01x12 - k*ller Party

[bunniefuu]

You... make man?

No.

Woman.

Woman.

She's alive.

Alive!

But you promised to teach
me how to drive this weekend.

Look, son, it's not me.

It's the company.

Sometimes I don't know
if I own it or it owns me.

I feel like I work
seven days a week.

Hey, talk to your brother.

I'm sure he'll be glad
to show you the ropes.

Out of the way, Stumflick!

Bye, honey.

We'll be back for
dinner on Sunday.

Look after your little brother.

You have nothing to worry about.

The perimeter is secure.

I'm responsible.

I'm in control.

Bye.

I'm out of here.

Shake a legs!

Where are you going?

Paintball Regionals,
head cheese.

You're leaving me alone?

Yes, I am.

Look, I know this is a big step.

Home alone, unsupervised.

Dad's liquor cabinet
calling out your name.

Wyatt!

Wyatt!

Just remember what
the wise man once said.

Don't choke on your own vomit.

Later, sis!

Cool!

No parents, no Chett.

An entire hassle-free weekend.

This is a rare opportunity.

No kidding.

We can do whatever we want.

We can... we can stay up all night,
order a takeout, play poker for M&Ms.

What are you, seven?

Wyatt, you have an empty house.

And we are hot, red-blooded,
all-American dudes.

We must suckle from
the bosom of good times.

We must party.

No party.

Yes, party.

Party at Wyatt's house.

Spread the word.

Okay.

Don't say that!

We can't have a party!

My folks will k*ll me!

Party at Wyatt's.

Wrong attitude.

You see, your
parents won't find out.

Why? Because we've got Lisa.

No one will come.

Lisa.

Things are gonna get broken!

Lisa.

They're gonna...
- Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

I promise, the second
it's over, we'll morph

Lisa into a wet vac and
make the place sparkle.

Oh, all right.

Just our friends.

Nothing huge.

Don't tell anyone else.

Hey, did you guys hear?

Some geek sophomore's
parents are going out of town

and he's having a party
at his house tonight.

I hear there are
gonna be hookers.

Yeah!

Somebody looks very handsome.

Plans tonight, Gary?

Uh, nah.

Nothing special.

Just going over
to Wyatt's house.

Maybe hang.

You always put on
my cologne to hang?

Oops.

You're going to a
party, aren't you?

Uh...

Okay.

Yes.

Yes, I am.

Well, you know the rules.

You wanna go out,
you ask permission.

But it's Saturday night!

This isn't a
permission night, right?

Dad?

May I please go out tonight?

Nope.

Why?

Because every night's
a permission night.

But this is a major party
and I'm one of the hosts.

I've gotta be there.

Oh, now it's a major party.

Well, then you can just read
about it in a paper tomorrow.

Mom.

I'm sorry, hon.

You heard your father.

If you like, you can
join us for cribbage.

We're playing for M&Ms.

Did you see that?

I swear, my parents
were born old.

I refuse to believe
they were ever my age.

Look, you just go to the
party and I'll take care of them.

Really?

Alright.

Thanks, Lise.

You're the best.

You're not gonna hurl
them into the sun, are you?

Gary, give me some credit.

You haven't
answered my question.

Yes! This party rocks!

It's k*ller!

You guys know where
I might find a party?

I think this is
your lucky night.

Thanks for dealing
with my parents.

I didn't think I was
ever gonna see daylight.

What'd you do with them, anyway?

I brought them.

You're in big trouble, mister.

Crank it!

Somebody beer me!

You wondered if your
parents were ever your age?

Well, now they are.

My parents are teenagers?

Fifteen years old, to be exact.

Shotgun!

You turned my parents
into teenage party animals?

Yep.

Emotionally, mentally, sexually,
your parents are now fifteen years old.

Hey look, I'm a guppy!

This is embarrassing.

You should've just
hurled them into the sun.

Hey, Gary, is that your dad?

Maybe.

He is so cool.

I wish my dad could
quote Aerosmith.

See?

Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Your dad's the hit of the party.

Check him out.

Feed me somebody or I'll puke!

Al, come on, be
cool, man. Cover up.

It isn't that kind of party.

Wrong.

We have a responsibility to
make every party that kind of party.

Mwah, I'm hungry!

Hi, are you Wyatt?

Uh, yeah.

This is your party, right?

Uh, yes.

Yes, it is.

Uh, it is my party.

All mine.

