01x02 - Zen and the Art of Skateboarding

[bunniefuu]

You know the new word of mouth
is the internet, right?

Camille,
let me get that backpack.

‐All my sh*t's in there.
‐Uh...

I think I forgot it at the park.

‐Look, look, look.
‐Let's go catch that b*tch.

And then once we catch them,

you can get us into Winter Bowl,
deal?

‐Fine. Come on, let's go.
‐Yeah, okay. Let's go around.

‐Yo, Farouk, who is that?
‐That's Indigo.

‐You know Indigo, right?
‐I'm about to.

‐ I'm gonna push you.
‐ Okay. Oh, sh*t!

We're good.

Oh, you have a key. That's cool.
Is it yours?

Yeah, she's cool.
She can come in.

All right. You're good to go.
Skrrt.

‐Camille?
‐What am I supposed to do?

Damn, that b*tch is cold.

All right.

If you have anything else
you need washed,

speak up;
I'm only doing one more load.

‐ I do my own laundry, remember?

‐ Well, you ready
to pay your own rent too?

‐ No.
That's why I'm still here.

‐ What's up with you two?
‐ What is in this thing?

‐ What are you doing?
I told you

I don't want people in my stuff.

‐ Oh, so now I'm "people."

When I made you
that grilled cheese

this morning, I was "Dad."

‐ Elizabeth, where you off to?

‐ Nowhere.
I'm just going out.

‐ Take this with you.

‐ I'm vegetarian, Grandma.

‐ No, you not.

‐ I knew a vegetarian once.

She die.

I want a big smile.

A bigger one.
A louder one.

Bye.

‐ Bro, you f*cking
violated that guy.

‐ I just scared him
a little bit.

‐ It's okay.
What's a grown‐a*s man doing

eating a ice cream cone,
anyways?

‐ Everyone eats ice cream, Kirt.

‐ True.
Whatever.

Can we get away

from these bum‐a*s tourists,
though?

‐ Mm, let's just stay here.

I don't feel like having

a bunch of thirsty‐a*s
skater dudes

looking at me.

‐ Would you rather it be
thirsty‐a*s skater dudes

or thirsty‐a*s that guy?

‐ The cat is so cute, though!

‐ Nah, that sh*t is cute, bro.

‐ It's mad cute.

‐ In case of emergency,

listen for announcements
and instructions

from the bridge.

Please familiarize yourself

with the location
of life jackets on this‐‐

‐ So, Janay,

you had a crazy morning.

‐ Damn right, Donald.
‐ Tell us about it.

Please, tell us about it.
‐ I did.

I'm back with my experience.
‐ Okay.

‐ W‐where do I even start?

Like...
‐ At the beginning, girl.

‐ I ended up on a tour
in my own neighborhood

with a g*ng
of Japanese hipsters...

‐ Oh, no.
‐ And white people in shorts.

We were on what they call

the "Brooklyn...

Edge Graffiti Experience."

‐ Tell us about your experience.

‐ I'ma tell you.
So for 20 minutes,

right, we stared at a mural

depicting Biggie Smalls'
final day,

which, according...
‐ Okay.

‐ To our tour guide, Josh,

was..."raw."

It's so visceral.

It was sh*t.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Right?
And then also‐‐

hold on, hold on‐‐ our last stop

was this Caribbean spot
that I used to go to...

‐ Yeah, yeah, uh‐huh, uh‐huh.
‐ All the time with my dad.

You remember that spot, right?
‐ Yeah, I do.

‐ Now it's a new,
authentic bistro.

‐ New and authentic?

‐ How cool is that?
‐ Authentic sounds delicious.

I can't lie.

‐ Not delicious enough

to erase an entire neighborhood.

‐ Well‐‐ ‐ You've gone too far

when you put picture frames
around b*llet holes,

which this spot had.

Ah!

‐ No, it's new and authentic!

It's new and authentic!
‐ No, stop!

I need to ask you all
a question at home real quick.

Why is it

that you hate graffiti
in your neighborhoods

but will pay good money
to see it

and look at it in mine?

‐ Please answer that question.

‐ Need to know.

Are the comments disabled?

‐ Um...
‐ I'm trying to...

‐ Yes.

‐ Why?

