01x03 - There's a Mattress in There

[bunniefuu]

[whimsical music playing]

-Yoshi is a delightful boy.
-I knew it!

We need you to tell us
our son's delightful?

We're not paying for compliments.
What's wrong with him?

Well, I'm seeing ADD, dyslexia,
Executive Functioning Disorder.

-[gasps]
-Executive what what?

Never gave him enough attention,
now he has a deficit.

Well, hold on.

No, no, this is not
because of anything you did.

This is the way Yoshi's brain is built.
It's nobody's fault.

Things don't happen for no reason.
It can't be nobody's fault.

Well, there is a rare disorder
that comes from being exposed

-to certain germs as an infant…
-Germs?

…and presents in adolescence
as a cluster of symptoms.

Lack of spatial awareness,
distractibility, poor inhibition.

[Yoshi] Whoa.

[chuckles]

Cool guy.

Oh no!

[marker squeaking]

There's more testing we could do,
but the treatment would be the same.

So the only reason would be if you wanted
an excuse to blame yourselves.

-I don't think that's--
-What kind of germs?

They're calling it
pacifier shirt syndrome.

A baby drops a pacifier on the floor,

and rather than sterilize it
or get a new one,

the parent wipes it on their shirt
and puts it back into the baby's mouth.

-[Elliott] Ooh.
-[chuckles]

Well, if that's how you get this syndrome,
there's no way our son has it.

Uh, well, should we maybe
get the tests after all,

just to cover all our bases?

What? Why?

If you never wiped
a pacifier on your shirt…

Once or twice, I may have

-dropped a pacifier…
-You did what?

…and then wiped it on my shirt.

-If only once…
-I don't know who I married.

What else you been hiding?
Is there a g*n in our home?

A second family under the floorboards?

If I had another family,
I'd keep them in a different house.

We can't redo our kitchen,
but your other family gets a house.

This is not a good time
to redo the kitchen. It's a big project.

I wouldn't worry
if it was just once or twice.

The exposure we're talking about,

you'd have had to have done it
multiple times a day, every day,

for the first year of Yoshi's life.

[tense music playing]

[music ends]

Maybe we should get
the additional testing.

Oh, ya think?

["Long Story Short
Main Title Theme" playing]

[music ends]

[engine revving]

I'm five minutes out.

[man on walkie-talkie]
The situation's getting serious, Yoshi.

Make that two.

[tires screeching]

Ham. Ham, ham. Ham for you.

-[gasping]
-Ham for you. There's a ham!

[laughing]

You get a ham.
You get a ham. You get a ham.

-[man clearing throat]
-[woman] Ugh!

[groaning]

[tires screeching]

All right. [chuckles]

-Me and you, man.
-[pictures snapping]

[grunting]

[Yoshi] Argh!

[tires screeching]

-Mom, it happened again.
-[siren blaring]

[circus music plays, ends]

I don't understand
why you can't stay in your old room.

The one with closets and drawers.

Then it's like
I moved back with my parents.

I don't want to be a burden.
I'll stay on the couch.

We appreciate it.

Yoshi's 22. He needs
to start taking things more seriously.

[sighing] He's 22.

When I was his age, I was planning
to backpack around the world.

You can't backpack around the world.

I didn't. That's my point.

My other point is
why can't you backpack around the world?

I think you love him too much
to see reality.

I love him the right amount,
so I see his flaws.

Ugh, I can't sit here doing nothing.
I'm calling Karen Getelman.

It's 10:00 at night!

Like anybody could sleep
knowing my baby is in crisis.

Because of the oceans! That's why
you can't backpack around the world.

[door slams]

Know what I had to do to get you this job?

I had to listen to Karen Getelman kvetch
about her cat's mental health issues

for 45 minutes.

Don't squander this opportunity.

The opportunity to temp
at a sewing machine parts factory.

-I thought so.
-An opportunity

-to get you out of the house.
-Uh-huh.

To meet new people. Build your confidence.

I already have confidence.

Why?

I know there's something I'm great at.
I just need to find it.

While we all wait for that day to come,
you're going to work.

