01x01 - Lindsay

[bunniefuu]

Did we wake up at the same...

I've been up since four.

I've been thinking a lot about this.

New York is where real writers live.

And I am a real writer.

Why didn't you tell me?

Keep it to yourself, Linds.

- Nice pants.
- Thanks!

- You don't need her.
- Mama's here.

Okay, that's creepy.

I've listened to so many different people

telling me who I should be.

Whoo!

It's time to come home.

I belong in the city.

You've been hit by three cabs.

At very low speeds.

What are you doing?

It's different with Lindsay,
because she's special.

That is... actually very sweet.

All those voices floating in her head,
they don't see what I do.

I am sick of everyone telling me
what I'm supposed to do!

Ooh!

I need to find my own story.

- You're gonna be okay?
- I can handle it.

Hm.

How 'bout... truth or dare?

- Do we have to?
- Yes, Linds.

Just because we weren't invited
to Victoria F.'s boy-girl Frenching party

doesn't mean we can't
have fun tonight, too.

- Truth.
- Your biggest fantasy.

Sexual fantasy.

I'm your best friend.
You can tell me anything.

You wanna have sex
with a 74-year-old man?!

No, that's not what I said!

- He's a widower, Lindsay.
- For crying out loud.

- A-A-And a veteran.
- And now the whole school is talking about it.

Lindsay and Mr. Tucker.

- I said a librarian.
- Not the librarian. A librarian.

Do you know what they're
calling our Lindsay now, Tom?

Two words.

The first one is Tucker.

- The second one rhymes.
- But I didn't do anything wrong!

- I just told Celeste that...
- You don't tell people

those things, Lindsay!

You keep those things up here in your head
where nobody else can see them.

You show people the nice parts.

Because, believe me...
that's all that anybody wants to see.

Did we wake up at the same time?

- Again!
- Again.

I love you.

Ned?!

You won a contest?

The Weetly Short Story Prize.

It's put on by a bookstore
in New York City.

Linds. That's amazing!

Yeah, I, I read about it
a few months ago,

and I just figured, why not?
So, I wrote a story.

What's it about?

Um... it's about a woman

who has never had an orgasm before.

Heavy.

I mean, not my cup of tea,
but still, congrats.

- Yeah, you know, I...
- I used to think I, actually,

wanted to be a writer when I was a kid.

But I... sorta gave it up.

I didn't know that.

You know, the ceremony's in two weeks.

I was thinking we could go.

Next month's a little busy for us.

This is gonna sound crazy,
but... what if we move there?

- To New York?
- Ned, I've been thinking a lot about this.

New York is where real writers live,

and I am starting to think
that, maybe, I am a real writer.

Or I could be.

- But you can write here.
- We have an hour lunch break.

It's more than just that.

Writing this story,
uh, winning this contest,

it, it feels like maybe it's a sign.

A sign? Of what?

Well, a sign that maybe

our relationship needs a new adventure.

You know, s-something different.

Didn't realize you
wanted somethin' different.

Why didn't you tell me?

- Do not say it.
- Careful now.

Keep it to yourself, Linds.

I guess... I just have
all these voices in my head.

- All the time, you know?
- Now you've done it.

And the... voices

they told you not to tell me?

I don't mean,
you know, imaginary friends

or like, "the devil made me do it."

I'm talking about, you know...
Everyone has them.

The voices that say,

"Don't say how you really feel
because people will hate you

if you do that."

And your, your, your mom's voice
or your best friend from sixth grade

who ruined your life
and your enjoyment of the school library.

Oh, wah-wah.

Your history. Your baggage.

All the... noise living inside your head.

You're startin' to scare me.

I know you, Linds, and this,

this isn't you.

I think you need a good night's sleep

and everything will be
better in the morning.

- Did we wake up at the same...
- I've been up since four.

Whoa! PB&J instead of turkey?

I'm sorry. Is it Christmas?

I'm leaving you.

- Don't do this, Linds.
- Come on.

You can't just move to New York City.

This isn't Muppets Take Manhattan.

