I Was a Teenage Zombie (1987)

[bunniefuu]

(siren wails)

(rock music)

♫ Strange things started happening today

♫ All my friends are running away

♫ Woke up this morning but I wasn't in bed

♫ I woke up in a coffin

♫ I was dead

♫ So I went down to the soda shop

♫ Man, you wanna see the traffic stop

♫ Ain't they ever seen

the walking dead before

♫ I'm just a kid

♫ The zombie next door

♫ Now I was a teenage zombie

♫ It's the weirdest trip

♫ They ever laid on me

♫ Sorta feels like I'm high on drugs

♫ But that's not the problem

♫ I was a teenage zombie

♫ Whoo

♫ There's lots of stuff to drag you down

♫ Lots of things that


you shouldn't mess around

♫ But I think that I'm in too deep

♫ It's getting warm and I won't keep

♫ I was a teenage zombie

♫ It's the weirdest trip

they ever laid on me

♫ Sorta feels like I'm high on drugs

♫ But that's not the problem

♫ I was a teenage zombie

♫ It's a drag, hanging around

♫ I was happier in the ground

(guitar music)

- Now as a liquid is

cooled, the kinetic energy

of the particles is lowered,

this, of course, is acknowledged

as the freezing point.

(boy snores)

Now at the freezing point,

the particles become

oriented in a definite geometric pattern

characteristic of the substance.

(Dan sighs)

Any solid will sublime

at any given temperature

if the vapor pressure

of the solid is equal to

or greater than the pressure

of the vapor above the solid.

It is not equal to the

same amount as the amount

of the mass gained at the

time, but it is equal to

the density to the equation squared.

Energy can never be released by fission,

which is a foundation for the molecule

of the chemical reaction in question.

To coerce fusion, nuclei must

be driven against one another.

- Hey.

(teacher continues talking)

How you doing buddy?

- I'm good, what do you want?

- Mmm, who's that chick with Kevin Kramer?

- That's Cindy Faithful,

and she's not with him.

He's all over her, would you look at that?

- I was wondering if

you'd like to chip in,

see, the four of us, we're

gonna buy some marijuana,

'bout a quarter pound,

and I was wondering if you

wanted to chip in.

- (Laughs) How much?

- 30 bucks.

- A quarter pound of weed

for just a bunch of us?

Come on, isn't that a little excessive?

- Hey, buddy, it's, ooh,

it's the spring dance!

- And crystals of a

solid begin to separate.

(jazzy music)

- So you in or not?

- Perhaps Dan Wake can

explain for the class

how the high values of sodium chloride

are converted directly

through the vapor state?

(guitar music)

Miss Dilligan.

(rock music)

- Hey, are we gonna party

hearty or what, huh?

- Hey, Gordy, who are you taking?

- Vicki Fox, who else.

(boys jeer)

- Vicki Fox, you mean the

girl with all the red hair

and the beautiful skin and the breasts?

(men laugh)

- Hey, most women come with

those things, who you taking?

- Rosencrantz is taking Hilda Ackerman.

- She's a little rough for you, buddy.

- Well, so what, Lieberman here is taking

Marge Klutzoid Milligan.

(boys laugh)

- That's a step up from

last year, man, I tell you.

- Shut up, Rozencrantz.

- You suck, Lieberman.

- Don't hit me.

- Will you stop it?

- So you think she'll go with me?

- Dan, you could get

any girl in this school.

- Can I get Cindy Faithful?

(romantic music)

(man growls and laughs)

- Hey, mister, can we have our frisbee?

- Why don't you come

and get it, sweetheart?

- What a sleaze.

(man laughs)

- Hey, isn't that Mussolini?

- Hey, you know anybody

else that walks like that?

- Hey, come on, let's go.

- Yeah, let's check him out.

- Hey, hey, Mussolini!

(car horn honks)

Hey, Mussolini!

Hey, what are you doing around here?

I thought you usually

worked down at the docks.

- What do you guys want?

- Hey, what the hell you so nervous about?

- Ludovico send you

guys to check up on me?

- Ludovico, no, hey, we was

just in the neighborhood,

driving around a little, that's all.

- No bullshit?

- No bullshit, man, hey,

so what's the story,

what are you doing here?

- Hey, did you guys hear about

that big shipment of weed

that came in from Columbia?

- Oh, you mean the shipment

that ended up in San Diego

instead, yeah, we heard

about it, it left us all

high and dry, the guy who organized that

must have been a real as*h*le.

- Real dickhead if you ask me.

- Well, it wasn't my fault,

I tell you right now.

- It was you, Mussolini, we

didn't know, hey, I'm sorry.

- I was crossed, hey, somehow the shipment

ended up in Graciano's

mob, and now Lotovico's

out 16 grand, and if I don't come up

with at least three grand

by the end of this week,

I'm gonna be dog meat.

- What the hell you gonna do about it?

- I don't know, I don't know,

but I've been hanging out

at that high school there and

all those teenybop joints,

trying to sell some of

these bad weeds from Mexico.

- You mean the stuff

the authorities sprayed

with that toxic sh*t, man,

I wouldn't give that stuff

to my mother in law.

- Well, maybe not, but

I will tell you this,

those kids are gonna buy

it and they gonna like it,

even if I gotta stick it down their faces.

(rock music)

♫ Each time I hold her

♫ I seem to get colder

♫ And I just don't know what to do

♫ Time and time again

♫ Time and time again

- Ooh, the Byrd just walked in the door.

- Did he see me?

- Not yet.

- Okay, good.

♫ I've done everything

♫ Trying to get next to you

♫ You still got nothing to say

- Gordy, is that you behind there?

You wouldn't be hiding

from me, now would you?

- Byrd, is that you, hiding, no you see,

I just can't see a thing

without my contact lenses in.

- Come on, Gordy, I put some money

on that deal of yours, now did you get it?

- Oh, well, you see, Byrd, the town's

kinda dry right now.

- Yeah, I know, it's dry

all over the place. (sighs)

Thanks for trying anyway, just

let me have my money back.

- No.

- No.

- (Laughs) Well, of course

you can have your money back,

Byrd, but how 'bout you

and I just step it outside

for a little chit-chat just

to straighten things out,

just you and I talking, let's

just go outside and talk.

