[birds chirping]
[wind howls]
- Oh sh*t, sorry, my
name's Jason Severn.
I'm single, I got a 10 inch--
John wanted me to film
our, say something
about our trip, I mean our boys
weekend, my winnings,
so here I am.
It's gonna be a
good time because
we don't really see
each other often,
everybody has their
own lives, so I think
this is a way of
bringing us all together.
[laughs] And...
That's it.
[birds chirping]
All right, so here's the plan.
We're waiting for
Mike, Conrad, and Todd.
Boys weekend up
north, f*ck yeah.
- Get lost, man.
Do you mind?
- [Jason] What are we
bringing, tech man?
What and why.
- [John] Why?
A source experiment
of man in the wild
all the while keeping a watchful
eye on what is going around us.
We have the remote
control, we have flashes,
and motion activated
control camera.
- [Jason] You're such
a good wife Laura,
letting John go away
to have a guys weekend.
It shows such trust.
- Well I trust him, not
sure about you though.
What do you wanna drink?
- [Jason] Whatever as long as
it's cold or hot, so, so hot.
I think this weekend footage,
we're all going
to Hell from here.
- Here, get your
hand around this
before you grip something else.
- [James] Come on,
that's not nice.
- All right, my name
is Inigo Montoya.
You had sex with my papi.
Prepare to die.
Who is anybody?
We don't know who we are.
Come on, man.
I'm an architect.
All right, all right,
all right, my name
is Mike, but my
friends call me...
Mike.
One, there will be
beer and ridiculous
amounts of alcohol
consumed, and two,
there's no women,
there's no women.
Jason, welcome to Sausagestock!
- [Jason] All right,
so who do we got here?
- Conrad, what's up?
- [Jason] All right
Conrad, tell us
a little about yourself,
what do you do?
- What do I do?
I'm a baseball player.
- [Jason] Oh you're
a baseball player,
aren't you a g*y shortstop
in the rainbow league?
- You can go f*ck yourself.
[laughter]
You're taking us
camping somewhere.
I don't know, I'm just
here for the ride.
- [Jason] Okay, well are
you excited at least?
- I mean it should
be good right?
Weekend with the boys, why not?
- [Jason] You look tired.
- It was a long
night, all right?
I just wanna f*cking
get in the car,
I don't wanna see
Todd's dumb a*s.
- [Jason] Was she good,
you never told me.
- No, it was a good time.
- [Jason] Yeah?
- But Todd probably doesn't
know, he might, but it was good.
- I'm Todd Custer,
I've known you
dickheads for too
long and figured
I'd come on this camping trip to
look out for you guys,
someone's got to,
and I'm a city guy,
but I'm a nature
guy too and I like to go out in
nature and live with
it, live amongst it,
but you know what's more fun is
going against it,
man against nature.
Sometimes that's the
most exciting stuff,
and you gotta take chances and
that's what I'm willing to do.
Case in point, going
camping with you dickheads.
I'm a small claims
lawyer, and I know
a lot of people
haven't heard of a
small claims lawyer,
but they exist,
I'm one of them, so
obviously I exist.
Before that I ran a
bunch of daycares.
Kids are cool, we need them.
I also made a lot
of money, you'd be
surprised how much
parents are willing
to dish out so you can just put
their kids in front
of a television all
day and feed them
crackers, it's amazing.
Do we have to talk about
that, f*ck, seriously?
Honestly, I thought we
were having fun here.
- [Jason] I'm just--
- I thought we were
having fun, man.
- [Jason] I know,
I'm just asking.
- We're gonna have fun,
f*ck him, just forget
about talking about
this, move on.
- Yeah, [mumbles]
as much as you want.
Asswipe.
- [Jason] All right,
let's get 'er done.
- We've been traveling
for days now.
I'm sure we're not gonna
make it out here alive.
I fear for our lives.
God help us.
God help us!
[piano melody hip hop music]
- [John] Sleep, Conrad.
Sleep, Conrad.
Sleep, Conrad.
Sleep.
* Sweet, back it up, G, stack it
* B.G. Stack it up, freaks
* Blasting, waste
time, chick pretty
* Through the roof
partner, a lot of
* n*gg*s don't
like they [mumbles]
* Totally that lame
* Yo G, stack it up
* Pull up in the
Chevy thing, top back
- [Mike] b*mb brothers.
Hey Jas, what's the deal
with Todd and Conrad?
- Don't you know,
I thought you knew.
- [Mike] No man, I
know nothing about it.
I see the guy
maybe twice a year.
- Look, I don't know if I should
be saying this on
tape, you know the
guys are gonna see it at some
stage and it'll look pretty bad.
- [Mike] Who cares, you
can edit that out later.
What's the scoop?
- Todd recently found out that
Conrad slept with
his wife years ago.
- [Mike] No sh*t, while
they were together?
- No no no no, long
before that but it
doesn't sit too wee
[mumbles] has issues with it.
Imagine [mumbles]
f*ck your wife.
- [Mike] f*ck you.
sh*t man, that's rough.
Don't blame him, man.
How come no one told me?
- Don't [mumbles],
here, let's go.
I won this off some Indian
dude in a poker game.
I was into it for five grand.
He had no cash,
had nothing right?
He [mumbles] his
forfeit, he pulls out
this deed, must've
been his nest egg,
his last resort to save his a*s.
f*ck that, you weren't there,
it's legit, trust me, man.
The road map matches
the map and all we
gotta do is match the
symbols to the road signs.
I got a retirement plan, man.
It's all too f*cking sweet.
- [Todd] Hey man.
- Hey, what's up man?
- [Todd] You mind
if I videotape you?
- Yeah, sure.
- [Todd] I know
it sounds creepy,
we're doing this road
trip documentary type
thing, we're going up to
a place called Gitaskog.
- Nice, I'm actually
on my way up
there, gonna be up with
a couple of buddies.
- [Todd] No sh*t.
- Yeah.
- [Todd] Right on.
- What are you guys
going up there for?
- [Todd] We have a
buddy of ours that
got some land,
we're gonna check it
out, do some camping,
what about you?
- I don't know,
just gonna up there,
do a little spiritual healing.
Have the weekend off.
- [Todd] Nice, a
little spiritual
healing, got us
some help with that.
Hey man, well we'll give
you a shout if we see you.
- All right, bro, for sure.
- [Todd] Take it easy, man.
What's that, we got ourselves
a real estate tycoon?
- I wouldn't say
that, [mumbles].
- [Conrad] What's
going on here, guys?
We should probably
get out of here
soon, I'm getting
tired and it smells.
- That's it?
That's your binding contract?
[laughs] What a waste of time.
- Hey, get off, Todd.
- [Todd] Oh man.
- That's the place
you're taking us?
Man, this better not be
a waste of time, dude.
- It's legit, trust me, man.
This is how they do this in
the Northern Indian Reserve.
Anyway, let's get
going 'cause I don't
wanna get this weekend
to run away on us.
