05x09 - Sunflower

[bunniefuu]

Oh, here we go.

[Amy] Previously on


[Tammy speaking]

[Tammy chuckles]

I miss my husband so much.
Hopefully, he'll be home soon.

I love you.

[Tammy speaking]

[Caleb speaking]

But here I am,

still in rehab.

-[burps]
-[baby cooing]

[Amy] I didn't mean to.

They're all telling me
what to do.

It's a lot of work
being on vacation
having babies.

-Stop!
-[Tammy] She put her hands
on me!

[Misty] Go to your room
and cool down!

This is the worst
I have ever seen Amy
lose her [bleep].

[Amy] I need to get back
to Kentucky.

[Amy] No!

-[dramatic music playing]
-[Amy crying]

[somber guitar music playing]

After the argument,
and a couple of days went by,

Amy had time to calm down,
and me, too.

And I think Amy has

now realized
what she has done.

Amy.

[sobbing] I just feel
still horrible.

-I'm not that person, Tammy.
-[Tammy] I know you're not.

And I'm...

[Tammy] You made a mistake.

You're admitting
that you made mistakes.

And you're seeking help
for it.

That's all you can do, Amy.

[Tammy] That's no way to live.

You don't have to
talk about it with me.

You've got your therapist,

and that's who
you need to talk to.

[Amy] Now that I'm seeing
a therapist,

hopefully, I can learn
to process stuff
a little bit better.

'Cause things have been
pretty bad for a long time.

I just always
kept it to myself.

You know,
the combination of...

being a mom
and going through a divorce,

my mental health
was really bad and I was under
so much stress.

So, with combining all that...

I had a moment and I snapped.

I really...

don't know what happened.

[Tammy] And we understand that
and now you know
what happened.

[Tammy] And you don't
have to do it right now.

And Amy's not gonna
get fixed in a day.

Just like weight-loss wasn't
gonna happen overnight,

surgery wasn't gonna
happen overnight,

nothing happens overnight.

[Amy speaking]

I'm gonna do my best
to move forward.

But I still can't put it
to rest and I actually
physically apologize

to Amanda.

I need for her to forgive me.

It's like that
you gotta make amends.

[sniffles]

I got you.

[Tammy] I knew Amy,
eventually, was gonna hit
her breaking point.

[sighs] I'm surprised
it took as long as it did.

I figured
it was gonna be sooner.

I mean,
I've been there, but...

It'll get better.

-Is my under wear showing?
-[Tammy snorts]

[both laughing]

-Your never-ending back.
-I know, right?

[laughing]

[both laughing]

[bell tolling]

[somber music playing]

[Tammy speaking]

I was sitting on my chair
and I was talking

to my cousin, Katie,
on the phone.

And, then, out of nowhere,
a text message come through

from his friend, Van,
from rehab.

And it said...

Caleb's not responsive.

I, immediately,
was like, "What?

This can't be true."

[sniffling] About
an hour later,

Trent texted me again,
said he's gone.

[inhales]

And then the facility
called me.

[sighs wearily]

I don't know exactly how
Caleb passed away.

At first, they told me,

it was, like, a heart attack.

But everything
is up in the air

until I get the autopsy back.

I think I was in shock
more than anything, at first.

[sniffles]

And all I could do
was sit and stare
at my couch.

I mean, my best friend's gone.

[crying]

[somber music playing]

-[Chris] It don't seem real.
-[Amanda] I don't.
It really don't.

And I'll be honest.

I wouldn't wish this type of
[bleep] on nobody,

my worst enemy
or anybody else's enemies.

[Chris] When I heard
that Caleb had passed away,

I was like, "Oh, dear Jesus."

It's really sad.
He was a great guy.

And I'm just devastated
for Tammy.

Being a widow at 36...

We gotta keep Tammy
in the right mindset.

Yeah, I'm really thankful
that Amy is over there
with Tammy.

That way,
she's not by herself.

But, um...

I haven't seen Amy
since Florida.

I'm extremely nervous
about seeing Amy.

You know, I'm not mentally
prepared to hash out
what happened in Florida.

I'm just here to make sure
that Tammy is okay

and that, if she needs
anything, we're there
to help her.

Dealing with a death
in the family

is more important
than us squabbling.

Seeing Amanda,
I feel embarrassed
because I did wrong.

And I just gotta fix it
so bad.

Well, Tam, you ready for this?

[Amy] This memorial's
gonna be really hard
on Tammy.

She don't know
how to process grief.

