05x08 - Cuckoo Chicks

[bunniefuu]

[♪ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[OLIVER PUTNAM]
I got an offer on my place.

We could start over, find our style
as a couple. [CHUCKLES]

[OLIVER] If I move, how do I know
I'll be happy there?

Sounds like our mothers
had a few things in common.

- Tell me more.
- Let's just say she did a number on me.

My husband ran a few
businesses in the Arconia,

and Lester worked for him.

Lester didn't wanna tell me
much about what he did.

He didn't feel good about the job.

But you think somebody
k*lled my husband?

- Yeah.
- Could I take you out to dinner?

I have no evidence
that you're actually a good guy.

We're just a bunch of rich people
hashing out a bet.

The same one we were trying to settle

the last time we were
in that gaming parlor.

[SEBASTIAN "BASH" STEED]
The night your doorman died,

we played for a very big contract.

One of you is planning to build
New York City's first casino.

I think I'll start renovations

with... Oliver's apartment.

What are you talking about?

That offer on your place was from me.

I'm the one buying up
all the apartments here.

You're turning The Arconia
into a casino?

[♪ "O FORTUNA - CARMINA BURANA"
BY CARL ORFF PLAYING]

[GAMBLER] All in.

[LORRAINE "RAINEY" COLUCA]
For thousands of years,

men have sung about luck being a lady.

[♪ "O FORTUNA - CARMINA
BURANA" CONTINUES]

In Carmina Burana,
Carl Orff obsesses over Fortuna,

- the goddess of fortune.
- [DICE RATTLING]

Frank Sinatra prayed
for luck to be a lady,

but still worried she'd go
"blow on some other guy's dice."

Men love to blame anything in their life

- that they can't control...
- [MAN WHISTLING]

...their bad luck, on ladies.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

[NICKY CACCIMELIO] Listen, you animals,
next round is on me, alright?

- [ALL CHEERING]
- Ah! As long as the scotch

isn't old enough to
be kissed, or drafted.

[LAUGHTER]

Uh-oh.

Queen of Decor has noticed
my cracked leather.

Worst day of my life.

- Adds character.
- [CHUCKLES] You're just being sweet.

Ah, this place has seen better days.

Hey, get lost.

I know what she likes.

- Interested in a makeover?
- What are you thinking?

Uh, bangs or a shag?

For the casino, you goof.

[LIQUOR POURING]

I could help. Give it a woman's touch.

Ooh, what about this idea?

Let me host a private
Ladies' Night in here.

Once a month.

A night without cigars...

or loud men hitting on us.

[♪ SWANKY MUSIC PLAYING IN CASINO]

[CLICKING TONGUE]

Done.

I love ladies.

But don't worry, I never hit on 'em
unless they want me to.

- And if they want you to?
- [SHAKER BANGING]

Well, then, I make 'em a drink.

[SHAKER RATTLING]

[♪ INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

We have to move out
because of a casino?!

Do you remember what I had to do
to hold onto my apartment?

I burned a man.

I set fire to a dear friend!

- Plus, I bought a Peloton.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR]

- Hey!
- Hi!

[GASPS] Look at this cute place.

Oh my gosh, THĒ!

Oh, I'm taking a dance cardio class,

and we're using
one of your songs for a routine.

- [THĒ CHUCKLES]
- I would show it to you,

but it's got a lot of thrusting.

It's not appropriate for a lady.

Unnecessary.

[GASPS] Mabitita, my new old friend,

I got you and however many
plus-ones you want

tickets to a party tonight.

I'd totally come with,
but we both know I'd just get drunk,

and tomorrow I'm in a music video

where I have to operate
heavy machinery, so...

Thank you so much.
I just... I have a lot of case stuff.

No, chica, this is case stuff.

It's an impossible invite to get.

It's a Ladies' Night
for important ladies like moi,

and it's literally in the building.

You get in through like...
like a closet or something,

sort of like a speakeasy. Ooh-la-la.

What?

But Nicky's dead.

Wait, who's throwing this party?

That brings me to interesting
"detalio numéro deux."

- It's thrown by Camila White.
- [MABEL AND VINCE GASP]

- [THĒ AND VINCE GASP]
- Oh, my gosh.

- [GASPS] I love you now, THĒ!
- Oh! Ah!

Well, then, that makes everybody.

He's cute! Let's keep him.