You need to stop and think this through.

I am not listening to you anymore.

Lindsay, I hate to remind you,
but your great-grandfather Jedediah

was m*rder*d in New York City in 1920.

- Ned is perfect for you.
- He's everything you've ever wanted.

I've spent my whole life
listening to you

and look where it's gotten me.

No more. I'm done.

You can keep following me around forever,

but from now on,
I'm doing what I wanna do.

What am I gonna tell everyone?

Tell 'em I changed my mind.

Thank you... Thank you so much.

As I said on the
telephone, the bedroom isn't huge.

Oh, well, I, I don't need a lotta space,
you know, just enough room to write.

- I'm a writer.
- Yes, you've said that a few times.

Do you have a job?

Not yet. I'm, uh, I'm actually
waiting on some prize money.

You know, it's probably not a ton,
but every little bit counts,

especially since I emptied out
my savings account to move here, so.

Okay, keep going.

Mm.

Mm.

Wow, look at this.

Great bones.

Hm.

'Kay, drum roll, please.

Uh, it's perfect.

And it's, it's huge. It's too big, almost.

Uh, no. This is my bedroom.

That's yours.

Oh.

It's not a closet.

I didn't say it was a...

In case you were thinking it was
just my bedroom closet, it isn't.

- There is a hanger rod.
- That's for decoration.

I love it.

Hi.

Hi, I'm... I'm here for the ceremony.

- Wiccan meet-up is Thursday nights.
- No, no, I... I'm Lindsay.

Lindsay Arthur. The... writer.

The winner
of the Weetly Short Story Prize.

The what?

The Weetly... Short... Story Prize.

See, it says here
that the ceremony is today.

That's the Weekly... Short Story Prize.

That's a typo.

The word "ceremony"... it's ironic.

Here's $15 store credit
for anything you might want.

Congratulations, by the way.

Okay.

Thank you... for this.

Are you hiring?

- Another night on the sofa?
- Long day at the bookstore.

Some prankster thought it would be a laugh

to re-alphabetize Memoirs
by subject matter.

I don't get you.

You've been here for almost a month.

Every day you come back from work
and you put on those little girl pajamas

when you said you came
to New York to write.

- Where's the writing?
- I'm writing. It's just my

laptop died and the...
cord doesn't reach the couch.

Well, if you're just going to spend
your time watching TV... alone,

eating microwave meals for diabetics,
then why are you here?

Whatever.

I'll be at the sort of gross place
on Spring Street

if you decide to not be so lame.

Mm.

I am so glad you gave me
a little tough love tonight.

Yeah, it's... I wanna put myself out there,

but it is scary, you know?

Look at me now.
I'm in a real New York City bar

drinkin' a real New York City...

- I just need you to wait here.
- Guard the door... Let's go.

Whoa, whoa.

One sec, sir.

Are you gonna have

sex

in the bathroom?

Do you even know this guy?

I find it's better not to.

You are exactly the person I wanna be.

No shame, no guilt.

Whatever you hear, don't come in.

Don't come in.

I won't.

Nice pants.

- Thanks. They're new.
- I mean, they're not new.

I've worn them a lot.

I wear them a lot.

Well, it sounds like
they have a very rich history.

Are you waiting for the bathroom?

Actually, my roommate is...

Well, she's having sex
with a stranger in there, actually.

- Yes.
- Wow.

Yeah, should we go next?

Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.
I was trying to be funny.

- That was supposed to be a joke, but I...
- No, no, no. No, it's just, um,

I'm pretty sure
you need to make reservations.

They're sticklers here.

Right... I mean, that does make sense.

You know, you wouldn't want
just anyone waltzing in off the street

- and having intercourse in your restroom.
- No, no. In a place like this,

- you want it to feel exclusive.
- Yeah, absolutely.

I just remembered, actually,
there might be a wait list.

- So, if you wanted to put us down...
- Just in case something were to open up.

Last-minute cancellation.

- Yeah, it happens. You...
- You never know.

- Yeah, you never know.
- Right.

All right. How about this?

I'm gonna use the other bathroom.