‐ Um... a couple trolls

just crawled out
from under they bridges,

and I just‐‐ I just cut it off.

I just cut 'em off.

‐ Every video has trolls.
That doesn't mean you just...

‐ I know that.
‐ Go and turn the comments off

because a few fools
are talking sh*t.

‐ I know.

I‐‐they were‐‐but they
were, like, talking mad sh*t.

Like, it was unnecessary.
‐ So what?

It doesn't even matter,
because our comments

equals engagement
equals our views.

‐ Okay, yes, I know,
but they were talking

mad sh*t about you.

‐ So?

‐ Look, just let me
keep them off

until it, like,
dies down a little bit,

and then that's that.

I can't help but be
a little bit protective of you.

I'm sorry.

‐ I don't need you
to protect me.

‐ I know‐‐ ‐ You're not my dad.

‐ I know I'm not your dad.
Okay?

I... but I am more
like your twin brother, so...

‐ You know, sometimes

I wish you were my actual twin.

‐ That is precious, Janay.

That is the sweetest thing
you've ever said to me.

‐ 'Cause then I would've just
eaten you in the womb.

‐ And that is so dark.

‐ And then the comments
would be on...

‐ That is just dire.

‐ Oh, come on!

‐ I'm already over it.

‐ Yo, it's fine!

It's gonna be fine.
Yo, it's gonna be mad fun.

‐ You still mad
about the Winter Bowl thing?

Guess so!

‐ Yo, she's mad annoying.

We looked for her bag all day,

and she just went to go chill
with those f*ck.

Come on, I'ma teach you
how to go down this ramp.

‐ What?

‐ Is that Bambi's new video?

‐ Yo, Milton does
the sickest wallrides

right here.

‐ Yo, homey gives zero f*ck.
‐ Yo, is that

Bambi's new video?

‐ Yo, Mike.
I'm right here, bro.

‐ Eww, Charlie,
what's on your shirt?

You always fall for it
every single‐‐

‐ Hardies.
‐ You gonna hit me?

‐ Can't violate you right now.

‐ 'Cause I'm a girl?

‐ No, 'cause I f*cked up
my hand yesterday.

‐ Man...

‐ Yo, guys, this bracelet
right here,

this girl in Utah,
she gave it to me.

She was mad different, yo.

After she gave it to me,

she jumped into the hot tub
at the gym...

‐ "She jumped into
the hot tub at the gym..."

‐ with all her clothes on.
‐ "With all her clothes on."

‐ Even her shoes?

‐ Yes.
‐ Yes.

‐ Okay.
‐ Okay.

‐ I know what you doing.

‐ I know what you doing.

‐ 'Sup, boys?

‐ Yo!
‐ Oh, sh*t!

‐ Speak of the devil.

‐ Ka‐shh!

‐ You know me, bro.

‐ Yeah, baby, tag it.

Everything!

‐ I bet you won't do this.
‐ Bet you won't do this.

Yo!

‐ Hi, Camille.

‐ Hey.
What's up?

‐ Yo, you guys want
to play S‐K‐A‐T‐E?

‐ No.
‐ No, come on!

It's H‐O‐R‐S‐E‐‐
it's like H‐O‐R‐S‐E,

but it's S‐K‐A‐T‐E.

Okay, here.
You can hold on to me.

‐ Ah‐‐ ‐ Yeah!

Nice!
‐ f*ck, yeah.

‐ Mm‐hmm!

‐ Ah!
Ugh.

‐ Hey.

‐ You know those Betties,
don't you?

‐ No, not really.

I saw your last video,

and I was just wondering,

do you, like, hear a song

and then you just know that
that's a song for the clip,

or do you cut up the clip first,

and then lay a song over it?

‐ Depends.
I mean, sometimes

there's something
that I've been wanting to use

or something that, like, I like,

or something I liked
when I was a kid,

and... you know,
if it fits, it fits.

Editing is important, too.

‐ Yeah!

Yo, I love when, um,

like, someone lands,

and the beat goes with it.

I don't know.
‐ Yeah.

‐ I think that's cool.

But I've been watching
your videos

since I started skating.

‐ So, like, six months ago?

‐ No.

I been skating
for, like, ten years.

I...

What?

‐ I know.

I've been watching.

You're good.

‐ Thank you.

Let me get a cigarette.