- Where the hell do you get off,

telling you ain't gonna give me my money?

- I'll give it to you,

but not now, just wait.

- Man, you just told me

inside the town is dry.

- Look, I said I would get

it for you, I will, trust me.

- All right, all right,

look, I'm gonna give you

until tonight, now if you can't come up

with a quarter pound of grass

in a few hours, you forget it.

- I'll forget it.

- All right, I'll see you later, pal.

- I know.

- Hey Gordy, hasta la noche!

(engine revs)

- Hey, excuse me, my name is Mussolini,

my friends call me Moose for short.

It's short for Mussolini, you get that?

(Gordy laughs nervously)

Hey, look, kid, I

couldn't help overhearing,

you and your motorcycle buddy here

talking about some goodies, huh?

- Goodies, sir? (laughs nervously)

- Oh, you know, some sweet

yellow mellow (sniffs) weed, eh?

You see, I'm the weed man around here.

- You're the weed man, you know,

I've been looking all over town for you.

- Cindy Faithful just walked in.

- Hmm?

Christ, yeah.

(Rosencrantz laughs)

- Girl trouble, Dan, you?

(Dan scoffs)

- I don't know what it is, Lenny.

I'm not usually such

a putz with the girls,

but Cindy Faithful, she's...

She's different.

- I know what you mean, oh,

she is a cute little girl.

You know, Dan, when I was about your age,

there was a girl in school

I liked, just like Cindy,

every time I tried talking to her,

I'd get all funny and shy.

- That's just how I get with Cindy.

Hey, did you ever get the

nerve up to ask her out?

- I'll tell you, Dan, not only

did I get up the nerve to ask her out,

but I am happily married

to that very girl today.

- No way!

(laughs) Gee.

- Hi, fellas, yo, Tweedle

Dee, Tweedle Dum, step up.

You'll never guess what happened,

I'm just sitting outside,

minding my own business,

not knowing what to do

about our chiba situation

when this real nice fella

comes up to me and, well.

- You're kidding, a whole quarter pound?

- Shh, yeah, and not only

that, this guy was a real

honey of a fella 'cause he

threw in some joints, too,

so what I suggest is that

the five of us just go

tiptoe on into Lenny's

bathroom and do it up.

- Right behind you.

(boys cough)

- What the hell is this sh*t?

- Whatever it is, you

just blew our money on it.

- Now how am I gonna

get Lisa in the backseat

come the spring dance?

- This is another fine mess

you got us into, Gordy.

- Does this mean Rosencrantz

and me are out two bucks?

- 250.

(boys cough)

- Looks like we're all out some dough.

Oh, what about the Byrd?

- I don't want to be

there when he finds out.

- Byrd, don't worry fellas,

I'll get that money back,

all right, none of you guys volunteer,

I don't need any help, I'll

go and I'll do it, okay?

- We're not volunteering.

- I'm going, I don't need you. (coughs)

(boys cough)

(Gordy vomits)

(boys groan)

- What the hell do you want?

- Well, for a start how

about my money back?

- Your moneys, hey kid,

either or either you got

the IQs of a monkey or you're very naive.

You can't get your moneys back.

You wanted a pound of weed,

and that's what you got.

- The weed was defective,

I demand a refund.

- A refund, hey, what does

this look like, a supermarket

or something, refund my a*s.

- Yeah, what do you want?

- Are you the guy who's

selling the marija-hoobie?

- A marija-what?

- Marija-Hoobie?

- Oh, yeah, excuse me, my man,

I didn't figure it out at first, so hey,

look here, I got mucho,

mucho, beacoup marija jujubes

right here, how much you want?

- Hey, kid, nobody says that anymore,

and besides, I wouldn't buy any of it.

- (Laughs) Everybody's a

joker, how much of this

do you want, come on.

- Hey, kid, I mean it.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey,

where you going, kid,

this is my buddy here, we

always fool around like this,

don't we, I'm gonna really kick your a*s.

- Hey, Lenny, what time is it?

- [Lenny] Two minutes past

the last time you asked me.

- Where could he be?

- You don't suppose he left

the country with our money,

do you?

- Nah, he's got school tomorrow.

- Oh, that's right, but they got school

in other countries, don't they?

- Well, I suppose with

Gordy, anything's possible.

- Jesus, Gordy!

(dramatic music)

(boys exclaim)

(Gordy coughs)

- Sit up, man.

What happened, man, are you all right?

- Oh, God, that man's a brute.

- You mean the guy who

ripped you off, Mussolini?

He did this to you.

- Who was he, I'll m*rder him.

- Stay away from him, that guy's crazy,

I'm telling you, fellas, I'm so sorry,

I let you guys down.

- Quit feeling sorry for yourself,

we should've gone with you.

- Where is he, Gordy?

- Hey, we'll get the money back.

- I don't know where he is.

The last time I saw him,

he was making chopped liver

outta my face, look,

we gotta get outta here

before the Byrd shows up.

- [Byrd] Yo, Lenny!

- Bring him a soda pop, babe,

put it on my tab, all right?

- Hey, Gordy, just the

man I wanted to see.

What's the story, kid, thumbs up or down?

Jeeze, what the hell happened to you?

- Poor Gordy.

- [Rosencrantz] Don't

try to speak, old boy.

- What happened, say,

is this some sort of gag

to weasel me out of my cash?

- No, no, no, Byrd.

- What the hell you up to, Gordy?

- Hey, it's no gag, Byrd,

Gordy got ripped off,

he lost all the money, yeah,

but when he found out...

- He did his best to get the money back

and nearly lost his life in the attempt.

- Is this true, Gordy?

- Yes.

- All right, who did

this, and where the hell

can we find them?

- This big creep has been hanging around.

He can't be far.

- Are you mad at me?

- Ah, nah, the Byrd don't

get mad, he gets even.

- When I catch that

Mussolini m*therf*cker,

I'm gonna shishkabob his as*h*le.

- Hi.

- Don't you ever give up, what are you,

a masochist or something?

- I just want my money, that's all.

- You know, fatso, some

people just never, ever learn,

so I guess I'm gonna have

to re-educate you, huh?

- Not so fast, kitty cat!

- What is this, the little

league all stars? (laughs)

- The game's over for you, piss face.

