Peanut Butter Solution, The (1985)

[bunniefuu]

[exciting music]

[whistle blowing]

[crowd cheering]

[upbeat music]

[pleasant music]

- [Boy Voiceover] That's my

sister, Susan Allison Baskin.

"The Wretch."

See the blue robe she's wearing?

Looks too big, eh?

Well it's Mom's and

she's gone away.

She's wearing it

because she knows

it really, really bugs me.

- I told you, she said I could.

- [Boy] But why?

It's too big for you anyway.

[sighing]

- I'm sorry but there's

nothing I can do about it.

Now give me your plate.

- I don't want any of that guck.

Your toast is burning.

- Oh God.

Come on, eat it Michael!

- No.

- It's fruit.

It's exactly what Mom

makes and you eat that.

- I don't want any.

- Come on.

Ugh.

That does it, that

really does it.

- [Bob] Pizza face.

[jazz piano music]

- I can't stand

him, do you hear?

I can't stand him.

Everything I do is wrong.

The food, the money, the dishes.

Dad, are you listening to me?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah,

I hear you, Suz.

I am just too tired for

all your squabbling today.

I've been up all night!

It's not easy for him either.

With Mom gone,

don't forget that.

- What do you mean?

She's not dead, you now.

[birds chirping]

[knocking]

[entry bell ringing]

- Hi Superman, coming

to soccer practice?

- Hi, Connie.

- Gee, what's wrong with you?

- Nothing.

Well,

Suzie.

- Look, here you're

just a brother, right?

But on the soccer field,

you're a star, come on.

- Maybe.

Hey, did you hear the

fire engines last night?

- Are you kidding?

I was right in the

middle of the action.

[laughing]

Hi, Mr. Baskin.

Hi, Suzie, nice

morning for a ride.

- Hi, Connie.

- [Mr. Baskin] God,

it's the human flea.

Are you here for breakfast or

are you just wiggling through?

- [Connie] I'm just having

some of these delicious grapes,

if that's okay.

- What?

- I said, I'm just having some

of these delicious grapes,

if that's okay with you.

- Do I have a choice?

- [Michael] Connie was at

a fire last night, Dad.

- Yeah, it was fabulous.

All started about midnight.

Half the neighborhood was

there but I got the closest.

- Yeah, I'll bet.

- I was wiggling through

the fireman's legs,

the hoses spraying

up all around me.

The guy's coming all

suffocated from the smoke,

coughing like this.

[mimicking coughing]

[giggling]

Boy, those flames.

You shoulda seen them.

- Where was it?

- This old spooky

house near school.

You now, the one that whino has

been sleeping in all winter.

- [Suzie] What's wrong with you?

[somber piano music]

- [Michael Voiceover] Oh boy,

the old spooky house.

Outside.

I saw one from yesterday.

One of the whinos camps there.

He was outside the bank.

He was begging

but nobody was

giving him anything.

It's funny how

little things you do

can change your whole life.

So I gave him some money,

all that I had.

- sh**t, soccer

practice, come on!

- Hey, hey, hey.

Play well, eh buddy.

- [Suzie] Comb your

hair, Michael.

- Yeah!

Hold on!

I wanna check and see if there

are any letters from Mom!

- [Connie] Hurry up!

- Again, nothing.

- Oops.

Hey, you little guys.

It's dangerous

around here for you.

Whoops.

Watch out, there's ants.

- [Michael] Ants?

There's no ants.

- There are!

- You're strange, Connie.

Was that true about the fire

or were you just

trying to scare us?

- [Connie] No, it's

true, I swear it!

[crow squawking]

See?

Now do you believe me?

- I wanna look inside.

- No, come on.

People died in there

just a few hours ago.

- Oh, gross.

Why do you have to

be such a slob?

How is this supposed

to be clean?

Supposed to be responsible.

Smell that.

- Ugh, God.

Go on, get that out of here.

God, Suz,

I can't concentrate with

you yap, yap, yapping away!

You're late for

school, go on, off.

Off with you.

- Thought I'd dress first.

- [Dad] Very funny.

- Oh, it's easy to be

funny in a madhouse.

You just be normal.

- [Dad] Hey, wish me

luck with the rabbit.

- Good luck.

- Thank you.

- Don't fight.

Gum out, please.

[children chattering]

Pick it up, don't drag it.

Pick up the books.

Jessica, stop running.

See me after school.

After school.

- Look at him.

Look at that way he sits.

Look at the muscles

rippling under the skin.

That's anatomy.

Every great artist

knows anatomy.

Stay there, stay there.

Five minutes for this pose.

Just five minutes.

- [Connie] Hey, Michael.

[chuckling]

Did you get to the building?

- Yeah but it's all blocked

up, he can't get in.

You know what, they say

there's still bodies--

- Silencio!

Look at the shadow

under the belly.

[speaking foreign language]

Three dimension.

Look at him!

[children giggling]

Up.

[growling]

[grunting]

That's a pig, it's not a dog!

Start again!

Down Jim, down Jim.

- Almost a dog, Orson.

Almost.

Up, Jim, up, up.

Look at him.

Don't use imagination.

- I don't use

imagination, Signor.

I use the charcoal.

- Oh, mamma mia.

- [Connie] That's

my little sister.

- Don't, Wong.

I will get to you I a minute.

Oh, beautiful,

beautiful, Jennifer.

Oh, fantastic.

And you?

You have done nothing.

- But, Signor, I can't do him.

He keeps sitting down.

- Oh yeah.

[speaking foreign language]

- Oh, it's scary, Signor.

[chuckling]

- Put it in your bedroom.

- [Connie] Watch out, Mike!

- What are these

serious squiggles?

- They're flames, Signor.

- Flames?

I do not see any flames on Jim.

[children giggling]

- I imagined them.

- You imagined them?

You dare to imagine in my class?

I told you a thousand

times, no imagination!

Only what you see!