[♪ LIVELY THEME SONG PLAYING]

[♪ THEME SONG CONCLUDES]

[♪ LIGHT PLUCKY MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOLLY WHEELS RATTLING]

Okay, so the Arconia has 165 units.

Camila owns 82.

Okay, so, uh, one half of that is...
You got one and zero and...

Wait, there's a decimal, so...

- Uh, Camila currently owns...
- Forty-nine percent!

I can... I can't believe how close I was
to selling to Camila.

A lot of people sold.
And now she only needs...

One more apartment, and she'll own
f-f-f... 51% of the building.

Okay, stop doing math.
We have to save our home.

What are we gonna do?

What am I gonna do?
Loretta wants to move.

She's made an impossible amount

of Pinterest boards for our future home

during her seemingly endless delay
at the airport.

She's still at the airport?

Loretta is coping
with having lost everything in a fire.

And if I tell her
I don't want to start over,

she's gonna feel forced into a home
that she didn't want

for the rest of our marriage,

and I'm getting a divorce.

Well, if we lose the building,
you don't have to worry about that.

Is anyone else thinking of selling?

- I'll dig around.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Guys!

Camila is throwing a Ladies' Night
in the gaming parlor.

- Ladies' Night! Perfect!
- We're saved!

I'm sorry, why is this perfect?

[OLIVER LAUGHING]

Mabel doesn't understand
the power of Ladies' Night,

- 'cause she doesn't have any lady friends.
- I'll explain it to her.

See, when the ladies get together

without the gentleman,
they start yappin'.

See, a bunch of hens,
they drink and they talk about boys.

Yap, yap, yap, yap,
yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.

And you'll connect with Camila
on a new level.

- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- A female level.

She'll tell you everything.

- Does it... work that way?
- [MABEL MORA] No.

Also, how did we get this invite?

Oh, right, from my lady friend.

[LAUGHING]
You should bring a party favor.

Matching personalized necklaces.

- Yeah, I'll bring some tampons.
- Mabel, please don't swear.

I really thought we had made
more progress than this.

[SIGHS FORCEFULLY]
If only you two were ladies.

Oh, not to worry.

We don't have to Tootsie.

I got this.

- Tootsie is a movie where a guy...
- I don't care.

[OLIVER] [ON PHONE] Hey,
baby, are you still at terminal two?

[CHUCKLING] Uh, yeah.

Well, I lost my sense of self
in Hudson News,

what seems like three years ago.

But, uh, yeah, my body
is still in the airport, so...

- Which brings me, uh, to a request.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]

Might you delay your return
to New Zealand by one day?

Um, Mabel's been invited to
a murderous billionaire's Ladies' Night.

[LAUGHING] Mabel doesn't know

- the first thing about Ladies' Night.
- [OVER PA] You're attention please.

All international flights

- have been canceled.
- Oh, my God.

Now, they've canceled all...

They canceled
all the international flights.

So yeah, I'm on my way, okay?

What if we come at this
from two directions?

Charles and I save the building
by going door-to-door,

convincing people not to sell.

And the ladies get Camila gabbing
about m*rder on Ladies' Night.

Charles, an extremely rich
and violent woman

is not gonna just start "gabbing"
with me because we're both women.

Fair point.

But what if, as they say,

you "rosé all day" her?

Okay, that was sexist.

But, what if you bring a glam squad?

[LAUGHING] Women love to talk
to their manicurists.

- [FRONT DOOR OPENS]
- Happens every time I go to my manicurist.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [LORETTA DURKIN] Look who I found.

- [LORETTA CHUCKLES]
- [OLIVER] Whoa! What is this duo?

- What's up, ladies?
- [LAUGHING] Is this great or what?

I haven't seen her since
she arrested me for m*rder.

My plane is canceled.
Her plane is canceled.

- And I told her all about the thing.
- Mwah!

The plan, and the Ladies' Night,
and everything.

And she said she wanted to come

- and help save the Arconia.
- Really?

No, I wanted to go
on my f*cking vacation.

Do you know I'm supposed
to be in Cabo right now

with my lady and my baby?

This would've been
the first f*ck' time

that we would've had a chance
to get away

since that little sh*t was born,
and I would've finally got a massage.

So, you two are joining Ladies' Night?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Because I'll be damned if I get a call
talkin' 'bout, "Oh, my God,

I couldn't get a
confession. I f*cked up."

