Naked g*n, The (2025)

[bunniefuu]

-Go, go, go, go!

-Move it, move it!

-Let's go, let's go!

-Come on!

It's a powder keg

in there.

No one moves till we

get word from the mayor.

sh**t! Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Little girl.

Stop.

Stop!

Stay down!

What do you want, little one?

Your a*s.

Boo!

Well done.

Who...

who are you?

Frank Drebin, Police Squad.

The new version.

sh**t. Um...

My name is

Sergeant Frank Drebin,

Detective Lieutenant,

Police Squad,

a special division

of the LAPD.

The day after the bank robbery

started like any other.

I woke up in

my empty cop apartment,

stared at a picture

of my deceased cop wife

and choked back cop tears.

A perfect morning? Sure.

But I had no idea what this

city had in store for me.

What the hell?

-Hey!

-There he is.

Way to go, Frank!

Thank you. Thanks, everyone.

What is this?

Don't cheer for him!

You two, my office now!

Thanks to you,

I just spent two hours

getting chewed out

by the mayor.

Apparently, some of the bank

robbers you put in the ICU,

they're lawyering up

to sue the city.

That's ridiculous.

They're criminals.

It's the law.

Since when do cops

have to follow the law?

-Since forever.

-Oh, yeah?

And who's going to arrest me?

Other cops?

-Yes.

-Is she serious?

Is he serious?

He's... no.

Look,

let me be crystal clear.

They are threatening to shut

down Police Squad because of you.

Honestly, you're lucky

you still work here

after last year's

McDonald's incident.

They wouldn't sell me

Freedom Fries.

You arrested the entire staff!

I wasn't

thinking clearly.

I was furious about the

Janet Jackson Super Bowl.

That was 20 years ago!

Not to me.

We understand, Chief.

You're right.

Good.

'Cause I'm taking you

off the bank job.

-What?

-I'm putting you on collisions.

There's a crash up in Malibu.

Yes, ma'am. Thank you.

And make sure your bodycams

are actually turned on!

Got it. Camera will be on.

Drebin!

It's a new day

at Police Squad!

Things are changing

so fast around here.

I guess you really

can't fight City Hall, huh?

No. It's a building.

Now, there's a real man.

They just don't make 'em

like your pops anymore.

I'm glad he's not around to

see what Police Squad has come to.

Mind if I take a minute, Ed?

Of... of course.

Hi, Daddy. It's me, Frank Jr.

I want to be

just like you, but...

at the same time,

be completely different and original.

So, if you're proud of me,

give me a sign, like...

maybe make me see

an owl or something.

Hey, Dad.

It's me, Ed.

Boy, do I miss you.

Hey, Pops.

Mm-mm.

Ed and I pulled up to the

Malibu car crash around 2:00 p.m.

Nothing unusual.

But in this city,

usual is unusual... usually.

What the hell?

So how was your

date last night, Frank?

Ah, I couldn't go

through with it.

-You canceled?

-Nope.

I didn't want to upset her,

so I had Officer Barnes tell

her I was stabbed to death.

You're a real

romantic, Frank.

But everyone needs someone,

even a widower like you.

I'm just not ready

to open myself to love again.

I had them wait to clear the

wreck so you could get eyes on it.

Crash happened

around 4:00 a.m.

Well, there are no skid marks

on the road.

He didn't hit the brakes

before going over.

Drunk?

A little. Just enough

to wake me up.

Fancy car.

Yeah, it's one of those

new EdenTech electric ones.

Electric, huh?

I remember when the only things that

were electric were eels, chairs,

and Catherine Zeta-Jones

in Chicago.

Empty pill bottles.

Huh.

Who was he?

Simon Davenport, 53 years old.

No wife, no kids.

He's got a sister

out in Hancock Park,

but we don't really know anything

about her other than her name.

Beth Davenport.

Divorced, 5'6", 130 pounds.

Spitfire of a personality.

Self-proclaimed chocoholic.

Likes outdoorsy things but is just

as happy curling up with a good book.

All right. I've seen enough.

Mark it as suicide.

Go ahead!

Bring in the crane!

-Oh, my God, it's up!

-Wait, I got to see what I got!

-Yes, I got it!

-Come on, man!

She can't even sing!

-Lieutenant?

-What's up, Barnes?

Look, I know you're off the bank job,

sir, but I could really use your advice.

-Go for it.

-Look, it's the strangest thing.

All the thieves had never

met each other

and none of them knew

who they were working for.

Brilliant!

If they don't know anything,

they can't squeal.

Whoever orchestrated

this is very smart.

And get this.

The robbers were told

that they could keep the cash.

Who organizes a bank robbery

and doesn't keep the cash?

They must have been

after something else.

Why don't you bring in

one of the perps?

See if we can

get them talking.

Got it. Thank you.

Heads up, Frank.

You got a visitor.

I told her to wait outside,

but she just walked in.

You want me to get rid of her?

No.

That's okay,

I'll deal with it.

Oh.

Over here, Lieutenant.

I'd sworn off love

after my wife died,

but this woman was put

together in all the right ways.

Face, head, shoulders,

knees and toes.

Knees and toes...

and a bottom that would make

any toilet beg for the brown.

Sorry to keep you

waiting, ma'am.

