01x03 - How to Cope

[bunniefuu]

-[siren wailing in distance]
-[footsteps]

[woman ]
I am absolutely terrified
of going outside.

I don't go outside for walks.

When I see people, I automatically think

that they're sick
and they want to get me sick.

[woman ]
I've been washing my hands obsessively.

I've been disinfecting light switches

and doorknobs in my house
multiple times a day.

[man]
I see threats everywhere.

Everywhere I look, I see virus particles.

We need to experience fear
in this situation.

Fear is there to help us survive.

Fear is there to help us
prepare for danger.

[narrator]
It drives us
to follow the rules.

Staying home, washing our hands,
wearing a mask, and keeping our distance.

But fear that starts out as productive
can stack up.

The anxiety that comes along
with having a four-month-old

and not wanting her to get the virus.

[in Russian] My business has
completely stopped dead, just halted.

[in English]
Juggling household work, office work...

homeschooling...
Just making sure every need is met.

[in Italian] I regret not being able
to attend the last semester of university.

[in English] We would love to see
lots of people, obviously,

but that's an impossibility.

Nobody knows what's happening
in the future. It's all very uncertain.

You don't know where it is
and when it's going to bite you.

It's...

very powerful.

I think that what we're seeing now

is that we are all more the same
than we are different.

We have, um, similar fears,
similar hopes, similar dreams...

[narrator]
Because rarely in history

have so many of us faced
the same crises all at once.

In the US, a few months into the outbreak,

a third of people were experiencing
high psychological distress,

and in China, half of the doctors
and nurses reported depression.

Almost as many reported anxiety.

And in past collective crises,

like t*rror1st attacks,

natural disasters, and other epidemics,

people struggled
with these kind of effects

even a year or more later.

The stress many of us
are experiencing right now

could stay with us long after
the pandemic itself is over,

but it doesn't have to.

Coping is preventative care.

Small things we do today
can help protect us in the future.

So what does that look like?

How do we cope?

I want the fear to stop.
I want the anxiety to stop.

[sirens blaring]

[theme music playing]

You can physically isolate, but you don't
have to emotionally and socially isolate.

-Hi, Dad.
-Hi.

[exhaling]

We have to work together
to address this issue.

[knocking]

Grocery delivery.

This is happening.
We can't let it bring us down.

-[all cheering]
-I love my community...

and I feel like we are one.

[theme music continues]

[narrator]
Calmness is your resting state,

a state of balance.

And stress is the opposite.

Coping means restoring that balance.

So to learn how, it helps to understand
the system that controls it.

When your brain perceives a threat,
it sounds an alarm,

using your nervous system,

a network of wires that zip
electrical messages around your body.

The autonomic nervous system is
that part of it that takes care of things

automatically for you
without you thinking about it.

[narrator]
It connects your brain
to nearly all your major organs,

and it can be divided
into two opposing systems.

The sympathetic nervous system

-tells your body when it's on high alert,
-[animal growls]

while the parasympathetic nervous system
tells your body when it's okay to relax.

-One is like a gas pedal,
-[car accelerating]

and the other is the brakes.

[car braking]

[narrator]
When you're calm,
they are in constant push and pull,

keeping each other in check.

But when you're stressed,
the sympathetic nerves take over.

Your adrenal glands release
stress hormones, adrenaline, and cortisol.

Your heart rate rises.

Your liver releases sugar into your blood,
giving you a burst of energy.

Your breathing speeds up,
muscles tense for action, and then,

once you're finished fighting or fleeing,
your body goes back to normal.

The problem is, it doesn't matter
whether it's a physical threat

or more abstract one.

Your brain will mobilize
the exact same response.

And the threats we're facing right now
aren't the kind you can outrun.

When I found out in the morning

that I was gonna have to be
admitted to the hospital

and that I was gonna be admitted alone,

that I wouldn't be able
to have any visitors,

I think all of it just came crashing down.

