01x07 - English, Do You Speak It?

[bunniefuu]

Things have been a little
tense between Alex and I.

Look I understand Randall's from a different
generation and it's no surprise that older

people are stuck in their ways and
don't want to change the way they act.

I know Alex is younger and sees things differently
but i have one thing over him, experience.

He can call it whatever he wants but times
change and people have to change with them.

[Alex] You want to talk about it?
[Randall] I really don't have

much to say about it so...
Because you know you're wrong

All right you want to talk
about let's talk about it all

[Randall] Michael Keaton & [Alex] Christian Bale
IS THE BEST BATMAN OF ALL TIME!

[Alex] what are you talking about? He went
against Danny Devito, who couldn't kick his a*s?

[Randall] oh so who was Christian
Bale fighting? Crime or throat cancer?



- Randall mumbles raspy sounds-
Okay, I woke up early in the

morning every Saturday morning to
watch Adam West, I'm a true fan!

I always thought Adam west was just the
mayor on family guy I found out he was

actually the original batman
in 1966. How old is Randall?

Nah, I'm telling you man he went up
against a much better joker, Heath Ledger.

[Randall] okay okay kudos whatever
I'm not saying that Christian Bale

is a bad batman, okay? I'm just saying
that Michael Keaton is the BEST Batman.

[Alex] no
[Randall] no no I'm a true fan, I'm a true fan,

it's true to the comics it's true to the comics
all right that was the first movie I saw when I

was going to the drive-in theater and I first got
my driver's license. what are you talking about?

I don't know if he's 25 or 50.

I still think Ben Affleck was pretty dope.

Being that do you mind
taking your 10-minute break?

Suppose that I could.



Please.

[Randall] We had a call about a gentleman
they said he didn't know what the issue was

may have been a bad connection

Oh boy check out tiny Tim

[Liam speaking c*ck slang]????? sent around
you rental bobbies took your time eh,???? of

a pint before this?
[Randall] so we we

told you have a problem or situation?
[Liam] Yeah mate, I brought myself here

from the uk thinking i've escaped from all
the pikeys in the hippies so I'm in my own

rat watching unintelligible see these couple of
hippies nicking things out in my garden??????

[Alex] It's not?
[Randall] Yeeeeeah

um can you give us a moment i need to
talk to my partner. Just one second.

Alright then??????? I ain't got all day

Yeah.

So Randall, what does he want?

I have no clue.
I think he said he's looking for

a cat named hippie because it chased after a rat
and mouse. so we should look for a cat, yeah?

No, no, no I think he's doing traditional British
rhyming so what it sounds like it means maybe

rat and mouse means...house?
How do you know?

I don't okay I think most slang is worthless
it's almost as worthless as saying that

you know Christian Bale is
better than Michael Keaton

You're worthless okay you
don't know a good cinema!

OY! you lad's gonna give each other a
wank while you're standing there, ey?

Look you boys are nice lads i just need you to
tell them hippies stop coming nicking things

from out me??? this ain't no bloody???
coming here to get all their???? you know

what I'm saying, mate?
Right, that's bad?

Yeah.
good.

??
bad.

You know my family has some
british in it actually.

Oh yeah????? you remind me of
a lad back home yeah poorly got

fiddled by the priest it was a right
??? -unintelligible- in the church.

You ever been to Essex?
oh okay you know what I'm gonna

need you to... can you give me some information
so I can kind of like get more on the situation?

I'm thinking I've said it all, mate.

Mhm.

Okay oh we got enough.

Yeah, cheers lads I mean I don't want to
cause no trouble, just can't -unintelligible-

Yeah right yeah all right.

Cheerios

The [__] you talking about cereal for?

uh uh we're well we'll be back with more
updates yeah we're going to fix this for

you sir, okay?
Bomboclaat.

Okay...so where did you get your notes?
If you think I understood anything he

said... you're crazy. Nothing.
I'm telling you...he's looking

for a cat named hippie.
Look what we're gonna do

is we're gonna patrol the neighborhood, okay?
We're gonna gather some clues to see if we can

find anything, okay and then we're gonna talk to
some people to see if they had any interactions

with this guy. All right?
That's a plan.

Was he saying that I looked like a church
boy who got touched by a priest...-?

Either way I gotta find this guy's cat.

[Woke Boys] FE-MAN-IST, FE-MAN-IST, FE-MAN-IST

[Alex] Oh good lord.
Connor: If it isn't

the male patriarchal society. Hi, you
guys come to spread your male toxicity?

[Randall] We don't have time for this
all right I was calling because we have

a residence that has a problem with...
[Alex] It's uh...-it's...-it...-it's

[Randall] Well look we just want to know if
you're willing to give up some information

you know have you guys had an altercation with
a British man from up the street named uh Liam?

[Alex] Have you seen his cat named hippie?
[Randall] Ignore that.

[Derrick] Even if we did have any info we
wouldn't share it with you because of your

toxic male genes.
[Connor] yeah you'd

probably use it to start a w*r or something
[Derrick] Or take away health care rights from

pregnant female CEOs
Yep.

