Se vende un tranvía (1959)

[bunniefuu]

"STREETCAR FOR SALE"

Translated by Cratosxp

Gray walls,

barred windows,

an iron discipline...

Yes... it's a prison.

But do not panic,

in this prison aren't

major or famous criminals.

It's a small prison,

intimate, almost familiar.

You see those men?

If you ask them why are they here...

- ...they will all say...

- INNOCENT!

Don't believe them.

Everyone did something so absurd,

that's worth knowing.

If you try to live without working,

you need to work much harder.

Let's choose one.

This one for example...

Hey, excuse me!

- You mean me?

- Yes, yes, come here. Don't be afraid.

Don't worry.

We just want to ask you a question.

Then, go on.

- Want to tell us why are you here?

- I'm innocent, I swear!

Sure!

But, why don't you tell us the truth.

We are not policemen nor judges.

But, do you have a cigarette?

- Yes, indeed.

- Thank you.

- Light, please?

- Of course.

Thanks.

Well...

I'm here...

because I have too much talent.

I was a swindler,

but not ordinary scams,

like the little picture,

the violin, or anything else...

I had the brilliant idea

of inventing a new one.

A special scam.

I used to take a turn at the

train stations to study the newcomers.

I needed a guy who wanted to put

his money in my pocket.

I've never been a pickpocket,

like the one with curls,

that will remove the

priest's wallet, have you seen?

And, what for?

To get something to eat for a week.

No, that's not my job.

Well, and much less as the "prosecutor"...

A grabber who spent

his life, running 100 meters.

Who was going

to give me his money willingly?

That wretch reading the newspapers?

No, the ones who seem silliest

aren't the most confident.

Sometimes they are from the police,

and give some dislikes...

The one I was looking...

A minute!

It could be the one with the beret.

He was a simple soul,

and I liked his wallet.

How can it be possible?

I'll never understand these people.

They spend his life

working from sunrise to sunset,

and when they saved some money,

look at what they spend it!

Find a victim wasn't as easy as I thought.

I gave my condolences in advance

and went to have a drink.

The "Oriental Caf?"

was one like many others...

With steady clientele of

eternal new writers,

calm nursing mothers,

marriages bored of themselves,

boyfriends who fell in love,

and of course, the conspirators always

talking about their slogans.

Anyway, I thought

that I lost another day...

And was about inviting

that girl at the bar to the cinema.

And what a nice surprise...

That girl discovered me inadvertently

what I was looking for long time.

It was a nice view.

He was a country man,

quite old and fat,

convinced that nobody could tease him.

Distrustful... very distrustful.

And... And money! With lots of money!

He was really the perfect type.

Look carefully at him.

Belongs the kind of people who

don't get loose of a pence,

but insists to put

his money someone else's pocket,

if we work it out well.

I didn't doubt. I called my guys

who already knew their roles.

Hello? Manolo? He comes now.

Manolo! Julian!

- What's it?

- Julian found a victim!

Great, come upstairs.

Game over!

Higinia and You watching over

with Pompitas. One of you will be the nun.

You know, the tram. Don't forget it.

- Before, give me money for expenses.

- Sign a receipt.

- Manolo, put on the uniform.

- I'll take your glasses.

- Money is sacred, and you spend a lot!

- I can't see nothing!

Anyway. Come on, it's late.

I'll pick you up with the racing car.

But, hey!

What about me?

You? You work as man-Ad.

And don't screw it up,

you are able to show up there.

White coffee, there on the table.

- Excuse me, do you have light?

- Yes.

- Do you want one?

- No, not now.

What shamelessness.

Then they say yes this or yes that.

The luxury, luxury pervert them all.

It scares me that my daughter gets older,

because with these examples...

- Come on, don't say such things.

- You are luckier,

you're more strict in the villages.

- Man!

- You're not from Madrid, of course.

- What?

- You live in a village.

Best place to live!

Look, look, how awful!

Ah, I got it! You came

to meet a girl, may I introduce her?

No way!

Hey, idiot! Did you forget your glasses?

Good morning.

Fine, the "Black and White".

Hello.

Waiter! Shoe cleaner!

Matches boy!

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Don Hilario.

Coffee coffee and a glass of Napoleon.

