We're at the hospital
right now.
Lizzie's still in intensive
care, and I haven't
Even seen her yet.
I don't know what's happening.
DOCTOR [OFFSCREEN]: Elizabeth.
Um, all the blood
work is done.
We should get that back
in a couple of hours.
I've notified your doctor,
and he will be here
As soon as he can.
Other than that, all your
vitals are fine.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What...
I'm sorry, Doctor.
What... what does that mean?
I mean...
We'll know more...
Do you have any idea what...
Yeah, we'll know more when we
get the test results back.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ma'am,
what's going on?
DOCTOR [OFFSCREEN]: I...
I don't know.
[WHISPERING] It's OK, baby.
[KISS]
It's OK.
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]
[SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]
What?
[TEARFULLY] It's my fault.
Baby.
Baby, come on.
Don't say that.
[TEARFULLY] Where's my baby?
Don't say that, baby.
Don't say that.
[TEARFULLY] My fault.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, my god.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [SOBBING]
[KNOCK]
You.
Turn the camera off.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: Sir,
I'm Sergeant Wilson.
This is Sergeant Langley.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Officers.
Did you guys, uh, did you guys
come from the house?
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: No,
we came straight here.
Is there anybody
at the house?
SGT LANGLEY [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
we've got a team there.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: Sir,
ma'am, we'd like to ask you a
Couple questions, if
that's all right?
[WHISPERS] Yeah,
it's OK, baby.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: You
two alone last night?
Yeah.
SGT LANGLEY [OFFSCREEN]:
Who's this?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: He's
just her brother.
He just... he just flew in.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]:
Ma'am, did you hear or
See anything at all?
Ma'am, I know this is tough,
but it's very important.
Can you give us any
insight into where
Your child might be?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [SOBBING]
I don't know.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: Ma'am,
have you been under a lot of
Stress lately?
OK, officers...
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]:
Taking any drugs?
We already went over this
with the doctors.
OK?
We went over all of this
with the doctors.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]:
We understand.
We understand.
We're just trying to find out if
there's something that you
Guys can tell us about
your baby.
LIZ: [WHIMPERING]
SGT LANGLEY [OFFSCREEN]: Ma'am,
why... why don't you
Start telling us exactly what
happened last night.
Uh, Officers, look, could
we... could we not
Do this right now?
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: Sir.
Could we just
not do this right now?
SGT LANGLEY [OFFSCREEN]:
It's OK.
Go ahead.
I...
I just don't want to talk
about this right now.
Oh, I understand.
No, I don't...
I don't want you talking
to her right now.
SGT WILSON [OFFSCREEN]: [FIRMLY]
Do not put your hands on me.
[SHOUTING] Do not put
your hands on me!
[LIZ WAILING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Holy sh*t!
[BEEP]
[HEAVY SIGH]
These last few months have been
really hard on us all.
I mean, especially for Liz.
Um, the police have
been investigating
Her and Rick, and...
I mean, the media is...
I mean, the story's
everywhere.
She can't even leave
her own house.
Uh, Rick and I are going to get
her away for a little bit.
Stick her somewhere
peaceful, quiet.
And I'm going to be documenting
it the whole time.
Which I know is weird, but you
know, basically, I have a...
A school project that's
film-based, and I just figured
I could take the opportunity
to show everybody what my
Sister's really like.
Not...
Not what everyone
thinks she is.
I don't know what happened
to the baby.
And I've been trying to
figure it out every
Since I got that call.
But I love my sister, and I
know that she wouldn't do
Anything to harm
her own child.
But I don't really know...
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
[SCREAMING]
Help!
No!
Help me!
Help!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[PANTING]
[POUNDING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Lizzie!
Liz!
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]:
[HYPERVENTILATING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Liz?
[POUNDING]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You're OK...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You OK?
[POUNDING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Rick?
[POUNDING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Rick, open up!
f*ck...
Liz!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey!
Hey!
Come on, stop, stop.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude,
what is going on in there?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: She's fine.
It's just a bad dream,
all right?
Why... why is the camera on?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude, what
is happening in there,
Man?
She just had a bad dream.
She's going back to sleep.
Go to bed.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Go to bed.
[SARCASTICALLY] Go to bed.
Hey, Rick, I feel like I'm
in 1984 in Japan, man.
Ha, ha, that's funny.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
This car is amazing.
No, seriously, are you...
Are you actually...
Are you saving this so that...
In hopes that it becomes a
Collector, and you just, like,
make a ton of money off of it?
Or what's the reason
you have it still?
[SIGH]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I'm just kidding.
Anyway...
Do you ever stop talking?
Um, so we're on our
way to the cabin.
This trip is obviously, you
know, part vacation and, uh,
Part therapy for Liz.
Hey, man, open the trunk.
Um, so, I'm just going
to document the
Healing process of...
Of my sister.
Dude, open the trunk,
seriously.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna
drive away?
That's really cute, man.
Can you open the...
See that lightning out there?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No.
A storm cloud moving in.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Aah.
[IN NERDY VOICE] Hm.
Yeah.
That's really interesting.
I mean, hm, wow.
Oh, look.
Hm, there's a lightning bolt.
Hey, you do you wear aviator
glasses because
You were in the army?
That's right.
That's exactly right.
That makes complete sense.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
God, man.
You should probably go
a little slower.
Um, just... just so we're safe.
Because...
Hey, Liz, will you
turn that up?
The radio?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh,
yeah, that's right.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Let
me just... oh.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: There's...
There's not a radio.
God, this car is just
a piece of junk.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Hey, what, are you
skipping town?
Trying to, uh, avoid the cops
after what they did to...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, hey, Randy.
Randy Kessler.
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What's up, man?
It's me.
It's Evan.
Do you remember me
from high school?
Yeah, I remember you, dude.
Yeah, sweet shirt.
That was the one you wore
at prom, right?
Oh, yeah, hah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
It's nice.
That's awesome.
Lady k*ller, man.
I thought you were up at some
college or something.
I am.
I'm, uh, I'm at Northwestern.
I'm studying film.
Um, actually, I'm doing a
documentary right now.
It's about inbreeding and its
connection with high school
Dropout rates.
Do you think I could interview
you for it?
Heh, heh.
Did you get that yet?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey.
Yeah, I got it.
Hey.
Hey.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Tough guy.
Uh oh.
Relax, man.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Welcome
to the military.
That's right.
Bye-bye, Randy.
Good to see you.
Turn that damn camera off.
Listen, if you were in any real
situation for more than
Like a day and a half,
you would not last.
You know that, right?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What do
you mean, real situation?
You talking about
the army at w*r?
I mean like anything that
really mattered.
Anything that really
counted, you know?
Like where, where people's lives
were on the line, where
It mattered...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Like... like w*r?
Dude, I could...
Anything.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You
know what I could be?
I could go document the w*r...
Like an earthquake, man.
Like, like...
Like a tsunami.
You would be hiding behind the
camera, and in a day and a
Half, you would be just crying
and shriveled up in a ball.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
That's so not true.
I would be there,
documenting...
So you're the smart-a*s.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: On the
forefront of anything going
On, and I would document it, and
I'd make bank from doing
It.
You know, smart-a*s, clever
comments do not get you out of
Situations.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, really?
Does that...
It's not a skill that
matters in life.
There wasn't, like, basic
aboriginal or Native American
People who survived with the
tribe because they were
Smart-asses.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, blah, blah.
What do you do, just sit there
and read encyclopedias all...
Like you're just... ugh.
Smart-a*s comments...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: At least
I entertain people, make
People laugh.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: OK, guys.
Can we play the car game,
or something?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Car game!
And... and, and it not being
antagonizing each other?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
All right.
It's fine.
I'm not...
I'm not... honey, I'm not trying
to antagonize him.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I mean,
I'm not... yeah, we're just...
I'm just trying to
make a point.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: We're
just being men.
I'm just saying,
you know what?