- Fatso!

- Hey, why don't you little boys

run along home to Mommy before

one of yous get hurt here?

(rock music)

- The only one who's

gonna get hurt is you.

We want our money back now.

- Okay, okay, gimme a second, would ya?

It's in my pocket, hey,

you're wrinkling my leather.

I'll give you back your

money, what do I need

with your chump change,

here, take all your money.

- Oh, sh*t, oh sh*t!

- Oh my God.

- I'm gonna cut and skin

you like a greasy p*ssy cat,

come on.

(boys exclaim)

Come on, come on, come on.

(guitar music)

- What the hell happened, what

did you do, you k*lled him.

- What?

- No, he slipped, he slipped.

- Now what do we do?

- He's dead, he's really dead?

- Well, he doesn't seem to be breathing.

- sh*t, ah sh*t, I can't

believe it, ah sh*t,

I don't believe it, I didn't

even get to use my spikes.

- Well, let's get out of here.

- Wait, we can't just leave the body here.

- Why the hell not?

- What if somebody sees

us leaving the scene?

- Chuck's right, even if

we explain to the cops

what happened, who the

hell's gonna believe

he slipped on a banana peel?

The best thing to do is take

him to the end of the pier

and throw him in the river, huh?

- I think Byrd's right.

- Me too.

- Okay.

- Good luck guys, I'll see you later.

- Where the hell are you

going, aren't you coming?

- Are you kidding me, I'm on probation.

All right, I'm coming.

(somber music)

(boys scream)

- Zombie!

(boys scream)

- What do you think you're doing, huh!

(boys scream)

Help, police, m*rder, 911, help!

- Please, please, get the

rock, the rock, the rock!

Not me, you idiot!

(man screams)

- Dan, you gotta help those guys.

(boys scream)

(crowd cheers)

- Danny, the slugger,

hit 'em with the bat!

- [Announcer] The home team

is really in a jam now.

Coming up to bat is Dan

Wake, Mr. Clutch himself.

The boys are in desperate

need of a big hit right now

and I mean a big hit, we're

in the bottom of the ninth

with two outs, the bases are loaded,

the home team is down by three runs,

they need a home run, Wake

steps up to the plate,

looks at the pitcher, stares him down.

(Mussolini screams)

Here's the pitch, Wake swings!

(crowd cheers)

It's going, going, going, this

ball is going, going, gone!

A grand slam home run for Mr. Clutch!

(crowd cheers)

- We gotta go!

(boys whimper)

- [Gordy] You think he's dead?

- I don't know, he looks dead from here.

- But how can we tell for sure?

- Rosencrantz, Lieberman, go check him.

- No, he isn't dead, of

course he isn't dead,

if you dropped a house on his

head, he wouldn't be dead.

- Well, if that guy ain't

dead, then we're gonna be dead

'cause he ain't gonna quit 'til he's dead.

- Until we're dead, we

gotta make sure he's dead!

- Or else we're dead.

- If we roll him in the

river, then he'll be for sure.

(boys cheer)

(unsettling music)

- Stop pushing me!

(unsettling music)

(boys scream)

- What's the matter, what?

- He moved.

- Come on, he's out, let's get him in.

- Wait, put the hat on him.

- Oh, God.

- C'mon, on the count of three, ready?

(boys shout "one, two, three")

(water splashes)

(somber music)

(door slams)

(engine roars)

(suspenseful music)

- You had to bring baseball

bats into the situation.

- Come on, you did too,

the man's a psycho!

- I never k*lled anyone before.

I'm gonna tell Father O'Brian

when I go to confession.

- You say nothing, you understand?

Look, look, look, let me make

one thing perfectly clear.

We're all in this together,

now any of this leaks out,

it's hello Attica for us.

- What about when the

body washes up on shore?

- You say nothing, you play it cool.

- But if the cops come, they're

gonna make us see the body

and they're gonna say you did

this, you know you k*lled him.

- You play it cool.

- Sure, play it cool.

- Yeah.

- We've only broken a commandment

and committed a mortal sin,

and Mr. Bebop here wants

to play it cool, you're

worried about spending time

in Attica, we're gonna

spend a lifetime, eternity

burning and rotting in hell!

- Snap out of it, Gordo,

you're an atheist, remember?

- Oh, yeah, thanks a

lot, Dan, sorry, Byrd.

- Look, what's done is done,

there's nothing we can do to change it.

Let's not talk about it anymore.

- I'm glad it's over.

- You're not kidding, look,

just give me back my money.

- The money?

- Do you mean that we do

all that, and you, oh,

Gordy, you f*cked up again!

- Hey, you guys, listen to this.

- [DJ] A mysterious

shutdown of the Mohawk Point

nuclear plant has been revealed today.

Lloyd Kaufman, an ex-employee

of the nuclear plant

was badly contaminated

by nuclear radiation.

A reading has determined

that the contamination level

of the river is 15 hundred rems.

- That's what Moon was saying.

- Well, if the river's contaminated,

well, we'll just have to have our party

at Turkey Lake instead, huh?

- Yeah, right, hey, I'll bring the girls.

- And I'll bring the beer.

- And you'll pay for it too.

- Okay. (sighs)

(rock music)

- It's about time!

- What's wrong?

- I just passed the river,

it's swarming with cops.

- Well, what do you

expect, it's radioactive.

The cops are just there to

make sure nobody falls in.

- Dan didn't know the

river was radioactive.

- Yeah, I heard, I just thought

that maybe, I don't know.

- You just what?

- Nothing, never mind.

- Don't worry about it,

buddy, everything's cool.

(eerie music)

(Mussolini screams)

(water splashes)

- The trouble with you, Rosencrantz,

is you ate too much sh*t from Hilda.

You gotta learn how to

put a woman in her place.

- Huh?

- Oh, they're coming, all right.

Listen, when Marge comes over here,

you'll see how I handle it, huh.

- Hi, honey, ready to go swimming?

- Hi tiger.

- No, no, we just

thought we'd stay up here

and get some sun.

- Yes, Hilda, actually I was

thinking of doing the same.

- You two are going swimming.

Marge and me didn't come all this way

to sit in the sun with a

couple of dried up douchebags.

- Please be gentle!