I want accuracy!

This is accurate!

This is the dog.

That is rubbish!

- [Michael] But, Signor.

- Start again.

- If his father sells paintings

for six thousand

dollars a piece,

what was wrong with his?

- Let's see what you

have done wrong, Wong.

You have done wrong, Wong.

[chuckling]

- If you do that, Signor,

I will never come to your

class again and I swear it.

- [Man] Hello there.

- [Dad] Okay,

Arthur, come on up.

- Arise he said

and

arise I did.

Ah.

- Over here we have...

"Relaxing Bird."

- [Arthur] Ugh.

- "Well Dressed Bird."

[Arthur laughing]

- That's amusing.

[laughing]

Yes but empty.

- "Bird Singing to Cat."

- Oh.

Hmmmmm.

- Thanks a lot Bunny Bugs.

So,

what's wrong with my birds?

- Oh, they're marvelous, Billy.

But--

- But my last show

was a sellout.

- Yes, yes.

But these I can't

sell, I'm sorry.

- Well, you could at least try.

Betty's gone to Australia,

her father died.

Do you have any idea how much

money that is costing me?

- Billy, my clients don't care

about your personal problems.

You know that.

What's that?

- Don't, don't touch that.

Don't touch that.

Nobody touches anything here

but me, all right, all right?

- May I at least look at it?

- Yes.

You may.

At least look at it.

- Hmmmm.

Lovely, just lovely.

That I could sell tomorrow.

- Well, you're not going

to, it's not for sale.

It's a birthday present.

- At six thousand dollars

for it, I'd say.

That's four thousand

dollars for you, Billy.

- No.

I said no and I mean no.

[somber music]

- Uh oh, how're we gonna get in?

[crow squawking]

Holy mackerel!

You gonna try it?

I said, are you gonna try it?

- [Michael] No, I'm gonna do it.

I'm going around here.

- Hey, Michael.

Come this way, it's easier.

[ominous music]

[grunting]

[thudding]

Ah.

My leg, ah.

Ah.

Hey, Michael, stop!

Come on, Mike, please

don't be so stupid.

Look, I'm sorry I

suggested it, okay?

It's suicide.

Okay, if you're gonna be

so stupid, I'm gonna leave.

I tell you, I'm

leaving right now.

I tell you, I'm leaving.

[Michael screaming]

[eerie music]

Mike!

Speak to me!

[computer beeping]

[calculator cranking]

[knocking]

- He's not home yet.

He's not home yet!

What for?

I told you, he's not

home yet, dingy.

- I know, he's over there.

- Michael, get out of there.

- [Connie] He can't,

he's unconscientious.

- [Suzie] How can he

be unconscientious?

- He had a little accident.

- I'm getting Dad.

- [Connie] No, don't.

Just help me lift him up.

[somber music]

- Where am I?

- It's okay, son,

you're home now.

- I phoned the hospital.

Doctors don't make house calls.

- Oh great, the kid could

be dying for all they care.

- Am I dying?

- No, you look pretty

much alive to me, kiddo.

So what happened to you?

- I don't remember.

Except for...

[eerie music]

Connie and I were going

to the burnt up mansion.

- Darn you, Conrad, that's

just what I thought.

- No, I tried to stop

him for the longest time.

- Stop him from what?

- Remember this morning

I told you about the fire

and you got angry at

me about the whinos?

Well he went to see it too

but we were late for

soccer practice

and said after school

hoping you'd forget

but then in art class it

all got started again.

- [Billy] What got

started again?

- About us going to the fire

and when we got there,

one of us had the idea

of looking inside.

When I tried I said,

"Hey, stop, it's suicide."

But he said there

were still survivors.

And I said I was leaving

but when he didn't

leave, I didn't leave.

So he got to the window

and he saw something.

- [Suzie And Billy]

But what did he see?

- I don't remember.

- Poor thing.

He's got a bad case of amnesia.

- Hey, you're a lucky boy.

You've had yourself some

sort of extraordinary fright.

But just think,

people pay good money for

a fright at the movies

and you got yourself

one for free.

[chuckling]

Right?

- [Michael] Yeah.

- We'll see you later, Conrad.

- Will he be at school tomorrow?

- [Suzie] Of course.

- Scat!

[ominous music]

How's he sleeping?

- Fine, but I found the cat

curled up on his

head like a fur hat.

So I kicked it off.

I don't believe it.

- [Billy] Jeez, I hate that cat.

- Come on, out of there.

Naughty Pablo.

Bad puss.

[entry bell ringing]

- Hi.

Is it all right if I drop

in early before school?

I feel sorta bad

about yesterday,

even if it wasn't my fault.

- What's the point of asking?

You're already in.

That's all right.

- How is he then?

- Oh, he's fine.

He'll be down in a sec.

Here, have some toast.

- No thanks.

I think I'd rather stick to

grapes if you don't mind?

[eerie music]

- [Michael] Hi Connie,

do we have soccer today?

- Holy shmolly.

- Michael!

Where's your hair?

- What's wrong with my hair?

- You don't any.

- Don't panic.

Just sit down here and...

and let me think thing through.

- But Dad, he's--

- Shut up, Suz!

It's the cat.

It's that damn cat.

I'm gonna ring its neck.

- No, Dad, no, not the cat!

- [Billy] It was on his

head all night, wasn't it?

Let go!

The thing might have rabies!

- Connie, do I have

any hair at all?

- [Billy] Puss,

puss, puss, puss!

Pablo!

- Not much.

- Oh.

- Tell you the truth,

none actually.

Here, take a look.

- I'm bald.

I really am bald.

[dramatic piano music]

- Am I gonna get

blamed for this too?

[sobbing]

- Dad.

- Mike, Mike,

feel my chin.

Smooth as your scalp, right?

But what's it gonna be

like tomorrow morning?

Come on.

- Rough and stubbly.

- That's right.

And what's your head gonna

be like tomorrow morning?