He could probably do better than
a smart-a*s comment every
Five minutes.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Whoa,
there's the train
I'm supposed to catch.
Weee-ooo!
Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga.
[WITH CHINESE ACCENT]
Yang Ming!
Yang Ming!
That train's bound for China.
[TRAIN WHISTLE]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHTER]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [WITH
CHINESE ACCENT] That train's...
That train's bound for China.
[OTHERS LAUGH]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [WITH
CHINESE ACCENT] Hurry, we got
To come onto that.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What's
wrong, baby?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, do
you have a nosebleed, Liz?
Yeah.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, Jesus.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You OK?
Yeah, no, it's fine.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude,
pull over here.
Oh, crap!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Just
wipe it on the seats.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hold
on a second.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: It'll
make them look better.
Babe, we're just gonna
pull over right now.
Yeah.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah, just
tip your head back, baby.
Hold on one second.
Let me...
I'm gonna get you, uh, some
napkins or something, OK?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Seriously,
Liz, just wipe it
On the seat.
Are you going for a beer?
He's such a drunk.
Such a drunk.
He's leaving you for
the alcohol.
You know, this is a sign
for things to come.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Hey, come on.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Chug along, chug...
I think I can, I think
I can, I think I can.
Dude.
Wow, this is actually nice.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Wow.
I think that's the first
nice thing you've
Said the whole way.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Wow, man.
Seriously, this is
really nice.
'K, stop... stop the car, dude.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey, you wanna
wait till I'm in park?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wow.
Look at that thing.
Freaking huge.
Oh, sweet, a barbecue.
Check out the view.
Wow.
Wilderness.
Hey, buddy, you want to come
help with the bags?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll be there in a sec.
You get most of them though.
Oh my god.
Dude, a hot tub.
This is a hot tub!
I'm bringing the ladies over!
Whooo!
This is gonna be
the best trip.
Oh, yeah.
Check this out.
What's going on?
Holy sh*t.
[THUNDER ROLLS]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You
gotta eat more.
You shouldn't be losing weight.
Um...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
A-a-a-a-hem-hem.
Oh, sorry.
Did I, uh, interrupt, there?
No, you're fine.
You gonna have that camera
on all the time, man?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
I am, actually.
The whole trip.
Anyway.
Uh, I'm headed to bed, guys.
I was just going to see what's
going on tomorrow.
Um, I think we're
going shopping.
Yeah, we should hit the
grocery store, yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Grocery?
Store?
Food?
Yeah, [INAUDIBLE], yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You cooking?
I will probably be
cooking, yes.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Will
you be wearing an
Apron, is the question?
[BOTH LAUGH]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Anyway, I'm...
I'm going to bed.
Do you want to go
in the morning?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Uh, uh...
I don't know.
We'll see in the morning.
I'll try to...
I'll try to wake you up.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
just give me a... give me a
Little nudge, and I
might hiss at you.
Mm.
OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
All right, good night, guys.
Good night.
Well, that went, uh,
that went OK.
Took a little while to get
here, but we are here.
So that's good.
Yeah, I'm just trying
to keep things
Light, keep Liz laughing.
Of course, Rick thinks
I'm not taking
Things seriously enough.
But, um, I'm just trying
to be normal, you know?
Because honestly?
This isn't normal.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, Lizzie.
Good morning.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You
doing a little reading?
Yeah.
Yeah, Rick got me a book.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Cool.
Hey, can we do the interview
right now?
Right now?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, is that fine?
Um, can we just wait
a few minutes?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Sure,
yeah, no problem.
I'll just... how about
I come get you?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
OK, sure.
I'll be in my room.
OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Cool.
How are you and Rick doing?
Good.
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: How's
he dealing with the loss?
Um...
I, you know, it's hard,
I think, for him.
But yeah, he's...
He doesn't really show it.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Can you
tell me about the night you
Lost your baby?
Um.
Yeah, um, it was, uh...
J-just a night.
A normal night.
Um, and I think...
I think I fell asleep reading.
And um, and then I woke
up in the morning.
Really early in the morning.
And, um...
Everything was really
normal, except, um...
I just wasn't pregnant
anymore.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: How far
into the pregnancy were you?
Um, seven months.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Was
it it a boy or a girl?
It was...
It was a girl.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Did you
pick out a name for her?
[CLEARS THROAT]
No, we didn't pick out a name.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Do you
ever wonder what she would
Have looked like?
No.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK?
What are you going
to do with the...
The baby room?
I don't know.
I hadn't thought about it.
I think Rick will probably
take care of that.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
And all of her toys?
Do you remember how Mom would
always, um, she always thought
We didn't need all the toys
that we had, so she'd
Constantly be taking loads
to the Goodwill?
The ones that she "didn't think
we played with a lot."
Do you remember that?
She gave away that A-frame
house of mine.
I was so pissed.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, I...
I remember.
She never even asked,
you know?
She just, like, took them
to the Goodwill.
Mom.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Yeah, no, I remember that.
Um...
Ev?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah?
I'm gonna ask you something.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
of course, Liz.
Um...
Can you... can you promise
me something?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Just promise that
you won't leave.
That you won't give
up on me, please?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, of... of course.
No, I'd never leave you.
No, we're gonna be fine...
[SHARPLY] 'Cause I didn't
k*ll my f*cking baby, OK?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
[KNOCK]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, Lizzie?
Yeah?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey.
Hey.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wow,
you're already making, making
The bed here.
What, did Rick pee
the bed again?
Or is he on his period?
Ha, ha, ha.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey, do
you want to go for a swim with
Me, or a walk, or something
like that?
No, know you know what?
I think I'm just gonna stay
in, take it easy.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Seriously?
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: We came
all the way out here, and
You're gonna stay inside?
Today, yeah.
Are you seriously pouting
right now?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Well,
I just think it's...
I don't know.
Aw.
Oh.
[IN BABY VOICE] Does my little
brother want me to make him
Some lunch?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [IN BABY
VOICE] Yes, he does.
Yes.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [IN BABY
VOICE] Yes, he does.
What does he want?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Um, a rump
roast and a rack of lamb.
Oh.
Huh.
OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
as fast as possible.
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Good.
You know what?
Um, Rick is outside.
How about you go help him?
And maybe find out if he wants
some rack of lamb.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
Or maybe see if he wants to sell
his car any time soon.
OK.
Or that.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, Rick.
You out here, man?
Rick!
Oh, what's up, dude?
Wow, Paul Bunyan himself.
Look at that guy.
Heh.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Such a man.
Oop, excuse me.
I'll go this way.
I was going down the stairs,
so you go that way?
Yeah, you're...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Are
you going this way?
You're hysterical.
Move out of my way.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, OK.
Hey man, I just wanted
to help you, though.
Seriously.
Can I grab something?
Yeah, actually, here.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, I'll just grab...
I'll just... cool.
Glad I could help.
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: So.
Didn't like that joke, eh?
Little grumpy?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah, it's
about a couple thousand
People, I guess.
Except, you know, peak vacation
periods, it's more.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: This
place is really cool.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
Yeah, I really actually
like this town.
My Aunt Lily and I used to come
down here all the time.
You know, go shopping.
There's a little antique toy
shop around the corner.
Get ice cream, whatever.
It was a lot of fun
when I was a kid.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
maybe I'll come back and do an
Introspective on the place.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot
of interesting
People here, actually.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [LAUGHS]
I'm not going to do that.
Hey, Rick.
Hey, Rick.
What?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey, I
was just wondering, at what
Point do you start wearing shoes
for comfort, as opposed,
You know, for looks?
I mean, the tennis shoes are
sweet, but do you just run
Everywhere?
At what point do you
think that what you
Think matters to me?
You guys?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Um...
Hey, I'm going to go do
the actual shopping.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
All right.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: All right.
No, it's OK.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Look, look.
Now you pissed off
your sister.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, shut your face.
Check this out, dude.