* Pass the dutchie
on the left hand side
* Pass the dutchie
on the left hand side
- [Todd] Sleep, wake up.
- [John] He's sleeping now.
- He's sleeping.
- [John] He's sleeping, yeah.
- [Jason] You're
lucky this time.
- Pass 'round and drag
the spliff here now.
[laughing]
- You guys have any
idea how close we are?
- We're lost.
- [John] We are lost.
- No sh*t.
- [John] Yup.
- Well this place
looks pretty cool.
- Hey, moose antlers, maybe they
got moose meat on the menu.
- All I know is they better
have some decent food.
- Better have beer,
that's all that matters.
- Thank you, Todd.
- [Conrad] Thanks, as*h*le.
[idle chatter]
Cut the f*cking camera.
- Dude, you finished already?
You're eating way too fast, man.
- Bad for the digestion, bro.
- [Todd] Look who's talking.
- [Conrad] Speaking of which,
where you been buddy, [mumbles].
- Oh man, just sank
the Titanic in there.
Hope this place has insurance.
- I doubt it.
Looks like a real native joint,
I don't think they go
for things like that.
- Yeah, probably right.
Typical Injun sh*t.
- Hey man, watch how you say
things around here, dude.
And get your own f*cking fries.
- Hey guys, check out the
old Indian dude over there.
Chief Dan George.
- [Mumbles]
- [Todd] You've done it now man.
- Shut the f*ck up, shut the
f*ck up, shut the f*ck up.
- [Mumbles].
- Are you guys done?
- Yeah yeah, we're
done, we're done,
we're done, we're done, thanks.
- Maybe I can grab
you guys some beer?
- No no no no no, no
thanks, we actually
gotta be hitting the road, we're
trying to find
Gitaskog Lake actually.
- [Todd] Is it around here?
- Yeah, yeah, big
lake, can't miss it.
Not far from here, just
off the 406 highway.
Anyway, I'll get you your bill.
- Thanks.
- That thing isn't filming--
- Come on guys, we
could've stayed there
a lot longer, I was
having a lot of fun.
- Are you kidding me,
did you hear the vibe in
there, you felt it man,
you were not loved.
- You guys nuts, we were
not welcomed in there.
- Man, you could've
cut it with a knife.
- Yeah, more like a tomahawk.
- Anyway, we're getting
pretty close right?
- Yup.
- Set up camp when we get there
and you can eat all your want.
There's some
chocolate bars in the
meantime if you
can't wait that long.
- [Waiter] Hey, hey guys!
- [Jason] What, we [mumbles].
- No, is that camera on?
- No no, he turned it off.
- Look, I didn't wanna mention
this back there,
but if I were you
guys, where you're
going, I wouldn't go.
- [Jason] Why's that?
- You guys are gonna
think this is some
Indian myth mumbo jumbo,
but that land is sacred.
Especially at this time of year.
- We respect that man, we're not
here to desecrate
the land or anything.
- Why's their land so important
at this particular time?
- You won't believe me, you'll
think it's some
crazy Indian talk.
But to my people, especially the
elders, they take
it very serious.
It's called The Lake
of The Gitaskog.
- Yeah, so?
- Gitaskog is a
creature that my people,
the Algonquin people,
said once roamed the lake.
Well with the
coming of the white
man, she fled to the bottom.
But every couple generations she
comes back to feed and to spawn.
My people, they worship
but fear the Gitaskog.
- That's a great story and all,
but with all due
respect, we don't
really believe in such
things, all right?
I'm hoping to do more than
just some weekend camping.
I have a deed for
some property up here,
I might make it more
of a regular thing.
- What deed?
No one man owns any land here.
It's all government owned.
This land is sacred.
- Trust me my friend, we
got it from one of your own.
Anyways, thanks
for the heads up.
- You're making a big mistake!
- Yeah, cheers, kemosabe,
but you know what?
I think we'll take our chances.
- Thanks for the chow
bud, burgers were great!
Peace!
- You don't believe
that sh*t, do you Jas?
- I don't even think
the Indian dude
believes it man, he
seemed a bit embarrassed.
It's a free country, let
them have their beliefs
and we have our
own, and f*ck it,
we own this place just
as much as they do.
He was trying to spook us out.
- 50 bucks on anybody
that spots the beastie.
- f*ck that, you get it on film,
you can ask your own price.
Ogopogo jackpot, b*tches.
- Ogopogo?
- Yeah, f*ck,
where you been?
Canadian Loch Ness Monster.
- Look, f*cking that's in BC.
- Hey Edinburgh, don't
steal my f*cking line.
- Jason, do you have any
idea where we're going?
- Yeah, I think I pretty
much have it figured out.
- I swear guys, it should be
f*cking right around here.
- Jas, face it man, you suck at
reading maps, let me
have a crack at it.
- Look, you can have
a map of my crack.
Look, I'll find the damn place.
- Hey hey hey, I
say we still have
enough time to head
back to the city
and find ourselves
a nice [mumbles].
- You know I'm down with that.
- Yeah yeah yeah.
- We can do that any old time,
this weekend's about
doing something different.
- Different my a*s,
you just came out here
to stake out your bogus
real estate claim.
- Yeah, no sh*t.
- [Jason] It ain't bogus.
- Isn't it a deed to
Sitting Bull Summer Resort?
- More like Sitting Bullshit.
[laughter]
- f*ck, does anybody got bars?
- f*ck no, I have no signal.
I have nothing.
- I got it, let's f*cking go.
- We're lost again.
Guys, we're lost again!
- [John] Lost.
- [Jason] Guys, it should
be right around here.
- I'm done.
f*ck this.
- Yo, I saw a marking,
let's f*cking go.
Oh check that out.
Check that out.
- [John] What the hell?
- [Conrad] Easy,
Christopher Columbus.
- [Mike] f*cking right, man.
- [John] Dude,
that looks creepy.
- [Jason] Hey, don't
touch that sh*t, John!
- Woo, we found it, f*ck!
- The f*ck is that?
- I can't believe
we found it John.
Watch yourself, eh buddy?
- [John] Dudes, this is creepy.
- That means we're close.
- Watch it, Johnny.
- [Jason] Hurry up,
you're complaining
so much you guys are
moving like slowpokes!
- [John] I don't know man, I
got a bad feeling about this.
- Easy, easy.
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
- We don't know what [mumbles].
- He was f*cking right
for a change, man.
- [John] I don't know man.
- [Todd] Right?
- [John] Wrong.
I don't know, this is creepy.
- [Todd] Jason, my man, you came
through, you came
through, look at this.
It's not a resort, but it'll do.
You came through, bro.
- Quit your f*cking whining.
Who knew gambling
would've paid off right?
- Hey check this out,
f*cking barbecue.
Natives are getting modern.
- Hey, dibs on the upper bunk.
- Me too man, me too,
- Hey, look at the
f*cking lake, man.
It's unreal.
- [Mike] Look at
that, beautiful.
- [Todd] Beautiful.