Wait, but...

my finger might touch
the other ones.

Is that okay?

Like, you're gonna put
your mouth‐‐I didn't want...

you know, your mouth to touch...

Thank you.

‐ You look perfect.

Can you lean back
a little bit, though?

Stand up straight.

Yeah.

Can you do one with your hair
just all behind you?

Perfect.

Ah, you look great.

Ah, that's perfect.
‐ What the f*ck?

‐ Oh, yes.

‐ Why are you taking
her picture?

‐ I'm casting
for a national campaign,

and I'm looking for skaters,
and she would be perfect.

‐ "Tovah O'Malley Casting."

‐ That's me.

‐ Okay, cool.

Well, my name is Janay,

and this is Kirt.

‐ Yo, I'll do it,
but I can't wear dresses!

I gotta stay firm on that.

‐ Okay.

You guys are so cute.
I'm good for today.

Maybe sometime in the future.

But you, call me, okay?

You have my number.
Bye.

‐ Did that really just happen?

Did you really just get scouted

your first day
at the skate park?

‐ I don't know.
It's weird.

‐ This sh*t seems legit, bro.

‐ Yeah, but I'm not gonna do it.

‐ So then why did you let her
take your picture?

‐ I'm vain.

Okay.

‐ Damn!

Yo, she just wild out.

‐ That's disgusting.

‐ That was some impressive sh*t.

No pun intended.

‐ Literally!
‐ What?

‐ I'm referring to the fact

that you just rolled
through poo‐poo.

‐ Oh!
‐ Damn!

‐ f*ck!

‐ Yo, I got you.
Come with me.

‐ Bambi, go help her
clean that sh*t up.

Yo, chill!
Chill!

‐ Hey, I watched your show.
I liked it.

‐ Oh, thanks, thanks!
‐ Nice job.

‐ Yeah, I love doing it.
It's so fun.

I have, like, a bunch of ideas,

like, running through my head
all the time.

It's like, you know those people

who get married on Reddit?

Like, I wanna do one about them.

Or, like, you know how sometimes

you feel bad for your socks

when you don't wear them
for a while?

‐ Yes, do that one.

Um, can I ask you a question?

But don't take offense.

‐ Okay.

‐ Well, how close are you
with Donald?

‐ Real‐‐we're
really good friends.

First boyfriend.

Known him pretty much
my whole life.

Why?

‐ How do you deal
with all the negative comments

and stuff?

‐ Oh, yeah.
Donald had said

that there was some riff‐raff
about that,

but he handled it.

‐ Well...

I took a screenshot.

‐ What the f*ck?

‐ I'm sorry.

‐ That's why he turned off
the f*cking comments.

I gotta go.

‐ Wait, can I have my phone?

‐ Yeah, sorry.

Um, can you just keep this
to yourself?

‐ Yeah, of course.
You okay?

‐ Yeah, I'm fine.

‐ Yo, Honeybear!

Yo, this is, um‐‐

What's your name again?
‐ Ash.

‐ This is Ash!

Yo, good news.
She is g*y.

She is!

It's okay.
She's just shy.

‐ Dig it!
‐ What up?

‐ Are you f*cking serious?

‐ Yo, I'm sorry.
‐ The f*ck is your problem?

‐ I'm sorry!
‐ Yo, back the f*ck off, bro.

She said sorry.
‐ You back the f*ck up.

The problem's with her, not you.

‐ Calm the f*ck down.

Don't tell me that sh*t,
shrimp d*ck.

The f*ck did you just say?

‐ I said you got a shrimp d*ck!
Shrimp d*ck!

‐ Okay, if you weren't
a f*cking female,

I swear to God...
Oh, my God.

‐ If I wasn't‐‐wah, wah, wah.
What's up?

‐ All right, all right,
all right.

‐ You hear this b*tch?
‐ We're gonna have to get

some backup, yo.
Like, this chick's

about to f*ck up Luis!

‐ Yo, f*ck you guys.
You're all pussies!

Oh, what?

‐ Get the f*ck out of here!
Get the f*ck out of here!

‐ Yeah, push me!

‐ Get the f*ck off me, bro!

‐ f*ck you guys.
You're all pussies!

You're all pussies.
‐ Get the f*ck out of here.

‐ Yo!
‐ Indigo, where are you going?