(guys laugh)

- Hey, I'll see you turkeys later.

- Come on, you guys, it's

only another half a mile.

- Please be gentle!

- Ah, sh*t, I gotta get this

f*cking fuel line fixed.

- Psst, psst, hey there, kitty cat.

(Byrd groans)

Whatsa matter, kitty cats?

Cat got your tongue, huh?

Now I got it. (laughs)

(Mussolini laughs)

Ah, look what I got there, motorcycle man,

what's the matter, cat got

your tongue, huh? (laughs)

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Say, aren't you in my

chemistry class with Miss Lugar?

- As if you didn't know.

- What, no, I... (sighs)

All right, I knew. (sighs)

You know what I really

like about this place?

- I couldn't care less.

- It's so quiet. (laughs)

It's so peaceful here, I always come here

when I just wanna forget

my troubles, you know,

it takes your mind off things.

Was that Kevin Kramer

I saw you with before?

- Mind your own business, jock.

- No, you're right, no, you're right,

you're absolutely right, I shouldn't,

it's none of my business

if you enjoy getting abused

by chumps like that, take it easy,

maybe I'll come back

when the air around here

isn't so frigid.

- Come on, Cindy, let's got out of here.

- I told you, I'm staying.

- Get your stuff and let's go.

- No.

- I don't think she wants

to go with you, Kramer.

- Stay out of this, Wake,

come on, Cindy, let's go.

- [Dan] Let go of her.

- Come on, Dan, I don't

want any trouble with you.

- Okay, then, just leave her alone.

- Okay, honey, you gonna come?

(scoffs) Just forget it, all right?

- I hope that's what you wanted.

- It gets really nice here around sunset.

I think it's starting to warm up, Dan.

- Nonsense.

I find that pretty hard to swallow.

The Byrd was torn to pieces, and his bike

hardly had a scratch on it.

- And they said they found

radiation on the body, too.

- So maybe he went swimming in the river

before the accident.

- No, no, I thought of that already.

In the first place, Byrd knew

that the water was contaminated

and in the second place,

radiation was found

on only parts of his body.

- He was a fine boy, a very fine boy.

- Say, what about that policeman

who was also found dead?

Wasn't he found dead by

the river also mutilated?

- What are you getting at, Chuck?

- I think I know, you think

that whatever k*lled that cop

also k*lled the Byrd.

- Good Lieberman, you get a biscuit.

What are you trying to say, Chuck,

you think they were, like,

mauled by a bear or something?

- Not necessarily a bear,

there were no claw marks.

- Then what, I mean what

could have ripped him apart

like that?

- Not sure.

I'm just not sure.

So guys what do you think,

you think Rosencrantz'll lose

the old cherry tonight, what do you think?

- What's wrong, Rosie?

- Wrong, who said anything was wrong?

- Are you still hung up

on that old bear theory?

It's been weeks since the Byrd's death,

and not a single sighting of an old bear.

- It's, it's not that, it's just that...

I've never been with a girl before.

- Really, never, oh, that's too bad.

(eel slaps on the rock)

(startling music)

No, no, no, now you're

going to feel something wet

and warm and nice.

(romantic music)

♫ Nobody knows

♫ Where love goes

(Rosencrantz gasps)

Oh, it's not even in yet!

(Mussolini screams)

Hey, what's going on! (screams)

(Mussolini laughs)

- You called me a sleaze, huh,

I'll show you what a real man is like!

- Man, you hear that?

(Mussolini cackles)

I didn't think the kid had it in him.

(Mussolini cackles and snorts)

- Run!

- What was that?

- That was Rosencrantz.

- Rosencrantz, then who's banging Hilda?

(Mussolini grunts)

(Hilda screams)

- So I'm a sleaze, huh?

(suspenseful music)

(Hilda screams)

- No, you can't do this!

- Ah, Rosie, Rosie?

- Hey, Rosie?

- (Screams) No, no!

(Mussolini laughs)

(Mussolini pants)

- Rosie, come on!

Rosie, come on.

What the hell's happened?

- It's that creep, it's

that Mussolini guy.

He isn't dead, he isn't dead.

- What are you talking about?

Of course he's dead, that

rock we tied around him

weighed a ton, he's at

the bottom of the river.

- I'm telling you he's

not, he's just as alive

as you and me, and Christ

is he pissed at us.

- That's ridiculous.

- On the contrary, that's

exactly what I expected.

- Oh, look, here come the cops.

- Everybody just act natural.

(boys whistle)

(dramatic music)

- What happened out there

at the pier tonight?

- I don't know.

- What do you mean, you don't know?

- It was just like I said, hey,

we weren't even on the pier,

we just heard the screams and that's when

the patrol car pulled up to us.

- What were you boys

doing down at the pier?

- What pier?

- The pier where the girl was found.

- Which girl?

- The girl, the girl!

- Oh, Hilda.

- And she was with you at the pier.

- Which pier was that?

- Did you know the girl Hilda Ackerman?

- I was a friend of hers, yes.

- A friend, I'd like

to hear your definition

of a friend.

- A friend, friend, friend,

someone who knows, likes,

and trusts, a faithful companion, comrade,

also one who supports a group or cause,

a member of a society of friends.

- Oh, an intellectual.

- Intellectual, of the

intellect, rational,

appealing to or engaging the intellect.

- Hey!

- Hay, grass or other forage plants,

cut and dried to make...

- Stop!

- Stop, to close by

covering up, filling up,

or plugging in.

- Who owns the vehicle

that was parked down

at the pier at the time of the k*lling?

- My, my dad.

- And who was operating the vehicle

at the time of the k*lling, your dad?

- Oh no, sir, I was.

- Aha, and she was with you.

- Yeah, she was with me.

- And you don't know nothing?

- Well, it was so dark

and it happened so fast.

- Surely you can give some

kind of a description.

- Wet and warm.

- You're not getting outta

here 'til I get the truth.

(Lieberman grunts in fear)

- I don't understand, Chuck,

why couldn't we tell the cops

that it was Mussolini who k*lled Hilda?

- Because we k*lled Mussolini.

- What do you mean, what do you mean,

I saw he's alive.

- What are you talking about?

- He's alive, Chuck.

- He's alive.

- He's not dead, I saw

him with my own eyes.

