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02x05 - Any Five Year Old Can Do It

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Sooty Show". Aired: July 30, 1968.*
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Children's slapstick show with the little bear glove puppet and his friends.

02x05 - Any Five Year Old Can Do It

Post by bunniefuu »

[Music]

[Music]

la

[Music]

welcome to today's big race you join us

at a very tense time with only seconds

to go to the Finish sui has the red car

sweep is in charge of the white car and

both drivers are driving superbly as

they have throughout this dramatic race

just look at the speeds they're reaching

along the straights there's less than a

lap in it as the end of the race gets

closer it's St in the lead by half a lap

can he hang on to retain his title of

champion of the household it's looking

good as he Powers his car around the

corner and towards Victory it's a matter

of seconds he's almost there he's he's

oh and he's blown it oh what an upset

he's out of the race which means that

the opposition sweeps to

Victory come on Su cheer up you know I

know why you lost that race I mean it

was because you saw you were winning and

you just pushed that little bit too hard

how do I know what do you mean if I

wasn't there oh well that's just

experience so experience you know

experiences why people like me know so

much more than people like you I mean

look take for example Sue's tape

recorder that was broken now I don't

know anything about tape recorders

really but I stripped it down and then

using common sense and drawing upon all

my experience I fixed it and now it

works perfectly just press play and see

go on press

it

oh yes very very funny very

funny Matthew it says here under this

plate fine bone china why do they call

it bone china do you know uh yes it's

because they actually use crushed up

animal bones to make it oh oh you are

clever how do you know things like that

oh experience so experience actually I

was just saying to suti a while ago that

it's surprising how much knowledge you

actually pick up as you go through the

ears oh he's coming now oh sweep as well

what's this what is this you've got boys

it's a

caret uncle Colin sent it Uncle cin

spoils you he doesn't hey look at this

just look goodness me it looks a bit

complicated doesn't it it does I mean

just for a start look at the

instructions

there you you can see the the engine

that's right the silver piece there

that's the engine and Sue hang on a

minute look what about uh this do you

know what that is Sue it's a

banana no it's not a banana that's

actually a wheel a tire look Matthew I

know it's a wheel and just because I'm a

girl you don't have to treat me like a

fool all right all right so ter is just

trying to give you some of the benefit

of my experience you're going to start

assembling it no no no no no no then

you're going to help listen listen s you

can't do that you're going to need more

than sweep's help I mean you better off

waiting until I got time to help you

don't you think I mean just just just

think about it don't you think you

should just let me and all my experience

help

you yes I think so uh by the way Matthew

have you looked at my cassette player

yet uh I'm actually working on that at

the moment so you changed your mind

you're going to assemble it now but hang

just a minute hang on you just goodness

me you just can't tell some people but I

can't help feeling that they'll be

sorry why well turning down my offer of

help like that soon

actually it is very very rude to turn

somebody down when they're offering to

help so if they're going to get on with

their bit of construction I can get on

with mine look at this

suit assemble it yourself a rocking

chair oh super when did you get that I

got it yesterday and I'm going to

assemble it right now or would you like

a hand Matthew I'd love to help you a

hand well from you no no I think I can

uh I think I can manage this on my own

thank you very much so as a matter of

fact to somebody with all my experience

this is going to be easy peasy lemon

sque squeezy oh that Matthew makes me so

cross sometimes I thought it was

supposed to be rude to turn somebody

down when they offer to help you know he

could do with taking down a peg or two

and I know exactly the person to do it

me excuse

me right uh nuts and bolts glue

instructions ah you see experiences has

taught me it's a good idea to have

everything laid out before you actually

make a start experience has also taught

me that skipping ropes don't move on

their own I think I got a little visitor

hang on a minute yes I have look who it

is little cousin

scampy you want to help well I'm afraid

that you can't help little cousin scampy

so go and join Sy go on off you pop what

I thought no no no no come back here put

the skipping R down just leave it where

it is okay off you go I thought what I

might wait just leave it where it is

thank you very much I thought what would

you put

just leave it where it is I thought he

is na would you come back it's very

strong for a little

bit

you I can't believe how strong

ising

with look let go come here come here

look if I let make your help will you

behave yourself you will well in that

case um you can be in charge of the nuts

and bolts okay just just put them there

and leave them there okay you just make

sure they're all right okay what I

thought we what I thought we could do no

they were all right where I put them

just leave them leave them just

there what I thought we could do I

thought

[Music]

stop it stop it stop it we're getting

nowhere we've been here 5 minutes

haven't done a single thing I wonder how

su's getting

[Music]

on

[Music]

well done little cousin scampy now we

should have three back struts of equal

length

oh

right I'm gripping it scampy put the

glue on the joint put the glue on the

joint no no no no not not not on my fing

not on my finger oh for goodness

sake look at that nice high gloss

finish scampy

it's covered in swust

now

oh

finished what's this

oh oh

no never mind never mind because in my

experience these chairs can be just as

strong even with a strut

missing solid as a rock this no way is

this going to come apart and now to get

it

downstairs here we

[Music]

