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01x02 - Vampire

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Undead m*rder Farce". Aired: July 6, 2023.*
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In a world inhabited by vampires, golems, werewolves and other creatures, Aya Rindo, along with Tsugaru Shunichi and Shizuku Hasei, travels as supernatural detective, solving mysteries while she looks for her lost body.

01x02 - Vampire

Post by bunniefuu »

A.D.

Eastern France

Givre

Vague de Folie Mansion

Raoul

The hunt is over. Let's head home.

What were you looking at?

Mushrooms, Father.

You didn't k*ll it with the r*fle?

Well, I couldn't hit it, so

I had no other choice.

Then why did you even bother bringing it?

The mayor was kind enough to send it to me.

I had to at least try it out.

Not to mention, using things like

this makes a good impression.

Like we're meeting humanity halfway.

I'm doubt we're getting

through to them, though.

That hunter attacked

us just the other day.

They've treated us harshly ever

since Count Dracula was taken out.

Exactly why making a good

impression is important.

We're all going to have to get

along with humanity from now on,

whether we like it or not.

I'm going to put the r*fle away.

Could you get that silver out of our

storage room while you're at it?

Silver?

The weapon we took from that hunter.

Why keep something so dangerous in the house?

Part of making a good impression?

No.

Wouldn't we be safer holding onto it,

rather than letting it fall into

another hunter's hands?

I've made sure it's locked up,

so Charlotte doesn't play with—

What?

What's the matter?

Our blood

Raoul, stay behind me. Do not stray!

Wh-Why?

Do not leave my side! No matter what!

Claude!

Claude! Hannah!

What's the matter, Father?

Claude, are you all right?

Did something happen?

What is the matter, my lord?

Alfred, it appears we've had an intruder.

Did you notice anything?

No, I haven't seen anything.

I was in the office this whole time.

Where is Charlotte?

She's in the laundry room with Giselle.

They've been so loud this whole time.

Father!

Father

Stay here.

Hannah?

Vampire

Episode Two

"Lady Wife of Lord Godard m*rder*d

Was This the Work of a Vampire Hunter?"

"The First m*rder Among the Human Allies"

I'm telling you, this is a warning.

"We'll do the same to you

if you don't back off."

If they don't stop being human allies, you mean?

Yeah, I'm sure there are some

extremist hunters out there

who hate the thought of

monsters getting rights.

Rumors say it could be one

of Royce's agents, too.

Well, I don't know who did it,

but if you ask me, they did nothing wrong.

Excuse me!

Lord Godard signed a written oath

that he wouldn't drink human blood.

That's why he's been given rights—

You can't trust vampires!

There he is!

Lord Godard! Lord Godard!

Lord Godard! I'm with Est News.

Could you give us your thoughts

about this incident?

Lord Godard! Look over here!

Please stop this. I'm going out

to see the judge right now.

Please move.

Move!

Lord Godard!

How old are you?

I'm a correspondent with the Epoc News.

My name's Annie Kerber, and I'm fourteen.

According to the police statement,

the investigation of this

m*rder is still ongoing.

Ongoing? That's absurd.

They've as good as dropped it.

I haven't had a drop of human

blood for over twenty years.

My family and I go to church

on Sunday evenings, as well!

Do you really think we

deserve this treatment?!

Are you saying this is social discrimination

against vampires who are human allies?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

Make sure you write that

Lord Godard is resentful of

how the police have been handling this.

Extremely resentful.

Then how are you planning to

get to the bottom of this?

I'm going to hire a detective.

I hear there's a duo from the east—

Detectives who specialize in monster cases.

Monster cases?

Do you mean Aya Rindo and Tsugaru Shinuchi?

Yes, I believe those were their names.

He's coming The Cage User is coming here!

Hey there, driver.

Yes, boss?

Don't you think we're shaking a bit too much?

Well, we're on a country road.

Yeah, well, all the rattling is hurting

my a*s and giving me heartburn.

My master here says she's ready to hurl.

And believe me, the complaints and insults

that come from my master's

mouth are more than enough.

We'll be there soon.

Besides, you're the one who asked me to hurry.

Then if you could slowly hurry

You can't be serious!

That's enough, Tsugaru.

Ah, Master. You seem better.

I am not, but if we're

almost there, I'll survive.

Not to mention, even if I wanted

to hurl, I have no way of doing so.

Welp, you got me there.

They proved one of the merfolk

innocent of m*rder in Norway,

and solved a case dealing

with a golem in Belgium.

I hear they are very talented detectives.

How so?

I'm not sure.

The judge has abandoned us, too.

Are you sure you can trust them?

They're better than the police.