Ah, and one portion chips.

What a vulgar cigars are these!

I want Habanos, real Habanos.

I take this one.

- That's live, eh!

- Man!

How goes the business?

Always growing!

This is for you.

Go!

But me, I've always said,

you can't be poor.

- Work!

- Yes, same than you.

Learn, my friend.

Don Hilario don't bothers

the weather, nor hail or anything.

- And earns a lot of money.

- Don't mind him, he just envy me.

Envy!

I'm right. You think

that's okay making money...

as Don Hilario does, while one like me...?

Man! Bring this gentleman a drink.

No thanks.

I'll take olives.

- What about you...?

- I've already had coffee, thanks.

The "victim" doesn't suspected

what was expecting him.

Although Philip was overacting,

our scam was going very well.

The only thing that worried me,

was the delay of the other.

Why they don't enter and play his role?

Paco, with his ambition,

threatened to spoil the thymus.

At last came Julia. Whew!

Look, there is your nun!

Well, the truth is that Don Hilario

isn't that bad at all.

He's very charitable.

You'll see, you'll see!

Good morning, Mother.

- Good morning. - How you doing?

- Fine, son, fine.

You can't imagine

how much we pray for your happiness.

- Hi.

- Good morning.

She's the superior

of the "Little Sisters of Poor's".

And the poor eat dessert

thanks to Don Hilario.

- Here you are, Mother.

- Thanks.

Every day 200 pesetas.

- Not bad, eh?

- But he must have a lot of money!

What he wants, he has a great business.

What's his job?

Something ill*gal?

Much better than that!

- You're welcome!

- Thank you.

You've nothing to give for the poors?

- Give her some alms.

- They're so hungry,

and you look so pious.

He will. Thank you very much, brother.

Very kind. And you, young man?

Lend me 5 pesetas, I have no change.

Thanks, more money. Thank you.

Oh, my poor little things, thank you.

Nice shoes!

Where have you bought it, sister?

- In "Zapatex".

- Thanks.

Good morning.

- Hello, boy.

- Hello!

What?

Work was good yesterday?

- Well, we lost a trip.

- Why?

We crossed Don Rufino's tram,

you know he is always troubling us.

- That scoundrel!

- Now, listen carefully.

We'll denounce him.

Every day the same nonsense,

crossed the tram, crossed the tram!

4150...

Listen, man!

- Why is he so nervous?

- We've to earn 5000 or more!

That's the point, the day he doesn't get

more than 5 thousand, it gets bad.

Where get he it from?

The tram.

The best business in the world.

Imagine, all the people

that goes from one place to another.

- So Don Hilario has a tram?

- Of course!

That's why he can

give daily alms to the nuns.

And listen. Or I get more than

5000 daily, or you will be all fired.

- Yes, sir.

- Here.

- Excuse me, Don Hilario.

- Hands off my chips!

I have to take my wife to the

doctor this afternoon.

- ...my kid, you know?

- So what?

Not you, but she...!

I ask you. Amancio will replace me.

He's my brother.

- OK. But I'll pay no overtime.

- No, sir.

You can go.

And remember what I said,

or I'll shut my eyes and...

Go, go!

Lazybones.

All lazybones!

I'm fed up with the tram!

If they bother me too much...

I sell it!

- And that 5000 are daily?

- Of course, every day.

And Sundays by football even better.

He said he would be able to sell the tram.

No, I don't think so. Hopefully!

I would tell my brother in law,

who has some money, and the good living!

- What expenses do it have?

- Expenses?

Just the tickets paper,

municipality paids the electricity.

- No!

- Excuse me...

That man says that you go upstairs.

Come on, he invite us to play.

Come in, come in. Let's play a game,

is a very healthy exercise.

- It's better than table football.

- I've never played before!

You learn it quickly, take a cue.

- Do you fixed Don Rufino's problem?

- As soon I phoned.

- Who do you spoke with?

- With traffic. He'll get big troubles...

with the syndicate, we are very protected.

- How many shots?

- 300. Me first.

Excuse me for asking.

Do you really want to sell the tram?

- If there is a good purchaser...

- Maybe I...

Surely will cost a fortune.

The prices are lower since buses appeared,

but Americans want to buy them all.

