02x10 - Braingea's Final Cranny

[bunniefuu]

Xavier: "mom" spelled

Backwards is "wow."

And "wow" spelled backwards

Is -- woe is me, that I can'

Seem to find my mom.

But you don't see me crying

About it.

I won't cry.

It's mind over

[ Sobbing ] mommy!

I didn't just cry.

Denial is not just an ocean of

Africanized tears.

I swore I'd ramble and traverse

A continent till I found my

Mother.

But I've reached land's end.

[ Echoing ] endendend.

Providence, where now is mine

Purple

Thanks for giving me my firs

Job, mr. Eddie.

I won't let you down.

15 Cents off tuna-safe dolphin

Tacos!

Ow!

Xavier: oh, no -- the wailing

Of a dolphin!

This creature's been beachered.

I've got to free this wily willy

And toss him off.

Don't worry, everyone.

I speak dying dolphin.

Uh

Chong, chong, dish no wah wah

Dong dong?

Dolphin's best be the mind stand

Of the briny gulf, but you're

Not the sharpest pudding in the

Fanny pack.

I'll miss you, too.

Be free and be me by swimming

Back to your mommy.

[ Zap! ]

Something feels abnormal with

The baby inside me.

We can't abort it this late

In the pregnancy.

The most we could do is t*rture

It a bit.

Let's try that.

Damn it, mcgultry, you're

Fired.

How am I gonna tell my mom I

Got fired?

Xavier: porpoiseoid!

I didn't save that doll fish

Just to see a murderizer drag

Its poor arctic corpse through

The streets.

If you're going to slay an

Animal, you had better be

Prepared to eat the whole thing.

What are you?

Xavier: I'm dr. Do-a-lot-le.

I live my life on fly-fingers

Principle.

I wouldn't raise a finger to

Hurt a fly.

But if you don't bone appetite,

These fly fingers will make you

Go on a seafood diet.

Okay, just don't hurt me.

[ Chomp! Chomp! ]

The crushing pain of life will

Be over soon.

Xavier: I told you, if you're

Going to k*ll something, you'd

Better eat it.

Now chow down, or I'll break my

Vow of nonviolence against your

Face.

Let me out!

Let me out!

[ Screaming ]

Yeah, of course, a furry

Creature back in the shimmering

Object.

You just need some rest, okay?

You'll cure my brain?

I never want to see those

Visions again.

We'll take you to a nice

Place.

They got a man came in believing

He's a horse, and they've

Already worked him down to

Thinking he's just a goose.

They got a guy who thinks he's

Some pepper, and they pay a

Fella to stand next to him and

Sneeze.

They even got a woman who thinks

She gave birth to an it --

Strange old sl*t.

Xavier: mommy.

They got a boy who was raised

By a cricket and a cricket tha

Was raised by a tick.

They got a dental tr*nny -- man

With the choppers of a lady --

Call him the tooth fairy.

Boy, his mouth is so soft.

Welcome.

I'm not your maid, and I'm no

Your mom.

We use only positive

Reinforcement here.

If you don't like it, we hit you

With the prod.

If you refuse to eat, we inser

A feeding tube.

If you eat the feeding tube, we

Hit you with the prod.

If you complain about the prod,

We hit you with the prod.

If you refuse to take your meds

Orally, you'll be fed your mouth

Rectally.

Here's the fun-house mirrors for

The anorexic.

These are the patients who think

They're --

They're self-blurring.

The nymph wh*re, cutters,

Greasers, rockers, mods, dagos,

Wops.

This is the reverse-psychology

Wing.

Hey, get down from there!

I think my hallucination

Snuck into the hospital!

Harry, fire up the

Lobotomizer!

Xavier: now to sneakishly

Search each nook and cranny for

My mammy.

Yoo-hoo!

Cranny!

This area's for patients

Only.

Can I help you?

Xavier: I'm here to, uh,

Check myself in, yeah.