I think you guys are overestimating
the power we have as security guards.

Well i wouldn't put it past
you too men cannot be trusted.

I don't know if you guys remember
this but you guys are guys.

Yes two dicks on the sidewalk.

We are guys with our eyes on the prize
society can't move forward until men

move backward. We are feminists but
we make sure we keep "the man" small.

Wow, that's amazing because you
even spelled it wrong still.

Yeah um we know but we do it we know we
care. What have you guys done for women?

Well i didn't waste my morning creating
signs that don't make any sense...

yours says stop stop harassing women
that's a double negative. Yeah, stop it.

No, does that mean start harassing them?
Stop harassing them.

Stop harassing women and this is men for #metoo.

That just takes away from the entire
#metoo movement, it's about women, okay?

What have you actually done? I respect
women okay you guys don't come close to it.

How so?

I'm pro-choice, okay and
I choose to respect women.

Oh yeah, I wouldn't even go to history class in
high school because I wanted to be her-story.

I legally tried to change my name to janessa.
Caitlyn Jenner is my hero. I exclusively eat at

arby's because their sandwiches look like a [__]
I literally have only watched the

view for the last 13 years.
Wow, I only watched the bachelorette

because the woman is the prize. Ironically,
I watched the bachelor for the same reason.

I respect women so much I
only [__] from the bottom.

Okay yeah I would never overpower somebody,
only you on top, you power you [__] me.

I never even had a dad, biologically.
Wow, I've been apologizing to my mom since

I came out of her. I'm so sorry.
I was made with two eggs.

Wow, okay all right I don't even,
iIonly watch g*y porn because i

don't want to see a woman objectified like that.
Well my d*ck's so small it looks like a clitoris

I eat that [__] right now right now
right now, right now.

Okay! okay! All right this is extreme. Look if
you have any information on what we would.....

[Woke Boys] Stop, Stop, Harassing Women.
Men for me too stop me too men for me too

[Alex] We'll be back, this ain't over.

After combing the neighborhood we were unable
to find anybody that knew anything about Liam's

"situation".

We also couldn't find anybody
who could understand him.

So what are you gonna tell him?
The truth. Can't help what we can't understand

him if we can't understand him.
It just feels rude.

Okay, it could be something serious I'd
rather spare him to trouble than his feelings.

You know we tried...I haven't found a
cat. His tags said Felix, it's not Hippie.

[Liam] OY! Come here,???????
wankers off me property.

[Randall] What are you two doing here?
[Theo] There's a great garden we like cultivate

by urban foraging for our essential oils.
[Carrie] We love your garden, sir.

I told you if he's this ain't
no bloody shop, it's me rat.

You can't be nicking stuff at me garden.

[Carrie] Your accent is so cute!
[Theo] It sounds like a fairy tale.

See lads, these are once causing
the???????????????? I'm gonna

call the real coppers, oye!
[Randall] You two you know you

can't be on somebody else's property now if
you do it again we're gonna have to report

you to H.O.A. and have you fined.
[Carrie] okay you can't own mother

Earth...if it grows it belongs to everyone.
[Theo] Yeah mother guy, is gift to us all.

[Alex] Well, we can call the real cops
and tell them that you're trespassing.

[Liam] Yeah you like trespassing
[Carrie] You can't trespass on land

that's stolen. Call the cops, we don't care!
[Theo] Actually, baby...uh maybe we don't

want the cops snooping around..... you know
due to our not so legitimate hem...-business.

[Carrie] okay we won't do it again sorry.
[Randall] Okay yeah, drop the

basket get out of here.
[Carrie & Theo] oh okay yeah

[Randall] Quicker, thank you.
[Carrie] Still love your voice!

We swing by the way.
[Theo] Call us, bro

oh.
Thanks for your help lads.

No problem.
Yeah, well glad we can help you okay?

All right so we're gonna get on out of here...
[Alex] You know they sell weed

right like 100 percent?
[Deborah] Hey Randall... Alex.

I see you've met Liam...
[Liam] Right darling.

Isn't he amazing?
He's great.

Miss Deborah you you know this gentleman?
You could say that, yeah.

I'm shagging this bird, she might not look
it, but she's got a lovely fife on her boys.

Fife?
Oh yeah fife and drum... bum...as in arse.

Oh okay okay yeah thank
you we're glad we can help.

[Deborah] Liam we can watch
your favorite batman movie

while I make dinner.
[Liam] Batmaaaaan.

[Alex] Mr Liam, question who would
you say your favorite Batman is?

[Liam] oh there's only one man
for me, boys... that would be

Mr Val Killmer

All right I'm done.

Glad we can help you, thank you, sir.

Thanks again, lads.

[Deborah] oh by the way Liam I
bought some cat food, for hippie

[Alex] I [__] knew it there
was always a cat, Randall!

[Randall] Honestly, I don't know if we did what
we were set out to do but Mr Liam was happy

so...mission accomplished.

[Alex] who the [__] is Val Killmer?