How may I help you?

You're wrong

about Simon Davenport.

He wouldn't commit suicide.

Simon Davenport.

The stiff from

the Malibu crash.

That stiff was my brother.

Oh, I mean... he wasn't

that stiff, really.

Not yet.

More floppy and bloated.

No, I mean, I'm so sorry

for your loss.

Please, take a chair.

No, thank you.

I have plenty

of chairs at home.

Now, Mrs...

Davenport.

Miss Beth Davenport.

-Mr.?

-Drebin.

Miss...

Detective Frank Drebin.

Detective, I think

someone m*rder*d Simon.

Really? What makes

you think that?

Well, he called me last night.

He said he was in

some kind of trouble.

So we made plans

to meet this morning.

Does that sound like someone

who's planning to k*ll themselves?

No, it certainly does not.

Why would someone

do that to him?

Trust me,

there's always a reason

to k*ll someone.

Did he have an

obnoxious laugh?

No.

Forgive me,

I'm just not myself.

That's okay.

I'm not you, either.

Tell me,

what did your brother

do for work?

Computers.

He was a programmer

for Richard Cane.

The genius who's gonna save the

world with his electric cars.

Well, he's the first person

you should talk to.

Then you could check Simon's driving

records and see if they match.

Whoa, whoa. Slow down there.

Excuse me?

Let's just leave the

police work to me, okay?

Oh. I see.

Same old story

with guys like you.

Guys like me?

Stubborn old men who think

they know what's best.

I understand you're upset,

but this is what I do.

If someone did off your

brother, I'll find him.

I appreciate that, Detective.

But Simon was all I had.

So you'll forgive me if I don't just

sit around and hope you do your job.

That's exactly what

I expect you to do.

When I have something,

I'll contact you.

I'm doing a series

of book readings this week.

You can find me there.

Book readings?

Yes. I write

true-crime novels

based on fictional stories

that I make up.

Yes, well,

you may write about it,

but I live it.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

we're having a birthday party

and I'm the best singer

in the office.

On second thought,

I will take that chair.

Whoa.

I couldn't remember the last

time someone had talked to me like that.

It was the kind of dressing

down you usually have to pay for

in the basement of a laundromat.

But she...

She had the kind of hips

you wanted to put a hula hoop

on and spin.

The kind that made you...

Fellas, do you mind?

I wasn't convinced Simon

Davenport had been m*rder*d.

But the case was starting

to give me an itch.

And when I start to scratch,

I don't stop till I break skin

and the doctor

makes me wear mittens.

Thanks.

-Coat check?

-Champagne?

Richard Cane had made his

first fortune in microprocessors,

and then used it to build a

vast online retail marketplace

and green technology empire.

Then, suddenly,

the bear charges towards me.

I ready my knife,

and he barrels right past me

to a honey hive

above the campsite!

It had been there all along!

And I hadn't seen it.

Ah. You've arrived.

Lieutenant Drebin.

-Me, too!

-I'm Richar...

Richard Cane.

Please, walk with me.

So, what can you tell me

about Mr. Davenport?

Simon was

a brilliant engineer,

and one of our best.

I had no idea

he was so terribly depressed.

Suicide is a dreadful thing.

Possible suicide.

You suspect something foul?

No. A chicken probably

couldn't do this.

But I'm not ruling

anything out.

I see.

Was this one of the projects

Simon was working on?

No, what you see here

is a red light therapy machine

proven to

increase testosterone.

Did you know that men's sperm

count is at historic lows

-across the board?

-Fascinating.

I've never put my

sperm across a board.

I have an old Bon

Jovi T-shirt for that.

You know, I hope you don't think

it's awkward my saying this,

but I'm actually

a big fan of yours.

-Is that so?

-Yes.

I read about your work

at the bank robbery.

Guys like you

are a dying breed.

-Guys like me?

-Yes, men of action

who don't ask permission to

fix what they know is broken.

I'm surprised to hear

you say that,

coming from someone

who's so into these gadgets.

Oh. You don't enjoy the

marvels of the modern age?

No offense, but the world

was better before.

I agree,

but don't tell anyone.

Uh, cigar?

Looks it to me.

No, would you like one?

Smoking indoors?

Care to write me a ticket?

That matchbook.

I've seen it before.

It's the Bengal.

It's a supper club I own

for some of the city's elite.

It's the kind of place where

men can be themselves,

have a few drinks and, uh,

like the Black Eyed Peas

once said,

"get Ret*rded in here."

You can still say that word?

In my club, you can.

Well, I love

the Black Eyed Peas.

-Who doesn't?

-I know a few people.

-They're fools.

-I know.

-will.i.am.

-apl.de.ap.

Taboo.

-Don't forget Fergie.

-I would never forget Fergie.

The Dutchess.

Well,

if you need anything,

please don't

hesitate to call.

Thank you. I'll be in touch.

-Uh, it's that way.

-Of course.

Huh.

Why don't we get Mr. Drebin

a little gift for tomorrow?

The EdenVox-1.

Police Squad's first ever

fully automated, self-driving

electric vehicle.

A gift we just received

from Richard Cane.

You must've made some kind of

impression last night, Frank.

Yeah, it would seem so.

-Coffee?

-Yes, thank you.