On your way, pick up coffee and Danish
for everybody so you can--

-You mean "Danishes"?
-The plural of Danish is Danish.

Ugh!

Ow! Oh, no! Oh, no! No! No, no, no!

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm still not used to how big my car is.

-I'll buy you a new coffee.
-Thanks, mister. Wait.

Are you wearing flip-flops? With a suit?

-What kind of magic man are you?
-My own boss, so I pick the dress code.

Wow. Ever wear your clothes backwards?

No.

What about where it's like
the right side of you is a man

and the left side is a sexy lady,
and you have a conversation like,

"Hello." "Hello." "Come here often?"

"I'm married." "I don't see a ring."

"Couldn't afford one.
My husband works at the smelting plant."

"You must get lonely."

[gasps] "I do."

[passionate kissing sounds]

"Oh no! He's back!"

"Bang, bang! You didn't see nothing!"

-I like you.
-What's not to like? I'm delightful.

Hey, would you ever…

No. [chuckles] You wouldn't be interested.

-What?
-It's not for you.

-Don't wanna waste your time.
-My time's worthless!

Okay. But first, I need you
to get in my car, put on this blindfold,

and not ask any questions.

I can't even think of any questions!

This is where we make the TAMIT tubes.

The what tubes?

T-A-M-I-T.

There's a mattress in there.

In where? In there? A mattress?

A mattress.

There's a mattress in there?

In there!

-[Yoshi exclaims]
-[laughing]

TWAMIT! There was a mattress in there!

How would you like to… No, I shouldn't.

You're a nine-to-five,
closed-shoe kind of guy.

No, no, no. You don't know me at all!
My mom made me wear these.

You are about to be
so in the right place at the right time,

because today… I really shouldn't do this.

Come on! Just do it!

I'm offering you an opportunity

to get in on the
"There's a Mattress in There" soft launch.

Pun very much intended.

Is the pun soft, or is the pun launch?

The pun

is both.

[gasping dramatically]

Where are your shoes?

Gone forever!

What happened to our bed?

Ladies and gentlemen,
what would you say if I told you

there was a mattress in there?

Well, there is.

There is what?

A mattress. In there. No pun intended.

None taken.

Go, mattress!

Okay.

And if someone already has a mattress,
for example, us, what would the point be?

This would be for instead.

If you didn't.

Eh. It is interesting.

Well, I'm about to show you something


To the garage!

[Naomi] You got 300?

How did you even get all these here?

-Danny Wegbreit.
-[horn honking]

[Danny] Schwoopers!

-I rented a van!
-Wonderful.

All my friends got rid of their fake IDs
when they turned 21,

and I thought,
what if I need to rent a van someday?

You also need a credit card,
and I have eight.

What if I need to get my car out?

-Where would you need to go?
-To work, at the university.

It's called a career.
Something adults have.

This is so much better.
I'm going to sell these tubes.

Don't you see? The future is tubes.

-Aah!
-Oh. Um… Huh.

You got a ladder in one of those tubes?

If I could explain it
the way it was explained to me…

-There was a man in flip-flops--
-Enough.

Everything's going back in the van.

You're going to get your money back.
Elliott, you drive.

I don't trust that kid
to operate heavy machinery.

[Danny] He-he-hey.

Uh. Oh, it keeps going.

[sighs]

I guess Mom's probably right.

I know it's stupid,
just like everything I think is cool.

Why is it the only things
that make sense to me

are the things that don't make any sense?

-[tires screeching]
-Oh!

Listen, I think you should go for it.

Really?

When I was your age,
I wanted to backpack around the world,

but it wasn't practical.

I don't want you to wonder
for the rest of your life

about what could've happened.

Exactly. This is something
I have to do for myself.

Should we check with Mom first?

Don't worry. I will handle your mother.

-[ominous music plays]
-[gulps]

[chuckles softly]

Would you look at that?

It's the postcard from our trip to Paris.

French food. Not for me.

You remember how we had to change hotels?

Mm, because of the goose
that landed in front of the hotel's door.

It was a sign from my Aunt Sylvia.