Wow, classy.

Boss.

If I could get that payment now

Payment? For what?

The fare for the carriage ride, of course.

One way is three francs.

That's a bit steep.

Well, it was a long ride

But that doesn't seem fair, given

how bumpy the ride was.

Boss, you're not trying to

I'm not trying to get out of paying you.

I just want to return the carriage.

Y-You can't return a horse-drawn carriage!

Oh? And why is that?

I mean

I mean, I already drove you all the way here!

I see.

Then if you'd be so kind as to drive

us back to where we started

Then I'll have returned it.

U-Uh

Come on, now

That's enough, Tsugaru.

Driver, think about this rationally.

He's trying to cheat you out

of a round-trip fare.

B-Boss?

Enough, Tsugaru.

Stop troubling the poor driver.

He seems to have had enough

misfortune already.

He's been sober for a week after his

wife yelled at him about his drinking.

H-How do you know about Natalie?

Don't act so unsettled.

I could tell from your clothes.

Driver, if you don't

demand your payment soon,

he's going to try to get out of it again.

Uh, r-right.

Anyway, boss, that'll be three francs.

Could you knock off one franc?

Boss

All right, boss. Two francs will be fine.

But please, hurry!

You see, I don't have any

cash on me right now.

You'll have to get the

payment from Lord Godard.

L-L-Lord Godard!

I need two francs from you.

Wh-Who are you?

That's our driver, Hattsuan.

My name's Mark!

Apparently, this is Mark.

I'd like him to drive us back, so would

you let him rest here for a bit?

He seems to be a bit worked up.

Alfred, show him to a room

and get him his payment.

Yes, sir.

Th-Thank you, sir.

Thank you

Thank you

So, who might you be?

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I'm the Cage User who came

all the way from Japan.

The name's Tsugaru Shinuchi.

My name may mean "headliner," but

I'm more of an opening act, at heart.

I look forward to working with ya.

I am Jean Duchet Godard. And these are

Claude, my eldest,

and Raoul, my second son.

I hear that you specialize in monster cases.

Indeed, but I am a mere apprentice.

My master's the one that

handles all the actual work.

I don't recall making you

my apprentice, Tsugaru.

You're just my assistant.

Er is this Ms. Aya Rindo?

Indeed. I am Aya Rindo.

It's an honor to meet you.

Something wrong?

Er, no. I just didn't realize the

detective was a lady.

Ah, I see. I guess it is hard to tell.

I mean, she lacks a chest, after all.

Did you say something, Tsugaru?

Nope, not a word. My apologies.

But that one was quite funny.

Shizuku, strike Tsugaru for me later.

As you wish, Lady Aya.

Despite my physical state, I will

have no problem solving this case,

so have no fear.

I will track down the m*rder*r

who k*lled your wife.

Er, right. I'll be counting on you.

First, let us take your

luggage to your rooms.

Alfred.

Oh, no need. I'll have Shizuku carry them.

Uh, hey! Shizuku, you seem

to have forgotten my trunk.

You can carry your own luggage.

S-So cold. And unkind

Shizuku, carry Tsugaru's, as well.

Yes, Lady Aya.

Wh-Who is that maid?

Oh, forgot to introduce her.

Her name is Shizuku Hasei.

Then where is Ms. Aya Rindo?

Ah, I was wondering why this

conversation felt weird.

Lord Godard, had you not done

any research on us?

I had done some basic research, but

couldn't find any specific details.

Well, I'm not surprised.

I'm sure that those who

have encountered me before

thought no one would believe

them if they talked about me.

Hey, Tsugaru.

Yes'm.

This is my master.

Allow me to properly introduce myself.

My name is Aya Rindo.

I am, by occupation, a detective.

It's quite fitting, considering

I'm only able to use my head.

I'll be happy to answer any

questions you may have.

How are you still alive

when you're only a head?!

It's quite simple, really.

I'm not dead. Therefore, I'm alive.

Why are you only a head?

Unfortunately, I happened to lose the

rest of my body about a year ago.

Ever since, I've been

living in this birdcage.

How are you able to stay alive?

I really do love watching

everyone's reactions

when they see me for the first time.

Can you tell me how you found the body?

That was in the paper, I believe.

If you don't mind, please remind me,

with as many details as you can remember.

I'm terribly sorry for making you

recall such a traumatic experience.

It's all right.

I may be accustomed to seeing dead bodies,

but I'd never seen a member

of my family k*lled like that.

Before I knew it, I lost my

composure and started to scream.

How many people live in this mansion?

Excluding my wife, we are a family of four.

There's myself.

There's Claude and Raoul,

to whom I introduced you earlier.