Bolitachas Watermelon.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Unbelievable
as*h*le.
Dude, check these out.
Bolitachas Watermelon.
Like that?
Bam.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: That
is kind of nutso.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Whoa, nice.
Look at this.
Look at this.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ooh, yeah,
I like those tights.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What
are you looking at?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Is that...
Is that some cheek?
Oh, yeah.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Hey, hey, hey...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Don't do that.
She doesn't know you're
filming here.
Don't do that.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What do you mean?
There's a head attached
to that a*s.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: So?
So maybe you should go
talk to her, instead.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Fine.
You know, like a person.
You can use your funny
lines, you know?
All your clever talk and
all that business?
Here, gimme that.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, I don't have a
Problem with that.
Watch this.
Watch this.
Check it out.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ah, wait
a minute, wait a minute.
Ehh, oh.
GIRL [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, sorry...
CLERK [OFFSCREEN]:
Can I help you?
No, no, that's fine.
Um, I was actually...
I had a question for you.
Excuse me for a moment.
Have you ever tried the
Bolitachas Watermelon?
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
I've tried regular
watermelon...
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wow.
But not Bolitachas.
Mm.
No, I haven't tried it, sorry.
Yeah, excuse me.
Excuse me.
Yeah?
What's your name?
Uh, Evan.
Evan.
Evan.
That's good.
What's with this?
What's with that?
Yeah,
Uh, it's my, uh,
brother-in-law.
He's a little...
[WHISTLES]
Aha.
Runs in the family, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, let me give you a
little bit of advice.
Yeah, yeah.
Greg, be nice.
You're barking up
the wrong tree.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
Grandpa just c*ck-blocked him.
She, uh, could have a man.
[INAUDIBLE]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah, but
I'm willing to find that
Out.
Yeah, well.
Well, this is highly awkward.
Anyway, I'm...
I'm gonna...
Just... before you leave, I
want to introduce myself.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[LAUGHS QUIETLY]
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]:
My name's Evan.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Uh, how do you...
OK.
That's better.
Hey, babe.
You look pretty.
Ah!
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What's that?
So good.
This, my friend, is a number.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Fake number.
From Meg.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Fake number.
The girl I just met in there?
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
$5 if it works.
Yeah, well, uh, it's actually
because I don't wear tennis
Shoes, Rick.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Really?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Got style.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Really?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Ladies love me.
[FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[POUNDING]
[SCREAM]
[LAUGHING] Oh, my...
[EXHALES HEAVILY]
Oh my god.
You should have seen
your face.
Wow!
Wow!
Evan, 1, Rick 0.
You like that?
Start running.
Yeah.
Start running.
Wait, are you serious?
[DOOR BURSTS OPEN]
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh my god.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
My mouth.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
When I scared you, did you
actually sh*t your pants?
No, no, no, I'm serious.
Did you... did...
Did a poop nugget actually fall
out into your panties?
I mean underwear.
Into your underwear.
You know what?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[SNICKERING]
You know what?
You got me.
OK?
You got me.
It's great.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Game's on.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
OK, I'm waiting.
I'm so scared, too.
Hey, don't be scared, now.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey,
check out your wife.
She's actually laughing
at you.
Are you laughing at me?
Mm-mm.
She's not laughing at me.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
She is too.
I know.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No, I have
to document this, man.
I have to document
all this stuff.
[LAUGHS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
This is all...
All film-related stuff, man.
Really?
Call They call this
film-related stuff?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
they actually do.
Speaking of films, Rickster...
Rick...
R-Money?
I don't have a nickname for
you yet, but it's coming.
Those were good.
Oh, I can't wait.
Those were pretty good.
Gee, I can't wait.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What is your...
Your top film of all time?
I got to know this.
OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
'cause maybe this'll bring us
Closer, you know?
You know what?
Valid question.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Bonding moment.
Oh, god...
No, no, honey, it's good.
He needs to know what
actual good film is.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Uh-huh.
Top film of all time,
three-way tie.
Three "Planet of the Apes,"
the originals
With Charlton Heston.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
OK, I'll...
That passes, but barely.
What are you talking
about, barely?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Well, you
were... at least you went
With the original.
If you went with the
Mark Wahlberg one?
Great movie.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wow.
But not top movie
of all time.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: My
camera's about to explode.
No, great movie.
I mean, how do you...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh,
god, it's exploding.
How do you take a classic
series like that and turn it
Into something fantastic?
Hey, I'll just make
films about...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Did
you guys hear that?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
My stupid jokes.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Did you see that?
Do you guys see that?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Yeah, it's, uh...
I don't know.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Are
you hearing this?
It's weird.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: It's
almost blinking.
Hm.
Huh.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: It's
probably some camping
Equipment or something.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Heh heh.
Yeah.
It's probably just kids out
there, f*cking with us.
Whatever.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Hey, it's...
It's kind of cold out here.
Want to go inside, you think?
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Sure.
Sure, if you want to.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey, man,
you want me to grab you
Another one?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, sure.
Why not?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
All right.
I got you, bro-ski.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Oh.
I got a brewski for
my bro-ski...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Babe.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Babe.
OK, here, let's go
to the bathroom.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Uh oh.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Come on.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oof.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Just
keep you head back.
Here you go, baby.
Here you go.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Is it bad?
OK, it's bad.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Oh, all right.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
It's definitely bad.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I'm gonna
get you some more tissue.
Hold on.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, god.
Oh...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: H-here
you go, baby.
Here you go.
Here, can you just... can you
get out of here, please?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK, yeah.
All right.
Wow.
Wow, you look like a walrus.
You should have just used
some of Ricks tampons.
[SNICKERS]
Ha, that's so funny.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ow!
Dude, this is expensive, man.
That hurt?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ow.
Maybe you should get
some gauze pads.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I hate you.
I didn't know...
I didn't know you smoked, man.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
n-neither does Liz, so don't
Say anything.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
All right.
I think I'm ready for you.
Can you come over here?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [EXHALES]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Didn't
the cops come?
No.
The ambulance came, and the
paramedics were just asking
About ab*rtion and all this
stuff, and we couldn't answer.
We didn't do anything,
you know?
And the doctors at the hospital
were all just looking
At us like they knew
what we'd done.
The cops finally showed up.
You know, they wanted our
statements, so they wanted to
Take us to the station.
And so when we got released,
we went to the station.
But they didn't want our
f*cking statements.
They wanted to interrogate us.
They started asking us all these
questions, you know?
Like, if we really wanted a
baby, how our marriage was,
Just all this sh*t.
And, uh, just f*cking
bullshit.
And then they let us go.
And they looked around
for like a day.
And they told us not to leave
town, because they were
Watching us.
They didn't say that, but that's
what they were doing.
They were f*cking watching us.
And, uh...
You know they checked
our plumbing?
They checked our f*cking
plumbing.
Like we f*cking...
Then the media, and the town,
everyone started, like,
Looking at us like we'd
done something.
And so we just left, you know?
I mean, really, honestly,
if I...
I don't know what happened.
I mean, it doesn't
make any sense.
And the only person that might
know is Lizzie, and she can't
Remember anything, you know?
She can't...
Maybe it's like, you know, some
guys over there, they,
You know, in the service or
whatever, they just block
Things out because they can't
face it or something.
I don't know.
[TEARFULLY] I built
a crib, man.
I built a crib.
I didn't buy it.
I built it.
And, uh, we were buying clothes
and toys and stuff.
Uh, I'm gonna...
I gotta go check on Lizzie,
so I'm gonna...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: 'K.
[WHISPERING] Jesus.
I don't know...
I don't know what to say.
Um...
I mean, if...
If Rick isn't sure...
I don't know.
Look, L-Lizzie's
my best friend.
And I...
I don't know.
This is f*cked up.
[BEEP]
[BEEP]
[LOW, RUMBLING ELECTRONIC HUM]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
I'll have your
Eggs done in a minute.
Huh?
[INAUDIBLE].
