the coffee urn.

We use the other one
for hot water.

What's the difference?

[scoffs]
"What's the difference?"

[sighs]What?

You could've saved the water.

You know what?

I love you,
and I think you got this.

God, that feels good.

What? I just Al-Anon'd the
crap out of Marjorie.

Oh, right.
You went to Adam's meeting.

So what did he say
about me?

You know I can't
tell you that.

[sighs] Thought
if I asked it real fast,

you could make it happen.

[sighs] I did another lap
around the room.

None of the guys
got better looking.

One even got worse.

You're cruising an 11:00 a.m.
meeting on a Wednesday.

What about Harry?

He gave up corn
and his eczema went away.

You know
what didn't go away?

Complaining
about his eczema.

We get it, Harry.
Move on.

Bonnie, I was thinking,
would you mind if I...

Trevor's off-limits.

But that's not what...

I-I mean, I wasn't even...

Why?

Because he's my therapist.

I like to think he folds up
at the end of the day

and goes in the cupboard.

That's true.
Therapists and magicians

should not have sex lives.

What about me? I need one.

I'd rather you date
the twitchy meth head.

Oh, he's got a girlfriend.
I checked.

Here's the thing.
The minute I decide

what I'm gonna be doing
in that room, I'm in a box.

And then, for the rest of my
life, I'm the hot palm reader

in the upstairs bedroom.

Oh, you're gonna be a psychic?

Great, you just put me in a box.

And I knew
you were gonna do it.

Perhaps your reluctance
to choose a course of action

might be tied to the room
itself.

I know.
There's a weird energy in there.

I think it might be haunted.

Or perhaps...

someone you cared about deeply
used to live in it.

I don't know
who rented it before me.

As I recall,
they left an ashtray.

God, don't you miss smoking?

Oh, I smoke.

You lucky b*stard.

Describe your last cigarette
in detail.

But before, I was referring
to Christy.

Why?

Because I was trying
to make you see

that maybe you don't want
to change the room

because, as long
as it stays the same,

then you can still believe

that Christy
might be coming back to it.

And altering it means

you might have to accept
the fact

that she might be gone for good.

That's ridiculous.

Humor me.

How about I give you
a homework assignment?

Ugh. Go on.

Before you worry
about what's going in,

how about you worry about
packing up what's going out?

Did you wear cologne
'cause you thought

you'd see my friend Jill today?

I'm sorry, we're out of time.

Can we get these
groceries put away?

Marjorie, I love you,
but I'm good.

I didn't ask if you were good.

I just want to get the salmon
into the fridge

before the cats catch on.

I love you. You got this.

We don't leave an eggy plate
in the sink without rinsing it.

I do. But I say that
with much affection.

Okay.

Time to chat.

All of a sudden,

you have been
very cold,

very distant, very...

detached with love?

Just because you've said
"I love you" a thousand times

doesn't mean it's been loving.

Well, I've been going to Al-Anon
and learning about boundaries.

I'm familiar with that program,

and you're not doing it right.

See? Always correcting me.

And I'm always pretzeling
myself to please you.

I've never even told
you I hate salmon.

[exhales] Weight lifted.

I don't think you realize
how hard you are to live with.

You have so many rules.

[sighs]
Well, it is my house.

Yes, but it happens at the
bistro, it happens at meetings,

it happened in the
dressing room at Marshalls.

I can put my own shirt on!

It was a turtleneck, Tammy.

They're tricky.

I didn't realize
you were so unhappy.

Ah. I was
unhappy,

but now I win every
discussion I don't have.

What? Something we say.
You wouldn't get it.

By the way, the cats
are going to town on the salmon.

Oh!

No, no, no!
No, no, no!

Where do you want to start?

I don't care.

This is Trevor's
lame assignment.

Okay, well, why don't
we tackle the closet first?

Oh, good idea.

Unbelievable.

Christy could've packed
this up a little. [Scoffs]

Look at all these
tiny hoodies.

You'd think I have
a ten-year-old son.

She probably left stuff here
for when she visits.

Oh, like that's gonna happen.

Of course it is.

No, she used
to call me every day.

Now I'm lucky
if she calls me once a week.

- She's busy.
- Yeah, not too busy

to have two dates with a guy.

