(theme music)
GEMMA: Hey, Fiona, is The Wizard of Oz
offensive to witches?
My parents were watching it last night.
It was on that Witch Heritage Month
movie marathon.
And when what's-her-name got melted
with water, I was like, "what?"
I mean, I've seen Fiona wash her hands.
Yeah, it's not exactly accurate.
Like, does she never take a shower?
And why'd they make her green?
Well, maybe they were making a point
about the environment.
- Mm-hm.
- Don't be stupid, Lianne. Come on.
This is why you need
more representation in film.
I mean, whatever. I don't really care.
I'm, like, barely a witch anyway.
Hey, aren't you gonna eat?
Not that hungry.
(school bell rings)
So, are you guys around this weekend?
Because I'm seriously failing chemistry,
and you're way better at it.
Hard pass. You almost blew us
to smithereens last time.
I did not!
Lianne, did you or did you not
set my hair on fire?
(cackles)
(laughs)
(soft music)
- You're blushing.
- What?
I'm not.
You've been crushing
on Emilio for forever.
Just ask him to the dance.
(chuckles)
I don't know.
Come on, just live a little.
Lianne, please.
Live a little.
(laughs)
Besides, the dance is for everybody,
not just for people
who peak in high school.
I heard that, Gemma.
I know you did, Madison.
I also heard you talking about Emilio.
Thing is, is he's already going
to the dance with me.
Try not to cry.
Oh, wait, can witches even cry?
Oh, yeah, I've seen Fiona cry
lots of times.
Thank you, Lianne.
Nice hairy wart, by the way.
(chuckles)
I don't know what Emilio sees in her.
Perfect features and smooth skin?
I, uh, I gotta go.
Perfect features?
- But it's true. I just
- Are you dehydrated? Come on.
(Cool enough by almost monday)
Listen now, it's the sound of
someone you're trying to be like ♪
Be like ♪
Am I cool enough ♪
- Whoo ♪
- For your love? ♪
- (hissing)
- Sorry if I don't fit your description ♪
Cool enough, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪
- Whoo ♪
- Somebody tell me ♪
Am I c-c-cool enough? ♪
(school bell rings)
- (students chatter)
- I recommend the extra credit.
Some of you need the points.
(indistinct chatter)
Fiona. Everything all right?
Yeah. I, um
(clicks tongue)
Uh, I was just wondering if maybe
I could do my report on someone else?
But I chose your great-aunt
especially for you.
It'll be exciting to dig up
your family history.
Maybe you can even find out
what she was like.
Just imagine,
to be a witch in the colonial era.
(sighs)
Yeah, thing is, she's still alive.
- Oh.
- (Fiona chuckles)
Still in Salem, actually.
Yeah, she owns a cupcake shop.
Even better, a living resource.
Fiona, you're the only witch
in our whole school.
You're so lucky.
Lucky. Right.
Oh, by the way,
my wife and I sent our samples in,
and we found out
that we're both part-witch.
We're each one percent. Isn't that neat?
- Yeah.
- We're pumped.
Doesn't mean anything, but, um
(mumbles)
- (laughs)
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, scary.
- I don't think it works like that but
- No, it doesn't.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hey, Fiona, hang on.
Emilio.
Um Hi.
Hi.
So so what's up?
Just heading home
after a long day of learning.
(Emilio chuckles)
That's pretty crazy
that Mr. Barnett gave you your own aunt.
Yeah, but at least all I have to do
is make one phone call.
Yep, that's true. Yeah, you got off easy.
- You can just relax all weekend and
- Yeah.
(exhales)
Speaking of which, uh,
what are you doing Friday?
CAT FAMILIAR: Yes, excuse me. Down here.
Fiona?
(clicks tongue, gasps)
Sorry.
What am I doing Friday?
How may I serve you today,
Your Witchiness?
FIONA: I don't need serving. Go away!