So, I just said, you know what,
f*ck it, I'ma be here myself

and do what we need to do.

Plus, I do know my way
around a card table.

What? That's a new twist.

Oh, yeah.
I worked at this busted-out joint

and I learned how to cold deck.

- Cold deck? What is that?
- Oh, yeah. Don't even worry about it,

let me do my job.
So, this is what we're gonna do.

I am gonna get Camila to get
on this, like, losing streak, right?

And then, we will get that confession.

How will losing get her to confess?

It'll rattle her. Put her on tilt.

- Right.
- What's tilt?

Tilt is the emotionally unstable state

a gambler enters
after a losing streak.

They make bad decisions,
like talking too much.

[SIGHS] Well, I support a plan
that involves something

other than us all just having a uterus.

I'm learning here that you're
a card guy. Is that right?

Yeah. When I was a kid, my mother
would throw card games,

and I was good at magic
and sleight of hand.

So, she'd have me deal,
and I'd help her cheat.

You never mentioned you did magic.

- Was that because it's embarrassing?
- [GROANING] Yeah.

[GASPING]

[FAKE SNEEZING]

- So, yes.
- Ah.

Uh, so those nights I helped my mom win,

I think that was probably the only time

she ever showed
me... any real affection.

[SNAPPING] Boom, there it is.
[CHUCKLES]

There is your addiction-to-sexy-villains
origin story.

- Yes.
- See, you had a shady-a*s mom

who only gave you love
when you helped her cheat.

- Ah.
- So, love only felt like love

when it was, you know,
coming from a criminal.

Oh, my God.

I think that's right.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, that's right.

Have you not been to a therapist?

Yeah, once.

Waste of time.

He said,
"You only hear things you want."

And then he told me a bunch of stuff
I didn't even wanna hear.

[CLAPPING]
Alright, let's get crack-a-lackin'.

So, this is what we gonna do.

Mora, you got
the most difficult job of all.

I am gonna deal you winning hands,
and you... are gonna have to smile.

Nothing makes a loser crazier
than everybody else happy and winning.

Mabel, but let's see that smile.

- [LORETTA] Ooh. Uh...
- [OLIVER] Mm.

Less teeth.

Okay, if that doesn't work,
I have another idea

for how to get Camila to confess.

What if I talk to ghosts?

Uh-huh...?

Um, say more about that.

Well, I've told you
about my talents as a medium.

You sure haven't.

Surely, you know about
my first New York roommate,

Celerie Whisp.

I... I sure don't. [CHUCKLES]

Celerie.

Celerie was a psychic

who worked out of our studio apartment.

So, I absorbed a lot.

And she told me that m-my natural...
[SIGHS]

...intuition as an actor

was so good, that I too have the gift.

- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- Oh.

But I've never used it.
Anyway, I was at the airport...

- Uh-huh?
- ...and I saw this magazine about Camila.

And it turns out she is woo-woo
to the point of cuckoo!

"But... But you aren't,"
he asks, with interest?

- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- Oh, you.

Camila believes
that she is the reincarnation

of her great-grandmother,
an aristocrat

brought by her pioneer husband
to Nevada during the Gold Rush.

Oh, I read about this.
It's why she wears the gloves.

It's her, uh, grandmother's
signature accessory.

Yes! Yes.

So, what if I just...

[WITH EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT]
...channeled the spirits?

Certainly, they can get her to talk.

[HISSING] [IN NORMAL VOICE] You know?

Wow, we... we... We really didn't
know each other that well

- before we got married, did we? [CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHING] I know.

- Fun, right?
- Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Okay, we'll Scooby-Doo it.
Boys upstairs, girls down.

I really hope this works, because a

lot of people are
gonna lose their homes

without a plan for a second chapter
like we have.

We are so lucky.

- [LAUGHING]
- [OLIVER] Mm.

[DETECTIVE DONNA WILLIAMS]
Okay, ladies, come on.

It's time to go to Nasty Gal,
time to dress these t*ts.

Mm. Come on, boys.

[♪ "LADIES' NIGHT"
BY KOOL AND THE g*ng PLAYING]

♪ Oh yes, it's Ladies' Night
and the feeling's right ♪

♪ Oh yes, it's Ladies' Night,
oh, what a night ♪

- [♪ MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]
- Rainey!