- Woo!
- Yo, swimming boys?
- Down to the river.
- f*gg*t!
- Oh sh*t, check out
this f*cking cliff.
- [Todd] Did you guys manage to
get a signal yet or what?
- Who cares, we're
in the wild man.
- Nada for me, come
on, let's dance!
- John, you getting this?
- [John] I'm getting
it, I'm getting it.
Okay, let me get
a good shot here.
- Oh the humanity!
- Check this sh*t out.
Woooo!
- Waaah!
- [Jason] [mumbles] get
that back front flip.
- Hey put that
camera down and get
the f*ck in here,
get your [mumbles]!
- Holy sh*t John, you got
a bunch of tech sh*t, eh?
- Seriously, don't
mess it up, man.
- Is that waterproof?
- [John] Yeah, so
it's not waterproof.
- Yeah I know, I was trying
to hop it for awhile.
- All right guys, I'm
gonna [mumbles] here.
- Hey Conrad, how
you holding up?
I know the only
f*cking pools you have
in the hood were created
by fire hydrants.
[laughter]
- Yeah real funny,
f*cking Patrick Duffy.
- Where do you even pull that
sh*t from man, [mumbles].
- [Conrad] We got plenty of TVs
in the hood, get educated, fool.
- [Todd] Whatever, dude.
- Hey, f*cking dickhead!
- No manners, eh?
Doesn't have any
country lake etiquette.
[muffled talking]
[mumbles], man.
- [Jason] It's what you
call the wilderness, boys.
- Whoa, something
just went by my leg.
- Man, it's probably
your imagination, chill.
- Someone or something?
- Something just
went by my leg again.
- Bro, it's probably
Mark just hamming it up.
You're creeping me out,
enough of that sh*t.
- How often do you hold
your f*cking breath for?
- Not this long.
[muffled talking]
- What the f*ck?
f*ck!
- [Conrad] What the f*ck?
- [Todd] Jay!
- [Conrad] Where
the f*ck did he go?
- [Todd] Jay!
- What the f*ck--
[laughing]
- Trophy!
- f*cking assholes.
f*ck!
- Now you're nature boy!
[laughing]
- Woo!
Look, here he comes,
Jas, come and get it!
Come and get it!
- [Jason] Give me my
f*cking shorts back!
- [Todd] It says extra
large but small pouch!
- Little baby!
[laughing]
- Look, they're gonna catch a
f*cking Gitaskog right here.
- Go f*ck yourselves.
Give me my f*cking--
- [Todd] Go, go, get
out of here [mumbles]!
[laughing]
Ow, f*ck!
- [Todd] Holy sh*t,
this is a f*cking
pretty cool place
you got here, Jas.
So f*cking lucky.
Jesus, you know what, I'm gonna
f*cking call you
Horseshoe Poker b*tch.
- You gonna do any work?
- [Todd] Uh, f*ck you.
- Oh yeah, f*ck me?
f*ck you.
- Watch it, man.
- [Todd] f*ck, you're
gonna break John's camera.
- Yeah, and I'm gonna
break your f*cking jaw.
- [Todd] Idiot.
- You're a little p*ssy,
you know that right?
- [Todd] You're a p*ssy.
- Yeah?
I'm a p*ssy, who's got the
f*cking a*mo in their hands?
- [Todd] Keep working.
- Oh buddy.
I invited you to my place.
You better shut the f*ck up.
[monkey grunts]
- It's pretty and all
up here man, but Jason,
there's nothing to
f*cking do up here.
- I f*cking like it, man.
- There's no
restaurants, no shops.
- I f*cking like it
man, it's tranquil.
- Screw tranquil
man, you spend more
than a week up here you'll be
f*cking bored out of your mind.
- Man, this is a
f*cking goldmine
waiting to happen
to man, and it can,
it f*cking can be [mumbles].
- Gold!
- No, shut the
f*ck up, and by the
time I retire, it'll be f*cking
booming with new
development, it'll be
the new f*cking Spring
Break destination.
- Spring Break?
- [Jason] Yeah, Spring Break.
- An old [mumbles]
and young b*tches.
What a guy, f*cking crazy.
- You know, whatever man,
I'll be f*cking rich,
and for ladies it's
not about the bulge in front of
your pants, thanks f*cking God,
it's about the bulge
in your back pocket.
- Well we've seen
both your bulges
and you ain't going
anywhere, buddy.
- Yeah, all right.
- Whoa, you almost
stepped on this f*cking,
now look at this rock,
look at this f*cking rock.
This is a skimming rock.
- What a f*cking clown.
- This is the holy grail
of all f*cking rocks.
- You're a f*cking idiot.
- I f*cking--
- You're skipping in
a f*cking current!
You f*cking dumb sh*t!
- Get this rock on film because
you're not gonna
this rock ever again.
- [Jason] Watch this moron go.
- Ready?
- One, one, one in
a f*cking river.
- Well what's your
f*cking record?
- 12, 12.
- 12.
f*cking [mumbles].
- [Jason] f*ck you man.
- [Mike] It could've
been better.
- Once you clear
this f*cking brush,
it's gonna be cottage, cottage,
cottage, money--
- Who the f*ck's gonna
build a cottage here?
Whoa whoa whoa, check it
out man, human sighting.
- [Todd] There you go Jas,
your first new neighbor.
- [Jason] f*ck that.
- [Mike] Careful Jason, looks
like a bit of a weirdo to me.
- [Jason] Hey old
man, anything biting?
Oh look at you.
- No, nothing biting today.
- Is the fishing normally good
up here, are you
local or just loco?
- Not a local as such, I
come up from time to time.
- [Jason] Yeah?
- You filming a movie?
- [Todd] No, no, not a movie.
- Ah tourists, hey you care for
a lipper, it'll get you dizzy.
- No, no, we're good.
- No man, I'm trying
to cut back actually.
- [Todd] You go
dancing in those boots?
- Have you seen the lady?
- [Jason] The lady?
- [Mike] Lady?
- Yeah, the lady of the lake.
- [Jason] Yeah, the
lady of the lake.
- She's a beauty, flirts
with me all the time.
- [Jason] Well you're a beauty.
- Rocking [mumbles] with
that shirt you got on here.
- But I don't bite.
- [Mike] No no, why would you,
your standards are
higher than that.
- She entices me all the time.
- [Mike] I'm sure she does.
- But I won't be pulled in.
- [Mike] No no.
- Kinda immune to her now.
- [Jason] Yeah, and
Jesus is Croatian.
- She'd be more after a--
- Whoa, hey buddy.
- Whoa!
- Young fella like you.
- [Jason] We'll just
leave you to it.
You keep searching
for that lady!
- Yeah, you keep
doing that, [mumbles].
- I don't know if it's that
lady you're searching for!
- [Todd] He's still
looking at us, man.
- See that, that
was f*cking creepy.
- [Todd] Yeah, very creepy.
Still looking at us guys.
- Is he still f*cking looking?