I am your host and you
are my very special guest.

What's your name?

Caitlin.

Caitlin, what can I do for you?

Nothing.

Just... your parents
are looking for you.

Mom!

Dad!

You're, uh, you're supposed
to be really far away.

I want everybody out
of here right now, and

then you and I are
gonna have a little talk.

Wayne!

Marcia!

So glad you could make it.

Oh, no!

I love the Butthole Surfers.

Anybody got a smoke?

You don't smoke?

Makes me look older.

Are they...?

Yep.

Fifteen years old.

Wayne!

Come dance with me!

Man, this music is so Kenny G.

Oh, I think it's kind of fun.

Yeah, yeah, you would.

Uh, I'm gonna bum a cig.

Like I said, my personal
philosophy, party big, party often.

I've always felt that way, too.

Yeah.

Seven.

Six.

I mean, what good is
life if you can't have an

occasional blowout to
break the high school grind?

Nothing, boring.

Eight.

Seven.

And when you see a chance
to party, you gotta go for it.

Live life on the edge.

All right!

Hi, boys.

Having fun?

Eleven.

I wanna take a time out.

You wanna take a time out?

Sure, I'll take a time out.

When I'm dead.

They say we can choose our classes, but then
they decide what classes we choose from.

It's not freedom, man.

It's fascism.

Maybe you could
transfer out of gym.

You're not listening, man.

Aw...

Smoke?

Thank you, yeah.

All right.

What are you doing?!

You can't smoke in here!

No time.

This is a party.

Check the 'tude at the door.

Uh...

Uh, listen, Wayne.

Why don't you pay a
little attention to Marcia?

I, uh... I think she
wants to dance.

Marcia.

Of course she wants to dance.

That's how she'd solve
the world's problems.

Everybody dance.

Enjoying the party?

It sucks!

Oh, come on.

It's awesome.

Do I reek?

Or is that the quiche?

Um... It's you.

You worked up really
kind of a big sweat there.

Oh.

Can I...?

May I...?

Marcia?

Hmm?

Are you scamming on me?

Um...

Um... Maybe.

Would you like to dance?

No, I don't think
that's a very good idea.

Why not?

Well, you know, lots of reasons.

It's late.

I'm not a very good dancer.

You gave birth
to my best friend.

Oh, come on.

I want to see you shake
that tight little butt of yours.

Oh, Wayne!

Is that you?

I was having so much fun,
I'd forgotten you were here.

Hey, Wayne.

How's it goi...

See right through your
stupid little tricks, Marcia.

Your stupid little games.

This isn't a game.

And if you can't pay attention to me,
I'll just find some other guy who can.

Go on.

I'm not stopping ya.

Please.

Stop her.

Man was never meant to
be monogamous anyhow.

What's going on?

Wayne and I are breaking up.

Breaking up?!

Yeah.

We're dust.

We're history.

A footnote in the annals.

Oh, shut up.

All you ever do is talk.

I need someone who
knows how to party.

Someone like...

Gary.

I can explain.

Hey, hey.

Looks like you're
gonna get some tonight.

Wah, wah, wah.

Help me with this.

Did my parents' 26-year marriage
just dissolve because of your tight butt?

Don't underestimate
the power of this butt, Wy.

When it speaks, chicks listen.

Like I said, there's
something I wanted to ask you.

I've thought a bunch about it.

Well...

These words don't come easy.

Yes, Al?

Will you have sex with me?

Al...

How many times do I have to
tell you that I'm not ready for sex?

Well, that's okay.

I'm ready enough for both of us.

You're such an idiot!

So, what's your answer?

Emily?

May I come in?

He's a pig.

He's a guy.

What am I supposed to do?

Al just wants to have
sex, but I'm not ready to.

And I don't want to lose
him to some slutty senior.

Trust me.

I don't think you're
gonna lose him.

But he is such a tasty stud.

Emily...

The two of you have a
very special chemistry

that no one else would
ever want a part of.

You really think so?

I know so.

No one wants to take Al away.

Trust me.

Hey, playing Hendrix?

No, I'm just arm
farting the blues.

You are one talented man, Al.

So... Where's Emily?

Ah, she blew me off.

What happened?

I don't know what her deal is.

All night long, this chick's coming
on to me, big time, making moves.

I ask her to have
sex, and she freaks.

She bailed on you?

Yeah.

Looks like I'm back on
the market again, huh?

