03x04 - Chapter Twenty-Four

[bunniefuu]

I got you.

I own you.

I know what you want.

And I'm still gonna find you.

The "It's All Relative" results came in,

and we filtered 3,000 names
by age, gender, and birthplace.

Which left us with only the people
that share Lil' Ricky's birthday

and whose names contain
"Ricardo" or "Galindo."

That brought us down to four candidates.

Jasmine and I
knocked one guy off the list,

and we found him on Facebook,
which means he's not hiding.

The three others don't have social media.

Wasn't Chivo's saliva supposed
to tell us exactly who Lil' Ricky was?

You didn't read the notes I emailed!

What notes?

There's no time to not be
paying attention at all times.

The Golden State k*ller was caught

because a relative
unwittingly submitted their DNA

to a database,

and the police matched
that DNA to a GSK crime scene.

Now, we had Chivo's DNA,
but no crime scene to tie it to.

If you read the notes, you'd also know
that George Lopez is related to Chivo!

I wanted to follow up on it...

but because of my dedication
to this investigation,

I've postponed interrogating Mr. Lopez
until a later date.

So...

What?

How do we know Lil' Ricky's
one of the three remaining names?

'Cause he loved puzzles, and there's
no greater puzzle than yourself.

No more questions!

You all got assignments.

- Where's--
- Jamal?

He's been having sex.

This is your assignment.

- Did you read the notes?
- Of course.

- You're down to four suspects?
- Three.

Way to go, team!

See? I can lead an investigation
and still have sex!

Work hard. Play hard!
But not too hard, 'cause I'm learning.

- Want to know about it?
- No need. We can smell it.

- And taste it.
- Well, it's a good thing I can't taste you

because you look like sh*t.

Yeah? Well, you would too
if a g*ng boss threatened you,

your family, and stole all your knives.

Enough!

Everyone find your suspects.

Okay, then.

Hey, you need some R and R.

No, you need it.

Once you find the suspect in your folder,
give it a rest so I can have one.

You're creating unwanted stress
by having to be in control all the time.

- So chill.
- Okay.

As your leader, I welcome feedback,

and I can see how I've been leading us
so intensely for so long

that it might be good for me
to take a moment to recalibrate.

- That's not what I said. What I said was--
- Shh.

You're welcome.

Be gone with ya!

I got you, boo.

Everything's gonna be fine.
We'll find him.

We'll find him!
Everything's gonna be fine!

We'll find him!
We'll find him! We'll find him!

When you say "find him," who do you mean?

Lil' Ruby.

Lil' Ruby?

Lil' Ruby!

No, Lil' Ricky!
And stop calling yourself "small."

- Are you coming?
- No!

Yes!

- You know where you are?
- Ain't looking to scrap, homie.

We were drunk.
Didn't mean no disrespect the other night.

So what did you mean?

Jefferson.

It should be ours now.
It's closer to our hood than yours.

And my abuelita's been getting taxed
by the Prophet$ over there forever.

That sh*t's gotta stop.

Well, it ain't gonna.
We took it. Now back up.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You boys know where you are?

Of course we do, Abuelito.

- Ray, get back in the house.
- I got you, mijo.

sh*t! No mames. Is this your old man?

- Hey, watch your mouth.
- Or what, viejito?

- You gonna beat me with your cane?
- I said get back in the house.

Go flip burgers, puto.
We'll chop it up when Daddy lets you out.

Those b*tches are lucky.

Lucky I don't kick your a*s.

You pull that sh*t again,
I'll throw your a*s to the curb.

- I used to run these streets once.
- Ancient history.

These young ones comin' up
will sh**t you for no reason.

Ain't no code anymore.

I can see that.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Kissing your brother's girl?

Is that a threat?

Don't think you got anything on me.

This is it.

- Who is that?
- Not Lil' Ricky.

Well, thanks for being quick and thorough.

That's what she said...
right after we had sex!

Okay, great.
Well, I appreciate your hard work.

That's what she said.

Okay, getting off now.

- That's also what she said.
- Stop!

She did not say that.

My God. We're down to two suspects,
and all Jamal can think about is sex!

