02x13 - Unplugged

[bunniefuu]

Excuse me.

- Hey, Shari, how...?
- That was embarrassing.

Tawny, how about
that biology test?

Maybe you should
try tripping them.

Could I get another?

Hey, Wyatt. Look. I'm invisible.

Watch the glass as it
magically floats in midair.

- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- Might as well be invisible.

We can't even score a
soda from the waitress.

Talk about depressing.

Since when does d*ck play guitar?

Hey, d*ck. Cool guitar.

- How long you been playing?
- Ladies... hi.

- I've got rock in my blood.
- Try " Rock in your head."

- That is so cool.
- What's with that?

- It's simple, brilliant. He's terrible.
- Doesn't matter--

d*ck figured out girls
go nuts over musicians.

I played french horn in fifth grade

- and I never got any action.
- Let's get in on this.

Play along.

How's it going, d*ck?
Sounds good.

- Just jamming.
- Yeah, well, Wyatt and

I were just thinking maybe
we could use you in our band.

- Don't do this, Gary.
- You had a band?

That is so cool.

I play french horn.

And bass.

[ Imitating Bass ]

Maybe you'd like to
watch us rehearse sometime?

# I don't know
your phone number #

# I don't know your address #
# I... #

[ Yelling ]

Yeah. Whoo!

- So, what did you think?
- Really... loud.

Thanks.

Let's play that other one
you wrote during gym class.

We'd like to hear it.
Go ahead and start without us.

We'll freshen up.
Where's your bathroom?

- Upstairs and to your right.
- Great.

Oh, darn it...
we left our lip gloss at home.

Be right back. Rock 'N' Roll.

Rock 'N' Rock. Yeah!

They're not coming back,
are they?

It didn't matter
if we were terrible?

I guess there are limits.

- Where you going?
- Uh... to freshen up.

Okay, see what
this does for you.

[ Humming Tune ]

That's good.

Hey, guys. Guess what.

I found a way to get
your underwear to do

that thing you wanted it to.

Forget that, Lis.
We just wrote our first song.

It'll be money for nothing,
chicks for free.

Just an expression.
We can try our song out on you.

- You'll love it.
- Just out.

Total inspiration.

[ Rock Synth Drums ]

[ Off Key ]:
# When I'm near her #

# Something stirs#
# Shoves me up against the wall #

# Makes me say I'm hers #
# She's mean #

- # She's mean... #
- Drum solo.

- We can, we saw...
- We sucked.

Yeah. You're right.

Don't so hard on yourselves.
Just keep practicing.

I think we need more than practice.

Yeah. We need magic.
If we could live

the lives of rock stars
we could get babes.

Limos, MTV music video awards.

- We could save the rain forest.
- We could buy it.

What do you think?
Wyatt. Me. Rock stars?

You really want to be rock stars?

- Yeah. Why not?
- Well, think about it.

You're on the road,
mobbed by fans backstage

blowouts music videos,
fame, power, money.

- I want in.
- You got it.

ALL: Let's rock.

MAN: Okay, fellas.

Whenever you're ready.

SOUND MIXER: Okay, guys,
how do you want to start?

- Time to money.
- Lisa, I don't play bass.

- And I can't sing a lick.
- I gave you your wish.

You're rock stars. Play.

- All right!
- Gary, sing.

# Baby, baby, baby # Ow!

Cool. I've always
wanted to do that.

- Tape's rolling, guys.
- Two, three, four...

[ Rock Music Playing ]

# When I'm near her #

# Something stirs #

# She shoves me up
against the wall #

# Makes me say I'm hers #

# She's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

- # I think she's keen... #
- MAN: Cut, cut, cut!

Oh... oh, super! Absolutely super!
No. Better than super.

Dale Griffin president
of Mojo records.

You like our stuff?

What's that word
that sound like

you don't like something
yet it's perfectly smashg?

- Bad?
- That's it! Bad!

Super bad! Terrible.
Utter crap! I loved it!

- You want to sign us?
- Yes.

Yes, I want to sign you.
I'd marry you if I could, but I can't.

You're going to be huge.
No... bigger than huge.

- What's bigger than huge?
- Colossal?

- No, no...
- Tremendous?

- No, no...
- Really huge?

Yes! Exactly. Really huge.
What's your names?

Wait. Don't tell me. Your real
names don't matter anymore.

From now on, you're... Thrash.

Yes. And you... you're... Kyle.

No. No, you're Crash!

And, you, you're... Stunning.

- They call me Lisa.
- As well they should.

Okay, now let's Brainstorm
on a band name, shall we?