Too busy to tell me. I had
to hear about it from Wendy.

Oh, you mean Bennett.

Bennett?!

His name is Bennett?

[scoffs]

Bet he wears
boat shoes.

Bonnie!

What? By the time
she's done with school,

she'll be too fancy
for these clothes

and too fancy for me!

Those just as easily
could've gone in the boxes.

Yeah. You're right.

Oh, she's not
gonna need this.

She's not
gonna need this.

A picture of me
she obviously didn't want.

Oh, look, the earrings I gave
her which she said she loved

but I guess not enough
to take to law school.

Okay, Bon,
come here and sit down.

What, on the bed Christy's
never gonna sleep in again?

Not gonna need this anymore!

What's going on up there?!

Don't worry!
My therapist told me to do this!

[Bonnie shouting, grunting
in distance]

What's happening?

I have no idea. One minute,
we're boxing up clothes,

- the next, she's freaking out.
- Why?

Christy has too many sweatshirts
and she's never coming home.

That's crazy.

Agreed.
Let's bail and hit a meeting.

No, I'm not gonna bail
on my wife.

But this isn't about you.
Don't get sucked in.

Bloody stumps!

Tammy, you can have boundaries
and still help people.

Bonnie! Can you come down
so we can talk?

BONNIE:
No!

You tried. Let's go.

Shh.

Oh, it's gone quiet.
That's not good.

All right, I'm gonna need
your help to get up the stairs.

Piggyback
or cradle you like a baby?

[stammers] I can handle myself.
I just need you to carry my chair.

Oh, right. God, I'm
always offering too much.

Bonnie?

Adam?

What are you doing
up here?

I came to check on you.

Seems like you're...
having a hard time.

Or maybe it always looks
like this.

I don't know.
I've never seen it.

It's usually a little neater.

So, what are you doing
in the closet?

Or do you hang out there?

I don't know.
Again, first time up here.

My daughter
abandoned me.

Aw, honey.

It's true.

I haven't wanted to face it,
but it's true.

Come here.

Trevor was right.
[cries]

The reason I couldn't figure out
what to do with this room

was because I...

I didn't want to accept
that Christy's not coming back.

I guess I just
was hoping

she'd realize she wasn't cut out
for the winter and come home.

But...

she's got a good coat.

She's thriving
without me, so...

Babe, did you ever think
that maybe she's thriving

becauseof you?

[exhales]
That's dumb.

Did you know
she's dating someone?

You mean Bennett?

[crying]:
Oh... Shh.

Christy's not gone forever.

And you've been so strong.

I'm not surprised
it's hitting you.

I have been strong.

Well, let me be strong tonight

and you just let it out.

[crying]

Am I crazy or could we fit
a Ping-Pong table in here?

Hey.

- Hey.
- [door closes]

You want some help with that?

Is that a trick question?

No.

Listen, I've been trying out
some new habits,

and I haven't quite got
the hang of it.

I'm sorry.

Well,

I have some old habits
that have crept back in,

and I'm sorry, too.

I love you.

No, sincerely.
I'm not doing the thing.

But now it sounds fake.
Forget it.

No, no, no. I...

[groans softly]

I love you, too.

[doorbell rings]

Hi.

Hi.

Bonnie's not here.

Oh, I didn't come
to see Bonnie.

I came to see you.

As a patient?

No, I already have
a therapist.

His name is Ted. He's
my personal shopper at Neiman's.

[chuckles]

I came bearing gifts.

Wow, this is nice.

I made it.

I'm a little crafty, too.

Oh, a lot crafty.
[chuckles][chuckles]

Last time I was here, I noticed
you had a naked tissue box.

I'm comfortable
with all things naked,

but, in your
line of work,

I thought it might be nice
to spruce it up a bit.

Thank you, Jill.

Now every time somebody
has a nervous breakdown,

you'll think of me.

[chuckles]
I will.[chuckles]

Oh. Um, unfortunately,
I'm expecting a client.

Oh. No worries.

I got to go anyway.

I'm parked next
to a karate studio.

See you round.

[chuckles softly]

See ya.

[whispers]:
All things naked?

Huh.

Perfect fit. Hmm.

[clears throat]

[inhales, exhales]