[theme music plays]
[phone ringing, buzzing]
[phone ringing, buzzing]
Yep.
I received them.
No worries.
I'll keep them in a safe place.
[phone snaps shut]
[gasps] My boys are home!
Mommy!
Hi, [speaks Farsi]
I missed you so much!
- Yeah, did you have fun?
- Mm-hmm.
How'd it go?
You know, I ended up writing
three chapters, Will.
Thank you so much
for pushing me to do this.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
- Guys! Gross.
Shoes.
But did you guys have fun at least?
What did you do?
We met a kid.
He has a pet tiger.
And he's a prince.
- Wait, what? He's a prince?
- Yeah, he he had a blast.
I guess so,
with the 0.001 percent.
Orion?
I'm so happy you and Daddy got
to spend so much time together.
- You had fun, huh?
- Yeah.
Okay.
[in Farsi] Good night, my dear.
[in Farsi] I love you.
[in English] Oh, I love you, too, honey.
You know,
now that you're such a big boy,
I don't think you need me
to help you get to sleep anymore.
Hmm.
You seem different.
Really? How do you mean?
I don't know. Like, happy.
Oh I'm just happy
to see you, my love.
All right. Mmm.
Sleep well,
[in Farsi] my soul!
♪♪♪
[Yasmin]
I mean, the trip itself is fine,
but maybe not the tiger part.
- That's a lot.
- [Orion] That's the best!
Oh, I don't know, honey.
All right, have a good day.
- Mwah.
- Let's go.
- Bye.
- Have fun.
- Hey!
- How are you?
- I'm good.
- How was their trip?
Oh, my God, they had a blast,
apparently.
- I'm so happy.
- Yeah, it was pretty good.
[gasps] Oh, my God.
- What? What?
- The dad. The dad.
- The dad from soccer.
- What? What?
He's such a jerk.
Oh, my God, Anne was right.
- He's a dad here. Oh, my God.
- Okay
Oh, my God, wait, wait, wait.
Just hide me.
Just takes a second.
- Yeah, I don't oh.
- Stay here, stay here. Don't move.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, here he comes.
Okay, okay, okay.
Oh.
Oh. Please tell me
that is not from the ball.
It is.
You know, I just should have sat
further away, and
I am so sorry. I
I didn't realize
it hit you that hard. That's
It's just me.
I have sensitive skin.
- She does.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Can I do anything?
- No, no, no, no, no.
I went to urgent care
and they told me
I just have to ice
for a couple of weeks,
and they really don't think it will
turn into a severe edema.
Sounds serious.
I will make sure to tell Andy
to be more careful next time.
- I again, I am so sorry.
- No, no, no. Don't worry.
You know, I really the truth is,
I never yell at children.
It was so you know.
But I was like
the pain was so intense,
that I was surprised, you know.
Well, uh, it's not my style
to yell at moms.
- Okay.
- Especially a lady.
- Thanks.
- And, you know
- Okay, yeah.
- [both] Bye.
- Oh, my God.
- I hate him.
You are such an impressive liar.
That was amazing.
You have to tell me more about this,
but I gotta run.
Yeah, okay.
- I don't want to hurt your eye.
- Ooh, yeah.
- [laughs]
- It hurts! Which one is it?
- Oh, God, I think I
- Justine?
We haven't seen you in a while.
How are you?
Hi, Jackie. How are you?
Oh, my God.
What happened to your eye?
Oh! It's just a a soccer ball.
It doesn't hurt at all.
Oh, good. Oh, good.
It was so nice of Martin
to sketch the set
for the upcoming Earth Day show.
He did. Yes.
Yes, he did.
I I just, uh, yeah.
He's an amazing dad.
Oh, yes. We love him.
You should come by
for the parents' coffee
in the student center.
- Oh, of course! When is it?
- Friday.
- Oh.
- Like, every Friday.
For the past five years.
Yes.
Children love to see their parents
be a part of their school community.
It gives them a feeling of safety.
I I've just been so busy
with the restaurant.
The hours are just insane
and I just want
Oh, always live in your truth.
And I understand.
I'm a working mother myself.
Actually, most of our mothers
at Grand Oak work.
- Yes.
- Oh.
I gotta run. Morning meeting.
- Of course.
- One last thing.
Did you get the email
about the Spring Giving?
Oh, yes, I did. I'm sorry.
I will take care of it tonight.
Oh, wonderful. Wonderful.