- [RAINEY SOBBING]
- Hey. Hi, Rainey.

- Uh, guys, this is Rainey, Lester's wife.
- [LORETTA] Hi!

- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

Well, truthfully, I... I haven't slept
since you told me

my husband was m*rder*d,
and I just wanna help.

Perfect. Perfect!

Because we're on our way
to confront your husband's m*rder*r

- right now!
- [DET. WILLIAMS] No. No, no, no, no, no.

All we know is that
she was there that night

and pulled a g*n on us

because she wants to turn
our home into a casino.

So, she's not not violent, but I...

- I'm coming.
- No, ma'am. No.

If this woman was there
the night my husband was k*lled...

I wanna be there
when she explains herself.

Right.

Ugh. [EXHALES SHARPLY] O-Okay.

Um... but we have to stay
under the radar.

- [DET. WILLIAMS] Yeah. Mm-mm.
- We are just some ladies at a game night.

Ah, listen. Here, put this on.

- [RAINEY] Oh.
- [CHUCKLES] This will make you sparkly.

- Okay.
- You missed our ladies' shopping montage.

- Oh!
- [LORETTA] So fun.

Okay, you guys, I just... L-Let's

just be really, really
clear here, okay?

- So, it's Ladies' Night, right?
- [MABEL] Mm-hmm.

No tears, yes margaritas.

- Alright?
- [LORETTA CHUCKLES]

Do you think you can do that?

Mm.

- Yeah. Okay, okay, let's go.
- Go for it. Yes.

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER AND GIGGLING]

[DEALER]
Hello. Yes, right down those stairs.

[KNOCKING]

The whole floor is empty. It's crazy.

Uh, let's try the next one up.

Of course, if my
"psychic" wife were here,

the spirits could tell us where to go.

[DOGS BARKING]

Okay, be honest.
Did I marry a woo-woo?

- Hey, you're still doing better than me.
- [BARKING CONTINUES]

Oh, Randall says come to the lobby.

Oh, good. Maybe he's got a lead.

Why would I pick women like my mother?

She was a mess.
I've got a broken picker.

Broke my picker once.
Do not date an acrobat.

- [♪ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [DEALER] Alright, ladies. No more bets.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

[DEALER] Seven out. Wanna hit on that?

[CHATTERING CONTINUES]

[EXCITED SQUEALS AND CHEERING]

[RAINEY] Wow. Look at this place.

Look at all these rich people
my husband died taking care of.

- I'm sorry, Rainey, but we need to be fun.
- Okay.

Let's split up so that
if Camila shows up,

she won't know that we're together.

- Where the hell did Williams go?
- Oh, my God. [GASPS]

Oh, my God, there's Jen Aniston. [GASPS]

[SQUEALING] I'm gonna go quick

and go see if she wants
to be on Burn Unit as a sexy arsonist.

What a crack crew.

What do we do
if Williams doesn't show up?

Oh! She showed up!

Alright, ladies,
let's hit 'em and kiss 'em!

The name of the game
is the same as my age, 21!

[♪ UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]

[CROWD CHATTERING AND CHEERING]

Dude. Where did you get the vest?

And where's the real dealer?

Oh, Kristy's in a better place.

- Heaven?!
- Mm-hmm.

So, I decided it might be better
if I just deal, okay?

So, Mora, I need you to remember,

please do not grill this lady
until I've shaken her up, okay?

I don't want her ditching the table.

Remember, big win, celebration, smile.

Oh, hello, Ms. White.

The number of game nights
you people crash.

Well, I was on the list this time.

Are you with her?

No.

No, I'm all alone.

Miss! Uh, margaritas
for these strangers.

So, y'all wanna jack it black?

Fine. I'll take your money

along with your home.

Let's play.

[♪ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[GAMBLERS CHEERING]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[RANDALL] Uh, Mr. Savage, Mr. Putnam?

Uh, Dr. Stanley here also sold
his apartment to Ms. White.

What? So, Camila owns 51%?

Not yet. It's still in escrow.

- Closes tomorrow.
- Which is at midnight tonight.

[SING-SONG] ♪ Unless he reconsiders ♪

You can't sell.

Your apartment will give a billionaire

a majority stake in our beloved Arconia.

Which she is turning into a casino.

- A casino?
- [CHARLES-HADEN SAVAGE] Mm-hmm.

