01x09 - Thimble

[bunniefuu]

All right, g*ng, huddle up.

This is for you guys.

- Oh, we didn't get you anything.

- I did.

Just a few little things I thought

you could use and then some fun stuff.

- Sorry she's such a rotten friend.

- It's not a present, it's a job.

You're on promo display.

I need you to put this together.

I see that now,

and admit sometimes I use lying

as a survival technique.

Hmm.

- Oh, someone has plans tonight.

- Gosh, are you running for comptroller?

They're converting the store

to an H&R Block

and she's gonna be the new boss.

Ha ha. But no.

This is for a job interview.

I'm up for head of communications

at Round-The-Clock Car Rental.

This special guy deserved a change.

- You're a special guy?

- Oh, it's an inside joke.

- Timmy gets it.

- Yeah. Special Guy Day.

It's just you made fun of it so hard,

I never figured it would become

one of your go-to phrases.

Like "Hammer time"

or "live, laugh, laugh."

Plus, I didn't realize your résumé

was getting any bites.

Ooh! Nice card stock.

Smooth as a glass bottom boat.

Thank you.

Decided to give the old CV

a bit of a facelift

and then got 50 printed out

before realizing most employers

prefer them electronically.

Background in marketing?

- Bookkeeper?

- Oh! Director of Global Sales.

You've never done any of this.

For your information, back in 2015,

I had my own business.

And before I realized

it was a pyramid scheme,

I technically

was Director of Global Sales.

I had to ship one box

of essential oils to Canada.

Okay, fine, I padded it a bit,

but there's only one word

on this résumé that matters.

"Harvard."

Well, that'll do it.

Congrats. Glad it got you an interview.

Second interview.

I met the hiring manager

and have a meeting with the owner,

which is a formality,

and I hear that they usually

offer the job in the room, so

if I don't come back,

I haven't been kidnapped,

I've just entered

my Beyoncé-gone-solo era.

Oh, you're way too old to be kidnapped.

It would be one thing

if you had money or were beautiful.

You're pretty, sure,

but at your age you gotta be an 11

to catch a kidnapper's interest.

I'm gonna go hang my suit.

Sno-Caps next to the Doritos?

No. Sno-Caps go next to the Goobers

and Sugar Babies.

You want customers to feel like

they're at the movies, not a truck stop.

- Here's the damage.

- So, Donna,

I meant to tell you,

I'm tied up with bank fees,

but I'll pay you next week.

- Next week.

- Yeah.

Honey. There's a solar storm coming.

There may not be a next week.

- Mark. Box them up.

- Yeah. Uh-huh.

- Not today. Please.

- Come on.

- Still got five cigarette shops to get to.

- I'm sorry.

It'll take a lot more than "I'm sorry"

to save this marriage.

Could you give me a hand, sweetie?

No. Okay. I'm fine.

I got it.

Okay, so the display we're

building is for Thimble 2: Thumb Wars,

which is the delightful tale

of a country thimble, Emma Stone,

in the big city, Billy Porter,

looking for her dream thumb.

So, Billy Porter plays the city.

You stick your thumb in

and it talks and lights up.

I thought the display

would be a life-size cutout.

What we're looking at

is what we in the business

refer to as a giant puzzle.

Lucky for you, you're working

with Connie Serrano, puzzle queen, PhD.

Wow, didn't realize I was in the presence

of a queen and a doctor.

My mom said I came out of the womb

with a keen eye and a puzzler's thumb.

The key is organization and process.

As long as all the pieces stay organized

Whoa, that came out of nowhere.

It's a stationary object

that you walked into.

Hey, jelly bean. I got your favorite.

Mango surprise smoothie.

The surprise is frozen mangos.

I don't have time for a smoothie.

What? It's the perfect on-the-go meal.

Even if you lose your straw,

you take a tortilla chip and scoop it out.

That's how your dad invented mango salsa.

Uh-huh.

- Ugh.

- Oh.

Are smoothies canceled?

Did Gary at Smoothie Sips

get caught up in another

animals-riding-unicycles scandal?

Again? Those poor raccoons.

Those raccoons get paid in smoothies.