I started sobbing and shaking

and, I mean, kind of
a classic panic attack. I couldn't stop.

It's been really tough for my anxiety,
'cause I have sickle cell disease.

I'm more prone to catching infection.

And I don't really have, like,

the tolerance to be able to, like,
stand COVID if I caught it.

This has been unlike anything
I have ever experienced in my training.

To have to do
all of these difficult conversations

with families over the phone,

for family members not to be
at the bedside with their loved ones.

I mean, it's just been...

incredibly difficult.

Our bodies and minds weren't designed
for chronic stress.

They were designed
for these kinds of short-term stressors,

and all of the adrenaline
and other chemicals that are released

get worked out
by the fighting or the fleeing.

[van der Kolk] If there's nothing
your body can do to take care of things,

then the energy to do something
stays in your body,

and it gets translated into agitation.

[narrator]
And the things we normally do
to ease the agitation

can be a lot harder during a pandemic.

Video chats are great,
but it's... it's not the same.

That physical component of being, um...

connected to others is something that
we just really don't have right now.

[narrator]
Even the things we can do
to feel better

become more difficult when we're stressed.

A lot of insomnia, a lot of anxiety
at night, difficulty sleeping.

[in Spanish] I find myself having trouble
falling asleep.

[in English]
I've been sleeping pretty bad.

: a.m., and I can't sleep.

[Levitin] It's often hard to sleep
when we're stressed

because we've got adrenaline
coursing through our veins

which serves to keep us awake.

It also can be because
we're ruminating.

Our brains won't turn off.

I can't really think about being creative

when I have to worry about how I'm gonna
eventually have to pay some my bills,

or when this stuff is gonna end,
or my health and potentially catching it.

[narrator]
A stressed brain
has one priority:

getting you ready to fight or flee.

So coping begins with convincing
your brain that you're safe,

and the easiest way to do that is by...

[deep inhale]

[exhale]

[narrator]
Usually it's your brain
that decides when it's safe to relax.

But when you breathe deeply,

the message of safety
gets passed back up the line,

and your parasympathetic nerves
become more active.

It's like a cheat code,
forcing your system back into balance.

We can actually measure this, too,
through the gaps in our heartbeats.

When you're calm, the gaps are more varied

because of that push and pull
between your gas pedal and your brakes.

You have a higher heart rate variability,
or HRV.

But when your sympathetic
nervous system takes over,

the spaces become shorter
and more regular,

a much lower HRV.

So let's try it.

Breathe in for five.

Hold it.

Breathe out for five.

[exhales]

[narrator]
The average person takes
to breaths a minute,

but slowing that down to six breaths

can significantly increase your HRV.

Counting the intake
and counting the exhale...

It did make me feel better
to do the deep breathing.

[narrator]
Controlled breathing
gets easier with practice.

Like working out your muscles,

you can train your nervous system
to bear more weight.

But breathing can only get you so far

when you're constantly facing
new reasons to be stressed.

-[reporter ]
But this COVID- crisis...
-
[reporter ]
Italy shut down...

-[reporter ]
Mass layoffs...
-[man]
...death count.


[narrator]
But you can avoid doing things
that may cause unnecessary stress.

Watching more TV news during
other traumatic world events, like /,

was associated with higher rates
of serious stress.

Instead of being glued to the news,

just have a plan
for how you're gonna get your news.

I check the news once a day
and once a day only, and that's because

I know that there's nothing else
that I'm going to read during the day

that is going to change my behavior.

It doesn't serve me in any way.

That's gonna make it
just a little bit easier

for you to hold on
to the uncertainty of this situation.

[narrator]
Some other popular
coping mechanisms don't serve you, either,

like drinking.

When the pandemic started,

alcohol sales skyrocketed in the US,

and in the UK,

and Germany, and Russia,
and Finland, and China.

Drinking may ease the stress
in the moment,

but heavy drinking in the long term
can mess with your body's balance

and make it harder to feel calm.

