04x23 - Master Chett

[bunniefuu]

Oh, yeah, baby.
You know you want it.

You're dirty. Chett's going
to give you what you need.

- This is way too, too...
- Sick, twisted, unholy.

And then some.

Oh, yeah!

I think this calls for some
world class Chett humiliation. Lis.

Any suggestions?

- Bad haircut?
- Bladder infection?

You guys are weak.

- Yeah!
- Aah!

- Still got it, Lis.
- Thanks.

Here you go, bud, you earned it.

Got to be yanking me?
What the hell is going on?

He wants to know what's going on.

You want to know what's going on,
Chett, for real?

Yes. Please tell me.

Our friend Lisa here, is a magic genie.

Hi.

All we have to do is wish
for something and zappo!

Lisa our magic genie makes it so.

Magic genie? Right!

What do I look like?
An idiot?

- Yeah, pretty much.
- They don't come any dumber.

What the...?

This isn't happening, man!

- Trust me it is.
- Ah!

And the best part is in a few seconds
you won't remember any of this.

- I think I will remember alright.
- No, you won't.

You see, Chett, Lisa's got
this nasty little number called

a memory wipe.
[ french speaks ]

- Huh?
- Memory.

Ah, right.

Ow!

My memory is gone,
I can't remember anything!

Wait a minute, yes I do.

I remember that you said
I wasn't going to remember anything.

- And that you're a magic genie.
- Whoops. A minor glitch.

Hit him again, Lis.

I can't remember anything,
that I ate for breakfast.

But I do remember that
you're my brother,

you're his creepy friend
and you're a magic genie.

[ laughing ]

- I don't get it, Lis.
- Why didn't the memory wipe work on Chett?

I don't know.
I need time to think.

Coo! Hi, kids!
Whose your friend?

A magic genie! Whoops!
I remembered!

Gee, too bad you can't
erase my memory

with your magic powers,
you magic genie.

That ought to shut the little bugger up.

What now?

Let's take a look under the hood.

Yuk. Chett's skull.

What's that?

My God.

It look like an alien mind control
device designed to brainwash him.

Actually, Lis, it's redness, he shoved
it up his nose when he was eight

and the doctors said it was
too dangerous to remove it.

Oh, right.

So, what exactly are we looking at?

See this funky sparkly thing here.

Damn it, Lis, speak in English.

- It's a brain callous.
- A brain callous?

I must have erased his memory
so many times,

he's developed a resistance
to my memory wipe.

You mean from now on
he's going to remember everything?

- He'll know you're a genie?
- Yep.

That's it, boys.
The party's over.

We can't erase Chett's memory?
This is a complete disaster.

He'll make our lives miserable.

Lisa, maybe
we're underestimating Chett.

I mean he just found out
this amazing thing.

Maybe he'll understand
all of Lisa's power

and treat her with
the respect she deserves?

Hey, magic genie.

How about a cold brew and
a hot tongue bath? Chop chop!

Okay, Chett, time out.
She's our genie, not yours.

- Live with it, smirky.
- I don't think so, baby.

Your tune is going to change
when you experience

a heaping helping of my hospitality.

Ooh! Pudding cup!
I love those things.

And he's fat free.

Is that the best you can do?

- Get me a spoon.
- Okay, I give...

Alright, genie chick,
if that's how you want to play

I just might have to go public
with my information.

[ sirens ]

- You wouldn't dare.
- Watch me.

- Lis, I think he means it.
- Lis, do something.

Way ahead of you.

Just so you know,
I'm a perfectly normal average, Joe.

I'm not tripping or out of my head
like a loco weed,

but what I'm about to tell you
is going to sound a little bit fantastic.

- Uh-huh.
- Okay, here it is.

- See that number over there?
- Yeah.

- She's a genie, a magic genie.
- I see.

- She turned me into a pudding cup.
- Ouch.

She thinks I can't do anything about it.
But I'm showing her.

Umm...

I wonder what kind of reception he gets?

Let's find out.

Aah! What the hell?

There's something on my head!

Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.

Ugh! I can't get it off!

She zapped it on me.
See this proves I'm not nuts.

Right, right.

It was classic, Lisa.
Looks like our secret's safe after all.

Oh, look.
It's radio free Chett.

Yeah, good one.

You jokes made me
look a major wacho,

thanks to you
I've got group three times a week.

So do we understand each other now?
You're not the boss of me.

You bet. So we'll share the genie?
I'm cool with that.

Chett, you're not her master,
we are.

Master?

Geez.
Gar, not the "M" word.

I can't believe you guys think
of yourselves as my masters.

