03x11 - The Wyatt Brief

[bunniefuu]

So today, everybody chose
their tablefor the junior prom.

Geez, Wyatt, stop whining
and just ask somebody.

I've accepted that prom night's
going to be me and Gary

trying to watch the playboy
channel on scrblevision.

Hey, Wy!

I hate my life.

This is my junior prom date, Roxanne.

- Roxanne, my mucho compade, Wyatt.
- Hi.

Wow, you didn't tell me he works out.

How did you two hook up?

Just in time for the prom and all.

I was helping Roxanne with
her social science project.

It's to prove that the
average teenage male

- thinks about sex every three minutes.
- I broke the curve.

I thought he was a total pervert till
I realized he was thinking about me.

Any lucky yet?

There's still time to pitch in on a limo.

The front runners are my mom
and that lady in the park

- who yells at stop signs.
- Don't worry.

Some lucky girl is going to snap you right up.

In fact, if I wasn't going with the
hair master here I'd ask you myself.

She's crazy about me!

That little tr*mp.
She was practically undressing you.

Come on, she was just being friendly.

Is there something wrong
with your eyes?

- I can't see any colors.
- I'll fix it later.

I can't believe that you didn't
nothing her coming on to you.

She's going with Gary.
Why flirt with me?

The prom's still a week away.

I bet Gary doesn't even end
up going with Roxanne.

It's a bet.

- On prom night, we'll see who wins.
- Why wait?

A laser disc?

This disc will show us who
Gary goes to the prom with.

It's go your entire future
lives recorded on it.

Our entire lives on home video?

- Rated PG?
- That's only because of Chett's language.

Let's see what the future holds.

[ screaming ]

Oops, sorry. Too far.

Wait. Go back. What was that?

Relax.
That doesn't happen for weeks.

One crisis at a time.

- [ soft rock music playing ]
- There you go, Miss Cynical.

Gary and Roxanne at the prom
and they look as happy as...

Oh, you dog!

I can't steal Gary's girl.

You think joining them
on a date will help?

You said the future isn't fixed.

Everything I do today
affects tomorrow, right?

Actually, that's from
the Terminator, but go ahead.

I go to the movies with two of them.

I act like a total jerk to
Roxanne and make her hate me.

- Wouldn't it be easier to avoid Roxanne?
- It will never work.

Even if she couldn't see me
she'd still know I was out there.

She'd still think about me,
fantasize about me.

I want my bad.

We do like ourselves, don't we?

We still need to stop by Roxanne's house.

- My house? Why?
- So you can change.

You're not going out
wearing that, are you?

- What's wrong?
- Yeah, what's wrong?

She looks like something out
of the Lollapalooza Sidehow.

I do?

What are you doing?

Geez, hey, I'm sorry.
You look fine, really.

No, no, he's right.

I mean, I've never had
much fashion sense.

And... well, I'm just glad that
somebody was finally honest

enough to point it out to me.
Thank you, Wyatt.

Honey, I've always
thought you looked like crap.

Wyatt, could you come
with me tomorrow

and help me pick out my prom dress?

- So, how did it go?
- We've got a date tomorrow.

That will how her.

I don't know what went
wrong you're too nice.

You're incapable of beg mean.
I know what you need.

What?

Essence of Chett.

Lisa, how can you touch
Chett's dirty clothes?

It's disgusting.

You want to ditch Roxanne?
Well, yeah.

You've got to make yourself
completely loathsome.

We're going to give you
Chett's personality.

- And that's where these come in.
- Eww!

- There's got to be another way.
- Well, I could deform you.

Maybe give you antlers
or something.

Gary better appreciate this.

Go ahead. Chett me.

[ belches ]

Good luck.

All right,
you little frog sausage clear out.

- I need to use the John.
- Upado, Mr. Roboto.

Take a hike.

- What did you say?
- What's the matter?

Getting hard of hearing, Sis?

Oh, prepare for a world-class
butt kicking, snack weed.

- Bring it on, pit whiffer.
- Toe cheese.

- Pucer butt.
- Trouser chow.

- Cud catcher.
- Chuck mopper.

Puke scooper.

Well, well, well.

- Looks like puberty finally kicked in.
- Get bent.

Que huevos, mi hermano.

I have waited a long time for this day.

I'd hoped against hope that
someday, you'd be ready

to live in my world.
And that day has come.

We are going to kick butt, little bro.

[ voice breaking ]: I got to go
write this down in my journal.

So, how did it go?

Whoa!

How about you and me ta a
few laps around the water bed?

Oh!

Lis, what's going on?
It's like I blacked out.

- You became Chett.
- I did?

- I don't remember anything.
- The magic briefs contain Chett's essence.

Whenever they're with you,
you have Chett's personality.

Look out, Roxanne.
Here comes trouble.

Ready, babe?

Let's see if we can find something

to cling to that luscious frame of yours.

Sorry, Miss.

I was looking for the can.
Nice bra, by the way.

Hello, ladies! Mm-mm, very hot.

Ow!

Scary!

Wyatt? Wyatt, over here
what do you think?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You got the goods.

Put them up on the shelf
where everyone can see them.

Now that's what I call a
prom dress? Who's next?

Wyatt, I don't know what's
gotten into you but I like it.

Oh!

Boy, is that weird.
What happened this time?

You totaled a dress shop,
a taco stand and a tattoo parlor.

So that explains this.

On the bright side I'm sure Roxanne
never wants to see me again.

Shall we check?

- Hold on a sec!
- Oops.

I keep overshooting.

I am proud to introduce your
duly elected Queen and King

Roxanne Adams...