Um, I don't know. Is, is there something
Will you go to the homecoming dance
with me?
You say,
if you don't have any plans, I mean.
CAT FAMILIAR: Yes, excuse me again.
Are you quite certain
you don't need anything?
Not even a curse?
I mean, I could scratch
the boy's face off for you.
- (snaps fingers)
- No, no. Don't!
I thought you were going with Madison.
Madison? What? No.
FIONA: I'm I
(mouths)
Yes.
- Yeah. I'd love to.
- Yeah?
Okay, okay. Great. Great.
So I'll just
I'll pick you up at your house then.
(thuds)
My house.
- (fire crackling)
- (humming)
(door opens, closes)
FIONA: Hi, Mom!
Hey, honey.
I see you filed your claws again.
Bye, Mom!
- FIONA'S DAD: Oh, hey, pumpkin.
- Hey, Dad.
- Do I smell wart remover?
- FIONA: Bye, Dad!
Am I cool enough ♪
- Whoo ♪
- For your love? ♪
Sorry if I don't fit your description ♪
Cool enough, nah-nah, nah-nah ♪
- Whoo ♪
- Somebody tell me ♪
Am I c-c-cool enough? ♪
I'll be working overtime
to file the motion to dismiss,
so you won't be seeing
much of me next week.
Or you could bewitch the judge.
(chuckles)
Kidding. Just kidding.
We'll just have to destroy you
in Poisoned Apples to Apples
next game night, hmm.
- Right, Fi?
- Right.
(inhales)
So, I have some news.
- Is everything okay?
- FIONA: Yeah.
Everything's great, actually.
(inhales)
I just wanted to let you know
that I'm going to
the homecoming dance on Friday.
With a boy.
- MOM: Oh, how nice!
- A human boy?
FIONA: He's coming to pick me up here,
and I need you to promise me
that you will be normal.
No spells, no spider webs,
nothing weird, okay?
Dad, what did I just say?
I just I want Emilio to know
that I can be normal.
Sure, sweetie.
FIONA'S MOM: We'll be normal.
(groans, clicks tongue)
I wonder if Luna
would wanna go to the dance.
Luna? Like Cousin Luna?
She's arriving from England after dinner.
(coughs)
Luna's coming here?
Tonight?
For how long?
Just a few months.
Her parents are renovating
the gingerbread cottage.
They're finally giving in
and getting electricity.
We thought it'd be nice for you
to have another witch your age around.
Especially Luna.
Those visits when you were little
Up all night, giggling.
Yeah, but, um
Does it have to be this week?
You're not excited to see Luna?
No! I am.
I love Luna. She's great.
She's
(inhales)
just a little
A little what?
Fresh off the broomstick.
- (wind howls)
- (whooshes)
(wind gusting)
- (rumbling)
- (gasps)
- (swooshing)
- (gasps)
(utensils clinking)
- (wind howls)
- (all groan)
- Honey, watch the plants!
- FIONA: Got it, Dad!
(whooshes)
- (shatters)
- (Fiona screams)
(wind howling stops)
(speaking Latin)
Omnibus bene erit.
- So glad you made it safely, Luna.
- LUNA: Oh.
- FIONA'S DAD: Hey.
- Hi.
Tornado travel
can be tricky overseas, huh?
Well, how else was I supposed to get here?
A magical fireplace?
- (cackles)
- (Fiona's mom and dad laugh)
Long time, cousin.
Grown a few chin hairs
- since I last saw you.
- How are you?
It's good to see you, Luna.
Hmm.
So, lots to see here in the States.
I guess you'll be traveling a lot,
flying around.
Oh, no. Luna's going to school
with you, honey.
What?
FIONA'S DAD:
Yeah, we already enrolled her.
Is there a problem, Fi?
No, no.
I mean
(inhales)
It's just that it's a
human school. Blah.
And, uh, I just don't want Luna
to have a bad time, is all.
If it's good enough for you,
it's good enough for me.