What Gary was trying to say was
that we have an equal partnership

of genie and guys
who control the genie.

- Control?
- Not control, no, uh, use.

- Use?
- Wyatt means we order you around.

I'm out of here.

You know, boys, I think
I detect a slight character flaw.

You're morons.

[ laughing ]

Hello, Lisa.
Can I call you Lisa?

No.

Look, Lisa, I know you're hurting
and I feel for you, I do.

Those two zit wrenchers
don't appreciate you.

- Oh, and you do?
- Hell, yes.

You see, we're alike you and me.

No, I mean it, people don't
understand us cause we're different.

- Special, we have so much in common.
- Oh, please.

No, let me show you.

Our hands, they're beautiful things
aren't they.

Yours can create a rose out
of thin air,

mine can make coasters out
of a mons ears.

Gross!

Look, my point is,

we both have powers that
other people don't understand.

Oh, you have a power alright,
the power ot make me spray.

OK, you leave me no choice, babe.

I know this isn't fair but even
your magic powers can fight this.

Aah!

I'm only going ot say this once,
when you home.

Better call me.

Aah!

It's got to be here.

- What the hell are you doing?
- Ah ha!

Don't play stupid with me,
I know you've hidden it somewhere.

- Hidden? What?
- The genie lamp.

- Genie lamp?
- Genie lamp?

I'm not stupid, grain pole.

Everyone knows
where genies come from.

They come from magic lamps.

Trust me,
you're not going to find it.

- Ah ha!
- Son of a g*n.

Come to Daddy!
You're all mine now!

Chett, I swear I've never seen
that thing before.

Nice try.

I know the score.

He who controls the lamp
controls the magic genie.

Appear,
O, genie of the lamp.

You sent for me.
O, wise and powerful, Master?

I demand.

I stand ready to serve you.

All my magic powers are at
your command O, Master Chett.

Ah, Lisa, what's going on?

You've just discovered
the secret of lamp.

I will grant you three,
only three wishes.

Then I will return to the Magic Genie
Land from which I have travelled.

Cha cha!

Three wishes from my own
bad a*s genie. Let's see...

I wish for a million wishes.

That's a new one.

Aw, you displease me.
I will now retire to my lamp.

When next you summon me
will behove you to give

your wishes some serious thought.

Okay. Ah, you go take five there,
sl*ve girl.

In your face, chumpniks.

The mightiest magic power
in the universe at my fingertips.

I can do anything, go anywhere,
rule the freaking planet.

This calls for a beer.

What just happened?

We've been genie hoaxed.

Oh!

Oh, his masters.

I know we were out of line
with the master stuff, we're sorry.

Won't happen again.

What's with callous brain three wishes?

I overhead Chett talking
about a magic lamp.

So I figured fine, let him
think I'm his magic genie.

Give him three stupid wishes
and before he knows it,

I'll be gone forever.

I like the plan,
but I love the shoes.

Do you?
I dig the curly toes.

Smart yet, sassy.

Now, you do know you already
have three wishes.

Are you sure that's your first wish?

Yes.
I want to see you naked.

Okay.

Hey, what's going on?

For God's sake cover yourself.

You wanted to see me naked
so you're seeing me naked.

One down, two to go.

- Do you want to wish for a robe?
- Hold on.

That doesn't count.
You tricked me.

Gee, I'm sorry.
I must have misunderstood.

Too bad.
All wishes are final.

I'm on to your little game.
I won't get fooled again.

Oh, Master, you look tired.
Do you wish to sit down?

Yeah, thanks. Worth a shot.

Nice try.

Alright, let's go down to business.
Number 2.

This is a wish so simple,

there is no way ever
you're going to screw it up.

- So young.
- So innocent.

Ready, here we go.
I want be...

- King of the Universe.
- Okey doke.

Is this it?
Am I really the king?

The one and only.

Oh, yeah. Check me out.

King of the Universe.

Listen up.
My small and pitiful minions.

You, skim latto for your king.

You. I dub thee
"Duke of Puke" because I can.

You.

You're firm yet supple,
entrance me, dance with me.

Hey, she doesn't do that anymore.

If I had a dime for every jerk
who thought he was King of the Universe.

What happened?

I thought I was King of the Universe.

Oh, wait.
I see the problem.

- You want to be king of this universe.
- Huh?

There's more than just one universe,
you know.

- Oh.
- I'm serious.

Watch Star Trek sometime.

There's an infinite number
of universes, bonehead.

- Should have been more specific.
- What a rip.

If it's any consolation,
the alternate universe

where you're king is populated
by beautiful women

that naturally secrete
a hardly air like brew

that must constantly
like form their bodies.