Uh, so this is day three...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Unbelievable.
We're just chilling
in the cabin.
Uh, Liz, I wanted to ask you.
Did you have any nightmares
last night?
Nope.
OK.
How you feeling emotionally?
It's good.
What's so funny?
So, um...
What are you guys...
So what's up with,
uh, the girl?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh!
What's the plan?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
that's right.
I guess I owe you $5.
Because, I mean, the number
was totally real, right?
Yeah.
That's amazing.
I mean, unless, of course, she
steals all your stuff in the
Middle of the night, and
then, I don't know.
I guess you...
I mean, you could pay it back
to me, because then was kind
Of a fake number, really,
'cause it's not really...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Steals...
Steals all my stuff?
So what's the plan?
Are you gonna take her out?
Or bring her back here?
No, yeah, I was just gonna, I
was gonna take her to dinner
And bring her back
here, and... what?
I don't get why you think
this is so funny...
That'll be fun.
It's like you think
I'd never...
No, it'll be fun.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey, honey,
you don't think he's a
Professional, do you?
No.
You're such a jerk, man.
No, we can hang out, we can
all hang out, and then, you
Know, we can leave, so you
can have some privacy.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHS]
That's f*cking hilarious.
You guys are dicks.
I'm leaving.
Aww.
So where did you go
to school, Megan?
I actually graduated from
Brown just this last...
Last year.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Wow.
Oh, that's so cool.
Yeah, it's super fun.
They have a really good writing
program, so yeah.
Is that what you,
uh, are planning
To do, is be a writer?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm working
on a novel now.
I had a... they published one of
my short stories out there,
Which is super exciting.
Oh, that's cool.
Wow.
But, uh...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey, I
didn't think they could, uh,
Light fires on the lake.
[ZAP]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What's that?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: 'Cause
of the water?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Smells terrible!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: No,
there's... there's
Not a tide in a lake.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Ugh, that's so bad.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, god...
What is that?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Really?
Is that how we appear to you?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: That's,
uh, that's how it is.
Maybe we should keep walking.
They just crushed
it and burned it.
They didn't even
try to eat it.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ugh.
Looks like...
[ELECTRONIC ZAP]
[AUDIO CUTS IN AND OUT]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Funny.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, h*, h*.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I tried to
tell her we shouldn't live
Anywhere colder.
Well, I just want... the
White Christmas idea.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: It is
definitely really nice... oh,
God, does he ever turn
that thing off?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No.
You're just so close.
No, I don't.
It's on all the time.
I'm a filmmaker.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Really?
Yep.
But he's never seen
"Casablanca." Literally.
I know.
Yeah.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Never seen it.
That's a travesty.
And don't know where you're
considering your studying, but
I'm just gonna school him.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh,
I gotta go with her.
See you guys.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Bye, children.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Uh, oh.
I'm gonna go watch
"Casablanca" now.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHS]
You know what?
Don't get too excited, OK?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Teach me things.
Teach me movie things, yeah?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: OK.
"Casablanca." Humphrey Bogart.
Ingrid Bergman.
Just so good.
You've never heard...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Respect.
Mad respect.
"Here's lookin' at you, kid?"
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Pop it in.
Let's do this.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Here's
looking at you, kid.
With the little...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Is that
what they say in it?
With the, this?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: That's
where that comes from?
With that guy?
Mm-hm.
One of those.
It's just so good.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I mean,
I'm not that stupid.
Obviously, I know that's
where that comes from.
I just haven't sat down and
watched the movie yet.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Which
is horrible, I'm sorry.
[FEEDBACK WHINE]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ow!
[FEEDBACK WHINE]
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, god!
[FEEDBACK WHINE]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [VOICE
DISTORTED] What the f*ck?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Ow!
Ow!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Aah.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Oh, my ears.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh my god.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Um, all right.
Let me just... uh, let me
check the circuits.
I'll be right back.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Um, so I can't hear.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Did
you have that, like,
High-pitched whistle...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Ev, what did...
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Going
on in your ears?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]:
What happened?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh my
god, I totally had that.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Wait,
what, what...?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I put the
DVD in, and I think I...
I broke something?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
[CALLING] Yeah, lights are on.
Oh my god.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I'm sorry.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: No, it's
not your fault.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: The
lights are on, dude.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
I know they're on.
I turned them on.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Uh, none of
the breakers were blown.
I just flipped the
main circuit.
What happened in here?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I
just stuck the DVD
In and it just started.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Can you
show me what you did?
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: My
ears are bleeding.
OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[SCREAMS]
Whoa!
[LAUGHING]
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Ev.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[LAUGHING]
Sorry, I had to do that.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
So not funny.
All right, I think it's fine.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, that
was pretty good, you guys.
Hey.
How's it going?
Uh, so I'm on cloud nine,
because I just made out with
Megan this afternoon.
Which was awesome.
I'm pretty happy about it.
Oh, and I have to go on record
and point out that why is that
Every time you're in
the cabin in the
Woods, weird stuff happens?
Like, why is that?
It's like the weirdest thing.
I feel like Rick is just gonna,
you know, carry me out
Into the woods and m*rder
me with an axe.
Heh, heh.
Nnnggh.
That wouldn't happen, right?
Guys?
Guys?
No, just joking.
[BEEP]
[ELECTRONIC STUTTER]
[LOW RUMBLING]
[LIZ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
IN OTHER ROOM]
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: It hurts.
Oh, I'm sorry.
[INAUDIBLE].
My...
My baby.
No.
No, no...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey,
what's up, guys?
What are you guys doing?
Hey, get out of the way.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, sorry, man.
What are you guys doing?
Let's go outside?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I'm
just, uh, in the
Middle of this game.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
but we can watch
Football any time, man.
Let's go outside.
We're out here in
the wilderness.
Let's get some fresh air.
Let's go swimming.
I'm actually going with Meg down
to the lake right now.
There's like a rope swing.
We can go jump off it.
Come on.
You want to go?
Sure.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Sweet.
It'd be good.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
it could be fun.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Rick, do
you want to bring anything?
Like a, like a football,
toss around, something?
Yeah, we can bring a football.
Sure.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wow, this
place is really nice.
It's amazing.
My family would just come down
here and have, like, picnics
And lake parties, you know?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Nice.
It's fun.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
That's so cool.
Hey, Liz, you remember that time
Mom and Dad took us to
Lake O'Dell?
And then you ran off with that
kid to "explore," quote,
Unquote?
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
That was horrible.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: And then
when you got back, Dad
Practically castrated him?
Yeah.
Oh, that poor boy.
I couldn't look at him the
same way after he started
Crying like that.
Probably deserved it.
Yeah, our Dad was a little
intimidating.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: He was...
He was a tough guy.
When he was angry.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
When he... yeah,
When you crossed him.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Fun.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Heh, heh.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Where
are they now?
Do you guys have, like, big
Christmas get-togethers?
No, no, they passed away
several years ago.
Ev was about 12.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Sorry to hear that.
Hm.
It's all right.
We did OK.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Seems like it.
Stuck together.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, Liz raised me.
Oh.
Cool.
You did an OK job.
I did OK.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
Eh.
And where did you two meet?
Funny.
Hm?
Where did you guys meet?
Um, at a party.
A friend of mine I was working
with invited me to a party at
His house, and she was there.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: She
was drunk, though.
I was drunk.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: She
had her beer goggles on.
Then she saw you and was
like, I love that.
That looks so good.
That's what happened.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: So mean.
He was, um, he was the
new guy in town.
It's a big deal, you know.
Yeah.
Small towns.
It's kind of a big deal.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You
know what's up.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Slim pickins.
Yeah, indeed.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: When'd
you guys get married?
Um, about four years ago.
Wow.
Four years is a big deal.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Four years is
Way too long, actually.
So, babies?
Are they coming soon?
Four years.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Um, maybe.
We'll... we'll see.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: There's this
super awesome rope swing
That's like...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, yeah.