[Tammy crying]

[somber music playing]

[Amy speaking]

One minute, I'm mad at him
for leaving me,

not coming home,
not having the surgery.

And then, I get mad
at myself for being
mad at him,

'cause I shouldn't be
mad at him.

At times, it feels like
a dream.

I can't think like that.
You're going back into
the old Tammy,

and that's not where
you should be.

That's...

That sad and miserable...

person.

They said,
at first, after I left,
he got super discouraged.

You couldn't have known
that he would've...

you know, passed.

You gotta look at it that way.

When Tammy told me
that Caleb passed away,

I was very shocked. I just...

My body went into numb mode.
Like, I didn't know
what to say,

I didn't know what to do,
I just stood there.

I felt really,
really terrible.

She lost her husband.

It's gonna take her a while
to get with her groove.

But I'm here for her.

Knock-knock.

Hey, somebody's gonna have to
close the door behind me
because I got a handful.

What the heck?

[Chris] We got you
some casseroles, girl.

-Everybody's gotta eat.
-[Chris] Casserole, baby.

[Amy] I know today
ain't about me
or Florida, but...

seeing Amanda,
I feel embarrassed

because I did wrong.

And I just gotta fix it
so bad.

[sniffles]

[grunts]

So how you doing?

[Amanda] One moment at a time.

[Amy] Um...

I need to apologize
to all three of y'all.

I was really hoping that Amy
wasn't even gonna mention
the whole Florida incident,

simply because we're not
here for that. We're here
to rally around Tammy

and show Tammy support.

This moment's not about us.

-Look, we're here for Tammy.
-I'm sorry, I'm trying.

I know, and you're doing fine.

You don't have to apologize.

You're a good mom
and you can do this.

But you have to learn
to deal with your emotions.
When you get...

-I'm working on it.
I'm seeking therapy.
-[Amanda] I know that. I know.

It was the scariest thing
I've ever done. I've never hit
one of y'all.

Not first.

-Like...
-[all laughing]

Well, I mean...

Of course I'm gonna
defend myself,

I mean, when we were kids...
I mean, kid [bleep] is
kid [bleep]

as far as adults now.

But I'm over it. You over it?

-I ain't never...
-Are you over it?

But hold on,
I do got one question.

b*tch, don't you know
how to throw hands?

You damn near
tried to bite me.

[laughs]

-b*tch came after me
like... [snarls]
-[all laughing]

Didn't you learn
how to throw hands?

-She's like,
"I'm a pervert now."
-Damn.

[laughing]

[Amanda] It's definitely nice
to look back and...

And you know,
let's laugh at it.

Like, "b*tch,
you tried to bite me."

Like, "You can't throw hands?"

You know? We gotta take
little gigs.

You gotta make light
of moments that are serious.

Because, sometimes,
that's all you got.

The big thing is, Amy,
is you know, we fight
just as hard as we love.

But regardless,
we stand together,
ain't nobody breaking us down.

And you know, just like
we got your back
all the time,

we got Tammy's.

Absolutely. We definitely
got you. Always.

So Tammy, whatever you need,
you let one of us know.

We've got you
regardless of what it is.

[Chris speaking]

But have you figured out
any kind of arrangements
or anything

you wanna take care of?

And, then,
we never talked about

if he wanted to be cremated
or buried or what.

Because I am Caleb's wife,
I have a lot of decisions
to make.

But I'm gonna talk
to his family about it.

I want to respect them, too.

[Chris] Well, you do
what you gotta do

to grieve the way you need to
without hurting
your mental health.

You continue to do well
and do right, and be healthy

in his name, in his honor.

'Cause he would want you
to be nothing
but your best self.

Grief is crazy.

Like, one minute,
you're thankful
for the time you had,

the next minute,
you're mad at the person
because they left too soon.

You're angry, you're happy,
you're sad, you have
all of these emotions

that you deal with.

And when you think
that you're finally
over something,

there's one little thing
that can trigger you
and set you back.

I'm just hoping that,
when she feels like
she can't go no more,

she will, because she has to
keep moving forward.

You know, she's literally
still fighting for her life.

Hey, y'all. It's Amy.
And, today, I got
a life update video for y'all.

Bye, YouTube, and subscribe!

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, y'all. It's Amy.
And, today, I got
a life update video for y'all.

And I just wanted to share it
with my followers.

They've been there.
They've seen my marriage,
they've seen me have kids.

So it's only fitting
to share this news
with them, too.

These papers are actually
a copy of my divorce papers.

I signed
the final documents and...

I'm ready for it
to be over with.

