16x05 - The Secret Guardin'

[bunniefuu]

[TINA] Okay. [SIGHS] The package
is supposed to come today.

Then the nightmare will be over

and all mistakes will be erased.

Thank you, Grandma,

for that just-barely
generous-enough gift card

that made this purchase possible.

And when it gets here,
we'll open the box,

take out the porcelain baby

with its butt flap unbuttoned...

- Little Baby Butt Flap.
- ... and we'll sneakily put it

with all the other porcelain
babies on Mom's dresser.

And no one ever needs to
know we accidentally broke it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. "We" broke it?

Okay, technically, I broke it.

But... But they can't find out.

Look, I finally convinced
Mom and Dad to raise

my hourly babysitting rate
to a cool five dollars.

And if I have to tell them

that on my first official night,

as a five-dollar-an-hour babysitter,

I broke one of Mom's
top-tier porcelain babies,

I can kiss that sweet raise goodbye.

Also, you guys went into
Mom and Dad's room first.

We... we're not supposed to play
in there, so it's all of our faults.

Really?

- Boobie battle!
- Hiyah!

[BOTH] Boom, boom, boom, boom.

What the heck is going on in here?

- Boobie battle.
- Obviously.

We're just doing what grown-up women do.

Yeah.

I'm a highly-paid
professional babysitter now.

Here we go.

And Mom and Dad aren't
shelling out an Abey Linky,

or five Georgey Washies an hour

for me to let you two come in
here and mess with Mom's bras.

They're paying me to be responsible...

- [THUDS]
- ... dependable, and... Ah!

Phew! It didn't break.

That could've been...
Ah! Whoa! [YELPS] Ah!

[SIGHS] This carpet is saving my day.

[SHATTERS]

- [♪ TENSE MUSIC PLAYING ♪]
- Oh, my God!

- You broke the baby!
- Whoa, h*, h*, h*!

[TINA HYPERVENTILATING]

Sorry, go on about being responsible.

The important thing is the
replacement baby is coming today.

We just gotta stay cool
for the next few hours,

and keep praying that Mom doesn't notice

that Little Baby Butt Flap is missing.

Would it help if I lower my
butt flap to distract her?

Maybe. Ow!

Ugh! Stupid freakin' extra tooth.

I still can't believe it.

My sister has an extra tooth.

It's like I'm related to a shark,

but without all the drama.

[SIGHS] I guess I'm glad Dr.
Yap is taking it out today.

Turned into an angry little thing.

How are you gonna trick yourself outta

your paralyzing fear of
the dentist this time?

Equalizer? You're Denzel?
Your tooth needs equalizing?

I was thinking, maybe I'm CIA,

and the tooth is a tiny unstable nuke,

planted there by a Russian triple agent.

- That works.
- [LINDA] Louise! Dentist time.

Coming! Also, I'm not Louise.

I'm Special Agent Hammerknife.

All right, well, the spy plane
is leaving, Agent Hammertime.

- [DOORBELL CHIMING]
- Hey, Teddy.

Hey, Bob. Just stoppin'
by real quick for a coffee

before I go pick up
Kathleen's mom at the airport.

She's flying in from Ireland,

'cause she's Irish, like Kathleen.

I... I guess it runs in the family.

Well, why can't Kathleen pick her up?

She's at a bachelorette party.

It's at a cabin in the mountains.

It was supposed to end this morning,

but the bride-to-be
got cold feet.

She got frostbite snowshoeing.

Oh, is she okay?

Yeah, but Kathleen has to
drive her to the hospital.

- Chuck a look.
- [BOB] Hmm.

Yeah, the friend's a handful.

But, anyway, now I gotta
pick up Kathleen's mom.

I'm gonna bring her back
here, get her some lunch,

then Kathleen will meet up with us.

Do little Irish ladies
like to eat burgers?

- I think so.
- Can you look it up?

- No.
- Do you have stew?

- Beef stew?
- No, we... we don't, Teddy.

We've never had beef stew.

I think you just put a
burger in water, right?

- No, that's not how...
- I'm actually pretty nervous.

- I can tell.
- Kathleen says her mom can be tough.

But I really want her to like me.

She says I'll be okay, as long
as I tell her mom I'm Catholic.

- Early and often.
- Smart.

- Is this crucifix too big?
- It... It's a little big.

- It's heavy.
- It looks heavy.

Ooh, I better head out.

Can I get the coffee to go?

Sure. Oh. You're taking the... Oh, no.