Don't be

shy, fellas. Come check it out.

Snug.

All electric.

Zero to sixty in 3.1 seconds.

I guess that's good.

Watch this.

Car, open doors.

-Neat trick.

-Now you try.

Car...

please, close doors.

Hey!

Pretty fun, I guess.

Okay, how about this? Car...

drive forward 30 feet.

-Pretty smooth.

-All right.

Impressive.

Hey! Guys?

-Freeze!

-Don't--

I tell you, this place

is falling apart.

I got half a dozen witnesses

that place you on the scene.

We know you were at the bank!

I'm telling you,

I wasn't there.

Thanks, Park.

This is quite the rap sheet

you've got here.

It says you served 20

years for "man's laughter."

Must have been quite the joke.

You mean "manslaughter"?

Well...

we know your boss

didn't want cash.

So what was the point of the robbery?

What did he want?

I... wasn't... there.

You think you're so smart.

Well, I think my bodycam

might tell a different story.

Ed?

Technology really

is something.

Police Squad is all about

"transparency" these days.

Dispatch, this is Drebin.

10-7.

Oh, yeah!

A chili dog.

Mm-hmm!

Breakfast of champions.

And a little

black coffee.

Okay, you can

fast-forward a bit.

License and

registration, please.

Uh...

Uh...

This isn't mine.

Excuse me.

Oh, boy. Listen, uh,

you seem like a decent fella.

I'm gonna let you off with a warning.

Have a great day, bye.

It's much later in the day.

Fast-forward a while.

You'll see. Just wait.

I need a bathroom. Oh, God.

Come on, move, move, move!

Focus, Frank, focus.

You got this, you got this.

Maybe a little more.

I'm gonna ruin another suit!

Barnes!

Sorry.

Police business!

Uh, there is a line,

man!

Come on!

You're disgusting,

you stupid idiot.

Breastfed until you were 13,

you freak.

Can't get it up without the

stench of milk on your chin.

Don't you dare.

Don't do it. Don't eat it!

-Oh, God!

-Frank.

I had five more that day.

Feel better, Frank?

You better believe it.

Mm!

Yes!

That's you inside the bank,

plain as day.

Okay, fine.

Whoever we was working for,

they was crazy.

I mean, they just wanted us

to get some safe deposit box.

Safe deposit box.

There. Box 595.

-Ed, check the list.

-Yep.

You're not gonna believe

this one, Frank.

Simon Davenport.

So you're saying,

these two cases...

are one case.

Gentlemen, when you joined me

to launch EdenTech,

it was with one goal.

To save the world.

Together, we've created

technologies to rival the Gods.

Has the world

gotten any better?

No. It's only gotten worse.

Now, when the Founding Fathers

created this country,

they sat in a room like this,

filled with men like us,

and birthed an empire.

The USA.

Yes, that's right.

But as years went by,

other people wanted

to get into that room.

Fish people.

-What?

-Fish people.

Gills on their necks.

-I don't--

-Like mermen and merwomen.

-Mermaids.

-Right.

No, stop.

Not fish people.

Ungrateful people.

People that did not earn

their seat at the table.

People not built

like the men in this room.

Crab hands.

They had crab hands

instead of fingers.

Stop! I know what I mean.

So just let me do the talking.

-This is a crab-hand person.

-I've met him.

Put the phone away!

Now, it is time

for us to admit

that the path we are on

is not working.

The system's broken.

And what does one do when

a system is malfunctioning?

You unplug it.

And then,

you plug it in again.

I call it the Primordial

Law of Toughness Device.

Now let me show you

what it's capable of.

Last year, we set up cameras

at the local community center.

Decided to run

a little experiment.

The question.

What would happen

to modern humans

if you reverted their psyche

to an original state of nature?

When activated, the device

sends an audio frequency

that reduces the brain

to its animalistic core.

-In this case,

the frequency was limited.

But next time, it will spread

through every smart device

until the entire world

is infected.

As for us, upon detonation,

we will decamp to one of my

super bunkers around the world

where there will be

food and water,

and the best live entertainment

the world has to offer.

What's up, evil billionaires?

I am so excited to

be doing live shows

for as long as it takes,

in the Doomsday

Giggle Bunkeroom

located in Block 4

of the Arizona District.

See you there!

Amish Paradise.

Hmm.

And when the embers

have died down,

any survivors left will have

earned their place alongside us,

and we will return to a world

that is but a blank slate

upon which we can rebuild

as the founding fathers

of a new Eden.

Gentlemen, lady,

this New Year's Eve,

I give you...

Project Inferno!

It turned out that Cane's

nightclub was only half a mile

from where

Simon Davenport crashed.

And that got me thinking.

Maybe he had been there

the night he died.

So I hopped into my new

electric cruiser... -

...and told it

to head to Malibu.

Warning.

Please take the wheel.

Warning. Please take the wheel.

Warning.

Please take the wheel.

Collision detected.

Please take the wheel. -

Get out of the road! Move!

-What's wrong with you people?

-Collision detected.

What is this city coming to?

What can I get you?

I was wondering

if you could help me.

I'm looking for a friend

who may have been here before.

Nah, I haven't seen him.

-You hardly looked at it.

-I saw enough.

You don't remember me,

do you?

Should I?