Rope swing.
You were telling
me about that.
Yeah, my... my bro basically
would, like, peer pressure me
Into jumping off of it, and I
would just sit there and be
Like, no, I don't want to,
please don't make me.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Would
he tie... tie you up in it?
And he's just push me.
No, 'cause then you can't
let go of the
Rope swing, city boy.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Well,
then how do you get
Peer-pressured into it?
I mean, at what point...
Because, see, you know, I mean,
you never really had an
Older brother.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, whatever.
You want to be cooler.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You're full of it.
Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Let's have you see.
Let's see if you can do the
f*cking rope swing.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I can do...
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: All
right, take this.
OK.
So I'm going to go show Rick
how to actually jump off a
Rope swing...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hoo-ah!
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh!
Oh, h*, h*!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh,
he just showed you!
Yeah, whatever, man.
Belly flop.
Belly flop, all the way.
Yeah, watch this.
Watch this.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
I coulda [INAUDIBLE]
A little bit.
What's that?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Let's
see it better, pal.
Yeah, I got you.
This is gonna be easy.
Boo-rah!
Oh my god.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Oh my god.
It's like two feet deep here!
I mean, honestly.
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
You all right?
I face-planted!
[WOMEN LAUGHING]
Owwww!
There's just rocks!
Nobody knows anything.
It's a bona fide mystery.
No doctors, no nothing.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: She just
woke up and it was gone?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Exactly.
We...
We honestly don't know
what happened.
It's... it's messed up.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Wow.
That's... that sucks.
I'm sorry.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No,
that's... no, that's fine.
That's fine.
Wow, look at this tree.
This is incredible.
That is amazing.
Looks like a churro, if you look
at it in a certain way.
You know, or not.
Looks like a tree, also.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: It's
really quiet.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
Probably just an animal.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: We
should probably go.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, no, it's fine.
It's fine.
It's probably just...
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
No, seriously.
We should go.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No, no,
no, seriously, I got you.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: No.
Evan, seriously, please?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, Meg, it's OK.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Please?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
Sure.
Really?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
OK, show me your t*ts.
Are you joking right now?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [LAUGHING]
I'm sorry.
Just kidding.
You really think that
anything's gonna happen with
That thing on?
It's the dumbest thing.
We're in a Jacuzzi, and
you have a camera on?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey,
I bring it everywhere.
Yeah, no.
No, that's... really?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
That's really.
Well, you could turn it off
and see what happens.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Uhm, but
then nobody would know it's...
Duh-nuh.
Duh-nuh, duh-nuh, duh-nuh...
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I'm
gonna turn it off.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
OK, good.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: All
right, now tell me about how
You feel about the modern
warfare over in Iraq.
And tell me about your...
You're just... now you're
just mocking me.
I get it.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I
would never mock you.
Oh, yeah, you're
a documentarian.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I'm not that person.
No, I just feel like
you're kinda being...
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: So hey,
hey, Evan, how... how are your
Emotions today?
You're looking better.
What... what has led to that?
What... well, well...
OK, let me just tell
you something...
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wait,
wait, wait, did you see that?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: What?
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: That.
Right... right there.
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Holy sh*t.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: f*ck, the
the light just went off.
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]:
What the f*ck?
Holy sh*t.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Is there, like, a...
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: f*ck,
what is that?
That's weird.
Holy sh*t.
Look at my... my lights
on my dashboard.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What?
Oh.
Is it...
Is the car...
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Uh, yeah,
I got nothing here.
Oh my god.
This is weird.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, god,
I'm kinda freaked out a
Little bit.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Reoooowwwwwrrrrr.
Rooowrrrr.
[HISS]
[LAUGHS]
God damn.
Who has this in their
living room?
[HUGE THUD]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[LAUGHTER]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
g*dd*mn it, Rick.
You didn't even scare me.
Such a jerk.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What are
you doing down here?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hello?
Rick...
[SHOUTING] g*dd*mn kids!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey, quiet.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [SHOUTING]
Get of our porch!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Be quiet!
Stop screwing around, Evan.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude,
there's kids on our porch.
Jesus, go back to sleep.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: There's
kids on our porch.
Go back to sleep already.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Fine.
Anyway, it was legitimately
frightening.
I mean, I was scared
out of my mind.
I don't get, like, why
you guys aren't...
It was scary.
Like, what...
Scary.
Could you hand me watermelon?
Yeah.
Anyway, it's...
I mean, I...
I was scared.
Wouldn't you guys be scared
in that situation?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
Yeah, but you're just acting
like it's nothing, like no big
Deal, or I'm, like, crazy.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: No, no, no,
I'm just listening, you know?
I'm trying to gather all the
pieces of the information, you
Know?
Mm-hm.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I
mean, I was there.
You were freaked out.
You were seriously
scared, and...
Yeah.
I mean, I was talking to Liz
last night in bed, and you
Know, I'm fairly certain that
what you saw was a Sasquatch.
Oh.
Which, I mean, if I were you,
I would get out in the woods
And I would get that
on camera.
Because, like, as a historical,
I don't know,
Document or something, you
could be a real hero.
Oh.
Babe.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You
know what I mean?
Yeah.
Babe.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What?
I'm sorry.
It was prob...
No.
Seriously, Ev, it was probably,
like, a yeti, or...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHS]
Or a chupacabra or some... they
only eat goats, though.
That just [INAUDIBLE]
both you guys.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: And as long
as you don't have a goat...
Just go buy a goat.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
On the property.
No, I'm ser...
I'm trying to do
something here.
Like, this is part of the whole
experience and stuff.
And you guys are just,
like, making up...
It's serious...
It's not a joke!
It is serious, Rick.
It is serious.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Well, goats
aren't jokes, either!
[LAUGHS]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I mean, things
that eat goats, and
Goats...
You're an as*h*le, Rick.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHTER]
And the whole thing.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
And, here you go!
Lunch is served!
Wooo!
Oh!
Get him!
Megan, get him!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: sh*t!
f*ck!
[THUD]
Oooh!
Oh!
Are you OK?
Oh, man.
That probably hurt a lot.
Yeah, it did.
You know what else hurt?
Getting water poured
all over me.
I hate you.
Shut up.
Such a jerk.
Yeah.
Didn't even hurt.
Just fell down, and look
what appeared.
Pure sexiness.
That's right.
That's right.
Ladies love a guy with scars.
He's more rugged.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Evan!
He's more of a man.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Get out here
and help me with this!
Evan!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Where are you, dude?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Evan.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah?
Awwgh.
Help.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Rick, you OK?
Rick, where are you?
You OK?
Rick?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Baaaaaahhhhhh!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Aaaah!
Oh.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You're such...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh my god.
Oh my god, I think you
peed yourself a
Little bit, didn't you?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I hate
you so much right now.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh my god,
did you pee a little?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No,
I didn't pee a little.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Shut up, dude.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: [LAUGHS]
Oh...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You
didn't even scare me.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You should
have seen your face.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, shut up.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh my gosh.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, wow.
You screamed like
a little girl.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, I didn't.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude,
I'm out of here.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You got a
little wet mark there, buddy.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Dude, shut up.
I'm out of here.
I'm going to pick up Meg.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, you
need some new underwear?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, I don't, you...
Hurry up.
We need to witness...
We just want to document...
You guys failing.
Delay of game.
No, go ahead.
Delay of game.
Please, let me watch
this terribleness.
OK.
So are you ready?
Yeah.
OK.
Start.
All right, director,
"Serpico."
Uh, Sidney Lumet.
Yep.
Uh, he was silent film actor.
Charlie Chaplin.
Yep.
OK.
He was in, uh, "500 Days of
Summer." He was in "3rd Rock
From the Sun, lead actor.
Uh, Gordon, Johnson-Leavitt.
Three...
Gordon Leavitt.
What?
I'll take it, I'll take it.
Johnson-Leavitt?
There is no way...