- Thank you. Take care. Bye.
- Yes, yes, take care.
- Have a wonderful day.
- Oh, yeah, you too.
Yeah. Bye.
♪♪♪
Waiter! [kisses]
Mom.
He's busy.
He'll be here in a second.
Hi. Sorry about the wait.
I'll have a bloody Mary,
not too spicy, Ketel One.
I'm so sorry, but,
we are a wine and beer
establishment only.
May I suggest
our stone fruit Bellini?
It's very popular.
We add a dash of lime, paprika.
Why on earth did you
choose this place?
I'm really sorry, Mom.
I didn't know.
All right.
I'll have the sparkling water
with a with a dash of lime.
You are a water establishment,
aren't you?
I'll have a lemonade, please.
Thank you. Thank you.
Sparkling water with a dash of lime,
and a lemonade.
- Thanks.
- So.
Jonathan tells me that you are
very excited about your company.
I am.
And I think now would be a great time
to expand a little bit.
We have really exciting things
happening, Mom.
Would now be a great time
to talk about the Manila factory?
Ah, that still conflicts
with the whole
ethical, local thing,
so probably not.
Ethical and local.
My daughter is woke.
I really couldn't
live with myself if I was
paying my workers peanuts
to make clothing.
Actually, they love peanuts.
That's all they eat over there.
[fake chuckle]
It's not funny.
Oh, Anne,
where's your sense of humor?
Oh, and how do you like living
with your new pool?
You offered to put in that pool.
I never wanted the pool.
Listen to the way you sound.
You sound just like
a spoiled child.
"I didn't want the pool.
You forced me to get the pool."
Well, if the pool is such an issue,
why don't you just fill it in
with compost
and plant vegetables and then
your husband
can take them to
the local farmers' market?
Well, actually, Mom, I don't really
have a husband right now.
Oh.
[chuckles] I don't even know
why I said that.
He's coming back. He is.
He just wanted some time to, um,
to live on his own for a little while
and it's just temporary.
That pischer.
He isn't gonna get a penny
of my money, Anne.
- Do you hear me?
- Mom, he doesn't want a divorce.
He is not after your money.
Oh, pull yourself together.
This isn't one of your telenovelas.
He thinks he's gonna
catch us off guard?
He doesn't know who he's dealing with,
that little sh*t.
Jonathan Messner, please.
I don't want you to worry
about anything.
We're a team, you and I.
♪♪♪
[chuckles]
My husband just texted me.
He's not gonna make it.
He mixed the date.
[therapist] It's hard to keep track
sometimes.
Might be a little difficult to do
a couple's intake session
without your husband, so,
why don't we reschedule?
And I won't charge you for today.
Well, that's very kind of you, but,
I think we can actually do this
without my husband.
[heavy French accent]
"I don't know why I'm here.
"Uh, the problems are between
Justine and Justine,
not me and Justine."
[chuckles]
You constantly tell me
that I'm a terrible mother,
that I work too much
and that my absence
is going to destroy Albert's life.
Our son.
"I never said you were
a terrible mother.
"I said, uh, you didn't enjoy
being a mother.
That's not the same thing."
That's not true at all,
and you know it.
And on top of it,
you constantly tell me
that I'm fat and unattractive,
and I will never escape
my genetic destiny.
He even asked me if there were
any thin people in Brittany.
That's where I'm from.
"I never said you were fat.
I said you were not thin. [chuckles]
It's not the same at all."
You compared me to a whale.
Whales are fat.
That is why the Japanese
slaughtered them, for their fat!
I should have said it from here.
Justine, would you mind
just sitting in one place?
I understand
what you're trying to say,
but this is not
how we do things here.
Uh-huh. Okay.
So, I only work with couples,
but I know of an excellent therapist,
a colleague of mine.
Is that something
you would consider?
What, that I would see
on my own?
Mm-hmm.
But, I mean,
I'm completely fine.
♪♪♪
Oh, I'm so sorry
I kept you waiting.
- Hi!
- Hi. These look great.
Was it Oscar Wilde who said that
not everyone's lucky enough
to be an orphan?
Whatever the f*ck that is?
Oh, the baby snatcher's
back in town.
- Who?
- That's her mother.
- Baby snatcher?
- Can I tell her the story
of why we call her that?
- [groans]
- Okay, this is such a funny story.
You know,
George is not circumcised,
and so when they had Seb,
they decided
that they would not circumcise him.