My brother, you shot him

"in the name of justice."

That can literally be

thousands of people.

Shot him in the back

as he ran away.

-Hundreds.

-Unarmed.

-At least 50.

-He was white.

So you're

Tony Roiland's brother!

That's right.

-How is old Tony?

-Are you serious?

Bad.

Right.

So, your friend,

maybe I have seen him.

Maybe I haven't.

I can't remember.

-You can't remember, huh?

-Nah.

Well, maybe

this'll jog your memory.

Oh!

Ah!

Oof!

Gah!

That's better. Remember now?

Yeah, I remember.

He sat in a corner booth.

He had a drink.

But that's all I know.

Where do they keep

surveillance footage?

In the back.

But even I'm not

allowed in there.

Thank you.

And there

she was again.

I had to admit,

she was beautiful.

She had a body

that carried her head around,

and a butt that seemed to say,

"Hello, I'm a talking butt."

Elegant? Yeah, I'd say so.

Oh!

But like a teenager

with three babysitting jobs,

I didn't need another

babysitting job.

Hello, Lieutenant.

What the hell

are you doing here?

I'm doing

the same thing you are.

I told you I wasn't gonna

sit around and wait.

Listen, this isn't

one of your stories.

Average civilian women

don't suddenly solve crimes.

Oh, you read my book.

What'd you think?

I think it's a fantasy.

A woman puts on

a wig and sunglasses

and suddenly

she's an assassin?

But did you enjoy it?

It had some good parts.

Ah!

Lieutenant Drebin.

Does he know

you're Simon's sister?

-No.

-Good. Let's keep it that way.

What a wonderful surprise.

Fine, thank you.

Beautiful place

you've got here.

Can't smell

the dead animals at all.

Thank you.

Uh, can I get you a drink?

Just water. And sparkling.

And who is

this stunning creature?

I don't believe we've met.

Well, I'm-- -Uh, th...

this is Miss...

Cherry...

Roosevelt...

Fat Bozo Chowing Spaghetti.

-What an interesting name.

-Yes.

Thank you.

So, Lieutenant,

what brings you here?

I was hoping you could let me take

a look at your security footage.

Oh. May I ask why?

Go right ahead.

Uh...

Unfortunately, I can't

show you security footage.

Our members trust

that we will provide them

with the highest

level of privacy.

I hope you understand.

I'm starting to.

Well, thank you so much

for the drink.

It's getting late.

We really must be going.

So soon?

I hope you're not leaving,

too, Miss Spaghetti.

-Oh, well, I--

-Yes, she's leaving, too.

Early morning

at Disneyland tomorrow.

She's one of

those Disney adults.

Obsessed, really.

Her bed is covered in dolls.

-Oh, Miss

Spaghetti, please stay for a drink.

Uh, you don't mind,

do you, Drebin?

Be my guest.

Wonderful. I'll get a table.

You get the footage,

I'll keep him occupied.

I'm... Absolutely not!

Oh, thank you.

Wow. This place is amazing.

Ah. Thank you.

Miss Spaghetti,

may I speak freely?

I'd prefer English.

You're much too sophisticated...

...for the likes

of Frank Drebin.

Oh. I'm not with Drebin.

Oh. Well, that's wonderful news!

Oof!

Cheers.

From Bill Cosby's

private estate.

Mm.

Gah! Oof!

That hurt!

sh**t!

Mom, Mom,

now is not a good time.

Mom, please,

I'll call you back.

I got to go. I got to go.

I got to go now.

So, tell me,

what have you been

working on lately?

Oh, let's not talk about work.

Let's talk about play.

Uh, do you like jazz,

Miss Spaghetti?

-Like it?

-Hm.

-I love it.

-I love it.

Sir. Um...

We've got a problem.

Not now.

-No, it's quite...

-Not now.

Yes, sir.

This one's for my

electric new friend,

Richard Cane.

Wow!

Sassafras Chicken in D.

Make it extra lumpy, boys.

I've always said fighting

is a lot like jazz music.

A scat-like improv

where one lets imagination

take control of their body.

Huh?

Oh...

I'm fine.

Yeah!

There's two things I love.

My stay-at-home girlfriend

-and Gorilla Nut...

-Come on.

...enhanced drink

supplement for men.

Don't follow fad diets

and fake workouts.

You want to get ripped?

All you need is Muscle Slime.

Rub it on and--

Well, look at that.

And who are you, my secret

eavesdropping friend?

Douglas O'Reilly,

investigative journalist,

L.A. Chronicle.

sh**t.

It seems Mr. Drebin might be more

of a problem than we thought.

I want you to keep

an eye on him.

And make sure he doesn't cause

any more distractions.

Yes, sir.

Davis. This better be good.

He did what?

Get me Drebin this instant!

Ma'am, I'm so sorry,

but you have to listen to me.

There's something deeper

going on here.

You wake up

my husband, I swear to God...

-I'm sorry.

-What the hell were you thinking, Drebin?

Richard Cane is

a very powerful man.

And he makes a lot of hefty

donations to this city,

including the new car

you're driving.

Richard Cane is dirty.

He's involved with

the Simon Davenport m*rder.

And by the way,

the bank job, too!

You're still working

the bank job?

That's it.

You're suspended!