No... no... Lord, no.

How about Megahurtz?

I have literally no
idea what that means.

It's perfect! Music vision?

Dale Griffin.

I think I have your
next buzz clip band.

# When I'm near her #

# Something stirs #

# She shoves me up
against the wall #

# Makes me say I'm hers #

# She's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

# I think she's keen #

# When we're on a date,
I'm a nervous wreck #

# Cause she's got her cleats #

# In the back of my neck #

# Some gives should
come with parachutes #

# 'Cause there's a lot of people #

# Who are deaf mute #

# Oh, she's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

# I think she's keen #

# She's mean #

# A drama queen #

# She bruised my spleen #

# I think she's keen. # Ow!

In other music news, the
new power combo, Megahurtz

has officially taken
the world by storm.

Being noticed rules.

I can't believe we're
actually rock stars.

Ok it out, Wyatt.
A hit song, world tour,

a million bucks in the bank
and supermodel girlfriends.

Mine frightens me.

Check out my guy.

I know, but he makes me laugh.

So... you want me to pout
or take my shirt off?

What do you say, Dale?
Shirt on or off?

Absolutely. Well that is
to say, uh... no.

- So, what's next on tap?
- Hey, your single's number one.

You're the biggest thing
since Megahurtz.

- We are Megahurtz.
- You're kidding.

Someone pinch me.
I'm your biggest fan! See?

The geniuses up in marketting
have come up with

some promotional items
you need to eyeball.

Megahurtz rockin' cyborg
action figures changeable heads.

- Super?
- Cool.

There's a rocket
launcher in my chest.

When you pull your arm
out you become

- an all-terrain vehicles.
- What's with my hair?

The kids will love it.
Oh, look at this.

Rough sketches for the
Megazhurtz cartoon series.

A gorilla?
Someone has to drive.

His name is Congo.

He's a demolitions expect
with a knack for finding ghosts.

In addition we have
Megahurtz, buttons, t-shirts

pogs, thigh cream,
et cetera, et cetera.

Of course, the success
of all this depends

upon the success of your album.

By the way, how are the
rest of the song coming?

We'll be ready by the time
we go into the studio.

- When is that?
- Tomorrow morning.

GARY: "Dear Thrash,
I love listening to your song.

"You guys really rock.
My friends think

crash is the cutest
but I like you the best."

Keeper. We're in the
studio in four hours.

We haven't got a single song.

Wait, wait, wait.
Listen to this one.

"Dear Thrash, you rock me.
I want you."

Picture included. [ Gasping ]

- Pass.
- Come on, I need your help.

You want a song?
Here's a song.

# I'm a rock star, rock star #

# Girls write me letters,
wanna have my baby #

# 'Cause I'm rock star #

# Rock star. # There's one.

- Gary, that's lame.
- Okay, we'll make it a bonus track.

Here's another.
# Pot stickers, pot stickers #

# Mushu pork #

# Eat 'em with chopsticks
and not with a fork. #

We can do commercials
for soy sauce.

- Well, what do you get?
- I'm working on a love song.

- I need a rhyme for "lumpy."
- Stumpy?

Jumpy? Rumpy? Bumpy?
Grumpy? Dumpy?

Hey, there's song number three.
It's like turning on a faucet.

I don't know anymore, Gary.
This all sounds like garbage.

Hey, relax. We're Megahurtz.

Our single's been number
one two wes in a row.

Our fans will love us
no matter what we do.

"Garbage," says
Rolling Stone Magazine.

Every song on the
new Megahurtz CD

is a rehash of their
single, "she's mean."

The song list includes
such diverse titles

as "she's angry," "she's nasty"

"she's a more or less
unpleasant person to be around."

And don't get me started
on the one about chinese food.

Looks like Megahurtz
has crashed and burned.

That's it. We're history.

How could anybody not
like the chinese food song?

We were singing
about pot-stickers.

That came from the heart.

If we'd ordered mexican it
would have be "the taco song."

Since when do we care
what critics think?

Exactly. Critics are just
whiny Rock 'N' Roll...

What do you call someone
who wants to be something

that they're not because
they have no talent?

- LaToya Jackson?
- No.

- Wannabes?
- Yes.

Critics are just whiny
rock 'n' roll wannabes.

I didn't become the
head of mojo records

- by listening to critics.
- I couldn't sleep at night

if I lived my life by
what the critics say.

Then again, who need sleep
when you're really rich?

Get out of my studio.

You're fired.

"We've been duped by
these one-hit wonders.

"Their new CD isn't worth

"the recycled toilet paper
this review is printed on."