- Okay.
- Oh, God. It's spilling everywhere.

Teddy, we have to-go cups.

You're taking the...

You might wanna think
about getting better ones.

This is basically just a mug.

Hey! There she is.

- How's the patient?
- Good.

The nuke was disarmed,

and she now has the exact
right number of teeth,

and they're in the right
places, or close enough.

As you know, I gave her a
little extra happy-time medicine,

since she's a bit of a nervous patient.

Sure. Right.

- Papa?
- Yeah, she's blitzed.

It might last a couple of hours.

Well, let's get this
little loopy Lou home.

[CHUCKLES] Right after
you cover that co-pay.

Co-pay? Like, we both pay?

Just kidding. I got this
one you get the next one.

- Ha!
- Ha.

Hey, so, super normal question.

When does the mail come these days?

Oh, uh. I guess Mike usually
comes in the afternoon.

Cool, cool, cool.

Uh, so, like, what
time? 3:00? 4:00? 2:15?

All of those are in the afternoon, Dad.

- Easy, Tina.
- Sorry.

Are you expecting something?

Uh, yeah.

A really important box of pencils.

- You ordered pencils?
- Yeah.

You know, long, yellow, pointy
things? Eraser at the end.

Kind of like a not-so-confident pen?

- Pencils!
- Okay.

- [DOORBELL CHIMING]
- Hey, everyone.

Look who's on her feet
and has less teeth?

She's talking about me, my people!

Hey, Louise. How are you doing?

Honestly, I feel like
how you wanna look.

- [BOB] Hmm.
- [LISPING] Hey, these stools, so rad.

Yeah, I went there.
We gotta be able to talk. You know?

So, as you can see,

the anesthesia made Louise
loopy as a Hula-Hoop.

Dr. Yap said that's normal.

He said she might say
a bunch of crazy stuff.

A little bit unfiltered.

Yap said that sometimes
it's like a truth serum.

- A truth serum?
- [LINDA] Yeah.

He said, "One kid confessed
to wiping boogers on the cat."

It wasn't even his cat.

Just some cat that was in the
wrong place at the wrong time.

- How long till it wears off?
- A couple hours.

Tina, Gene, my favorite
little chimichangas.

I just wanna pinch your cheeks.

So squishy.

- Ow!
- That's forceful.

And, sir, full disclosure.

My brother's farted in that booth

probably, like, 80 times.

- [BOB] Oh, uh...
- [LINDA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

He says the acoustics are better there.

- Just thought you should know.
- Okay.

Let's get this little
patient upstairs, huh?

- Yeah, good idea.
- She's on drugs. We don't fart.

Except when we do drugs.

- I'm so sorry about our children.
- [DOORBELL CHIMING]

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- We... We tried.

Truth serum? We have a problem.

Louise is gonna spill the beans.

What beans? Sounds delicious.

The porcelain-baby beans.

- Oh, right.
- We gotta get up there.

We gotta be by Louise's side

until that anesthesia wears off.

I mean, more of a "you" situation?

Oh, no. I wasn't the only one who broke

Mom's don't-go-in-my-room
rule, Boobie Battler.

Fine. And it's Sir Boobie Battler.

I was recently knighted

by the bazoombas of the round table.

Hey, Dad, we're just gonna go
upstairs real quick for a long time,

and help Mom set up
things for Louise, okay?

Did you say, "for a long time"?

- [TINA] Great, thanks, bye.
- [GENE] Love you, Father.

Big fan!

[LINDA] There we go.
Snug as a bug on drugs.

Oh, I don't have any cash.
Am I supposed to tip you?

We'll settle up at the end of the day.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?

Nice-people-who-are-here
to-take-care of-their-sister who?

I'm not sure we did that right.

[TUTS] Aw, that's very
sweet, but I got this, kids.

You two should help your
father in the restaurant.

I really think we should be up
here, during Louise's time of need.

Mom, let 'em stay.

They amuse me.

Like, Tina here. I mean look at her.

- See?
- [TUTS] Okay, fine.,

I guess you two can
stick around for a bit.

You must be thirsty.

I'm gonna get you a glass of water.

The good water. I'll be right back.

Gettin' me a glass of water!

Man, that's service.

Mom, did you know, one
time I put a water balloon

in the sun visor of Mr. Frond's car?

- [TINA GASPS]
- Am I a genius?

- [GENE YELPS]
- Mom!

She's spewing out
secrets left and right.

She's the one who put the water balloon

in the visor of Mr. Frond's car?