OK, "Titanic," lead actor.
He was in "Basketball..."
Leonardo DiCaprio.
Gordon Joseph...
OK.
Gordon Johnson-Leavitt?
He's an opera singer.
He, um...
What did he say?
Pavarotti.
No.
He's younger.
He's a young dude and he's
an opera singer.
Oh, yeah, Josh Grodin.
Yep, yep.
Time.
Ohh.
Nice.
OK.
Uh, so I've got something
to say, first of all.
Yeah, go ahead.
I think there's a minus
one in there.
Gordon Johnson-Leavitt?
You know what?
Keep that one.
Keep that one.
Gordon Johnson-Leavitt?
Keep that one.
It doesn't matter.
We're still at like three
or four or something.
It's good, strong.
What do we got?
I mean, wow.
Talk about making up
your own rules.
We're at four even with out
it, so you know what?
OK.
OK, it's our turn, now.
Fine, let's go.
Let's do this.
What?
I earned that.
I earned that.
Watch me do this way
better than you.
Hey!
Hey!
Stop distracting
My teammate.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
OK, I can't see this.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, is
this bothering you?
I will forget everything
I just witnessed.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Is this
bothering you, your round?
Let go of her now.
Let go of her.
Release her.
Release.
Release.
How 'bout me?
OK, OK.
Liz, Liz.
OK, I'm gonna focus, focus.
Get off of her,
you gross man.
I'm focusing.
All right.
Hey, Evan.
OK, start the clock.
Hey, Evan.
He has a b*ner.
He has a really big b*ner.
Shut up.
And go.
Go.
Come on.
OK, I kind of resemble
him, a lot.
Atlas.
Wow.
He was in "Legends
of the Fall."
Brad Pitt?
Yeah.
What?
I'm just saying.
That is pathetic.
[LAUGHTER]
Um, OK.
And so not true.
[SINGING] "Hit me baby,
one more time."
Britney Spears.
Oh my god.
Did you like my dance, Rick?
[LAUGHTER]
Freddy...
No, no, no.
No, no.
Lizard.
No, no, no.
What?
No, you can't... that's
like a sounds-alike.
Freddy Lizard.
Eddie Izzard, but you
can't do that.
First of all, first of all-
- Why not?
Time, and that doesn't count.
Why can't I do that?
Time, and that doesn't count.
Nobody told me that
in the beginning.
You are so out.
Four to two.
What?
Nobody told me that.
Four to two.
And you said Gordon
Johnson-Leavitt.
I took that one out.
The camera's on me.
I can't think with it.
Oh, don't even.
Oh, is that you're excuse?
Yeah.
That's pathetic.
It's kind harder to think.
I didn't realize how
weird it was.
It's hard, isn't it?
I'm turning it off.
It's really hard.
Oh, you don't like
the camera on?
You guys suck.
I hate you gu...
Hey, it's Evan.
I'm hanging from my ceiling
in my bedroom.
[DRUNKENLY] Joking.
I'm joking.
Not.
I'm here, right now.
Anyways, it's great.
Day four's amazing.
And we went to the lake,
which was, whatever.
Anyway.
Party.
Blech.
[BEHIND CAMERA] I'm gonna get
Rick back for punking me
Outside and scaring me.
And I'm gonna get him back out
of vengeance, so I'm gonna
Make him pee himself.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, god, I'm so drunk
right now.
[THUD]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Ow!
Ow!
Shh!
sh*t!
OK, I think I got
a Charley horse.
That's OK.
I'm OK.
OK.
Oh, sh*t.
[DOOR OPENS]
[ELECTRONIC BUZZ]
[ELECTRONIC SNAP]
[BEEP]
Ugh.
Oh, god.
I feel like sh*t today.
Ohhh.
I slept in, and I don't know
why my body feels so bad.
I'm not going to drink again.
God.
I gotta get some air.
Ugh.
[HELICOPTER ABOVE]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hey, Rick,
do you know those guys?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I'm shy.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
OK, hold on.
You got it?
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hang on.
Turn the focus.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, turn the focus.
You got it?
Pull it close.
OK. We're good.
All right.
I like you.
I like you a lot.
That was Jim Carrey.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
So good.
That was good.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
So good.
Shut up.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Huh?
You had me at hello.
Like that?
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
that was twinkly eyes.
I know.
I had the twinkle eyes.
You make me want to
be a better man.
That was my Jack Nicholson.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Is
that Jack Nicholson?
That was great.
That's why I'm...
That's why I'm not an actor.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, it was great.
Just go with it.
I wish I knew how
to quit you.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, that was good.
"Brokeback." Yeah.
Cannot believe you went
with that one.
So, stupid, all right.
Oh, god.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hm.
This is a little sexy.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hm.
I'm liking this.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, thanks.
Liking where this is going.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
Yeah.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Mm-hm.
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Hm.
[KISSING]
MEGAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, hold on.
Yeah, it's a little
in the way.
Yeah?
Mm-hm.
[KISSING]
Mm.
Mm.
[SLIDING DOOR OPENS]
Oh, wait, let me
turn... oh, f*ck.
Ahem.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Ahhh.
Hey, guys.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: On
my aunt's couch?
Really?
Uh, yeah.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: What's up?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Uh,
nothing much.
Take a seat.
Have a seat.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Do
you have a pain?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: You OK?
You got a stomachache?
No, I'm fine.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: You
got a stomachache.
Didn't expect you guys
to come back so early.
Wh... what happened?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah, while
you were in the middle of
Suffocating her?
What's that?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Just in the
middle of suffocating her?
We surprised you?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: I think
Evan's hungry.
I'm just wrestling.
We were wrestling.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Are
you hungry, Ev?
You a little hungry?
You hungry from wrestling?
Yeah.
'Cause there's a
lot of energy.
What... what do we have
to eat, babe?
How's you're, uh, stomachache?
Feeling better?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
OK, you know what?
Thought we were over this.
It's just so unfortunate.
Such bad timing.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
This is so awkward.
OK, I just need to get this
interview in really quick.
OK.
All right.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK?
OK, here we go.
Ahem.
So how are you doing?
[EXHALES SLOWLY]
Better.
Yeah.
Just a lot better.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What are
some of things you're doing to
Cope with everything?
Um...
You know, it hasn't been
a lot, really.
It's just been...
It's really helped, not being
in town, you know?
Um, being in a different space,
you know, not being
Reminded of stuff all
the time, and
Being around you guys.
I'm really glad you're here.
So.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What do you see the
Future holding for you?
Um.
I don't know.
But I think I do know that, um,
I mean, I think I can get
Through it, which I wasn't
sure of before.
Um.
Guess it's kinda...
That's a good thing, right?
So.
Guess we'll just see.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
OK, great.
You better get a f*cking
A on this whole thing...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, I will.
For what you've
put me through.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No.
For sure.
I swear to god.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yep.
A is the only letter I know.
[LAUGHING] OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: OK.
Evan was seven years old.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Not
really awesome, but.
Totally obsessed
with firemen.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Rick.
Take this.
Everything about firemen.
Had all the videos.
Had the full, like, yellow coat
with the red fireman cap,
And the little hose.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh my
god, that's amazing.
So he gets this great idea to
make a log cabin out of the
Lincoln Logs.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I
loved those things.
They're great.
Um, and set them aflame.
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh.
In his bedroom.
Naturally.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Oh, that one.
Makes sense.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Always
a genius, huh?
Really good idea.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
So he... he gets, he gets in
his full outfit, with the
Squirt g*n... which
was your hose...
And then makes the logs.
And then of course, he needs
the matches, so he comes to
Me.
Yeah.
And of course, she's just
like, sure, Ev.
Here you go.
Here's the matches.
What?
Aahhhhh!
Yeah.
More like...
[SCREAM].
And so...
But listen.
So anyway, I go back in my room,
and I'm like, oh, cool,
Ha, ha, ha.
Bggghhhh.
Total ball of flame.