- and Wyatt Donnelly.
- What?

Oh, you double dog!

Just tell Gary the truth.

The truth? That I'm destined
to steal his prom date?

You're right. We'll let it be a surprise.

What did you to to Roxanne?

Gary, I am so sorry.
I don't know how this happened.

- I came over here to thank you.
- Huh?

That prom dress is too hot.
This will be the greatest night

of my life and I've got you to thank.

Roxanne doesn't really want
to go to the prom with you.

- What?
- She wants to go with...

- me.
- How can you say that?

You don't know what
you're talking about.

You want proof, you got it. Luckily,
our futures are direct-to-video.

Chett, have you seen a
laser disc lying around?

[ belching ] A what?

I can still prove this.

We'll have Lisa zap up a magic
viewmaster or something.

- Forget it.
- Aren't you listening?

- Lisa showed me the future.
- Wyatt, stop.

This jealousy thing makes
you really unattractive.

I got to run. Roxie's waiting.

Whoa!

Time to slap on your hip boots,
bro. We're going fishing.

Fishing? With shotguns?

Yeah, they got a whole
pond all of big, fat koi

just sitting outside the sushi hut.

It's almost like sh**ting fish in a barrel.

Actually, it's exactly like
sh**ting fish in barrel.

Sorry. I'm not exactly
in a koi sh**ting mood.

You... turning girly again?
That's not going to happen.

No. No way.

I'm cool...

Vomit puke.

Vomit puke?
That doesn't make any sense.

What, are there rules?
Seems kind of arbitrary to me.

Hmm.

- Uh-oh.
- Arbitrary to me.

Big word. Big move.

Get away from that damn computer.

That's half you problem.

- Don't hurt me!
- I'm not going to hurt you

but you're at a delicate stage right now.

You're in serious danger
of slipping back into girlhood.

Brother.

Let's rock. We got a prom to get to.

- What about the fish?
- Forget the fish.

There's a certain young... lady
I don't want to disappoint.

- If you know what I mean.
- [ cackles ]

Nuh... what do you mean?

[ rock music playing ]

Looks like they're checking hand stamps.

What will we do?

May we?

See you at the punch bowl.

So, where is this babe
you've got staked out?

Eleven o'clock.

- CHETT: She's with Wallace?!
- Not for long.

- The dork is going down.
- [ chuckles ]

You know, I remember my prom night.

There was magic in the air.

Chas Reskini threw a stink
b*mb in the girls' rest room.

Rocco Felzner let a wild
badger loose on the dance floor.

Oh, it was a special night.

But the topper, the final stroke the...

- Piece de resistance?
- Oui.

Was to be mine.

I'd stuff the ballot box
so I'd be prom king.

When I went up on stage,
I was going to drop trou

and moon the whole damn prom.

But assistant Principal Scampi
was on to me.

He stopped me before
I could get on stage.

Scampi... Scampi ruined everything.

Ballot box, huh?

Big bro, I got a job for you.

Oh, my.

Oh, my.
We seem to have a problem here.

What?

These ballots all say Wyatt Donnelly
but you're not marking it down right.

Donnelly? These ballots
all say Ted Barger.

Well, the handwriting's a little
messy but it definitely says Donnelly.

Here, take a closer look.

Oh, Donnelly. I'm sorry.

I see it now.

- So, you having a good time?
- Yeah, this is nice.

As nice as it would have been with, say...

- Wyatt?
- What?

Yes, of course.

Nice than it would I've been with Wyatt?

Yes, Gary, nice.

What percent are we talking?
Ten, 20?

Hello, everyone.
I hate to interrupt your fun.

But it's time to crown
our prom royalty.

The envelope, please.

I am proud to introduce your
duty elected Queen and King

Roxanne Adams...

and Wyatt Donnelly.

Take your hand off my Queen, pit lick.

Wy, what's going on?

Okay, you old back shaver.
Fork them over.

Uh, Donnelly, I understand
that we all like to let our

hai down on prom night but that
sort of familiarity really isn't cool.

Enough said, I trust?

Wyatt, I can't believe this.
Prom Queen.

Let's get on with the coronation.

Get off her!

Where am I? Oh, no.

The prom.

Geez, Gary, I'm sorry.

- What the hell do you think you're doing?
- Sorry.

- Lisa made me wear Chett's underwear.
- Say no more.

Look at him. Helping out Wallace.

He's hopeless. Why do I always
set myself up for disappointment?

I have no brother.

Huh?

How did these get here?

Gary, are you okay? Are you hurt?

It takes more than a punch
in the face to ruin my prom.

- I'm breaking up with you.
- That would do it.

When Wyatt kissed me,
I realized he's the one like, not you.

So, Wyatt, you want to dance?

Sorry, Roxanne, I can't.

Not after the way you
dumped my best friend.

- But you kissed me.
- I wasn't in control of myself.

You got to understand.
I was wearing my brother's underwear.

[ whistling ]

[ clears throat ]

Chester Donnelly.

a*s-istant Principal Scampi.

- That's Principal Scampi now.
- So I hear.

You got a lot of guts
showing your face back here.

That's me. Guts all over.

You have 30 seconds to
vacade school property.

Or what?

Or I'll contact your parents.

This round goes to you, Scampi.
But this battle's not over.

Not by a long shot.



Miss Bouvier, get your hot,
little fanny up here.

Who's King of the prom now, huh?

Snot-nosed little weinies
got a problem with that?

Uh-oh.

Presenting the royal seal.

I've been looking for these.

I hope this doesn't affect my tenure.