That's a sweet gig.

Oh, well, two for me.

Does Kayla seem more "Kayla" to you?

Maybe she's vibing.

That's a word I've seen on the Internet.

- Timmy.

- Hey.

Bag of Doritos and a box of Sno-Caps.

That sounds good.

Okay, so the thing is, you know

how we usually have snacks to sell you?

Today is a little different

in that we have no snacks to sell you.

Wow, and you call this place a restaurant?

Looks like my dad's making lunch.

- Come on.

- Wait a sec.

I just remembered,

we got a shipment of candy

I think you'll love. Okay.

Don't go anywhere.

- Carlos?

- Yeah.

- Where's the Thimble 2 promo candy?

- Oh, over there.

I don't think

they put much thought into these.

It's a kids movie

but these look like severed fingers.

Looks like the remnants

of a sewing machine expl*si*n.

I'll sell them.

These are supposed to be free

when people rent Thimble 2.

Isn't selling promos against policy?

Corporate store policy.

I'm in charge now, I've got solutions.

Even if I'm losing my best employee

to a car rental place.

Carlos, you are also my best employee.

There can be two bests.

I am aware of your feelings towards Eliza.

Feelings? What feelings?

I'm with Lena now.

We haven't really defined things.

I'd love it if she was my girlfriend.

Wait, is that something

people say at my age?

Not looking to open this door.

Where's Eliza?

Sorry. I didn't ask.

I was trying to do relaxation exercises

and didn't realize

you have to breathe so loud.

It's fine. Figured you didn't eat.

Thanks.

Is that The Rock carved

into a macadamia nut?

Yep. Found promo candy.

It's a Jumanji 2 jungle vine.

Nuts and oats around a fruit jelly center.

You'll love it. It's a healthy Nerds Rope.

How long will it take my new boss

to learn my favorite treats?

Fast. You're very vocal.

I can't imagine Blockbuster without you,

but moving on is important.

Yeah.

I bet Aaron's excited.

You can flag any Mercedes rental

as a future condo buyer.

It's not insider trading

if you're married.

He doesn't know.

I tried to tell him,

but he was really amped

about some DraftKings thing

and I couldn't get a word in.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

I bet when you do tell him,

he'll be more excited for you than I am.

So excited you'll be like,

"Aaron, you are too excited.

Are you on cocaine?"

I better get back to work.

Do you mind shutting the door?

I wanna practice a story

about how I dealt with conflict

in the workplace.

- Sure.

- Thanks.

Okay. Listen.

It doesn't matter if it's puzzles,

dollar bills or laundry.

- First thing is, you gotta sort.

- But the pieces are all gray.

Lord, I know you reserve

the greatest challenges

for your strongest puzzlers

- Ugh. Why is it so noisy?

- If you're not working, why not go home?

My annoying mom is there

and she's obsessed with me.

Like, "How was your day?"

And commenting on my TikToks

with the star-eyed emoji.

That's the most obsessive emoji.

That's why I've been trying

to find myself an apartment.

Do you guys know if we have a fax machine,

or what a fax machine is?

An apartment? Wow!

I usually reserve this

for purebred show cats

but, hello, miss fancy pants.

Are you sure you're ready?

It's a huge deal to live on your own.

My boys thought they were ready

until they had to wash dishes.

And wash their clothes.

And wash themselves.

This apartment is amazing

and the utilities are included,

except for weekend mail,

which is so annoying.

Why don't you let one of us

go with you to see it?

Yeah, that sounds weird.

All apartments include weekend mail.

That's what Big Postal wants you to think.

I think of Eliza as Blockbuster material,

but I can also see her

as Round-The-Clock Car Rental material,

which I know is saying a lot,

and, sure, she does our accounting,

but honestly

I'd say she's more like our CFO.

I don't know too much

about her essential oils company,

but I do recall it being international.

Look, Eliza's the real deal.

She's the backbone of this place

and I have no idea

how I'll manage without her.

Oh, you just wanted to confirm

she works at Blockbuster?

Yes, I got carried away.

My apologies for wasting your time.

Love you.

- Damn it, I did it again.

- Thanks, Tim.

