02x05 - Free Range Manibalism

[bunniefuu]

Xavier: these byways of

American't are crusted con

Carnage, paved graves tha

Though connect us, so too tear

Us from nature's call.

I'm up to my nostrils in

Nature's call, ankle-deep in

Carci.

Most folk are blind to the

Corpses that riddle the

Geno-side of the road.

I was taught to respect the

Sacridity of each creature, to

Use every part of the k*ll.

Yoo-hoo!

Who here receives meat?

Oh! I hope it's you.

Ugh!

Can I help you to not be in

Here?

Xavier: you just struck the

Lotto d'beef.

I can't let it go to waste when

It could go to pot.

If you're trying to talk your

Way into the bathroom, it's for

Customers only.

Xavier: its own juicy flesh

Is the greatest gift a beast can

Bestow.

We are nourished by its juicy

Life-force.

We absorb the cosmic energy of

Its juicy being.

Here.

We have higher mea

Standards.

Xavier: you're one of those

Organic free-range nazis, huh?

Much higher.

Xavier: well, higher-eil

Meatler.

Here each of our livestock is

Ensured a full, rewarding

Existence, waited on hand and

Hoof, a pampered life free from

All suffering so that its aural

Energies are karmically pure.

We allow every beast the freedom

To make any alternative

Lifestyle choice he, she, or

He/she desires.

Only after it dies of natural

Causes in the arms of its loved

Ones do we even think abou

Serving it.

Our sensitive clientele demands

A dining experience free from

The infected, cannibalistic

Insanity of mad cow or

Crazy rascal's disorder.

Xavier: that's fascinating.

Anyway, so, can I use your

Bathroom or not?

I knew it.

Terry, throw this guy outta

Here!

Those big shots in there is

Like, "looky me!

I'm special!

I ate somethin' fancy!"

What I'm sayin' is we got to

Legalize glue, man.

It's got other uses that aren'

Just mind-expanding, like

Whoa!

Look.

That thing is weird, man.

What are you talkin' about?

That thing's been here for six

Months.

All this poking's giving me the

Hungees for the fungees.

Come on.

[ Wind whistling ]

Watch it, freakbeat!

You spilled my glue -- like our

Society, man.

Xavier: why are you huddled

Messes writhing in vagabondage?

Ooh!

The founding fathers grew

Glue on the blue on our flag.

Hey, who are you, man?

Xavier: I am he who can't be

Blind to this squalora.

As long as one man goes hungry,

No one should eat until everyone

Is full.

I know!

The w*r on glue is a failure of

A waste of money with a capital

"T," and that's for freedom!

Hey, who are you, man?

Xavier: that broil meat is

Treated like juicy royalty,

While you sad animals are troa

Like beef, stewing in your own

Juicy pant gravy.

I've just epiphanized a way to

Make your wretched life lap

Luxury in the lap of life and to

Get me a number-one-way ticke

To bladder's bladder bliss.

Just got to get ahold of some

Pigskin.

This is my shimmering life

Prize.

All I must do is create a

Diversion.

What could distract people who

Love sports?

[ Echoing ] sports? Sports?

Sports! Sports! Sports!

Sports?

Sports?

All: [ chanting ] sports!

Sports! Sports! Sports! Sports!

This glue on my skin is like

Mother's milk in the eye of the

Diamond in the sea of the

Hey, who put this turd on my

Cake?

Xavier: I'm empignating you.

Once we get in the resta-ranch,

Just behave like the hogs you

Are, and you'll be ravaged by

Lavishness and I'll get urethral

Relief by the skin of these

ba*ls.

I've returned to empork you.

Brought you some pigs to coddle,

Too.

Oh, the precious animals of

The world!

Xavier: and now can I

Squirrel it in your turlet?

Make it quick.

Xavier: bingo-doodle-loo!

[ Slurps ]

[ Slurps ]

I'm finally being treated

Like a human.

Maybe now I can stop huffing to

Forget my nightmares of w*r.

Xavier: zip it.

Where's your associate?

Sooey!

Here, piggy, piggy, piggy!

He moistened to death in a

Tub of lotion.

They're serving him now.

Looky me!

I'm special!

I ate somethin' fancy!

Mad madmen's disease.

Was that tainted hog?!

Xavier: taint? Hog?

It's mannibalism.

They've eaten your little booty

Buddy.

I mean, I assume you two were,

Uhenh-uh! Enh-uh!

Nothing I love sticks with

Me.

I need a stronger adhesive than

Glue to heal my wounds.

Xavier: chief, I want to

Learn every step of healing.

Young one, in order to heal a

Wound, there must first be a

Wound.

Xavier: aah!

A sore is a door through

Which the source of your

Suffering can escape.

[ High-pitched voice ] I can

Teach you that pain is all in

Your head.

Xavier: please! Hurry!

[ Clank! ]

Ohh!

[ Normal voice ] now the pain

Is all in your head.

Xavier: I'm going to take you

On a 12-step journey of a

Thousand rehabilimiles to the

Land of you.

For now, to face your fears, you

First must face the fear of your

Face.

Look at what's becoming of ye.

This is dumb, man.

What am I looking for?

[ Clang! ]

What's that, man?

Xavier: that's your aura.

Tune in to it.

I'm hurting.

Who wants to party?

What's an aura?

Xavier: 'tis the luminous

Echo of your brute physicalia,

The ultimate ethereal glue tha

Entwines the ego with the

Universal field of

Consciousness.

Ultimate glue, man?

I like the sound of that!

What are you two doing in

Here?

Pure, uncut aura!

This is the good stuff.