And then there's my youngest,

my daughter, Charlotte.

We also have two human servants.

A maid named Giselle, and my butler, Alfred.

He's served us for over twenty years now.

I heard that the slain Madame

Hannah was previously human.

Yes.

Did she dabble in carpentry?

Hannah loved fixing up antiques.

The sounds of metal and wooden mallets

resonated through the mansion.

Are those swords decorative pieces?

No, they are real swords.

There are more in my sons' rooms.

Even when we're injured,

we heal in mere seconds,

so there's no point in using fake swords.

Is the body still there?

A vampire's body decays at an accelerated

rate, so we buried her immediately.

But we have a camera, so I took a picture of her.

The chest wound is just under

ten centimeters in diameter.

It appears that it was

indeed caused by a stake.

She bled less from the left side

of the wound than the right.

I wonder why.

Maybe the body was leaning towards the right?

Her expression seems be peaceful.

There's no sign of struggle.

Lord Godard, was Madame Hannah

asleep at the time?

Yes. We believe that's why

we didn't hear her scream.

We can assume that her death was swift.

Which would mean that

the m*rder*r pierced her heart

with the stake in a single strike.

Could you show me what's

underneath the chair?

Sure thing.

It seems that she was undeniably

k*lled in this spot.

How is the back of the chair?

Not a scratch.

So the m*rder weapon did

not go through the body.

Our senses are rather keen.

If she was attacked in her sleep,

it would have to be the work of a

hunter who could erase their presence.

What about the holy water?

Was it thrown about after the m*rder?

Probably.

Lord Godard, were there any

wounds on her hands or feet?

No, her hands and feet were unharmed.

A vampire's cells lose their power

some time after death,

meaning they won't burn in

reaction to holy water.

Which means the holy water was used

immediately after her death.

It appears some evidence is still here.

Tsugaru. Pick up that bottle.

It's very much a normal bottle.

The glass is a bit dusty.

Rub it with your sleeve.

Sure thing.

Did all of the dust come off?

It's like some anecdote that just won't end.

What was that?

It's absolutely unrelenting.

You don't have to try to be clever every time.

Show me the lid.

Hup.

Not much, but there's blood on it

The culprit may have touched

it after the m*rder.

Put it down.

I heard that the silver stake in your

storage room was taken from a hunter.

Did he have it in a case of some sort?

No, he was holding it.

I had heard that vampires are burnt

when they touch silver or holy water.

Do you have any way of avoiding that?

For example, wrapping cloth

around anything silver.

While that might work I can't imagine

that any of us would willingly touch silver.

I was almost burnt just by putting

my hand close to the stake.

And if you're burnt in that way,

your vampire regenerative powers

They do not work, of course.

Even a slight burn would

take about a week to heal.

That's why I had Alfred take

the stake from the hunter.

Who had keys to the storage room?

Only Alfred and myself.

I see. Thank you very much.

Er, were you able to figure anything out?

There's just one thing that

fails to make sense,

and that's the timeline of this crime.

It truly does seem like the m*rder*r

came from outside this mansion.

But if we were to assume that was true,

certain problems arise.

Seven in total.

Seven?

Tsugaru, lift your finger up.

Sure thing.

Let's start with the first.

Why was there no sign of

Madame Hannah waking up?

She was far more sensitive

to sounds and smells than a human,

so it's strange that she

didn't notice the attacker.

Second. Why did the m*rder*r

specifically infiltrate at night?

Even children are aware that a vampire's

power weakens during the day.

We make sure to lock up tight during the day,

so they must've given up.

Even though they were able to twist

open the storage room's lock?

Third.

Why did the m*rder*r leave the

holy water bottle at the scene?

They probably used that coat to avoid

any blood splattering onto them,

but it would be so easy to

take the bottle with them.

It's unnatural that they left it behind.

Fourth.

How did the m*rder*r know that

the silver stake was in the storage room?

It's also strange that they'd know the

exact location of Madame Hannah's room

and when she'd likely be napping.

Fifth.

Why did the m*rder*r remove the

silver stake after stabbing her

and return it to the storage room?

Now, I'd like you to pay particular

attention to the sixth problem.

Master, we have an issue.

I don't have any more

free fingers to hold up.

Then just stick out your tongue.

Bleh.

Now, the sixth

Maffer.

What is it?

Whaf should we oo abouf the sevenf?

Lift up your leg or something.

Ms. Rindo.

Yes?

That doesn't look like a seven

Oh, very well.

We'll go over the last two later.

Oh, Lottie.

These are detectives who came to

investigate what happened here.

Lottie!

Tsugaru

That's enough.