But when Seb was a week old,
Sandra snatched him from his crib
and Ubered him over to a mohel
for a quick snip.
He had to have flipped.
Flipped.
- George?
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, it was so sad!
For the first year,
he couldn't even
look at Seb's p*nis
without crying.
- Oh.
- [chuckles]
But she thought, "You know what?
I paid for this baby,
so I can do whatever
the eff I want."
How many rounds of IVF
did you have for Seb?
[sighs] Six.
- You could buy a house with that.
- Yeah.
Okay, okay, that's enough.
All right, all right.
- What are you looking for?
- Okay.
Um, Gene loves, like, a glitter.
Glitter, glitzy
Glitter.
Okay, I don't have any glitter,
but I have something
that'll look amazing on you.
- But it is a sample.
- In other words,
if things get a little frisky,
you take the dress off first
Carefully, yes. I got it.
Emily, could you go get the Clotilde?
It's in the back.
Clotilde.
Hey, when you go in there,
if there's anything
you guys don't want
I just gave you so much stuff already.
I know, I know.
Can I try, like, this?
Sure, yeah, of course.
Oh, did you see my other dresses?
Yeah, they're very lovely.
But more importantly, talk to me.
Are you dating anyone?
What's happening?
[sighs] I'm not really single.
It's a trial separation.
It's a trial separation,
so George is just sitting around
in his downtown pad chilling out
and watching Netflix?
So you're saying he's not
watching Netflix?
Anne, I was single for a long time,
and I gotta tell you guys something.
It is bananas out there.
I mean, people are cheating
left and right.
So, at least George had the decency
to ask for a separation.
So what, you're saying
that I'm paying for his f*ck pad?
Why don't you just see
what's out there?
Let's get you on an app.
Give me your phone.
- I'm not I'm not doing that.
- Oh, no.
- No, literally, it takes a second.
- No, really?
You can take unlock.
You can take it down later.
Five seconds.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, hang on.
Okay. Okay,
this is the good one.
This is the money maker,
and I'm telling you,
the guys here are very hot.
Okay, hold on.
[camera shutter snaps]
- Good. Done.
- You just took my picture?
- It looks fine. They love it real.
- I didn't even know.
It's good. So you're gonna
tweak this later.
- Uh-huh.
- Looks good.
You're gonna add
some cute little details.
Boom.
But let me set your expectations.
You're not going to meet the love of
your life even though I may have.
How about this?
[Anne] Oh, it looks nice on you.
I like that.
- Yeah.
- Nice.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Very cute. But listen,
it's a numbers game.
- Yeah.
- You gotta keep playing it.
Like, you guys remember
my first date with Gene?
Oh, Gene.
When are we gonna meet Gene?
I never thought in a million years
I would date an older guy.
- Gross.
- [Anne laughs]
No, I mean it really is.
Like, I'm very young.
But Gene is a young 65.
You know what I mean.
- Like, young.
- Oops.
- That's the Clotilde?
- Mm-hmm.
- I love it.
- We could try it.
♪♪♪
[Ell] Toothpaste?
Okay, sorry.
What is this doing here, Kai?
- It's glue for the Legos.
- Legos don't need glue, Kai.
Shut up, mean mom!
Don't talk to Mom that way!
Hey, you! I don't need your help
in disciplining him.
Yeah, you're not my dad.
My dad invented Instagram.
Oh, really?
Yeah, is that what he tells you?
Your dad invented an app
like Instagram,
but, since Instagram already exists,
no one cares about
your dad's stupid app!
Mom, I can't focus on my homework.
Then go in your bedroom,
sweetheart.
I don't have one, remember?
- He took my controller, Mom!
- What?
Stop. Stop.
Leave your brother alone.
[yips]
- Oh, Puddles, no! Get off me!
- Oh, my God!
- Mom, that is so gross!
- I don't know what to do.
He's doing his little dance.
This is insane.
Mom, someone should film this.
- Puddles, off!
- Put your lipstick down.
[Oliver] What's it called when animals
are into humans?
Siri, animals who have desire
for humans.
[Siri beeps]
I don't know what you're asking.
He has his lipstick
He has his lipstick ♪
- This is crazy.
- Mom, if everyone saw this,
nobody would believe us.
- Believe what, Sarah?
- All of this.
- His lipstick, his lipstick ♪
- They wouldn't?
[Sarah] No.
Kai, hold on.