I don't think it's fully
sunk in that I'm divorced now.

But having this divorce
to finally be over

means me and my boys
can move on

and we can enjoy our lives
the way we want.

Even though the divorce
was shorted than expected,

like, less than, like,
six months,

it took a mental toll
on my body
and a physical toll on me

that I'm seeking
help for and...

I feel like
it's the right time
to get stronger.

Lord knows, I had been against
therapy since the day
I was born, pretty much.

I have been to therapists,
and don't like 'em.

But it's for my two boys,
so I'm willing to do
whatever it takes.

Michael and me
are sharing custody.

I get the boys
Michael gets 'em 30.

And I got the house.

He got the TV
and one of the cars.

[laughs]

Amy's single, b*tches,
but she ain't ready
to mingle.

Don't call me,
don't show up
at my house either, okay?

But I love y'all,
I'll talk to you guys later.
Have a nice day.

Bye, YouTube, and subscribe!

[somber music playing]

[crying]

[Tammy] It's been
almost two weeks...

I just got home from Ohio
and taking care of all
the arrangements for Caleb.

[Amy speaking]

It was like
a black cloud there.

You can just feel it
in the air.

Back at the rehab, I decided
to have Caleb cremated.

I made sure to talk
to his family about it

and they were
more than okay with it.

Oh.

[both laughing]

Where you say something
without thinking about it
or without reason.

It's just... [blabbers]

And it just comes
out your mouth.

That was
one of those things. [laughs]

Most of what I say
is some of those
things. [laughs]

[both laughing]

[both laughing]

Right now, I'm kind of
on a roller coaster
of emotions.

Like, one second, I'm mad,
next minute, I'm crying.

And then, Amy's dumb butt
wants to make me laugh.

Thanks, Amy. [chuckles]

Okay, next on the agenda...

-Is the memorial.
-Exactly.

The sunset was, kind of,
mine and Caleb's thing.

We will sit and hold hands

and just watch
the sun go down.

[Amy speaking]

[Tammy] I have a little
attachment for some reason
to sloth.

And...

He was always getting me
little presents

and letting me know
he was thinking about me.

[sniffles]

[Tammy speaking]

[Misty] Hey, I'm here!

[Amanda] Okay,
I'll be right out.
I'm putting my dress on.

So today is Caleb's memorial.

And Misty and I
have decided to get together

and get everything ready,

so Tammy don't have to
worry about logistics of
who's bringing what.

All Tammy has to do
is show up.

Does this look okay?

-[Misty] Yeah, you look great.
-I like that dress too.

-[Misty] Thank you!
-That's a new one, isn't it?

Yep.

Had to buy new ones,
everything was too big.

Since I had the surgery,
I've lost 53 pounds.

I feel great, you know.

And I'm hoping by this time
next year I can, you know,
be down to 150.

I weigh 270 right now.

Or 170 I'm sorry.
Not 270, 170.

So, I think
I can get there, hopefully.

I went from like a size 22
down to 14, 16.

Yeah, I started out
at like 300

a couple of days
before surgery

and I'm down to 265.

It's been four months
since my surgery

and I'm feeling great.

I'm off of one of my
blood pressure medicines.

I'm getting around
a hell lot better now
than what I was.

But a comfortable number
where I feel like
I would look good

and feel even better
is right at 220.

I mean, I'm five eleven.
and I'm a big girl.

You know, I'm thick
in all the right places, okay?

[Misty laughing]

[Misty] I got the programs.

[Amanda] He would've
liked that.

-Mmm-hmm. I think so.
-Very sweet.

So would you bring
beer to the party or what?

[Amanda] Well, if it was party
like that, I would.

But, um, you know,
Tammy had mentioned
wanting some butterflies

-to release.
-That would be cool.

Ah, I'm gonna try to get
the instructions out
without them waking up.

Come out.

Tammy had mentioned
that she would like
to release butterflies

in remembrance of Caleb.

But I don't know
a doggone thing
about butterflies

with the exception of the fact
that they are beautiful.

It says that... [laughs]

we're supposed to keep
the butterflies on ice.

And then about


-before we want them
to fly away...
-[Misty] Mmm-hmm.

...we gotta get them
out of the ice.

I'm definitely nervous
about the logistics

of handling and releasing
these butterflies.

I guess you could literally
be like a butterfly

and say we're going in
on a wing in a prayer.

[laughs] I don't like
touching bugs.

[Amy] Tammy,
how are you doing?