Think about sex!
All Jamal can think about is sex.

Sex!

Sex! Sex! Sex!

Should I loop in Cesar and Monse?

They're sexy.

What?You want to bring
Cesar and Monse into this?

Your bulge is vibrating!

Want me to get it?

Are you gonna get it?

- What's up?
- Not it.

Our guy was really short,
and Lil' Ricky was really tall.

Well over six feet.

Yeah, but don't people shrink
as they get older?

Yeah, but you don't go
from Lil' Ricky to Lil' Ruby.

What's that supposed to mean?

That you're short,
and Lil' Ricky was tall.

We asked him if he knew Cuchillos,
and he said no.

- Why would you ask that?
- To rule him out.

Hey, maybe that's why Rosé
didn't text back either.

You asked Rosé if she knew Cuchillos too?

That's it. You don't read the notes.

You ask asinine questions.

And you're putting
the investigation in jeopardy!

I have no choice but to put you two
on standby until further notice.

But you aren't the leader.

Sorry, Mons,
but I gotta side with Ruby on this one.

- We'll let you know when we need you.
- Fine.

Jasmine, maybe the DNA database
was a waste of time.

Lil' Ricky's probably not in it.

Looking for me?

Yes.

I'm lost.

Where are we?

Yup, that's why I'm looking at the map.

No, I mean, where are we?

Um...

I don't know.

I need to tell you something.

- Something happened.
- No.

No talk of the past.

Right now, we need to be present.

We need a clean slate.

Um... a tabula rasa?

Yes, exactly. A clean slate.

Okay. And how are we gonna do that?

First date.

- Aren't we already past that point?
- Yeah, but that's the problem.

We've been running the bases backwards
from the start.

We were hooking up
before we even had a date.

Maybe what we need is just that.

A date.

An epic one to recalibrate everything
that went wrong and...

everything that's still right.

Okay.

So when is this epic date happening?

Give me 24 hours.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think I'm out of juice.

I'm so glad you got the day off.

Actually, it's not really my day off,
and no one gave it to me.

I'm the boss, and I'm taking
a short summer sabbatical.

'Cause when I'm there,
it's all about my wins

and I feel like this break will be
really good for morale.

My subordinates need a chance to shine.

- What do you do?
- Can't talk about it.

Let's just say I'm leading a team
in a high-stakes investigation.

And you?
How are you so available right now?

No job or summer school?

No job, but I am taking a class.

- At Freeridge?
- No, I don't go to Freeridge.

I'm homeschooled.

But wait, you're always at Freeridge.

Yeah.

So you just wander our halls to stalk me?

Yeah.

And your homeroom
is just like a room in your home?

Yeah.

And your classes are like-- What?
You just take classes on the computer?

No.

My parents like for me to get hands-on.

For physics class,
instead of reading a book,

I went to the Hoover Dam.

For philosophy,
I spent time at the cemetery.

- Pondering life.
- And death.

For bio, instead of a frog dissection,

I assisted a veterinarian
in neutering my dog.

And for sex-ed,
you helped your mother deliver a sibling.

- Gotcha.
- No, I'm an only child,

and sex-ed is about my sex, not hers.

Cool, cool, cool.

Am I your sex-ed class?

This is totally normal, but I like how
seriously you are taking this rat issue,

and I assure you
that I take it just as seriously.

To me, finding rattus norvegicus
is like solving a puzzle.

In fact, I gotta show you a pic of this
one crazy infestation that I uncovered.

Where is that picture? Where is
that picture? Where is that picture?

I don't know where it is.

It was such a good one.

Rats decapitating each other, limbs torn
from bodies, blood flowing!

It was glorious!

Yeah, real bummer you couldn't find it.

We're ready to schedule.
Can you come to Freeridge tomorrow?

Freeridge?
I'm not going to Freeridge.

- Why not?
- I'd rather not say.

- Why are you being so dodgy?
- Why are you?

We haven't slept in days
because of the rats.

Listen, I know a great guy in Freeridge.

- We'll pay double.
- I'll be there between three and six.

What's next? How do we do this?

Is this gonna be for delivery or pickup?

- Of what?
- Lil' Ricky!