I suspect I'm crazy, with a

Capital and sideways "z" that's

Also flipped upside-down,

Interestingly.

That would make youcrany?

Xavier: damn it, he sees

Right through me.

He can tell I'm sane.

Got to hoodink this wink into

Thinking I'm king crazythink.

It'll take some mental elbow

Grease, but no pain-ity, no

Insanity.

Who are you talking to?

Frittata, I'm in.

He's buying it, helen.

No one!

Why would I be talking to

Someone?

I'm too -- too --

[ Cuckoo! ]

[ Meow! ]

[ Engine sputters ]

Hang on.

Just got to pull the choke here.

[ Engine turns over ]

There we go.

Yep, convertible -- jealous?

Fascinating.

Subject to begin the evaluation

Process.

Look at this ink blot, and tell

Me what you see.

Go with it.

Don't hold back.

Absorb yourself into it.

Xavier: get away, you

Sickening inkling.

I don't have to be an evil

Demon.

I am whatever you choose to see

Me as.

Xavier: oh, yeah?

What if I want you to be my

Bike?

Oh, whee!

What about a pony?

Yahoo!

A bike for the pony?

I want some ice cream.

Hey, pony, can I borrow a couple

Of bucks?

No?

Broke-a*s pony.

I want you should be a pony,

Only this pony has a couple of

Spare bucks.

I'll take that.

Now, where's the ice-cream

Store?

I can just become ice cream,

If you want.

You needn't complicate this.

Xavier: I don't need your

Charity.

Here, just take the ice

Cream.

Xavier: wait, is this some

Kind of a trap?

Only one yummy way to find out.

Yummy shrimp.

Brain freeze!

This notion nosh is gonna go

Right to my mental hips.

What else is happening there?

Go deeper.

Xavier: hey, muchacho, where

Did you do to my ice cream,

Chachi?

I am your ice cream.

But it's really just you.

Xavier: make up your mind.

First you say I'm scream, then

You'm scream.

What, we all'm scream?

You're not the crispiest mea

Hat in chican, do you?

If you're calling me stupid,

You're just calling yourself

Stupid.

Xavier: well, I'm rubber and

You're rubber cement.

Anything you say sticks and

Stones, dumb bones.

I'm just a projection of your

Feelings.

Xavier: yeah, put it all on

Me.

Someone's in denial.

Will you please just shu

Up?!

I don't know what it is.

He drives up the -- I think I'm

Really losing it.

Maybe this will help.

What do you see on this card?

[ Screaming ]

Xavier: she must be around

Here.

My mom-dar is throbbing

White-hot.

Unhand that nut bag.

Hey, this is just the fringe

Beneflex of the job.

It's no big whoop.

I was just giving her the

Big-whoop cure, the old

Shock-and-awe therapy.

You get it, with the --

Xavier: this is no way to

Cure people.

I've tried curing the dead tha

Way, and it only leads to

Heartbreak.

Hey, don't worry.

You know, if I knock her up,

I'll give her a uterus lobotomy,

The old brain bushing, you

Know?

It's how we do around here.

Xavier: are you okay, random

Lady?

Mommy!

[ Baby giggles ]

Mother, I've found you.

Don't you recognize me?

Don't bother.

She don't talk at all, thank

God.

Won't even open her mouth.

Believe me, I tried.

Ain't said a word since tha

Lobotomy cut out all the

Thingamajigs that was tormenting

Her.

I like her jugs -- dibs.

Xavier: I've got to get tha

Part of her brain back in her

Head so she remembers me.

Where do they discard the

Medical waste?

Yeah, I don't got time to

Chitchat, okay?

The boss says I got to give the

Coital cure to this whole wing

Before lunch.

I'm coming, boss.

I'm coming.

Xavier: oh, so many.

Let's try -- I don't know --

This one.

Cellophane grape shields

Slits throats and --

Xavier: nope.

[ Screams ]

Xavier: nope.

Hey, pa, I forgot how pizza

Works.