- He's alive, but he isn't alive.

- That's a lot of malarkey,

I'm going back there

to tell the cops now.

- You do that, they'll have

us on a m*rder rap for sure.

- m*rder, for Christ sakes, Chuck,

what are you talking about?

- Don't you agree that the chances

of Mussolini walking

out of that river alive

were second to none?

- Yeah, but...

- But nothing, I have a theory.

Now we all know about the radiation

which leaked into the

river from the Mohawk Point

nuclear plant, right, well,

the radiation was recorded

at 15 hundred rems, 100 rems is enough

to cause harm to the human body,

the living human body, that is.

- Yeah, so?

- Well, when a radiation

particle passes through matter

such as steel or the human body,

it hits the atoms in its path.

The atoms hit will be changed in some way.

- Get to the point, Chuck.

- Supposing, just

supposing, that the atoms

inside Mussolini's body were preserved

due to the large burst of radiation.

- What, are you saying the

radiation saved his life?

- Not exactly, Mussolini

as we knew him is dead.

What k*lled the Byrd and

Hilda is nothing more

than a walking mass of kinetic energy,

atoms fighting furiously

to escape the body.

- But if he's just a

walking mass of energy,

why does he remember us,

how come he wants us dead?

- Maybe because we bashed his head in

with baseball bats, tied a

50 pound rock around his leg

and threw him in the river!

- Oh.

- Somehow or another, his

memory must be still functional.

- The last thing he said to

us was, I'm gonna k*ll yous,

all of yous.

- Remind you, this is just a theory.

- Yeah, well, how can we know for sure?

- Give me some time to

prepare an experiment.

We'll meet tomorrow afternoon

at the basement of Lenny's.

In the meantime, we protect

each other and stay inside.

(girls laugh)

- Cindy.

- I'll see you in class, hi.

- Hi. (sighs)

Look, I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry about what happened

at the lake the other day.

That's never happened

to me before, I don't...

- It's okay, I had a great time anyway.

- Well, listen, I wanted to

ask, I had a good time too.

- You did?

(Dan sighs)

- I'm going to the spring

dance this Saturday.

You wanna come along?

- Do I wanna come along?

- (Scoffs) Do you wanna

go, you know, with me?

- Sure, why not.

- I have here an ordinary

fly which I swatted to death

not less than half an hour ago.

Would any of you care to examine the fly

and ascertain that it is indeed dead?

(Gordy snaps fingers)

- It's dead, Chuck.

- Thank you, I have here a

bottle of radioactive water

which I scooped up from the river.

I will now drop...

- Wait a minute.

How do we know the water's from the river?

- Would you care to taste it, Lieberman?

I will now drop the dead fly

into the radioactive water.

Note that at this point, the

fly's absorbing the radiation

like a sponge would in

your very own kitchen sink.

- It's moving.

- It's swimming.

- That's not all, watch, watch.

(fly buzzes)

- It took off like a rocket.

- Precisely, not only did

the high dose of radiation

preserve its life energy,

it multiplied its density.

- And Mussolini is stronger than ever.

- Right.

How much stronger, though,

is yet to be determined.

- Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.

- Dan, oh, Dan, you shoulda seen the fly!

He had this fly.

- The little legs start going.

- And he put it in the water.

- And then it went up.

(boys all talk at once)

- Shut up!

What are you guys talking about?

- The fly!

(boys all talk at once)

(Dan yells)

- Chuck, what are these

guys talking about?

- You see, Dan, I just tested my theory.

And unfortunately I was correct, as usual.

(eerie music)

- Aw, sh*t, so that

means this Mussolini guy

really is dead?

So what do we do now, I mean,

how are we gonna get rid

of this guy?

- By getting rid of any memory

that he might have of us.

(sighs) What we have to

do is destroy his brain.

- We?

- We wouldn't want you

to do it alone, Rosie.

- I'm sorry, fellas, I can't

get near that thing again.

- Hey Rosie, this is no time to be a wuss.

- How do we go about destroying his brain?

That river turned that man

into a supernatural monster.

You saw what he did before,

I mean, he must be...

- First of all, we prepare an ambush.

Now, here's what I think we should do.

Capricorn to Animal Farm,

come in, Animal Farm,

Capricorn to Animal Farm,

come in, Animal Farm.

- Chuck, is that you?

- 87 re 94.

- What are you saying?

- 80, check the code, check the code.

- Just tell me if there

are any cops around.

- (Scoffs) Negatory.

- Look, I'm gonna get

into my fighting clothes.

Lieberman, can you read me?

Lieberman?

- Lieberman speaking.

- Lieberman, if you want to talk,

you have to press the button.

- Oh, Lieberman speaking,

I read you loud and clear.

- [Gordy] How you doing, guy?

- I'm feeling cool, really cool.

- Look, don't worry about it.

When he comes to you, just

get out of the car and run.

Don't panic.

- We don't wanna scare the guy.

- Let him chase you into

the tunnel and we'll drop by

behind you, how's Rosie doing?

- He's just fine.

- Now when I give you the signal, run,

just get the hell outta there.

- Capricorn to Animal Farm,

Capricorn to Animal Farm,

paging A472.

- Get down here, kid.

What do you got behind your back?

(rock music)

- There he is, oh sh*t, there he is!

- Go, Lieberman, go!

- Now!

- Go, go!

(Rosencrantz whimpers)

- [Lieberman] Don't panic.

(Mussolini shouts)

(boys scream)

- Hey freak!

- Dan, let's get the f*ck outta here!

- Try that swing again, Mickey Mantle.

(bat cracks)

- This is interesting.

(radio squeals)

Fine, fine piece of

equipment, I've been trying

to get the department to

get one of these for years.

- Well, they're coming

out with a whole new line,

the AC-50, it cuts down

on static 1500 percent.

- You wouldn't lie to me, would you, kid?

- Oh, no, sir, my father's

very into the company.

- [Gordy] Chuckie, Chuckie,

run, it's Mussolini,

he's here, run, run, run!

(guitar music)

- Gordy, what happened?

- He just ran away.

(boys all shout at once)

- Where's Dan?

- What's going on here?

Listen, I can understand you boys

wanted to seek revenge

on that animal out there,

whatever it is, but taking

the law into your own hands

is not the way.

