01x06 - Portland

[bunniefuu]

Adam: Is this how I thought
I'd spend my 40th birthday?

Holding back tears
in a tattoo parlor?

Almost swallowing my tongue
from pain.

Exactly.

It's my birthday.

[ Mimics vomiting ]

Hey,
I'm Adam Pally.

And I'm Jon Gabrus.

We're comedians and best friends
who love to travel.

We got our dream job.
We're travel hosts!

Two more days,
mother[bleep]!

We're gonna show you
the best places to eat,

drink, and party
in a new spot each week.

But we only have
one weekend to hang out

before we have to
get back to reality.

♪ Let's roll the dice ♪

We're out here
living our lives

at 100 miles an hour
until we die.

Which is probably soon.

Because of this job.

[ Laughing ]

Both: This is "101 Places
to Party Before You Die."

♪♪

This week we are going
to Portland,

a place
where you can be yourself

and let
your freak flag fly.

And there's nothing freakier
than turning 40,

which I'm doing
right here in Rip City.

It's your birthday today?
Happy birthday!

This town is known
for coffee, beer,

and weed is legal here.

Oh!

[ Laughing ]

Adam: And that's like
95% of our diet.

Let's go!

I'm not getting any younger.
Literally.

[ Both grunting ]

More power.

[ Laughing ]

Yeah, I just saw homie
blow a huge cloud

out that second window.

This is how you know
you're in Portland.

Adam: I'm really having
a good time being in a place

I've never been before, 'cause
I've never been to Portland.

I know, and this is cool
'cause I've been here

a few times for shows,

and Tiff took me here
for my birthday one year.

But I'm more stoked that
we're in a legal state again.

I know.
That feels good.

We've been hitting it hard
on the road.

I don't even think we need
to share that with anyone.

I think they can tell.

and say in Portland,
we're going to recover first.

Yes. This is what
we call at home --

me and Tiff call the "WWW" --
weed, water, wife.
Great.

When you need, like, a day
of just not consuming booze.

Well, let's do that.
Let's do all cannabis today.

No booze, but cannabis
every which way.

And then we'll wake up tomorrow,
and we could be on camera

not hungover
for the first time ever.

Which is gonna be
shocking.

Let's kick off
our cannabis day already.

♪♪

[ Man singing indistinctly ]

My wife sent me a link
for this place

'cause she saw
this dispensary on Goop.

Ha!
Well, that's a good sign.

-After you.
-Oh, thank you, sir.

I love this vibe already.

-Hi.
-Hi!

-How are you?
-Good. How are you guys?

-Good. I'm Adam.
-Hi. I'm Angela.

-Angela. Nice to meet you.
-Hey, I'm Jon.

-Nice to meet you.
-Hey. What's up?

-Joseph.
-Joseph? Jon. Nice to meet you.

-Wow! Look at that septum ring.
-Yeah, that's a flex and a half.

Did you forge that
in Portland?

Oh, no, it was forged in the
fires of Mount Doom, actually.

-Oh!
-Oh! Yeah.

I think we're gonna
like Portland.

[ Laughter ]

My wife told me
to come here

'cause this is where
Gwyneth Paltrow buys weed.

I want that weed that tastes
like Gwyneth Paltrow.

[ Laughter ]

Jon: I would like some
pre-rolls, edibles,

and I'll get, like,
an eighth of flower.

Adam: Can I also grab
this disposable?

I think I want
to try sour cherry.

We do have
the cookies, too.

Can I also get
a gram of Fatso?

Oh, that's some...

-Cheee!
-That's like brie.

Smells like when I work out,
what I sweat.

These are so good.

Oh, Jon, I gotta get these
for my grandma.

Jon: Oh, those are
her mints, yeah.

Is that a bottle
of champagne?

Joseph: Champagne, but it's just
50 milligrams of THC.

We have two bottles left,
actually.

They were, like,
a limited release.

I'll take both bottles.

Yay! We did it!
We're big boys.

Adam: Serra def has
that front-of-house vibe,

but let's get behind
the Portland cannabis curtain

at Garden of the Gods.

They grow small batches
of high-quality weed here.

Jon: Is it still technically
a travel show if we go in here

and never leave?

You guys ready?
Hell, yes.

Oh!

♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah ♪

Ah! It is like
Marsellus Wallace's briefcase.

I don't want to look at it.
But I can't stop.

We do everything by hand here.
We love the plant.

And so we give it the most love
that we absolutely can give it.

The aroma in here is really,
like, intoxicating.