Xavier: dumb wop.

Could have used a goombotomy.

Goal!

Xavier: damn it, I had money

On that game.

[ Rooster crows ]

Xavier: oh, chicken. Yum.

I think my hallucination

Snuck into the --

Xavier: that fella's nuttier

Than my pants at a coffin sale.

[ As xavier ] how'd that ge

In there?

Xavier: that's better.

I've got a good feeling abou

This one.

Son, how'd you find me?

Xavier: mom, it worked!

I faked my death to get away

From you.

I hate you!

Xavier: you can say that,

Mommy, but don't mean it.

I never want to see you

Again.

Aah!

Xavier: [ gasps ]

Say, big man.

I've had every other freak in

Here.

Let me give you the coital cure.

Come on, you look like you need

A little

[ Boing! ]

[ Honk! Honk! ]

[ Whistle! ]

Xavier: you should know you

Were my first, not counting

r*pe.

You were so huge.

Congratulations.

Mother and son in carnal

Embrace -- this will put me on

The map.

Xavier: but my mother is --

I'm afraid you are mistaken.

You see, nurse escher came here

Years ago as a patient, escaping

The turmoil of her bestial

Child.

After her lobotomy, I left the

Brain remains in the bio-waste

Room.

I was your patient?

My finest, because you're so

Huge.

Look for yourself.

I thought that was a yogur

Stain.

I slept with my son?!

Xavier: I sexed off with my

Mommy?

I'll go down in history --

First scientist to prove tha

Lobotomy removes oedipal taboo.

Go on, react.

Xavier: I'm no longer a

Mama's boy.

She made a mama's man.

For the first time in my life,

I'm gonna let my fist do the

Talking.

[ High-pitched voice ] oh, if I

Wasn't a peaceful man, I'd

[ Growls ]

[ Normal voice ] no!

This is rubbing against my pole,

My principle of nonviolence.

But you made me do it.

I'm your pent-up violence

Unleashed.

Xavier: this thing is crazy.

It's on a rampage.

No one get near it.

Fear it!

You're in denial.

Come on, hon, let's blow this

Nut stand.

And don't follow me.

Xavier: it wants me to follow

It.

It's using reverse psychology on

Me.

Well, I'll reverse retaliate

With the psychology of a

Thousand backwards minds.

I'll just oedipal these out and

Knit-wit a braingea hot-though

Balloon.

I know that inky stink thinker

Is out there, spreading amok on

His brutal havoc crackers.

Rorschach attack!

Look out!

It's pure violence con

Carnate!

I tried to tell you.

I'm only violent if you're

Violent.

Xavier: but I'm not violen

At all.

Look.

But you k*lled those people.

Xavier: did i?

What he doesn't know is that I'm

Using reverse psychology on him.

I can tell you're trying to

Use reverse psychology on me.

Xavier: that proves he

Doesn't know.

Oh, yeah?

If I was using reverse

Psychology, why, oh, why, would

I do this?

My treatment worked.

Thanks for my job back,

Mr. Eddie.

I won't disappoint.

Yow!

Please, stop it.

Xavier: you're doing a grea

Job.

Why do you reverse want me to

Keep k*lling these poor people?

You monster!

This is my best trick yet.

Fine, just, uh, tell me wha

You don't not want me to do.

Xavier: I want not that you

Should not turn into the

Opposite of a nice, non-big

Ice-cream cone -- big one.

Okay, I'll do it.

I mean, no way, I won't do it.

Xavier: I got dibs.

Oh, did you chumps want a lick?

Psyche.

[ Chuckles ]

I feel him kicking.

I think it's time.

I'm having our incest baby.

Xavier: this is disgusting.

How I'm blushing with pride.

Push, honey, push.

This is some kind of monster.

Interesting.

I think you're ready to see

Yourself for the first time --

Not how you imagine yourself,

But how you truly are.

Hot dang, I'm cured.

Xavier: cured?

Who said there was anything

Wrong with you?