- He's looking at us.
q*eer.
- Hey, get some sleep!
- You know you can
never be too sure.
This way while we sleep
we take note of what
animals are watching or
coming close to our camp.
- [Jason] How many of
these do you got John?
- Just two man.
- [Jason] Just two, really?
- Yup.
Just gonna turn this one on.
[animal noises]
- [Conrad] See this,
this is something
you never get in the city.
Beautiful sunset,
trees, quiet water.
Man, it's so pretty.
Look at that.
Quiet, calm.
What the f*ck?
What the hell, what was that?
You boys ain't gonna believe it.
- What happened, [mumbles]?
[laughing]
Toss it on the fire, man.
- No no no, I got it on tape.
- Oh yeah.
- [Jason] [mumbles].
- Trust me, it's huge.
Big f*cking, you look
for yourselves assholes.
Where's John?
- [Jason] He's getting
to know nature 101.
- That's f*cking gross.
- All right, let's have
a look at the footage.
Let's check this sh*t out.
- Look at this sh*t.
[laughing]
f*cking look at this.
- You're f*cking
had them going man.
- Look at this.
- That's a f*cking
lake trout or pike man,
those f*cking b*stards
are huge in this area.
Why do you think this
f*cking lake is so protected?
- Come take a look at this.
- [Jason] Chill, let me take the
f*cking camera, shut the f*ck up
and put the cam down, let's go.
- Look at this, right here.
[laughing]
- I don't know man.
- Right here.
- Shut the f*ck
up, I don't know,
it could be a rift in the tide
or the [mumbles] maybe.
I don't know, it'd
be pretty cool to
post it on net, add
some fuel to ol' myth.
But otherwise from that--
- You guys are f*cking blind!
- We're blind, you're Ret*rded.
- It's a f*cking
genuine Gitaskog.
- Hombres, if there is
something out there,
I promise you it'll be
buenos t*rd, amigos.
- The f*ck did you
bring that for, Todd?
- Why do you have a g*n?
Whoa whoa, hey.
- What, what what what?
- Why do you have a g*n?
- It's a shotgun.
- No sh*t as*h*le, why
do you have a shotgun?
- [Jason] Yeah seriously
Todd, what is that?
- It's a shotgun.
- Yeah, no f*cking
sh*t, but what
are you bringing it
here for, Sundance?
- We're in nature, it's
a legitimate sport.
- Hunting?
Are you out of
your f*cking mind?
- It's a legitimate sport.
- Get the f*ck outta
here with that.
- There's no f*cking
sport in that, all right?
Like it's a challenge to k*ll
some deer with a f*cking g*n.
Where's the f*cking bag?
- It's in the bunk, man.
- You're a ret*rd.
- Hey, we're in nature,
it's a legitimate sport.
- Legitimate sport my a*s.
- Hey, when in the woods
you do as the natives do.
- A legitimate
sport's UFC, you want
me to kick your f*cking
a*s all over here?
- [Todd] Whatever, man.
You'll be crying,
you'll be crying when
you're out of liquor
and you have no money
and you need me to go
rob the liquor store.
I ain't doing it for you.
- Keep f*cking drinking.
- You're f*cking hammered.
- [Jason] Flabby
Gabby over here.
- Flabby Gabby, where'd the
f*ck did you get that from?
- It's f*cking hot man.
- [Jason] Hey John.
Come on man, this is
the life, you know.
- [John] It's good, dude.
- Some good beer and smoke.
Just the boys.
[laughing]
- You know what?
We gotta do this
more often, man.
- This is what happens
when life moves forward.
- What?
- I don't know man,
you get married,
you get a job,
have f*cking kids.
- [Mike] That's life
buddy, that's life.
- And the next thing you
know you're f*cking old.
- [Todd] You're gone, man.
- Yeah, you don't got
time for the boys.
- Boys?
f*ck, we could use a few chicks.
- [Todd] Yeah, definitely
need some chicks.
- I won't disagree with that,
it's a bit of a sausage fest.
- All right, why don't you go
over there and
f*cking jerk off man?
- Maybe I will.
- Shut the f*ck up
man, see, a chick,
a chick would ruin the
whole f*cking dynamic.
- Exactly, [mumbles]
f*ck right there.
We can chill here,
we can do what we
want here, and say
what we want here, it's
nice to have some peace
for a f*cking change.
- You said it, brother.
Bam.
See, with a chick
there's no bullshit
hidden agenda stuff, you know?
The f*cking complaining,
the f*cking nagging?
You guys can f*cking
relate to that.
Here we're with the
f*cking boys, we
can drink what we want,
smoke what we want.
- [Todd] Hallelujah!
- f*cking piss where we want.
- Amen.
- And be how we are.
[laughing]
Just f*cked up logic.
- Yeah, but some
crazy irony, man.
They're these
creatures that are so
alluring yet they're
so f*cking repulsive.
- [Conrad] God is a b*tch!
- I don't know,
f*ck, maybe he's g*y.
[laughing]
- [Todd] g*y guys
do seem happy, man.
- I don't know, Todd kinda
seems down a lot of the time.
- [John] g*y.
[laughing]
- [Mike] Got you, eh?
- f*ck, all right, y'all funny.
- Bottom line is women,
they just don't seem happy.
- You know what,
happiness is just
a matter of realizing
your expectations
or your limitations and
not going beyond them.
- [Jason] That's f*cking deep.
- Limitations man,
you know what,
you know what's f*cking women's
limitations is they're
never f*cking happy.
- I don't know, yeah they are,
you ever even been
with someone serious?
- Yeah.
- That's f*cking--
- Sad, [mumbles].
- But here, the qualities
that women look for
in a man are honesty
and a sense of humor.
You know why is that right?
- [Mike] No, tell us.
- 'Cause they possess [mumbles].
[laughing]
- Man, y'all b*tches
have some serious issues.
- [Todd] What are you, man?
Black alpha?
[laughing]
- Hey, I don't get no complaints
in that department, sweetheart.
- Sure, bud.
- Hey, you know
what they say, once
you go black you never go back.
- Yo yo, hold on,
hold on, you know
that is the one
f*cking outrageous
stereotype that you
guys actually support.
- Hey, hey, porn don't lie.
- [Todd] Yeah it does.
- You know what,
I'll f*cking say this
man, the f*cking,
the guys at the top?
Black guys at the top, man,
they're a f*cking anomaly.
It's a f*cking stereotype that
you're all too
willing [mumbles].
[laughing]
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
This ain't no myth, don't make
me unleash the real Gitaskog.
- Yo, relax man.
- All right, all right, all
right, I'll f*cking admit
it, some of you black
guys got major horse d*ck.
[laughing]
You know what?
When it comes to
the f*cking screen,
you guys are all
money shot deprived.
- What you talking about?
- Hey, the porn don't lie.
- It's like you guys are f*cking
either over the top
Hulk or you're nothing.
- It's like this.
It's like this, hold
on, let me do it.