go

uh oh um

as a matter of fact Su I think it's

perfect it was just maze to go in the

Loft oh don't be silly Matthew why don't

you just admit it you made a stupid

mistake yes he's right Matthew the chair

should be down here but Matthew built it

in the Loft sweep and now it won't come

down I could have told you that if you'd

let me help yes well it was the help

that I had that caused the problem in

the first place and I'd rather that you

didn't actually call me silly Sue well

it wasn't very clever was it yes well

when it comes to cleverness I think I'm

clever than you three put together what

you don't think so neither do you me

neither well I tell you what I'll accept

any Challenge from you lot oh right

you're on bring them up boys go on bring

them up bring what up what you what are

these oh just a minute these are these

are baby game

yes well in that case it should be easy

peasy lemon squeezy eh well what do you

have to do well if I'm correct you got

to tip the suties out and then try and

put the right sized suti back into the

right sized hole am I right Su

absolutely right Matthew wow that is

Mega difficult that is that's enough

rudness come on tip your suties out okay

I'll tip my suties out I'll even mix

them up for you there we are okay are

you ready then Matthew ready sue a

person my experience is always ready

okay go right go go right okay putting a

s in the right size hole that is that

the big one no well they're doing rather

well actually uh there we go your

fingers and thumbs when you try to do

yipp finished we won no just

uh finished

finished that's a a drawer I think yes

absolute rubbish Matthew you lost didn't

what do you mean I lost how do you mean

I lost what I've lost a game for

babies yes what about my experience well

has it happen sweep I am not very

experienced at doing baby games as a

matter of fact I'll tell you why I lost

I'll tell you why it's because I'm uh

I'm feeling weak weak through lack of

food that's what it is because I haven't

had any breakfast no lunch yeah week

through lack of food after lunch it will

be different after lunch it will be a

different matter and I will accept any

challenge that you care to throw at me

in that case we'll challenge you to a

treasure

[Music]

hunt don't do that sweep that

hurts I said don't run it into people

sorry so what what do we have to do well

it's you against suty it's treasure hunt

you're to find the treasure by following

the

clues easy peasy lemon squeezy well you

haven't done too well so far today have

you all right all right let's get on

with it where's the first

clue it's here and may the best man win

a car will get you started on your

journey a car will get you started on

your wo I've got

[Music]

it

a car will get you started on your

journey now we came here in my car so

the next clue must be in my car H I'm

cooking come on come

[Music]

on a four-legged friend has a message

under his

shoe I can't find this next

clue it's here somewhere you know it's

got to be I mean there isn't another car

here is there

so yes there

[Music]

is stupid of me

stupid hang on he's got it he's got it

it must have been on a little car all

the

time it is it's

here a four-legged friend has a message

under his

shoe a four-legged friend has a

message I know what this one is and su's

running the wrong direction because look

over there a for Leed

[Music]

friend look at this four-legged friend

and the message is under his shoe

slipper shoe so the message is

written there's nothing here perhaps it

means under his foot there's a good boy

there's a good

boy oh it's not

here

[Music]

please tell me please tell me where the

clue is otherwise Suchi

would look find another Workhorse with a

message for

you oh

[Music]

no of course the message under his shoe

a horseshoe here's the

message find another Workhorse with a

message for

you another

Workhorse

choking here Dobbin Dobby Dobby

[Music]

Doby black and white and beautiful will

deliver your

reward Dobbin I can't see another horse

anywhere I'll ask at The Farmhouse

clever idea

eh

[Music]

bye fool

[Music]

fool there is another the horse the

tractor is called the Workhorse go go go

got to find the tractor come on you're

just going to find the

tractor where's the tra here it's

here the

tractor work horse this is

it there's no sign of suti perhaps he's

not here where's the clue where's the

clue black and white and beautiful will

deliver your

reward black and white and

beautiful black and white

and an attractive zebra Crossing now

that couldn't be get black and

white I've got it I've got

it oh

no black and white and beautiful will

deliver your award but you got it didn't

you and so since I am black and white

and beautiful I will deliver your award

come

[Music]

here congratulations suti you win and

and you lose Matthew but uh never mind

put it down to experience

[Music]

eh that feels better

I've had a nice long bath well actually

I needed to didn't I I mean I was

covered in grease and oil and uh all

sorts of

things look at this look look look look

my my rocking chair 10 out of 10 for

observation Matthew super but who uh who

did this well I put it there whilst you

were having a bath you did but how oh

easy I just dismantled it following the

instructions as you said Matthew it was

easy peasy it actually says on the box

any 5-year-old can do it but but Sue

this this must have taken you ages oh

not really actually I had time to do a

spot of baking as well it's a fluffy

sponge cake it's just cooling what you

mean you you baked this yes well don't

get over excited it was only from a

packet it was very easy any 5-year-old

can do it do you know something Sue

you've really put me in my place haven't

you I mean I'm not really much you s I

I'm I'm a failure and you know what it

is it's you being so good at everything

that makes it seem so much

worse I'm hopeless I mean even with all

my experience I could never bake a

fluffy sponge cake like

this oh dear just a

minute

Sue suy C

you're not perfect either are you this

isn't a fluffy sponge cake it's rock

hard Miss smarty

PS it's evening time in su's house Sue

is fast

asleep and so is

sweep but there's no sign of

suti I wonder where he can be

oh hello don't worry about Sue and I by

the way we haven't really fallen out as

a matter of fact I think we've all

leared quite a lot today haven't we suti

oh and in case you're wondering why Su

is up so late the fact is that I'm

trying to assemble this uh this shelf

unit here and sui offered to help so uh

I let him as a matter of fact this is on

the box here so easy to assemble that

any 5-year-old can do it so uh I've got

myself a 5-year-old and he's doing it

take it away s you're quite right he

says we better say goodbye first so

bye-bye everybody bye-bye okay off you

[Music]

go