- How do you spell wake?

- W-A-K-E.

- I hope you've learned something tonight

because if I ever catch you

boys at that pier again,

I'll lock you up.

- How old was the victim?

- 18.

- I don't understand

what you boys were doing

out at that pier that night, especially

after that k*lling, now your

friend Dan Wake is dead.

That's right, his neck

was broken in two places.

- Did he have any tattoos?

- Cindy Faithful?

- Richard Dresey?

- Jess Kumlotte?

- Daniel Wake?

(somber music)

- [Student] He died.

- Oh.

(somber music)

(eerie music)

(boys scream)

- Chuck!

- Gordy!

- I thought you were...

- I know, I know, I know what you thought.

(Gordy sighs)

- I'm sorry.

- We can't go on like this.

- What can we do, how

can we stop this guy?

Every time we get near

him, somebody gets k*lled.

- There must be some way,

some way to stop him without,

some way to destroy his

brain without getting close

to his body.

- But there is no other

way, don't you see?

We've created our own monster,

we've created our own doomsday machine,

and there's nothing we can do

to stop it until he kills us.

Who knows what it's gonna take?

An army can't stop it,

the navy can't stop it,

my God, the Marines can't

stop it, nothing can stop it!

(Gordy mumbles)

- More than an army or just one man?

- What do you mean?

- [Chuck] Dan, that's who.

- What do you mean?

- We throw Dan's body into the river.

- We can't do that,

Dan was my best friend.

If you think I'd do anything

to destroy his eternal peace,

you got another think coming.

- It's either Dan or the Byrd.

- Yeah, well, it'll have to be the Byrd.

What do you take me for, an ill moral?

- Well, the Byrd it is

then, I only hope his body

isn't too decomposed.

- I still owe the Byrd some money.

Dan, Dan was much better

in the clutch anyway.

He's more athletic, and besides,

he still has his tongue.

We couldn't talk to the Byrd.

Guess we'll have to go

with Dan, okay, let's go.

(organ music)

- I'm no good at funeral services.

I've never seen a dead body before.

- I hope he looks good.

- Dan'll look good.

- Let's do it.

(organ music)

♫ How sweet the sound

♫ That saved a wretch like me

♫ I once was lost

♫ But now am found

♫ Was blind but now I see

(rock music)

- Whoa whoa whoa, back it up, come on!

(rock music)

- All right, everyone's

ready, and don't look out,

don't attract any attention, okay?

- Hey, would you get my (stammers)

- [Chuck] Gordy, the

other way, take it easy,

the other way.

- Will you calm down?

- Gordy, take it easy.

- Relax.

- [Rosencrantz] Oh my God, oh God.

(rock music)

- Hey, don't you think

we oughta say something?

- What are you, nuts?

What do you expect us to say,

our father who art in heaven,

you know, please return

to us your favored son

as a zombie, let's just dump him in.

Ready, come on, one, two, three.

(water splashes)

(eerie music)

Nothing.

- It could take a little while.

(eerie music)

- Dan, gotta go to school now, buddy.

I mighta known, Chuckie

and his smartass ideas.

It was just an idea, I'm sorry,

but we were really scared.

What the hell, I'm sorry, Dan.

What the hell am I sorry about, you f*ck?

You let us down, you were our last hope

and you let us down, I

told Chuckie you were good

in the clutch, and here we

are in the bottom of the ninth

and we have no help,

you were our last hope,

and you let us down, well,

what are we supposed to do,

Dan Wake, what are we supposed to do?

(water sloshes)

- Into that darkness

peering, long I stood there,

wondering, fearing,

doubting, dreaming dreams

no mortal ever dared to dream before,

all my soul within me burning,

soon again I heard a tapping,

somewhat louder than before,

but the silence was

unbroken, and the stillness

gave no token.

- Hey Gordy.

(teacher continues)

- What's up, man?

(Gordy screams)

(teacher gasps)

- That's a scary poem.

(teacher sighs and continues poem)

- What the hell are you doing?

- Is that you, Dan?

- Yeah, what do you expect?

- Hey, how do you feel?

- It's funny you should ask,

I was at some wild party

last night, look at these duds.

I woke up in the river, I

swear to God, it was amazing.

Came out, I was soaking wet.

- Really?

- You know, it's weird,

though, I really feel sorta...

- Stiff?

- Yeah, stiff, how'd you know?

- You look kinda stiff.

- I do?

- Yeah, look, you don't look too well.

Why don't you just bop on over to my house

and get some rest, my folks aren't home

and you can use my room

and I'll meet you there

after school.

- Since when are you so

concerned with my health?

- What are friends for?

- Yeah, thanks, but I'll

be fine, see you later.

- Where you going?

- I got class, all right?

- Perhaps Ed Gordy could explain to us

what Poe intended to

say in the 16th stanza?

- Ma'am?

- It begins, "Prophet,

said I, thing of evil,

"prophet still, if bird or devil."

- Ma'am?

- [Teacher] I believe you

have the book in front of you.

- Excuse me.

- Mmhmm, Miss Dinnegan, please.

- Hey, girls, how you doing?

(girls scream)

(Dan sniffs himself)

Did you see that, they act as

if I had leprosy or something.

- Freshman chicks, what do they know, Dan?

- Whoa, there goes Marge and Hillary.

Hey, they're juniors, come

on, let's go after them.

- Come back here, Dan.

- What are you doing?

- Look, I gotta get you out of here

before anyone sees you.

- Why is that, Gordy?

- I don't know how to put

this, but everyone around here

thinks you're dead.

- What, why, Gordy?

- Because you are dead.

- You bought that acid

from Moon, didn't you,

goddammit, Gordy, I told

you not to mess around

with that stuff.

- I didn't buy anything from Moon.

Look, it's hard to

explain, I know it sounds

simple witted, but it's

true, I can explain it, but,

oh, I wish I could explain it.

- Hi, Gordy, hi, Dan, looking good.

- Hey, Chuck, how's it going?

- Not right now.

(books clatter)

When did this happen?

- When did what happen?

- Just now.

- Did anybody see?

- See what?

- No one worth believing.

- We gotta get him out of here.

- Let's take him to Lenny's.