Hmmm?

- Rough and stubbly too?

- You're darn right it is.

Rough as sand paper.

And if it's not, we're off

to Dr. Einstein Epstein,

quick as a wink.

All right?

- Wanna see my pet aunt?

[laughing]

- He's dead.

- [Connie] How could he be dead?

I just fed him.

- [Announcer]

Dr. Kaufman, Dr. Kaufman.

Wanted in the operating

theater immediately.

- [Michael] I had hair

the last time you saw me.

Don't you remember?

- Great ba*ls of fire!

There's not a whisker left.

Huh?

- The cat slept on

his head last night.

We think he caught

something from it.

- Cats give rashes,

cats give fleas.

Cats can transmit all

sorts of disease.

- So could it be the cat?

- He is no cat.

Huh?

He had a fright, you say?

- [Billy] That's right, he did.

- It's that fright, for sure.

The proper medical term

is Hair'em Scare'em.

- [Michael] "Hair'em" what?

- Scare'em.

Here, let me show

you what I mean.

Now, imagine that these

fingers are you hairs

or this desk your scalp.

Okay, now,

on the head, solid as a rock.

Now, Michael, give

me a good fright.

Come on, bimbo, a really doozer.

- Oh, boo.

- "Oh, boo" to you too.

Come on, put some noodles in it.

- Faker!

[whimpering]

- Boy, oh boy.

I really felt that.

Where you watching

what happened?

Huh?

The fingers?

One moment, they're all

there hanging on to the desk,

along came a fright and

bam, they all go away.

The same as your hairs.

One minute they're there,

the next minute, all gone.

- What a loony.

- [Suzie] So his hair

will grow again?

- Sure, sure.

Now just give it a chance, huh?

Don't scare the pants off him.

You must keep him happy, huh?

No stress.

- [Michael Voiceover] Dad

thought my head was pretty

nifty.

Yeah, he wanted to do a series

called "Bald Is Beautiful."

I said, "Forget it!"

[yelping]

- Sit down.

[chuckling]

What's wrong with

your friend, Michael?

He's away from school, no?

- I don't know, sir.

- He's not very well, is he?

- I don't know, sir.

- He has a problem, you know.

- No, sir, please, can I go?

- So, you don't know

that there is something

very funny about this problem?

- No, sir, what problem, sir?

[chuckling]

[school bell ringing]

[chuckling]

[eerie chiming music]

[heavy breathing]

[whimpering]

- What?

What's going on?

Oh God, Mike, what're you doing?

It's 3AM.

- [Michael] Dad.

- What?

- I had a dream, Dad.

I was climbing up to the fray.

But again, Dad, I

couldn't see it.

I gotta see it, Dad.

- Look, don't worry

about it, Mikey.

Nature's wonderful,

it'll come back when

it wants to by itself.

- I wish Mom were back.

- Mike, she's gone to

sell Grandpa's house.

- Can I ring her at least?

- Mike.

Now what good is that gonna do?

It's only gonna upset

her, isn't it?

Come on, come on, just

snuggle down in here.

- Signor, I must have a

serious talk with you.

I've had a call from

little William's mother.

He's been having nightmares

every night this week.

- Oh, Jim, naughty Jim.

Very sorry.

He loves it.

Nightmares?

What that doing with me?

- Little William says you

give him wolves for his walls.

- Oh, little nightmares

but he daydreams in class.

[laughing]

Miss Prume.

Dear Miss Prume,

you don't know the

terrible battle I fight

everyday against imagination.

Their heads are in the clouds.

I tell them to draw dogs

and they draw fires.

[dog whimpering]

- Signor, I've had

my doubts about you

and I've been checking.

- What checking?

- I found out that you've been

thrown out of two schools,

that you faked famous paintings

and that you've changed your

name and appearance four times.

And you claim to be

Rembrandt's great, great,

great, great grandson.

- I am a great teacher.

I am a great artist.

I am a great, great,

great, great grandson!

[yelling in foreign language]

You are sausages here!

Ignorant sausages!

- I think you mean "savages."

- I don't care, I go!

Hate you savages!

Hurry, Jim.

[groaning]

[drum banging]

[pleasant classical piano music]

[loud drum banging]

[pleasant classical piano music]

[loud drum banging]

- Hi Mike, guess what.

The Signor's been sacked.

- Go away, Connie!

I do not want any visitors!

[banging drums]

- [Suzie] Michael!

- [Michael] And

what do you want?

- He's only trying to be nice.

- I look disgusting!

You hear?!

Disgusting!

[banging drums]

[cymbals crashing]

- Okay, just quick,

slip it on, slip it on.

- No, I don't want a wig!

- Come on, Mike, it's

for your own good!

Quick, slip it on.

Mike, listen to me, listen

to me for just a minute.

- No, it's fake!

- It's for your own good we're

doing this, you silly kid.

Do you wanna stay in the house

for the rest of your life?

Hold still for one minute

and let her slip it on.

Just for a second.

If you don't like it, we'll

take it right off again.

It's hair.

Open your eyes, look in

the mirror, it looks great.

Take a look.

All right.

So?

- But it comes off.

- Listen,

just a little dab of this.

- A dibble-dab of

glue will do you.

- [Suzie] Magic glue.

- Dear.

- [Suzie] And.

- And.

Okay, show him,

look in the mirror.

Looks great.

All right.

- You're right, it's solid.

- Sure it is.

Solid as a rock.

[laughing]

- Wow, it stays on!

I'm so happy!

- [Suzie] And it's

guaranteed for 30 days.

[piano glissando]

Not to come off your head.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- [Boy] Come on,

Mike, way to go!

All right!

Woo!

[cheering]

- Yeah, all right, woo!

You see the guy back there?

- [Michael] Blonde guy?

- You better watch out for him.

He's mean and dangerous.

[whistle blowing]

[upbeat music]

- [Boy] Let's go!