Suspended?

What did I say

about waking Ronald?

He has a Fitzgerald presentation

tomorrow. -

And if Morimoto doesn't accept

his vertical-integration pitch,

Bill Cantor will leapfrog him

for the third year in a row.

-But Ronald trained Bill.

-Exactly!

I've got no choice.

I'm putting you on ice.

Two weeks.

Effective immediately.

Now get out.

We're all

rooting for you, Ronald.

Give 'em hell tomorrow.

Rough night?

Oh. It's you.

Now tell me. What'd you see

on the security footage?

Listen. I feel for you.

I really do.

But I had to beat up

a lot of henchmen tonight.

Men with daughters!

Oh, come on. You wouldn't even

have seen it if I didn't help you.

Help me? That's rich.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm tired, I'm hungry.

Goodnight, Miss Davenport.

What if we had

a little dinner, together?

I sure could go for a...

bite.

Slow down, chef.

This turkey burns at 450.

-How hot was I cooking?

-About a thousand.

Turkey needs slow and low.

Unless you like

your center pink.

Oh, I love my centers pink.

You're not worried the rare

meat will ruin a good stuffing?

As long as you don't mind

if I get salmonella.

Mind it? I prefer it.

I like a sick little boy.

You're not gonna stop

hounding me, are you?

Not for a second.

Thank you.

Uh... excuse the mess.

I, uh...

haven't had the heart to clean...

...since my wife died.

My condolences.

How did she pass?

Great. Fifty yards easy.

Arm like a cannon.

And then she died.

So we'll never know

if she could've gone pro.

She was the sweetest woman

I've ever known.

She sounds like a saint.

Or maybe a Bronco or a 49er.

We would've been happy

with any team, really.

Anyone but the Browns.

That's quite a view you have.

You know, I've been drawn to the hills

ever since I moved here for college.

UCLA?

I see it every day.

I live here.

I'm afraid I don't

have much to offer.

Hmm.

However...

All that turkey talk outside

got me in the

Thanksgiving mood.

I think I have a full turkey

around here somewhere.

But my oven is filthy.

I don't mind.

I like a dirty bird.

Mm-hmm.

You weren't lying.

This oven is disgusting!

It sure was fun to talk

about a dirty bird, but...

it would be unsanitary.

Oops.

Well, hot brine

is the most important part.

It sure is.

-Uh-oh. This is my Buster.

-Oh!

-He must've

smelled what's going on.

Silly dog, that's not for you.

Ew.

Okay.

Ah.

He's so strong.

Put that down.

How about some

nice scratches instead?

Oh.

Yes.

Wow.

I don't like this.

Oh, your hair. May I?

Oh. Yes.

That's better.

Is this crazy?

It's been a long time.

I'm afraid I may have

forgotten how to kiss.

Mmm.

-Mmm.

-Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, wow.

How beautiful.

Lookin' in your eyes

I see a paradise

This world that I found

Is too good to be true

Standin' here beside you

Want so much to give you

This love in my heart

That I'm feeling for you

Let 'em say we're crazy

I don't care about that

Put your hand in my hand

Baby, don't ever look back

Let the world around us

Just fall apart

Baby, we can make it

If we're heart to heart

And we can build

This dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

And if this world

Runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Whoa, whoa

I'm so glad I found you

I'm not gonna lose you

Whatever it takes

I will stay here with you

Take it to the good times

See it through the bad times

Whatever it takes

Is what I'm gonna do

Let them say

we're crazy What do they know?

Put your arms around me

Baby, don't ever let go

Let the world around us

Just fall apart

Baby, we can make it

If we're heart to heart

And we can build

This dream together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now

Nothing's gonna stop us

And if this world

Runs out of lovers

We'll still have each other

Nothing's gonna stop us

Now

After a relaxing

weekend away with Beth...

Not again!

...it was time to

get back to the case.

So I called the

L.A. Chronicle news desk

to follow up

on Douglas O'Reilly,

but was informed that

he hadn't made it into work.

So I headed to his apartment.

Douglas O'Reilly?

Lieutenant Frank Drebin here,

Police Squad.

Hello?

Anyone home?

Oh, no.

Hey, Douglas, I stepped in

some kind of red liquid!

You got any paper towels?

I'm dragging it

all over your place.

Huh.

I picked up

your knife for you!

Where do you want it?

Lieutenant Frank Drebin.

I did it.

Okay.

O'Reilly, that you?

O'Reilly?

And that's when it hit me.

Like an idiot's

finished jigsaw puzzle,

I was being framed.

I needed to clean

the crime scene.

No body, no crime.

Hiding the body was

no longer an option.

Freeze!

It's not what it looks like!

He's running!

Car, drive.

Thank you, car.

-What the...

Car, stop it.

I said stop!

Hello, Drebin.

Mind if I take the wheel?

Cane. What's going on?

I've taken control of the car.

It's a little trick I have

for when I want

to fix mistakes.

So that's how Davenport died.

He didn't drive himself

off a cliff, you did.

Now you're getting

somewhere, Detective.

But not before he spilled

your secrets to that reporter.

So you went

and k*lled him, too.

I didn't k*ll him, Frank.

You did.

You're the crazy cop

who stabbed the reporter

and then drove himself

into the ocean.