- Get who, hey, what are

you doing, hey, come on.

(eerie music)

(g*n c*ck)

- Surprise, Mussolini.

- Jesus Christ, what the

hell happened to you?

You smoke some of that bad weed?

- This time Lotovico did send us.

- Seems you forgot to make

some certain payments.

- Yeah, Lotovico don't like that.

- So we're here to collect.

- I'm dead, you assholes.

- You can say that again,

you got the money or no?

(Mussolini scoffs)

- Was that a yes or a no?

- I think it was a no.

- He thinks it was a no, Mussolini,

and he don't like nos, do he?

- No, I don't, especially this nose.

- Hey, you know something, you're lucky

you didn't say nuts.

(fist cracks)

(scary music)

(man groans in pain)

- So you see, Dan,

you're not really alive.

- You're a walking mass of kinetic energy.

- A zombie, so to speak.

- You're a living stiff.

- Whatever shape or form you're in,

it's great having you back, buddy.

- Great having me back?

Great for who, look at me, I'm a monster.

- We know this must be

very hard on you right now,

and we're all deeply sorry

that it had to come to this,

but we really had no choice.

- Why couldn't you just let me be?

- We couldn't just let

you be, don't you see?

You're our only hope against Mussolini.

- See, we needed somebody

who was strong and swift,

someone who would have the

same power as Mussolini.

You fit the bill, buddy.

- Will I ever be at rest again?

- I don't know, Chuck's

the Doctor Frankenstein.

- When and if the radiation dies down.

- (sighs) What do I gotta do?

- You mean you'll do it.

- Have I ever let you guys down before?

- All right.

- Yippee!

- All right, it's great,

great, now what I plan to do

is prepare another ambush, Lenny, Lenny,

a round of ice cream floats

for all of us, and just...

- I know, I know, put it on the tab.

Hey, did you boys hear the terrible news?

No, well, it seems a bunch of hoods

broke into the church

where Danny's funeral

was being held and ran off with his body,

can you imagine that?

- Hey, Lenny.

(Lenny screams)

- Settle down, Lenny, we can't

let anyone know about this.

- But it's Danny, he's alive.

- Yeah, so?

- So, so he's alive,

what'd you boys do to him?

- Dan's alive, but he's not alive.

- He's the living dead, Lenny.

- He's a, he's a zombie.

- Zombie?

- Well, look, we'll

explain this all later,

but in the meantime, he

needs a place to stay,

some place where he can't be seen.

You suppose he could stay

in your cellar, Lenny?

- The zombie, you want me to keep a zombie

in the cellar.

You boys come in here,

you carve your initials

in all my tables, rip up the seat covers,

eat all my ice cream for free,

and now you want me to keep

a zombie in the basement.

Well, get out, get outta my malt shop!

- Maybe he's right, fellas,

but if you won't do it for us,

Lenny, maybe you should do it for Dan.

- Dan, that's not Dan, it's a monster.

- Look what you did,

you hurt his feelings.

- Feelings? (scoffs)

- Look, Lenny, you don't

appreciate our business.

We're just gonna have to

find somebody who does.

Let's get outta here.

- I didn't know it, I

mean he, had any feelings.

Geeze, I'm sorry, Gordy

me boy, Dan, please?

- Can you let him stay in your cellar?

- (Sighs) Well...

- Come on, Lenny.

- All right, we gotta hurry, then,

the kids'll be coming in from school.

Say, Dan, now that you're not dead,

there's this little financial problem,

I'd like to settle up on your tab.

Closing time, Dan, I'll be going home now.

When you finish stacking those boxes,

you can start mopping upstairs,

would you like anything

before I leave?

- I just wanna be left alone, right?

- Well, I left a dust cloth on the counter

in case you change your

mind, good night, then.

- Wait, Lenny?

Maybe there is something I'd like.

- Yeah.

- You remember that girl

I was telling you about?

Cindy Faithful?

- Had you walking into walls? (laughs)

- You remember what you told me?

- You mean about my marrying

the only woman I ever loved?

Sure I do, it's the absolute truth too.

- Well, then, you think there's

still hope, you know, for me

- Jeez, Dan, I don't know,

things were different then.

You're not the same, I mean,

it just wouldn't work out

between the two of yous anymore.

You couldn't expect Cindy

to be wanting to raise

zombie babies, now could you?

- No, I suppose not.

- I'm sorry, Dan, but you asked my advice,

and as your friend, I'm telling

you what I think is right.

Forget her.

- Thanks, Lenny.

- I'll be back in tomorrow

morning at eight, good night.

- Good night.

♫ I need you here just a little longer

- Let's go in.

♫ Oh dear lady

♫ There's so many things

♫ That I have come to fear

♫ Little voice says I'm going crazy

♫ To see all my worlds disappear

♫ Vague sketch of a fantasy

♫ Laughing at the sunrise

♫ Like he's been up all night

♫ Ooh slipping and sliding

♫ What a good time

♫ But now have to find a bed

♫ That can take this weight

(door creaks)

(dog barks)

♫ Good feeling

♫ Won't you stay with

me just a little longer

♫ It always seems like you're leaving

♫ When I know the other one

♫ Just a little too well

♫ Oh dear lady

♫ Won't you stay with me

♫ Just a little longer

♫ You always seem like you're leaving

♫ When I need you here

♫ Just a little longer

(singer vocalizes)

- Cindy, can I carry your books?

(Cindy screams)

- What do you mean, he's gone?

- I mean, I walked in this morning,

I checked the counter,

which was still a mess,

and then I checked the basement,

and he just wasn't there.

- Dan, Jesus Christ, where

the hell have you been?

- Did anybody out there see you?

- No, nobody at all.

- Nobody at all.

- That's what I said. (sighs)

All right, when do we

get this guy Mussolini?

- I say as soon as possible.

We had a real close call

with him last night, Dan,

you shoulda seen him.

- When do we get him?

- Tonight.

- Where?

- Wherever we find him,

'cause he's gonna be

looking for us too.

- Good, you know, I don't

know whose idea it was

to bring me back, I have a feeling you

had a lot to do with it,

so once this is over,

you're gonna see that

I get a proper burial,

you understand me, you got that, Ed?

- Yeah, I understand.

- This should be enough to

keep Dan nourished for a while.