[Tammy speaking]

[Amy speaking]

[Amy speaking]

[Amy laughs]

[Tammy speaking]

[Amy] I know this memorial
is gonna be really hard
on Tammy.

But I know I'm gonna be
right there to support her
in every way she needs.

[Chris] Tammy, how are you
doing today, baby?

[Tammy speaking]

Yeah,
totally understandable.

[Tammy speaking]

[crying]

Yeah, I thought
it was gonna rain earlier.

[Amy] Tammy is numb right now.

She don't know how to feel.

She don't know
how to process grief

like a normal human being.

We're told to push
our feelings down,

not to embrace them.

So she's trying to manage
the way she can.

[Tammy sniffles]

[Billy speaking]

[Billy] Nine months ago,
Tammy had asked me
to officiate her wedding.

-[guests cheering]
-[guests clapping]

It's really hard to put
into words how to

go from one extreme of
officiating a wedding

and just watching Tammy
in the most happiest points
of her life,

just to turn around
in a year--
Less than a year.

Then I have to witness her
in the most tragic time
of her life.

So we've got the programs
and guest book over here.

And as the guests come,
you can greet them

and tell them that,
um, to sign in.

Yes.

[boy] Don't worry, mamma.

I invited all my friends
and family to come
to the memorial.

[Tammy speaking]

But his friends Robin
and Lawrence are here
on their behalf.

It's heart warming
and sad knowing...

what we're here to do.

Welcome, you guys,
on behalf of Tammy Willingham.

We wanna thank you
as you join us as we honor
Caleb Willingham here tonight.

And though we mourn
his passing,

we celebrate his life,
his memory and
his love tonight.

[sorrowful music playing]

[crying]

[Tammy speaking]

Everything that's going on.

I'm sorry.

[sniffles]

At this time,
we'd like to ask
Rob to come up.

[Tammy crying]

[sighs]

I prayed this day
would never come.

Caleb, he's more than
just a friend.

He is my brother.
he is my family.

He's gonna be dearly missed.

Caleb and I did a lot of
music together.

He was very talented.

He wanted people
to hear his voice.

So, if you don't mind,
I have a song
that we recorded

called Crazy life.

[Caleb singing]

♪ It's the kind of situation
I couldn't handle ♪

♪ Yeah, this is crazy life
With crazy things ♪

♪ But I swear
It's those things ♪

♪ That make us who we are ♪

♪ If you really
Clap your hands one time ♪

♪ Yo, this time
We're gonna make it ♪

♪ Even though they hate it
I always felt like ♪

♪ I was underrated ♪

♪ Unappreciated ♪

♪ What, I'm just
Supposed to take it♪

♪ No, not anymore, man ♪

♪ I feel elated ♪

♪ Up on cloud nine... ♪

[Tammy speaking]

[Caleb's song playing]

[laughing]

♪ Feeling inside ♪

Thank you, Rob.

We'd like to ask
Chris to come up.

And this is a poem that
Caleb wrote especially for...

-[clears throat]
-...Tammy.

The name of the poem
is Sunflower

by Caleb Willingham.

The Sunflower poem
was wrote by Caleb
for Tammy

while they were in
rehab together.

You know, it's part
of the love they have
for each other.

"Sunflower, sunflower,
God planted you as a seed."

[Tammy crying]

[Caleb reading]

[Tammy sniffles]

[Chris reading]
"Sunflower, sunflower,
you stand unique.

Most of all blessing me
beyond reach."

[Tammy crying]

[Amanda speaking]

[Tammy crying hysterically]

[Amanda] We're all
right here, sis.

[Tammy speaking]

[crying]

Caleb and I had
a lot of plans.

We wanted to
grow old together.

We wanted to sit
on the front porch
and watch the sunset.

He even wanted children.

And now,
that's not gonna happen.

Tammy, you have anything
you'd like to share?

[Tammy speaking]

And I appreciate everybody.

[Amy speaking]

I'd seen somebody online
release butterflies
in the remembrance of

one of their family members.

I thought it would be
a really beautiful way...

Pterodactyls because
butterflies were too small.

And I couldn't find
any pterodactyls

because unfortunately,
they're all extinct.

Now butterflies
will have to do.

[Rob] Sure.

[Tammy speaking]

[sighs in exasperation]

[Tammy speaking]

-[Lawrence] Ready?
-[Misty] One, two, three.

-[Rob] Oh, man.
-[Amy] Oh, man.

-[Tammy] Hey, you'll
gotta go.
-[Amy] Come on now.

[Amy screams] It's on me.

[all laughing]

It was supposed to be
cute and majestic.