Go, Mike, go!

Come on!

Come on!

[whistle blowing]

[cheering]

[whistle blowing]

You foul!

You foul!

- You tripped me!

- [Boy] Come on,

Mike, swing at him!

Swing at him, come on,

get up and swing at him!

[ominous music]

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

[boys chanting]

♪ Hey, look at baldy

without his stupid wig ♪

♪ Better get another one,

better make it stick ♪

♪ Run away, baldy,

run away quick ♪

♪ Run home to mommy,

hard boiled egg ♪

♪ Hey, look at baldy

without his stupid wig ♪

[crying]

- [Michael] That stupid wig!

[screaming]

[knocking]

- Michael,

I brought you some food.

- [Michael] Magic glue, eh?

- It's something you like.

- Ha, never comes off!

Hi, I'd like to know what

time it is in Australia.

I wanna make a call.

[eerie music]

Nevermind, it's okay.

[eerie music]

[gasping]

[laughing]

[man spitting]

- [Whino] Hi there, young baldy.

- Hi.

- Don't you remember me?

[spitting]

Excuse me.

You helped me once.

The last person who ever did.

And this is Mary.

[humming tune]

Yep.

We got sizzled up the very

next night in that fire.

We felt so guilty about you.

Didn't we, Mary?

- But you can't just come

into our house, can you?

- Oh, we can because

we're ghosts.

Ghosts can go anywhere.

[Mary laughing]

- Don't do that, you'll wake

my dad and he'll throw you out.

- Ah, they won't hear nothing.

Ghosts make no noise.

You only hear it

because you see it.

Shut your eyes a second.

[silence]

[thudding]

- You're right.

I didn't hear anything

except for the last one.

- You see?

Imagination.

Wonderful, isn't it?

Anyway, sit you down.

Mary's got something for you.

[humming tune]

- How'd you get to be,

you know, a rubby-dub?

- I had gotten the bottle.

- [Mary] Where did

I put that thing?

- Were you a kid once, like me?

- Oh yeah.

Lots of brothers but

the bottle got me.

I'm the black sheep.

[chuckling]

- Here it is.

Here's old Charlie's recipe.

Let's see now.

No you don't.

This here's my last treasure.

You can learn it but

you can't have it.

All right, here we go.

"One really ripe banana."

Come on, say it.

"One really ripe banana."

- [Michael] "One

really ripe banana."

- "Put it on my head."

You have to say "put it on

my head" after each thing!

You ain't very bright, are you?

- "One really ripe banana,

put it on my head."

- Good.

"Five dead flies."

- "Five dead flies,

put it on my head."

- No, no, no, no.

Put "them" on my head.

Don't you learn no

grammar in school?

- "Five dead flies,

put 'them' on my head."

- Good.

- Come on, Mary.

- "One rotten egg."

- [Michael] "One rotten

egg, put it on my head."

- "Three liquorish leaves."

- [Michael] "Three liquorish

leaves, put them on my head."

- Hurry it up, Mary.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"A fist-full of kitty litter."

- "A fist-full of kitty litter."

- "Three connie crisps."

- "Three connie crisps."

- "Three crosby crackers."

- "Three crosby crackers."

- "Nine spoons of soil."

- "Nine spoons of soil."

- And "a glass of pepper spizz."

- [Michael] What's pepper spizz?

- Oh, it's mouth water.

The biggest mouth

water in the world.

- Put it all on my head.

- [Whino] We gotta go, Mary.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, last thing is a spoon

full of peanut butter

and that's very important

because it makes it

all stick together.

But don't use too much

of it or watch out.

- [Michael] What'll happen?

- Well, it ain't for me to say.

You just watch out, huh?

And watch your hands.

Don't get it on your hands.

It's libel to grow

hair on your hands

if you get it on them.

- My hands?

- On your nose.

- My nose?

- Sure.

Anything.

[laughing]

- I hope it works, baldy.

[somber chiming music]

- [Suzie] Dad, he's

digging up earth.

You don't think he's

gonna eat it, do you?

- [Billy] Beats me, Suz.

I've heard pregnant women get

a craving for earth sometimes.

- [Suzie] He couldn't

be pregnant, could he?

- [Billy] Unlikely, I'd say.

- And last but not least,

a glass of pepper spizz.

[sizzling]

[blender buzzing]

- Got you!

Throw it down the toilet, quick!

Quick!

- Don't!

- Mike, I'm sorry.

We couldn't let you drink that.

That stuff could k*ll you.

- I wasn't gonna drink it!

- No?

[toilet flushing]

- [Boy] No, you go get it!

I'm not moving.

[Suzie laughing]

- Right there, right there.

Ah!

- [Boy] Aw, right

into the garden.

[pleasant chiming music]

- [Mary] Ah, the boy

who forgot my recipe.

- Please tell it to me again.

It really wasn't my fault.

- That's life, sweetheart.

You don't get no second chance.

- Don't be so hard on him, Mary.

I've seen lots of people

give you second chances.

- So what?

Sometimes I'm nice but

sometimes I'm mean.

I never know myself

which it's gonna be.

Looks like tonight

it's mean, ain't it?

- Well, if you won't be good,

I'll have to make you, Mary.

Here, kid.

Best of luck.

- Nutmeg.

Three corsby crackers.

Okay, let's start

with the flies.

Five dead flies.

[jazzy music]

- [Billy] Dibble-dabble

will do it.

Nearly done.

[clinking]

[crackling]

- [Michael Voiceover]

Oh, what a smell.

[whispering]

[jazzy music]

Wow.

I'm gonna put this

stuff on my head?

I must be crazy.

Oh no.

I'll have hair on my face.

On my hands.

I've gotta make it less runny.

I just gotta put more

peanut butter in.

That's the only solution.

Two, three, four, five

spoons of peanut butter.

That's enough.

[pleasant piano music]

Hey, it works.

This has to be right.