You want a hit?

Xavier: pain is never the

Fault of the feeler.

It's just the fault of all the

Actions you consciously chose to

Make.

Why would you blame the

Victim?!

Take that!

Taste the pain!

Xavier: all of your abuse

Won't stop me from saving your

Life.

We all tough-love you, and we're

Here for you.

This is an inner-vention.

You like subtle distinctions?

Ever since you said you loved

Me, things have gotten really

Weird around here.

Xavier: I'll handle this.

You think you can make it on

Your own?!

I'd like to see you dive!

I hate you!

Xavier: I got this completely

Under control.

Little lady, as long as you live

Under my ballet studio that we

Just broke into, you live under

My rules!

You're not my real dad!

You're never gonna see me again!

Xavier: go on.

Run away.

Those mean streets will eat you

Out and spit you up and down

Its mouth.

Ooh!

Now go -- run to her.

She's crying out for you.

I set her up.

Knockers down.

She left me, like everything

I love!

I need stronger adhesive.

I can't handle being abandoned.

Xavier: welp, I'm gonna take

Off.

But I'm not going to rest until

I find her and get you two

Soul mates back together!

I shall be your cupid, only this

Winged cherubic archer won't be

So quick to the k*ll.

And I didn't rest, nor did I

k*ll.

I shadowed her with all my

Might, kept her in my sights

Like rights on whites, biding my

Time, waiting to strike like a

Salvationating viper of revival,

Blanched in the venomous

Knowledge that you can't un-ca

A tastrophe before it becomes a

Crisis any more than you can

Heal a wound that isn't there or

Save a life that is alive.

I watched her get into some bad

Stuff -- smack, crim-cram,

Jimminies, drumbles, and sci-fi.

She hit rock bottom when she le

Strangers enter her for money

And gave them her aural

Pleasures till they had a

Souljaculation, a spiritgasm in

Her chasm.

Before long, she was turning

Tricks in a brothel for a pimp,

Name of per se.

I decided to go in undercover --

Deep undercover -- deeper than

The depthiousness of

Deepiness-ness-ness-ness-ness-

Ness-ness-ness-ness-ness.

You her pimp?

I'm not a pimp, per se, but I

Could get you some, per se, if

You give me that fly-a*s coat.

Do you want aural or

Hand-aural?

[ Gasps ]

How'd you find me?!

Xavier: guess again.

I've come to break you out of

Here.

You can't be happy in this

Religiz bizsniz.

I am a strong, independen

Aura!

I'm in control of my life!

And I feel whole when someone's

Inside of me.

Xavier: welp, I gave it my

Best shot.

And since you're so liberalated,

I wouldn't mind feeling tha

"Whole" myself.

But you're, like, my family.

You're disgusting.

Xavier: oh, so you'll be

Quitting after all?

Miss conceited has conceded to

The grander wizard.

Fine, I'll do it.

[ Moaning ]

I can't do this!

You're just too

[ Retches ]

Xavier: come on.

Just finish me off.

It's all the way up to my nose,

Ready to blow.

I came in for nuttin', and I go

Nuttin' -- like, I never came.

Sorry, but I have my

Standards.

Your 2:00 sheep is here.

Okay!

Woolsy wants a donkey punch.

And no chitchat.

Xavier: this is unnatural.

What's that sore on your side?

Are you using protection?

I'm her protection, n*gga.

Xavier: this madness could

Lead to chaos.

A yogi must learn to master

Chaos.

A butterfly flapping its wing to

The east can cause a tsunami in

Japan.

If I flap its wings upwards,

Good things happen.

And if I make two of them

Kiss

Xavier: aah!

Of course, some things are

Totally beyond my control.

[ Glass shatters ]

Xavier: I am the only thing

Standing betwixt this town and

Chaos.

Oh, no!

The infection is already afoot,

Spreading like a mother's legs

On free-peanut-butter day.

[ Voice amplified ] your auras

Are being infected with a

Spiritually transmitted

Disease!

You have soul sores, chakra

Chancres, psyche scabs,

Life-force lesions!

Act now and get some super

Goo gu!

[ Normal voice ] the very stuff

Of your collective spiritual

Reality is breaking out!

Be careful.

A sore is a door through which

The source of your suffering can

Escape.

[ Crowd screaming ]

[ g*nf*re, explosions ]

Looky me!

Xavier: your quick-fix,

Free-range chickens of spiritual

Chaos are coming home to

Roost-a-doodle -- whoa!

Frittata!

The sore -- it's closing up

Around the town!

I've got one chance to lance

This boil.

A real pimp will pop this

Pimple.

All: [ chanting ] sports!

Sports! Sports! Sports! Sports!

Xavier: if any ladies see me

Save this town, I'm going to be

Knee-deep in

Pus?!

You people have forgotten the

True meaning of christmas!

It's about playing tribute to

Our proud veterans who fough

And died for our right to die in

A fight to the death.

That's it!

Veteran?

I tried to sign up for w*r, bu

They said I was too crazy to

k*ll.

Xavier: well, this all

Started when you separated from

Your aura.

You've got to get back.

I smoked too much cement.

Xavier: you're hard as a

Rock.

I know where to stick you in.

[ Squish! ]

[ Speaking backwards ]

h* h* h*!

I feel pure again!

And as mayor, I vow to ensure

That our spiritual experiences

Are substantive!

Thanks, xavier, wherever you

Are!

[ Splat! ]

Xavier: yep.

Glad I could help.

Makes me feel so fulfilled, I

Just could -- ohh!

The butterflies of spiritual

Chaos are hatching!