I wanna ask her for an autograph.

We gotta make sure the
conversation stays away

from babies, or broken
things, or babysitting.

What else is there? Gas prices?

What would really help is if we could
just keep Mom away from Louise entirely.

Is there a fun microbrewery
tour we could take Mom on?

Hey, hey! Who's high as a
kite and ready to be hydrated?

[LOUISE] Me!

Uh, could you, maybe,
go back to the kitchen

and get us some water, too?

Yeah, so we can all be on
the same page, water wise.

You can get your own water, you sillies.

I'm staying with Loopy
Goldberg over here.

- Ha! I'm a fun nurse.
- Yeah, you are.

And I'm a fun patient.

Let's never not be
in this room together.

[LINDA] Okay.

And we're here.

After you. Mary, this is Bob Burger.

I... Uh, yeah.

Bob, this is Kathleen's
fantastic Irish mom, Mary.

Hi, Mary. Nice to meet you.

You look familiar to me. Did
you spend time in County Louth?

Uh, no.

You look like one of
the McClarney brothers,

and I do not care for them.

Um, I'm not a McClarney brother.

Tell that to your weak chin.

Uh, [CHUCKLES] don't mind him, Mary.

He's not super Catholic like we are.

You wanna take a seat
over in this booth,

- and I'll bring us some menus?
- I will.

I think she likes me.
She's not so tough. She's sweet.

I mean, not really.

Well, that's your fault for looking like

- a McClarney brother, Bob.
- [PHONE RINGING]

- Come on.
- Yep.

Bob's Burgers.

Dad, it's Tina, your daughter.

- Hi, Tina.
- Yeah, hi. So, it's the afternoon.

- Um, did the mail come yet?
- Uh, no, not yet.

Son of a b*tch!

You're really excited
about these pencils, huh?

Yeah, teens love pencils.
Look it up. Gotta go, bye.

Uh, feel free to come down
and work... Oh, you hung up.

How's it going in here?

Great! I've been
dominating the conversation

by telling everyone
about my new mole hair.

Curly Sue!

We know a lot about Curly Sue now,

but we should talk about Tina's face.

Tina, why do you look so scared?

Your face is, like...
[MIMICS SHUDDERING]

[GROANS]

Talk to us, baby.

Um, no, I'm not scared.
I'm... I'm so chill. [LAUGHS]

Hey, Mom. We should make Louise
a smoothie in the kitchen.

- Right away.
- Oh!

Ooh, a smoothie. Smoothie.

[WHISPERING] Ah, smoothie.

Yeah, smoothie is a good idea.

You can make her a smoothie.

Oh, uh, I was thinking
you and I do it together?

You can manage it. You're a big
girl. And I don't wanna get up.

Uh, okay. Um, the... the
blender lid is optional, right?

Dealer's choice? And we just throw
spoons in there with the fruit?

Uh, no. I better go with ya.

Okay, uh, Gene. Why don't
you help Louise get some rest?

Catch a little shut mouth.
Uh, I mean, um, shut eye.

Yeah, I'm good with
kids. I can swaddle her.

Good, uh, we'll be back
in 30 or 40 minutes.

What? No, it takes two seconds.

Uh, let's just get in there
and see what we're working with.

But don't push! [GRUNTS]

Not pushing. Just
helping you leave faster.

[LINDA] Ow!

[BOTH CACKLING]

[BOTH STOP LAUGHING]

[HESITATES] I'm sorry.
I have to bring you your food.

Yeah, and then you could go.

Should we say grace, Mary?

A little more of this guy,
a little less of this guy?

A lot less.

What d'you say, JC?
You want Bob to leave?

I'm leaving.

- [TINA] Berries?
- [LINDA] Uh-huh.

- [TINA] Cucumbers?
- Nah.

- [TINA] Chicken?
- Ew! No.

- [TINA] Dijon mustard?
- No.

- [TINA] Seriously? No mustard?
- No, Tina.

- Chicken?
- No!

Uh, let's take it from the top.

- Berries?
- Yes.

- [TINA] Chicken?
- No!

- Now you're getting sleepy.
- I can't move, Gene.

- I like it.
- [GENE SHUSHING]

I'm gonna get this tighter.

You're swaddled, but
you could be swaddled-er!

Go nuts. [GRUNTS]

[LINDA] What was that sound?
Did Louise fall off the couch?

[TUTS] Aw, my baby. What happened?

Can someone plop me back up there?

I wanna do that again.