Hey, you know any slutty
seniors you can set me up with?

What, are you nuts?

You can't break up with Emily.

She is grade A babe-age.

She's crazy about you.

And you're not exactly
swimming in chicks.

Yeah.

She is a babe.

Al, she's over there.

She's a babe, too.

Go talk to her.

Patch things up.

If not for you,
then do it for me.

I sort of have a stake in this.

Okay.

But you owe me one.

Awoooooooh!

Doggy!

There you are.

Give me a slice of that
beefcake, you lanky love monkey.

Wyatt is going down.

Hey, it's a pizza guy.

Just in time, man.

We pretty much
cleaned out this hole.

Oh, really?

Well, I think I have something
here that you can snack on.

The pizza guy is insane!

I hate you, maggot!

Chett?

First one who moves...
eats Dutch boy.

Party's over, skankwad.

Let's tour your room so
I can choose the things

you're gonna give me
for not narcing to dad.

I don't think dad really cares.

Dad, you're home.

I swear, I just stepped
out for two minutes.

I had nothing to do with this.

Too bad, man.

You missed a k*ller party.

Later.

Where you going?

I don't know.

Thought I'd hitchhike to
Cabo, and then after that,

down to South America,
and then after that...

Who knows?

Whoa, wait a minute!

You're leaving?

You can't leave.

Who's gonna buy the food?

And pay for my car insurance?

You don't know
what you're doing.

You're not thinking straight.

He's leaving.

You gotta stop him.

What for? It's over between us.

Huh?

Besides, I've got all the
man I want right here.

What can I say?

She digs me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

You are not
hitchhiking anywhere.

You're gonna end up face
down somewhere in a ditch.

I...

I forbid it.

Yeah, right.

Who did you, Wayne Donnelly?

I'm going after him.

You touch my mom,
and you're dead.

Come on, let's
find an empty room.

Whoa!

Hold on!

Dad's...

hitchhiking to Cabo?

And you're dating Gary.

What kind of psycho nerve gas
have you been sucking back?

Oh!

I got it.

This is one of those screwy
midlife hormone chick things.

Isn't it?

No...

It's a butt thing.

What the hell is happening here?

My family is falling
apart in front of my face.

I'm so confused.

The pizza guy's confused!

Get his g*n!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

♪ It's 6.15 - What a morning. ♪

Woo!

Yes!

Faster, man, faster!

Have you even thought about
what you're gonna do in Mexico?

Get off my back.

You sound just like my dad.

Okay, fine.

You wanna go to Mexico?

Go ahead.

Walk.

Cool!

That one worked on me.

You can't go to Mexico!

You have too many
responsibilities!

Who are you talking to?

We're 15!

We don't have responsibilities!

Now, tag along with me.

Man, it'll be awesome!

You got the convertible...

Ah hey...

We can be sipping
margaritas by sunset!

Hey!

He who hesitates is lunch, man!

What the hell?

Let's go!

Woo!

Woo!

This is cool!

Damn straight!

Cigarette?

Yeah!

Light?

No, thanks!

Gotta release the
emergency brake, man.

All right!

Woo!

Yes!

Woo-hoo!

This is awesome!

I'm really psyched we're
taking this trip together.

You know, getting to
know each other better...

Wayne.

Oh man, you're gonna be so sick
of me by the time we get to the border.

Arriba!

Arriba!

Woo!

What the hell are you doing?!

Stop the car!

What do you mean?!

Stop the car!

Stop.

The.

Car!

What is going on here?

Where am I?

Dad?

Have you been smoking in my car?

Um...

I had a couple friends over, and I really
haven't gotten around to cleaning up.

Bonjour, Monsieur Donnelly.

The house, she is all clean.

Au revoir.

We don't have a maid.

Maybe mom hired a maid.

Lord knows she's
got her hands full.

Hey, Mr. Donnelly.

Nice tan.

You get that in Mexico?

Oh...

♪ Weird science ♪

♪ Fantasy and microchips,
shootin' from the hip ♪

♪ Somethin' different,
we're makin', weird science ♪

♪ Pictures from a
magazine, bits and pieces ♪

♪ Bits and pieces,
pieces, pieces, ... ♪

♪ My creation... Is it real? ♪

♪ It's my creation...
I do not know ♪

♪ It's my creation ♪

♪ From my heart
and from my hand ♪

♪ Why don't people
understand... My intentions? ♪