We got a whiff of it
when we pulled into

the parking lot
of the entire structure.

We didn't even use Waze.
We just followed our scent.

Adam:
Look at these nugs!

And so this is getting 12 hours
of light, 12 hours of dark.

So, technically,
we could live here,

and it wouldn't make us
go crazy.

It wouldn't.

[ Laughter ]

You're down to weekends
with them?

If I'm living here,
I'm down to weekends.

Next room's gonna be
the dry room.

-Oh!
-Oh, baby!

This is a full table
of Grapefruit Durban.

-Oh!
-Ooh!

Jon:
I could sleep in this.

It'd be the only room
I'd be comfortable

dying in a fire in.
[ Laughs ]

Where does it go
from here?

We do what we call
bucketing.

Oh, where'd you guys
come up with the name?

Oh, where'd Adam go?

Where'd he go?

[ Laughter ]

And so here's the finished
product of that same bud.

Jon: Look how purply
this is, too.

Now we're getting closer
to the way I know it.

It's a phenotype
from Dinafem Farms,

and they're
an Amsterdam-owned company.

We call this
the Christmas tree

when you get one nug
that's that big.

This one actually has a place
for the star on top.

Hello?

I've only ever seen
bags like this

in rappers' Instagrams.

Thank you so much
for letting us see

the whole thing
from tip to taint.

From seed to weed.

And now it's time
to smoke it. Right? No?

This was a real pleasure.
Thank you so much.

This was really great.

Go! [ Laughs ]

He went --
He went to --

Jon went. Jon went.
I wouldn't do that.

They got the mad --

Excited to eat
a full weed meal.

I know. It's been a while
since we've had one, too.

Yeah.
This is so rad.

Do I look like
a pimento olive?

Yeah. You look like
a pimp-mento olive.

Hey. I like that.

She's the Alton Brown
of green,

the Julia Child
of getting high-ld,

the Barefoot Contessa
of cannabis!

It's Liz Vazquez, a.k.a.
[echoing] LivvieSmalls!

What is ha--

This is so cute!

Yeah, I really like
elevated stoner food.

So everything on the menu
is plant-based.

There's no dairy,
there's no meat,

because plant-based foods

are better carriers
for cannabinoids.

We just got to a meatless
and drinkless day.

I know.

So let's start
with flautas,

and I'm putting five milligrams
just right in the hot sauce.

Diving into this hot sauce.

[ Man singing in French ]

Plant-based ba*ls
with arugula salad

and olive oil infused with
my favorite CBD.

It has, like, a nice lemony
and pepper...

[ Slurping ]
[ Laughs ]

Mmm. That's good.

[ Laughs ]

[ Man singing in French ]

So our next course,
we have some savory pop tarts

with a pipette
of Chemdawg.

Oh!
There she goes.

Oh, man.
[ Laughs ]

I have some joints.
I bubblers.

Yeah!

They grew
this amazing gelato.

Let me try.

Adam: Network sensors won't let
us consume cannabis on camera.

These same [bleep]
have no problem with us

drowning in liquor and food
till we are almost dead.

This is a cannon.

This is straight-up, like, boom!
[ Mimics c*ck g*n ]

Squaw! Oomph!

You're blasted!

[ Laughter ]

Jon: I have some of
these bonbons from Serra.

You want to go halvsies?

And then one hour from now,

I think we should
feel pretty good.

Let's set the timer
on the clock...now.

One hour.

They're cloning.
They're just printing people.

They're printing people?

Adam:
I need a coffee.

Hippie speedball.

What if we go in here and it's,
like, that robot police dog

and it's, like, barking at us

with, like, a machine g*n
on its head?
Oh, my God.

The Boston ones that kind of
move like this.

[ Bell dings ]

It's dancing. Is it dancing
or is it cleaning itself?

Jon: It's seducing us,
I believe.

I kind of find it hot.

I think my thing
kicked in.

[ Laughing ]

-Let's get in.
-You always...

[ Laughing ]

Oh, perfect.
Oh.

-[ Laughs ] All right.
-I'm definitely stoned.

Yeah.
Can I get a water?

Thanks, Dan.

♪ We're keeping
Portland weird ♪

I don't think they gotta
worry about it.

Jon: Yeah, no, no, no.
We got Portland weird.

Well, I'm high.

You do look like
a Oompa-Loompa

at Willy Wonka's
night lounge.

[ Plays off-key tune ]

[ Deep voice ]
I'm finished!
[ Laughs ]