No, no more falling off the couch.

Gene, don't swaddle your sister.

She was fussy and my
milk hasn't come in yet.

Come on, Mom. Let's get
back to the kitchen, huh?

Find just the right ice cubes.
Or we make some new ones.

Hmm? First it's water then it's ice.

- What?
- No, Tina. Ow!

Mary, I have to admit. I was a
little worried about meeting you.

Ah, you should be. I'm a firecracker.

Yes, you are. [CHUCKLES]

And, uh, you should know, I... I
really care about your daughter a lot.

Well, here's the thing.

Kathleen hasn't mentioned you.

Not even once.

- [♪ SAD CHORD PLAYS ♪]
- Oh.

But then, again, you know how
she is when she's in training.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait. "In training"?

- For regionals.
- "For regionals"?

For her bodybuilding, of course,
you know how much work it is.

- Sure, right.
- And she's a heavyweight.

You know, that weight class is brutal.

Heavyweight, yeah. Uh-huh.

She's six-feet tall, 210
pounds of pure Irish muscle.

She must throw you
around like a rag doll.

Uh-huh. That's... That's
our Kathleen, all right.

The six-foot tall
professional bodybuilder.

- With the mohawk.
- Right! The mohawk.

Mary, excuse me for just one moment.

Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

I'm starting to think, maybe
her daughter's not my Kathleen.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, I heard.

Did I possibly pick
up someone else's mom?

You definitely did.

But her name's Mary. And
her daughter's Kathleen.

Well, maybe that describes,
like, half of Ireland.

That means my Kathleen's
little Irish mom

is still waiting at the airport.

- Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
- Yep.

Mary, I would love to give your
daughter, Kathleen, a quick call,

just to say hi.

But I seem to have misplaced her number,

which is crazy 'cause I
obviously know her. [CHUCKLES]

Would you mind jotting
that down real quick?

Sorry for sweating everywhere.

[CHUCKLES] It's not
because I'm freaking out.

It's a calm sweat.

- [LOUISE] Mmm, mmm.
- There we go.

[LOUISE] Mmm. Mmm.

See, I told you both of us
feeding you was a good idea.

Your mouth never has to
not have smoothie in it.

Mmm. Thanks for taking care of me, guys.

Uh-huh. [SHUSHING]

Though, I guess you are a
professional babysitter, Tina.

Earning those big five-dollar bucks.

- Yep, no talking.
- Oh, hey.

Did that thing ever come in the mail?

[LAUGHS] Napkin time.

Let's wipe that little mouth real good.

[LAUGHS] Napkin tim...

Wait, what thing in the mail?

Um, she's talking
about my... my pencils.

- [LOUISE] Hmm?
- Um, I ordered new pencils

and we're all really excited about them.

Aw, pencils. Good for you.

Pencils? No. I'm talking about the...

Oh, man. There is smoothie
all over your mouth.

I'm just gonna wipe a little harder.

- Tina, you're smothering her.
- [LOUISE MUMBLING]

Yeah, that's Mom's job.

Ah! Tina, my tooth!

Just kidding. I can't feel anything.

So many drugs.

- Oof!
- Louise, are you okay?

Yeah, this floor keeps
jumping up and slapping me,

but that's what I love about it.

It's got moxie.

Tina, Gene, you think you're
helpin' but you're not helpin'.

Out. Go downstairs.

Go not help your father.

Wait, what? No. We are helping.

Don't banish us to the shadow realm.

Mom, please let us stay.

I... I promise Louise will fall
of the couch zero more times,

now... now that I get
that you're not into it.

Tina, Gene, I love you,
but you stink at this.

- Out you go. Let's go.
- [TINA] Uh...

We stink at a lot of things and it

never seemed to bothered you before.

But fine!

- [♪ PERPLEXED MUSIC PLAYING]
- Ugh, I can't believe Mom kicked us out.

Now Louise is gonna blab
about the broken Butt Baby,

Mom's gonna lose trust in me,

[HESITATES] and no more
Abey Linkies for Tina.

We need a gag order, but I
don't actually know what that is.

It sounds kinky.

I'm so sorry, other Kathleen.

Of course, you have every right to...

Well, now, that's a little vulgar.

Oh, so, you don't
want me to drive her...

Oh, no. Yep, no.

I got it. Don't put
your mom in any more cars

and drive her anywhere or
you'll beat my arse. Yep.

Damn it. Back in the stupid restaurant.

Um, heard that. Hi, kids.