Don't you worry, cousin.
We're going to have a grand time.
- You'll see.
- Um
(both laugh)
Right. Suffolk.
- I'd almost forgotten about that.
- It was brilliant.
And your idea, as I recall.
Hexing cows to make chocolate milk.
- Kind of a no-brainer.
- (chuckles)
The townsfolk went positively mad.
What fun.
(chuckles)
Especially the cheese makers.
Chocolate cheddar. Not good.
Aw. I can't wait to meet your friends.
Ooh, we should all go spirit chasing.
Listen, Luna.
Things are different
from when we were kids.
Obviously.
We're old enough to use our wands now.
Just imagine the power
of our hexes combined.
Chocolate milk for days.
Just follow my lead. Okay?
Okay.
(rustles)
(lamp switch clicks)
DJ: You're listening to BroomBro.
A production of Witch Public Radio.
- Good morning, Fiona.
- The only podcast dedicated
to witch founders and their lifestyle.
Today, the topic your
BOTH: You're going like that?
What's with all the make-up?
- I can't even see your witch's mark.
- Aw!
Oh, don't do that.
And those shoes
can't possibly be comfortable.
I'll be fine.
Maybe lose the hat.
Yeah, we have a strict dress code
at school.
But it's the latest style.
You girls might wanna get a move on
if you don't wanna be late.
Don't worry, Uncle Arty.
- Got a ride right here.
- (pops)
Brand new Windrover.
This baby will do 75 kilometers an hour.
- Faster if the wind's at her back.
- Uh-uh.
No way.
I am not flying to school.
(clicks tongue, chomps)
(sighs)
Suit yourself.
(indistinct chatter)
How was the walk?
Invigorating.
God, Fiona, you didn't tell us
you had a cousin.
LIANNE: Or that she was a witch.
GEMMA: Of course,
she's a witch, you idiot.
But we haven't met the rest
of Fiona's family
because she won't let us come over.
Is that so?
LIANNE: Yeah.
I love your hat.
Oh, thank you.
You know what they say.
"A witch without a hat is pointless."
(laughter)
GEMMA: They think is.
That's so fun.
It's also quite versatile.
I can dress it up for a night out.
- (Fiona gasps)
- GEMMA: Oh, wow.
- Wow.
- Sparkly. So cool.
Or Christmas.
(Gemma and Lianne gasp)
Christmas So pretty!
(Lianne giggles)
(Gemma gasps)
Do you have any more cousins?
- I have none actually.
- (girls giggling)
Wait, so you're saying
there's no school dungeon?
Where do you keep your dragons?
I haven't seen a single ghost all morning.
(Madison scoffs)
Oh, look it has a friend.
Well, at least you have trolls. Hmm.
That reminds me.
- (thuds)
- (meows)
Not that.
- Nope.
- (keys jingle)
(clicks tongue)
It's not this.
- My grandmother's.
- Ooh.
(clicks tongue)
Ah. Here we are.
Probably left it behind
because it didn't fit
into your teeny-tiny pockets.
Are you crazy?
You can't bring wands to school, Luna.
(whispers)
They're dangerous.
Thought that didn't matter
in this country.
(school bell rings)
(thuds)
Just be cool, okay?
I am cool.
(quirky music)
GIRLS: Double, double toil in trouble
Fire burn, and cauldron
(gasps)
(laughter)
(soft upbeat music)
(snaps fingers)
And taste it in our dreams ♪
It's the wicked little things
that haunt me ♪
(laughter)
- (P.E. class laughing)
- TEACHER: Try again.
(snaps fingers)
(applause)
(soft upbeat music continues)
Oh, my gosh. Look at them.
The secret to witch cuisine
is plenty of garlic and heat.
(zaps)
(abrupt cough)
- (coughs)
- LUNA: Mmm.
Is it supposed to wriggle like that?
(slurps)
Early settlers traded goods
with the local covens
in return for charms
and protective spells.