For the bases, you know what I mean.

Well, if you decide to sell,

don't forget my brother in law...

Your brother in law

can't even buy a bicycle.

- But, how much could it be?

- Well, how much, how much, how much...?

Are you interested?

It's just talking question.

I came to Madrid to buy a thresher,

but if there is something better...!

- Don Hilario, my brother in law...

- A Streetcar costs more than a thresher,

but being a solvent person,

will be a piece of cake.

- My Brother in law...

- Maybe, giving a deposit...

- ...and having to respond...

- My brother in law is solvent...

Tell me! How much cash

can give me your brother in law?

- I guess about 25 or 30 thousand.

- Do you realize?

By 25,000 I don't move a muscle!

Look, I have 60,000 pesetas here...

for the thresher.

And I have farms in the village.

60,000? I'm sorry, but...

Well, I can take a taxi

and bring what I have in the bank.

Don't know, don't know, don't know...

I need 150,000 cash,

because I'm trying to buy 12 buses...

- And it would be nice to get money, now!

- Sure.

- I need it for documents, signatures...

- Listen.

If you agree, deal!

I've 150,000 tomorrow!

Fine, but you can't buy

without knowing what you are buying.

I could be a swindler!

That's very easy. Let's see the tram now!

I'm a fool for trusting strangers.

Leave me alone!

Then came the most

delicate moment of the thymus.

Because the tram we

were about to show the poor man,

wasn't Manolo the collector.

We had to try that he doesn't

get on the first tram we saw.

Felipe, who was a genius,

took everything in advantage...

to give the impression that he

was the owner of a tram.

You must be tough, you know.

The public doesn't like to be disturbed.

- Do you understand?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Also, they can spoil the tram.

- Of course.

- Have you nothing to do?

- No.

I'll be here till

I know what this man decides.

- If he doesn't want...

- Don't worry, you've nothing to do here.

- There, there it is!

- What do you think?

It's done!

Get on, get on!

What do you think? Extra flat model,

good looking, big capacity.

Austrian-Hungarian equipment,

with its bars, lamps,

and all people with money!

No free passes as in the suburbs.

- Good morning, Don Hilario.

- Good morning, how is it going?

- Well, (...).

- Yes, yes, I know, I know.

Come on, watch this one. We don't know him.

- Is one of the inspectors.

- Ah, Ok.

- Vigilance is essential.

- Sure, sure!

Collectors aren't thruthful.

I always pay! So they know

that nobody has a drive for free.

- Please, Please.

- Over here.

Good morning.

Thanks, my friend. And watch the money,

there are many rascals out there.

- The good thing is... it's cheap.

- Get out of my way.

- What? Are you still interested?

- I like it.

- If we agree...

- Sure we do.

- The important is you know what you buy.

- Well, whenever we talk.

No reason to wait!

We get out and finish the deal.

That's my ring.

Push, push. Stop!

You'll see that brakes!

Get off, get off!

- Is it Nice?

- Yes, everything, everything!

And the tram body?

- What are you doing there?!

- Out of here, brats!

Always the same.

Look, that body! Agility!

Well painted!

I almost feel sorry for sell it.

Nothing to do with business, understand?

But you have a heart and...

Well, now you will have buses,

don't worry about it.

That's true.

But buses puff and get flat tires.

- So?

- I go this afternoon to the village...

and tomorrow I'm back with 150,000.

Maybe your wife doesn't like the deal

and you don't return, and my brother in...

Hey, hey!

Don't trick me!

I like formality.

- I'm a man.

- Yes, yes, but I'm not sure.

Should sign something or give money down.

- No problem!

- It isn't distrust.

But business are business.

I prefer to make the deal.

I'm getting tired with this gentleman

and the song with his brother in law!

Maybe he takes advantage of my trip and...

How much do you think...?

I don't know?

If you want... all.

I need to keep something.

For the trip, you know?

55,000 now and the rest tomorrow.

- Ok, Ok.

- And me?

- You?

- The charge.

I helped you with the deal, my

brother in law will be very disappointed.

- Why?

- That you made a great deal.

At least it was mine, right?

He isn't wrong.

Give him... 2,000 pesetas.