Yeah.
Curtains.
Carpet, curtains.
Everything.
Everything I run out the, out
the house, away from Ev.
Yeah, and I'm like still in my
room, like, I'm a fireman.
Squirt g*n, squirt g*n.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, no.
Dad runs in...
Runs in, yeah.
Anger, rage.
Starts, like, just
hitting me.
Smacking him on the butt.
At like...
On my butt.
You know, like not abusively.
No, no, no.
But like, as they go
out of the room.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: You burned
the house down!
Chastisingly, yeah.
So much trouble.
He's covered in soot.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Sounds
like you got off easy.
Couple smacks on the butt.
You almost burned
the house down.
No, no, you were, like, the
only seven-year-old to be
Grounded.
No, let me tell you who
got off easy, Rickster.
This one.
This one.
Hm, hm, hm.
Five years later, she's, like,
sitting with her friend, and
My mom overhears her bragging
about, like, then I gave him
The matches, and he
got in trouble.
So she just, like...
I totally got grounded for
it five years later.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: That
whole time, they
Didn't know it was you?
No.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: That's
so horrible.
Yeah, I just let him
take the blame.
Yeah.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: I
never did any of that.
Oh, and that's why you're
gonna be a good dad.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: He just came
out of the womb and went
Into the military.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You think so?
Yeah, I mean, both of these
guys are gonna be great dads.
Aw.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: I think
you're gonna be a good mom,
Too.
Corny, corny.
Corny, corny.
I did OK with you.
No, you did.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Will you take this?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: She'-s...
She's awesome.
RICK [BEHIND CAMERA]: Here,
take this, take this.
So Lizzie's doing really,
really well.
You know, she's...
She's, uh, she's laughing a
lot more, and she's joking
Around with everybody, and she's
smiling all the time.
And it's awesome, because it's
just, it's the Lizzie that I
Know, you know?
And it's so good to
be here for her
During this tough time.
And you know, she was always
there for me when, when Mom
And Dad died.
So it's... it's really nice
to, you know, be able to
Help her out now.
And it sucks that she's had to
go through this, you know?
She doesn't deserve this.
But...
But we're here for her,
so it's good.
[LOUD RATTLING AND RUMBLING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, oh!
What the f*ck?
Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.
What the f*ck is...
[SCREAMING] Lizzie!
Lizzie!
Open this f*cking door!
Liz!
Lizzie, open the f*cking door!
Open the f*cking door!
[KNOCKING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Helloo-oo.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
[KNOCKING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, coming.
Oh, hey.
Did you just wake up?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Did you forget I was coming?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, yeah.
I guess.
I slept really hard.
Oh.
Morning.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Morning.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I
brought doughnuts.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Aw, I love you.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Aw.
Hey, that was a nice moment.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I mean, I mean, not,
I mean, let's not...
Let's not get, you know, too
far ahead of ourselves.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, So tired.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yes.
Not tired anymore.
I just woke up.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Sugar rush.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Mmm,
I'll go for a Long John.
Yeah.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Is that
what those are called?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Mm-hm.
So I was watching last night.
I got home, and then I
was channel-surfing.
And "When Harry Met
Sally" was on.
Do you want to eat outside?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Great film.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
It's so nice out.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, let's do it.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Anyway, that
moment at the end, when
He's, like, you know, when you
find the person you want to
Spend the rest of your life
with, and you want the rest of
Your life to start as
soon as possible?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, yeah.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Best
line of all time.
Seriously.
Of all time.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
It's a great scene.
I'm good, by the way,
with all these
Things that I'm carrying.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
you can get it.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah, don't
put your camera down.
It's OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
This Long John...
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: d*uche.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Is fantastic.
Long John?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I really
want to thank you.
I don't think that that's
actually what
They're called, though.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah,
they're called Long Johns.
Really?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah.
Where's Rick and Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, I
think they're sleeping.
Wow.
All you guys.
Late night.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Mm-hm.
What do I want?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You
want a Long John.
I'm gonna have half of this.
No.
I already had one of those.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
[CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, you know...
Um...
I was thinking, uh, you know,
on my next, on my next, uh,
Break from school?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Mm-hm?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I was
thinking I could come
Out and visit you.
Spend time out here.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Hm.
Ooh!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: It's
not awkward now.
Oh.
You don't have to
answer that.
That's fine.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Well,
no, I mean...
I think that'd be nice.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Yeah?
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Sweet.
Don't get too excited.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No, I'm...
That's just... that's
Good news.
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Come here.
Get over here.
[KISS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Who's the cutest?
Hey, was somebody messing
with my camera, here?
It's got a bunch of
scratches on it.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, yeah,
just dying to get ahold of
Your camera.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Oh, yeah, I...
I stole it last night,
just 'cause I...
I, uh, I wanted to film some
stuff, just 'cause I'm so
Savvy with the camera.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: That
sounds creepy, Megan.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
I'll be honest.
Sounds creepy.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, Rick,
Let me ask you something.
Uh, I see you wore
sandals today.
Is that due to, you want to just
change up your fashion
And actually look
good for once?
Or are you just not running
everywhere today?
Yeah, I'm concerned about
fashion at the barbecue.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: This is
like a block o' cheese.
What do you think?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: That's
a huge piece of cheese.
Liz, is this too big?
I think that might be too big.
You know, do you want
a block of cheese?
What do you think?
Too thick?
Too thick of a cheese?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I got it.
Yeah, it's a little...
It's a little on
the thick side.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Little
on the thick side.
I'll try and shred it down.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: That's
what she said.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
You OK, babe?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: You
are such a dork.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
I just don't feel...
I just have a headache.
I just must have slept funny.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You OK, Liz?
Yeah.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You good?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You'll
be all right.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Hey, Liz.
Liz.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I'll
try and mince this.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Liz,
look at how slow Rick's
Walking today.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Hey, babe.
Babe, don't...
Don't do that.
Don't get that.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, it's
not a big deal.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, no,
no, give it to Evan.
Would you back up?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: He was just
trying to tell me how big his
Muscles were.
So I think you should
let him prove it.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah,
just get the utensils.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I'm
filming tomatoes.
I'm filming tomatoes.
I'm filming tomatoes.
I'm filming these tomatoes.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: And...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
It's important
To film these tomatoes.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Tomatoes
are over here.
There you go.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: I don't
want this watermelon.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
There you go.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: This is
like an entire watermelon.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Absolutely.
You'll be fine.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Hey,
Evan, just man up.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
In one hand.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Man up.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
That's right.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, it's so heavy.
Oh, can't do it.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Do
you want some help?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wee-ooo,
wee-ooo, wee-ooo, woooo.
You know what that is?
You know what the sound
of that is?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What's that?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: That's
the sound of a fire truck
Coming, 'cause you're burning
those burgers!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Really?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: On fire!
You want to grill?
Here.
You want to grill?
Gimme the camera.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: No,
no, no, I'm good.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Give
me the camera.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I'm fine.
You look like you really
know what you're doing.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: I do
know what I'm doing.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Lot of
blackness going on over there.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Getting
a lot of things done.
Lots of things well done.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: My grandmother
was really good at
The barbecue, and that's where
I learned everything.
You gotta char it
up a little bit.
You gotta get a little bit
of the crunch of the
Burn in it, you know?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: The
crunch of the burn?
The crunch of the burn.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
No, I don't know.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Yeah, it mixes
with the seasoning, and
It makes it taste better.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: She's
probably rolling over in her
Grave about how black
those are.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: That's funny,
except that she was
Cremated, so.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Well, she's
probably less well done than
Those burgers.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: h*, h*!
Burn!
Burn, burn, burn.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: I'm sorry.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What was
pretty good, actually.
Yeah?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: That
was pretty funny.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Like that, Liz?
Lizzie?
Holy...
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Babe?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Are you OK, Liz?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Babe,
what is that?
[SOBS WITH FEAR]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: OK,
baby, it's OK.