[groaning]
[laughing]
- The hell do they [mumbles].
- Hey, I don't
know what the f*ck
you're laughing at m*therf*cker,
that's not what your wife got.
- The f*ck you say?
- Yeah you heard
me, m*therf*cker.
- What the f*ck did you say?
- You heard me, m*therf*cker,
you want some [mumbles].
- [John] Todd, come on man.
Dudes, dudes!
- Hey hey, yo, yo, the
f*cking two of you!
Come on, settle the f*ck down!
- Okay okay, all
right all right.
- [Jason] Shut
the f*ck up, we're
supposed to be having
a good time and you're
acting like a couple
of b*tches all right?
- Come on, Conrad.
Conrad.
- Hey, Conrad!
Conrad, Conrad!
Shut the f*ck up
and grab a seat!
And relax.
- Yeah man, I--
- [Mumbles] f*cking
joint [mumbles].
- I'm out of this scene.
- All right, f*cking do it man.
- Why you gotta be such a
f*cking ret*rd sometimes?
- Hey he started it--
- Shut the f*ck up, you
know he doesn't like that!
Would you like anybody knowing
that they f*cked your wife?
- Not my fault, man.
- Oh it's not your fault,
man, it's not my fault,
I'm so c*ck and
arrogant, it's not
my fault man, it's
never my fault, man.
- [John] [Whispers]
What do you got,
what do you got,
what do you got?
- Shh, shh.
- Tell me what you got.
- [Whispers] I got
this bear simulator.
It's gonna be really loud.
It's gonna scare the
sh*t out of the boys.
- [John] f*cking no
way, no way, no way.
Okay, let's do this.
- Shh, shh.
- [Conrad] f*ck you
[mumbles] wait wait wait.
Focus, [mumbles].
You got it?
- [John] Yeah I got it, okay.
- [Conrad] Got it?
[loud bear growl]
- [John] He's got
a little stick,
he's got a little stick.
- [Conrad] Shh,
those guys are here.
- What the f*ck is going on?
- [Jason] f*cking bear, it's a
f*cking bear, it's
a f*cking bear.
- [Conrad] Clint
Eastwood, buddy.
Come on.
- Where'd it go, you see it?
- [Conrad] Jason's got a stick.
I'll bet you Todd's
gonna go get the shotgun.
- Where's the bear man, I'm
gonna put it on my wall!
[snickering and shushing]
Is it a grizzly?
[loud bear growl]
- [Conrad] Whoa whoa whoa.
- [John] Whoa whoa.
- [John] It's us, it's us dude!
Easy buddy, easy.
- Next time I'm gonna sh**t you!
- Oooh, I'm shaking, Gunsmoke.
- [John] Aww, did you guys
get all scared and stuff?
- [Conrad] Aww, sweetheart.
- What's wrong with you guys?
- [John] We wake you up?
Awww, I'm sorry.
- f*ck off, as*h*le.
- Dude, where'd you
get that machete?
- [John] Awww.
- [Conrad] Jason's mad.
- [Mike] Gonna f*cking
use this on you, man.
- [John] Oh yeah,
cry me a river.
- Next time.
It's day one here.
I don't know what the f*ck's
going on, but I know...
I'm f*cking scared.
- [Mike] Shouldn't you be having
that snot running
from your nose?
- [Mumbles].
Something's wrong with me.
- We're in a lot
of trouble, if you
see this get help, get help now!
- I'm f*cking scared.
- I'm scared 'cause we
ran out of beer, man!
- No!
[fake sobs] There's no beer!
What are we going to do?
[erratic camera noises]
- [Conrad] Sleep your f*cking
lives away, what a waste.
Sweet win, you poker b*tch Jas.
[birds chirping]
Breathe it in.
- Man, you get a look a that?
- [John] Some nice work.
- Thanks.
- I didn't know you had talent,
you been doing it for long?
- This work, this
kinda thing I've
been doing for
about half an hour.
- [John] How come Mike
isn't in this sketch?
- Isn't it obvious?
His f*cking limited
pallete can't
handle this much natural beauty.
- Yeah, speaking of limited
talents, where's Conrad gone?
- [John] He went on
some nature hike.
- [Todd] Nature hike?
Really?
- [John] Yeah.
- I guess there are not too
many trees in "da hood".
Catch anything, Mike?
- Nada, man.
Not even a f*cking nibble.
Very strange, this f*cking lake
should be crawling with fish,
I think something
scared them away.
- Hey, there are
a couple of native
guys up in the hills
looking down this way.
- [Todd] Yeah, I
noticed them before,
I'm trying not to pay
attention to them.
- [John] Are they spying
on us, it's kinda creepy.
- [Jason] They're definitely
looking down this way.
- Hey!
Ahoy there!
Ahoy there!
- [Jason] They're natives,
they're not pirates.
- [Mike] What the f*ck?
[loud splash]
- [Jason] Guys, come on!
Guys guys, come on!
Mike, Mike, you okay?
- [Todd] You got him?
- [John] I think
he hit his head.
- [Todd] Here hold him,
put him down carefully,
Mike, Mike you okay?
Mike, buddy, man, speak to us.
Thank f*ck, he's coming to.
- [Jason] Did you
see what happened?
- [John] No I missed it, I was
looking in the hill [mumbles].
- He's coming around,
he's coming around.
[coughing]
Mike, you okay bud?
- [Mumbles] f*ck.
- Did you see what happened?
- No, I missed it, I was looking
out for the Indians [mumbles].
You okay Mike?
- [Mike] m*therf*cker.
- John man, put that
down for a bit, eh?
You can't smoke and drink
and film, give it a rest.
- Nearly sh*t my
pants earlier though.
- Thought we lost you, already
counting the extra beers.
- Yeah you would, c*ck.
I swear I was pulled in.
- [Jason] Mike man, just
admit it, you slipped, man.
You know it's the most
dangerous sport in the world.
- f*cking right,
if the sport was
that crazy they'd
make it sexier.
- [Todd] No, it's sexy enough.
- They'd give you
bigger guys pulling
bigger fish pulling
hot chicks and
you'd be getting
bigger sponsors.
Hands down.
- Listen, Mike.
- What?
- You f*cking slipped.
- I'm telling you man, I
was lifted off that rock.
Besides, f*cking Conrad caught
something earlier on tape.
- He caught a ripple catching
a shadow, that's about it.
- [Jason] Yeah, come on
man, just give it a rest.
- Hey Mike, have some of this.
- All right man.
- I'd rather savor my
Monte Cristo [mumbles].
That's espanol.
[laughing]
- [Todd] Say hello to
your little friend.
g*y espanol.
- [Laughs] Yo, I
remember the time when,
you guys actually
remember old Miss Skinner?
- [Todd] Miss
Skinner, holy God man.
[laughing]
I was remembering her way
before you came along.
- Why were you always
remembering her?
[laughing]
- I know about her
man, I know about her.
- [Mike] You
must've had her when
she was coming up
on retirement, man.