[Gottlieb] We have a feeling,
we don't want to feel the feeling,

and those things will immediately
obliterate the feeling.

And the problem with that is
that numbness isn't nothingness.

Numbness is being overwhelmed
by too many feelings.

[narrator]
To be calm, you need
to take back control of your feelings.

Something that's really important
in resiliency

is feeling like you have
some type of control in your life,

some type of agency.

And this is the exact thing that has been
torn away from so many of our lives.

[narrator]
We may even be hardwired
to hate uncertainty.

In one study, scientists had people
play a simple game,

while measuring their stress.

Players were shown a rock,

told to guess whether
there was a snake under that rock,

and then to turn it over.

If there was a snake,
they got a small electric shock.

[electricity zapping]

The snakes appeared in a kind of pattern.

Some rocks would always have
a snake under them,

some would never have a snake under them,

and others would have a snake sometimes.

And the surprising thing was,

stress didn't spike when players knew
they were going to get shocked.

It spiked when they weren't sure
whether the shock was coming.

And that's what makes this pandemic
uniquely difficult.

We don't know what shocks are coming,
or when.

Am I gonna go back to my job?
Is everything gonna be normal?

Am I gonna catch it? Am I gonna get sick?

Like, it's a lot of anxiety
you're dealing with.

You're dealing with
maintaining your well-being,

but you also have to deal with
maintaining, like, your lifestyle.

You have to pay rent,
you have to pay bills.

How can you focus?

[narrator]
Which brings us to number three.

Reclaim agency.

Once the world becomes
completely unpredictable,

you have to create somewhat
of a predictable world for yourself.

[narrator]
Even small things can help,

like keeping a schedule.

That gives us a sense of purpose.

"Why am I doing what I'm doing
in this moment?"

And it gives us a sense of value
knowing that we have to get things done,

we have to be somewhere.

But I definitely, even on my days off,

try to keep the routines
of getting up at a set time and

keeping a list of the things
that I want to do

so that it just doesn't feel like
this amorphous day.

[narrator]
It can help to take care of something.

I have my, uh, little gym here,

and my cat.

-You can see my beautiful cat.
-[meows]

Huh? [chuckles]

[narrator]
Or make something.

I just feel, like, more at peace
when I'm, like, designing stuff again.

[narrator]
Before the pandemic,

Ayo had planned
to sell some of his designs,

and in April, he did.

I sold my shirts and
gave % from each shirt to charity,

because although I'm, like, kind of, like,
dealing with my own stuff now,

I can't forget that other people
do still need help.

[narrator]
Helping people engages
our brain's reward system

and makes our levels of cortisol,

one of the main stress hormones, plummet.

Scientists call this sensation
"the helper's high,"

and it doesn't just feel good,
it's good for you.

Really good for you.

One study checked on a group
of older people over several years.

It found that volunteering had
a larger effect on longevity

than exercising four times a week,

and the impact was almost as great
as not smoking.

Which brings us to number four.

Shift the focus away from yourself.

Part of what the pandemic
has brought to us is

a revelation about what was not working
in our society.

[narrator]
A lot of ours stresses
right now aren't individual problems

that we can solve individually.

They're bigger than that.

[Nelson] These include unemployment,
the potential for food insecurity,

whether or not one has access to
healthcare resources and health insurance.

[woman] We stand here with our brothers
and sisters in the public health system.

I think we're learning
that people do need health insurance,

they need to have predictability,

and they need to have a social feeling
that, "Fundamentally, I matter."

[narrator]
If you can't give money,
you can donate your time,

or blood,

or skills.

See what other people
in your neighborhood...

How you can help them.

Like, see how you can help people
in that community.

Don't be afraid of your neighbors
in this time of need.

Like, I think everybody, kind of,
needs to, like, band together

and look out for each other.

At the beginning of March,
I had like, maybe,

Instagram followers,
and I mostly posted about dogs.

[narrator]
But when Fiona got sick,
she started posting about that instead.