The hell I am.

There's no escape, Drebin.

I'm just a little sad

that you won't be there

to see what I have in store when

the New Year's Eve ba*ls drop.

Oh, well. Have a nice trip.

Ohh.

Hi, Susan.

Move! Move, move!

Bees?

No. No. No!

Move! Out of the way! Move!

What? Open the doors!

You got it!

Frank! Are you okay?

Where are you?

Never mind that.

I know how Simon Davenport was k*lled.

It was Richard Cane.

He drove him off the cliff.

Well, there's a warrant out

for your arrest.

They're claiming

that you k*lled a reporter.

Say it isn't so.

It ain't so, Ed.

There's another thing, Frank.

The mayor got wind

of this whole mess

-and they're pulling our funding.

-What?

Police Squad is shut down

effective immediately.

This is all because of me.

I'll fix this.

Do me a favor, Frank.

Lay low. -You got it.

Thank you, Ed.

Excuse me, do you have

a phone I could use?

Thanks.

As soon as I could,

I called Beth to

break her the news.

It wasn't easy, but I hoped

it would bring her some peace.

Thanks.

What the hell, man?

Oh, Frank.

Thank you.

-God, you're hurt.

-It's nothing.

Don't be silly. Come in.

This is all I could find.

Might sting a bit.

Go for it.

-It's okay. Keep going.

-Okay.

Cane said he had something big in

store tomorrow for New Year's Eve.

I'm willing to bet it's whatever

Simon was trying to warn us about.

What do you mean,

something big?

I don't know.

But people could be in danger.

I see.

Frank, I have a confession.

When my brother called me

before he died,

he told me some things

that I haven't told you.

Go on.

He told me he was working on

some kind of therapeutic device.

Something to calm people down.

But he was worried now that someone

could use it to do the opposite.

-Calm people up?

-He didn't say.

He just told me that if

anything were to happen to him,

I needed to do whatever it

took to stop the device.

Those were

his last words to me.

So that's why you inserted

yourself into my investigation.

Well, at first.

And that's why you showed up

at the Bengal Club.

Yes.

And that's why you

pretended to love me. -No!

Frank...

No, how could you say that?

I can't believe I opened

myself up to love again.

I wrote that whole song about it.

I rented studio space!

Don't go, please.

Frank, please.

Look at me.

What is that?

What?

That.

That's my TiVo

that I lent you yesterday

so that you could watch

season one of Buffy.

So that you could start

getting my references.

I know that, Frank.

And I specifically told you not

to plug it into the internet.

-Oh.

-"Oh?"

That's an Ethernet cord

going from my TiVo

directly into your router,

where the internet

comes from!

I was just trying to plug it

into the electricity.

And now

they might be expired.

That means gone!

No musical special.

No Xander. No Spike.

No Cordelia Chase.

No Daniel "Oz" Osbourne.

No Willow-meets-her-doppelganger

episode. Nothing!

Sorry, I didn't know they

were so-- -

Frank, we're in the middle of

an important-- -

Just stand there.

They're gone!

It's okay.

It's just the landline.

I'll get it.

Hello.

It's Ed. I've got something.

Okay.

I'll be right there.

Ed had dug through

the bank footage

and identified a man

who'd slipped out the back,

who also happened to be Cane's head

of security and right-hand man.

If anyone knew Cane's plan,

it would be him. -

We needed to get him alone

and put the squeeze on.

But we had to do it in our own way,

-off the books.

-We're on our way now.

You're not my normal driver.

This isn't my normal car.

That's not my normal gas.

This isn't the normal way

I fall asleep.

Hello, doctor?

He's waking up.

-What day is it?

-January 2nd.

You've been here

for three days.

Three days?

What the...

Can you turn that up, please?

That won't be

necessary, nurse.

Hello, Mr. Gustafson.

You!

Surprised to see me?

Your little plan,

it didn't work out.

We stopped it.

The good guys won.

Cane's in jail.

And here's the bad news for you.

He's singing.

He told us you k*lled Simon

Davenport and that reporter.

There's talk you might

get the chair for this.

-You're lying.

-Am I?

Mm-hmm. -Then tell me

what really happened.

Yeah, right.

Tough guy, huh?

You know what happens to big pretty

boys like you in San Quentin?

Ooh! They're gonna love you.

What are you talking about?

Oh, yeah.

I've seen it a hundred times.

Massive cutie pie like you?

You'll be very popular.

First day in, probably have

your mugshot go viral online.

The "sexy jailbird."

Congrats, you're famous.

Okay.

Then one day, your new fan

army finds a legal loophole,

and suddenly, you're free!

You're back on the streets!

That's... That's not bad.

Only now,

you've got an image to uphold.

The "sexy jailbird."

Say goodbye to carbs.

Hello, intermittent fasting.

You like ramen?

Well, it's all broth for you, baby!

Not to mention,

there's a new sexy jailbird now.

And he's all about

body positivity.

He's eating burgers

on the prison Instagram

-while you're starving to death.

-No.

But your brand is skinny.

You can't change course now!

So you decide to end it.

Bang! b*llet in the head!

-I wouldn't do that.

-But you miss.

You only get the part of the

brain that regulates farts.

-No.

-Now you're a new meme,

"farting guy."