‐ I'm going home, Kirt.

‐ Don't let that guy
run you off.

‐ You said Zen.

This was not Zen,

and I don't want no part
of that hostile bullshit.

Keep the board.
I'm done.

‐ Damn, that kind of sucked.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Hey, how come you ran away

from that girl
you liked earlier?

‐ I don't like her.

‐ Really?
'Cause it seems like you do.

‐ I don't like her.

‐ You too?

Man, I hate
when this sh*t happens.

‐ Hey!
I need to talk to you.

‐ What?
Whoa, watch out.

‐ Right now.
‐ Why?

‐ Right now!
‐ Okay, okay.

Yo, I'll be right back.
What's up?

‐ Bro, what the f*ck?
‐ What?

‐ You said that you
turned off the comments

because people
were talking about me,

but that's not it.
You lied.

‐ f*ck!

‐ Why would you lie?
‐ Yes, I lie‐‐okay.

f*ck.
Jeez.

I lied.
I lied.

I said that.
I don't...

I don't‐‐f*ck.
I just have so much sh*t

coming at me from all sides
right now, Janay.

I just really don't need it
from you, too, okay?

‐ What the hell is going on?

f*ck.

‐ Can you please just
talk to me?

‐ I can't, man.
I f*cking can't.

I'm like‐‐I'm just really afraid

you're gonna think it's true.

I don't want to tell you.

‐ Look, whatever it is,
if it's something bad,

even if it's something
you feel like you did

and you regret...
‐ I didn't do anything.

‐ It's fine.
We'll get through it.

‐ I didn't do anything.

Okay?

Some girl caught feelings,
and I didn't catch them back,

and now she wants to destroy me,

and she's just using
this MeToo sh*t

because she knows it'll work.

That's it.

‐ But did you do anything?

‐ Janay.

Jesus, man.
Of course I didn't do anything.

That's why I didn't
want to tell you,

because as soon as your name
is linked with this sh*t,

you're automatically guilty.

Like, you're f*cked for life.

‐ Okay, then you fight back.

‐ I ca‐‐ ‐ Make a video,

and we could say
what actually happened.

‐ That's not gonna work.

‐ Why not?

‐ 'Cause people don't want
the truth, Janay.

They just want
a witch hunt, man.

Like, I'm terrified.

Being inside this,
this is f*cking scary.

I could lose my job.
I could lose our show.

You think people want
to watch a f*cking YouTube show

with a predator as a host?

And anything I say
will just make it worse.

I'm just‐‐there's literally
nothing I can do.

I've tried to think of sh*t.

‐ Okay, well, then
maybe there's something

that I can do.

Okay?
Maybe I can do something.

What's her name?

‐ I don't...

‐ Just tell me her name.

‐ You have a lot of plants.

‐ Plants are super important.

They actually create
a ton of oxygen.

They're, like, constantly...
regenerating the air.

‐ Well, wouldn't you need,
like, a thousand plants

for that to work?

‐ Well, these are succulents,
so it's different.

Hand me that screwdriver.

Succulents.

‐ You can sit down.

Oh.

Sorry.
I just... forgot.

‐ This is your new board,
by the way.

‐ What?

Really?

I‐‐don't‐‐

don't play around with me
like that

if it's not my board.

‐ Relax.
It's nothing.

‐ Well, okay.
Thank you.

That's really nice of you.
You didn't have to do that.

It's nice of you.

So how did you
get into skateboarding?

‐ I was kind of lost
after my mom died.

‐ Oh.
I didn't know.

‐ That's why they call me Bambi,

'cause my mom died in the woods.

‐ Really?

‐ No.

But I was young,
like in the movie, though.

‐ Yeah, I know about the movie.
I never seen it, but...

‐ You've never seen "Bambi"?

‐ No, but I know
what happens in it.

Like, the mom deer dies,
and the baby g‐‐

‐ I've actually
never seen it either,

but don't tell anybody,
'cause...

‐ You sh‐‐you, of all people,
should see the movie,

'cause your name's‐‐
‐ You're all set.

Thanks.

It's nice.

‐ You read
"The Alchemist," right?

‐ Hi, Indigo.
Thanks for coming.

‐ I thought you were done.

‐ I was, until Kirt
started textually harassing me.