Manhattan will become Atlantic City.

Working people stripped
of their paychecks,

- seedy pawn shops.
- Exactly.

I'm a therapist.

That's a lot of new clients.

But, what about your beloved Arconia?

Eh, it's not really my Arconia anymore.

Most of the people
I was close to have moved out

or were m*rder*d.

- Well, we're still here.
- [RANDALL] Mm.

Say, uh, why don't we all
have a drink at Charles'?

Uh, just us building bros?

Y-Yeah, I've got a
lot to get done, so...

W-W-What if... What if we paid you?

Oliver could definitely
use some therapy.

Me? Charles only dates his mother.

- Yeah!
- Mm. Fun. Disturbing.

Hmm.

How 'bout a little last day two-fer?

There you go.

Alright, place your bets.

[WITH EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT]
Good evening, everyone.

Celerie Whisp,
just in from Des Moines.

[GASPS] And oh my,
I can feel the good fortune

swirling around this table.

Wow. Alright.

[♪ MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHUCKLES HAUGHTILY]

Nice.

- Twenty-one.
- [DET. WILLIAMS] Ooh!

Oh, me too, I got 21!

Mm, tough call, Ms. White.

You bust. [CLEARING THROAT]

Uh, whoo! This is Ladies' Night.

Yay!

[♪ MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]

[DET. WILLIAMS SIGHS] Okay.

[LORETTA CHUCKLES]

- Split 'em.
- Okay.

No, no, I'm sensing
you shouldn't do that.

I can actually feel the cards.

If you ever need my help...

- [SMACKING]
- [LORETTA] Ow!

Listen, let the woman split the Queens.
If she wanna split the Queens,

split the Queens.
You wanna speak the Queens? Okay.

- [DET. WILLIAMS] Ooh... bust.
- [LORETTA] Hmm.

- Should have listened to, um... Hmm.
- Celerie.

- Celerie Whisp.
- [RAINEY] Oh.

I have 21!

I'm so lucky. [CHUCKLES]

Everything about my life is so lucky.
[THROUGH GRITTED TEETH]

[♪ TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Ooh. [TAPPING]

[DET. WILLIAMS] Bust again.

Oh, don't worry about me.

Tonight, I'm a winner,
no matter how much I lose.

I should strangle you
with this jaunty scarf.

Sitting there winning...

while my husband's in the cold ground.

[CLEARING THROAT] We're gonna go.
I think it's time.

Of course she's yours.

Hey. I'm not done with you, toots.

[MABEL] Okay, let's go. We're going.

Poor woman.

Do you know what she was going on about?

[SHAKER RATTLING]

[RATTLING CONTINUES]

No idea.

[DET. WILLIAMS] Place your bets.

[CART WHEELS RATTLING]

[CLOSET DOOR SHUTS]

I'm sorry I couldn't be fun
at Ladies' Night.

Oh, no, it's okay.
It's not really my forte either.

Oh, look.

They cleaned Lester's hat after all.

[SIGHS]

[♪ GENTLE MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

You know what I wish was in here?

His old elevator crank.

Oh, yeah?

I... I assumed you had it.

No.

Okay, well, uh, we'll add it
to the list of things we need to find.

And, hey, if you find a stray finger,

I know a cute possible criminal
who's looking, but...

Mabel, I've never heard you talk
about a boy's finger before.

Who's this?

No. No, no, no, no.

We are in investigating a crime.

I'm not gonna talk about boys
just because it's Ladies' Night.

- Mm?
- But...

[DET. WILLIAMS] Oof.
Bad luck again, Ms. White!

- [♪ LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING IN CASINO]
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]

She's cheating.

- Excuse me?
- What?

She's double-dealing, I saw it.

No wonder you keep losing.

- She's lying.
- She's winning.

Why would she lie?

Get her out of here.

[BOUNCER] Come with me.

[♪ MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

I'm glad to know my luck
hasn't gotten so bad after all.

If I may, if you are open,

I can sometimes be a bridge
between two people

who need to say something to each other.

And I'm feeling that someone
like that for you, here.

- Mm.
- It might be my great-grandmother.

- Mm.
- She's, um... well...

[WHISPERING] She's in me.

Hello, Evangeline. Yes, I see.

But not her.

It's someone different,

a different person.

Perhaps someone who made you...

um, martinis.