Is that what you want?

-To be "farting guy"?

-No.

-Come on, tell me, farting guy!

-No. No.

-You love it!

-No!

-Tell me! You love it!

-Stop it!

It was all Cane's plan!

It wasn't my plan!

What was?

He wanted to blast a frequency

that would infect people's brains

and turn them into savages.

-And where was he gonna do that?

-At the WWFC fight.

Downtown, midnight.

Where was he gonna

put the device?

In the New Year's ba*ls.

The ba*ls.

Hey... where you going?

I want a lawyer, okay?

I'm sorry that we framed you!

I'm sorry!

-Did you get all that?

-Every word.

We don't have much time.

It's only 90 minutes till New Year's.

What? What is happening?

How is getting

a confession like this legal?

Sometimes to get the job done,

you have to break the law.

I do it all the time.

Huh.

-Did we get all that?

-We got it.

Huh?

Internal Affairs.

You're under arrest for the ill*gal

detainment of Sig Gustafson.

No! -Ah! So you set me up.

Impressive.

Uh, just one thing,

how were you able to build

these sets so quickly?

I just told

some city contractors

that I'd pull their licenses

if they didn't help us.

-Did you get all that?

-Loud and clear.

Hector Gutierrez, Department of

Occupational Safety and Health.

Officer Barnes,

you are under arrest.

What are you doing?

-ANNOUNCER

1: Five minutes down.

There is the horn signifying

the end of round one.

This crowd

is not happy, Jon.

All right,

very exciting stuff,

but we are now thrilled to be

joined in the broadcast booth

by one of the most vicious

bare-knuckle brawlers

from the first season

of WWFC,

Dan "The Bloody Widowmaker"

Daly. Welcome, Dan.

It's weird.

I, uh... I left my wife at home

and she was wearing makeup.

Said she didn't have

any plans.

What do you think

that's about?

-I don't know.

-Me, neither.

And of course,

none of this would be possible

without tonight's sponsor,

EdenTech's Richard Cane.

The boys in the lab loaned me

these special earplugs.

They block digital frequency.

So if that b*mb does go off,

we're protected.

Nice work.

Now, where's Cane?

Cane is in the skybox.

-And what about backup?

-There is no backup.

-What?

-You're wanted for m*rder.

But Gustafson confessed.

We coerced him.

Haven't you ever heard

of the Miranda rights?

What? I'm pretty sure

it's Carrie that writes.

Miranda is a lawyer.

Charlotte's an art dealer.

And Samantha's a wh*re.

What? What is it?

I've been trying to call Beth for hours.

She's not picking up.

I just hope she's okay.

Live...

from scary downtown

Los Angeles,

this is the main event

of the evening!

Hmm.

Yeah.

-Sir?

-Yes?

Oh! Please.

Can I help you?

Remember me?

Well, hello, Miss Cherry Roosevelt

Fat Bozo Chowing Spaghetti.

I, uh,

-love your new look.

-Thank you.

Please. Join me.

Ladies and gentlemen!

It's...

time!

Check, check.

I'm on my way to the ba*ls.

Okay, Frank, comms working.

I'm in position.

We have 25 minutes.

Hey, one beer, please.

We're closed.

Man, come on.

One beer's not gonna k*ll you.

One beer.

Get lost.

How much?

It's free. Just get the

hell out of here. -

-Ed, do you hear me?

-I can hear you, Frank.

-Uh-oh. I think one of Cane's g*ons

is up there. -Come in, Ed.

-Frank, can you hear me?

-Check, check.

Somebody's up there, Frank!

A guy is up there, Frank!

Oh, God!

-What's that, Ed?

-Oh.

Uh, never mind.

Gentlemen, we've been over

the rules in the back.

I expect you to fight clean,

fight hard, fight fair.

All right, the tension

in this arena is palpable.

The moment of truth

is here, folks.

Straight to voicemail.

I'll bet she's with Gary.

Let me use your phone.

She won't know your number.

You ready?

Let's get it on!

Yeah! Let's go!

Oh!

God, I love this.

Come on!

Wunderbar!

Read any good books lately,

Miss "Spaghetti"?

Or should I say,

Miss Davenport?

I especially like the part

where the erudite housewife

transforms herself into a

would-be assassin seeking revenge,

hiding a...

...g*n...

in her garter belt.

And another...

...in the small of her back.

And a...

shotgun...

...in her beautiful...

brunette wig.

Tie her up.

Okay, Ed... I'm at the ba*ls.

I'm gonna look for the device.

Nice work, Frank.

Hey,

you got free beer?

No, there's not free--

Oh, boy.

It's got to be

in here somewhere.

Ed, come in.

Go on, take it and go.

Uh, Frank,

can you hear me?

Coker lands

a brutal knee to the chest!

I think I see it, Ed.

All right, it looks as though we're

having some technical difficulties

with the New Year's Eve ball.

I can't quite reach.

Uh.

Look at this!

The pants are off!

What the hell is going on?

All right.

I believe the TV networks

have blurred

what's happening here.

So for those of you back home,

I will try to paint a picture.

The legs themselves

are pale and white,

sprinkled with

cinnamon soft hair.

Now turning our gaze

to the middle,

where we find something

quite magnificent.

The main event,

if you will.