I'm a better painter than Dad.

[birds chirping]

- [Suzie] Coffee's ready, Dad.

Is that me?

I look like I'm

trying to swat flies.

I'm sorry, Dad, but nobody

holds a racquet like that.

- If I wanted real, I

would've taken a bloody photo.

Well, I was gonna give it

to you for your birthday

but maybe you don't like it.

- Dad.

[chuckling]

- That's Mom and that's Michael.

The brat.

[shower trickling]

- Nothing.

Not even a hair.

I'm sorry I was so mad

at you last night.

- Oh, you scared me.

What's that on your head?

- I don't have anything on my

head, I just took a shower.

- Wait a minute, look.

You've got something

on your head.

Wait.

- But I washed it off.

- Where is that darn thing?

Dad!

[pleasant music]

You've got little baby bristles.

- [Michael] You

sure it's not guck?

- No, it's hair!

It's hair!

Dad!

Dad!

- [Billy] Okay, what's

the matter now?

- [Suzie] Dad, so

glad you're here!

Michael's got hair!

- All right,

Mike!

All right!

This is it, buddy!

The nightmare is over!

I told you so,

nature's wonderful.

Spring is sprung and

the leaves are budding

and the flowers are sh**ting

and your head got the message.

- So did your chin, Dad.

[laughing]

- All right, buddy.

[knocking]

Uh oh, hide the grapes,

he's the human flea.

Come on in, Connie.

[entry bell ringing]

- That's right,

Connie, I have hair!

- Congratulations.

I'm so happy for you.

- Oh, my head's

tingling all over.

- Oh God, it's growing

a hundred miles an hour.

- I wanna see it

in the mirror too.

[pleasant music]

- Wow.

- Oh, wow!

Look at this!

- Okay, Mike, out with it

or it's the end of a

great friendship.

- What do you mean?

- The truth, come

on, what'd you do?

- Oh, look at that, I can

almost see it growing.

- Quit stalling.

Now how did you make it grow?

- This.

My secret recipe.

- Yeah, where'd you get it?

- It's a long story,

tell you later.

- Put that on your head?

Did it hurt?

- No but it's dangerous.

- Let me try it.

- Why?

You don't need it, you

got lots of hair.

- Sure, but...

- But what?

- Well, I wanna put

some down there.

- Are you crazy?

No, now get out of here

and let a guy do

what he's gotta do.

- You're crazy.

Absolutely crazy.

- [Suzie] Who's crazy?

- Connie.

[laughing]

- It's unbelievable.

- What?

- It's growing so fast.

- It's true, it's so long.

- Dad, could I call Mom?

- Sure.

- Thanks, Dad.

Dad, the country code

for Australia is

0-1-1-6-1-2?

- [Billy] That's right.

- [Michael] Hi, girls.

- He's back.

Probably with another

one of his wigs.

- No, it isn't, look.

You can see his scalp.

- Yuck, he's got dandruff.

- [Connie] See?

If it was a wig, would

he have dandruff?

- I guess not.

[school bell ringing]

- Mom said you have to come

home right after school.

- Okay.

- [Man] Decimal point here and

25 and 56

of twice.

And we bring down the six

and we remember to

move the decimal point

and 25 into 56 goes two times.

[girls giggling]

Two times 25 is 50, quiet class.

And we bring down the six.

[giggling]

- [Girl] Stop it.

[giggling]

- Leave his hair alone, girls.

- Mr. Gingras, it's moving.

- [Connie] But it's alive, sir.

- It's not moving.

It's just too long.

- It was short

this morning, sir.

- Nonsense.

What kind of a dodo

do you take me for?

[students giggling]

Human hair grows only

half an inch a month.

No more.

- Not my hair, sir.

- He's gonna love this.

It's his favorite.

Taranto Noodle Soup.

- Mmmmmm.

[laughing]

- Oh hi, Connie.

Where is he?

- What timing.

- Now that's a head of hair.

Well done, son.

- I don't think

it's natural, Dad.

It grew six inches

on the way home.

- Well, it'll settle down.

Don't worry, it's

young, it's frisky.

Come on, to the table, everyone.

- [Michael] Oh, excuse me.

- Lady and gentlemen,

a toast to this new hair.

- To the new hair.

- To the new hair.

- Long may it grow.

- [Suzie] On my head too.

[chuckling]

Oh.

[giggling]

Don't worry, I'll clean it up.

- Can you cut my bangs?

- What?

- Can you cut my bangs, please?

- But it's so beautiful.

Don't you realize I'd do

anything for hair like this?

- Don't cut it.

You could make the world's

Guinness book of records.

- [Michael] Please?

- If you insist.

- The longest human

hair known on this world

grew up to be 28 feet on a guru.

[chuckling]

- Conrad, I owe you an apology.

I have not been nice to you.

- [Connie] It's

okay, Mr. Baskin.

- Oh.

All right.

How was it at school

when he came back?

- They thought it

was another wig

but then I showed

them his dandruff.

[Billy chuckling]

- [Billy] Good lad.

- Now, class, I

want you to enter

these last two equations

in your exercise books

and do them along with me.

11 into 67 six times.

Six times 11, 66.

And we bring the one down.

And the six.

11 into 16, one.

Okay, you two, this is a

classroom, not a barber shop.

And 11 into 16, we've

done that now...

11, right, and five and

we bring down the other.

Okay.

Down to Miss Prume, both of you.

- Sir, for two weeks

now I've been bald.

We did everything to

get my hair back.

Nothing worked.

At last I tried this

extremely dangerous mixture.

It worked but now

my hair won't stop.

My only chance is for this

guy to keep on cutting.

Please let me stay.

I want to be educated.

[applauding and cheering]

- [Gingras] Quiet.

- Not just hairy.

[applauding]

- Quiet!

Out.

And move it!

[giggling]

- I'm sorry, boys, the

snipping is too distracting.