They even adopted some witch customs.
Luna, Fiona.
Can you tell us any customs
that came from witches?
Why are you asking us?
(whispers)
Luna.
No, no, let him answer.
Why us?
Well, because you know.
Because we're witches?
(whispers)
Luna, cool it.
I certainly didn't mean any harm,
I, I, I just thought you
You just thought,
"Let's call on the abracadabras.
They'll have the answer.
They know everything. They're magic."
Makes me sick.
(scoffs)
I mean, honestly, you call this teaching?
(Luna chuckles)
I voted for a witch in the last election.
- (school bell rings)
- Urgh, what a nightmare.
Still, it's kind of wild
there's two witches in school.
It's horrifying.
You remember seventh grade
when Fiona magically made bugs fly
out of everyone's hair?
Oh, right. The great lice incident.
They were moths, actually.
And I was pulling wings
out of my hair for days.
Oh, she's such an embarrassment.
Definitely.
- (door opens)
- (retreating footsteps)
(dramatic music)
Hey, where are you hurrying off to?
Out of the way, warthog.
Uh
Hey, what did you just say?
Luna! Stop it!
You let her talk to you like that?
Let go of me!
Try a curse on for size, you brat.
Luna! Stop!
- Boo.
- (gasps)
Hope you're ready for the dance, Fiona.
It's gonna be wicked.
- (scoffs)
- (indistinct chatter)
What?
I wasn't really going to curse her.
Well, all right,
maybe just a little pig's tail.
I didn't ask for your help, Luna.
All I asked was for you to be cool,
but no, you just
you had to go and embarrass me.
(whispers)
In front of the whole school.
- Embarrass you?
- FIONA: Yes!
(sighs)
Why'd you have to go and be such a
(sighs)
Such a witch?
Why can't you all just be normal?
(indistinct chatter)
- (knock on door)
- (gasps)
Hey.
Hey.
You look very pink.
(soft chuckle)
(chuckles)
I mean in a good way.
- Fi, I
- (doorbell chimes)
Well. Saved by the bell, eh?
Yeah.
(Stars Across The Sky by Bien)
If you're the fire ♪
Won't put it out ♪
If your color's gone won't let me ♪
And it's pulling me down ♪
Down, down, down ♪
You and me, we can be magic, magic ♪
Wow. You
You look beautiful.
Thanks. You look beau
I mean, you look great, too.
All right, all right,
enough with the googly eyes.
Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom.
Be back by midnight,
or I'll turn you both into pumpkins.
(chuckles)
- I mean it, I actually will.
- (door opens)
- Have a good time.
- (door closes)
- Honey.
- Hmm?
Take off the tracking spell.
(sighs)
Fine.
(snaps fingers)
Put your hands up
if you're feeling good ♪
Feel like if everybody know you should ♪
Put your hands up ♪
Oh, here she is.
Oh, my God!
(indistinct chatter)
How about a photo?
Make a memory?
Let's just go dance instead.
You don't want a picture with me?
No! No, no, no, no, that's not it.
I, I really, really want
a picture with you.
It's just that I
'cause I have crazy sensitive eyes
and, you know, the flash and
(sighs)
(upbeat music)
I wanna remember every minute of this.
(upbeat music playing)
(crowd laughing, cheering)
(indistinct chatter)
(gentle music playing)
Thanks for asking me.
Thanks for saying yes.
- So, sensitive eyes.
- (inhales)
Yeah, my whole life.
No camera flashes, headlights.
Sunlight's a k*ller.
They're nice eyes.
(chuckles softly)
(indistinct chatter)
(wind howling)
What's happening?
What is it, a power surge?
(thunder rumbling)
(thunder crackling)
(wind howling)
- (crowd screaming)
- ATTENDEE 1: What's going on?
ATTENDEE 2: c*ck!