Don't be so stingy,

from tomorrow you'll earn a lot, dammit!

Take it, take it!

You're like eagles in capitals!

- Thank you.

- Well, here is your receipt.

So, you said...

- that you're going to village now.

- That's it.

- And tomorrow at 12 AM in the "Oriental".

- At 12 AM without fail!

- Ok. See you tomorrow.

- See you.

Goodbye.

Next day, all fearing

that he would come with the police,

went to see what was going on

at the appointment's place.

We sent "Pompitas" to watch,

he returned with his report.

Come closer!

Tell me the news.

The guy with him isn't from the police.

I don't know him,

he's neither from here nor Barcelona.

And he's not disguised,

is a hillbilly like the other.

And nobody suspected nearby?

- None!

- Then, let's go.

I say and I'm very experienced,

that those guys have the money.

- They will put us in jail.

- They won't put as in...

Come on, let's go!

Come on, you first, Manolo.

Well, what if I get caught!

- We'll take cigarettes to jail. Easy.

- Pompitas!

- Give me this in advance.

- Dammit!

- Come on, we've to take risks.

- And if...

Come on, Felipe. Go, it's done.

Stupid, Uncivil!

No! It's a man with many

businesses and has some delay.

Wait and you'll see!

Everybody will be laughing at the village!

Tell the police.

I said to you that this man

is very kind and very Catholic.

He gives each day 200 pesetas to a nun.

Look, here comes the collector!

- Hey, good man.

- Is it me?

Yes, come here.

You came to give the money

to Don Hilario, right?

- Yes, but...

- You see!

Sit, please. Waiter!

- Bring him what he want, a coffee...

- A big baguette with filling.

- The stomach, you know?

- I'm also waiting Don Hilario.

I bought his tram.

- Lot of money today?

- Yeah...

You can tell me.

I'll be your boss, dammit.

What? How much?

5,506 pesetas.

We put the sign, "No tickets".

What?

Still want to call the police?

Well, I hope you help me.

Of course, I'll be more

open-handed than Don Hilario.

We'll agree with that.

Sure, keeping staff happy we can make

more trips than Don Hilario thinks.

Even getting into the

football line, on Sundays.

Well, here comes Don Hilario.

- Forgive me, I had to go to banks and...

- Sit, please.

- Better go to my office. This way.

- Alright.

Come in, come in here.

I have my little office here.

Don't need to pay

1,500 pesetas on the Gran Via.

Here we are comfortable, good light,

it's quiet. Sit down, please.

- He was determined to accompany me,

- A pleasure.

- he thought I had been fooled.

- I'm a serious man.

- How much?

- 5,506.

- You see? Give it to me.

- A moment, a moment.

We haven't signed yet.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be all yours.

I want to sign ASAP.

Here's the money.

Well, this is the

property document.

And the tickets.

I've already signed,

we just need your sign.

Clear and with stamp.

- Hi.

- Hi, huh?

- What?

- I came to collect the tax.

- What tax?

- Well, a tax.

- How much!?

- 350 pesetas.

Hey. Pay him.

Is the tax. And as we signed yet,

it's your duty.

- Then, the tram is mine.

- Yes.

Look, I will explain you.

This is the confidence collector.

He will bring you money every day.

He will teach you the

easy handling of the tram,

- where the garage is, how to clean it.

- Hello, good afternoon.

This is the one that

was about to bust my business!

- Let's go, come on.

- Let's see the tram. Come on.

We were looking forward to

disappear but we had to go with them.

Had we known that we would get more!

Because we got more money.

Look, look how gorgeous!

- Australian material, right?

- Yes sir, the newest.

Top Australian material.

My brother...

- Don Hilario, wait!

- A moment, please.

- He's the inspector. He watches, you know?

- Yeah, yeah. Hey, this is a good deal.

Of course, you thought I'm silly?

This man knows someone else

who wants to sell a tram?

- Hey, the tram goes away!

- Better, better, don't worry!

- More trips.

- Sure!

My friend is nagging me...

because he wants to buy another tram.

No!

Sure, if there is one that suits me.

Don Hilario, when you find another tram

to sell, it's for my brother in law.

Don't know, don't know...

Could be possible, of course.

There is a girl whose father

is sick, very sick.