[SHAKER RATTLING]

[♪ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

- [CLEAVER THUDS]
- [ECHOED SCREAMING]

Tell me more.

So, who wants to start?

F-First, talk about this move.

Listen, I was thinking of selling,
but... but you don't leave your home

just because it's seen better days.
You fix it.

Mm-hmm. Let's focus on you two.

Uh, Charles, there
was mention of trouble

around your romantic choices.

Would you say that's true
of your current relationship?

- [LAUGHING] Oh, no, not...
- [LAUGHING] No, not... I'm not...

I'm... I'm married to a lady.

- [DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
- A crazy lady.

Hey, yo, Putnam, you need
to check that wife of yours.

Make sure she stay in her lane, alright?

I'm getting sick of all these
weird-a*s European accents.

What happened?
Why are you dressed like a dealer?

Oh, well, uh...

Wait, what's happening?

We're in the middle
of a therapy session.

Would you like to join?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes, I, um,

I think that'll make me feel better.
Uh-huh.

So, where were we?
Charles wanna f*ck his mom.

- [OLIVER SNORTS]
- Okay, proceed from there.

- [♪ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- [CROWD CHATTERING]

[LORETTA] [WITH EASTERN
EUROPEAN ACCENT]

Even though it is so crowded tonight,

yes, I am sensing
so many ghosts in this room.

And yes, there is one here for you.

[SHAKER RATTLING]

There she is, my big winner.

How's your night going, doll?

There's no other man on Earth
who'd get away

- with calling me "doll."
- [CHUCKLES]

Well, he could call me "doll" anytime.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

Nicky, there's something
you deserve to know.

- Bash Steed.
- Hmm.

He's trying to build
New York City's first official casino.

- What?
- Mm-hmm, and then Pflug

got competitive and made his own bid
to impress Daddy.

What, these dickwads,
they play in my game,

push me out of my city?

Over my dead f*ck' body.

It sounds like anyone
who wants to build a casino here

has to get rid of Nicky first.

[CAMILA WHITE]
I have an offer for you.

What if I buy enough of the Arconia

to have a controlling stake?

Would you want to expand?

Build a casino here that kept the spirit
of old New York alive,

with wood, and brass, and dress codes?

The Velvet Room just as it is,
a VIP space forever.

We could do it... together.

Oh, you were sweet on him. Hmm?

You know, this place is my, uh... It's

my... It's my wife's family's legacy.

I... I couldn't sell.

[GASPS] Oh, well...

It sounded like you
and your wife might be...

might be separating.

Well, look, you know,
we're going through

a rough patch, but... but I love her.

You know, they want me in the office.

Can we maybe talk about this later?

- Mm.
- Okay. [PATTING BAR]

[♪ SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

[LINE RINGING]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

I want to start buying
apartments in the Arconia.

All of them.

Every time I would help her win,
she would take me out to eat,

and she would let me get an appetizer.

And she never let anyone
get an appetizer.

And to get something out of my mother
that no one else could?

That was the same feeling
I had when... when Jan

decided to kiss me instead of k*ll me.

Sure. Validation from someone
reluctant to give it is gratifying.

But is it serving you?

And sometimes, Jan did try to k*ll you.

But how does knowing
why I chose these women help me stop?

What romantic relationship
are you jealous of?

Hmm? Now, don't get me wrong.

Jealousy is an underrated emotion.

Sometimes, it is the very thing
that we need to aim for something.

- Well, honestly?
- [DET. WILLIAMS] Hmm.

The relationship I'm most jealous of...

is Oliver and Loretta.

Really?

Even though I know nothing about her,

and I'm afraid to tell her
where I want to live?

Well, that's not the relationship.
That's you being afraid.

I mean, you're basically an insecure

guy, uh, who covers it with bravado.

Ooh, that was very good.

There we go.

- Continue.
- Okay, fine.

I am afraid.

[BREATHING SHAKILY] Oh, Mama.

I'm bad afraid.

Wow.

A-Admitting that, I... I... I do feel
a weight off my shoulders.

I think you should tell Loretta
how you feel.

Look at that.

You're onto something beautiful.

- [CHARLES] Well, think about it, Grover...
- Right?

...will moving actually serve you?

- Well, I think...
- [DET. WILLIAMS] Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

"I feel..."

I feel... [BREATHING HEAVILY]

- ...lonely and, um...
- [DET. WILLIAMS] Yeah.