- [Todd] Are you
kidding me, that
old bag was born retired.
- [Jason] All right,
okay, whatever.
Aside from that
man, it was probably
after you guys
f*cking hauled asses,
but do you remember,
ah f*ck, do you
remember the time when she--
[farting noises]
Ugh, f*cking gross, dude.
- [Conrad] That
was f*cking huge!
[laughing]
- Thanks for [mumbles] my story.
- Jesus Christ, the
sheer volume of that.
- I f*cking cropped that deck.
- All right, yo,
as I was saying,
remember the time when she--
[farting noises]
[laughing]
- Holy sh*t, I've never
smelled black fart before man.
- [Jason] Come on guys, let
me f*cking finish the story.
- The f*ck is that
supposed to mean, c*ck?
I ain't human or some sh*t?
- No no no no no man, I was just
thinking I was expecting
a f*cking tinge
of Savannah mixed in
with a hint of cornbread.
- Add a dash of watermelon.
- Black-eyed peas
and fried chicken.
- [Todd] Woo, Conrad!
Happy birthday boy,
come on down here for
some friend chicken and
some black-eyed peas.
- [Conrad] f*cking racism.
- [Todd] What, you
calling me a r*cist?
- [Mike] You calling
us r*cist man?
- Come on, get over it.
Lighten up, lighten up.
- What the f*ck else,
you Ku Klux f*ck?
- [Jason] Hey man, come on man.
The two of you man, what's wrong
with the world when
you can't rip on your
boys for a little
racial humor, you know?
Right, you dirty wop?
[laughing]
Yo, come on guys.
Let's drink it up.
- Come on, we're just
kidding around, Conrad.
- [Jason] Cheers.
Now as I was saying.
Old Miss Skinner--
[loud farting noises]
[laughing]
[erratic camera noises]
- [Conrad] What
the f*ck was that?
- [Todd] You saw a
little girl right?
- [Mike] It was a
little girl, man.
A little girl.
Where the hell did
she go, she just
disappeared just
for a split second.
- [Jason] Man,
you guys are high.
- Yeah okay, we're f*cking high,
but three of us
seeing the f*cking
same hallucination, I doubt it.
- [John] You know what, I
recorded it, I recorded it.
Let's take a look at it, let's
take a look at it right now.
- Okay okay okay, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
- Hey easy boys,
don't get too excited.
- There, right there.
- [Conrad] What the f*ck?
- [Todd] f*ck.
- It's just a play
of the light, man.
- Dude, that is no play
of the light, okay?
It was right there, it
was physically there.
- The f*ck is that, a ghost,
a spirit of some kind?
- Hey, if this was
a f*cking ghost
or a spirit, what the hell's it
doing sitting next to our fire?
- I'll tell you
what, it's f*cking
part of that Injun
sh*t, that warning.
- I'm okay going
anywhere so long as
we're having a
good time, doesn't
matter where it is to
me, let's get going.
- Let's pack it up, man.
f*ck, as long as
I got countryside
and wilderness, good
enough, all right?
Let's get our stuff, let's go
for the car, we'll
set up somewhere else.
- All right, all
right, f*ck it man!
- Really, you filming this?
- We'll go, but not now.
It's late and it's dark.
And it was f*cking hard enough
finding this place
during the day,
so I don't wanna be
chasing my hightail
a*s out of here on
these country roads.
We'll leave at first light.
What do you say?
- [John] All right.
- All right, f*ck it.
[monstrous growl]
- [Jason] The f*ck
is that, John?
John, what the f*ck?
- [John] I don't know man,
what was that, what was that?
[monstrous growl]
You hear that?
Shhhh.
- You guys heard that?
- Where the f*ck
was it coming from?
- [John] I don't know
man, this is crazy.
Shhh, shhhh.
- [Jason] That's weird.
- I hear it over there, man.
[monstrous growl]
- [John] Oh sh*t, oh sh*t.
- [Todd] I heard
it over here, man.
- [John] Be careful.
- Now I hear it over there.
- [John] I don't know
man, this is f*cking loud.
[monstrous growl]
- What's going on, man?
f*cking [mumbles].
- [John] I don't know.
- [Conrad] I f*cking knew it.
It's not my imagination now.
- Never heard a f*cking
animal like that before, man.
It's definitely not a bear.
- No, no no, it's not a bear.
It's like a caribou.
- f*ck you know what
a caribou is, man.
Only caribou you f*cking
know is Bullwrinkle.
- [Todd] f*cking
Bullwrinkle was a moose.
- Who cares, all right?
Whatever it was is far
away enough, right?
- [John] Yeah man,
I don't know, man.
- [Jason] f*cking
[mumbles] you idiot.
[monstrous growl]
- [John] f*ck--
- Where's it coming from?
- [John] Shhh.
- It's everywhere man,
it's all around us!
f*ck, f*ck.
- Let's just get
some damn sleep.
It's not gonna do
anything right?
- [John] I don't know.
[monstrous growl]
- Todd.
Todd!
- [Todd] Yeah?
- [Mike] Todd.
Todd.
Todd are you up?
- Shhh, of course I'm up man.
Listen to that sound, I've
been listening to it all night.
I haven't slept a wink.
I can't believe those guys are
sleeping through this, man.
- [Mike] sh*t, I can't sleep.
- [Todd] Shhh.
- [Mike] And it's
coming this way too.
[monstrous growl]
f*ck there it is again.
- [Todd] Shhh!
- [Mike] The f*ck is that?
- Oh man, something is
either really really pissed
or I'm having the worst
nightmare in my life, man.
- [Mike] You know what,
first f*cking thing we're out
of here tomorrow morning,
first f*cking thing.
- Believe me, I'll
be ready, I'll
be packed, I'll be ready to go.
Staying overnight,
this is crazy,
this is really crazy sh*t, man.
- [Mike] f*ck.
- [Conrad] Another
night of consumption.
You see this?
This right here is why you
guys are seeing little girls.
Drunks.
So much for getting up
at the crack of dawn.
Assholes.
[birds chirping]
[urinating]
Hey Gitaskog!
What the f*ck is that?
Are you f*cking kidding me?
She's naked, yup, she
is fully f*cking naked.
Oh my, and she's waving at me.
That is me right?
I'm the only one here
and she is, oh my God.
You can't be serious, she
is head to toe butt naked.
f*ck, I'm not
gonna let her stand
there and get cold,
I'mma get with her.
f*ck this.
You boys can enjoy
a f*cking show.
I'm going to get
mine, f*ck this.
[ominous howling]
[monstrous growling]
- Seriously?
f*ck.
- Whoa, where the f*ck's Conrad?
- He f*cking took the
other camera with him too.
- Yeah, 'cause he wants to
get some good shots right?
- He took the camera with
him to go take a sh*t?
Maybe something to do while
he's f*cking taking a dump.
- I didn't know that
Conrad was a German.
- Hey, Conrad!
Hurry up, we gotta be
making some good headway!