She was telling us not to stay there,
and she was right.

Place burned down four years later.

Right. You won't believe this,

but while Yoshi and I
were about to return the TAMIT tubes,

it happened again!

I don't believe it.

A goose landed on the hood of the van.

My Aunt Sylvia doesn't want Yoshi
to give up on his business idea.

Hello, what else could it possibly mean?

Maybe that my husband thinks
he's married an idiot.

Huh? No.

You're a worse liar
than you are a charades partner.

That's saying something
after the fiasco with the Rosenzweigs.

I wasn't playing charades.
I had a bee in my shirt.

But, listen, I really believe Yoshi can
make something with this business.

No, you don't.

I don't. But I believe he believes it,
and I think that is worth nurturing.

So nurture. Nurture your brains out.
I'll be over here in the real world.

A goose. Everyone knows my Aunt Sylvia
only comes to me as geese.

[upbeat music playing]

You look tired.

Hey, you don't want this!

You wouldn't be interested.
Where are you going?

Hey! Get a load of this.

-No!
-[glass shattering]

[car alarm blaring]

Whoa!

Ah!

[sighs deeply]

I haven't sold one tube.
If I could just sell one.

Then you'd sell 299 more?

Yes!

Explain again,
what is so special about these things?

It's innovation meets disruption, Dad.
It's mattress meets tube.

Okay, but tell me why you, Yoshi,
think this is a good product.

Because I would have wanted one.

When I was bouncing around
from town to town,

all I wanted was something permanent.

Some place to lay my head
I could call my own.

Besides, who wants to carry
a full mattress up a flight of stairs?

I sure don't. That's the main reason
I haven't left my boyfriend.

That's what I'm talking about.

If she had a mattress in a tube,
she could go anywhere.

Are you telling me
there's a mattress in there?

Yeah, but I'm in the middle of
a conversation with my dad right now.

-Oh, I'm so sorry.
-Psst. Hey. Hey.

What were we talking about? Sports?

Mm! [clearing throat]

Oh, wait. Come back! Come back!

[cash register dings]

Whoa. What was that?

I think that was you making a sale.

["Went and Did It"
by Cheap Synths playing]

♪ When they told me that I couldn't do it
I just went and did it ♪

♪ I just went and did it ♪

[people laughing and cheering]

♪ When they told me that I couldn't do it
I just went and did it ♪

Look at all these beautiful things.
Reminders of our past. Our heritage.

Can you imagine
how many more memories we'd have today

if our relatives were able
to carry their beds in tubes?

I think there would've been
way less complaining on boats

coming from the old country.

Not no complaining, I know our relatives,

but certainly less.

[guests laughing]

Ah!

-Thank you very much, young man.
-Have fun at Burning Man!

♪ When they told me that I couldn't do it
I just went and did it ♪

[song ends]

I did it. There are
no longer any mattresses in there.

-Amazing!
-I always knew you could.

So what happens now?

Think there's still a spot
at the sewing machine factory?

They'd be lucky to have you.

Wait. You don't want to keep doing this?
You're so good at it.

I guess I could order more.
You really believe in me, huh?

What's to believe?

You don't have to believe
Fermat's Last Theorem

if you've seen proof.

Ha! Suck it, Fermat.

Hey, hey, hey, Yoshi.
Of course, we are very proud of you,

But as they say in the mattress biz,

sometimes you gotta know
when to call it a night.

We do say that in the biz.

Well, you got yourself this far.

What do you think you should do next?

Huh.

When I'm looking for clarity,

I ask myself,
what would Mark Zuckerberg do?

-Ehh.
-[dismissing]

Ideas take root on college campuses.
That's where the young people are.

Lucky for me,
I know a guy who works at a university.

You wanna sell these things at Mid-Bay?

I want to sell to Mid-Bay.

A tube in every dorm room.

Are you crazy?
You can't ask your father for that.

You don't mix business and family.

Need I remind you
of the Passover candy debacle of 2002?

No. Yoshi,
I can get you a meeting with the dean,

but you'd better have one hell of a pitch.