When I started getting, like,
this huge influx of followers

and people DM-ing me
asking about my symptoms

and sharing their own experiences,

I decided to start a support group.

And they're from all over the world

and they're in all different stages
in the virus.

And because people are
in different time zones,

you know, it makes it possible

for someone who wakes up in the middle
of the night to always have a friend.

We're wired for connection.
That's who we are. That's our nature.

Our brain is there
to be involved with other people.

[narrator]
Through millions of years of evolution,

we've learned that facing threats alone

was more dangerous than if you had
the backing of a group.

Just like fear is adaptive, so is empathy.

We find ourselves increasingly
in a situation

in which we're trying to, I think,

create, cultivate, imagine different forms
of solidarity and connection.

-Hi!
-Hi!

-Hi, Dad.
-Hi.

I think that : p.m. cheer
is another manifestation of that.

[cheering, pots clanging]

[Kathryn] It may seem silly
that people go outside

and continue to cheer
for essential workers.

But that is just mind-blowing to me.

[horn honking]

Someone posted in the group
this just beautiful message

about how she had realized that...

"My body and I, like,
we fought for our lives and we won.

So I really shouldn't
be pushing myself at all.

All I can do is, like, witness
the next incredible phase of this thing,

which is my body's healing process.

My body knows what to do
'cause it got me this far.

All I can do right now
is kind of let it take the lead."

I swear, I just started sobbing
when I read those words

because it resonated so much with me.

[narrator]
Going through this together

may make for a more compassionate world
on the other side.

After the SARS epidemic in ,

researchers surveyed residents
of Hong Kong,

one of the cities that had been
hardest hit.

Almost two-thirds of them said

they cared more about their family's
feelings than they did before,

and around the same number said

they paid more attention
to their mental health.

There isn't really a line that you need
to cross to go get help.

If you feel like, "You know what?
I'm having trouble functioning

in the way that I normally function,"

go get help.

Therapists can give you tools

to help you cope with stresses,
whatever they are.

[narrator]
Coping is not
one-size-fits-all.

[in Hindi] We work on our garden
every evening.

[narrator]
It's about figuring out
what works for you.

I've been going through my DIY hitlist
I've had for too long,

doing all the jobs that I meant to do.

I made my bed every morning.

You can see right here.

See, it's made today.

Really get dressed and kind of
put myself together in the morning.

I have little goals every day,

to get on the treadmill,
to walk around the apartment.

And if I keep that schedule,
it helps me get through each day.

[Aman]
Organize my Lego collection.
Build some Lego.

[in Brazilian Portuguese] I really enjoyed
making this mask and drawing again.

I have perfected the risotto.

Exercise is a great stress reliever
for me,

so going for runs,
or just long walks if I'm exhausted.

I never want to lose the gratitude,
um, that I had

on that day that I got released
from the hospital and that I walked...

back down my block
and saw my house again.

Sorry. [sniffles]

My family lives in Italy, a lot of them,
and we've been doing a lot of group Zooms,

and we've been singing over them.

That's been, like,
such a source of relief for everyone.

[all singing in Italian]

[Jess laughing]

[narrator]
Which may actually be
particularly soothing.

There are a lot of different things
about music that reduce stress.

One of them is group singing.

[people singing in Italian]

[Levitin] We don't know exactly
what's going on,

but there's some early evidence
that when we sing together,

our brain waves synchronize
with the other people we're singing with,

oxytocin is released,
which helps us to feel bonded to them,

and we've seen the stress hormone levels
drop when people sing together.

[all singing]

That's how we're wired.
What do you do when you have a baby?

[music playing on speaker]

You sing together, you rock together.
That's our nature.

[man singing]

[van der Kolk] That's how we are formed,
that's how we are made.

[narrator]
Stress is there
to help us survive.

[cheers, applause]

[narrator]
Coping is to help us live.

So if it gets overwhelming,
just remember...

-breathe in...
-[deep inhale]

-...breathe out.
-[exhale]

[theme music playing]