(shouting)
(all clamoring)
(indistinct chatter)
(crowd screaming)
(screaming continues)
(all clamoring)
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
(sobs)
Why are bugs falling from the sky?
(Gemma groans)
Is it your cousin?
What? No, she's not even here!
LIANNE: Then, is it you?
(indistinct chatter)
(crowd screaming)
I can't believe you'd ask me that.
But Fiona, who else could it be?
Hang on. Everybody, just calm down.
- (Gemma groans)
- (Lianne pants)
I didn't do it.
Wait, Fi
Why did you say that?
Oh, my God, there's one on your shoulder!
Oh, my God.
(sobs)
(crowd screaming)
Get them off!
(boy groans)
They're literally everywhere!
(screams)
What are you doing here?
I was feeling terrible
about how we left things.
I came to apologize.
(clicks tongue, sighs)
I'm the one who should apologize.
(Fiona sniffles)
I felt so alone, Luna.
I tried so hard to fit in,
but it didn't matter.
No matter what I do,
all they'll ever see me as is a witch.
(breathes sharply)
Love
(inhales)
I had the blessing of growing up
surrounded by witches and warlocks.
But you you're under
a different kind of pressure.
It's not easy, being one of a kind.
I should have remembered that.
You know what?
If they're gonna see the witch
then let them see the witch.
(sighs)
No more hiding.
(snaps fingers)
(snaps fingers)
(cheerful music)
(snaps fingers)
Now, shall we go back in there
and turn everyone into slugs?
Oh, yeah.
FIONA: Come on.
(both cackling)
(cackling continues)
(indistinct chatter)
EMILIO (stammers): Hey, are you okay?
I was looking for you everywhere,
and I whoa.
(exhales)
You look good.
I mean, you always look good, but
Wow.
LUNA: All right.
I like him.
Me too.
LIANNE: We were scared and
And weren't thinking straight,
which is no excuse.
We're thoughtless and stupid.
I was thoughtless. You were stupid.
You were both thoughtless and stupid.
You're supposed to be my best friends.
We are your best friends.
We won't let you down again.
Can you ever forgive us, Fi?
(Gemma and Lianne sigh)
MADISON: Aw, still friends
even after Fiona ruined the dance.
Real sweet.
(suspenseful music)
But you're not fooling anyone.
Hey, Madison.
Remember that time
I made bugs fly out of your hair?
- (indistinct chatter)
- (laughter)
Well, that was a mistake.
I didn't have control over my powers yet.
But you?
You have control
over your ugly personality.
(indistinct chatter)
And I'm not gonna let you make
the rest of us as miserable as you are.
(snaps fingers)
(gasps)
(zaps)
GIRL: It was Madison?
(indistinct chatter)
Now, I don't know about you.
But I came here to dance.
(speaking Latin)
Omnibus bene erit.
- (thunder crackling)
- (crowd gasping)
(enchanting music)
GIRL: Wow.
And how you let me hold you on ♪
The dark sidе of the Sun? ♪
Whoa.
Are we still in the gym?
Yes, Lianne, we're still in the gym.
(chuckles)
And does he know you're late for work ♪
Whenever I'm with you? ♪
Wanna try another shot at a dance?
in the morning ♪
Hitch a ride on the breeze ♪
See the light through the trees ♪
Show's over, the same old story now ♪
Is it so much to ask? ♪
You lay in the bed for a moment ♪
Say it isn't a dream ♪
Why can't you stay here ♪
With me? ♪
Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
You're quite sure
you've driven a broom before?
I'm a witch. How hard can it be?
Yeah, it's ridiculously hard.
I'll figure it out.
What?
(sighs)
I
I don't feel alone anymore.
(chuckles)
(snorts)
You were never alone.
(gurgles)
(gasps)
(exhales)
(light music)
Come on.
- Hold on tight.
- (chuckles)
(Emilio screams)
Watch the tree. Watch the tree.
(Fiona cackling)
(mysterious music)
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