Here, Lenny, put this on tap, will ya,

especially for Dan?

I'm gonna take some of

this down to him now.

- Where is he?

- Where is who?

- You know.

- No I don't.

- Where's Dan?

- Dan?

Dan's dead.

- No, he's not, you're

lying, don't try to deny it,

I saw him.

Where are you taking that glass?

Is he down there?

- Don't be silly.

- He is down there, isn't he?

Why are you hiding him?

- I was just going down to water some...

- Chuck, let me handle this.

You see, Cindy what you

saw wasn't really Dan.

You see, we took Dan's

body and we threw it

in the radioactive river, and what you saw

was the result of kinetic energy

combined with a high dose

of radiation, right, Chuck?

You see, most of Dan's

brain cells were preserved,

so it gave the appearance

of being a real Dan,

but it's not really a real

Dan, it's really a dead Dan

with the appearance of a

living Dan, but he's dead.

- Bullshit, is that

glass of water for him?

Let me take it to him.

- Look, Cindy, I really

don't think you should.

- Please, Chuck, just let me see him.

Hi.

I'm sorry I screamed the way I did.

I didn't know what was going on.

- Forget it.

- I don't know why you're

back, but I'm glad,

I missed you.

- (Scoffs) I'm not back for long.

- What Gordy's saying is true.

The spring dance is this Saturday night,

and I'm not going with anyone.

- I know.

- Then you'll still take me?

- No!

I mean, I can't.

- [Cindy] But why not, I don't care.

- Look, Cindy. (scoffs)

It's never gonna be the same.

- Dan, I love you.

- Well, you shouldn't, look,

why don't you just go off

with Kevin Kramer and

forget me, all right,

just forget everything.

- I can't.

- Look at me!

(Cindy screams)

- I'm a teenage zombie.

Goodbye, Cindy.

- What did you do to him?

(eerie music)

(Mussolini cackles)

- Lenny, where is everybody?

- Everybody's getting ready

for the big spring dance

tonight.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot.

- You shouldn't be up here, you know.

Suppose somebody should come in.

- Oh, what do I care.

You got anything good back here?

- The only thing I got good for you

is this water from the river,

and I don't even have

to put it on the tab.

- Oh, sh*t, Lenny, you

know how sick I am of that?

You know how slimy that stuff is?

- Nevertheless, it'll do

you good, so drink up.

(Dan sighs)

(engine stalls)

- That's funny.

- What's funny?

- Car won't start.

- That's funny?

- [Mussolini] Try turning

the key the other way.

- Oh.

- Oh.

(engine turns over)

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

- Who said that?

- The weed man said it.

(Marge screams)

Here's some weed, son,

your seaweeds! (screams)

(Lieberman screams)

(Marge screams)

- Oh my God! (screams)

(Lieberman screams)

Stop, stop, please help me,

stop, stop, please stop!

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, aren't you the

guy selling the weed?

- Later for the weeds.

- Oh, come on, man, tonight's

the big spring dance

at the school, all I

want is a little dope.

- The school, huh?

- Yeah, the whole class is gonna be there.

(Mussolini groans)

- A wonderful turnout,

wouldn't you say, Pamela?

(somber music)

(rock music)

(eerie music)

- Laws, I'm the law tonight. (laughs)

- Don't get wise, hey, I'm

talking to you, hold it!

(rock music)

- Look, Chuckie, Lieberman

and Marge have been gone

for over an hour, and

they're not back yet.

(Marge pants)

(rock music)

- Rosie, Gordy, something's

terrible happened.

- What happened?

- It's Lieberman, we were coming out of

the Beverage Discount

store, when this creature

came out of nowhere!

- Take it easy, take it

easy, where's Lieberman?

- He's dead.

- He got her.

(rock music)

- Hey, come on, babe, it's the moment

you've been waiting for, let's dance.

(eerie music)

- Damn hooks, gonna pay for this,

gonna get you now, I'm

gonna k*ll all of yous.

(Mussolini screams)

(students scream)

(Mussolini screams)

- Hey, buddy, can I see your ticket?

- f*ck this. (laughs)

- Here's his ticket

right here, now let's see

some identification.

(cop screams and groans)

(Mussolini pants)

- There you are, you, you murderers!

Alley oop!

(boys scream)

- No, no, no.

- Now you're gonna die,

you're gonna die, you!

- Dan!

- So. (laughs)

We meet again, punk.

- That's right, beautiful.

(guitar music)

(Mussolini laughs)

- Gordy, get the machete!

- Hey, Dan, heads up.

(guitar music)

(Mussolini laughs)

- You monster, you pig, you

freak, I'm gonna k*ll you!

(Mussolini laughs)

- No!

(Mussolini screams)

(boys scream)

(blood spurts)

(boys scream)

(head splutters and snorts)

- What did you do to me?

I didn't do nothing to y'all,

look what you did to me.

(somber music)

- Put her down, you, you teenage zombie!

- You d*ck.

(somber music)

- [Gordy] What do you

think's gonna happen?

- Well, I suppose they'll

have a few minutes together,

and then eventually the river will return

to its normal state, then

I guess they'll be spending

the rest of eternity with each other.

- So long, buddy, I'm gonna miss you.

(somber music)

(rock music)

♫ My baby spoke with a look of dread

♫ I'm sorry honey but you must be dead

♫ I don't know but it

sounds like the truth

♫ I've been shot down

in the prime of youth

♫ Why must I be

♫ A teenage zombie

♫ Why must I be

♫ A teenage zombie

(rock music)

♫ Strange things started happening today

♫ All my friends are running away

♫ Woke up this morning but I wasn't in bed

♫ I woke up in a coffin

♫ I was dead so

♫ I went down to the soda shop

♫ Man you wanna see the traffic stop

♫ Ain't they ever seen

the walking dead before

♫ I'm just a kid

♫ The zombie next door

♫ Now

♫ I was a teenage zombie

♫ It's the weirdest trip

they ever laid on me

♫ Sorta feels like I'm high on drugs

♫ But that's not the problem

♫ I was a teenage zombie

♫ Whoo

♫ There's lots of stuff to drag you down

♫ Lots of things that

you shouldn't mess around

♫ But I think that I'm in too deep