It turned out...

One landed on my finger
and I freaked out a little.

[chuckles]

[all clapping]

[Amy] Good bye, Caleb.

Now every time
you see a butterfly,
it'll remind you of him.

[joyful music playing]

[Tammy] You're ready?

Today I am releasing
a lantern

to end the chapter of my life
and start anew.

-[Amy] Am I doing this right?
-[Tammy] I don't know.

You know literally
watching these two
lighting this lantern...

Them too, God bless them.

[Amy] One, two, three.
No!

-[Tammy] You ready?
-[Amy] Yeah.

[Tammy speaking]

But now, I've had
some time to myself

to process things.

I love you.
I'm gonna miss you.

But I'm gonna be okay
without you.

[Tammy speaking]

And as it should be.

It just gets
a little better over time.

Just keep focusing
and looking forward.

Forward to new life,
forward to new heights
and horizons.

Right. I'm not giving up.

I've come too far
and he wouldn't
want me to give up.

All right.

[Tammy speaking]

I was over 700 pounds.

I almost died.

I had a trach.

[throat growls]

My throat farts.

[laughs]

I fell in love with Caleb.

[Tammy speaking]

Got married to Caleb.

Got out of rehab.

[all cheering]

And I lost my husband.

It's been hard.

I need to try to find a way
to end the chapter
of my life and start anew.

I'm proud of you, Tammy.

And it's been
a long five years

like, since we
started this journey.

And there were times
when I didn't think
you could do it.

And there were times
I didn't think I could do it.

And we prevailed.

[Amy] For the past
few weeks,

I've been trying to do
like new things

to take care of me
and my boys.

Can you do it?

-Wow!
-[Amy] Wow!

[Amy] I'm establishing
boundaries with the boys.

Good job!
Give five.

Putting 'em on a schedule.

I love you!

Yeah? Do you wanna
read it with mommy?

No? You just
want to eat the tail.

Glenn's got teeth now.
He's walking.

You do it.

I'm getting Gage
ready for preschool.

He's growing up.

-[Amy] Which one's "A"?
-A!

[Amy] Good job.

I wanna be out
with the old Amy

and in with the new Amy,
you know?

Improve my health,
improve my mental health
as well.

Just get
the excess weight off.

With everything
that's going on...

So, I need to
get on the ball.

I think I'll hang back
a little bit.

[Tammy] Okay.

I asked Chris to take me
to my happy place which is

where we used to come
when we were younger
on vacation.

They used to swim
in that water out.

I mean, apparently,
I did too, but...

I don't know. [laughs]

So I figured
since this is my happy place,

why not bring him, you know,

and say good bye, I guess.

-[Tammy] You ready?
-Yeah.

-[Amy speaking]
-[Tammy laughs]

[lights]

[Amy] Don't burn,
don't burn me.

[Tammy] Don't burn me.

[Amy] Don't burn her,
burn her, burn her. [bleep]

-[Amy] Am I doing this right?
-I don't know.

Tam, I can't see.

[Tammy] How do you do this?

-Light her on.
-No, no, no, no, no.

[Tammy speaking]

[Amy] Sorry.

[Amy] Try holding it.

[blows]

[Chris] you know, literally
watching these two
light this lantern...

kinda like,
the little engine they could.

You know they're gonna
do it sometime

but boy, they're taking
their sweet time
getting it done.

[laughs]

[Amy] Come on, come on,
come on. No!

[Amy] Come on, come on,
come on. No!

Them two,
God bless them.

[Amy speaks indistinctly]

-Well, it's starting to go,
it's starting to go.
-Yeah, it's starting.

[Tammy] Hurry, hurry.

-[Amy] Okay.
-[Tammy] Ready?

[Amy] One, two, three.

No! No!

[Tammy laughs]

-It smoked.
-[Tammy] There it goes.

[Tammy] Bye, Caleb.

Watch out, birdies.

[instrumental music playing]

-[Tammy] This is awkward.
Get off me.
-[Amy laughs]

[Amy] How are you feeling
watching that lantern go?

Honestly, very peaceful.

[Amy] I'm so excited to see
what Tammy's next chapter
will be.

I hope she loses more weight.

Stranger things
have happened.

[Amy] Don't know where
we're going, but let's go.

[Tammy speaking]

[Tammy] I don't know
where I'm gonna go from here.

Well, what I'm gonna do now,

I'm gonna keep driving,
I'm gonna keep...

keep me in box.
Box...

[Amy speaking]

[Tammy laughing]