That was really sweet,

you only sounded mildly deranged.

- I meant every word.

- Even when you told them you love them?

Hard to tell. We really built a rapport

over the course of that call.

- Hmm.

- Anyway, good luck.

I'll need it if I ever wanna

get out of this dump, right?

That's funny because it stings.

Dedicated my life to this dump.

- Sorry, I was joking.

- I know.

So, when are you headlining

TJ Chuckle's Laugh-A-Torium?

Oh, yeah, the fire.

The red wire crosses with the green.

- How long has she been at this?

- Hours.

She even said

she had her puzzle diaper on.

- Tell me that's a joke.

- Stick your thumb in me

- for thumbs of fun.

- Yes.

Stick your thumb in me Stick Stick

Thumbs of fun fun!

I've been watching you struggle.

Do you mind if I take the reins?

Touch my puzzle again,

and I'll kick your lurking a*s

to the Walmart parking lot

you were born in.

All non-Blockbuster employees,

please clear the area.

Hello, kid.

We have these,

some Mystic River licorice rope,

and a few boxes of Soapdish dinner mints.

- Just the Before Sunrise gummies for me.

- I'm tempted to try some.

They really capture

Julie Delpy's likeness.

Oh, hey.

Thought you would be

too busy with Ford Fiestas

to take a victory lap so soon.

- Yeah, I didn't take the job.

- Really?

But you were so ready to move on.

I was. But then I overheard

your glowing reference

and realized

that I am the backbone of this place.

But this seems like

such a good opportunity.

Are you forgetting the block party?

Inventory? You need me.

That company's a well-oiled machine.

Blockbuster is where

I can make the greatest impact.

It's hard to replace the meaningful

and satisfying work I do here.

- Excuse me?

- Yeah.

What's the movie where the weird space bug

with a glowing finger dresses like a lady?

- E.T.

- No. The other one.

- The other one?

- Why do I bother with you dumbasses?

Like I said, meaningful and satisfying.

Gosh, I gave her that reference

to help her get the job.

I didn't expect it to derail her.

She's the backbone of Blockbuster,

but she needs to diversify as a backbone.

I can't be responsible

for her not being someone else's backbone.

What do I do?

I don't know,

what do they do in the movies?

What's the opposite of going to an airport

to stop someone from leaving?

Oh! Kicking you out of the house,

saying "Eric, stop smoking so much weed.

Go get your job back at Ernst & Young."

I need help convincing her to leave.

I gotta go fix this.

- It's weird that he listened to us.

- Right?

I got the apartment.

Oh, I can't wait to live by myself.

You're gonna live by yourself? A teenager?

While I, an adult,

live with three roommates?

Living alone sounds so glamorous.

You can put up as many pictures

of Jesse Tyler Ferguson as you want.

Yes.

After I go to Western Union

and send over the $100 pre-deposit,

I can finally actually see the apartment.

Wait, wait, wait. $100 pre-deposit?

It's not normal to pay money

to just see an apartment.

Well, no, a lot of places

do pre-deposits now.

- My landlord told me.

- This doesn't sound right.

We're just looking out for you.

I won't let some jealous haters

stop me from getting a place

that's so cool

it's technically in two zip codes.

You need to talk to Kayla.

She's trying to rent an apartment,

and we think it's a scam.

- We tried to stop her.

- Not that hard 'cause we're scared of her.

Did Kayla put you guys up to this?

Is she somewhere hiding, recording me?

Where you at Kayla, huh?

- You trying to go viral again?

- No. This is serious.

Oh.

Then this is my moment. Kayla needs me.

I gotta help my baby girl.

I was just waiting around

to see if someone was gonna

compliment me on my parenting skills.

Okay, I'm going. I'm going.

Okay, Kayla, here comes daddy. Whoo!

A father's work is never done.

Is anyone gonna finish his fries?

I wanna talk to whoever's in charge.

I wanna talk to the owner.

Hi, Andrea. There's a man here for you.

I don't know. I'll ask. You're not the guy

from Facebook Marketplace, are you?

She says that shower head is listed as is.

- No.

- He says no.

He could be lying,

but I am inclined to trust him.