Thank you so much, Dad.
I won't let you down.

-[laughing]
-Wait, what?

[anticipatory drumbeat playing]

Hey, if you don't
make this sale, it's okay.

-It is not okay.
-Of course it is.

No. If I don't make this sale,
I'm in real trouble, Dad,

because I already put an order in
for 10,000 tubes.

Ten thousand? What? Why?

I had to! If any part of me
thought that I could fail, I would fail.

This way, I can't leave that room
without a sale.

This isn't Cheap Trick karaoke.

"Surrender" is not an option!

What?

We're not interested.

-[groans]
-Oh.

-Would you like me to tell you about them…
-I understand.

There's a mattress in there.
The dorms at MBU already have mattresses.

Don't want to let him do his presentation?

-No need. Maybe I'm not interested.
-[cynical laugh]

-MBU. Middling, Boring, Ugh.
-Did you come to insult me?

I don't go to the monkey house
to insult the monkeys.

I came here as a courtesy to my father,
but this concept begs for Stanford.

I'm seeing them tomorrow.

Send them my regards.

Although, there is something cool
about not being cool.

-[hopeful music playing]
-That's the Mid-Bay way.

Let Stanford have their tech geniuses
and their fancy prison experiments.

This isn't a disruption. It's a mattress.

A mattress you can take wherever you go,
no matter how far from home.

Huh.

Home.

That's what this place is
for thousands of students.

But what if they could take a little bit
of home with them when they left?

You're saying
they take the mattresses with them?

You give each freshman a mattress.

They carry it with them all four years,

and then leave with a tether that always
ties them back to their time here.

It's an intimate reminder.

Eh, it's not fancy.

It's just something that says,
"MBU. You're here to learn."

"We'll handle

the rest."

[gasps]

[Elliot] You should have seen this kid.

He was like Michael Jordan in there.

You mean he had
the raw sexual appeal of 15 normal men?

-No, I just mean he did a really good job.
-I can't explain it.

Suddenly everything made sense to me.
I could just read this lady.

And to think,

none of this would have happened
if I hadn't told you to go to that bakery.

We sign contracts tomorrow,
so dinner's on me.

-[parents laughing excitedly]
-Sparkling water for the table.

Oh my gosh.

[engine revving]

Who's ready for
the best Burning Man ever!?

-[tube hissing]
-Uh.

[phone buzzing]

[Elliot] What is this?

-[dramatic music playing]
-Oh-oh.

Ooh.

Uh.

[woman screaming]

[screaming]

Ah!

[squealing]

[music ends]

So it's not a great time
to be in the TAMIT tube business.

[chuckles] I'd hate to be MBU
after they sign that contract, right?

What?

I don't think
they're gonna sign the contract.

Oh, uh, you think they heard
about all the bad stuff?

-Uh-huh.
-And that could be a deal-breaker,

that the tubes sometimes
go off on their own?

I think it might be. Yeah.

Oh. That's okay.
So I've got a few more tubes to offload.

I've sold them before.
I can do it again, right?

Mm-hm.

[tense music playing]

[exhaling deeply]

Oh boy.

Oof.

[sighs]

The tubes have taken over our home.

We need to have a talk with him.

You always mean me when you say "we."

You think I should talk with him.

So you get to be the nice,
supportive parent,

and I have to be the mean one
who tells my boy his dream is stupid,

even though I knew all along
it was stupid. I knew it.

And I derive no pleasure from being right,
but I knew it, and I kept my mouth shut.

You kept your mouth shut?

Elliott.

Ah. Think. Think.

Ugh. Are you kidding?

Gah!

Huh.

Dad? I got it.

[Elliott] Yoshi? Is that you?

Over here. I cracked the…

Dad? Hey, are you in here?

I'm on the sofa.

[groaning]

Ah! Ah-ha!

Mattresses in aluminum cans!

We'll call it,
"Can-A-Mattress-Fit-In-There?"

I just need cash to get started.

I don't think you should spend
any more money on this project.

I just need $100,000 or so.

You tried something, and it didn't work.
Okay, so now it's time to move on.