- He does know we're
leaving this morning right?
- [John] Yeah.
- Are you gonna help out?
- Hey Jas, it's been
nearly an hour man.
I think we should
go look for Conrad.
- Yeah man, you'd think
he'd be back by now.
He's been gone,
unless he's lost.
- Would he be dumb enough to get
lost on the morning
we're leaving?
- All right, I
don't want any more
of the day to run
away on us, all right?
I suppose we have
a quick look and
then finish the rest
of this f*cking after.
- [Mike] Yo Conrad!
- [Jason] Todd, you see Conrad?
- [Mike] Where is he man,
where the f*ck did he go?
- He couldn't have
gone far, he could've
gone back to camp for
all we know right?
- Yeah, that sounds like Conrad.
- [Jason] Yo Conrad!
- You'd think he'd
hear us from here.
- Yo Conrad!
[g*nsh*t]
- [John] What the f*ck...
- [Jason] What the
f*ck is that man?
- I don't know, it just
came out of the water,
it tried to pull me
in, so I shot it.
- What is it?
- It's dead, that's what it is.
- [Mike] Maybe
it's the Gitaskog.
- Come on.
- It's a mutant.
- f*ck that man.
- It's a beaver or something.
- [Jason] f*cking mutant?
- What it is it's dead.
- What the f*ck are you doing?
- Just checking.
- Chill the f*ck out, man.
- That thing stinks.
[monstrous screeching]
- Oh f*ck!
[g*nsh*t]
- [Jason] Let's get
the f*ck outta here.
- Nice shot, nice shot.
- [Jason] Hurry
the f*ck up, man.
Conrad!
- Let's go, we got
enough of this on
Footage, let's go,
let's go, let's go!
- Why are we always running?
- Mike, we'll be leaving
shortly, so we might
as well just film our
f*cking exodus, all right?
Besides which, I want
of film of whatever
comes off that laptop
just in case we lose it.
- [Mike] Yeah, I agree.
- Hey, here, here
are the f*cking
keys, you and Mike,
go load the car
while I pack up
Conrad's sh*t all right?
- [John] We can't
just leave the guy.
- Shut the f*ck up all right?
We aren't, but there's
no harm in packing
his sh*t while we're
waiting for him, okay?
Quit f*cking wasting time.
Hurry the f*ck up!
- All right man, f*ck.
All right.
- Okay, f*cking take
it easy, f*ck, sh*t.
The f*ck [mumbles].
- Hurry the f*ck up, let's go!
What are you waiting for?
Man, this f*cking trip is
so f*cking bullshit, John.
All I wanted to go was
come here and check
out my f*cking win
and have a good time.
- You're not gonna
f*cking believe this.
Car's gone.
- What do you mean gone?
- The car's f*cking gone.
- Are you f*cking kidding me?
- Does it look like I'm kidding?
- f*ck man, what the f*ck
are we gonna do now, huh?
This is un-f*cking-believable!
- Do you think that Conrad--
- Why would he do that?
- I don't know
man, f*cking played
a prank on us,
spook us all, man.
We've been riding his tail all
f*cking weekend man, maybe he's
just trying to get back at us.
- I got the only f*cking keys,
can he actually hot wire a car?
- No man, I know him.
He may be black, but
he can't hot wire sh*t.
- Why are we running?
- [Jason] [mumbles] find Conrad!
- [Todd] And how's
running gonna help?
- [Jason] f*ck Todd, all right.
We'll take a break when we
reach [mumbles] up ahead.
We should get a pretty
good view from up there.
We gotta move fast [mumbles]!
- [Mike] Aw f*ck it.
- [Todd] Hello?
Conrad?
f*ck Conrad, is that you?
Stop f*cking around!
Conrad.
That better not be you, man.
What the f*ck?
That a little girl?
Hey, what are you doing here?
Little girl, you okay?
[monstrous scream]
Oh sh*t!
Where'd she go?
What the f*ck is going on?
Holy f*ck.
[monstrous growl and screech]
[screaming]
[monstrous screeching]
- That camera on?
- [Indian Native] Yeah,
it's a nice bit of gear.
- You know you
can't keep it right?
[loud chopping]
[bone crunching]
- All right, let's
hurry this up.
[bird screeching]
- f*ck.
- Hey, where's Todd man?
- [Mike] He was
right behind me man.
- No, I thought you
said he was coming.
And it's been a few
good minutes now.
- Still a fair hike
from there man.
- A fair hike?
- [John] Easy, Jas, f*ck.
- You'd think we'd be
able to see him from here.
- We all knew where
we were going, okay?
Todd said keep going
and he'd meet us here.
- [John] That's
right, that's right.
- I think he'd yell out
of that'd be the case.
- He was in trouble, he
would have shot off his g*n.
- Not if he's unconscious.
- All right, all
right, all right!
Give him f*cking five
minutes, all right?
He doesn't show up...
We got no choice, we gotta
go back and look for him.
- No, you go f*cking
look for him.
- f*ck, turn that
f*cking camera off!
- [Jason] Todd!
- [Mike] Todd!
- [Jason] f*ck man, where is he?
- [Mike] Todd!
- [Jason] Todd!
Where'd he go man, the f*cking
guy should've kept up with us!
- This was where we left him,
this is the place
man, I'm sure of it.
- Where the f*ck did he go then?
- I don't know, I don't know.
- f*ck man, where'd he go?
- You'd think he'd
sh**t his g*n off
or something, let us
know that he's lost.
- You'd think so huh,
what if he can't?
- Bullshit, man!
f*cking g*dd*mn nightmare.
- [Jason] Thanks for
overseeing the obvious,
you don't think I
feel bad already]
Todd!
Todd, if you hear me,
say something man!
I wanna get the f*ck outta here.
Todd!
- [Mike] Guys!
- [Jason] Yeah?
- Come here!
- [Jason] What is it, buddy?
- Hurry up!
- [Jason] What'd you find?
- Look.
- [Jason] It's a boot.
- It's not just a f*cking boot.
You know who that belongs to.
- [Jason] Man, I wanna
f*cking find Todd.
- f*ck, I'm fishing it out.
- [Jason] Come on, man!
Todd!
Todd!
Oh man, can you f*cking hear me?
- [Mike] Ah, f*ck me!
- [Jason] Mike!
What the f*ck is that?
Is that a f*cking foot?
Is that f*cking real?
- [Mike] Of course it's
f*cking real, it stinks, man!
The f*ck outta here!
[erratic camera noises]
If, if we get back,
we gotta report this.
- [Jason] Man, it's not
if, all right, we're
getting out of here, it's
just a question of when.
- And if the road [mumbles]?
- [Jason] I don't
f*cking know, but I'm
just glad we're getting
away from that lake.
- At least we got this footage.
At any rate, I'm feeling
a little bit safer now.
Just need to find a road
and the g*dd*mn car.
- [Jason] Well so
much for that right?
- Yup.
- Who the f*ck are those guys?