- So who should I?

- Oh, Andrea?

- Mm-hmm?

- I need to talk to you about Eliza Walker.

She's considering passing on the job,

you have to fight for her.

Ah. We didn't offer her the job.

And believe me, she begged.

She did not wanna go back

to Hollywood Video.

- It's Blockbuster.

- Sorry.

I got confused

because she only referred to it

as the rotting corpse of '90s retail hell.

- Really? That's not a joke?

- No.

I was just with her.

She said you made the offer.

From what I gleaned from her résumé,

I get the feeling

Eliza says a lot of things.

It was so chaotic,

the only reason I brought her in

was to see if she was real.

- She claims she went to Harvard.

- Well, that part is actually true.

Wow. Unfortunately that is not

how she presented herself.

So, feel free to take a pen.

When you flip it upside down

the Sebring becomes a convertible.

I can't believe she would slam Blockbuster

and lie to me.

Mm-hmm. Okay, bye.

What happened?

I thought I knew what I was doing, but

I got scammed, Daddy.

Bring it in.

Come on, I know. I know.

Bring it in. Come on.

We'll take care of it.

What's the ETA on this?

I wanna be the first

to stick my thumb in it.

I'm gonna regret this, but why?

Being first is a huge badge of honor

among Thimble Heads.

The puzzle is done when I say it's done.

I took the morning off work,

I need to get back to the oncology clinic.

- You're an oncologist?

- There are Thimble Heads in every career.

Let's just say that there was a thimble

in the White House.

God, you

Go wait over there until we're done.

We need space.

To build.

Don't worry, I got this.

And the sooner we finish,

the sooner that sicko will leave.

I heard that.

You're not wrong.

I hate him.

You're gonna give up a job

with health, dental, vision

- Don't forget paid time off.

- Yeah.

It's crucial

for a healthy work-life balance.

- for this?

- Yep.

Some things are more important

than healthy benefits and upward mobility.

Plus, you all depend on me

and I like it here.

Huh, that's interesting.

I was at Round-The-Clock Car Rental

and heard a different story.

You won't believe the conversation I had.

What would you have to talk about

besides her?

I bet they were giving Timmy

a play-by-play

of all the cutthroat negotiations

they used to reel her in.

Eliza told us.

Hope you didn't burn too many bridges.

Maybe you could put a good word in for me?

I'm not sure Eliza has that kind of pull

over at Round-The-Clock Car Rental,

but what would I know?

I just work in retail hell.

You talked to Andrea.

Sure did.

Okay. I can explain.

Um

The truth is, it's tough out there and

I thought I could just

jump back into the workforce,

but I Look, I don't deserve

The money they were offering you.

No, you deserve more,

which is why I put up the fight of my life

to keep them

from headhunting my best employee.

They were preparing a new offer

to change your mind, but I fought dirty.

- Huh?

- I told them you'd say that.

Eliza. Please.

You need to stay at Blockbuster.

I will double your salary.

Double? Really?

Maybe not double, but something. Triple.

That's more than double.

We'll figure it out.

Wait. Are you sure?

You can barely afford to pay us.

This feels like a gesture

more than anything.

You heard him. We'll figure it out.

- So Eliza's staying?

- Yes, she's staying.

If she wants. This isn't a prison camp.

Thank God.

Timmy would've crumbled without you.

That is true.

But I did do a pretty nice job of solving

the snack supply issue and I deserve

Ah! This candy broke my tooth.

What?

"August: Osage County candy corn."

Great play,

that's where it should've ended.

- I paid for these.

- Oh, wait.

- No.

- You're gonna eat more?

- No.

- Please don't.

- You don't have to

- Yeah, okay.

I knew something was off.

I mean, you always ignore me.

I've never seen you ignore mangos.

Why do you need an apartment?

Mom is on my case, like, all the time.

Typical Shaina.

"Drink more water.

Stop going to bed at 2 a.m.

Don't drive blindfolded

for a Bird Box challenge."

"Stop leaving burger wrappers

on the nightstand.

Stop buying ATVs.

Stop bringing stray dogs home.

That is a coyote.

You don't know the difference

between a coyote and a damn dog?"