Move on? I can't!

I think you… can.

You're asking me to give up on my dreams?
Okay, sure, yeah.

No, that makes sense,
because that's what you do, right?

Like your dream
of backpacking around the world?

Yosh, that's enough.

But I'm not like you, Dad.
I can't just make myself small.

Small? I have bent over backwards
to indulge you,

and this is the respect I get?

All I have ever done is support you.

I stuck with you through all this
farkakte, farshtunkene mattress mishegoss.

But no more!

Look, I could probably just make it work
with $40,000, or 45…

Get these ticking time bombs out of here!

They're not time b*mb… Oh no!

[tube hissing]

Oh, oh, oh! Ah!

[exploding]

I'm taking your mother to dinner tonight,

and all this had better be
out of the house by the time we get back,

or you're out of the house.

[Danny] Schwooper!

-[truck horn honking]
-[sighs]

[sighs happily]
Danny, I knew you'd come through.

I got a great deal on this rental, man.

They tried to upsell me on insurance,
and I said, "Dude,

why would I need your insurance?
I don't even have my own."

I need to move these to a storage unit
until I figure out a permanent solution.

Bro, I got you.

Listen, I know a guy who knows a guy

who has a side hustle
in facilitating dark web arms deals.

Arms deals?

There are freedom fighters overseas
who want to buy TAMIT tubes

to convert them
into pressurized m*ssile launchers.

My tubes used for w*r?
How could I sleep at night?

Well, you could keep
a couple mattresses for yourself.

[sighs]

-[straining]
-Okay, easy.

Easy.

[grunts]

Goodbye, old friends.

[sighs]

Is that all of them?

Wha!

[gasping]

Huh.

-[hissing]
-No, no! No! No! Oh!

Oh no! No!

Whoa!

Ah!

No! Oh, no!

No, no!

Ah!

[screams]

-[Danny] Ohh.
-[Yoshi] No, no!

That's not good.

Uhh…

[tires screeching]

Oh. Oh, man.

-[gasps]
-[tires screeching]

-[screaming]
-[tubes hissing]

[panting]

[hissing continues]

[exploding]

-Oh.
-Hey!

The back wall of the garage.
There's a sight for sore eyes.

-[water pouring]
-[alarm beeping]

What?

[wailing] What?!

I'm going to bed.

My bed.

I'm.

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

-I know.
-I destroyed everything.

And the way I talked to you…

I don't know what's wrong with me, Dad.

I think I'm broken.

You're not broken.

All our china is broken.

[sighs]

When I heard Bob Dylan had gone electric
at the Newport Folk Festival,

I was so upset.

It was not the Dylan I knew.

I didn't understand it.

But part of what I love
about Dylan is that

I'm not gonna always understand him.

So if him letting me down sometimes
is going to be part of it,

then… then, well, then that's…
that's part of it.

Hm?

You get what I'm trying to say?

Not really.

Yeah, well, I'm not entirely sure either.

But my point is,
I'm never going to stop loving Bob Dylan.

So what you're saying is,
don't think twice, it's all right?

That is absolutely not what I'm saying.

[sighs exasperatedly]

But, y'know, your mother has always
wanted to re-do the kitchen, so maybe

this is an opportunity.

-[loud popping]
-[car alarm blaring]

[dog barking]

["Family Business" by Lawrence playing]

♪ Welcome to the family business ♪

♪ You be the witness
This is not ordinary ♪

♪ Go and make yourself at home ♪

-♪ Go and make your ♪
-♪ Make your! ♪

♪ Go and make yourself at home ♪

-♪ Go and make your ♪
-♪ Make your! ♪

♪ Go and make yourself at ♪

♪ Make yourself at
Make yourself at home! ♪

♪ Welcome to the family business ♪

♪ You be the witness
This is not ordinary ♪

♪ One day we're all gonna miss this
And we'll reminisce this ♪

♪ 'Cause everything's temporary ♪

♪ And that's okay
'Cause everybody's here tonight ♪

♪ So let's all say
We'll never break the family ties ♪

[music fades out]