A grand bratwurst,

fit for the Imperial Court

of the Kaiser himself.

Or maybe a loaf

of unbaked bread

wearing an afro wig.

-I got it.

I got it, Ed.

Okay,

I'm gonna get out.

Drebin.

All right, get security

down there now!

Nothing to see here, folks!

Police business.

Please, carry on.

All right, buddy,

time to go.

Now listen to me good.

My name is Frank Drebin.

From Police Squad.

Drebin!

This event is now over.

Everyone vacate

the premises immediately.

Now!

Okay, playtime's over.

Give me the mic.

-Don't take another step, buddy!

-That's it.

Oh!

Buffer goes down!

You like watching

a real man kick a*s?

Oh!

Frank, get the hell

out of there! You've got company!

All right.

Goodbye, everyone. Uh...

Have a good night.

All right, you, you,

come with me.

Tell everybody to put in

their frequency plugs.

And her, too.

We don't want her going

crazy in here, do we?

What do you see, Frank?

The device

has some lights on it.

Various holes.

Weighs about...

two-and-a-half chili dogs.

It's got some sort of timer

on it synced up to midnight.

Hello, Detective.

Easy now. Let's have it.

Stop right there.

-Don't do it.

-Make one more move,

and I'll blow its freaking computer

brains all over this floor!

Think about it, Drebin.

Everything I'm doing

is for guys like us.

-Guys like us?

-Yes.

Powerful, righteous men,

who actually give a damn.

Come on, Frank,

you said it yourself,

"The world was better before."

What have you done?

Whoa! Ah!

Ahh.

Get out! Shh! Quiet!

"Four wheels move the body,

two wheels move the soul."

-All right.

-It's a famous quote I got from...

Quotes.com.

-Hey, boss!

-Yeah.

What do you want me

to do with her?

Leave her here.

She'll be dead by morning.

-You fellas know how to

ride, right?

Let's do it! Yeah!

Hold on.

-Whoa! Whoopsie.

-Go, go, go. No!

Look at this!

Ahh!

Stay back!

I don't want to hurt you.

To the bunker, gentlemen!

Hold, hold,

hold Hold, hold up!

Check it out

I'm the F to the E-R-G

The I, the E

Whoa!

And can't no other lady

Put it down like me

I'm fergalicious

Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Daddy?

Help me, Daddy.

What do we do?

Come on! Weird Al's waiting!

Whoo-hoo!

Just like old times.

Come on!

Let me get this guy first.

Got him!

Okay, this guy on the right.

Ew.

Come on, Daddy,

enough playing around.

Oh, thanks.

That's him! A little lower.

Okay, here.

You've got a clear shot.

Take it!

Ahh!

Whoa! That was so much!

You still got it, Daddy.

Thank you, Daddy!

You see

what you've done, Cane?

It's not too late

to stop this madness!

This isn't madness, Drebin.

This is progress!

Progress?

The needs of the few should never

outweigh the needs of the many.

There was a time

when you knew that.

So it's come to this.

The culmination

of our journey.

All this... this stuff

that's taken place

between you and me!

This, uh... -Thanks, Dave.

I got it from here.

I'm so sorry.

I messed up the lines a little bit.

No problem.

You did great. -Yeah.

-See you Sunday?

-See you Sunday.

Okay, Cane!

Please, no!

Get off me!

Stop! I'm not even

in this movie!

Somebody!

Anyway, look at us!

Isn't this beautiful?

Exactly as nature intended.

Two great Kodiak bears,

facing one another

in an epic battle

for dominance.

If it's a fight you want...

very well.

Oh!

Ow!

You hit my belly!

You hit the soft part of my belly!

What the hell?

Have you ever actually been

in a fight before?

Uh, yeah!

I have.

Oh, my God.

I think I'm gonna barf.

Is that normal?

Do you want to keep fighting?

What?

No!

My tummy still hurts a lot!

Well, in that case...

...I'm gonna arrest you.

You can't arrest me.

You still didn't catch me.

There's nowhere to run!

I won't be running.

I'll be flying.

Richard Cane...

...you're under arrest.

He won't be hurting

anyone anymore.

It's over.

Not for me, it isn't.

No. Please.

Think about this, Beth.

k*lling him

won't fix anything.

Why should I let him live?

It won't bring Simon back.

You don't know that for sure.

You're right.

Anything is possible.

But you have to let

the justice system do its job.

That's rich, coming from you.

The truth is, Beth,

once you k*ll a man for

revenge, there's no going back.

It stays with you forever,

following you like a shadow.

A voice in your head

saying over and over,

"Man, that was awesome!"

So, put the g*n down.

If not for me,

then for us.

For our future together.

I love you, Beth.

Don't throw it all away

for a few seconds of...

the best feeling you would

ever have in your life.

Go ahead.

Do it.

Who can say

Where the road goes?

-I love you.

-I love you.

Only time

Ronald, wake up!

You got the promotion!

Oh!

Bring it in.

As your heart chose?

Only time

Not bad for

a stubborn old fool.

I guess old men really are the

toughest, smartest, most capable,

sexiest beings on the planet.

Oh, Frank,

...you've made me

a very happy woman.

Me, too.

Only time

And who can say

Why your heart cries

When your love lies?

Only time