And diseases require many expenses.

We can meet her at San Juan's Church.

She's always praying!

Here, the deposit.

You've done it again!

You're a scoundrel, tell Marujita!

- Well, I'll continue with my duty.

- We go to San Juan's Church.

You'll meet Marujita, a very nice girl!

- What happens now?

- Here, hide the money, just in case.

- Back to work!

- Hello!

Marujita, we can sell another tram.

So go to San Juan's Church.

- No... Lend me your glasses.

- Yes, your father is sick.

Here! Go.

- Who will be the collector?

- Don't worry!

- Where is the church?

- Opposite Conga's, baby!

Julian is a genius.

- Good morning, Marujita. How are you?

- Good morning, Don Hilario.

I introduce you to these gentlemen.

He wants to buy a tram!

- Nice to meet you. Oh, my lord!

- How is your father?

Bad, worse every day.

Well, if you want

to send your father to Sweden...

Now have you

the chance to make some money.

He even doesn't respect

an orphan's suffering.

I'm not sure.

Oh, my lord, the tram is a

secure income, but if we sell it...

Sure, sure.

The point is that your dad

cure, go to Sweden.

That's also true. Oh, my lord!

Crows, you're crows.

But, my brother in law...!

You've to decide, Marujita.

Think in your poor father.

Yes, of course.

Well, let's go outside.

This is no place to discuss business.

Oh, my God.

Do you realize? Not threshers.

Streetcars! We must modernize.

- But the tram is good?

- Let's see it now.

It's not like mine. It's an older model,

but works a great route.

- How much daily, Marujita?

- 3,000 pesetas.

Did you hear? Come on, come on.

You see?

God punishes you for not believe.

Here, at this table. Sit, Marujita.

And there isn't a way to find

one like his?

I don't think so, have to ask the ministry,

that's very difficult, isn't it Marujita?

Oh, my dad,

I'm not sure to sell it.

- Don't you want him to heal?

- Here comes a tram, is it yours?

- I don't know. Is it blue?

- Yes, I think it's blue.

That's mine.

Is very old!

Yes, but very cheap.

You won't get a ship for 5,000's deposit!

Even the brother in law

of this gentleman has that money...

- My brother in law, my brother in law...!

- Neither brother in law nor sister in law!

Nothing, nothing. Deal is deal.

I buy it. Let's see the terms.

I don't know.

How much, Marujita?

- Hey, wait a minute!

- You've to read the contract before.

Stop, stop!

Easy, easy!

We've to legalize the purchase,

and to do it, we've to toast.

You pay!

They were delighted to life.

It was a great feeling.

The problem would be the next day.

Aren't they out there?

No. No one comes.

- Neither the nun!

- Relax, they will come.

I'm sure the

collector has stolen the money!

I never saw a man so

impatient and more distrustful than you!

Hey...

- You really don't know Don Hilario?

- No, sir.

But I've been here with him!

Don't you remember?

- The tram's owner.

- It comes so many people along!

Let's go to the tram stop.

Hey, if the nun or the others comes,

we'll be back.

Stop!

Why haven't I got my money?

Money, my money! Where is it?

- Don Hilario said...!

- But what money, sir?

When I get angry I'm like a beast!

Help, police!

This one, no.

Him either.

Him, him! This is him!

A second. Let me see.

It's him?

Yeah, that's him. He has a brother in law

with plenty of money. Yeah, that's him.

I guessed so.

I supposed it, only Julian "El Toribio"

has such things in mind.

Go search for him!

Hats off!

They cheated me 150,000 pesetas.

That Blessed Swedish, if I catch her!

A Streetcar! For God's sake!

Damn Julian!

What's he selling now?

Is the best thing ever invented

to water from the air.

You can use it at fields,

beach, everything!

- Also for orange trees?

- Yes, with this special tool for free.

Yes, yes! Look, you open it...

Police!

Please, hold this, see you.

What the...!

Well, you know why I'm here now.

Many of these also have their own stories.

Would you like to know what he made?

The fat one.

He invented a good thymus, indeed.

He'll tell you the story another day.

Don't you know him? I introduce him.

Hey, Calisto.

- Calisto!

- What?

The cheated, begun with scams

and came over to our side.