She's just always policing me

and I can't live in a police state.

Yeah. I get it.

I don't want to throw your mom

under the bus, but

But, believe it or not,

your mom is just looking out for you.

Making sure you're safe.

Doing what a mother should do.

But if you ever feel overwhelmed

and need a break from her,

like I did, you can always stay with me.

- I can?

- Yeah.

- Your coyote hates me.

- Chris ran off months ago.

I don't know what his issue was.

All I said was, "My food, your food."

He got offended. Hmm.

Ah. He was a great friend. Look here.

I'm your dad.

And I'm gonna always want you around.

You know what my best days are?

My best days are when you're working

and I get a chance to spend time with you.

- Ugh. Okay, no need to be thirsty, Percy.

- Yeah.

- Can I stay at your place tonight?

- Let me think about it.

Hmm

Yes, you can stay at my place tonight.

And, listen, getting scammed

is nothing to be ashamed of.

That means you trust people.

You have a trusting soul.

Believe me,

your dad has been scammed a bunch.

Almost made

the Guinness Book of World Records

for being scammed

the greatest number of times.

Turns out, that was a scam.

- Look, I did it! It's perfect.

- Stick your thumb in me for thumbs of fun!

Wow!

- Wow

- Mm-hmm.

I mean, it's mostly held together

by duct tape and hope, but you did it.

- No need to be rude.

- Finally. Can I have a turn now?

I could smell you before I saw you,

you son of a b*tch.

And if anyone is sticking

their thumb in first, it's me.

No.

I'm looking for my dream thumb ♪

I've been looking for ♪

Is it supposed to sound like this?

Thimble's got me.

- It's got me. Help!

- You are not the dream thumb.

No, Thimblewell, let her go. No. Pull!

Help!

Pull, pull!

You monsters.

Connie. Girl.

I may have gotten a little out of hand.

- What's really going on here?

- It's just that

growing up, my sister was good at school.

My brother was amazing at baseball,

and puzzles were my thing.

I guess I was worried

that I had lost my thing.

First of all, based on

what you've told us about your sister,

things haven't worked out for her.

She does only have one husband now.

And you didn't lose your puzzle skills.

Even if you did,

you have lots of things you're good at.

You're the only one who knows

how to laminate membership cards

and you stopped that girl

from bullying us.

Plus, you're fluent in Albanian

and too modest to tell us why.

Oh, guys. That's so sweet.

- Nice.

- Whoo!

- You didn't have to help me with this.

- What? Of course I did.

- I'm the backbone of this place, remember?

- How could I forget?

This "rotting corpse of '90s retail hell."

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call it that.

I really wanted that job

and I think I let my nerves

get the best of me.

But, you know, I'm so used

to taking care of other people,

it was really nice

to have someone in my corner for once.

You deserve it.

Aaron thinks that he looks out for me,

but it's not in his nature.

- Lena's really lucky to have you.

- Oh, yeah, I mean sure,

we're just hanging out,

but sure, she's great.

So, I was thinking about what you said

the day we found out

this was the last Blockbuster.

Maybe the store isn't just renting movies.

People gather here,

we offer an experience

that doesn't exist anywhere else.

It's special.

We've gotta share that, you know?

Do events.

Maybe even one for Christmas,

for some old holiday movie.

Like a less and more sad Comic-Con?

I assume you have notes.

No, no, no.

After today,

I fully support all of your ideas

that don't involve expired snack foods.

Well, I'm glad, because I was thinking,

maybe this could be your first order

of business as my assistant manager?

Oh! More responsibility for the same pay?

I love it. I'm in.

A raccoon?

Or Thimble is a Chucky.

Stick your thumb in me for thumbs of fun.

Stick your thumb in me for thumbs of fun.

♪ If I say it to your face, uh-oh ♪

- Will you still think I'm okay? ♪

- Oh, no ♪

What's the point

♪ Of only looking for problems ♪

♪ When solving them sends me into space? ♪

♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ I'll jump out the window ♪

♪ And float up to find myself disgraced ♪

- Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

- Oh, no, oh, no ♪

♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪

♪ U-oh, uh-oh ♪