...insecure that even though it's my job

to connect with people...
[HEAVY BREATH]

...that I don't actually know how.

You don't know how to, no.

And I've been putting this
on the building,

and maybe it's really... on me.

So, in fact,
you selling your place would be...

[SMACKING LIPS] A mistake.

- [WHISPERING] A mistake.
- I'm not going anywhere.

I'm... I'm gonna stay here
with my friends.

- I'm not gonna run!
- [OLIVER LAUGHING]

- We did it!
- There you go, ha ha!

Wait, it's... it...

[GROANING] 12:15.

Escrow's closed.

Wait, so does that mean we're too late?

So, unless the ladies
had better luck...

The Arconia is gone.

[♪ DRAMATIC ORCHESTRA MUSIC PLAYING]

If it's any help, I'm not gonna
charge you for going over.

[CROWD CHATTERING AND CHEERING]

- Ladies' Night!
- [LAUGHTER]

[WITH EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT]
You had feelings for Nicky,

but he was loyal to his wife.

That would enrage anyone,
maybe even make them

do something they regretted.

I didn't think I was this person.

[WHISPERING] You're not a bad person.

You just need to unburden yourself.

[CHATTERING SLOWLY FADES OUT]

And we close on
the last apartment in two weeks.

Nicky?

Where have you been?
The whole city's looking for you.

Yeah, listen, I'm in, okay?

If my wife didn't want me
to f*ck her family legacy,

she shouldn't have f*cked someone else.

[CAMILA] What?
So, a-are you splitting up?

How did you find out?

I... I saw her.

- [GASPS]
- I saw them.

[CAMILA] Who was it?

It was pathetic. [BREATHING HEAVILY]

Now, come on, let's...
Let's go make some money.

[CAMILA] I'll get started.

We are gonna build
the world's most beautiful casino,

and then we're going to toast
with two beautiful martinis.

You just tell me what you want me to do.

I need a private game.

Saturday night.

Just me and Bash and Pflug.

We can do this together.

S-Soon.

[NICKY BREATHING HEAVILY]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[SOFTLY] No.

You almost had everything you wanted.

[CHOKING UP] Yeah.

That f*cking doorman.

- [SNIFFLING]
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Doorman?

What door... [WITH ACCENT] ...doorman?

- [PHONE BUZZING]
- [CAMILA SIGHS]

[INHALES SHARPLY] Oh.

Ladies' Night's over.

I won. Hm.

[♪ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Lester loved it when he got
a glimpse out these windows.

Bird's-eye view.

And now, I get it.

[PHONE BUZZING]

Oliver.

[SCOFFS] God.

Camila got 51%.

- Our building is gone.
- [RAINEY EXHALES SHARPLY]

[SIGHS] We lost our podcast.

We lost this building. I...

[SIGHS]
I feel completely out of control

in every aspect of my life.

I can't stop thinking
about this dumb rich boy

who may have k*lled

or frozen a human.

Well, listen.

If he m*rder*d my husband...

I say don't date him.

That's fair.

But if he didn't...

and I don't think
you'd like him if he did...

then maybe try not to worry
so much about being in control.

Because not one of us,
not one of us is.

Not the poor wife
of the doorman who died,

or the richest, most powerful person
in all the world.

And fighting that...

[SIGHS]

...that's where real misery comes from.

[♪ LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE CLICKING, TEXT WHOOSHING]

Good for you.

- Rainey.
- Yeah?

I... I still think that we can solve
Lester's m*rder.

Would you like to see our box of clues?

Ooh.

I was hoping for a bigger box.

I know, I... I'm so sorry. We're trying.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No.

Look.

Lester's bird whistle.

Hey, baby.

[BIRD WHISTLE CHIRPING]

[♪ GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]

[VINCE FISH] [SINGING TO THĒ'S SONG]
♪ Baby, I know you're so upset ♪

♪ See me in your dreams ♪

♪ Singing this song, it's in your head ♪

♪ When you go to sleep ♪

- [PHONE DINGING, VIBRATING]
- ♪ You wish that you were me ♪

♪ Bet you wish that you were me ♪

- [VOCALIZING]
- [PELOTON WHIRRING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[OLIVER] Mabel! Wonderful timing.

Okay, what happened at Ladies' Night?

We talked about boys.

