11x07 & 11x08 & 11x09 - Nuts/Bike

[bunniefuu]

Magnet fishing kicks a*s.

Yeah.

Now, pull up something
good this time, dumbass,

like a rusty g*n
or, like, gold.

Whoa!

Whoa, Butt-Head.

I got something big.

Ahh!

Augh!

Butt-Head,
it's crushing my--

my ribs.

Stop fooling around
with the magnet, dumbass.

We're trying to make
some money here.

Guh!

Uh! Uh!

It's stuck to my pacemaker.

Whoa, cool.

I don't feel so good.

What's a pacemaker
even do anyway?

Where am I?

All I can see is a dot.

Ugh.

Come on.

Quit hogging the magnet.

Whoa.

Whoa, I got something
good, Butt-Head.

Whoa!

Whoa,
check it out, Butt-Head.

This is my bike from
when I was a kid!

It was a present from
my mom's new boyfriend

so I wouldn't tell her
about his other family.

Yeah.

Here's where I
scratched my name on the paint.

See?

Beavis.

You liked it too, remember?

It sucks.

You're just jealous
because I got a present.

No, I'm not.

I'm, like, happy for
you or something.

And then one day,
someone stole it.

Someday I'm going to
find out who it was.

And I'm going to dedicate
the rest of my life

to kicking their a*s.

Yeah.

Beavis, I have
something I need to tell you.

Yeah?

What is it?

It was Stewart.

Stewart.

♪ Can we go back
to how it was ♪

♪ Before my pride got ♪

What's going on
with this girl?

She looks kind of weird.

Uh, that's not a girl.

It's Kid Laroi.

No, I mean the other girl.

The blonde one, you know?

Something's,
uh-- something's going on.

Uh, I think,
like, this is LA.

And they say, like, people
in LA are all plastic.

They get their faces
shot full of brobloxin.

It works, though,
because I bet she's, like, 50.

Whoa.

I think
she's, like, not real.

Uh-- oh, yeah.

She's, like, a love doll.

Oh, really?

What do you mean?

Yeah, she's just,
like, a life-sized doll.

And you can do whatever
you want to her.

Whoa.

So you can do
whatever you want?

Yep.

Wait, wait.

This is against the law, right?

No, I don't think so.

And how much does one
of those things cost?

Uh, I don't know.

I think they're expensive.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Yep.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I could, like, make one.

What are these things made of?

Uh, I don't know--

plastic or something?

Yeah, yeah!

We could, like, get a bunch of
plastic and melt it all down

and make one of those things.

It can't be that hard.

Uh, it seems pretty hard.

You've gotta,
like, mold a bunch of plastic

into something that
looks like a chick.

It doesn't need to look
that much like a chick.

In fact, for what
I have in mind,

it doesn't need to look
like a chick at all.

All we got to do is, uh--

well, let me see.

All it really
needs is one thing.

Get this here.

OK.

Yeah, see, we got all
these plastic bottles.

I knew there was
a reason we didn't recycle.

Yeah.

Where'd you put the
scissors, Butt-Head?

Uh, I don't know.

Get these.

A drill maybe.

Drill.

Beavis, if you're going
to put a hole in this couch,

I'm kicking your a*s.

Oh.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, I'll think
of something else.

Oh, I know.

I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
the microwave.

Yeah, check this out.

Uh, Beavis?

It smells like
plastic's burning.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it is.

It's melting.

Check it out.

Fire! Fire!

I'm just gonna take this.

Just set this here.

Let me get my pants.

Now, just, uh-- just shape
it to my schlong, see?

Come to papa.

Ahh!

Dumbass.

Ow.

Ah!

God damn it.

There's Stewart's house.

g*dd*mn dirty butthole.

Stupid son of a b*tch.

Stole my bike.

That's right.

He sure did.

When he opens this door,
you should kick his a*s.

Beavis and Butt-Head?

You finally came over to visit.

Damn you, Stewart!

I'm going to kick your
a*s because you stole--

You want to come
in for a beer?

A beer?
Yeah, OK.

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

Sure, yeah.

Beer would hit the spot, yeah.

This is what it's
all about, right?

Mmm.

Beers with your best
friends from high school.

I mean, I'm not a big
drinker, but Kaitlyn made some

of her famous cucumber water.

Are there any more beers?

No, uh, sorry, guys.

I think that's it.

That's enough, Stewart!

There's a time in a
man's life when he's

not going to take it anymore!

So today, I'm going
to kick your fat a*s--

This is just like old times.

Let's get some pizza.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
pizza sounds cool.

Yeah.
OK, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Buy us some pizza.

Man, we had some good times.

Hey, remember when you
locked me in the closet

and forgot I was in there?

You guys, always giving
me the business--

Shut up, butthole!

It's finally time
to kick your a*s--

Oh, Kaitlyn's
home from the pool.

OK, yeah, let's check
out what your wife looks

like in a bathing suit.

That'd be cool. Yeah.

Ooh, good idea.

Kaitlyn, honey, look who
finally came over to visit me.

Oh, you must be Beavis and
Butt-Head, Stewart's friends.

Stewart's told me so much about
how you were the three amigos.

You know he talks
about you constantly?

So, what brings you by?

Um, wait, why would
we ever come here?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Stewart,
you stole my bike.

This bike?

That's right, butthole.

Yeah.

Kick his a*s.

Oh, no, you're
misremembering.

That's not what happened.

Check out Beavis's bike.

I'm going to throw
it in the river.

But that's friendship, huh?

People giving you the business.

Damn it!

I'm gonna k*ll you, Butt-Head.

Ahh!

Damn it, Beavis,
I'm gonna stick that

up your butt sideways.

You like that,
damn son of a b*tch?

I've hated you for 30 years!

I'm gonna k*ll you! Ahh!

- Damn it, Beavis.
- Ahh!

Don't worry, Kaitlyn.

I'll kick--

Guys, do you want
some mini quiches?

Kaitlyn made them
for her book club,

but you can have
them if you want.

What?
Huh?

Oh, no, no.

No, I'm stuffed.

We ate a bunch of those little
cheese pies in the fridge.

Yeah.

They sucked.

- Ahh!
- Ugh!

Guys?

Hey, guys.

Honey, I'm trying.

Damn it.

Uh, sorry about that.

Do you have any more beer?

Is it OK if I sit in
the back with Beavis and--

No.

Thank you, Stewart's wife.

Drive through.

Listen, Kaitlyn and I are
really upset about the--

mostly great hang, guys.

Maybe next time at your place.

Uh, no.

Classic.

You guys.

Stewart sucks.

Yeah, really.

Hey, Butt-Head, I think

we got enough coins out of the
river to get the bike fixed.

Uh, that means it's enough
money to buy beer

with, dumbass.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, beer rules.

You're a good friend,
Butt-Head.

You're damn right.

Chirp.