- Call Cuchillos!
- How?

Ay! Why don't you use the phone she
specifically gave you for this purpose?

I don't call her, she calls me.

What if the phone doesn't have minutes?
I don't want to cause her overage fees.

Text her or tell her he's gonna be
at your place tomorrow

during the three-to-six window.

I can't give Cuchillos a window!

Ay! Then tell her 5:30.
These guys are always late.

Ay.

I don't know.
Dinner and a movie, that's so cliché.

- What else you got?
- Maybe you're overthinking this.

It's Monse. Not possible.

it's not what you got,

it's what you do with what you got.

I got nothing.

- How about a picnic in the park?
- At night? In Freeridge?

I'm running out of ideas, Monse.

How about I surprise you?

- With what?
- A surprise.

The date, where we're going,
what we're doing.

So I don't get a say?

That's usually what happens, yeah.

Yeah, except this is our first date,

and it's supposed to be
a clean-slate date, so I need a say.

Surprise.

So what do you do when
someone's using you for your body?

Update your Amazon wish list.

I don't need gifts,
but there is something missing.

You need to connect between the ears,
not the legs.

Yeah, maybe.

At first, I was okay with it
just being physical,

but I also want someone to like me.

I thought she liked me,
but she doesn't even know me.

She only knows Baby J.

Daddy J, he's got feelings.

He's sensitive. He's-- He's a romantic.

He wants to be swaddled

and read a bedtime story
and tucked in at night.

But Baby J, he's down to clown,

and he's telling Daddy J to go to bed.

So, the baby's putting the daddy to bed?

It's a metaphor.

Daddy.

Baby.

Or in my case, toddler.

No!
Do you think I'm one of those people

that can't enjoy sex unless I'm in love?

God, I hope not.

Those people are the worst.

Geny's like that.

Speaking of the Sappy sl*t. I gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What should I do?

Should I just relax and go with it, or...?

Jamal, keep having sex with the doll.

She's real.

Okay.

- Where they going?
- I got them tickets to Medieval Manor.

So between the drive, the dinner,

and the twins getting diarrhea
from King Arthur's fish tacos,

they'll be gone for 13 hours.

- Why aren't you going?
- We found Lil' Ricky.

He's an exterminator.

You found him?
Way to bury the lede from the leader.

- Yeah.
- That's amazing.

- What can I do?
- Nothing.

But--

But I'm the leader.

I want to at least help or delegate.

No! Jamal, we don't need any help.

There's no room for error,
and you're a liability.

Where should I put the dead rats?

Should I spread 'em out, or...

Should I spread 'em out, or...

I can't wait to spread 'em for you.

Spread 'em?

Legs...

or butt?

Booby.

Booby!

You want to see her booby?

What are you doing here? You gotta go.

No!

Let him stay!

Yeah.

We're about to do this.

Jamal, you gotta go.

I'm gonna go spread out the rats.

Are you okay? What was that?

I don't know. I'm so stressed out.

I keep seeing Jasmine
in some juiced-up horny wind,

and I want to bone her.

sh*t!

Your PTSD is back.

Maybe.

Okay.

If giving you space
is going to give you comfort,

- I can do that.
- I appreciate you.

You're early.

- Too early.
- I'm in the window.

Three to six.

It's three.

- Miniature golf.
- Sold.

- I love miniature golf.
- Then it's out.

We need to do something
that we haven't done before.

Let's just go back to your picnic idea.

- The one you shot down?
- Yeah, because it's dangerous outside.

But what if we do it inside?

- Okay. Where?
- Here.

After you close up.

Neither of us have had a late-night
rendezvous in a restaurant before.

No, not here.

- I don't want to get in trouble.
- Okay, fine.

- How about--
- How about you just let me plan it.

I am. You're planning it with me.

Which means it probably won't happen.

Maybe we are cursed.

I kissed Oscar.

I know.

And you're not mad?

He told me what happened.
It's not a big deal.

- But he's your brother.
- And you were drunk.

Wait a second. Why are you upset?

- Because it's not okay that you're okay.
- Monse!

Go, go, go, go, go!

What can I get you?

Spaghetti.