I've had three teachers

tell me today they'll resign

if you go back in their classes.

So finish your class and

then you better go home.

And you, Connie, I think

you've got a problem too.

- Holy shmolly.

[sinister laughing]

[silly music]

[groaning]

It's itchy.

It's unbearable.

Stop.

I said, stop.

Stop growing right now.

Stop!

[somber chiming music]

[dogs barking]

[eerie music]

- Oh, please, stop.

Please, please, let me alone.

[ominous music]

- Look at him!

[laughing]

[dogs barking]

[menacing music]

[groaning]

[gasping]

[wind howling]

- Yuck.

- Where you going?

- [Michael] To school.

- You can't go to school, Mike.

They've phoned they

don't want you there.

Come back!

- [Michael] No!

- [Suzie] Your hair is

trailing on the ground!

- They don't want

you there, Mike!

- I don't care!

[dramatic music]

[wind howling]

[ominous music]

[Signor speaking

foreign language]

[eerie music]

- [Billy] Oh God!

[ominous music]

[groaning]

[sinister music]

Oh God.

[eerie music]

- So, Connie, what're

we gonna do?

- How should I know?

I don't know

everything, you know.

- Well you should know.

You started it, going

to that old house.

So dumb.

- That's a lie.

He climbed into the

thing, not me.

Anyways, why don't your

father do something?

He's always telling

people what to do.

- Dad's no use.

He blames himself.

You know what he's done?

He ripped up a half

dozen paintings

and broken all of

his paint brushes.

- Really?

- Really.

I think he's gone mad.

- It's not his fault.

20 other kids are

missing from school.

- 20?

I thought only 10.

- No, 20, including Mai

Ling, my baby sister.

- Oh, that's terrible.

You know, if we could

only get Dad going.

Dad's real smart, you know.

He's a 100 times smarter

than those old cops.

- Anyways, how do we

get him into gear, how?

Just tell me how.

- Hey,

I've got an idea.

- Why don't you give

your dad one of these?

That'll cheer him up.

They're very new and

they're very special.

But they're really

expensive, I'm afraid.

20 bucks each.

- Wow.

- Well, you know, think

about it for awhile.

- How do we know he

won't break this one?

Then that's 20 bucks

down the drain.

- 20 dollars is a

small price to pay

if it'll make him normal again.

But this isn't his

kind of brush.

It's weird.

It's flimsy.

Connie, feel this hair.

- So?

- It's hair!

- Bristles, hairs,

what's the difference?

- I know this hair.

I cut this hair.

- Are you certain?

- We're holding a bit

of Michael in our hands.

- Excuse me, sir, where

do these come from?

- I don't know.

Fellow in a big red

truck delivers them.

And I don't know his name.

- Do you know the

name of the company?

- Company doesn't have a name.

Look, if you wanna

buy the brush, fine.

Otherwise, let me get

on with my work.

- Please, please, it's a

matter of life and death.

- Okay, out, let's go.

- Hold your horses, mister.

We're buying the brush.

Give him the money, Suzie.

- Okay.

Two, five, seven, eight.

Nine, ten, twenty.

- [Man] Thank you.

- Exactly enough.

- Oh, wait, let me see.

When I asked for his name,

he says, "I don't have a name."

So I says, "What do I call you?"

He says, "Call me Signor."

- [Both] The Signor!

- When I says, "When can

I expect deliveries?"

He says, "On Saturdays."

- [Both] Tomorrow is Saturday.

- Indeed it is.

All day long.

- [Connie] Let's go, Suz!

- Thank you.

[somber piano music]

Connie, it's the red truck.

Wake up!

It's the red truck!

It's there.

It's here, come on!

It's what we're waiting for!

Look!

Go!

Hurry!

Come on!

Connie, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Don't drop the sugar.

Get in!

Good luck!

- Hello, little girl, you

want to come for a ride?

- No thank you, I

prefer my bike.

- Ah.

["Listen to the Magic

Man" by Céline Dion]

[car honking]

♪ Listen to the magic man ♪

♪ And abracadabra ♪

♪ Your life's in Cinerama ♪

♪ Listen to the magic man ♪

♪ A bing bang, a ding dang ♪

♪ And oops your mind

goes clang, clang ♪

♪ Roll on ♪

♪ Round and round ♪

♪ On and on ♪

♪ Up and down ♪

♪ You are in wonderland ♪

♪ Listen to the magic man ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ The wonders, the colors ♪

♪ The others ♪

♪ You're leaving them

behind, bye, bye ♪

♪ Oh, my magic man ♪

♪ Splish, splash, fly ♪

♪ You're making me run on ♪

[whinos cheering]

♪ Round and round ♪

♪ On and on ♪

♪ Up and down ♪

♪ On and on ♪

- Oh no!

I don't believe it.

You swept up all my sugar.

Great.

What am I gonna do now?

[sniffling]

- Stay Jim, sit.

[chuckling]

Ah ha!

A spy from Miss Prume, huh?

- No, an inspector from

the kidnapping division!

- Yeah, a kidnapping division.

Come with me, come!

[ominous music]

Come, Jim!

[mumbling in foreign language]

[children shouting]

Quiet!

Or I'll put you in the net.

So, Inspector.

Come and inspect.

The first and only magic brush

and hair factory in the world!

- [Connie] Holy shmolly.

- So, Inspector, you will never

come again in my class, huh?

[chuckling]

Well,

now you are in the class,

which I never dismiss.

- Oh yeah?

I'm gonna escape and I'm

gonna free all your prisoners.

- But why?

They love me.

Don't you, children?

- [Kids] Yes, Signor.

- You see?

You have come for

nothing, Inspector.

[laughing]

But know what I am saying.

You can make brushes.

Sit down, Connie, sit down.

Jeremy, show him what to do.

I go to make deliveries.

- Mai Ling!

- Have you really

come to rescue us?

- Of course.

- Meanwhile, you better

start making brushes.