- [LAUGHING] Yap, yap, yap.
- [OLIVER CHUCKLING]

What are you talking about,
"Yap, yap, yap"?

The whole time during your boys' night,

all you did was talk
about ladies, so please.

Turns out, Detective Williams
is the best therapist I have ever had.

No, it was you. You were ready to hear.

I have been telling you
what's wrong with you

ever since day one.

But on a real note, guys,
I really wanna say

I'm sorry about your home.

H-Hopefully, Loretta's downstairs
eliciting a m*rder confession...

- [FRONT DOOR OPENS]
- ...via spirit, fairy, and the Holy Ghost.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [LORETTA] No.

I didn't get a m*rder confession.

Well, that... that's okay.

- Good try, anyway.
- You did your best.

Listen, she's a tough nut to crack.

But I did find out that Nicky's wife

was having an affair,
which he only just learned about

in the week that he went missing.

Also, Nicky and Camila had partnered up

to, um, turn the Arconia
into New York's first casino.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, and Camila had done that
because she's in love with him.

Um, oh, and Camila said... [MIMICKING
CAMILA] "That f*cking doorman."

So, Lester might not have
been k*lled for what he saw,

but he might have been more involved.

Wait. That's amazing!

- Are you actually psychic?
- [OLIVER] I...

[GIGGLING]

Well, you did it.

And it sounds like I'm gonna have a

sh*t-ton of work to do in the morning.

But you know what? No.
I'm gonna put into practice

what you guys taught me today.

I'm gonna get a big or small lady

to walk on my back
for four hours straight.

- [OLIVER AND CHARLES LAUGHING]
- [DOOR CLOSES]

Oh! [CLEARING THROAT]

And I also found this
in Nicky's office.

Wait. Is that Lester's elevator crank?

[OLIVER] Oh, Jesus.

There's... There's blood.

Did you just find the m*rder weapon?

[INHALES SHARPLY] [WHISPERING] Maybe.

I... I love every new thing
I've learned about you today.

- No notes.
- [CHUCKLES] Tell that to Jen Aniston.

Do you know that she passed
on being an arsonist in our show?

Is she a little bit crazy, you think?

[OLIVER] I went to therapy,

and they're forcing me
to tell you something.

You don't wanna move.

I told you I'm psychic.

Also, you didn't follow me back
on Pinterest.

- I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I...
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

But it doesn't matter.
It's gone anyway.

We'll make a new home.

You're gonna save the day.

You're gonna do it
the same way you always do,

by being smart, and sharp, and...

almost always by mistake.

[CHUCKLING] Yes.

- Yes, yes, yes.
- Aw.

Now, I have to go back to New Zealand

to make fake love to a phony fireman.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

[WHISPERING] Save our home.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

- [KNOCKING CONTINUES]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Breakthrough!
- We figured something out.

I got a notification on my b-b...

Oh, you're here.
I got a notification on my birding app

that Lester's favorite bird
was in the courtyard.

But it was me blowing Lester's whistle

while I smoked ganja at Mabel's.

Yeah.

Oh, it was Ladies' Night, grandpa.

Now, that whistle
activated the bird camera

that Lester and I had set up
that gets turned on by birdsong.

Okay, now it's pointed
right at the fountain.

So, it catches the little buggers

when they come in for a cold beverage.

A camera Bash doesn't control?

And it stores video,

all the way back to the night
my Lester died.

[SOBBING]

- [WATER SOFTLY LAPPING]
- [LORETTA] Can't see anything.

C-Can you make it bigger?

[♪ SOFT MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]

[WATER SPLASHES]

Can you rewind it more
so we can see how he fell in?

No, it only records after birdsong.

I can't believe
he kept blowing that whistle.

He must have been trying to make sure
that the cameras were recording?

He wanted to make sure we saw this.

[RAINEY] Some people
wait their whole lives for luck.

[CHARLES] Wait a second.

[RAINEY] And it never comes.

- [OLIVER GASPS]
- [MABEL] What the...

[LORETTA] When Camila said,
"That f*cking doorman,"

she didn't mean Lester.

[CHARLES] She meant Randall.

[RAINEY] Some people get impatient.

And they do what it takes
to get some luck for themselves.

[♪ "O FORTUNA - CARMINA BURANA"
BY CARL ORFF PLAYING]

[♪ MUSIC SWELLS]

[♪ FANFARE PLAYING]