01x03 - Canceled

[bunniefuu]

- [Ezra] Previously on Ezra.

If you're wondering what
the f*ck is going on

literally same.

- Wait a minute. Are you like
one of those transformers?

- How much more time you need?

- Just about finished.

- Oh my Ga Ga.

- Remembrance club?

- Mm Hmm, Lots of
people are being like

violently m*rder*d right now.

And we love the gays!

I'm an LGBT plus community ally!

- Hello.

- Hi, lesbo.

What do you want?

- Heads up, Ian from
economics is coming.

- Hey Ezra.

- So, what did you get?

- Oh, I got an iced
vanilla oat milk latte.

Safe bet, it's the
same everywhere you go.

It's the usually...

You good man?

- Never better.

(shoveling)

(dark bass music)

- The worst part about eating is

that humans totally freak out
when they see you doing it.

Like, okay sis.

You can eat a cow, but I
can't eat your brother?

There is a serious hypocrisy
problem with the species

that I will never understand.

I mean, they aren't all bad.

(loud shriek)

(up-beat pop music)

(funky music)

- sh*t.

- Outta your weird juice?

- Yeah.

- Web alert, JJ James
has a show tonight.

How do people still support him?

I thought he was canceled?

- Yeah. What did he do again?

- Pedo. Major, like
the first degree.

He was all over
the news last year.

He was flying out under
each girl, snapping them.

Just gross straight
male behavior.

- Ew, JJ James is
coming to town.

What a freak.

- Wow. At least there's one
thing we have in common.

- Oh, look! It's Walmart
Wednesday and Pugsley Adams.

(giggle)

- And it's the K-mart
Barbie rejects.

And I just got
another assignment.

f*ck me.

You think I could
order a noose online?

- Probably.

- Amaze.

(stomach rumbling)

Get a muffin or something.

(stomach rumbling)

(Sound of pulse)

- [Ian] So, why are you gonna
go see that scumbag tonight?

Hello?

- We, we're not seeing
him, seeing him. Okay?

I'm just curious of the types
of people who would see him.

I'm a psych major.

Keep up.

- Oh, well my sincerest
apologies professor.

- Thank you.

Okay. But now the important
question, what do I wear?

Because I have to look
good for the freak show.

- I think you look
good in anything.

- Anyways.

I heard tonight's
gonna JJ's last show.

- Ouch.

- You hungry?

- Starving.

(heavy metal music)

- Ezra, I don't wanna
see some f*cking sicko.

- Okay, we'll be in
and out in one minute.

Just quickly.

- Ugh, I can smell the
date r*pe in the air.

- Yeah, well you're not wrong.

Okay. Don't k*ll me,

but I have to go the bathroom.

- Ezra, if you
f*cking leave me...

- I'll be right back...

- I'm going to k*ll you, Ezra...

- Hey, Beautiful.

- I got a d*ck and
20 bucks says it's

bigger than yours, pal.

- I can work with that.

- Impressive.

And not the turn I
thought this would take.

(heavy metal music)

(bad piano playing)

- Oh my God, JJ!

I am such a fan.

- Thanks, man.

- You really need to step
up your security though.

- Yeah, clearly.

You want a photo or something?

- I was hoping to
get a meet and greet.

- Yeah, you're you're
here now. So...

- Yeah, but I was hoping to
get the uncensored version.

- Funny.

Get out.

Get out, I didn't say
you could come in.

- I thought you didn't
ask for consent.

- My f*cking security
ain't gonna ask

for f*cking consent when we
throw you outta here, bro.

- Whoa, is that any way
to talk to your elders?

- Elders? You're like 23.

Get out!

- Oh my God. A Pedo and a flirt.

I love it.

I'm actually 559,
but who's counting?

- Security!

- Sorry, but I don't
respect safe words.

You know what the worst thing is

about men like you?

(JJ screams)

- You always get away with it.

(JJ screams)

(Heavy metal music)

- Ezra?

Ezra?

Ezra?

Ezra?

Is that?

Is he dead?

- Yes.

- Oh, thank f*ck!

You know, that son of a b*tch
got out on six attempts of

child molestation
and sex trafficking.

Money can't save
you now, f*ck!

Is the blood tricking thing
really necessary though?

- So...

I'm a vampire and...

- Cool story, Edward.

I don't f*cking care.

The courts didn't get him.

So, I'm glad somebody did.

Just don't k*ll me.

Okay?

- No promises.

- Okay, hurry up
so we can get out.

You owe me McDonald's
for dragging me here.

(up-beat pop music)