Do that again for Mama.
He has his lipstick,
he has his lipstick ♪
He has his lipstick ♪
[laughing]
He has his lipstick ♪
Door open. Safety, anyone?
What are you doing here?
Picking up Kai, per the schedule.
[Ell]
We have a schedule?
Are you filming something?
- [video camera beeps off]
- No, just documenting.
Okay, whatever you're filming,
just please don't post it
on Instagram.
The competition between us
is heating up.
- Okay.
- Ready, buddy?
I don't want my dad.
I want my mom today.
He didn't know. I'm so sorry.
You don't have a choice, sweetie.
Hey, door's open.
- Ooh.
- [video camera beeps on]
- Dad!
- Oh, hey, buddy!
- Hey, hey.
- [grunting] Oh, my God.
Jason, can you start your entrance
from the top?
And Oliver, do the same thing.
Just run into his arms,
- Are you filming?
- Yeah, I want to document something.
- Oh.
- Come on, Jason. Quick.
And, action!
Hey, door's open. [chuckles]
- [Oliver] Dad!
- Hey!
- [grunts] Oh, my gosh.
- [Ell] Nice.
Freeze on that.
Ell, I'm gonna take you up
on your offer
and crash here for a few days,
if that's cool.
Okay. Oliver, could you just
do it again, quick?
[Jason] Hey, man, how's it going?
Business good?
- Oh
- Right here?
Yeah, yeah, closer.
"Things are
Things things are heating up.
Things are heating up.
Heating up, man.
- [Ell] Great.
- Awesome.
- Nice. Awesome.
- [video camera beeps off]
Where should I set up?
- Um, how about in there?
- In the back? Okay. Thank you.
[birds chirping]
♪♪♪
[muttering]
What?
[continues muttering]
sh*t!
Ooh, honey.
What is this incredible thing
you are building?
This is amazing.
Thanks, Mom.
It's the Musk Mars spaceship.
You know, maybe I might be
the first man to live on Mars.
Oh, well, I I hope not.
- Why?
- Well, because then you'd
you'd be so far away from me, right?
Yeah, but maybe by then
it'll be faster to get there.
Yeah.
That's still pretty far, though.
Hey, listen, I was gonna make you
some delicious
lemon jelly toast.
What do you think about that?
- Mm, Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Jesus Christ.
- What? What?
I looked away for five minutes
and the kid built a rocket?
That's incredible.
It's got lights on it.
Yeah, well[chuckles]
He really takes after you, babe.
Oh, come on.
He takes after both of us.
All I did was make some silly software.
You're the creative one.
- Oh
- Wow.
Is that a flip phone on top?
That's so funny, it does right?
It kind of looks like one
of those old old phones.
Hey, Orion.
- This is really cool. Good job.
- Thank you.
Thanks. I found the flip phone
in the
You know what, we were just about
to make some lemon jelly toast,
but you're not gonna get any
if the
lemon jelly ogre gets it all first!
- Lemon jelly ogre?
- Yeah! That's his favorite food.
He's gonna eat it all up
if you don't come help me.
Come on.
- Let's go.
- Okay, but, I have to go to the bathroom.
[Yasmin] Oh, all right.
Well, hurry back, honey.
- Oh, what are you doing?
- [camera shutter clicking]
Just gonna grab a picture of this.
This is dope.
Yeah, no, you can't post that, honey.
You know that.
Yeah, well, Orion's not in it.
I know, but it will still
attract the attention of predators.
Um, because, you know,
some of them,
they go after
very smart little boys.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause Orion's not in the picture.
- I know, but,
it it's still they would know
that this was created
by a highly intelligent boy
and that's a fetish.
- For some of them.
- For real?
Yeah, I just I just read about this.
It's awful.
- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah. I know.
- It's a dark world.
- You know what I'm thinking?
We should go to the beach
and watch the sunset.
I don't I don't want to
go to the beach.
It's too cold, don't you think?
No, this is great. Chilly beach.
It's like Britain. It's fun.
- Come on. Come on. Come on.
- All right.
- This'll be fun.
- We'll go to the beach.
- Yes!
- Okay.
I mean,
you don't know I love the cold?
Uh, I do now.
How do you not know that about me?
- You're so silly.
- [small dog howling]
We're gonna have fun.
- [dog howling continues]
Sometimes it doesn't have
to be sunny, you know.
Actually, I'm getting a little chilly
already, guys.