Well, let me limber up the royal tongue
and we'll be on our way.

Bad idea. You see,

unfortunately these beautiful women
breathe mustard gas.

You wouldn't last ten seconds.

Can you send me there for nine seconds?

Crap. Who am I kidding.

- Two wishes shot to hell.
- One more wish, Your Highness.

If I were you
I'd make this one count.

Don't worry,
this next one will be a mother.

Here it is, wish number three.
Just try and weezle out of this one.

"I, Chester Palimine Donnelly,
here after ot be know as the wisher,

"must not be misinterpreted,
blah blah, do hereby make my wish,"

to be endowed with all the magical
power abilities of you, Lisa, my genie."

You're most clever, Master.
You've finally bested me.

I have no choice
but to grant your wish.

- Smokin'!
- What's she doing?

It's Lis, she's got it covered.
Right.

Chett, do you realise once
I grant your third and final wish,

I'll be gone form this world.
You'll never see me again.

Yeah, but I...

Very well.
With this wish, I bid thee farewell.

- Chett?
- Did it work?

That answer your question, plungee.

[ zaps up motorbike ]

Look out, world.
Magicman is coming!

- Plungee?
- Did he do something to us?

I don't think so.

Nope, you're fine.

He thinks he turned you
into toliet plungers.

- Why would he think that?
- Because I put him under a spell.

I couldn't give him
any real magic powers,

so I gave him the illusion of powers.

- So he just thinks he has magic?
- Right.

That way he happy and the worlds safe.

- But he looks like an idiot.
- A perk.

- [ cars horns ]
- [ Chett imitate bike noises ]

Hey, babe, how's it going?
Plenty of room for you on here.

Want to ride?

Oh, get lost.

So we meet again.
How's your magic genie?

I'm the magic genie now.
Fat boy, you're beginning to bug me!

Eat my dust!
[ imitate bike ]

Baby, you look good.

Thanks. I try to take of myself,
eat right, the ususal.

Well, it shows, baby.
Um, um...

We can't just leave him in there.

What's the rush?
He thinks he's in paradise.

What say after dinner
you dazzle me with another one

of those fiendish hot finger dances.

Well, since you ask nice.

What the...? How did I get here?
Where's my harem?

Why don't I go find out
what's keeping them.

Hey, on the off chance
I don't run into them,

what saw we just
heavily medicate you instead?

Okay, no problem.
I'll just wish myself out of here.

Oh, God.
I've lost my powers. Help.

If I was a betting man,
I'd say the spell just wore off.

Guys. I hate to say it but I think
we may have gone too far.

I suppose she's right.

Can't we just leave him
in there a little longer?

He's got shock treatment in three.

Poor guy.
He wanted to be king of the universe.

Look at him now.
He's pathetic.

Chett may be a crude,
sexist jerk but doesn't deserve this.

Well, why don't you
just zap him home?

I can't. He thinks
I've gone back to genie land.

If I used my magic to rescue him,
he'll know I'm still around.

So what do we do?

Help, somebody! I'm chaffing!

Holy monkees!

My leige. I have travelled
across space time to find you.

Who are you?

I am Doug,
your loyal subject from Vegas 5.

All bow down for
the King of the Universe.

- You mean you've come to rescue me?
- If my king commands it.

I command it! I command it!

Whoa!

Am I glad to be out of there.

I thought that back stabbing
genie had boned me big time.

I know not of this boning you speak,
but I do know this,

in my universe you are a wise
and powerful king.

- Were?
- Unfortunately you have been dethroned.

- Dethroned?
- There was a bloody unrising,

your subjects fought valiantly
but alas at the moment of

their greatest triumph,
they choked.

- You should have wished for a bush.
- Ah, I was gonna, but I thought--

Wait a minute.

- How did you know I had wishes?
- Whoops. I gotta go.

- Hi.
- You.

- What are you still doing here?
- Uh, I forgot my lamp.

You know what,
you've been a great sport about this.

How about I give you a bonus wish?

Huh?

So let me get straight.

These two nose wipes
created you out of the computer.

- Yep.
- I'm a state of the art Genie.

Now remember, Chettler,
just because you know about Lisa,

doesn't mean you can call the shots.

Wyatt and I are in
the drivers seat, capice?

Guess again. The only one
with a licence to drive is me.

Hey, relax, babe.

All I can say is all the peewee
adventures you have before, forget them.

Me onboard, your future
just became a magic logride.

What do you say, girls?
Are you with me?

Huh? Huh?

Welcome to our world.