02x03 - El Tornadador

[bunniefuu]

Xavier: a friendship is a

Sacred floater, a

Kemo-thera-sabe-putic bond twix

Two 'n's, like cookies 'n'

Beans, franks 'n' cream,

Friends.

I've never supped from the

Meat cup of having even one

Chum.

But my crony-less-ness is aboo

To died of loneliness-ness, for

Today is the day I make my firs

Real friend.

Constructed fromst cat feathers

'N' eagle mud.

I do believe sugura 'n' I shall

Become the bosomest of brahs.

I love you, suggy.

Are you my mommy?

Hold me, mommy.

Oh, come on, prude, you know you

Want it.

No one has to know.

Sugura, no!

Betrayed yet again.

But 'tweren't sugura who blew me

Off.

'Twas my new nemesis -- the

Wind, mine enema numbero un.

Wind, you have fume-miliated me

For the last time -- always

Putting on airs.

You're just rejected breath from

The great cosmic yawn of

Consciousness.

Blow me, win-duh.

More like "lose-duh."

I declarate w*r on thine.

Yes, enslave the wind,

Capturuously enyoke the

Gutless bloke.

[ Grunts ]

Get away from me.

Xavier: noble sir, you make

The wind succumb, throwing work

To the wind like an ox or moron.

You're the enemy of my enemy,

My friend.

Guy, you obviously have no

Friends.

Xavier: with these pinwheels,

You grab wind by the scruff of

Its neck and whip the wicked

Fiend into suckling at the h*

Dog of your bidding.

Yeah, one thing I learned

From the ex -- you can't control

Nature.

Young one, a true master can

Control nature.

I can make these green trees

Turn brown.

Xavier: wow!

And my beard got so soft!

You really are a friend, huh?

Hmm.

There's a thin line between a

Friendship and a foe-boat.

Xavier: I wish for a friend.

[ Blows ]

Wind is the unanswered wish

Breath of a lonely boy.

[ Donkey brays ]

Stupid donkey.

If I prove you can control

Nature, you agree to be my

Friend?

If -- if you don't, you'll

Leave me alone.

Xavier: see how he leads the

Beast, how he ensupplicates

Nature's base face under the

Sound thumb of his harmonic

Hypno-leash, melodizing its

Slithering will to mulch.

Everything you're saying is

Total nonsense, but the scale

Of it turns my theories inside

Out.

Xavier: so, now that we're

Friends, what do you want to do?

Chew the spit? Swap some fat?

Spit on fat?

I have wind work to do.

Xavier: but chew on swap!

Another comrade snatched, sucked

Off by the wind.

Almost made a friend ♪

But he's an enemy now ♪

Snake hand, where are you going?

Snake hand says, "I can'

Help it."

I owe you one, my friend.

Xavier: this is no

Friendship.

[ Groans ]

Xavier: snake hand, I didn'

Know your were bi.

I mean, I have noticed you

Checkin' me out in the shower.

I got to say, I noticed you,

Too, friend.

[ Grunting ]

'Tis grotesque-utiful.

My pants are damp with blood

Tears of rapturous misery.

Xavier: you misspelled

"Rose," darky.

But I'm here to make things

White again.

What is this grand gif

Stabbing mine eyes with ocular

Pleasure?

You look outside how I feel

Inside, for I am dark notion.

And that is my dark notion.

Your body shrieks the silen

Truth all of the pretty people

Of this world deny.

Xavier: yeah, I do haunch

Squats to power-crunch my guacs.

Yes, this sad world thrashes

My flesh as well.

But you -- you've out-undone me.

Xavier: my god!

You've been abused.

Who is your a-bruiser?

You can tell me.

It was society.

My body is merely the canvas

Upon which I paint the

Punishment for her hideocratic

Crime.

Xavier: society, eh?

It's always the quiet ones.

But I am going to deliver howls

Of justice at them through the

Jowls of my fists.

Society, I have you

Surround-erd.

Turn yourselves in.

You've been abusing this boy,

And it ends here.

[ Electronic voice ] who

Abused him?

Who abused the boy?

Xavier: all of you

Collectively -- society.

Give up while you still can.

I'm giving you one last chance

Before my next last pre-chance.

Can't we have one

St. Swithun's day without this

Crap?

Xavier: hands on your heads

And lay on the ground.

If you have handcuffs, kindly

Slip them on.

If you resist, be a dear and

Taser yourselves.

By definition, you're part of

Society, too, you prickthing!

Xavier: oh, no. He's right.

Okay, we're getting down on the

Ground.

Come on. Don't be a hypocrite.

We're part of society, too.

Take that! Taste the pain!

Xavier: well, at least some

Of society got our comeuppance.

Oh, the ecstatic anguish of

Being treated like society.

My new nom de gloom

Shall be known as

"Baron society weinberg."

Xavier: whatever flicks your

Bean, society.

What more do you want to

Disturb and disrupt?

Mayhem, pretty please, with

Blisters on top.

Xavier: that showboating

Snake charmer is a faux

Friendshipping dinghy fairy.

No man should

Enshackle-basketate serpents in

Wickerine prisons.

Methinks I will set these snakes

Free.

Xavier: methink these fried

Yummy cakes should be free.

Slither to your freedom,

Satan's sweet scaly

Succu-bye-bye!

Xavier: scamper home, my five

Fine free fried friends.

I'd love to stay and savor

The flavor of your murderous

Mentalism, but I work at a vegan

Slaughter-torium.

It's the jumbo joose in

Pioneer square.