- Pepperoni pizza.
- Kung pao chicken.

Or how about some Jell-O,  viejito?

I think you better get out.

Or what, b*tch?

I got this, Ray.

You, clean up the office, all right?

Yeah, start sweeping, old man.

So, what can I get you gentlemen?

Our tax.

You gonna order something,
or are we gonna have a problem?

As long as he's working here,
there's gonna be a problem

if you don't start paying.

I've been running Dwayne's
for about 15 years,

never been part of the program.

It's a new day, fool.
We're running the program,

which means you're paying.

Not at Dwayne's.

So if you're not gonna order something...

you can leave.

Monse, we're talking in circles.
I don't get why you're so mad.

I kissed another guy,
and it was your brother.

So you did it on purpose?

No. No, it was an accident.

I don't understand
why you're so upset that I'm not upset.

- Because you should be angry.
- Don't try to tell me how to feel.

Finally, an emotion.

- You want me to be angry?
- Yes!

- Why?
- Because--

Because you wiping away my screwup
doesn't get to wipe away yours.

You're never gonna let that go, are you?

I don't know.

Well, I'm sorry, Monse...

but I can't change the past.

So you're just leaving?

Just giving up on us?

Hi, I'm Cesar.

What are you doing?

I've noticed you for a while,

but I've always been too shy
to talk to you.

What's your name?

This is dumb.

Monse.

I'm Monse.

Hello, little piggies.

This isn't working for me.

Want to call me "Juanita" again?
You seem to like that.

I do, but that's not it. I don't know.

Maybe I'm one of those gross people
that needs to be in love when they do it.

You don't love me, do you?

- I barely know you.
- Which is a problem. Do you even like me?

Sure.

What do you like?

How about the first thing
that comes to mind?

Clean. You seem clean.

- That's it?
- And different.

Like me.

- I can work with that.
- So what do you like about me?

You're sexy, and I like that you like me.

So, have you ever been in love?

Good question.

What is love?

Dead. All the rats are already dead.

Your problem solved itself.

- What happened to the live ones?
- We didn't buy any.

The dead ones were cheaper.

Are there any other options?

We could whip out my big hose.

We could whip out my big hose.

We can whip out my big hose.

- How big is your hose?
- Big enough to handle all that T.

Do we really need his hose?

I don't want to see it.

Then I won't get it from my truck,
but that's all I can do.

- But that can't be everything.
- Call me if you have another problem.

Like an overwhelming sensation,

love is a drive,

something that motivates you
to wake up in the morning.

Something that gives you...

purpose.

I'm feeling something, Kendra.
Something is starting to make sense.

The last time I felt this

were when I was looking for
the RollerWorld loot. Long story.

Anyway, I feel like my love is my purpose,

and my purpose is my love.

And right now,
my purpose is to find Lil' Ricky,

whose purpose was to stop the violence,
which ironically led to even more violence

which would k*ll Lil' Ricky to know
because he's not a violent guy.

He would never hurt a fly.

Wait a second.

Lil' Ricky would never be an exterminator!

Kendra! It's not him!

And I'm not him!

I'm sorry. I can't be your control,
because I gotta get back in control.

Sabbatical's over.

It's not you, it's my purpose.

If I had had more time,
I could have fallen in love...

with you.

I'm sorry we had to end this way.

And my mom's home,
so you need to use the window.

What the hell are you doing?

Please, you can't leave.
This is life or death.

It's not Lil' Ricky!

He left to escape the violence.

Who's Lil' Ricky?

You are!

- The leader of the Santos!
- Cuchillos' long lost love?

What's a Cuchillos?

It's not him.

I'll send you a bill.

What are we gonna tell Cuchillos?

What the hell?

We're gonna bust your head in.

I need protection.

For all the years I've lived here,
I've never really walked just to walk.

Me neither.

- It's happening.
- What's happening?

Our first date.

We're on it.

I even have butterflies.

Yeah, me too.

Wait. So when am I gonna get
my good-night kiss?

Is the night over?

No.

Tabula rasa.

Hello?

Bryan?

What did you just say?

Okay.

Bye.

Hey.

What's wrong?

My mom's dead.