Sorry, I'm just, uh, so mad
we can't help Louise anymore.

Our weakness is that we care too much.

Well, you can still be helpful
down here in the restaurant we run.

- I doubt it.
- And where the "H" is the mail?

Is it mail-carrier
walk-extra-slow day?

If so, they deserve it, but still.

Hey, kids. [CHUCKLES]

- [TINA] Hi, Teddy.
- [GENE] Hello.

Bob, I gotta go to the
airport, like, right now.

So, I need you to watch this Mary,

until the other Kathleen picks her up.

What? No. This Mary hates me.

Why does she hate you?
You talked to her, didn't you?

Hmm. Shush.

I gotta go. My Kathleen's
Mary is probably at the airport

freakin' out.

Wait, aren't you gonna tell
this Mary what's going on?

Can't you do it? She already hates you.

- What? No.
- Oh, also, her Kathleen is terrifying,

and is on her way here and
wants to kick some arse.

I think that means a*s. I don't know.

- Great.
- Mary. Uh, so I gotta run.

Everything's gonna be fine.
Bob's gonna help you out.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Bye.

- Hi.
- [MARY] No.

- Need anything?
- Not from you.

- Yep.
- [DOORBELL CHIMING]

[TINA] Mike's here. Yes!
That's what I'm talking about.

Wow! Someone likes mail.

I guess that makes two of us.

- Hey, Mike.
- Hey, Bob.

Here's some bills, and some more bills.

What are you guys, bill collectors?

[BOB] Ha! It feels like it sometimes.

[MIKE] 'Cause of all the bills you get.

[BOB] No, yeah. I... I got it.

Hey, how's the weather out there?

Looks like it's a nice
day to walk around.

Oh, my God! Mike, do you
have a package for us?

Geez, yep. Here you go.

Yes. Ha! Mwah.

That's very dirty.

- [TINA] R... Right, right. Mmm.
- But I understand the urge.

- Bye.
- Bye, Mike.

Huh, that box seems kind
of small for pencils.

Uh, that's because th...
they're golf pencils.

Yeah, for golf. How else are we
gonna break into corporate America?

[BOB] Hmm.

Okay, if Gene and I
go upstairs real quick

to put these away in
my tiny pencil cabinet?

- What? No.
- Uh, we'll be right back, okay? Thanks.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
I need you down here.

Also, your mom kicked you out.

She was just testing our commitment.

[TINA] We'll tell her you say hi. Bye!

[BOB SIGHS] So...

- Don't.
- [BOB] Hmm.

[TINA SIGHS] There he is.

Little Baby Butt Flap,
with just one crack.

The one he was born with.

Okay, Mom's with Louise
in the living room.

If I use the hallway door, I
can sneak this into Mom's room

without them seeing me, slip this onto

- Mom's dresser, and we're in the clear.
- Good luck up there.

Don't let the other babies make you

feel bad just 'cause your flap's down.

It's your strength.

[♪ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

[LOUISE] Remember when
Tina and Gene were here?

Those guys are so freaked
out about the beans.

Beans? What beans?

The beans, woman. They
think I'm gonna spill 'em.

But I'm not, 'cause they're my
magic beans and I'm Jack, baby.

I'm not gonna say anything
about what happened in your room.

What? What happened in my room?

What didn't happen?

But what did happen?

[CHUCKLING] I know, right?

Okay, I'm gonna go look in my room,

'cause you're makin' me nervous.

All right. I'm gonna stare at my feet.

[LOUISE] Look at all
these different-sized toes.

That's gotta mean something.

Mom's searching her room.
She's gonna figure it out.

- Baby Butt Flap, teleport.
- [TINA GROANING]

Go! Energize.

Crap.

[♪ TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Okay, what am I looking
for in here, Louise?

Beans? Did you kids spill beans in here?

[LINDA] This is why you're
not allowed in my room.

I'm not crazy about your
energy right now, Lin.

- Psst! Louise.
- Oh, hey, guys.

- [TINA AND GENE SHUSHING]
- Why? What?

[WHISPERING] You... You
gotta get Mom out of her room.

Ge... get her to come
into the living room.

That's fun. How do I do that?

Um, tell her you can't reach the remote

and you need her to come in
and turn on the TV for you.

Ooh, maybe that commercial

with the break-dancing personal
injury lawyer will be on.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Mom!

Come turn on the TV!

Maybe that commercial with the
break-dancing lawyer will be on.

The one that made Gene
wanna practice law?

I love that commercial, but Mom is busy.