But we shall be alone together

Again.

Toodle, friend.

Xavier: "friend"? Poor loser.

I'm probably his only friend.

Kid needs me.

I have made a friend ♪

My enemy will be green with

Enemy-vy ♪

Ugh!

Xavier: just the nose I

Wanted to rub my win in.

Don't touch me, weirdo!

I'm looking for my friend.

Take that! Taste the pain!

Xavier: [ scoffs ]

I've never seen anyone so

Desperate to find a friend tha

He'd beat up an enemy.

Makes me sick.

[ Grunting ]

Hey! There you are!

You were right!

I have to show you a secret, bu

It's just between us friends.

Xavier: "friends"?!

Poor guy comes crawling back.

Climatologists have yet to

Find a way to control weather.

You gave me the idea to

Synthesize weather systems on a

Human scale.

I can create a wind gust,

Regulate temperature, moisture,

And pressure in a controlled

Environment, until a perfec

Hurricane forms, bite-size, tha

Takes on its own furious

Momentum and its perpetual

Energy can be harnessed.

Xavier: [ thinking ]

Mr. Lonely crawling back to be

My friend -- kind of sad.

I can use it to power my tv.

Xavier: he's so fixated on

Being friends.

And I have full power over

Them.

Go make me a grinder lunch.

Of course, sometimes they ge

Uppity and you've got to keep

Them in their place.

Hyah!

I'm putting you out to work the

Fields!

Xavier: whippity-whippity

Whoa!

And what do you call these

Wind monkeys -- wigga-boos?

Wiggers.

Why, I caught this wigger

Staring saucy at my mistress.

Xavier: you've totally broken

Wind.

Environ-yentalists have

Finally got their final

Solution.

This will revolutionize the

World.

I just need to tell society

About it, and sheila will come

Back to me.

Xavier: I was just talking to

Society earlier today.

I shall bring society here.

Friend? Friend?

Xavier: friend!

[ Gasps ] what are you?

Oh!

Hippies are my creep-tonite.

I'm looking for my slimy chum.

Take that! Taste the pain!

[ Donkey brays ]

Xavier: I almost forgot.

Snake hand, I want to shove so

Deep inside you it comes out my

Other arm.

Oh, there you are!

Look what I scratchit-ed.

Xavier: you need to come.

My other friend yearns to show

You the hurricanes he's chained

Up in his lab.

Society yearns to un-manacle

All shackles.

Not actual society.

I mean me, the guy named

"Society," not th--

You know what?

This name is not working out.

If you help me free those poor

Hurricanes, I'll be your bes

Friend.

Xavier: best friends?

Mm. Pretend I can read.

That's two higher than jus

Friends -- deal!

Meet me at the lab in five.

Oh, and bring a windbag.

I've got a best frie-- ♪

[ Grunting ]

[ Tires screech ]

Bad news. Your secret got out.

A couple of creepy loners -- one

Of them's actually pretty

Cool -- are planning to free

Your wind.

But don't worry.

I'll guard your hurri-klan.

I mean, if you agree to be my

Full-on compadre.

Sure.

I mean, you've been so nice.

Xavier: just initial here,

And I'll go stop them.

You're ahead so far, but I

Think I can squeeze some

Next-level out of this.

I've been thinking, snake hand.

I don't just want a hot physical

Relationship.

I want to have your hand babies.

There's a problem-o.

They're on to us.

They must have someone on the

Inside.

And the guy they've got to catch

Us -- he's a cool guy, so I

Don't think I can get involved

In this.

Are you selling out?

Xavier: no!

But before I dive into this, I

Need to know if you are serious

Enough to commit to being my

Bromigo.

Of course.

Xavier: pull on this.

We'll be totally bro-nogomous.

Now that we've unshackled 'm,'

Let's shove 'm' in the bag 'n'

Get 'm' to the creek of

Freed-'m.

That's them, officers.

They released my wind.

Xavier: uh-oh!

No piggy gonna bust this nut.

The prison of the mind, mommy.

Hey, compadre.

The slimy turncoat just slipped

Through my fingers, but that's

The other creek crook.

Let's go, weirdo.

Sheila!

I'm a patsy, and I love it.

Man, if you found that other

Guy, we'd be triple-uber

Bromigo-sabes deluxe.

Xavier: I thought tha

Friendular designation was jus

A wonderful fairy tale.

Uh, i-i think he's right behind

Here.

Hey snake hand, I like you a

Little bit.

I like you a little more than

That.

There! I almost got him!

You admit you did it?

Yes, I am guilty.

You are so tough and cool tha

You caught me, friend.

Take him away, officers.

Come on, weirder-o!

Xavier: now that we're

Bromigo-sabes, we'll never be

Apart.

Nothing can ever separate us.

Aah!

Xavier: dred scott!

It's an uprising.

We've got to suppress

Revolutionary movements.

Now it's drilling into the

Ground!

It's boring!

Stupid donkey.

I've got to turn this problem

Inside out, to get the snake

Charmer.

He owes me a favor.

He who controls the snake of

Snakes controls the hurricane of

Hurricanes.

This is the end result of energy

Independence.

He's reversing the tornado's

Tide.

It's working!

Yes, it is, my friend.

Xavier: I guess there is a

Thin line between a friendship

And a foe-boat.

You have learned well, young

One.

Xavier: chief!

You did all of this just to

Teach me a lesson?

That's true friendship.

Come here, friend.

Huh? Paper?

Wind, you've turned my world

Inside oot.

And that is my dark notion.