It's OK.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: What...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
[WHISPERING] What the hell?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
What is that?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: It's a little
welt or something.
I'm just gonna touch it, OK?
[ALL GASP]
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Oh MY GOD.
Holy sh*t.
OK, baby, uh, I'm gonna
get it, OK?
I'm gonna get it.
Just... just relax.
Ugggh!
Aaaahhh!
Aaaaaahhhhh!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, wait...
Babe, OK, Liz.
OK, baby.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]:
[WEEPING IN FEAR]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What are you doing?
Come here.
I'm sorry, I...
I...
I can't.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Lizzie.
Is she OK?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: What...
What's happening?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Is she OK?
Just be quiet.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Is it still there?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Can you feel it?
Still hurt?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What's
wrong with her?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Will
you shut up?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Does
it still hurt?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What the
hell is wrong with her?
What is wrong with her?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Would
you get out of here?
Would you get out of here?
Get the hell out of here!
Go!
Now!
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [WEEPING]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What
freeway is that?
OK.
And, uh, approximately how long,
do you think, from here?
Yeah.
Yeah, OK.
Uh, thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Bye.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What's happening?
Uh, baby, look, we, uh,
there's an urgent
Care center, OK?
And it's... it's not too far from
here, but we gotta, we
Gotta go.
No, I just...
I just want to go to bed.
I know, baby.
But... but look, we should really
just get to a doctor
And have it, have it checked
out, you know?
I just...
I'll do it tomorrow,
I promise.
OK?
Let's just go to bed, please?
Rick?
Yeah, OK.
OK, but you gotta...
I promise.
If anything hurts, or if
anything happens, you gotta,
You gotta tell me, OK?
OK.
OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Lizzie?
You all right?
Just go away, please.
[LOUD RATTLING AND RUMBLING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, sh*t!
Oh, sh*t!
Rick!
Rick!
Rick!
Open the f*cking door!
Rick!
Oh, sh*t.
sh*t.
Rick!
Open the f*cking door!
Holy sh*t!
Rick!
Oh, oh!
Aaaaggghhh!
Ohhhh god!
Oh!
Ohhh...
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
Oh my god.
Rick.
Rick?
Rick.
Rick.
Rick!
[RICK MURMURS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, f*ck.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Oh, Liz.
Liz?
[SHOUTING] Liz?
Liz!
Baby, answer me!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What the hell?
Liz?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
[SHOUTING] Liz!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh...
Oh my god.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
[SHOUTING] Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Why
do you have a g*n?
Why do you have a g*n?
Why do you have a g*n?
What happened?
What happened?
I don't know.
Get dressed!
Oh my god.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Now!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh my god.
Do you know where we're going?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Just
keep your eyes open.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You have no idea.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Look, we're
driving into town, all right?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, that's great.
We'll just drive into town and
just, you know, hope she's...
She's waiting.
Is that what we're
going to do?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
I don't know.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Yeah, well, we gotta
Have a f*cking plan.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: My plan is
to look for her, all right?
Just shut up.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Wait.
Is that Meg?
Wait, stop the car.
Meg!
Meg!
Hey!
Meg, have you seen
Liz anywhere?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: No.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: We're
looking all over for her.
She's just...
Somebody came last night.
I don't know what
happened to her.
She's just not at home.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: What?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Have
you seen her anywhere?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: No.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Why aren't
you looking at me?
Look at me.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Evan...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Meg, why
are you being so weird?
It's Ev.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: [TEARFULLY]
Sorry, I haven't seen her.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: You
haven't seen my Si...
Why are you wal...
Why are you walking away
from... help us, please.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: [SHAKILY] I
don't know how to help you.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
I need to find my
f*cking sister, please.
[TEARFULLY] I'm so sorry.
I'm so...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Just stay with me.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]:
Please just...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Why
are you being weird?
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: Just
please, oh, please.
Please.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Let's go.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
What'd she say?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Just f*cking drive.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What
did she say?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Just
f*cking drive, man.
f*ck!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: House.
Search around there.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: f*ck.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Look, you
could see more if your face
Wasn't it that f*cking
eyepiece.
Just put it down.
[SHOUTING] Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh, f*ck.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
[SHOUTING] Liz?
Liz?
Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Jesus Christ.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
[SHOUTING] Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: [SHOUTING]
Fuuuuucck!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
[SHOUTING] Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: f*ck,
what the f*ck are we gonna
f*cking do?
This f*cking place is too...
f*cking lost my f*cking
sister.
f*cking lost my f*cking
sister.
[SOBBING]
Rick, what the f*ck?
What the f*ck are we
gonna do, Rick?
What are you f*cking
doing, man?
Liz?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Rick?
What the f*ck are you doing?
What the f*ck are you doing?
Put the f*cking camera down!
[BOTH YELLING]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You f*ck,
it's not one of
Your f*cking movies!
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: f*ck, ow!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: This
is f*cking real life?
You f*cking piece of sh*t!
It's your f*cking sister!
The f*ck is with you?
You can't f*cking do that!
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: [SCREAMING]
f*ck off!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: f*ck.
Where's your little
f*cking jokes now?
Where's your little
f*cking jokes now?
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: [WEEPING]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: f*cking wake
up, you f*cking leech.
f*ck!
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: [TEARFULLY]
f*ck, man.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Get up.
Get up.
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: No.
I'm fine.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
You're fine.
You're fine.
Get up.
Get up.
You're OK.
You're OK.
Here.
Here.
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]: f*ck.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Take this.
We have to find your
f*cking sister.
Just keep walking.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What...?
Stop.
Stop!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Baby,
are you OK?
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Liz!
Liz.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: It's OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: How the
hell did she get out here?
It's OK, baby.
You're OK.
It's OK.
I'm here.
It's OK, baby.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]:
[COUGHING AND RETCHING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh!
Lizzie, it's OK.
It's OK, Liz.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: OK,
shh, it's OK.
Come on, baby.
It's all right.
I got you.
It's OK.
I got you.
You're OK.
OK.
Lizzie.
Lizzie, you OK?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: How's
she looking?
I don't know.
She's not saying anything.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Baby?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [COUGHING]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Baby?
Lizzie?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: You OK?
Baby?
Rick?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Baby, it's OK.
It's OK, baby.
We're going home.
MEGAN [OFFSCREEN]: They
won't let me.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: What?
Baby, it's OK.
We're going home.
It's OK, baby.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: They won't
let me go home.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Baby, it's OK.
It's OK.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [SCREAMING]
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Baby, baby.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Please, please.
Please, please.
Please help.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Let's go.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [COUGHS]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What
are we gonna do, man?
I don't know, all right?
I don't know.
So just...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: We
have to have a plan.
I don't know.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Dude, we
gotta figure something out.
I'm f*cking scared.
Dude.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Shh.
You woke her up.
Hey baby.
You all right?
OK?
We're going home, baby.
It's OK.
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
What the hell?
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: It's OK baby.
It's OK.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: What's
happening?
Rick, what's happening?
[LOW RUMBLING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: No...
Rick.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]:
Just hold on.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Rick?
I'm...
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What
the f*ck is that?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Ohh!
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: What
the f*ck is that?
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: No.
No, Rick, it's...
No, stay here.
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Stay here.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: Please
don't leave!
Help me!
RICK [OFFSCREEN]: Stay here.
LIZ [OFFSCREEN]: [SCREAMING]
Please don't leave!
Come back, please!
[g*nshots]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[LIZ AND EVAN SCREAM]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]: Oh, sh*t!
Rick!
[BANG]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[LOUD RUMBLING AND RATTLING
CONTINUES]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
EVAN [BEHIND CAMERA]:
Oh my god!
Aahhh!
Oh, Lizzie!
Help!
Aaahhh!
Help me!
Help me!
[SCREAM]
EVAN [OFFSCREEN]:
[SCREAMING] Liz!
[WHOOSH]
[BANG]
[THUD]
[THUD]
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Absence (2013)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341