- We have to make 500

a day or we won't eat.

- How do I do it?

- Look, take this piece

and stick it in the

handle like this.

- Like this?

- [Michael] Signor!

- Wow.

- [Michael] Signor!

- Does all this

come from Michael?

- [Girl] Yeah, the Signor has

him on a special yogurt diet.

- [Michael] Signor!

- [Connie] How'd he get you all?

- [Boy] Through lies.

- [Girl] Through hypnosis.

- [Boy] Through ice creams

that put you asleep.

[shushing]

- He's listening.

There's microphones.

There's one way to

escape but it's no good.

[ominous piano music]

- Wow.

[birds chirping]

Fantastic.

- Yeah, he makes them with

his own magic paintbrushes.

[birds chirping]

- [Connie] Jim!

- [Mia Ling] He always does Jim.

[water trickling]

- You know these paintings?

They're so real, you can

just walk right into them.

- [Connie] So why not escape?

- [Boy] It wouldn't work

because Jeremy tried it once

but he had to come back.

- Why?

- 'Cause they're all

imaginary places, you know?

He never painted a

real place, you know,

something like a town or a road

or a street or

anything like that.

- [Connie] Hmmm.

The Signor is a tougher

cookie than I thought.

- [Both] The Rabbit's

your brother?

- The Rabbit?

That's cute.

Yes, he's my brother.

The other one, he's in art too.

Sergio we used to call

him when we were kids.

A loony.

A loony, Sergio.

Now he's got no name

at all, imagine that.

No name.

Just "The Signor."

- [Both] The Signor?

- Yeah.

He's no rabbit.

A fox, maybe.

The Signor is the one

who has kidnapped Michael

and probably 20 other kids.

- Your other

brother, the Rabbit,

he must know where he is.

- Maybe he does

but Arthur is not

going to help you

if Sergio don't want it.

They're very close.

They're twins.

- You wanna bet he won't help?

- [Suzie] You said

they're twins?

They don't look at

all like each other.

- [Epstein] Well of course

they're not identical twins.

- He better be here.

- Billy,

Abe and Suzie.

How nice to see you.

What a surprise.

My goodness, to

what do I owe this?

- Okay, Arthur,

where's your brother?

- Well, he's right beside you.

- Not that one, the other one.

- Ah, the other one,

he died I think.

- Not that one, the

other one, damn it.

- He means Sergio, the Signor.

- Oh, the Signor.

I have no idea.

- Cut the crap, you're

buying paintings from him!

- Paintings down with

my brother's hair!

- Believe me, I don't know!

- Spill it, you sniveling rat!

- You have to spit it out.

There are 20 kids missing.

- But he won't give me

any more if his pictures.

He's here

Fridays.

- Fridays.

Fridays?

- It's only Tuesday.

Fridays.

[sighing]

[snoring]

[ominous music]

- Where you going, Connie?

- I'm gonna see Michael.

- You can't.

That floor is full of tripwires.

They're invisible.

You can't go, you touch

one, he's gonna wake up.

- Then I won't.

- I already told you,

they're invisible.

- Look, I came here to

save Michael, okay?

- [Boy] Okay, take my invention.

It's invisible string detector.

- What's he doing out of bed?

[ominous music]

[snoring]

[snoring]

[Connie whimpering]

- [Connie] Holy shmolly.

- Signor, is that you?

- No.

[shushing]

It's me, Connie.

I've come to get

you out of here.

- Is it really you?

You're a wonderful friend.

But what's the use?

- Don't talk like that.

- I mean, all this hair.

[shushing]

And this hair has some use.

The Signor tells me they're

making wonderful pictures.

- Yeah, disgustingly beautiful.

Your dad would puke.

[sinister music]

- Oh ha!

Good evening, Inspector.

Working late?

- Hold on, Michael,

I'll be back.

[exciting beat music]

[children shouting]

- Wait, I'm coming to help you!

Throw it, Conrad, throw it!

- Mia Ling, stay back!

[growling]

- Leave my brother

alone, you monster!

Let me go!

Let me go!

[Signor laughing]

- Okay, Signor.

You win.

For the moment.

- Round and round

goes the Inspector.

Inspecting the ceiling,

inspecting the walls,

inspecting the floors.

[laughing]

- Oh, let me down.

I'm gonna throw up.

Please let me down.

[ominous music]

Please, Father.

- I am not your father.

I will let you down.

No son.

- [Connie] But I want

you for my father.

- This is some

little trick, huh?

- My real father died

in a plane crash

and I want you for my father.

You're such a wonderful artist.

What a wonderful teacher.

- That is true now,

that is true now.

- What a fantastical liar.

- I am rid of this.

[speaking foreign language]

[sighing]

- Is your father really dead?

[shushing]

- Please let me be

your son, please.

- I will consider it.

I never had children.

Only dog.

Now back to work.

Artists everywhere are

waiting for our brushes.

My son.

Children,

I have been asked to demonstrate

the art of magical painting

which is to do something

that I've never seen

and with no photograph.

My son will give me a subject

and in one minute or less,

it will appear on

the biggest canvas.

I am ready, my son.

- Could you possibly do

Michael's Fright, Dad?

- Michael's Fright.

What is that?

- The thing that made

his hair fall off

in the burnt out building.

The Fright.

- Burnt out building?

A burnt out building,

that's all?

That's so easy.

[laughing]

[somber music]

Wait a minute.

Wait.

And how about that, huh?

[giggling]

[pleasant music]

- Wow.

[gasping]

[children giggling]

[singing tune]

[laughing]

[clapping]

- Is wonderful, no?

For you, my boy, just for you.

- I'm sorry, Dad, but

that's not the Fright.

That's just where it took place.

- But brushes don't

know the Fright.

They don't see the Fright.

- But the painting

is so real, Dad.

We can get into it.

Let's go up to the

window and see.

Here, I'll go first.

- No, no, no.

Get back, my son.