- [Jason] I don't
like these guys,
man, they don't look
too f*cking friendly.
- Oh f*ck, there's two
more coming up this way.
- Maybe they can help.
- I think f*cking helping
us is the last thing on
their mind, let's
hightail it out of here!
- Jesus, f*cking run!
[screaming]
[heavy breathing]
[screaming and grunting]
- [Jason] f*ck you, Tonto!
[erratic camera noises]
Come on, come on, come
on, come on, come on.
Thank God.
I think I got away clean.
I'm not too sure
about Mike and John.
Although I did see one of
them make it to the forest.
Hopefully they're safe--
- [Mike] Jason.
- sh*t.
What the f*ck, Mike,
thank God, man.
Good to see you.
- Oh you saved the
camera, good work, man.
- f*cking hell.
Keep it running.
Keep it running
- You're bleeding, man.
- I don't know,
it could be mine,
could be some f*cking Indian's.
- What about John?
- I don't know, I don't know.
He was right beside me,
just a little bit behind.
- I think they dropped him.
f*ck, I should've went back.
- Shhh.
- What's going on, Jas?
- I don't know.
- Why are these f*cking
Indians chasing us?
- What if that
thing Todd k*lled...
Was the creature's
offspring right?
What if we k*lled
something sacred?
- f*ck sacred, man.
- Shhh.
- It was nothing more than
a f*cked up mollusk, man.
Acid [mumbles] contamination.
- Shut the f*ck up.
- f*cking mutant.
I told you something weird was
going on this f*cking lake.
Even if it was f*cking sacred,
why are they chasing us?
They didn't see us k*ll it.
No one was there,
no one saw nothing.
- So why are they after us?
- I don't know.
That guy that warned
us not to come up here.
He knows we've seen it now.
They don't want
word getting out.
You know what I don't get?
What's bothering me?
Is why would that Indian
give you a deed to this
place when he knows it's
so f*cking off limits?
- [Mumbles].
- f*ck.
- I know, I know,
I know, I know.
We got the only
decent knife here.
- [Mike] Shhh.
- [Mumbles] thank
you for [mumbles].
[rhythmic drumming]
What is that?
- [Mike] Drums?
Those Indians.
[Indians chanting]
f*cking Indians.
- Shhh.
- [Mike] I don't know
man, just f*cking listen.
Let's get to [mumbles].
[Indians chanting]
- f*cking hey man, look at this
man, are they
trying to spook us?
How do they know where we are?
Oh Mike.
Mike!
Oh come on, Mike, where are you,
don't f*cking do
this to me, not now.
Mike!
Oh sh*t.
Mike!
Mike, come on, man!
[Indians chanting]
Where the f*ck are these guys?
Guys, come on, where are you?
Guys, where are you?
Guys.
Okay, so...
[erratic camera noises]
Come on, come on, come
on, yes yes yes, come on.
All right, I don't
know where the
f*cking guys are
man, there's some
f*cked up sh*t
going on over here.
I'm still trying
to search for them.
I'm not losing hope.
Let's find these f*cking guys.
[cars driving by]
Oh come on, come on.
This is too f*cking steep.
f*cking road.
[laughing]
Road.
f*ck.
Hello?
[laughing]
Hello!
Hello!
What happened to the
road, what the f*ck?
Hi.
This is me, Jason Severn.
I don't know how much
battery pack I have left.
I [mumbles] thought
I should check in.
I think I'm the only one.
My friends are gone.
If I don't make it,
I want this record
to be a testament, a
record to what happened.
I don't know, I don't
know, I don't know.
I've been walking for hours.
I don't know where I am.
[car driving up]
There's a car.
That's my f*cking car.
Whoa.
[heavy breathing]
Got away from
those f*cking guys,
man, f*ck me, f*ck me, f*ck me,
the f*cking battery's
dying, f*ck!
[monstrous screeching]
[heavy breathing]
f*ck.
Battery's going.
Soon I will too.
I'm scared.
I'm scared that I won't
be able to make it.
[mumbles] get out of this.
I turned on the camera.
[Indians chanting]
I hear sounds.
Like people chanting.
- What's happening?
- What's going on?
- [Mike] Where am I?
- [Jason] Mike!
- What are y'all staring at?
John, John!
- [Jason] John!
- Jas, help me!
Jas, where are you?
- [Jason] This is so
f*cking [mumbles] man.
- Get me off this f*cking thing!
Get me off this f*cking thing!
What is that?
What am I hearing?
Help!
John!
John!
- [Jason] Oh God.
- Jas, help!
- [Jason] Oh God, Oh god.
- Help me!
- [Jason] John.
[monstrous growling]
[heavy breathing]
Oh my God, man.
f*ck man, am I glad to see you.
You have to help me man, we
should've listened, please, I--
[loud wack]
[static noise]
[static noise]
[ominous music]
[hip hop music]
* I see you stripped
to the shoes
* Baby that's what's on my mind
* [Mumbles] trip to say
* Baby that's what's on my mind
* On my mind all the time
* Oh my mind all the time
* Oh my mind all the time
* Baby that's what's on my mind.
* Freaky Mr. Just Do It
* On my mind, said
that she knew it
* Not my kind, just
to run through it
* Handcuffs there
laughing at Cool Whip
* Take our time, let's unwind
* Real bad thoughts
how you sip that wine
* Face so pretty
and you hit so fine
* [Mumbles] girl freak,
but I'm not that kind
* I do say it's perfect 10,
he's so big, I'm the best
* Think back, just relax
* Let me reach the spot
where your legs attach
* I'll work like a nine to five
* Employee of the month
'cause of overtime
* Hop up on, hop up on
* Don't be shy girl,
we is [mumbles]
* I see you stripped
to the shoes
* Baby that's what's on my mind
* [Mumbles] trip to say
* Baby that's what on my mind
* On my mind all the time
* On my mind all the time
* On my mind all the time
* Baby that's what's on my mind
* Hit you with a one two three
* Baby you the one,
break two or three
* Please challenge me, I need to
* Be pushed and [mumbles]
* I'm like LeBron, let them
play around 'till I turn it on
* You can take a dribble,
pass her the ball
* But I'mma take shots
'cause I'm the star
* I'm the star
* If so, I'mma make you tingle
from your head to your toe
* Wait the next
morning then [mumbles]
* Telling everybody
that I'm a six game pro
* She's smooth, run
with the key to the city
* Chicks gets free
tattooed on their titty
* FMA, I'm the king of the kitty
* Tongue get stupid
and my d*ck get silly
* I see you,
stripped to the shoes
* Baby that's what on my mind
* [Mumbles] trip that says
* Baby that's what's on my mind
* On my mind all the time
* On my mind all the time
* On my mind all the time
* Baby that's what's on my mind
* Tell me boy, what you wanna do
* Let me know when
you're coming through
* If it's on your mind,
then it's on my mind too
* So just tell me
boy, what you gonna do
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Creature Lake (2015)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341