Yeah, the one where
your roommate isn't having sex.

And then maybe by the time I'm done,
they'll be done

and you and I could grab a drink?

I'm here with some colleagues, um.

It's a table full of suits.
Ya can't miss us.

Perfect.

Marta?

Just about how long-ish
do you think you're gonna be?

Shots, shots, shots!

- Get in here, Jimmy.
- You, too, random chick.

- Oh, it's, it's Lindsay.
- I-I'm enjoying my Cosmo...

- Get in there, Lindsay.
- Yes. Okay.

- Ahh. Ah.
- It burns so sweet.

Jimmy, random Lindsay.

- Another round.
- Uh, a... We're good, actually.

- Yeah, one more.
- It's...

I'm just gonna sleep a little.

If I start screaming, it's totally normal.

Sorry, we had a pretty major
breakthrough at work today,

so... we're celebrating.

Oh... Where do you work?

- Uh, Winnicott Douglass.
- The investment bank.

Fancy.

Very fancy.

Usually, I'm walking
around with a monocle.

- Hm.
- Yeah.

So, what's it like? Investment banking.

It's intense. It's competitive.

That's what I like about it,
though, you know?

It's all on you.

- If you don't k*ll, you don't eat.
- Mm, I hear that.

Yeah. What about you? What do you do?

Uh... I'm a writer.

Really?

What kind of writing?

- Fiction... Novels, mainly.
- I'm a... novelist.

Yeah, are you familiar
with the Weekly, uh, the Weetly Prize?

I don't think I've ever actually met
a real-life novelist before.

Well... here I am.

- Leather pants and all.
- Plastic.

Forgive me.

We'll see.

Ew!

I'm okay.

- Do you wanna get outta here?
- I know a place.

- Yes, I do.
- Okay.

Whoa.

You work here?

- Yeah.
- Oh... wow.

Is that the Brooklyn Bridge?

That's it.

Wow. You wonder h-how did they
even... build something like that?

Well,

it took 14 years.

Yeah.

It was the longest suspension bridge
in the world when it opened.

- Are you some kind of...
- amateur bridge historian

or... is this all part
of your seduction protocol?

Can't it be both?

What else do you know?

- About the Brooklyn Bridge?
- Hm.

It wasn't officially named
that until 1915.

- Fascinating.
- Mm-hm.

What else?

The guy who designed it,

when he went to pick out the spot for it,
he was standing on a dock.

A boat came,

crushed his foot.

He had to have his toes amputated.

Why would you tell me that?

You asked me what else I knew.

Poor, poor man.

Well, then, after the amputation,

he insisted on this thing
called water therapy.

Did it work?

Oh, no. He, he died
a few weeks later from the infection.

- I'm sorry.
- I d... I don't know why I'm...

- I don't either. It's, um...
- It's... It is not funny.

- No, it's really not.
- It is horrible.

It's terrible.

Where'd you go?

No, I was just...

Nowhere.

You don't have to listen
to them, you know?

Listen to who?

All the... noise... in your head.

I've started to realize recently

it's... not always the truth.

Never mind. Sorry.
I don't know... what I'm saying.

I'm just... Just ignore me.

I... I'm just really drunk,
so, yeah, sorry.

Sure, yeah.

Actually,

I'm not... drunk... at all.

And, and I am trying to apologize less
and say what I want more.

And... right now
what I really want is to kiss you.

So,

would that be okay?

Yes.

That would be...

Yeah.

Plastic really doesn't stretch, does it?

- These things can't be comfortable.
- They're really not.

Oh... yeah.

Oh, my God... Oh.

God.

Oh God.

Oh, my God.

Oh... Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

sh*t.

Um.

I, I should go. Um, this was...

I'm sorry.

- Be honest...
- How hard were you pulling it?

- What the f*ck was that?
- She did it on purpose.

- You're such a little b*tch.
- Talking about noises in your head.

You were right there.

What kind of sick mind games
is she playing with my baby?

- You're weak.
- You're pathetic.

- You're perfect.
- Shut up.