It could be dangerous.

No, no, stay back.

It could be dangerous.

Stand back, children.

I will go first, okay?

[somber piano music]

[children giggling]

You see, my boy, it's easy.

[laughing]

- Great, Dad.

- He's pretty brave.

- [Connie] You're not

only a great painter, Dad,

you're a great climber!

[ominous music]

- I am almost there.

- [Connie] Look inside.

[Signor yelling]

[children screaming]

[ominous music]

- What happened to him?

- He's seen the Fright.

- But is he still going

to be your father?

- No, he was never

my father, okay?

It was just a trick to

get him to see the Fright.

- But he was nice after

he became your father.

- What's the matter

with you all?

What about the things

he's done to you?

Have you forgotten already?

[suspenseful music]

- Can you believe it?

After a week of searching,

I actually found my sugar.

[ominous music]

This must be it!

Dad! Dad!

- [Michael] Get me out of here!

Somebody!

- Okay, okay, hold your horses.

- The hair stopped growing.

- Of course.

The Fright just passed

to somebody else.

- Who?

- It could happen

to a nicer guy.

- Watch out!

So it was him who

got the Fright?

- [Connie] Yeah.

Bring him into the toilet.

Careful, that's my father.

Don't get his pants dirty.

That's his only pair.

- I'm gonna go see what it was.

- Are you crazy?

- No, okay, I wanna look inside.

It's all right.

- Do you want this to

start all over again?

- It won't, believe me.

[dramatic music]

[cheering]

- [Connie] Michael,

you're just a showoff!

[ominous music]

[eerie music]

[hissing]

Michael!

Michael?!

[eerie music]

- What?

- Five dead flies!

Wrong, dummy.

50 dead flies.

[maniacal laughing]

- Michael!

What's happening in there?

- Wrong again.

500 dead flies.

Don't you learn no

flies in school?

- [Michael] But I know you.

How could I've been

scared of you?

Anyway, you don't frighten

me anymore, that's for sure.

- Hi there, young hairy.

- And you,

are you gonna try

to scare me too?

Anyway, it doesn't work anymore.

I suggest you keep it for

people like the Signor.

- You're a brave boy!

You'll go far.

- It's all right.

[cheering]

Look out behind you!

[menacing music]

- He's coming!

[screaming]

[suspenseful beat music]

- [Jeremy] Don't stop!

Run or he'll get us all!

[Signor laughing]

[suspenseful beat music]

[yelling]

- Let me go, egghead!

Let me go!

Come on, let me go!

[Signor speaking in

foreign language]

[laughing]

- [Michael] Here, watch out,

I'm gonna try to break it open.

- [Mia Ling] This

should fix him.

[Signor laughing]

- [Children] Help!

[screaming]

- Sit there!

[groaning]

- [Mia Ling] The keys, boys!

- Mia!

You're extreme genius.

[suspenseful beat music]

- [Michael] Oh, hurry up!

- [Mia] Hurry!

[Signor groaning]

[suspenseful beat music]

- [Michael] He's coming!

- [Signor] Stop!

I said, stop!

[Signor yelling]

- Darn, it's locked!

I already tried it, it's locked!

- He's coming.

- That was a trick.

The real trick!

You can't do that to me!

You are my sons.

You can't do that to me!

You can't!

Connie, Michael.

- Freeze, Signor, our

you're dead meat!

You too!

- Serigo!

- [Billy] He's in here!

- How could you?

- Yes, how could you?

All the trouble you caused.

- Oh, please, please.

Gentleman.

My dog, can I have my dog?

[dog whimpering]

- [Michael] Dad!

- Mike!

All right.

You okay?

- Hi.

- Come, I'll show you

where the others kids are.

- Sure.

[pleasant music]

- I missed you, Dad.

- Well, I missed you too, buddy.

And so did your sister,

though she won't say it.

Come on.

- [Michael] Hey, do you know

what I really discovered

in that old spooky house?

Was that the biggest

part of the Fright

was in your imagination.

[pleasant music]

- [Billy] All right!

Home again, home

again, jiggety-jig.

Everybody out!

[laughing]

- Oh wow, look at the garden.

- The flowers are taller.

- Great to have you back, Mike!

Okay, everybody inside.

There's a surprise

in the fridge!

[horn honking]

[pleasant music]

- Mom!

♪ Take a child, the

world is so wide ♪

- What happened to your hair?

♪ Calm your fear ♪

♪ The rainbow's clear ♪

♪ Ending where you start ♪

♪ Calling to your heart ♪

♪ Everything you see ♪

♪ Everything you find ♪

♪ The darkest memories ♪

♪ All come clearer ♪

♪ When you open your eyes ♪

["Michael's Song"

by Celine Dion]

♪ Children are like

boats in the sea ♪

♪ Tossed and torn ♪

♪ They travel on ♪

♪ Ride the waves ♪

♪ Be strong and brave ♪

♪ Every stroke you row ♪

♪ Teaches you to grow ♪

♪ Everything you feel ♪

♪ Everything you find ♪

♪ The darkest memories ♪

♪ All come clearer ♪

♪ Like a star in the sky ♪

♪ Everything you see ♪

♪ Everything you find ♪

♪ The deepest mysteries ♪

♪ All come clearer ♪

♪ When you open your eyes ♪

[pleasant music]

♪ Run and catch the wind ♪

♪ Beyond it you will find ♪

♪ The world is cold ♪

♪ The world is cold ♪

♪ Everything you see ♪

♪ Everything you find ♪

♪ The darkest memories ♪

♪ All come clearer ♪

♪ When you open your eyes ♪

♪ Everything you see ♪

♪ Everything you find ♪

♪ The sweetest mysteries ♪

♪ All come clearer ♪

♪ Everyday of your life ♪

♪ To a child ♪

♪ The world is so wide ♪

♪ To a child ♪

♪ Storms are outside ♪

[pleasant music]