‐ Look, Indigo, it's because

I don't want you
to stop skateboarding.

What happened at the skate park
isn't fair.

When a girl runs into a boy,
it's a big f*cking deal,

but when a boy runs into a boy,
it doesn't even matter.

And I want you
to keep skateboarding!

And I also have... these.

We have to go through here.

Oh, yeah!

‐ Those aren't CDs.

‐ They are.
‐ Those are DVDs.

‐ No, they're CDs.
‐ Those?

No, they're not.

‐ No, but they're C‐‐
it's still, like, on a CD.

It's the same‐‐
‐ Those are movies.

‐ The round, circular,
like, shiny thing, right?

That's a CD.
‐ They're discs.

‐ They're CDs, but...

Hey, you have
a pretty good selection.

"Rescue Dawn"...

‐ Thank you.
Thank you so much.

‐ "Memento"?

‐ Yeah.
Have you ever seen that?

‐ Yeah, I saw it in school.

‐ In school?
Really?

‐ Yeah.
I was confused.

Wait, you have "Camp Rock"?

Why do you have "Camp Rock"?

That's like the‐‐ that's, like,

a Disney Channel movie
from 2007.

‐ It's good.

‐ I mean, I thought so, too,
when I was, like, seven.

Interesting.

Whoa.
Oh, you have "The Jerk"?

‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ You're a jerk.

Oh, my God.

‐ Wait, what's this?
What is this?

"Get Off My d*ck"?
‐ Oh, man.

Yeah, that's the first video
I ever made.

I had no idea what I was doing.

‐ All right, well,
let's watch it.

‐ No!
‐ Why not? Come on.

‐ We're not gonna watch
my video.

‐ Come on!
‐ No, no, no, no, no, no!

No.

What can we watch?

Oh, I know!

‐ "Camp Rock"?

‐ You ever seen "Downtown '81"?

‐ No.

‐ You know, maybe you and I

should sh**t some clips
one of these days.

‐ Yeah!
No, I'm totally down.

Yo, I was actually thinking
the other day about going

to Columbus Park and‐‐
‐ Oh, shh, shh,

you gotta see this part.
‐ Oh.

‐ Can come true.

Sometime,
it might happen to you.

Basquiat.

‐ Especially when you're young
in New York.

But once upon a time,

this place was a wild frontier,

and every youngster
who was fast on the draw

showed up on these streets
to try his hand.

Anyway, the story
you are about to see

isn't true,

but it isn't false, either.

Any resemblance
between the characters

and events depicted here
and reality

is purely magical.

‐ I awoke.

Had I been dreaming?

I think so.

I tried to remember,
but it slipped away.

But I remembered this place.

Here I was again.

‐ This is our Winter Bowl.

‐ Yeah, except it's summer.

It's Summer's Eve Bowl.

‐ What?
I don't get it.

‐ Summer's Eve Bowl?

‐ So?

‐ Summer's Eve is a d*uche.

‐ Guys, I have something
to confess.

‐ What?

You farted?
‐ No, I did.

‐ Oh.
‐ No.

I like the girl.

‐ Wow.
I f*cking knew it, bro.

‐ Tch. But don't embarrass me
like that again.

‐ Okay, I won't,
but I f*cking knew it.

I knew it.

I knew.
I knew.

‐ I was just reading
this article,

and apparently,
they just figured out

the formula for...

how fast the universe
is expanding.

‐ How fast is it?

‐ I don't know.

‐ Oh, sh*t.
Look.

Shh.

She asleep.

Yo, how long do they need
to take to kick in?

I don't know because I don't
understand time right now.

‐ Where'd you find the rat?
‐ He found me.

I'm on this date
right now with this girl, Ash.

And, uh, I'm trying not
to screw it up.

Wow, look at you.
In the video already.

'Cause cute girls
get more views,

don't you know that?

‐ Where'd I leave my pens?
‐ I'm starting to suspect

you don't think
this situation is serious.

I need more time.

You've got 48 hours.

What's going on with you
and Ash?

You know, things just happened.

This girl Yvette
has been talking sh*t.

We're about to mob, yo,
we need to go.

‐Yo!
‐Are you following me?

It's called fighting
the patriarchy.

How is throwing a skateboard
through a window

fighting the patriarchy?