One man's opinion.

Actually, it happens to be


What kind of lame wish is this?
Our careers are in the toilet.

You asked for the lives
of rock stars.

No rock star stays
on top forever.

- But, you outlasted the Bangles.
- Who?

I got you to the top but staying
there was up to you guys.

Yeah, well, it was fun
while it lasted. Thanks, Lis.

That's it? You're quitting?

What about our fans?
Don't we owe them something?

Yeah, an apology. Face it.
We had one good song in us.

We're just getting sorted.
This is a career lull.

- Gary, knock-knock.
- Who's there?

- Megahurtz.
- Megahurtz who?

Exactly.

Your fans have moved on
to the new flavor of the week.

I don't believe that for a second.
The world still loves me.

I'll just go out there
and be famous

without you guys or
my name isn't Thrash.

Your name isn't Thrash.

Shut up.

And in other news,
Thrash, lead singer for the

recently disbanded
megahurtz has released

a solo album-- "Me, Thrash,
alone without the baggage."

[ Ballad Intro ]

# Me, Thrash #

# Alone without the baggage #

# Me, Thrash #

# Alone without the baggage. #

[ Heavy Metal Music ]

The CD debuted at 97.
Most critics agree

the music was reminiscent
of cats hitting sheet metal.

The album was in the
bargain bins by lunch.

The singer had this to say.

I believe this is the next step
in my evolution as an artist.

My fans will be happy to know
I'm going back into the studio

to work on a remix of
my megahit "She's mean"--

Open it up to a whole new audience.

Rock on. Yeah.

[ Chipmunks Singing "She's Mean' ]

Okay, can you give me

more Alvin and Less
the more this time?

[ Chipmunks "She's Mean" Playing ]

Look at the bright side.
At least he can't sink any lower.

Pass.

Pass.

Okay.

The dugout. A pitcher's mound.

A baseball!

[ Horn Blowing ]

[ Synthesized Rock Percussion ]

[ Whistle Blowing ]

Hi. I'm Thrash, remember
lead singer for Megahurtz.

That was me a few
weeks ago suffering

from hemorrhoidal flare-up.
Lucky for me, there's Analene.

I can't watch my best
friend do this to himself.

Somebody's got to tell him
the world thinks he's a joke.

It's going to break his heart.

Rock, paper, scissors?

One, two, three!

Hello, Moosehead Lodge!

Are you ready to rock?

I said, "Are you ready?"

[ Muted Chord ]

[ Crowd Laughing ]

Hey.

Look who's here.

I knew you couldn't give
up the bright lights.

Or the roaches.

It's not Dodger Stadium
but you got to pay your dues.

A couple more gigs like this,
and I'm back on top.

Gary, Wyatt has
something to tell you.

Gary, you got to pull the plug.
You had a hit song.

You were famous, but is over.
Let it die.

How can you say that?
Things are going great--

- A lot of interest out there.
- Where?

Everywhere. Here.

Outside. All around.
It's big, big, big!

Hey! I know you.

The fans--
they haven't forgotten me.

It's the hemorrhoid guy!
How's your butt?

You're right. I should
have walked when you did.

It's not that bad, Gary.
At least people still remember you.

Yeah, every time they get
that itching, burning sensation.

Come on, Gar.
We came to take you home.

Thanks, but they're paying me.
I better finish my set.

Poor guy. All he wanted
be was a rock legend.

Fat chance now.

Well, there is one way.

Okay, I think you're all
going to like this next tune.

[ Rumbling ]

[ Gary Screaming ]

Lisa!

- What'd you do to him?
- You'll see.

The rock world is still
reeling from last night's

mysterious on-stage
disappearance of former

Megahurtz singer, Thrash
who inexplicably vanished

during his opening set.

Was it an alien abduction,
spontaneous combustion?

What knows?
One thing's for certain--

the legend of Thrash
will live forever.

You hear that, big guy?

I'm a legend.

I'm bigger than Elvis.

It's everything
I've always wanted.

Remember-- if the world
knows Thrash is alive

- you stop being a legend.
- Nothing to worry about.

No one's ever noticed me.
I'm invisible.

Here's to invisibility.
Oooh!

[ Giggling ]

Don't tell me d*ck's got
his guitar with him again.

Nope-- whole new approach.

A puppy?

- This guy's a genius.
- I don't get it.

Wy, girls love puppies.

Makes a guy look...
more sensitive.

That's easy.

- What do you say, Lisa?
- You got it.

Oh, look at the cute,
little doggies.

- Ooh.
- Hi, boy.

[ Rock Music Playing ]