- Think I'm gonna go grab a sweater.
- You want me to get it?
No, no, I got it.
I'll see you in a second.
[small dog yapping]
- Your mom's very happy.
- Mm-hmm.
Sometimes she gets sad
after she gets happy like that.
Yeah. I know.
Sometimes.
It's hard to know
when she'll be unhappy again.
Yeah. I know.
- Got it. Let's go!
- All right.
I bet I can beat both of you
to the beach!
♪♪♪
Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
My God!
Jerry, look, look, look!
I have 462 more followers
just today. Facebook.
Why are you a part of a group
called Friends of Putin?
- What?
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
- But that's impossible!
What did I do?
Well, you accepted them,
so you have to unfriend them.
Hey, Evan, Evan. Look at Justine's
new Facebook friend.
- Okay.
- [both laugh]
- Friends of Putin?
- Enough. Okay.
You've been
hacked by the Russians.
Ah. Oh, you know what?
Maybe they're trying to meddle
in the Venice restaurant scene.
Are you guys making fun of me?
- Yes, we're making fun of you.
- Okay.
- [incoming text chime]
- Great.
[Justine sighs]
- We gotta do something about Ell.
- I'm seriously worried.
I mean, do you even know
how she's paying her bills?
No idea.
Okay, I'm going.
- I'm gonna call her.
- Yes, do.
Could I get another one of these?
[chewing noisily]
[sighs]
[phone buttons beeping]
[line ringing]
This is George. Leave a message.
[beep]
[thumps phone down]
- [beep]
- [line ringing]
This is George. Leave a message.
[beep]
[beep]
- [beep]
- [line ringing]
This is George. Leave a message.
[beep]
God damn it!
[line ringing]
[George]
Hey, what's up?
Really, George?
"What's up?"
I left you six messages.
Okay, we have a kid together,
remember?
You're supposed to pick up
the phone at all times.
- Is, uh, Sebastian okay?
- Yeah, everything's fine.
So what's going on?
Nothing. I was sleeping.
I had a late night.
Uh
What's going on with you?
Is "trial separation" code
for f*cking other people?
Oh, don't be vulgar, Anne.
♪♪♪
I can't stand tomatoes.
Slimy, gelatinous consistency.
Like Jell-O.
- Ugh. Don't even say that word.
- [laughs]
Alexa! Play smooth R&B playlist!
Wait!
Maybe the mic's not working!
[screams]
I'm coming.
[hamster chitters]
[sniffling]
[crying]
- Gretchen?
- [sobs]
She was like this all day
yesterday, too.
[Gretchen whining, crying]
All right.
Are you okay?
- Honey, what is it?
- I cannot tell you!
- [cries]
- Of course you can.
Do you do you miss your family?
- No.
- Oh, honey, what is it?
I'm an idiot.
You are going to think
that I'm a wh*re.
No! Why would I think
you're a wh*re?
I mean, unless you had sex
with people for money, or
with George?
Ew! No.
He's not my type at all.
No, not sex for money either.
What is it?
I'm I'm pregnant.
- [crying]
- Oh, sh*t.
- See? You hate me.
- No! Oh, God. No.
Oh, Gretchen.
One of the other au pairs
had an ab*rtion
and now she's always depressed.
She's from Sweden.
I'm just confused because I thought you
had your period last week.
- Oh, I've never been regular.
- Oh, no.
- Does your boyfriend know?
- I don't know whose it is.
Did you have many relations?
Usually I have two lovers
a weekend.
- What?
- See? You think I'm a wh*re!
No, I don't. I'm just so surprised.
You never seem to leave the house.
Yeah, I'm very private Anne. Yeah.
Do you not use condoms?
[sniffles] It's not the same with them.
Don't you think?
Are you sure you're pregnant?
Yeah. Yeah. I did two tests.
I hate children!
[sobbing]
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Oh, no.
♪♪♪
[cat chirps]
What do you think?
Nicer, huh?
Okay.
Mommy?
Daddy's gonna wake up soon.
[in French] So what?
[In English] Come and give me a kiss.
[in French] My baby.
Mwah.
[In English] Can I go outside?
[in French] I love you.
Go play outside.
[In English] Okay.
[in French] I love you.
And even if everyone tells you
you're wrong,
persevere at being wrong,
because that big void
all around you and inside
might just be what defines
the human condition.
And food is there
to fill some of that void.
Eat life before it eats you.
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