Dang it. Um, tell her
that you wanna talk about,

uh, finally starting the family
book club, but it's magazines.

Oh, yeah. She's been
pushing that for a while.

Hey, Mom! You wanna come
talk about family book club,

but it's magazines?

I'm coming around on it. I
wanna get into the details.

Not now, sweetie.

Right now, I mostly just wanna know

what the heck happened in my room.

That's what Mom really
wants to talk about.

What happened in her room.

Oh, my God. That actually
might be the only thing

that gets her to come in here.

You know what, Louise?
Tell Mom everything.

Everything that happened
to Little Baby Butt Flap.

- What?
- Yeah, and take a long time.

Feel free to fall off the couch a lot.

You got it, boss.

[LOUISE] Hey, Mom! You wanna
know what happened in your room?

Come in here, and I'll tell you.

- You're gonna be so mad.
- How mad?

- Go. Go. Go.
- Talk, Louise.

[LOUISE] So, you know, how you decided

to pay Tina five dollars an hour,

United States cash money to babysit us,

because she's so responsible?

- [WHOOSHING]
- [TIRES SCREECHING]

Hi, you must be Mary,
Kathleen's mom, right?

How was your flight?
I'm Teddy. Catholic as hell.

I... I hope you haven't
been waiting too long.

Traffic. Ooh, boy.

What are you gonna do? [CHUCKLES]

Hey, you hungry? I know
a great burger place.

And Gene and I were having a
boobie battle with your bras,

as one does when you're not home.

- [LINDA] Okay, I don't like that.
- [LOUISE] Gene's idea.

And then, Tina comes in and proceeds

to just smash the living daylights

- out of your porcelain Butt Flap Baby.
- [TINA GASPS]

Oh, God. I'm coming,
Little Baby Butt Flap.

[TINA GRUNTING]

[LINDA] Please don't be
dead. Please don't be dead.

[SIGHS] Oh, there you are. Oh!

Seems fine. I don't know, Louise.

I think that's the,
uh, wack-enol talking.

No babies are broken in here.

And they might have gotten
a little cuter somehow.

- Mwah!
- Whatever, bro.

Come push me off the couch.
I miss the rush.

- No.
- Boo.

Phew!

[LINDA] Baby Butt Flap, you look

like you wanna come over here and play

- with Baby Bashful.
- Oh, no. [GROANING]

[LINDA] And Baby Bath Time, I'm
gonna put you with Baby Hold Her Toes.

- But don't get too clicky, okay?
- [TINA GRUNTING]

[LINDA] You know how you two can get.

And look at the face you're
makin', little Stinker Baby.

- [TINA EXHALES]
- What a little stinker you are.

I'm gonna put you next
to Baby Surprised Eyes.

[GROANING]

- You two have fun, but be nice.
- [SIGHS]

[♪ PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING]

Going to the toilet. That airport
bench didn't have a bog hole in it.

[SIGHS] Sorry, again.

Oh, Teddy, don't feel
bad. Honest mistake.

She does look like every
little old lady in Ireland.

I've even picked up the wrong one.

- Really?
- Yeah, she lived with me for two years.

I grew quite fond of her. Swapped
her back. We stay in touch.

- [CHUCKLES] Wait, you're kidding, right?
- Yes.

So, you couldn't find
a bigger crucifix now?

This is XL. If you want double
XL, you have to special order it.

I can't believe I missed
bodybuilder Kathleen.

Yeah, her mom kept
asking her to beat me up,

but, uh, she didn't.
And I'm... I'm glad for that.

Me, too.

Hey, by the way, good news.

Louise didn't blab to Tina and Gene

that we let her stay up late,

and watch that horror movie
without them a few weeks ago.

Oh, phew! I was worried about that.

Glad, you stayed close to her.
That was a good plan.

Gene and Tina have no idea.
They're clueless.

[BOB] Ha! We're smart and they're dumb.

[LINDA] ♪ Little Baby Butt Flap ♪

♪ With your rosy cheeks
both north and south ♪

♪ Everyone can see your butt crack ♪

♪ But we think it's sweet
you let it all hang out ♪

♪ Don't you ever pull that flap up ♪

♪ If you care about me ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Your adorable face makes
the world much brighter ♪

♪ With a tushy that cute ♪

♪ It's a shame to wear a diaper ♪

♪ Oh, Little Baby Butt Flap ♪

♪ I love you from the
bottom of my heart ♪

[LINDA] Aw, come here, little baby.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!